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why do I still want this jerk?
About 6 weeks ago I was dumped over the internet by my long term bf. He did it in a very cowardly and cruel way with no explanation- pretty ignorant for a 3 year relationship. Everyone is telling me I'm better off without him. When I first met him I thought he was mr. right- he was caring, attentive; and charming. But then I saw his true colours. He would yell at me for no reason; get extremely jealous when I talked to his male friends; constantly put me and other women down; was a womanizer and cheated on me; and had a porn addiction. The meanest thing he ever did was stick his face in mine and yell "I"M SO SORRY"! after I told him his friends at a party were making me uncomfortable. I started writing a list of all the crap he did to me to make me feel better. But there is still a part of me that misses him when he was nice. Does anyone have any methods for how I can get over this jerk? And why do I still want him after everything he did?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You miss the illusion you once had of him, not him. We cannot pick and choose the parts of someone. You need to integrate the good memories with the bad, in this case the very bad. You deserve better and you know it. You deserve more than an illusion, also. I am not suprised that he dumped you in such a cruel way, because he is a cruel man. What is suprising is that you did not dump him sooner. Part of you might think that the real Mr. Right will not come along and you are scared to be alone. The thing is, you were alone for three years. You were made unavailable to any decent men because you were with a loser. Do not settle for that nonsense. Mr Right is not a fantasy, but he might as well be if you are still blinded by Mr Jerk. We get what we settle for. Raise your standards and you will not regret it. Lower them again, for this Jerk or any other, and you will deeply regret it. Put yourself on the market again, but be more selective and take your time to make sure the next men you date are treating you with total respect. If they don't, they are wasting your time, and you are done with that crap!
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It's always hard to let go fo a long term relationship. Even bad ones. From what you have told me he sounds very rude and not very considerate of your feelings at all. We women tend to think we can "fix" a man or that things will get better later. The truth is we can't fix them and it won't get any better later. The best sign of future behavior is past behavior. The way that he broke up with you is a blatant display of disrespect! I say you are better off without him! I know that doesn't make it any easier for you. Just give yourself some time to readjust. Get out with friends and do things that you enjoy and you will find yourself moving on sooner than you think.
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leave that effer for good woman! you dont deserve that! i know it hard but you will get over him. give it time. just dont think about him, dont talk to him, and if you can ask your freinds to never bring him up. obviously hes just a freaking a$$ hole.
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"Does anyone have any methods for how I can get over this jerk?"
The best answer for this question is time. It takes time to get over a long term relationship, especially a relationship that lasted for three years. First of all, i'm so sorry for the breakup. I can only imagine how hard it must be on you. I know how bad it hurts to get dumped. He must be a real pussy to break up with you over the internet. That's just stupid. He didn't have a reason, consider that a blessing. At least you don't have to go any longer with this jerk. Him treating you like this is reason enough to end this cruel, harrassing, abusive relaionship. Go out and spend time with your friends to pass the time. Go to the movies, treat yourself to a day at the spa, whatever. You deserve it.
"And why do I still want him after everything he did?"
You dated this boy for a long time. Of course you are still going to want him at first. You loved him, and cared for him and he wasn't always an asshole. But you have to realize that he is now. It's ok to still love him and want him, just don't act on these feelings. Keep yourself as far away from him as possible. If you start thinking about the good, simply start thinking about the bad.
I know how hard this is on you, if you need anyone to talk to, leave me one. Or we could talk by email if you'd like. My email address is choke0nlove@yahoo.com
Good Luck, things will get better.
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When you love someone its hard for you to see all the bad when you WANT to see the good. Keep telling yourself that he was abusive, which is what he is, and that you deserve better. Its natural to take a while for people to get over someone they love especially after they date for a long time. Make sure you spend a lot of times with friends and go out as much as possible. That way youll have so much fun you wont be thinking about him. But try to stay away from places you and him went a lot. Cause then unwanted memories will come back to you. Try dating some new people to, or just flirt with random guys at places you go. Itll make you feel better about yourself, and you might find someone new.
If all else fails. Get sum Ben and Jerrys =]
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The only way to get over him is to not talk to him or see him. You still want him bc you really cared for him and still remember the good he did to you and can't seam to forget it despite what he did wrong. You've got to focuss on the present and how he treated you now not then. Try finding a new person, put yourself out there. Have friends hook u up on dates. Hang out w/ people more, stay busy. I'm really sorry, it happens to all of us at times. You really do diserve better and don't forget that. Good Luck & I'm very sorry!!
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We get attached to the familiar and comfortable, even when that familiar and comfortable is a nasty self absorbed ass.
Don't worry too much about still missing him, six weeks after three years really isn't that long. Give yourself more time to make a clean break.
It might also help you to realize that is probably isn't him specifically you miss. You miss being in a relationship with a person who was kind to you (as he was occasionally) more then you actually miss your ex himself. There is a definite difference between missing the good parts of just being in a relationship and missing the actual person you were with.
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When you get really attached to a person by being with them so long and you miss them, you tend to look for the littlest reason of why you do and sometimes you can't even find it. But you keep on missing them. It's unexplainable, really. When you start to miss him, remember all the reasons that you're NOT together anymore but don't become bitter about it.
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