Erinn_the_bamf's advice column

We are both 13 and the oldest one is 15 he has a tatoo.while I was in school today 2 boys from my class approached me. The 13 year old boy pulled my hair all the way down. Then the 15 year old boy open my legs and started to rud my pussy. The other said hell yea and with one hand he pulled my hair back and with the other one he did the same as the 15 year old boy rud my pussy.15 year old with one hand ruded my pussy and with his other hand he ruded my legs up and down.This was during ElA class. They both whispered in my ears I want to do you. They stoped when my friend came in and said get the fuck off her.then they said I know where u live.Now what should I do about this. P.s. I like both of then so I liked it a little.what should I do I do not want to get them in trouble because I like them both.so what should I do. Can people please help me with this problem.

It does not matter that you like them. This is completely inappropriate behavior. Talk to your teacher about what happened. If you don't want to reveal any names, that's your business, but it's unacceptable for young women to be treated this way during the school day. Your teacher might choose to talk to the class as a whole about respecting sexual boundaries, which could probably be beneficial for all the youngsters in school.

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There's nothing online or in books that can help me. Everywhere it says "i stuff my bra because i want boobs" all that to make it bigger! Well i dont want it! i want it smaller. I think getting periods are gross. I did get mine today and i hate it. I dont think i can ever except it! Im athletic and i dont have the time for girl stuff! I hate everything to do with puberty! Make matters worse when i walk out everyday with my outfit my mom cant look at my face when i talk she stares at my shirt and its awkward! help!

Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about puberty. We all have to go through it. The best advice I could give you is to talk to your mom about the troubles you're having. What's her bra size? Maybe your breasts won't grow to be too large. Furthermore, once you've matured more, you could go on birth control to have more control over your periods. Puberty is super awkward, but a few years from now you'll laugh about the whole thing.

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Hi, I have taken a pregnancy test but it was during the the late afternoon and it was negative. Should I retake or wait to go to the gyn to rule it out? Normally if I miss my period itwould be a month and a week late. I skipped September and
December. I have been using protection except for october 12. This is really weird for me to not get it for a month and three week late..usually I get it towards the end of the month and that is how my cycle would regulate. So based on more information could I be pregnant?

A pregnancy test should work whenever you take it. We really can't determine what your chances of pregnancy are based off information you give us online. Did you have your period in November? If so, you probably aren't pregnant. Furthermore, if a pregnancy test comes out negative, you probably aren't pregnant. It might be good to visit the gyno anyway just to address the irregular period issue, as that can be a sign of other health problems.

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My last menstrual cycle was november 18, 2011. I gave not got anything yet but today I saw white, yellowish, hard creamy discharge on my underwear. My cycle is crazy. October 4 I had my period then I had sex oct 12 without protection so I dunno if im having hormonal balance or is it really pregnancy? I have also experience spotting. Please let me know. Thanks

We really have no way to tell if you're pregnant or just having abnormal hormonal imbalances. At this point, it's necessary for you to take a pregnancy test to rule it out. See a doctor no matter what the results are- if you're pregnant, you're going to need prenatal care and if you're not pregnant you might want to figure out why your period is irregular.

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I have the opportunity to sleep with a guy, but there are a couple things that Should keep me away from him (he's married and my boss) but at the same time, I'm running out of reasons not to go through with it. What are the pros and cons of doing so?

Pros: you get laid

Cons: you look unprofessional, will probably lose respect from coworkers if they find out, will probably lose your job if a higher up finds out, might lose respect for yourself for sleeping with a married man, might potentially break an innocent woman's heart

Buy a vibrator and call it a day. Sleeping with him isn't worth it.

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Okay so, I'm like any other teenage girl: I like boys, and is or was boy crazy. I woke up yesterday not even thinking about a bot, but then again I don't see girls that way. Is it because I'm maturing, or is it just phase.

You're probably maturing. It's really a good thing to not be focused on boys all the time, as it gives you a chance to think about the other areas of your life. See some girl friends or do some homework. Not thinking about a boy doesn't mean something's wrong.

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NOTE: This seriously is NOT my personal question.

