TheTeenGirl's advice column

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Q: I have been going out with my boyfriend now for 3 monthes. I am 14 years old. Last night, we went to a house party. Ther was this game were we had to give head. I didn't want to give his bestfriend head, but all the girls were doing it. The game was called "rainbow."
I feel so guilty, and gross, what can i do to feel better?

I can understand pressure, but since you went along with the crowd, you deserve to feel guilty and gross. You need to quit going to house parties to avoid these situations. Doing what the other girls do doesn't make you better, cooler, it only proves to people that you're nasty enough to give any guy head. Heres a tip: Do not do what you don't want to do no matter how much people want you to. I am wondering if your boyfriend of 3 months knows, because if he doesn't, you can wash out some guilt by telling him.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Hey, I'm a girl and I'm 14 years old. Okay I'm sure I love guys and everything, but I'm attracted to my best friend and my best friend is also a girl and 13 years old. I know I'm not attracted to any other girls, but her. It's weird because I feel if I could be with her it would be less complex then with a guy and since I know everything about her and she knows everything about me I feel we could be very happy together. I don't look at other girls or watch porno to see girls at all. I flirt with guys but just a lot less now because I'm focused on my best friend and I. I know for a fact if she doesn't want to be with me that way I'll go back to guys and I'll have no regret in my life becuase i went for her. We've experimented 3 times now and liked it time. One time she's wanted me so badly she's licked her lips at me and at the same time stared deep in my eyes craving to touch me. We do have a plan to try to go to college together and live together and get a big house together. We feel very relaxed and happy around each other. My life couldn't feel anymore complete without her. It's like guys are a last resort because I know if I can't have be with her then I'll go for guys. I'm very scared to tell her because if I do she'll be freaked out and wouldn't wanna be best freinds with me anymore or just be around me anymore. Please help a girl out!

Listen, you are 14 years old, please don't identify yourself yet. Don't try so hard to figure out your true sexuality, let things go on, and don't experiment with your friend if you aren't going to tell her you like it, and why would she be so freaked out if shes been 'licking her lips at you'? And not to mention, experimenting with you? If shes going to hate you for liking to experiment, then shes just a bit messed up because shes doing it too. I thought experimenting meant, 'deciding what you are', and so, shes going to get upset for feeling like you are attracted to her? Don't hide all of this, just tell her, because the more you plan on things, and the more you keep 'loving her' the way you do, she might have the reaction you said and you will be crushed. Shes a 13 year old girl! No wonder she might freak out, you and her are way too young to decide what you are, you should now just be stepping into puberty, you don't know what your true feelings are yet in my opinion, sorry, but you're trying to label your sexuality too early.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: ive read some questions and most about sex with guys is a little making me uncomfortable. not all guys are horny lil bastards. i dont go looking for sex and all that, i just look for some1 i can relax with and have a good time with, not the first girl that is willing to give it up 4 me. trust me girl when i say this, guys are all talk. they say that with their friends, but if a girl came on to me wanting sex (im a virgin) i wouldnt have a clue what 2 do.

I believe they are all talk, but lots of normal guys want sex. I know not all guys are like that, but its not like we don't know they can't control their hormones, but many teenage guys are this way, like it or not. But its good that they don't stay this way, thank you for maturity. Also, we know they are all talk with friends, they feel the need to impress, or they are nothing. I'm sorry this upsets you, but all the girls out there thank you for being one of those guys that are rare, and hopefully you won't take advantage of a girl and just have sex with her.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: ok im the girl who asked this ? ok me and my bf just broke up last night ok and it was all becuz i told him the truth about something i told him that i was starting to have feelings for someone else and i mean i hadn't cheated on him or anything me and the other guy just talk alot and i think im starting to have feelings for him and my ex was asking me what was wrong and i told him and i told him becuz i felt like i was lying to him and i didn't want to feel that way ne more and now he thinks im imature and sex hungry for some reason which im not i not stupid and i don't plan on doing any of that kind of crap any time soon just cuz the fact my parents would kill me and cuz im to young......so really who's being the imature one here me or him??? and should i have told him?? i mean was it a stupid mistake telling him or did i do the right thing???
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ok now heres the thing i just found out from one of my bestest friends in the world i mean she wouldn't lie to me about anything ok that my ex made out with this chick on a chorus trip and it was in florida when it happened and what not but when i confronted him about it he says what happens somewhere else stays there im just wonder if thats RIGHT in any kind of way.......becuz he made me feel guilty for just talking to another guy and he effin made out with another chick so do you think thats right........

