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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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My little sister is 10. I’m 15 (and a girl too). Both of us have really gotten into the original Full House series after watching Fuller House on Netflix. Recently we watched that one episode where DJ and Stephanie accidentally get handcuffed together and stuck that way because they don’t have the key.

Our mom was watching the episode with us and after it was over she told us about how her mom actually handcuffed her and her sister together once when they were kids to get them to stop fighting. We both got a laugh out of that. My little sister then said she wants to know what it’d be like to be stuck together like that. She said we ought to get a pair of handcuffs and spend a day cuffed together.

I admit I’m curious as to what it’d be like too. So here’s what we’re thinking of doing. Once we have a set of handcuffs, we’ll wait for a weekend to roll around. Then, we’ll lock ourselves together and stay that way for 24 hours. Our mom has already agreed to hold the key for us to make sure we don’t lose it and also to keep it from us until the 24 hrs are up. I think we’ve worked out how to handle the bathroom situation, LOL! So that won’t be an issue.

Maybe we’re both nuts, but I’m seriously thinking of doing this. Who knows? Maybe it’ll bring us both closer (literally and figuratively)! :)

Is there any reason why we shouldn't do this? Or should we go for it?

In your case, it's been well thought out so it shouldn't be a problem. I heard of a family whose agreed to have a girlfriend camp with them and their daugther. They were at their cabin where little brother found his old handcuffs. He said he had a key so the two girls handcuffed themselves together but when he searched where he kept the key, it wasn't there and the parents said they knew where it was at home. They were too far away to go home so the two girls spent the entire camping trip handcuffed together. Since no such thing can happen to you, go for it. I wouldn't count on it though as a sure way to stop fighting if that is your concern.
IN puberty and teens, the hormones in teens and pre teens can make them more irritable with others. I was like this, all my girls were like this, all my female friends were like this. And such a female will tend to pick on and fight with the females closest to them, like friends, mom and female siblings. Understanding when you need your space, able to ask for it and others understanding to give you some space are the best things to help in this case. It worked for my 3 girls.

Hi there! My question is more so for people who hire teachers, but any advice is appreciated! This is my second year teaching full-time. Before this, I worked in a tutoring center and I taught ESL part-time. But, I've had two years of experience as a classroom teacher. Both of these, however, have been at different schools.

I left the first school because I was promised a raise and it was not granted to me. Normally, I don't make decisions based off of finances only, but my salary was less than $30,000 and I live in a city where the cost of living is relatively high. I am now at a school that I like everything is great. I really enjoy my job. But, I want to leave the city because it is much much too expensive for me. At my previous jobs, the tutoring center and ESL job, I was there for 2 years at each. But, I was only one year at each of these schools full time.

I'm wondering if this would be an issue if I move. Would my employment history not look good because I was only at these schools for one year? On the other hand, however, moving is a pretty understandable reason for not being able to stay in your previous place of employment. Also, I would have glowing reviews from that leadership.

Any help and wisdom from experience is appreciated!

I recently gave you my thoughts on the Mom living off of you. Is this the main reason you want to leave, leaving her behind? You don't have to make a drastic move if that is the case. You once talked of interest in California. My guess is that you are trying to find a place to plant yourself, where the cost of living isn't outrageously higher than the basic earning scale and an area you like for what ever reason. As for being a short term at both teaching jobs, it could very well be due to down sizing you out and having to find another place so that shouldn't be a red flag, not unless you have lets say 5 different past jobs all lasting 6 mos or so. Then that is an obvious red flag to an employer.

As for what states or cities to start looking for a job in, Lets say that you know you would miss ocean if living somewhere landlocked or without any major water source near by like a large lake or one of the coasts. I stayed a few months with my sister in AZ and although I didn't mind the weather, I found I missed being able to see water. Even something like this should be taken into account. So make a list of what is important to you. Maybe you would rather live small town style but be near a major highway so it is not far to big shopping areas or to go for entertainment. If living by coastal water is one, then you would do a search on line for states that are anywhere along the coast whether west, east or the south and find a list of states where the cost of living vs the median income is not a huge gap. Years ago, my husband was thinking of looking to see if there was anyplace better than where we were with the amenities we did not want to give up. The state we're in is not a problem, however for retirement, we will likely move out of big city and go to a more quiet smaller town but not searching yet. So this information is out there on the internet. I haven't done a search recently so I can't tell you where to look, just put in a search for states with lower cost of living vs higher median income. Of those, you then choose states by ocean water if that's what you want. If climate is important to you, look at the for the list of states narrowed down by the first criteria. I think the list I saw also had data for the general age group for towns and cities because some towns got more elderly retiring there and if you are a nurse or caregiver, you'd want to live near a great source of jobs simply by general population age. Since you've taught ESL, you could search of places where the concentration of people from another country is higher. There are areas in my state where there is a higher concentration of Hispanics, Asians, and a town where mostly people of Slavic countries have settled. So you then look to see if there are any job for ESL in that area. Once you have narrowed down to a couple places, you might want to make a trip to the area to see if you really do like it before making the job search and doing the major move.

I've already cured my emotional eating (today) by using The Broccoli Test (TBT). It's helped me immensely in being aware that most of my hunger is emotional and not physical. Since I've learned this trick, I haven't binged since this morning, which might not seem like much, but it truly, truly is!

I'm acutely depressed, so working out my body to get it in the shape I desire it is rather difficult. All because I get discouraged often. I don't know how to deal with that.

I guess my questions are:

"How do I deal with being discouraged?"
"What's the best way to intermittent fast?"
"What workouts are best to gain a booty, gain hips, etc?"

I do have a life partner, but I'm mainly doing this for ME so I'll feel better about ME.

I do put flax seeds in my almost every meal now, even before I learned the TBT, so I have lost a little belly fat.

But I need to lose fat all over.

You can only work with the frame you have for a body. So if big boned and you want slender, you'll never look that way but have the hour glass shape when finally fit. SO don't set a goal for a look you can't achieve. As to changing ones butt, you can only firm up the muscles there but you can't change the shape to be rounder and fuller or what. For that look, check out online padded panties with inserts to make you butt look the way you want. Hips depend again on bone structure, so you can only lose weight there and once down to a normal amount of padding on the hips, you can't change that shape either. So although there are exercises to tighten the butt muscles, you can do a search on line or you tube to see what it looks like, I can't recommend shape changing exercises as that is impossible.

As for the depression, that should be dealt with first and then see if you feel the same way about needing to change your looks. I have found that men find self confidence in average looking women more appealing than no self confidence in model types. I do have a suggestion for the depression. I do hope you are seeing a doctor for that. If not, you need to see one. If the one you are seeing with many changes in medicines hasn't helped, it may have more to do with changing your thoughts than with medicine. I have discovered from having people close to me with depression, that only some have clinical depression which means no matter what they do, the levels of the feel good hormones in the brain are always low as the brain is incapable of producing these on its own. For others with depression, it can be situations in life, family, work, stress you can't escape that adds up to drain away or use up all a persons feel good hormones. The word depressed means not normal levels, so when applied to the subject of feel good hormones you have run out. As you know, when low on calcium, minerals or certain vitamins, physical problems can occur in the human body that require taking a supplement of what is missing. You weren't born missing these but due to life style or changes in diet, they can run low or run out, same as the feel good hormones if your body has no trouble creating its own. SO for these cases, a supplement is also needed, but it is not oral. I can give you a list of these things, simple, but they can give immediate results. When stressed, I don't wait until I feel depressed, I put these tactics to work and can feel immediately good as my brain starts creating more feel good hormones. I happen to know my brain is capable of creating this. Long hugs with someone other than the few seconds most do it, will cause these hormones to start being released. Other things, are simple things like dancing or other movement, like walking, riding a bike or whatever movement makes you feel an immediate mood change. For me, it is skipping like a child, even though I am almost 60. Last time I did this, I begin laughing and giggling as I did it, imagining how funny I must look but I felt better. Laughter is good to raise the levels too so watch some side spitting comedy movies, ones where the humor is your particular favorite humor. And lastly, music. It has to do with the melody more than the words. Think of any song or songs that when you listen to it, the melody makes your heart feel as light as a balloon, like its floating up in your chest. The melody that does it for me is Clocks by Coldplay. I can't say why, I just know that the sound of that song makes me feel so good, I'll put it on repeat when I knew to hear it and play it 3 times straight and feel lots better. I tend to do all these things regularly to keep my levels normal because after all, we all live in a very stressful world these days, more so than it was for our grandparents or ancestors before them.

