|
I still love him, and I don't know what to do about it!
I'm a 16 year old female. Two years ago, I started crushing hard on a friend of mine. About a year ago, I confessed to him, but was rejected. He was super sweet about it though. Really understanding, and we're still friends. But, even though its been a while since the rejection, I still love him. I tried avoiding him for a while, but I still thought about him. I tried dating someone else, but I couldn't bring myself to love them as much as I do him. I know this little crush has crossed the point from innocent to obsessive, but I don't know what to do about it.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
When it comes to attraction, it isn't always mutual. You can not assume that just because you feel something for a guy, that it means the reason you feel something is because the two of you are a destined match and so he will have as great attraction for you as you have for him. Sometimes its the other way around with the guy wanting a girl but she isn't attracted to him. This happened lots to me after a divorce when I was dating again. I simply told them that I did not feel any chemistry with them. And that is something men seemed to understand well, that word 'chemistry'.
I know you don't want something like this to affect your life to the point you can't move on and thus miss out on other opportunities.
Its' actually a quite simple fix dear. But It is going to take your full attention to deal with it for the first couple days. I did this to get over a man I thought would be in my life after he got a separation but he went back to his wife, only to leave her 3 years later for good after I'd already met and married someone. The man I have now is far better than the one I lost.
But at the time, here is what I did to get over loving him and thinking about him. Love is an emotion, right? Just like sadness or anger, etc. Emotions are linked with our subconscious mind and to prove that, think of a movie that got you angry or so sad you cried. YOur logical mind knew it was actors and a script, but your subconscious mind got so involved in what it was witnessing, it reacted simply to what was happening. The subconscious mind is almost like having to deal with another person inside of you. It reasoning can be childlike or faulty because it wants to make you happy and knows you felt happiest when you felt all these love feelings for someone so it keeps producing these for you and keeps it alive by continuously making you think about him. I found out that once I was looking consciously for each time my mind drifted to think about the man I lost, it happened way too often. I found these thoughts cropping up every couple of minutes the first day. That day was emotionally exhausting. Each time your mind starts thinking of him, thats your subcon. mind bringing it up so you have to retrain your mind to stop doing this because it is doing this like a bad habit. There are other things the subcon. mind regulates so your conscious mind doesn't have to focus on it, like taking your next breath and blinking your eyes, and sometimes the thought life and emotions become as routine to that mind as doing its designated by nature--chores in your body. So you need to stop everytime you think of him and speak to yourself but it will actually be saying this for the benefit of your subconscious, that you don't want to think of him anymore or feel love for him anymore because he doesn't feel the same way back. YOu tell your mind to stop it. Then a couple minutes later as it brings up the very same things again, repeat what you said. You can talk out loud when you have no audience, or talk to yourself inside your head, you know, like mental telepathy. Your subconscious will hear loud and clear. After the first day, it gets better but is still often during the day you have thoughts and feelings. But after you consistently repeat and don't skip because you're tired of it, eventually you find it has stopped. When you no longer have thoughts about him, you may still love him but that love can now fade in a way it no longer hurts anymore. I guarantee that someday when you have found someone who loves you as much as you love him, you will then see the difference. Any love you have for him will then only be friendship love without the romantic feelings mixed in. Thats the only real big difference between couple love and friend love. Good luck dear.
]
You need time as a 16 year old you have lots of things to look forward to. College if you choose that route. Jobs will bring you into contact with more guys, I think he decided he would rather be your friend and not risk losing that then the possibility of a break up that could destroy your friendship. Your not alone in this situation and it goes both ways guys have the same problem, but sometimes it's better to have a life long friend then to have tried to have a relationship and it fail and you lose a friend that has your best interest at hand. Stay friends but work on moving on with your romantic feelings for him and be content to have a friend. There is someone out there for you keep looking. It will work itself out in time.
]
More Questions: |