This guy is a big jerk, he made you feel guilty forv talking to another guy, then when he finds out that you know he made out with a girl in another state, he comes up with the excuse, "What happens somewhere else stays somewhere else." Bull crap, this is your business too, especially if you guys are involved 'guilt tripping' each other. But you need to tell him to get a life, and go on with yours because he has nothing better to do than be a big jerk to you.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: okay well i rlly rlly like this guy and we flirt a lot...but the problem is that i'm 14 and he's 16...he thinks it would be wrong to go out w/ me b/c im still in middle school...but i don't think its wrong at all b/c everyone else does it...do you think he's scared or that he doesn't like me?,...please helpp

You don't think its wrong because everyone else does it? Ok, that really shows your age. Hes not some pervert is why hes not dating you, thats just it. It is wrong, you should find a guy whose your age, not 16. Hes not scared, he just knows that he shouldn't be messing around with 14 year old girls.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: ya .. so me and my ex of 7 months broke up about a month ago.. and we're still kinda together, just without the official name ya know? but yah.. he goes out and sees other people, and i have been lately too. but tonight, he got drunk, and he said that he was with a girl and all this other stuff, and it made me realize how we really need to see other people, because hes still hurting me by telling me this stuff. how can i forget about him? everytime i'm with another guy, hes in the corner of my mind.. and i can't take it anymore because i want to be over w/ him. help.

You shouldn't date other guys for a while, because you aren't over him, and hes talking about a new girl, and its hurting you. So I really think you are asking the right question, how do I forget him? You are right, you should, its really great that you know this guy is only a jerk and you deserve better. And yes, its going to be very hard to get over him, because it was 7 months, and thats a really long time for a girl in love with a guy. But, the only way you will ever be able to get over someone, is to not be around them, no matter how much you want to be. I think its time to take a break from guys and do things for yourself. Take a bath, go shopping, pig out, slumber party, something for you. Don't worry about being selfish, you've probably done lots for this guy, and he repaid you horribly. So, you should help yourself and try doing what you like, and don't get involved with this guy again.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: You know what?? Whoever is asking these repulsive questions needs to knock it off!! Whoever it is you are a disgusting pervert who needs to go play with a tree!! And moderators, delete this moron! You can't let him ask these questions!!
I'm also going to stand up for candi_sweet_hart, you aren't whatever that ass called you. Whoever it was, he/she is a mofo.

Wow. Why does it bug you so much? Now they are probably sitting at there computer laughing that they get to you like that.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: So there's this guy I like who likes me back.. the only reason we're not going out is because he lives in another city really far away. But its sort of understood that we have this thing going on. Anyway.. he's always talking about how hard it is for him to communicate openly with girls considering he doesnt have many female friend... ha yeah right. I just so happened to have guessed his email password (wrong I know.. but I have it and now I cant just not have it anymore!) and he has a ton of emails from all sorts of girls. There are "xoxo"'s and "love so and so"'s everywhere!!! I know Im not technically supposed to be mad considering Im not supposed to have been in there anyway.. but I cant help it. Is there anyway I can confront him about the girls.. ask him if there's someone else.. without him knowing I went in his email? Or should I shake it off and leave him and his email alone?

I think you should let this guy go. He just sounds like a guy who plays with peoples' hearts, and obviously all those girls could be victims. This is an online guy right? If it is, I don't think any guilt should be felt about guessing his password and seeing that many girls are falling for him. Hes a probably a cheater, so don't let yourself love this guy any longer, block him. Thats what I say.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: ok me and my bf just broke up last night ok and it was all becuz i told him the truth about something i told him that i was starting to have feelings for someone else and i mean i hadn't cheated on him or anything me and the other guy just talk alot and i think im starting to have feelings for him and my ex was asking me what was wrong and i told him and i told him becuz i felt like i was lying to him and i didn't want to feel that way ne more and now he thinks im imature and sex hungry for some reason which im not i not stupid and i don't plan on doing any of that kind of crap any time soon just cuz the fact my parents would kill me and cuz im to young......so really who's being the imature one here me or him??? and should i have told him?? i mean was it a stupid mistake telling him or did i do the right thing???