Lastly, if your Dr. has never tried CBT, cognitive behavorial therapy to try to help with your depression, you may want to change Doctors to one with training in this. Some mental health doctors still don't believe in it. But one Doctor who was the forerunner of changing his mind when his patients got result and got better, trains other doctors and now writes books for the average person to be encouraged and know there is something that works. I hate to think of you with severe depression if it can be improved or totally disappear. The reality about depression is that the greater percentage of all people with it, no matter how bad, did not have clinical depression and simply had enough stress in life to use up all stored feel good hormones. Only a small percent actually need to take medications for life. That would mean that 75% if conservative or more of people can respond and get better if they are treated with a teaching method called CBT. I will post the website of Dr David D. Burns
https://feelinggood.com/
Please look it over and see if you can find the comments section from people. I have read it and was amazed to hear of people like a woman who was now old and had suffered severe depression her whole life, only to come across these non medicinal methods to find her depression totally gone. At the very least, people who had to take medicine still found improvement if they working on any distorted thinking. I feel it is worth a try. Then once you are more stable as far as depression goes, then you'll be ready to work on self esteem and being discouraged. I know people for whom this has worked. In the process you may find you no longer have a problem with feeling discouraged. I know just in the temporary situational caused depression I have faced in the past, I too felt discouraged and lacked enthusiasm to do anything, feeling beat before I tried.

Is that an insult?

Yes, it's an insult, usually not said to the person in questions face but mentioned to others behind their back. I have not heard of anyone saying to a persons face, "I'm looking into your eyes but I can see that no body is home". That would be just asking for a fight if you pick on the wrong person.

In some cases, I have found it to be true, that the person my hubby and I spoke to each other of when asking each others opinion of a new person we met. The body is alive, yes . . . but when it comes to their mind being in gear, it is not, the person has a vacant look, it used to be called 'spacey' spaced out, a space-cadet, they can't answer intelligently or are not intelligible meaning they aren't making sense so they can be understood. It is best not to use such as phrase because it could be the look of someone on drugs, or a mental patient and that would then be very rude.
I do know of a different version used, only when a person is daydreaming or internally visually something else but not really in the present when a friend comes along, see's you staring into the distance, waves a hand in front of you and says, "Hello, is anybody home?" This then is a friendly tease of the fact they caught you day dreaming and is not meant as an insult.

Some people lose diamonds in search of stones... what does that mean?

To understand this better, you need to know what diamonds in the rough look like. They can look like beach glass or agates or the clear to yellowish pebbles you find like at a beach mixed in with other rocks.Here is a photo of what I am talking about.

http://www.theroadtofaith.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/rough-diamond.jpg

We all know that a diamond is more precious to man than all the regular pebbles, gravel and stones out there. SO if a diamond can look like an ordinary rock we can easily overlook it.
This refers to people being like rough diamonds. You can be so busy searching for stones, or 'those things in life that you want that you fail to recognize that one person in your life is more precious than all the stones you could ever find. It could relate also to dating and having a close friend who is in love with you but you don't know and you date one after the other in search of the best match for you when the best one is right under your nose and you just don't recognize it. Then when the friend decides to move one, that is how you 'lose the diamond' while busy searching for stones, ordinary guys who will never be as perfect for you as the one you just lost.

I have had burning a little on and off, feelings of having urinate a lot, tested for UTI it came back normal. I had sex with someone different for about the last 2-3 months. I have felt fine, but I'm worried about STD's. I was at my OBGYN, He said all looked good, but would he have a feeling if I had an STD? I'm so worried and feel so scared to get tested, help?

Honey, that sounds like a UTI, urinary tract infection. Despite what the Doctor said, your may have just been in the early stages and may not have shown on a test. I'd have the test for a UTI done again. There are several common ways one starts, one being not drinking enough liquids, having the runs and some of the bacteria of liquids from the anus spraying or dribbling onto the labia and then entering the urinary tract. That one has happened often to me but no longer, I'll explain soon.

However the last common way to get a UTI is from sex. This is why after sex, a woman should pee to force out any germs that may have entered her urinary tract just from having sex. I doubt it
s the fact of a new partner. This can happen even with ones long time partner or husband. You didn't say the Doctor tested for STI's and that would be a wise thing especially since you have a new partner. However the part about the urge to pee often, whether there is any pee or not, is the most common symptom of a UTI.

I don't know how far its gone but the doctor can give you an antibiotic for the UTI. The last time I got meds for a UTI, the remains of the medicine comes out with your poop and from talking to other women, I've discovered they all get the same secondary problem, unless you wash your bottom with a washcloth after every poop while taking the medicine and for days after done, residue from simply wiping with TP, can start a yeast infection, maybe not in the vagina but definately on the skin and maybe labia. And that was more tender and painful than the UTI. So what I do now is take Cranberry capsules. There are many brands and even the cheap ones work. Each company formulates differently so after you are clear of this UTI with meds from the Dr, you might want to take cranberry supplements daily to prevent getting a UTI in the future as well as peeing after sex. Cranberry juice works the same but there is only so much juice one can take and then there is the sugar from the juice which isn't for everybody. See the Dr since and tell him your symptoms and that you have a new partner too and want to get tested for the UTI as well as STI's. Herpes is not tested for in STI tests as it is so common now among the public that the cost of doing it isn't seen as necessary. I learned that from calling several other clinics, when my Dr. told me that as I couldn't believe it. With herpes though, you'd have something like a water blister that breaks and the area is raw and sore and hurts like the dickens. They can prescribe a medicine to help it heal faster but you didn't mention anything like this however, a person can have herpes but not have an outbreak for years. At this point, all my sisters and I have it. That's how common it is. If your Dr says a 2nd time that you are okay. Go get seen by a different office because you definitely have symptoms of something. Or perhaps you have both a UTI and a yeast infection causing the burning and itching. If it is yeast infection with the common symptom of burning and itching whether the labia, in the vagina or anywhere on your bottom to the anus area, there is an over the counter medicine for this that works well. It is called Miconazole but may go by other names although that is the only one I've ever seen. It will cure the burning and itching if it is yeast. As an on the side, if vaginal yeast, then be sure to no longer use douches or allow any soap to get up in there. Bubble baths therefore are a no no. What happens is that area is like a fragile ecosystem where the balance of good bacteria and yeast can be disturbed by the things I mentioned. If a douche washes away all your good bacteria, then it allows for the natural yeast there to have a gigantic population explosion and that causes the yeast infection. I think I have covered everything you need to know. But lastly, it is important to get used to what is a normal odor from your bottom and what is not. It is not a good idea to try to wipe out your natural musk scent. Companies are just trying to sell products that are not needed and have women believing they need to smell like a rose garden down there with even personal deodorant sprays just for your vagina. I wouldn't put anything down there except tampons and a penis. Nothing else should go in unless you are treating a yeast infection.