One of my closest friend was talking to me about a problem she has been having lately. She admits she is bisexual (attracted to both sexes) but says she does not want to be that way. She knows her parents won't accept the fact that she is bisexual, as it is FORBIDDEN in her house. She wishes she could just come out and expose the real her, but fears judgement, and her parents. Note: She has had a secret relationship with a girl. What advice should I give her? Should she tell her parents? Expose the real her? Please, I really don't know what to tell her.

Tell your friend she does not have to define her sexuality for anyone until she's comfortable. That includes her parents. She should only tell her parents when she's ready to come out. The best thing you can do is be supportive of your friend. She can't change her sexuality, but she can control who gets to know about it and who doesn't.

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I get horny a lot and nothing can help my needs...there's guys I like and I know they like me or are attracted to me but they won't make a move they stay as friends even though they're single. I know I haven't had a boyfriend before but I do know how to treat a guy right (sexually and non sexually). What do I do?
P.s. I don't want to make the first move.

At 12 years old, you don't need to have a sex life. Yes, this is the time when sexual feelings start to arise. It's natural for you to be sexually excited often, but sex has some consequences you are not ready for. What do you know about safe sex? Are you aware of the prevalence of STDs and how to prevent them? Are you aware of how to prevent pregnancy? You do not want to be a mother at 12. You'd have no way to support a child. To deal with your sexual feelings right now, just masturbate. You can google different types of female masturbation.

There aren't only health risks when having sex. Sex can also be very emotional, especially for a girl so young. What if the boys you have sex with decide to break it off with you after you have sex? You probably won't feel so great. You need to be older to be able to deal with those kind of emotions.

Right now just focus on the boys you're friends with. Continue to hang out with them and share common interests, and you may develop a relationship. It's definitely OK to flirt a little and smile at boys and laugh at their joke at your age, but DO NOT engage in sexual contact until you are of consenting age, which is generally either 16 or 18 depending on what state you live in. Remember that you can't make a boy ask you out, but if you're a cool, laid back girl who practices good personal hygiene and flirts just a tiny bit, I'm sure you could have a relationship soon. Also remember that relationships at 12 are not built to last. Have fun, but don't come too attached.

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Im 14 and I was raped one day ago and while being raped I started to bleed heavily and the boy who did it didn't wear a condom. So I would like to what I should do? And what are the risk factors of me contracting an std and of getting pregnant? What could the bleeding mean?

Get yourself to a hospital immediately to take a rape examination. DO NOT SHOWER. Every time you shower, more of this boy's semen will be washed away, erasing evidence. If you've already showered, make sure you don't shower again. It's important to have evidence on file so if you choose to press charges, you can refer back to the sample taken.

Speak to a healthcare provider about your fear of STDs and getting pregnant. Unfortunately, anytime sexual intercourse occurs without a condom, there is a chance the woman might be pregnant or contract an STD if the other person was infected. You might be able to take an STD test on the spot. On the other hand, you will have to wait until a week after you miss a period to take a pregnancy test.

You also need to talk to an adult you trust about what happened to you. Rape is a brutal, traumatic event, but you don't need to go through it alone. There are support groups you can join and you can always see a counselor to speak about what you may be feeling. The most important thing to remember is this is not your fault. You can get through this.

