|
Is my relationship harmful to my health?
19/f
Okay, so long story short, my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 5 months, but we dated last year for a few month and have known each other since we were kids. He had a REALLY rough childhood and basically has been on his own since he was 12. Over the past year, it has become more and more apparent that he has serious psychological problems. His whole life, he has fought people and that combined with his good looks, it's as if he feels like people owe him something. He has cheated death several times and continues to do bad things. After we got back together, he confessed that he was addicted to crystal meth. He said he wanted me to stay but knew that I had every right to leave. I do love him and I couldn't imagine the thought of leaving him. He promised he would get help as soon as he got a new house and settled in(his job moved closer to me so he got a house about 30 min. away) Well over the past few months, he has actually gotten better and had quit but I wasn't holding my breath because I understand how addictive the drug can be. Everything seemed GREAT. He moved into his new house and I noticed those same weird actions like when he was using (not sleeping, tons of energy, bags under his eyes) He told me a couple days later that he was using again. My first problem is I'm worried that his use of dope will put me in danger (although he never brings it around me) but also because of his drug use, he is constantly depressed with himself and his actions. Although he has an amazing job and can afford drugs plus a nice house and nice truck, he is in no way happy for himself because he knows he is letting me down. Even though he truly cares about me, this drug and his past actions have torn him apart and he takes his depression out on me. Half of the time he picks at me, tells me I'm unappreciative, says I'm a spoiled brat and I don't treat him right. Which I know is completely untrue because I have stayed around when most wouldn't, despite everything he has done. The other half of the time, he apologizes for his actions, says he's sorry for not being the man I deserve. His failure causes him to be more depressed. It's a constant cycle and I feel trapped, but the moment I even contemplate leaving him, I feel horrible. And not because I feel like I HAVE to be with him. I truly WANT to. I know it's not my responsibility to help him, but if you had any ideas how to, that would be great. Also, how do I cope with this myself? Thanks.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Your boyfriend sounds like he has too much going on in his life right now to handle a relationship. While this drug controls his life, he's not going to be able to treat you right. You need to break up with him and tell him you'll speak to him again once he completes either an inpatient or outpatient rehabilitation program. After realizing he's lost you, he might actually be more determined to get clean. The most important thing is that you don't have contact with him until he gets better. You need to show him that you will not settle for a man who abuses drugs.
]
Sure he has enough money for his nice truck, house, and drugs at the moment. But being an addict like that, unless they can get help and stay clean, its a nowhere road. Users go through ups and downs, mentally, physically, financially, you name it. He sounds like your average addict to me. Especially the him getting snappy over things you do. I absolutely believe you when you say its pretty much coming from nowhere. What do you expect from someone whose up for days? I'm sorry if what I'm gonna say isn't much help or isnt what you want to hear.. But honestly, As long as he continues using, this type of behavior is going to continue to be a typical everyday thing. Also, I can really tell that you love him and want to be with him.. However, you putting up with this type of behavior from him is you enabling him. If you want this to stop, you're going to have to eventually put your foot down. I know this would be hard for you, because you love him trust me I know.. But you just sitting by and watching him destroy his life and his health is not going to do anything at all. The sad reality of a drug addict is, if they truly are an addict in most situation the only thing they really care about is getting high. And I truly believe what people say how like, an addict will not stop doing drugs until THEY are READY to stop. Until they get that positive mind set that they are ready to better there lives, there is really nothing anyone can do. Also, depression is another average thing for an addict to experience. I know you love him, but believe me, sooner or later his useing WILL affect you.. It already is!!! You love him enough to submit yourself to his innapropraite behavior, his illegal drug use, how he treats you bad when he is useing, etc.. And are willing to let his misery make you also uphappy, BUT I'm wondering, and ask yourself this aswell, Do you think he loves you enough that if you have him an ultimatum: ("I love you more than anything, dont wanna have to do this but if you wont in my eyes this will be you ending this relationship and not me")"STOP useing, or I'm gone!!!" Do you think he would pick you? Or being able to keep getting high? It might break your heart but you may be suprised what his answer could be, and ya know what though? If his answer would be the drugs, why the hell would you want to be with someone like that anyways, If his answer is you, well then he needs to get his act together, and if not you need to stand your ground and make it clear you wont tollerate it. I really hope he doesnt have it on him when he is around you either. You dont want his mistakes ruining your life too. This is just my, and one opinion though. Just know I have experience with addicts and they may be the nicest most honest well rounded people in the world when they are sober. But when someone becomes an addict they are capable of anything, Stealing, lying to the people they love, etc, etc... I know they are not themselves and you love the person they are sober, and its hard to let it go, but I guess just hold in there if your not ready to let it go... I don't see a way of copeing unless you can just ignore or numb yourself from all of it, but what kind of life is that?? Just if he continues down the road he is going in my opinion things will only keep getting worse. The only REAL answer of how to solve your problem.. Is for him to get clean. If you want to get him help for his addiction, maybe talk to a member of his family you know he trust and respects and maybe a talk from them could help open his eyes a little. Hosting an intervention can be helpful, people who are close to him telling him what has changed in him when he uses, etc.. Maybe even just a serious dit down with you could help, tell him how his useing is affecting you, that it hurts you, how happy you guys could be if he could stop, etc etc...
]
Stop it right now..
His enemys can use your death as a revenge
]
More Questions: |