First off, I want to thank anyone reading this and I apologize for any grammar mistakes. I used to work with this guy that I liked and we used to sit with each other everyday. I had a huge crush on him and he wanted to sit by me. We had a lot fun together- we flirted and got to know each other a little. For instance, our interests. At the time he was dating a girl and I was pretty bummed. A friend of mine noticed us and said why don't you just date each other? My guy friend didn't seem to be too happy to answer but he said he has a gf (at the time). My friend noticed this and said you don't seem to be too happy. Anyways this was in my younger 20's (24) when I met him. We sat with each other almost everyday at work and sometimes we hung out with mutual friends. A part of me knew, he knew I liked him. We exchanged numbers and fb pages. We messaged each other...
5 years later, I saw him online talking to a mutual friend and I wanted to reconnect. But, then I realized he needs his space with his current gf. We texted each other currently for a little while and he and I was pretty responsive, but we waited a little bit just to give each other space. I was not pushy and we talked off and on. We were getting to know each other and he would ask me questions about myself and I would do the same. Finally,I answered his last question about what I was going to school for and he hasn't replied for almost 6 days (including today). I'm worried I either said too much or it was the sake for his gf. I respect his space, but it might look as if I am trying to be a homewrecker lol. I understand I have to respect him and his gf.
I do like him and it sucks. But, I can't force someone to reply or have a friendship with me. I am just really confused because I guess the past was me thinking we had a connection. And we could very well have but he had someone and now HE HAS someone.
Do you think he is ignoring me or just has a lot on his plate? I would not want him to feel uncomfortable- since maybe with me talking to him isn't fair with his current relationship. But, he and I were texting not everyday but somedays where I wanted to give him space...but still wanted to talk to him..
I am not sure what to do since I felt like there was a connection, but, maybe there really wasn't? In the past, he did a lot of stuff to make me think he did like me. Now, time has gone by and now I feel like I just keep repeating the past and it happens with a lot of guys. It hurts. I guess maybe he is emotional unavailable and so am I. Maybe I was just a friendly distraction? But I did feel at least a friendship... now I just.. need to give up? Advice-help..?

If he is indeed with the same girl as when you knew him at work, then he's been dating a long time. It doesn't take this long to figure out if the person youre with is the one you want to marry. So my guess is that he does not wish to marry, just wants to date for social reasons with sex on the side. YOu have to ask yourself, is this what you want, a guy who never wants to marry or maybe he just hasn't reach an age where he feels he wants to marry. Some guys marry already in their early tweentes. Perhaps he wants to wait til he's around 35. How much of your life do you want to see go by, longing for someone that may not even want some of the same basic things as you? Even then, he may never want to leave the girlfriend.
What you need to realize is that it doesnt take more than the time he had with you to figurew out if he liked you better than his girlfriend. He's asked qusetions about you. Not that you give the wrong answers, but he simply may not be right for you and he may sense that. In all this time, he has never said to you that he likes you and would date you if his girlfriend ever left him. I don't think the girlfriend is a problem because in 5 years, you've never heard that you can't keep in touch any more due to her being jealous of just a friend. Either she doesn't know and he's trying to keep it that way, or she is getting curious now, or she has always known and doesn't care. Either way, I don't think worrying about him not answering by now is going to do you any good. He may still be with her in another 5 years from now, unmarried, just dating. Some guys never say anything and their girlfreinds don't ask but the girls assume since he has been dating long term that he's gonna pop the question and get engaged and marry her. I have heard too many times from girls wanting to know what to do when after 5-8 years of dating, or more, that they discover that he never wants to marry and they've been waiting and hoping and now they're really pissed. YOu may not be his girlfriend but you are doing a waiting game like those who have written to me. If a guy is interested in a girl for a relationship, whether he is currently with someone and it is just so-so or whether he is single, that man will move heaven and earth to be with you. This guy is not doing that, do I am pretty sure he isn't interested in you in a romantic way. I think its time to move on with your life. Often the guys we really admire, come across our path only for us to learn something from them, the qualities we do like in a male and the qualities we don't like. If you want a husband and children some day, then some one like him who may take too much time to marry while the gal is soon too old to have kids, that kind of guy milght not be good for you Decide what things you likje in him and look for it in others guys.

Can I get pregnant if my boyfriend cums in my ass

No. There is no internal connection between the anus and the vagina. If there were, we'd be pooping out our vagina and have constant raging vaginal infections, maybe fever, etc.

The only thing you have to worry about is the distance from the anus to the vagina because any fluid of his cum leaking back out and running along your skin to your vagina has a very slight chance of ending up in pregnancy. However its very unlikely because sperm doesn't live long outside of the body. It is more likely that bacteria from your anus mixed with his cum reaches your vagina and eventually you have a terrible vaginal infection. this is also the same reason females are taught to wipe front to back, not back to front.

So I have been friends with this person for a while, and hadn’t liked them. And I haven’t liked anyone ever for that matter. But I found out that they liked me a little while back, and now I like them now, but I don’t know if they still like me. I also think that if she rejects me It will be awkward around us, and she is my best friend. Just please tell me what to do.

The liking you a while back may have been as a friend, not romantically. The only difference between a friend and a romantic partner you date, is being sexually attracted to the person and having good sexual energy together.
So the best way to not upset the friendship is to ask a question, not as if you are already in love and sexually attracted to, but passing the idea by as a what if question.

"You and I have been good friends for some time now. It makes me wonder how we might do together as more than friends. What do you think?"

Asking what they think is important and they are more likely to tell the truth than if you said you love them and they don't feel the same way.

Now if instead of answering, they ask why you ask, then you can say, "oh I read somewhere that the only difference between a friend and dating partner is both being romantically and sexually attracted so I just wondered. If asked point blank if you love them, best not to tell the truth in case they don't feel the same and the awkwardness of the situation causes them to leave you. This means you'd have to pretend to enjoy just friendship even though you may feel more. If they say sure lets try it, then after a while, you can reveal that you are falling in love with them, because they were open to trying. Good luck.

To make a long story short, I've been working at a strip club as a waitress for going on 9 months soon. At first I had also been working a second job as a medical claims associate, but two jobs and college proved to be too difficult and I was making way more at the strip club and able to take time off from there as needed for classes so I left my medical job.

My question is, should I put my waitressing job on my resume to show that I am currently working and that I haven't been unemployed or is it too unprofessional?

If you are going for something like another waitressing job, then the experience is relevant, regardless of where the job was at and shows you have experience. Otherwise it comes to the point of whether you are more likely to be overlooked for a job because you seem to be unemployed, versus people having negative reactions to you working at a strip club. Quite a few people already have negative feelings about strip clubs so it won't matter that you were just a waitress because your choosing to work at such a location may be bad enough and they will dismiss you for the position you are going for.
For any job other than a waitressing job, leave it off. In the interview, if asked directly if you have been unemployed, just answer no. If they ask then where you are working and why it isn't on the resume, calmly answer truthfully. They are picking up clues about you from how you handle yourself and waitressing there is nothing to be embarrassed about so don't act edgy or guilty. If you come across as professional in your behavior and confidence is pouring off of you, that should count more. So as to how to answer, I'd say "The reason I did not put down the place of my current employment is in case anyone might react negatively to the location of my job and not call me in for an interview but I have no problem sharing that information. (This should be important, about not wanting to get shot down before you can interview, and also stating you have no problem telling them. This sends the msseage you are not embarrassed or hiding anything due to shame, and it is what a confident person would say.) Then make sure to say first you've been waitressing, while going to school and got the job at . . . which helped to pay your way in school. Make sure you mention how long you've been there as attendance record and length of time on a job show how trustworthy you are to show up every day.

What does this quote mean? “When you are set out to achieve your desired goal(s) in life, never permit people to project their fears on you.”

When you are set out = when you have completed plans

to achieve your desired goals in life = to go after and attain the things you want in life

Never permit people = don't allow people or more to the point, don't listen to people

to project their fears on you = to transfer their fears, naysaying, putting down of your ideas, putting doubts in your mind, having nothing positive to say, not encouraging you but only having negative pessimistic things to say about the goals you want to achieve.