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19/f
Okay, so long story short, my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 5 months, but we dated last year for a few month and have known each other since we were kids. He had a REALLY rough childhood and basically has been on his own since he was 12. Over the past year, it has become more and more apparent that he has serious psychological problems. His whole life, he has fought people and that combined with his good looks, it's as if he feels like people owe him something. He has cheated death several times and continues to do bad things. After we got back together, he confessed that he was addicted to crystal meth. He said he wanted me to stay but knew that I had every right to leave. I do love him and I couldn't imagine the thought of leaving him. He promised he would get help as soon as he got a new house and settled in(his job moved closer to me so he got a house about 30 min. away) Well over the past few months, he has actually gotten better and had quit but I wasn't holding my breath because I understand how addictive the drug can be. Everything seemed GREAT. He moved into his new house and I noticed those same weird actions like when he was using (not sleeping, tons of energy, bags under his eyes) He told me a couple days later that he was using again. My first problem is I'm worried that his use of dope will put me in danger (although he never brings it around me) but also because of his drug use, he is constantly depressed with himself and his actions. Although he has an amazing job and can afford drugs plus a nice house and nice truck, he is in no way happy for himself because he knows he is letting me down. Even though he truly cares about me, this drug and his past actions have torn him apart and he takes his depression out on me. Half of the time he picks at me, tells me I'm unappreciative, says I'm a spoiled brat and I don't treat him right. Which I know is completely untrue because I have stayed around when most wouldn't, despite everything he has done. The other half of the time, he apologizes for his actions, says he's sorry for not being the man I deserve. His failure causes him to be more depressed. It's a constant cycle and I feel trapped, but the moment I even contemplate leaving him, I feel horrible. And not because I feel like I HAVE to be with him. I truly WANT to. I know it's not my responsibility to help him, but if you had any ideas how to, that would be great. Also, how do I cope with this myself? Thanks.

Your boyfriend sounds like he has too much going on in his life right now to handle a relationship. While this drug controls his life, he's not going to be able to treat you right. You need to break up with him and tell him you'll speak to him again once he completes either an inpatient or outpatient rehabilitation program. After realizing he's lost you, he might actually be more determined to get clean. The most important thing is that you don't have contact with him until he gets better. You need to show him that you will not settle for a man who abuses drugs.

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Hi!
I need help. I have been told that the sooner to you submit your FAFSA the more money you get. Is it possible to submit your FAFSA with taxes from last year and then go back when you file taxes this year and edit the FAFSA?

Someone told me it was possible, but I just wanted to make sure.

Thank you!

Yep! Colleges understand using last year's taxes, as most people have not filed this year's taxes yet. You just have to submit your W-2 forms and such when you finish your 2012 taxes.

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what i have to do my boyfriend is having a child from his school mate but he said i love you & also he wants this child but i cannot live without him

That is just a train wreck you don't want to be a part of. Dump his ass. He cheated and now he's fathering his mistress' bastard baby. Is that someone you want to be with? No amount of love will make it worthwhile. Especially when you meet the child he created with a DIFFERENT woman.

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So, I went to a small house party about two months ago. It was fun, and I got wasted. Like, pretty bad. The next morning I vomited about five times and felt terrible until late into the afternoon. That was the first time I had gotten that bad. Though it was really fun to be drunk, my body now cannot do alcohol. Any time I try to drink, I feel nauseous just from the taste. Now that I know my limits, I'd like to drink again, but I can't! How do I get over this? It seems like classical conditioning, but the extinction process is taking way too long. Some help would be appreciated!

Next time you want to drink, avoid whatever type of alcohol you drank the night you got vomited. So if you drank beer and vodka that night, try drinking whiskey or rum. Generally taste aversions form only to the specific type of liquor you were drinking.

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Okay, so I need advice on how to deal with my parents' extreame aggression.

Here is the thing, I am not a perfect child, and I know I can do wrong sometimes, but sometimes my parents get mad for littlest things. Their way of dealing with situations is not pleasent. Whether I deserve the trouble or not, this is usually their dealing process.

1. Extreamly loud shouting (not bothering to listen to explanation)
2.Hit me/Throw stuff at me (they have punched me, pulled my hair, whipped me with a cord, slapped me, etc. I wouldn't considerit child ABUSE, but rather excessive force.)
3.Threatening to kick me out/police station (I've been taken their, and kicked out of the house on a cold night)

What should I do? I don't know how to deal with their anger rages, and all the hurt...

Everything you listed if considered forms of child abuse. It's not just "rather excessive force." No parent is allowed to physically harm their child, and that includes your parents. It can be really difficult to define your parents' behavior as abuse because you love them and don't want to believe what they're doing is not only illegal, but immoral. However, you have to acknowledge that your parents are abusing you. After that, you need to get help from an outside source. Call 1-800-4-A-CHILD. This is the child abuse hotline. They can give you better direction on how to deal with the abuse you face at home.