No matter what anyone says, you did the right thing. You knew this shouldn't have been a secret, and you told. Now, when boyfriends hear about their girls liking someone else, its just plain upsetting news, so, you can't be upset for him feeling angry, confused, and sad. These are perfectly normal feelings. The problem with him is, he was really hurt, and maybe you should try apologizing EVEN though he may have called you those names, [immature and sex hungry] because maybe that was an expression of anger, and he might have not ment it. Try saying, "Listen, I understand that you're upset, but would you have rather of had myself keep this a secret, or to let you know, and find out the wrong way?" And tell him you're sorry that hes upset at least, you don't have to apologize for your feelings which can't be controlled. But, maybe you could give him comfort, but yes, you did the right thing, no mistake at all.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: okay big health project and the question is what turns a girl on about a guy?

From the teen years, girls are mostly turned on by:

*Guys that call them beautiful, speaks nicely to them.

*Talks to them, and not talk nasty, and aren't all perverted.

*Boyfriends that are able to talk to you, and not touch you at the same time all the time.

Basically girls are turned on by guys who make an effort to build a relationship instead of a sex game.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: well i have this teacher he is realy mean and yells at me when im not even talkin wat should i do

After that class, ask him if you can talk to him. Say, "[Mr. Jones], I need for you to move me to the other side of the class, because people near me are talking, not me, and its really annouying that you snap at me for being accused of talking." And if he won't make an effort to move you, then tell the principal, or any staff members of the school about this.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: im a thirteen year old responsible teenager the problem with me is that my parents are getting a divorce. i dont have a problem with dat because my dad treats my mum like shit he beats her up and all all that stuff. Now i really want a boyfreind but my mum says no she says you cant have one till im 21 when i asked her why she said because in her day the didnt have boyfreinds at that age. everytime i want 2 mke my own decisions she makes them for me like wat clubs to join wat freinds i should hve what clothes to wear and im getting sick of it (i always have been) please help i also have a problem confronting her with my problems because she dups all her problems on me like im her phycatrist or sth, i cry myself to sleep everyday plse help

You need to do these things:

*Know that you will be able to date before 21, because when you're 18, they can no longer keep you in a house.

*Now, I'm not sure if you're interested in a certain guy right now, but if you aren't, then don't worry about dating until you actually find somebody.

*Get yourself a therapist, or a school counselor involved so that you can have at least some type of helpful mother figure, and maybe try getting your mom into therapy too, it sounds like shes really sad.

*Tell the therapist or counselor about this whole dating thing, and maybe ask your mom for a chance to show you a guy you happen to be interested in.

*AND make sure that you get some help too, because you're starting to get like your mom, really sad.

Basically what you need, is someone outside of your family to help you. But please, you and your mom need some help in this.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Im so sick of this. I have a friend and one weekend we were suppost to go to the mall together, Well I kinda ditched her.. but anyway the thing is one my birthday she ditched me!! Well today my other friend basically ditched me.. its not like I havent felt it before and I told her about it. She said "It sucks right?" So I said "Well duh.. but wouldnt it suck more if it was on your fricking birthday?!?" and I walked away... I feel bad.. but then I dont want to talk to her. What do I do?

I'm not sure whose really in the right, I'm thinking that you both are wrong, because you both ditched each other, you did it first, and she felt she had to get revenge. You need to either try working this out by saying, "hey, I want things the way they were, yes, I admit that I did ditch you for the mall, but if you had done that to me, I wouldn't have dared done it on your birthday." But its probably going to take a while, but listen, it really hurts to be ditched, even if its just a trip to the mall. It makes people feel rejected and angry, I know you've felt it now, and I'm not saying you deserved it, I am saying that maybe now you should take things where you go with your friend a bit more seriously.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: i like someone and i do everything i know to get his attention. i flirt and wear cute outfits and try to stand out in the classes i have with him. what am i doing wrong? what else can i do?