I'm 27 and my mom is 60. growing up, we lived with my grandparents. My mom didn't pay for anything and lived under their roof for free. Two years ago, I moved into my own house. She begged me to let her move in and I did. Now, I'm really ready to fly. Like, I'm ready to move forward with my life and leave town. I don't even think I can stay another year here for many, many reasons.

The thing is, she wants to retire. But, she will not make enough in her retirement to live on her own. She was out of work for 25 years. Although she was married to my dad for 8 years, this did not qualify her to get anything from his retirement. She is pressuring me into buying her a granny-pod (which is basically like a tiny house), so that she can live in my backyard, wherever I go. I'm feeling very overwhelmed because I pay all of the bills. She does not really contribute financially and all she does is complain about not having enough money. However, she spends a lot and money on unnecessary things. Although she claimed she could always rely on my dad's retirement, she did nothing to look into this and imagined that the money would just appear.

I want to help her, but at the same time, I don't have the means to do it. Additionally, I don't know how my future spouse would feel about my mom living the backyard. I think she needs to be independent and do things for herself. I'm also worried about her taking advantage of certain financial situations. Her aunt gave her a credit card (which I don't even know why) and she has spent nearly $13,000. The credit card was under my aunt's name, so now my aunt is paying the consequences. She has already taken out credit cards in my name (when I was like 18). She has a spending problem. That is obvious. But, I would like to find a way to help her while still protecting myself.

As long as she is going to be financially dependant on you for a place to live, food to eat and money to spend like she's married to a banker, then you will continue to suffer. From what it sounds like, your Mom has a disorder. Some people try to fill that hole inside, what ever it is that is missing in their life and it often will be some kind of addictive habit they turn to, like gambling, drinking, drugs and thought it may not sound as bad as the others, buying to get that temporary rush of happiness that is gone the nect day. In caretaking, hubby helped a wooman who passed earlier this year and the brother out of state was already dealing with selling stuff and clearing the estate of someone else who died and asked my husband and I to do all the clearing of things in her apartment, take them, sell them, whatever. When she was alive,I recall her going to stores often and just buying things because it would make her ahppy. She was a pack rat. There were 5 storay closets in her apartment including the one of balcong, stuffed plus an additiona storae room on another floor she's paid for and that was worth 3 closets. Your Mom may not be that extreme yet but people like that dont think they have a problem but they do. Spending is their vice of choice rather than the others I mentioned. It will never get better if you let her live in your backyard. She never really grew up and handled things that an adult has to do, so she lets her own Mom take care of her as an adult, after I assume Dad divorced or died. Either way, psychologically, she was in capable of being an adult back then, and continued all the years you were growing up. She's had plenty time to get counseling and become more productive, find work and look into and make plans for her future.Taking out credit cards in your name is a crime and should have been reported to police every time it happened so you don't end up having collection agencys come after you and banks rate you as a risk so you can't get a loan to buy a home in the first place. I guess you will have to be the adult as far as checking into some things for her, like talking to DSHS Dept of Social and Health services and see what a social worker can tell you about what she might qualify for in help like getting her on a waiting list now for low income housing. In the mean while, if she has any real disabilities she can possibly qualify for SSI and not have to wait for Soc Security. Since she basically didn't work much, she would be getting very little as you said, so either some Govt.agencies can step in and continue to baby her as she is accustomed to or she may have to live out of a vehicle as many without a job do or no work due to accident recovery that made them homeless. She can qualify for food stamps. I guess you must be the only child and theres no one else to carry the burdon. I know I may sound harsh, but if I Had a parent who used my name, ran up cards and ruined my credit, I would tell that parent they are on their own and should be glad they are not in jail for their crime. If anyone else other than your Mom did that, they'd get reported and have to go to court. Your Mom ran up cards she couldnt pay and you end up paying for the cards she falsely took out in your name, in this, you actually sent a message to Moms brain that it was okay to take advantage of you this way. She has a sickness so the best thing you can do is again work with DSHS to see if there is a Psychologist they could set her up with. You can't continue to take care of her. Everyone has done the wrong thing all along and done everything for her so she never had a chance to face the hard facts that she needed professional help and to grow up. It probably started with your Dad and I'm gonna take a wild guess he got tired of it quick and stopped and when he did, he saw she wasn't going to do a thing so he knew that would drag him down so he divorced her. Then your grandma, feeling a bit sorry for her since MOm was now divorced and had you, felt she needed to help when your MOm begged and pressured her. Now grandma is gone and Mom having been 'enabled' to not grow up all her life has continued it with you. If your Mom found a fountain of youth that allowed her to live a couple hundred more years, then one of your children, grandchildren, and many greats grandchildren into the future who decide to enable her, will be stuck will supporting her. I hope you see, that it has to stop somewhere. SO you have to think of this as helping her by no longer enabling her to remain stuck where she's been all her life and leaving it to the professionals and agencies to help her out. SINCE she was a non worker most her life, I can't say what she will qualify for in help but even though she is Mom, you don't owe her the act of supporting her just because she gave birth to you. At some point, our children go on to make lives of their own and raise children, not take on Mom as another child. Its another story if she were disabled or if she was sick or dying and taking care of her in that scenerio. Even then, all states have their own rules as to what there is to help people unable to help themselves. In the end, it might be best if a doctor can certify her mentally disabled in some way so she can qualify for a social worker to take care of setting up, looking after and taking care of her needs. I used to do caregiving and had a couple mentall ill people, adults I went to help shop for groceries, clean house and handle whatever. None of them had a parent to take care of them, never were a burdon on any family member but were set up to live on their own with help from government agencies. Your mother made bad choices. You shouldn't have to pay for someone elses bad choices. We all make a bad choice or two in our lifetime and have to live with the consequendes. Your Mom never learned about consequences. A certain action or decision will always have a natural consequence, that is part of adult thinking. If she is incapable of this, then I am serious, that there could be a mental disorder that wasn't obvious enough to be caught when she was much younger. My ex is an example of that. He was 50 before a new friend who used to be a counselor saw that he had issues and wasn't acting like a normal adult and told him to get mental help. He pretended and stopped going because he still didn't think he had anything wrong. Thats when I decided to leave as it wasn't getting better but worse as he got older and without a mental health specialist and medication to be a more productive and nice person, it wasn't going to happen. I gave up on a 30 year marriage because how he treated me was messing with my physical health and the stress of that would kill me sooner than later. My health was seriously getting bad being with him. Things improved after I left. Your situation is stressful too. You may not last under the stess as long as I did. I think the level of stress you're under can begin either messing with your mind and cause psychological problems or go into the body and cause physical provblems in the near future. I think about 10 years average of daily stress of worry, concern and taking care of another adult is going to finally show up in your mind or body and longer than that, the stress can kill you, in one way or another medially. So without trying to sound over-dramatic, truly I know how such a thing can effect you when I compare the stress of being mentally and emotionally abused for 30 years. You could have your life get short, never marry, or get divorced once hubby's tired of supporting your Mom, or become financially ruined, or maybe even end up homeless at the worst. What other kids have to support their parents? What parents are so messed up that they have no qualms forcing a child to take care of them, playing the guilt card. The only reason you feel stuck is because she is Mom. If anyone else not related to you was doing the exact same things, I know you wouldn't stand for it. If you can't get her into counseling, do get counseling for yourself. I did that after my divorce to get my head straight again. I think a counselor will be able to help you see your situation from a different viewpoint and that may help you to start using tough love with Mom, where you call the shots and get her in touch with dept of social and health services for your state so they can see what they can do for her. I don't know of many with a mentally ill parent who support them, they end up in an adult care home and are supported by the state. If she doesnt qualify as mentally ill, then a social worker will have to make other suggestions as to what your Mom can do or apply for but she has to do it herself, you only get her set up with an appointment or two with DSHS, but the rest she has to do and learn to jump through the same hoops any adult has to, and not have anyone step in and do it for her. If you can't stay away from helping her, and leave her to fend for herself, she'll never have the environment in which she is pressured to actually check into things, work or whatever. And that means you'd be taking care of her til the day she dies. Again, not trying to sound extreme, this is just the real reality. I hope you find this helpful. I am only being honest here.

