When we learn early on that we cannot trust those that are close to us, it is difficult to unlearn. Sometimes we even seek out people that are untrustworthy to validate our fears and worldview. You can overcome this, but it will take conscious effort and awareness on your part. Ask yourself who you can and cannot trust in your earliest family experiences. Could you trust parents, grandparents, teachers, friends, etc.? Who in your childhood could you not trust? Are you basing your current mistrusts on past emotions or rational evaluations of the people in your present life? Trust is earned. You do not have to trust everyone. It won't make you a bad or unreasonable person to take your time in deciding whether or not you can trust. You may not believe your boyfriend loves you, because you don't trust him to have the maturity to make that decision, or you may not believe it because you don't think you are lovable. You need to give yourself permission to protect yourself, but also to know that you don't have to give your whole self away to everyone that asks to be close to you. Maybe you feel like it is all or nothing. Either you have to throw caution to the wind and risk being hurt, or close down your emotions and shut people out completely. If you can't find a happy medium, then this is where you need to focus your energy. Start slowly, and trust in baby-steps, without going to one extreme or another. You don't owe anyone complete trust, but you will enjoy relationships more when you are able to trust.

You sound concerned about your mom out of genuine love. Please do not take on the responsibility of trying to fix or heal her yourself. Probably you have spent too much time of your young life taking care of her emotionally than is good for you. Let her boyfriend and her work things out for themselves. You can share your feelings with her, but you cannot force her to seek help. If you want your own healthy adult life, then you need to leave without feeling guilty for it. You do deserve to start thinking about a life that is apart and unburdened by your mother. If she were rational and healthy, she would want that for you.

Is there a third choice? No seriously, there is. You need to hold out for guy three. He is out there somewhere, and you might meet him soon if you are not too busy dating the other two. Let me tell you about the potential guy three.
Guy 3 Good Things:
He is sweet
He respects you
He is not in a rush to sleep with you
He is cute
He does not smoke, drink or use drugs
He is smart and makes healthy choices
He respects himself and others
He does not get in trouble
He tries his best in school
He is not perfect, but he is a good person

Guy 3 Bad Things:
He does not really know you yet
He is shy and you may have to talk to him first
He is not the most popular or coolest guy
He did not ask you out yet, so you have to wait

Wow, I think Guy 3 is worth waiting for, and I think that you are worth Guy 3! You don't need to date anyone, and so be very choosy. It is so important that you only date nice guys who will listen to you and not try sexual or other things you are not ready for. My Guy 3 was one example of the guys that are out there, but please right your own idea of the perfect Guy and look for him, wait for him. Don't settle for less!

First of all, I am so very sorry that this happened to you, that you were raped. I hate that word too, but it is nothing for the woman who was a victim of rape to be ashamed of. The only one who should be ashamed is the loser who commited the crime. Rape is always a crime and never the woman's fault, no matter what. If you have not already talked to your parents or another trusted adult about this, please do it now. You are totally correct about telling the police, especially if this creep threatened you after he hurt you with more violence! The police are experienced in dealing with these exact circumstances and will be very helpful. I am glad that you told a few friends and did not keep it totally bottled up. However, I want you to tell a caring adult and the police as soon as you get off the computer. You are a very brave girl and did not deserve what happened to you. I will be thinking of you, and hoping that you will get some real help and support soon. Thank you for being truthful and brave. Now talk to someone...

Sounds normal, but if you are seriously thinking about having sex, you need to do more than look in a mirror. I hope your teacher has talked in depth about the emotional and physical risks involved in all sexual activity, and the ways to protect yourself from getting hurt and getting diseases. I have NEVER heard of an advanced sex ed class at your grade level. If you are confused about any more information or are thinking about having sex in the near future, please talk to a trusted family member, teacher, school counselor, or visit a planned parenthood for more information and protection.

So many guys, so little time! Sounds like you have a lot of possible crushes...ah to be young, again! Here's the deal. Most guys are very shy about approaching girls, so pick a time when you are comfortable and start a conversation. Start by smiling and saying hello to each guy you think you might be interested in. Very quickly, you should get an idea of whether or not they have interest in you. Talking with someone you don't really know can make you nervous, so practice talking with some guys who you only are friends with and don't have crushes on. Practice will make it easier for you to approach guys or be ready when they approach you! Don't try to read mixed signals, before you actually get to talk to and know each guy awhile. The matchmaker thing sounds interesting, but don't limit yourself to it. Good luck!

While it is true that you cannot "spot reduce" fat, (Darn it!) you can lengthen muscle with pilates to a point. Thighs contain one of the biggest muscle areas, your quads. Working out could actually increase muscle mass here and make them appear larger due to increased muscle. Your height/weight ratio is actually pretty slender, so be grateful for those genes. Hopefully you won't obsess on this one area of your body too much. Women are made curvy and that is a good thing. However, clothing can make a difference, too. Avoid slender fit jeans, pencil skirts, anything that clings to or is tight in your thigh area. Most likely your thighs only appear huge to you. Increase your muscle in your calves if you want to create a more proportional appearance.

