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Does the father have a right to know I am aborting his baby?
My ex and I have dated several times over the past 7 years, he just found out 2 years ago that he had a son, Him and I got back together right before Christmas last year and I lived with him and his 8 year old son. I witnessed some horrible behavior as a father to his son, he became very lazy, making his son do everything from changing the television channel to getting ice for his whiskey. We split up about 2 months ago, and it was a very bad break up, so bad that I actually cannot stand to hear his name. I have recently found out that I am 2 months pregnant, and have already made an appointment to terminate. But, I'm having second thoughts, should I do what I think is right and tell the father, even though I know it will lead to more stress and heartache, or do I go through with it and get on with my life? I have wanted a child for years, however, I am not ready for it now, I am about to graduate college and I dont even have a job or any money saved up. The father is a cook for a small store, so I know we would struggle. I dont want my child to grow up with anything less than a perfect life. What do I do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Abortion?
Short answer: no. Even husbands don't have a legal right to know about their wives' abortions. Now a question for you--what is your real reason for wanting to tell him? What good could it possibly accomplish?
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I don't believe the father has any say in whether you abort your pregnancy or not. The first two advisers I believe asked you not to abort based on their views of abortion. To me this is the wrong advice; my views on this subject are not the question.
My belief is you need to do what is right for you. You can’t afford to support a child right now. Will he live up to court orders of support for this child? A court order is what you will have to seek if you go ahead with the pregnancy to insure he lives up to his responsibilities as the father. Which include child support and health insurance for the baby? You are the one who will have all the responsibility for child care and raising the child. You are the one that has to carry his child. You will have no choice but to put up with him being in your life until the child is 18 as he will be entitled to make certain decisions concerning the child. These are the things you need to take into account in making your decision.
It is not my place to tell you what to do. What I can do is point out some of the thing, things I think you already know. That I think you should include in your thought process before making your decision as to what you wish to do.
I hope I have helped in some way.
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Don't abort the baby.
Obviously it's not for anyone on here to tell you how to live your life, but here are my thoughts.
There are many women out there who can't have children. These women are now at the adopting stage. Imagine, if you had the child, you could give it up for adoption and change a womans life so much.
I think you should tell the father-the infant is as much his as it is yours after all.
Idk, I don't want to force any religious beliefs on you, but I just think its wrong to throw away a young life that easily. Giving it up for adoption means you wont have to struggle, but instead you could give it an even better life with some poor woman who can't have children of her own, and give it the perfect life.
Finally, I suggest if you're not ready for children please you protection so you don't end up in this situation again!
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You most definatlly do NOT need to abort your baby. I don't think you should tell him you just need to make it secret. YOU can give it up for adoption. Trust me please don't abort your baby.
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Legally, no. You have no legal obligation (in the US) to inform your sex partner of your choice to have an abortion, but you are right to consider the difference between what is legal, and what is right.
I believe it's deeply disrespectful and dishonest to hide an abortion from a loving partner. That kind of dishonest poisons relationships and is a huge breach of trust.
I believe it's necessary to hide an abortion from a partner (or ex-partner) who you reasonably fear will respond with violence towards you exercising your right to choose.
Everything else in between those two extremes, I generally feel it’s better to inform a sex partner then to not. Not because a man has an inherent right to know (some would argue that, I don't personally believe a man has inherent right to know of an abortion when there is no longer any relationship or friendship) but because women who allow themselves to be silenced when it comes to abortions feed into the negative stereotypes and stigmas about abortions. Ever heard the phrase “Every abortion is evil but mine!”? The world would be a better place if other people (the male partners particularly) where aware of the situations where they, and the people they love and wish the best for, benefited from a woman's right to choose to terminate an unwanted pregnancy. 1 in 4 women will choose too, or need to, terminate a pregnancy in the course of their lives – and nearly half of those women never tell anyone. Not only does this isolate them if they have fears or concerns, it also means no one appreciates the fact that sensible, caring women sometimes choose abortions, or the positive impacts that this form of family planning has on lives.
In the end though, the most important thing is that you are safe and able to access the medical care you need without fear of violence. If telling him puts you any physical danger whatsoever - don't.
I don’t think it’s wise to say you don’t want a child to grow up with anything ‘less than perfect’. That is setting the bar a bit too high: No one is born into a perfect situation. But it’s very fair to decide that you do not want to be a mother now, aren’t equipped to do it, and that you do not want to co-parent with this man.
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