I'm a 16 year old female. Two years ago, I started crushing hard on a friend of mine. About a year ago, I confessed to him, but was rejected. He was super sweet about it though. Really understanding, and we're still friends. But, even though its been a while since the rejection, I still love him. I tried avoiding him for a while, but I still thought about him. I tried dating someone else, but I couldn't bring myself to love them as much as I do him. I know this little crush has crossed the point from innocent to obsessive, but I don't know what to do about it.

When it comes to attraction, it isn't always mutual. You can not assume that just because you feel something for a guy, that it means the reason you feel something is because the two of you are a destined match and so he will have as great attraction for you as you have for him. Sometimes its the other way around with the guy wanting a girl but she isn't attracted to him. This happened lots to me after a divorce when I was dating again. I simply told them that I did not feel any chemistry with them. And that is something men seemed to understand well, that word 'chemistry'.

I know you don't want something like this to affect your life to the point you can't move on and thus miss out on other opportunities.
Its' actually a quite simple fix dear. But It is going to take your full attention to deal with it for the first couple days. I did this to get over a man I thought would be in my life after he got a separation but he went back to his wife, only to leave her 3 years later for good after I'd already met and married someone. The man I have now is far better than the one I lost.

But at the time, here is what I did to get over loving him and thinking about him. Love is an emotion, right? Just like sadness or anger, etc. Emotions are linked with our subconscious mind and to prove that, think of a movie that got you angry or so sad you cried. YOur logical mind knew it was actors and a script, but your subconscious mind got so involved in what it was witnessing, it reacted simply to what was happening. The subconscious mind is almost like having to deal with another person inside of you. It reasoning can be childlike or faulty because it wants to make you happy and knows you felt happiest when you felt all these love feelings for someone so it keeps producing these for you and keeps it alive by continuously making you think about him. I found out that once I was looking consciously for each time my mind drifted to think about the man I lost, it happened way too often. I found these thoughts cropping up every couple of minutes the first day. That day was emotionally exhausting. Each time your mind starts thinking of him, thats your subcon. mind bringing it up so you have to retrain your mind to stop doing this because it is doing this like a bad habit. There are other things the subcon. mind regulates so your conscious mind doesn't have to focus on it, like taking your next breath and blinking your eyes, and sometimes the thought life and emotions become as routine to that mind as doing its designated by nature--chores in your body. So you need to stop everytime you think of him and speak to yourself but it will actually be saying this for the benefit of your subconscious, that you don't want to think of him anymore or feel love for him anymore because he doesn't feel the same way back. YOu tell your mind to stop it. Then a couple minutes later as it brings up the very same things again, repeat what you said. You can talk out loud when you have no audience, or talk to yourself inside your head, you know, like mental telepathy. Your subconscious will hear loud and clear. After the first day, it gets better but is still often during the day you have thoughts and feelings. But after you consistently repeat and don't skip because you're tired of it, eventually you find it has stopped. When you no longer have thoughts about him, you may still love him but that love can now fade in a way it no longer hurts anymore. I guarantee that someday when you have found someone who loves you as much as you love him, you will then see the difference. Any love you have for him will then only be friendship love without the romantic feelings mixed in. Thats the only real big difference between couple love and friend love. Good luck dear.

i took a random poll and asked men how long after dating a woman do you "expect" her to give you some? 98% said two weeks ...REALLY? that is so pathetic....are women really looked down upon as sex objects....men do wife those types of women, but do men really think after a few steaks and mcdonalds you're supposed to give him some...that is so sad, I think if women respected themselves and had some classes they wouldn't be looked at as sex objects and nutrags and men wont objective them...
aren't women worth more than being a sex toy...

I assume your random poll was of men around your age. I believe the answers may change some for males from teen years to senior citizen ages. The younger the male, with less life experience, they can tend to be all about the new sensation of experiencing sex. I watching a dating video on you tube years ago by two men who were friends and recalled for the audience how many women they did not value and treated badly and yes, like sex objects when they were younger. These men didn't wake up to appreciate women like Mr. Wesley so wonderfully explained. I agree with him and will share more along those lines. The men in the video regretted how many women they mistreated or brushed off. Now looking back, they realized those women were all like precious jewels and they lost their chance with them.
As also mentioned, it is sexual attraction that most people experience first. While the female is simply happy to be in the presence of a man she is sexually attracted to while basking in all the wonderful feelings fluttering around inside her because of him, a male who is in the presence of a sexually attractive female, will experience way more than just the same good feelings inside, a certain member of his body, without him having any control over what it does, will react to her presence and when it does that, which is what must happen for any couples who want to have sex, it is quite hard to not at least think of sex because his member is now hard and ready. Sorry to be so graphic but this is something many women never give a thought to. If I had a penis and it was reacting like that all the time, I'd be thinking of sex too. Now what you are experiencing or simply finding from talking to other men, a good amount of men do not exercise self control which is something that must happen if they really have found a woman they really like. However we live in a society that parades 'self indulgence' in front of us daily in media ads and so on. "wear this after shave and you'll be sexually irresistible to women" the ads seem to say when a beautiful woman in the ad practically drapes herself all over him. And there are ads like this for women too. So some of this is due to todays society.
In the end, as the others told you, it is really up to the woman as to when she is ready to have sex with a man. A gentleman will give her clues that he finds her beautiful and attractive and as told by Mr Wesley, put her on a pedestal with how wonderful he treats her. The issue is, there are not many gentlemen to be found today as in past generations. They still exist though. I found one for a second husband. I will quickly share my story. Like Wesley, the first time around, I did not have sex before marriage and we did not live together. My experiences that I will now share are my own but influenced how I feel about when to have sex with a man I meet. The first hubby was dysfunctional, verbally abusive and had some mental illness. None of this did I see before marrying him. After our kids were grown, I left him and got a divorce. Because of not having a clue about him and his sexual habits, I ended up sexually mismatched and vowed to not experience that in a marriage ever again. I can give some examples, I had high libido, he had low one, so he didn't need as often, was always saying no when I made advances as it had to be on his terms, he was uninventive and didn't like to try things other than the missionary position, no oral sex, no mutual masturbation or play with toys, and I never had an orgasm with him. His eyes never lit with desire for me. I found this all out AFTER marrying him. So the second time around, it was important to me to find my sexual equal, a man with a high libido but who left it to me to make the first move. I was no longer a young girl marrying a dream to have kids with. I was older and my kids grown, so my situation was different. Both my 2nd husband and I communicate well. We talked a week solid, every evening after work until midnight and learned so much about each other, before we met in person (found on internet dating site) So we both already loved each others minds, what we stood for and now it was a matter of meeting in person to see if we felt any chemistry and attraction. There are plenty of good looking guys that I have never felt attraction to. A photo is one thing, but theres a certain chemistry you can only feel in person. We met on his job break on a Monday for a short short bit but we could tell there was chemistry. We talked another week til the next weekend when he invited me over, he had a teen age daughter for me to meet. She liked me so I passed there. He had repaired a book I gave him that was falling apart. So when it was time to leave, I thanked him and waited but he was not going to kiss me goodbye, he was leaving even that up to me. So I had to kiss him. When He knew that was okay, he took that cue and would kiss from then on but not make any sexual advances. I had to do that too. So I think we saw each other every evening from that first meet at his place where the daughter approved of him. She was the one who insisted he date and find himself someone as she would soon be out of the home and him all alone. It was only 2 weeks after meeting in person that I initiated sex with him. So far he was a gentleman and from what he said, he sounded like what I was looking for and the same for me with what he was looking for. I did not want to date longer to find out like the last husband that we were sexually mismatched. I was not disappointed. He is a most attentive lover. I realized I had found my sexual match, and what was left that only more time spent with him would reveal, is whether we could also treat each other as best friends and to see if his words about himself were only words or whether he could prove it through his actions as Mr. Wesley said. So a month after meeting him, I was already in search for a cheaper apartment for myself, so it was an easy thing to agree to move in with him, another thing I never did the first time. There are things you can learn living with a person that are too easy to hide if they just come pick you up for dates or you visit when they are expecting you and have cleaned the place for a guest. I am just trying to say that there are as many different situations due to experience growing up or in a previous marriage where a female may not choose to wait the same amount of time that another female does. My story shows that. Its nine years of marriage later and this man of mine still has eyes lighting up with desire when he looks at me. A woman at a volunteer thing we do every Tues. noticed him staring at me often, knows we're married and said something, "You're staring at your wife," "Yes, I love looking at her." he says. She nodded and said simply, "That is a good thing, that you do that." She saw his desire for me in his eyes. Nt many people would catch that but she did. This is how it should be for couples but rarely is. Decide what it is you want and if a guy is interested enough to ask you out a second time, then lay down a list of what your boundaries and rules are. I never left this up for a guy to guess on. They knew I was looking for my best friend and sexual equal and never thought it odd that I spelled it all out right in the beginning as I did with my now husband. I also found that men respond well to a self confidence in a female, are actually very attracted to it. And what they interpret as self confidence is a female who is not afraid to spell out what she wants and doesn't want and who is not afraid to ask for it and doesn't apologize for it. Yes, I met plenty of men who only wanted a female for social dating and sex but nothing in the future. I let them know I was okay dating for a while but I would be happiest finding a man to marry. All I wanted was the truth from them. Of course, these were men in their forties and fifties, but all respected my wishes. If they could not meet my criteria quite a few got upset and said I was unreasonable and they never made it past the first meet up. The lady calls the shot as the others told you. So make sure to work on your self confidence and not afraid to spell out what you want and don't want right at the start. If a guy doesn't like that, then good, let him walk away because you would not have been happy with him. Only the ones agreeable to what your boundaries and rules are, are the ones worth investigating further.