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In you're opinion, if a high school girl that is 17 and 5'8 weighs 160 pounds, does she need to lose weight? If so, How much weight?
Let's also say this girl doesn't workout as much as she probably should (only goes on walks and plays the wii Zumba game) ...but she eats fairly healthy and used to have an issue severely restricting her calorie intake.
What are you're thoughts?

We can't really tell you if you're healthy or not. Only a doctor can do that, as more factors play into health than weight and height. Furthermore, we don't know how you carry your weight, so we can't really gauge if you appear "fat" (which is a horrendous term, in my opinion). If you feel uncomfortable and would like to lose weight try to eat 250 calories less per day than you normally would and burn 250 calories per day through exercise. You should begin to lose a pound a week, which is a healthy rate to lose weight. Chances are you're a beautiful girl inside and out, so only change yourself if you think you'll be more confident and happy.

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i dont want to live , why should i ? i dont feel happy anymore

You should seek a therapist. You might be suffering from depression or simply have some issues that you cannot handle on your own. Talk to a parent or trusted adult about seeking help so they can send you in the right direction.

If you ever feel you are truly on the brink of suicide call 1-800-273-8255 That is the national suicide hotline number. They can help you.

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I'm a 14 yr old girl and the other day my dad found weed in my sisters jacket he went ballistic. He punched her several times and then choked her. All our mother did was say No, Stop,No. Like wtf is that going to do? My dad is a very big and strong man. When I do something wrong like forget to vacume my dad wraps his hands around my throat like he's about to choke me. It's been like this for me ever since I was About 5 or 6. I just can't continue to live in constant fear. The even that happened recently with my sister I just can't seem to get it out of my mind. I get drunk next day wake up have a hangover still remember. Get high still freaking remember! I just don't know what to do. Please help me

First, call 1-800-273-8255

This is the suicide hotline number. I urge you to call this number. Suicide is NEVER answer, and the people on the other end of the phone can help you with what you are feeling.

Next, call 1-800-4-A-CHILD

This is the child abuse hotline. Unfortunately, no one on this site can stop your dad from abusing you and your sister, but these people can. No matter what you and your sister may do against your parents wishes, it is 100% illegal for any parent to put their hands on their child. Your mother is probably terrified, which is why she isn't taking much action. The most important thing to remember is this is not your fault. Your father isn't acting like a decent parent, and right now you and your sister's safety is the priority. Please call this number for help as soon as possible.

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There has been this guy that I've seen him everywhere i go.. Right now he's a junior while I'm a freshman. The first time i saw him was a picture on facebook i only thought he was cute. Then a couple months later i saw him at my gym. He looked me right in the eyes and i melted. After a while he stopped going to the gym so i started to get over him; until i saw him a the mall and he kept staring at me. After that high school started for me and i didn't know he went to my school until i saw him in my lunch wave. He was only a couple tables away from me and he would always be staring at me. Then when we would walk to class he would ALWAYS walk behind me. And stare at me. Then after that I kept seeing him; my mom would tell me its "fate" and that we me and him had was "love at first site" But only a couple days ago i found out he had a girlfriend because i heard him from behind me. I actually cried and i promise that i would hate him and get over him. Then when i go out to eat a Chinese restaurant i get my fortune cookie and it says "Forgive that person... believe me" My question to you guys is... do you believe this is fate also? or am i just being stupid and superstitious. Because i think i'm being just plain dumb for believing something is supposed to happen.

You shouldn't hate him. He probably started dating this girl long before he saw you around. I'm not really the biggest believer in fate, but who knows? You guys could end up together one day! I wouldn't advise you to wait around for this guy, though. If another great guy comes into your life, don't let that opportunity pass you by. You have four years left of high school, so just play it by ear and see how things go. Maybe you and this guy fall in love or maybe you find someone else really cool to be with. You'll just have to wait to see what happens.

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18/f

I used to watch porn on occasion but now I've noticed that I've been wanting to watch it more often. I just feel dirty about it. Should I feel ashamed?

It really depends on how much "more often" is. There is nothing wrong with the act of watching porn in itself. It becomes a problem when it cuts into your daily life. As long as you still function normally and don't feel sudden urges to drop everything you're doing to watch porn, you're alright.

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