You miss the illusion you once had of him, not him. We cannot pick and choose the parts of someone. You need to integrate the good memories with the bad, in this case the very bad. You deserve better and you know it. You deserve more than an illusion, also. I am not suprised that he dumped you in such a cruel way, because he is a cruel man. What is suprising is that you did not dump him sooner. Part of you might think that the real Mr. Right will not come along and you are scared to be alone. The thing is, you were alone for three years. You were made unavailable to any decent men because you were with a loser. Do not settle for that nonsense. Mr Right is not a fantasy, but he might as well be if you are still blinded by Mr Jerk. We get what we settle for. Raise your standards and you will not regret it. Lower them again, for this Jerk or any other, and you will deeply regret it. Put yourself on the market again, but be more selective and take your time to make sure the next men you date are treating you with total respect. If they don't, they are wasting your time, and you are done with that crap!

You are sounding overwhelmed and frustrated, but still determined to find a solution! Think about the things you can and cannot change at work. Make a list of each separately. Study each one to make sure you don't have an item on one list that really could or should be on the other. Now, take a deep breath and throw the can't change it list in the trash. That is where it belongs. Do not think about those things anymore. Accept that some things are out of your control. Now the good news! Look at the can change it list and put your energy and ideas there. When we realize how much we waste on what we can't fix, then we can just put our efforts into positive areas and see results.

I hear you and I think we have all been there in the volunteering world! Maybe the next time she has a brainstorm you could tell her something like this: "Wow, you sure are a powerhouse of ideas. Why don't you go with that one and make it your personal project. Maybe after you get the ball rolling some of us could find a way to support you in your project." OR "That sounds like you have put a lot of thought into that idea, could you explain how you would get that started or get back to us when you come up with more details." OR "Oh, that sounds really hard. I don't know how one would tackle on such a task. What exactly is your plan to get it started?" OR "A fundraiser dinner is one way to go. Does any one have any other ideas? Let's all think about the possibilities before we make a group decision." I hope you can use one of these ideas!

If you were just friends with her, my advice would be different. Your supervisor lacks professional boundaries, so you need to maintain yours even more. It sounds like you already took the appropriate steps in talking to her directly and to her manager. The truth is that you are very critical of her whether or not it seems justified, and she will most likely continue to ignore the unwanted advice or become annoyed with you. Either scenario will not help you or her. Continue to be pleasant, but lose the burden of trying to save her from her tacky self. Concentrate instead on your own professionalism, appearance, and future. Maybe she will eventually look to you for advice, as you maintain a silent witness of work ethics.

I want you to talk to your doctor about this if you can. It may be a hormonal problem or something chemical that can be fixed. If it is not a medical problem, your best bet is a counselor. Are you going through any physical or emotional changes in your life? There are many things that can cause stress and you need to find out or at least rule out some possibilities. I don't know your age, but that could also shed some light on your situation. Some people bottle things up for years, sometimes something very painful and it affects a lot of areas. Hang in there and let me know if I can be more helpful.

I only know that photobucket will not return a picture to the original size once it has been reduced. Good luck!

For a while it might be a good idea to put some space between yourself and the two lovebirdies. Enjoy spending time with your single friends whom you have more in common with at the moment. If you don't have other friends, now is a great time to make some! Also, relationships can seem too good to be true at first, but things can change fast! You may be suprised at the problems dating and relationships bring. Your friend may be enjoying herself right now, but may be crying on the phone to you next month. Love will present many opportunities for you in your life. Remember that everyone falls in and out of love and goes through the ups and downs of the love carousel, so hang in there!

I have experience debating both sides of this issue. Sometimes we have such an emotional reaction to abortion that we forget to look at and study all the facts. I will never tell you what to believe, but I would suggest to anyone concerned about abortion to research it for themselves. There are some powerful arguments for and against abortion. Unfortunately, there are some poor ones as well. If your concern is for the life of the unborn, then you can help in a real and positive way. The best approach to any "problem" is prevention. Learn as much as you can about unwanted pregnancy and ways to reduce it. Education is something you can do for yourself and then encourage others to do the same. Stick with the facts and avoid overused slogans and jargin. If you believe in abstinence or using birthcontrol than find out more about those tools to avoid pregnancy. Judging others will not stop or reduce abortion, but you can take positive steps to find out what works.

Wow! I am impressed that you can "lucid dream," as it is not that common. I bet you are highly imaginative. Many successful people say that they practice picturing what they want to do before doing it. If you can do that in your dream, it may actually help. Once you master the kissing, maybe you can dream about your next goal....getting through math classes?

I don't have any way of knowing that for sure. You can reduce the chances of infection by keeping your ears and whatever touches them clean. They sell antibacterial products specifically made for piercings at the piercing facility itself. They can suggest the best for you. I used Bactine and it worked for me, but I can't promise anything. Good luck!


