|
is it bad that I don't care about my virginity as much as I used to?
Hi. I am a 20 year old girl and I'm a virgin. Recently I've been feeling kind of lazy and I feel like I should just get the sex thing over and done with, is it bad that I don't care about my virginity as much as I used to? I feel like it's this big thing that everyone keeps going on about but if I were to lose it now, it wouldn't be a huge deal for me. Is there something wrong with me? thanks
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Virginity?
I never cared much about my virginity.
I didn't think much about it when I had it, and I didn't think much about it when I didn't have it either.
I don't regret loosing it when I did, or to whom I did. I didn't love him, and he was nice and funny, but turned out to be a bad match in the end. I shed some tears for a few weeks and moved on. I was eighteen, almost nineteen, I think.
I wasn't hung up on him. I didn't turn into some sort of crazy slut, or ruin my reputation, or anything all the bad. My first time wasn't 'special'. It was kind of fun and kind of awkward.
I've had way better sex since, and I've also had some worse sex. I'm glad I started learning about how to have sex, and how to be a good, respectful sex partner, when I did.
All of that to say: It's okay if 'being a virgin' isn't a big deal to you. There is nothing wrong with that. It was never a big deal to me. I also didn't have many people in my life telling me that it ought to be. I didn't turn into a crazy person or someone who didn't respect themselves because I had safe, respectful fun with some boys. I regret some of my choices in life, both sexual and otherwise, but that doesn't mean I regret not being a virgin.
Here's what you need to watch out for:
ONE - If you've suddenly changed your mind about what being a virgin means to you, take some time to mull over why you feel differently than you did before. If being a virgin was REALLY important to you last year, and now it doesn't seem like a big deal at all, make sure you have an idea of why your opinion changed before you go jumping into bed with someone.
TWO - Watch out for the handful of guys (and it's not really that many of them) who are virgin-hunters. Frankly, by age 20 you have out-grown a lot of them, but there are some men who will fetishize your virginity. Those aren't the kinds of respectful sex partners you want to be attracting. Just like you wouldn't want to have sex with someone who only likes your boobs, you don't want to have sex with someone who only likes you for your hymen.
THREE - Accept that having sex is a skill, and extends beyond just the bumping and grinding. Learning to be open, respectful and confident in bed, is a just that: Learned. It's not something people are born knowing exactly how to do. You are also not born knowing exactly how having sex will effect you emotionally, or how to handle those emotions. You might have some struggles, or even some regrets: That makes you a human being. It doesn't necessarily mean you made a mistake.
It doesn't sound like you are going to go out and bang the first available penis, but it does sound like you need to stop worrying quite so much about what other people think you should do with your body, or how you have to feel about your body.
It's hard to work to figure out what actually matters to you, and you might get it wrong, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to do what feels right to you, when it feels right to you.
My virginity wasn't something I wanted to 'save' for someone who 'really loved me', and I know that the someones in my life who have loved ME or do love ME, share my values about virginity - that is, that I never really valued it at all. I valued respect, honesty and fun, safe sex.
The right guy to have sex with, is the one who has the same values about it as you do, and who respects you as a human being. Everything else is details.
]
Zane is right. I'm sure you've had to fight of many boys/men in order to keep your virginity this long. To suddenly just give it up to the next guy you think may be gentle in the taking of your virginity will not only be disappointing. You will forever regret not waiting just a little bit longer for the right guy.
I'm not saying the right guy is the guy you are going to marry. Maybe he will be and maybe he won't be. He should be someone you have feelings for and he for you. Someone who will be honored that you have waited for him to take your most prized possession.
As young boys, teenagers, we see a girls virginity almost as a game. To see how many girls whose virginity we can take. The more virgins we deflower then more points we score in the game. The bigger we are seen by our buds as a man.
As we get older we see a woman's virginity for what it is; a prized possession of hers that she gives to someone she loves and knows will make this a special event for her. For a women losing her virginity is and should be a special event for she can only give her virginity one time.
For a man/boy losing his virginity is not all that special other than we may remember that first time. Although most of us would like to forget it as it is usually awkward and embarrassing if the girl is more experienced then we are.
I don't see your question as something being wrong with you. I see you as an adult now who would like to experience and adult sex life. As an adult your entitled to a sex life. No longer are you bound by parents telling you you're to young. Still what your parents have instilled in you to not have sex until you marry may be fighting against your desire to enjoy sex as your friends may be.
All I can suggest is that you have waited this long you should wait a bit longer to find a lover and not someone with an available penis. As I said above someone who honestly loves you, has feelings for you, is not looking for a one night stand will make your first sexual experience something to remember.
]
I think your outlook on it isn't very good. Loosing your virginity is not a pride thing, It should be given to someone who is special and means something to you. A partner who you trust and have been with for awhile. Just "getting it over with" is exactly how you end up with regrets. Do not make your first time something you will regret, Make it somewhat worthwhile.
]
More Questions: |