You're trying too hard, don't dress up for him, dress for yourself, and try not to flirt so much, use it occasionally and just talk to him until you know each other better, but my advice is to just stop trying and make friends with this guy first. Remember to be yourself.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: ok here it is...i moved into a two family house,,,the people downstairs are related to the peopl i lived with upstairs but they have no relation to me...understand? well, the girl downstairs has a baby and a boyfriend. i always had a crush on him but ignored it because i knew it was wrong, but one day we made plans to hang out without everyone else and kept it a secret and thats how it all began and now i have moved out of that house but i continue to see him on the low. i still go to that house because my family still lives there and i am close to this guys daughter and girlfriend, i love him so much and i know how wrong i am! and i always feel bad because im hurting all these ppl around me but no one understands that i really love him! plz no negativity i just need some point of view! i hurt so bad because i am in love with him but i cant keep going like this! i tried breaking it off with him but i just love him so much and i cant turn away and say no to him!

I think you need to get away from that guy, I know he lives there, but stay away from him as possible. He actually made plans with you to hang out without the others? No, thats wrong. Its ok to crush on a guy, but its not ok if it doesn't stay a crush. This guy has a kid, and a girlfriend, hopefully he will stay with his family instead of picking on a little girl, 'tried breaking it off with him?' You guys are dating? Um, wow, break it off now, you are hurting people, oh man, this is wrong. Please break it off, can you imagine the girlfriends look on her face if she found out?

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I feel like the worst person in the world. On March 17 me and my boyfriend of 3 years got into a huuuge fight because he cheated on me. Our relationship was sooo good and we always got told that we were the role model for couples, well anyways..we got into a huge fight and we said things that we didnt mean and I told him that I wish he wasnt in my life and he would just die because I hated him so much, those were my exact words. Later that night at 11:26 I got a phone call from his sister (we were really close, she was like a little sister to me) she was crying really hard and she told me that she had found him in his room laying on the floor, dead. I didnt even know what to do with myself. He had taken a gun to his head. She read me a note that he left and it said "I'm so sorry, I love you so much" thats all it said, and he had the date that we started going out until forever carved into his arm. That night when my parents found out they tried to comfort me and all that but I just didnt want to be around anyone. I went to my room and I cut myself so bad and my mom walked in and stopped me and just held me and I cried for hours, with my wrists bleeding, and I fell asleep crying in my moms arms. I'm getting help now. I went to his funeral and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, I fell to the floor when I went up to his casket at the wake and his mom had to pick me up and just hold me while we cried. I go to his house all the time and talk to his family and just tell them how sorry I am and we talk about all of our memories. I havent slept since the night it happened, and I havent been to school, the doctors say I probably wont go to school for about another month, I might be homeschooled. I can't even look at myself anymore. I can't beleive those hateful words were the last words I ever got to tell the love of my life. I'm sorry it is really long but does anyone have any advice on how to help me get through this?

Huge fights with people you love, have emotions running high. What I think you need is a whole time for just yourself. No, its not selfish, its helping you be able to get through life the best you can. Yes, the way your boyfriend died is very tragic, and you won't ever forget those words directed to him before he was dead, but remember this, if you knew he was going to commit suicide if those words were said, would you have said them? No, definetly not. He knew you didn't mean it either, but let me tell you, that what you are feeling at this time is sadness, and soon, you might feel angry with people, God, Jesus, your boyfriend of 3 years, but no matter what anyone tells you, those feelings are more than normal. But, I think you need to keep talking about how you feel to somebody until you run out of things to say. Everybody, including you, knows that this isn't your fault at all, he was the one who did it, not to sound mean towards him, but he did this to himself, and left you here to suffer, and he definetly did not mean to do that. But, you need to take time for yourself, and do everything you feel like doing except hurting yourself in anyway. Now that you've said that you are sorry, try going everyday, and telling him what you are enjoying in life, now, you're probably thinking 'nothing', but at least tell him how much your parents care to take care of you about this. Just tell him everything about how you are feelings, whats going on. You should have your parents buy you some 'coping with death' books, but I really would like to help you talk about this, so I would really really be honored if you 'inboxed' me and talked to me about your feelings, and I can give you advice ow to cope with it, and I will really make an effort to help you.

Please talk to me, I am willing to help you, I'm not busy, and it won't be bugging me, I will feel really good about helping you, and I want you to feel good too.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: my boyfriend which is 16 and i am 14 we love each other a lot and care about each other but 4 the past couple of days his sister hates me because i am not a virgin and she is trying to do everything she can to break us up and i dont know what to do!! can u plz help? i will rate!! i dont want to lose him i love him with al my heart.