You could be creating a lot of scar tissue if the piercings are "healed" and the holes closed. The trouble is you cannot pierce or rather repierce through old scar tissue. I am not sure where exactly you want to pierce them, but the lobes are probably the least painful and easiest to heal. Maybe ask a few certified piercers to look at your ears. Get more than one opinion that it is safe before you proceed. Did your other piercings rip? That could be worse as far as more scar tissue build up. Make sure that you follow cleaning instructions perfectly and only go to a professional and sanitary certified piercer if you do go through with it.

Cut out fast food and processed food. Drink eight glasses of water a day. No soda or juice. Do not undereat or starve yourself, as that will mess up your metabolism and make you gain weight faster. Exercise for one-two hours 3-5 times per week. Snack on fruit and veggies. Indulge a little on your favorite food or treats...only before noon. Exercise in the earliest part of the day, so you will burn calories and feel more full during the day. Exercising in the evening can also make sleep difficult. If you only need to lose five pounds, consider yourself blessed! You are already beautiful, so don't stress! When starting a new workout your body automatically retains water, so it takes several weeks before your body will realize that you will not dehydrate, and then you will lose the water weight. Help your body do this faster by drinking lots of water and avoiding too much salt and caffeine. Good luck!

You can take the class next semester from a different teacher possibly, but in case you are stuck with her, you had better do your best. Tell her right from the beginning that you want to study hard and learn a lot. Sit in the front of the class and take a ton of notes! Ask for lots of help from her directly and let her see your effort. Usually this helps to win favor. She may be the toughest, but the best teacher you ever had. In any case, you will carry your skills with you throughout your life. Better to get a B from a teacher who actually taught you something, than an A from a teacher who just hands them out. Grades will only take you so far, and you will have to actually use what you've learned someday.

Either he was checking you out or remembers you, but who cares! More importantly why do you? He was a jerk and probably still is. If he was a jerk to you he was probably a jerk in general and does not remember or care in great detail how he treated others. It may be tempting to find some satisfaction in him checking you out, but that is only if you are still seeking his approval. He does not deserve another thought from you. There are plenty of nice guys who were probably noticing you, too. Did you see them?

"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. To say something you value deeply to another and to have him or her value it equally by listening to it carefully and apppreciatively is the most universal way of exchanging social interest or demonstrating affection." David Augsburger, CARING ENOUGH TO HEAR AND BE HEARD.


All sincere persons will be given thoughtful examination and reply. Please be specific about your situation as it applies to your question, the applicable information and facts necessary for me to properly assess your situation and give you the benefit of my knowledge and experience, which includes: experience/education with mentoring, relationship study, self help, spirituality, poetry, literature, philosophy, psychology, color theory, teaching, parenting, and debate that will be used to your advantage. I am concerned with offering an objective and realistic perspective more than ratings, because this will help YOU. Artificial sweetness is found in diet soda, not in my advice. If you feel that I did not understand your question or need more specifics to help, please let me know, but while all truth is subjective, questioners should be mature enough to hear answers not necessarily agreed with. If you are only looking for someone to tell you just what you want to hear, then you may not be ready for my advice. I believe in personal responsibility, self and other awareness and your power and ability to recreate and redirect your own life. All our misery and joy begins and ends within ourselves, but our willingness to be open can bring the positive or negative energy we seek. If you or someone you know is open to positive help, the resources and caring individuals needed are available now.

http://www.coolnurse.com/

http://www.4woman.gov/violence/

http://www.childhelpusa.org/about/programs-and-services/childhelp-national-child-abuse-hotline-1-800-4-a-child

drug/alcohol abuse help go here: http://www.4drugabuse.com/addiction-treatment.html

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/1800-273-TALK(8255)
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, our mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential. -----------------------------------

http://www.kidscrisis.com/

http://www.teenadviceonline.org/gethelp/numbers.html

You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day, free & confidential. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

For info. on birth control etc.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is the only hotline that children and parents can call with any problem at any time:
Open 24-hours a day, every day at 1-800-448-3000

Spanish-speaking counselors available; translation services for 100+ languages

TTY line available for the hearing-impaired at 1-800-448-1833

Counselors can help find services and agencies in the callers' local community

Help at the End of the Line
Callers talk to highly-trained, professional counselors who listen and give "right now" answers. They're sympathetic people who have expertise dealing with these and other problems:

depression

suicide

running away

parenting problems

relationship concerns

physical, sexual, and emotional abuse

chemical dependency

mental health

anger

aggressive behavior

Toll Free
Operated by Father Flanagan's Boys' Home, hotline services are free of charge to every parent and child in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, U.S. territories, and Canada.

Toll-Free: 1-800-448-3000

http://www.sex-ed101.org/links.html

http://www.anorexicweb.com/anorexicweb.html

Report Child Abuse
Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD TDD: 1-800-2-A-CHILD



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All our motivations stem from two: Love or Fear. When in turmoil or indecision, ask yourself from which of these you are acting. If you want an honest response outside of yourself, you need to first be honest within yourself. Bless you on your journey!

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