I have a crush on two people, I don't know who to choose...

The idea already given you about making a list is the right thing to do. However I have more detailed instructions on how. The following info works as well for just starting dating, later dating and when ready to pick a life long mate because this is going to be a long process of learning over many guys you meet and/or date. Someone told me about the list after a divorce and it helped me find the right guy this time. I know this may sound a bit too serious and over the top for just deciding what crush to choose. However, the learning process does start when you start having interest in males or females whichever applies.

First, how well do you know yourself? I used a dating site 2nd time around. It worked for me to find my true love. However, to fill out a profile for yourself, or to really describe yourself in a convo in person, your personality and who you are at core, is hard to do, like writing about your work strengths in a resume. So this is just as important as a resume only more so. You can easily leave a job that doesn't work out. Its much harder with a boyfriend or husband. So its best to be able to describe yourself well for those few you meet who may be promising. This is not just those met online but any you meet in person as you're out and about. They will have something specific they are looking for as well and need to be able to recognize the possibility that you may be the one for them. At least, hopefully they will, if not, they may not recognize that you are the one for him and that is too bad for him. You want a guy who sees the real you inside too and will know he wants you, the whole package. You'll need this list or bio on yourself before you can form the list of what you are looking for in a guy.

So, ask yourself what it is in life that lights you up, makes you not just happy but content and feeling fulfilled. Ask yourself what is or are the passions deep inside that push you to seek out certain hobbies, pastimes, certain people with the same?

I'll give you an example. One of the things that make me passionate about certain things in life is that I am a nurturing person deep at core. This nurturing desire needs to be expressed and has been through several different avenues. For one, being a mother and raising my kids, now grandkids, loving planting and tending a garden, and yes, giving advice in an advice column. All of these things require a person driven by nurture, such as my wanting to be of help to you, to see you break free of whatever is holding you back in life or keeping you unhappy.

Once you have defined yourself with some really good descriptive words or scenerios, you will be drawing on this list to make a specific list of criteria of what is most important in a guy.
If you need help with the list of yourself, please just ask me and I will help.

Now, for the list of what you feel is Mr. Right for you.
Actually, there will be two lists. A list of Must Haves, things which if missing are a deal breaker because they are that important to you. Do not let any guy tell you that your criteria is extremely unreasonable. I got that often. It means the guy can't meet your criteria, can't meet your Must Haves and wants you to lower your standard for them and they don't give a crap about who you are and why these are your criteria. A deal breaker would be “I want a guy who wants to have kids” “I want a guy who isn't afraid to commit, settle down and marry” “I want a guy who is open minded spiritually and will allow me to believe whatever I do without trying to convert me to his belief” “I want a guy who never raises his voice to me and is able to calmly talk things out.” “I want a guy who isn't a smoker or recreational drug user”.
I for example am very allergic to cigarette smoke or the lingering odor of it. Guys who smoked met with me pretending at first that they didn't. Sitting across a table at a restaurant first time, I couldn't pick it up but when riding in their car on a later date it was heavy cigarette odor in there. He claimed he didn't smoke but later by habit pulled out a cigarette and felt it was okay to lie to me cus I might fall in love once I got to know him and the cigarette smoke wouldn' t matter. It mattered that strongly to me and pissed off a couple guys real badly but you have to stick with what you want. This helps to eliminate guys with major character faults, such as being inconsistent, liars, cheaters, etc....

Do not worry that this is extreme. In fact it has been found in tests done that men (the good ones worth having) are attracted to a woman who knows what she wants, a woman who will stick by it without making excuses or apologizing for it, not afraid to ask for or state what she wants. This attitude is basically having a strong self confidence and self confidence in a woman is what made these good men choose the confident woman over the model types in looks in a test case study.

The other list is the what you want, like the icing on the cake. It is not a need or requirement but would be nice. This list you don't share with the guy. Its for yourself in case you find several guys who meet all the critieria of your other list, to help you choose from among them.
So here is where you find things like, he likes to go dancing, he is a musician or sings well, he likes gardening, has interest in meditation, has long hair, has a 6 pack. I listed that I wanted a man who was height and weight proportionate. This means maybe there might be some chub but basically they will look reasonably okay without looking like a body builder. These things are not deal breakers to me, but if they are to you, then they're in the wrong list. This list is things you would like to see but if you don't get them, you can live without it, for the rest of your life.

I promise, these lists will help. You'll also refine it or think of things to add as you run across guys or problems that you didn't think needed to be in a list. Then if not using a dating site and posting these out there right in the beginning, at least on a 2nd date if a guy asks you out twice, (means he is reasonably interested in you) tell him you have something important you need to share with him. It's important to you. Then recite your list to him. If afraid you may leave something important off, have copies of your list in your purse to hand out to a guy. If he looks at you like this must be a joke or asks such, keep calm and smile nicely and let him know that you are very serious and have resorted to this measure because simply going out with just random guys in the past and into a relationship resulted in the wrong guy each time. It is okay to give examples if he asks. Make no excuses. If he gets upset or has a problem with any of your criteria, you could ask him why, but you can't rely at this early stage whether he may be telling the truth or not to get you to trust him and lower your standards. It is best to tell him you've decided to not consider him, as if he was an applicant for a job and his resume just isn't enough to get the position of 'boyfriend'. Think of yourself as your own human resources manager, looking for the perfect applicant for the available position of 'boyfriend.' Obviously, you will have to turn away many hopefuls. I even had some guys beg me to choose them by the end of a first time meet up. That killed it. Spoke volumes of them feeling insecure, wimpy as males, and having low self esteem, all of which I wished to avoid.
Hope this helps you. This is a lot said and yet there is so much more detail to share. So ask me if you have questions.