I think I can understand the way his sister feels, you're 14, and have already had sex? Thats probably why, everyone sees the shock in it. But, you can tell her that you can't change the past, and right now its the present, and ask her if you guys can start over, but I'm not sure if its a good idea to tell your sexual history to siblings and boyfriend relatives. But, basically, you can tell her that you don't like being in this.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: im 14 and my sister is 17. she has a boyfriend that shes really close with and a just got a car. shes supposed to come every other weekend but since she got her car she never comes. shes always at her boyfriends and if she does come she just leaves anyways. i really love spending time with her and i miss her a lot cause i never see her anymore. i know that shes older and doesnt want to spend time with her family, but i still do. what should i do? i dont know if i could really talk to her.

Aren't your parents upset about this? They should talk to her, let her know that she needs to spend time with her little sister and parents, tell your parents, your sister might not listen, so try your parents first, and then maybe you could say, "hey sis, I really liked it when you came over to see me, I miss spending time with you." And maybe she will say she misses it too, and if she doesn't, shes not very nice, I understand that shes getting her own life, and its good that you get that, but you still deserve time with her! You are still apart of her life. So, I think you need to tell them both how you feel.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: How can it be that you can have casual sex? I am a virgin and some of my friends have had sex. Those who have also have casual sex. I just don't understand how you can have sex without having a comitment. Doesn't it still end up being a comitment because someone will want a relationship. It's natural for humans to want to have a relationship. So why is it that people can have casual sex with different people without a more serious relationship??

There is no way in the world that having 'casual' sex will equal eternal or even temporary love. People who have casual sex, are sluts, they do it with anybody, is that not a slut? People who are in love and have sex are more responsible with their bodies and do make a real commitment. People who just do it don't care for relationships. They just go for the sex. I'm not sure why people don't wait, like a lot of little 13 or 14 year old girls who don't care to wait. They just want to do it and be able to take pride in it, but soon they will head down the path of regret. When I'm old, I'll want to be able to say, "I had sex the smart way." Meaning I had sex with people who I were in love with. I am glad that you brought this topic up, its pretty important.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Me and this guy have liked eachother for about 2 months (long story why we're not dating yet) and we were outside of our friend's house. We held hands and he kissed me. My parents just happened to be driving by at the time, and me being their "little baby girl" they're extremely over-protective. They went to his house and told him to stay away from him and told me that I wasn't allowed to talk to him anymore. I am very upset about this and so is he. I usually don't get chances like this to have a relationship so please..help. What can I do to make this work?

Heres why they were upset:

1. They caught you, thats just bad enough

2. You never told them about your love life, and how much you like this guy even though they are overprotective

3. You're probably only 13 or 14.

Now, you say theres a long explaination why you guys aren't dating, would that explaination be because of your parents? Listen, don't kiss guys who aren't your boyfriend, what do you call yourselves? Friends with benefits? Now, I am sure he wouldn't and you know him well enough, but what if he were to kiss somebody else and said, "but we aren't dating." The thing is, you blew it. I know it sucks to have overprotective parents, but going behind their back is no way to loosen them up, now they are probably so tight like a violin string. You need to earn him back as your friend at least, but until then, you should try helping your parents around the house and ask them if theres anything you can do to earn their trust back. Now, them being overprotective parents, it will take time. But, if they sound really serious, and continue to say that you may not see him ever again, tell them how important he was to you. I know this has to suck, but you can deal.

-TheTeenGirl

bio

My name is Erin and I am now 18 years old. You may realize through out looking at my column, some of you love me and some of you flat out hate me. There's really no gray area with me I guess you can say.

I haven't given advice here in so long and it's only because I got caught up in life. But I'm more mature than I ever thought I could be.
So anyway I'm here again. It's been a long time, but I still love giving advice and still plan on it in the future.

Everyone should feel free to Private Message me for advice, I can be harsh, but I'm always trying to help someone by giving them the truth they need.

About My Ratings:
I enjoy ratings. And if I ask a question on here, I always rate the person. If you work hard to give advice, you deserve to be rated.