I recently started hanging out with a new group of friends. I know them all, because we all went to elementary school together. But they are all a lot closer to each other than I am, and i want to be closer to them. My other friends outside my group are acting a little distant and i don't know what to do.

The more time you spend with the new group, you will begin to feel more like you belong and are closer. Closeness requires times, no way around it.

Now the original group of friends know you are hanging out with a new group so I don't find it odd at all that they seem to be acting distant. Perhaps they aren't and it's only your conscience making you think they are. If they are truly distant, then perhaps they have no idea whats going on, that you intend to keep one foot in each group, the old and the new. If you haven't told them so, they won't know and when people don't know, they can jump to conclusions. Lets say I was a member of your old group. You don't hang out with us much any more and we never know whether to expect seeing you again and we know you are hanging out with a new group. I would begin to think that you got tired of us, maybe found us too boring and now want to hang with new people. You have given us up for new people and aren't interested in us anymore. It hurts me and the others to feel rejected like this so we begin to pretend like you aren't even a friend of ours, to help us get over the loss as we see it, not knowing any better. There's a rumor that you want to keep us still as friends. But we know that if you are spending time in both groups equally, even then we'd only get to see you half the time we used to. So at best, we'd only have you around as a friend Part time and guess what, that still doesn't make us feel any better.

What I wrote is based on how I thought when I was a teen. I am now a grandma, so it was a while back. I don't guess these days, so if I don't understand something, I go the the person involved and ask for details. So I am guessing that none of your old friends have tried to ask you if you plan on coming back to them. At that age, we all tend to live life like everything is either black or white, there is no grey, or to better explain, no combo, like a little of both. WHen young we forget that a person can have many different friend groups and believe we have to make a choice. This is pretty usual for teens. It isn't true but we tend to believe a lot of things regarding friends and relationships that are not true or greatly misunderstood. If you put yourself in the old friends shoes, you would be imagining what they feel like if you were them. YOu'd have questions and need reassurances. They won't be asking for it because it may not occur to ask first. SO as to what to do, approach them and be the first to bring this all up. Answer the questions they are not vocalizing. If you go to meet them, bring like a batch of cookies or some candy to share with all. Maybe write note cards to give one to each person with a personal note of what you like about her, a talent or characteristic you admire and how you value her as a friend. Sweet words and an offering of cookies as a gift are ways to show you love them and care, but some people don't recognize those ways of showing you really care.
Random acts of kindness is another way and lasting, the giving of your presence in quality time spent together. So it will be work to keep all friends happy but don't feel bad. One day you will find you have a group of HS friends, a totally different group of college friends and yet another of friends at work with an odd handful of people you met somehow other than one of those 3 places. And you will stay in touch and give all those groups whatever time you can, maybe not to the extent just one group was given your time unless a day somehow becoms longer than 24 hours.

Okay, I'm from Vietnam, and we have this housemaid, and it's impossible to fire her right now, but she can't seem to listen. She likes to do everything her own way, cleans only what the eye can see, does not listen when is told what to do, and is disgustingly lazy. She's about 50 y/o. Even when we say her salary will be cut down, she doesn't change at al! What must I do?

You didn't say why it is you can't get rid of her. That may help with an answer. Usually, if someone hires a maid, just like any company hiring a new employee, there has to be good reason to fire an employee. Reasons such as being lazy, not getting all the work done, not following directions and doing this all consistently, are legal reasons for a company to fire a person. Firing without reason can be debated in court as unfair and bias due to age, skin color, sex, sexual orientation, etc...

I had a run in with a head strong person myself and I was the care giver. She was elderly and contacted the agency to get help around the house due to being so elderly and frail. Frail my ass! That woman was strong enough to come physically push me aside if she did not like how I was doing something she asked me to do. I never did household chores like I did at home but always asked for directions and did things exactly as the clients wanted. I couldn't figure it out for a while but eventually, it came to me when she'd ask me to do something and then proceeded to show me how but never stopped to give it over to me. The demonstration went on and on. She was lonely but more so, she simply wanted an audience to witness what she could still do for herself. I told the agency I wouldn't go back. I want to go where I could help, not to be someones audience.
The point I am getting to is that if I did something, it was not good enough for her because she was from another generation and her way of doing things was so engrained, she thought that she was teaching a person in their forties, how to do things the way she was taught, that it was an absolute only way and that there were no other ways to do it, in fact, she was likely trained to do everything for herself, rather than to ask for help. She knew she had asked for help so she merely went through the motions of pretending she needed help when she had no intention of allowing me to help. Your 50 yr old maid may also be on ingrained in what she learned from childhood on, that she won't feel that any other way is going to be better or faster. She might be perfect for someone who doesn't care her methods, or lack of cleaning or being too slow, someone very ill and unable to do any of their housework or even cook for themselves with chores so far behind it is ridiculously crazy. Any little bit of work she did to clean and organize her own way would be appreciated and one less thing the ill person would have to worry about. If you hired her from a company, call them to ask for a different maid, and tell them she's not working out for you. YOu don't have to bad mouth her, because anywhere else she goes, she'd be rejected by many customers and the agency will figure out she is a problem. If you hired her from an ad, not an agency, when you let her go, then next time, either go through an agency or get someone younger, but not too young either, someone you can talk to and ask how they clean, show them tasks around your house, not after hiring but in an interview before hiring. Ask her how she would tackle that chore. Get a feel for her on how well she can follow directions, and is her personality more like your own. Sometimes a position doesn't work if personalities differ too much. this is the best I can advise with what you did share.

15 year old girl...lately, I've been having these bizzare sexual dreams. And it isn't just plain old sex-I once had a dream where literally everyone everywhere I went was fighting to eat me out, and another one where I was being paid by two girls to have threesomes with them in the bathroom, or even one that involved me riding a barrel attached to a rope hanging from the ceiling that made me aroused.

I don't know what these dreams mean nor do I know how to stop them, they just make me feel weird. Is this normal?

I also agree this is most likely hormonal. You may or may not have a boyfriend, may not do anything like masturbating to take care of these feelings you have. I should also mention libido. Libido is is a person's overall sexual drive or desire for activity. The desire can be different in people, with some naturally having a great drive and desire for sexual activity more often and that's normal for them. Others may not feel this desire as often as others. I have seen this vary in people from those wanting sex a couples times a day, once a day, a couple times per week or once every other week or even less, way less. And it is all normal. The thing to keep in mind for way in your future is to make sure you do not marry somewhere who's libido is way different than yours. When you dream, your subconscious is in control and running your dreams. So your subconscious mind is playing scenes that it knows will give you the strongest sexual enjoyment. Our minds, even when awake, are important to enjoying sex. When awake, there are certain things that a person will find more arousing when they focus their thought life on those things, no matter how bizzare they are or that in real life, you wouldn't want to do them. This is also a normal part of sex life and once older and you have a committed partner, you and he will both have fun using thoughts like this to make things more exciting. Enjoy it all, whether asleep or awake.

“You’ll always be in my heart, don’t forget that” he said after we broke up. Is that a fancy way of saying, you’re my back up or something? Can anyone explain please? We’re in our 20’s.
Much appreciated

The heart can have feelings for many people, not just ones mate. the heart holds love for his mother father, grandparents, any siblings, close buddy friends and his saying you will be always in his heart means that he will care about you, obviously, not as a mate or back up, just as a friend, or maybe like an extended family member. Sometimes, it means the person wants you to be in their life, but not as a lover. Sometimes, they say and mean this but a new mate might not be understanding of his keeping in touch as a friend, especially if you once were lovers and he may have to stop keeping in touch Lastly, a person might say such a thing, not because they truly mean it but to make a break up not feel as bad for you. Guys don't like to see females get upset or cry and will sometimes say things like this, but not the actual words he used. My guess is that he is looking for someone with a future wife in mind and just didn't feel something with you. This doesn't mean you are lacking anything and unfit for anyone. People are complex and therefore, not just any nice person will make a good life mate. He may still be trying to figure out who that is but is sure when someone is not the right one. this also means that you will be the best choice for another guy.

Please forgive me if this ends up being a bit long, but there's quite a bit I'd like to get off of my chest if no one minds. I have a great uncle (Grandma's brother) with whom I used to be extremely close. His name is David and the two of us shared a very special relationship at one time.

My Uncle David and my grandmother were always each other's best friend when they were young. I shared a very close relationship with my grandmother as well while she was alive She and my grandfather lived within walking distance of my mother, my sister, and myself when I was young and we saw them on a daily basis. I used to love when Uncle David would come for a visit and I would get a chance to sit and listen to him and my grandmother tell funny stories about their childhood. Having the opportunity to get to know a distant uncle so well and form such a special bond with him was something I will cherish for the rest of my life.

After my grandmother passed away in 2008, Uncle David still came to visit and he made me feel favored among my other relatives. I didn't know why for a couple of years, but he eventually let me know that it was because I reminded him of my grandmother more so than any other relative we had. You cannot imagine how much this meant to me. My grandmother was an amazing woman. She was incredibly kind, loving, selfless, compassionate, and empathetic. She had a heart of gold and was truly the greatest human being I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. To be told that I was like her at all would've been enough of a compliment, but to be told that i remind him of her, especially more so than anyone else in the family, was indescribably flattering.

All of my life, I've felt rather overshadowed by my older sister. Many of my extended relatives have always paid far more attention to her than to me simply because she's older. They call me by her name, they misremember stories about me as being about her, they are always more interested in her life than in mine, and they're always making observations about her and only her resemblance to our other relatives. I tend to feel a bit invisible at times, but Uncle David always made me feel important and loved. This was something else for which I will always be immensely grateful.

Unfortunately, Uncle David has been stricken with Alzheimer's disease and has suffered progressive memory loss at an alarmingly fast rate. I know this is terrible, but I haven't seen or even spoken with him in about four years. I fear that if I attempt to contact him, he won't remember who I am. I do worry greatly that I have been completely expunged from his memory and learning that would be devastating to me, as would seeing someone I love and admire so much in such bad condition.

However, at the same time, I've been feeling more and more lately as if I need to see him soon. I strongly feel that I need to get back in touch with him and be of more help to him in dealing with his condition. I've stayed away all of this time because I feared he wouldn't remember me and I didn't think there was anything I could do for him anyway. I felt as though seeing him would not do anyone any good anyway. He would likely have no idea who I was, so it wouldn't mean anything to him and seeing him in such bad shape and knowing for certain that he's forgotten me would only hurt me, so I felt a need to stay away. Now, I feel like I've done the wrong thing and should have put my fears aside long ago and just gone to see him anyway.

Please pardon my selfishness, but I would love it if Uncle David could see what all has been happening in my life since we last saw each other. I am a writer and I'm insanely close to reaching my dream of having a novel published. Hardly anyone was prouder of me when it came to the fact that I wanted to be a writer than Uncle David. He wanted so badly for me to email him some of my stories. He'd ask me to do so almost every time I saw him, but I kept procrastinating and never got around to actually doing it. The thing is, I've always been very self conscious about my writing. I have to get up a lot of courage to let anyone read anything I've written because I have a tendency to regard everything I write as garbage. Now, I understand that it is normal for writers to feel that way, but in the past, I felt that if I thought it was garbage, then it must be garbage. This was one reason I never sent Uncle David anything I wrote, but I feel bad now as I know that no matter how bad anything I wrote actually may have been, he'd have never seen it as being bad at all. He'd have thought it was wonderful even if it was absolutely atrocious. I know he would have enjoyed it anyway and that he'd love to read the books I've been writing and trying to get published lately, but I worry it's too late now.

I'd also like to introduce him to my family. I would love him to meet my darling children of whom I am extremely proud. I recently had a new son named Henry. I had hell trying to think of a middle name for Henry because the only ones I liked that I thought were a good fit were already taken. Then, I finally came up with one that I could not believe I hadn't thought to use sooner, which was Henry David. There has never been another person in my life with whom I've shared a relationship like the one I shared with Uncle David. Therefore, with the exception of my mother and grandmother, there's no one after whom I'd rather name a child. I know it would mean a lot to him to know that I did so, or at least it would have in the past. However, if he doesn't remember me, it probably won't mean anything at all.

I'm really sorry for the length of this question, but I do appreciate your taking the time to read it and I will greatly appreciate any advice I might get. Absolutely any advice on what I should do now would be of tremendous help to me. Thank you again.

I am familiar with Alzheimers. A woman I still consider a mother in law though I am divorced from her son, has Alzheimers. I saw her 4 years ago and she was having a good day when I visited. Her oldest son is doing all the care giving for her in their home, husband is alive but in late 90s so he can't help much. I was told she can't remember anyone now and having too many people over at once is too stressful for her. So since my last visit, visits have been restricted to just her sons seeing her now and even that is crazy as I have spoken with my ex often and he says last time he was there, she asked what his name was and then said she'd like to introduce him to her friend who was her oldest son. My adult daughters would love to see her and one did get a chance to go with her dad to visit and reported to me that Grandma did not remember her at all.
What I have learned is that there is no chance of such a person remembering anything you say even if they somewhat remember you. Or early on, when confused, the person will smile and take cues from others, and pretend they know you because they are too embarrassed they don't know who you are. Unless you are with him 24/7, you are not going to catch him at a very random short period of time when he might remember you. So you have to know that if you do go to see him, you can share all the things you want, but you have to reconcile in your mind that you are not doing this for him anymore. Visiting a relative with Alzheimers is more for the family members sake than for the afflicted one. So if you want to see him, do go. But do not expect that all you tell him will make any sense, let alone if he remembers you at the moment. I know I can't have my last visits with mother in law because even in a clear moment, if that were to happen, she would likely not retain it since there is also extreme short term memory loss. This would be like you going to a file on your computer expecting to see the data you saved, to go over it again but there is nothing there . It was personal stuff, only that you knew but now its not there. No matter how hard he may try, he may not be able to access his memories. I do hope you catch him at a good time, a good day, but be prepared for much worse. You might have to introduce yourself and smile and be okay with him thinking you are a new friend rather than a relative who reminded him of his sister, your grandma. You will have to ask those who care take him as to what is okay to talk about and what would distress him. What if he gets easily distressed from being asked over and over, ' Don't you remember …...” You may not be able to tell him what you want to tell him in a visit and it sounds like you have a lot to share with him. Telling him what you wish to say may have to wait until he has passed over. See, it's the same for me. And this is my only glimmer of something to look forward to, being able to talk to her soul, because I do know the deceased go to visit their loved ones left behind. Most likely he and grandma will come visit you as a pair often, especially since you were the most special to him. I am sorry if you do not believe in the here-after but I do and it is a great comfort to me to know that even though I haven't seen my grandma and both my parents in a long long time, that until the great reunion when my time has come to pass over, I can talk to them anytime and they can hear. Why is that possible? Because they are no longer attached to a mortal body that is diseased, damaged, too old. A spirit can hear and see all. Remember this for when he has passed on. That will be your time to finally tell him all, and he will be able to observe you and your children and will know you gave a son his name for a middle name. Just start talking to him whether out loud or in your mind. I do believe a main form of communicating is messages sent to each others minds. That is how I have heard God answer when I talked to him and God is also spirit form. So if you mentally ask your Uncle David to come to listen to you share your books with him, you can believe he will be listening. The reading, I would do out loud as if you were reading to him with him sitting in the room. This is good for you, helping you so you don't feel guilt that you didn't share stuff with him before Alzheimers. Better real late than never to talk to him in detail when he is actually hearing and understanding everything you say.

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