Good day everyone.
I am a nursing student. My ultimate goal is to be a travel nurse.
I am happily married for over 12 years and have 3 children: ages 6, 4, and 2. Family is the most important thing in the world and I want to help families work out problems so they do not have to be torn apart.
If your family is as important to you as mine is to me, get the help you need. If you do not like my advice, I respect that but look for someone that works for your needs.
Your family is worth it!
Gender: Female
Location: Ohio
Occupation: Home maker/ nursing student
Age: 31
Member Since: October 26, 2007
Answers: 223
Last Update: September 27, 2011
Visitors: 32458
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Have u ever heard that you are not supposed to clean or work on good friday because it is Gods Day??? if so tell me what you think about that. Why arent you supposed to???? Tell me what you know???? (link)
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I cannot speak for all denominations, especially not the orthodox christians and catholics. I am only speaking as a United Methodist which is a group of protestants.
We generally spend the day if able in prayer and reflection. We are not specifically told we are not allowed to work although as very active and involved UMs, my husband usually takes the day off so we can go to church. You are supposed to treat it as a day of mourning and in meditation about how Jesus had just spent a few years preaching and teaching and being followed as a miracle man, the son of God who could do all of these great and wonderful things. Then he was put out into the wilderness under extremely harsh conditions; no food, no water, no help. In fact, the opposite. He had the devil on his heels. Finally, he was able to get back to "civilization" where everyone cheered and supported him and cried out in joy and great happiness. Then less than a week later he was betrayed by a friend, sentenced to death, beaten and literally ripped apart to within an inch of life, and then left hanging from a cross with nails and a crown of thorns in front of a crowd who were making fun of him and mocking him, to die.
Our pastor makes it quite clear that to truely experience the spirituality of Easter, it is important to remember what Jesus went through in dying and death to be truely awed on Easter. It is therefore very important to get to church and do some reflecting and meditating on Good Friday.
But as far as working... I think technically it is okay. Even working on the sabbath (technically Saturday but traditionally Sunday to coincide with pagan days) is okay. I don't know the specifics but in the bible it gets pretty specific about how many steps you are allowed to take, etc. to be considered work.
And if you are not allowed to clean on Good Friday... I need to do some serious praying for forgiveness because I am having Easter dinner at my house so you better believe AFTER CHURCH I was quite busy at my house getting things done!!!!
An orthodox christian or catholic may have different opinions on this. They traditionally take the bible much more literally than the majority of the religious and faithful population.
I went on a bit... I think I was "moved" (smile) so I hope this helped you.
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Hi!
I saw you as the featured columnist (congrats) and I read that you were a psychology student. I'm graduating HS this June, and I want to study psychology as a major. My question is, how long will it take to finally be able to finish school? Is it true you have to write a book? With what degree can you finally apply for a job as a psychologist? Any other type of advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you SOOO much!!!
-Uniq (link)
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This is not exactly an easy group of questions to answer! Actually, they aren't so much hard as they bring up more questions.
I am in my third year (perpetually). I have three kids so school is very difficult for me these days. I am hoping to get back this fall and finish my final year.
Anyway, your first question is how long it will take you to finish. If you start college the fall after you graduate and go full time, you should be able to finish in 4 to 5 years. I don't know ANYONE who has ever finished in four. there are usually one or two classes you cannot fit in here and there either because of your own schedule or a class isn't offered during a certain quarter or semester, etc. You end up having to go another semester or two to finish and therefore it takes you 5 years. That being said, I changed my major three times before finally deciding I was supposed to study psychology. I began taking psych classes in high school and no matter what my college major was, I was taking every psych class offered to fill in my electives. I LOVED psychology. For some reason, I didn't realize until 1 1/2 years ago that Psych is what I am called to do. The difference between you and me is that I am not going to be a psychologist but rather I am going to get a master's degree in marriage and family therapy. I keep going back and forth between therapy and pastoral counseling but either way, I am getting my bachelor's in psych because this is one of the two best degrees to go on to one of these two professions. I could get a bachelor's in psych or theology. I have enough credits in psych to finish in one more year where I would have two or three to finish theology. The only thing that keeps me going right now is knowing that my pastor's wife is old enough to be my mother and only just finished with her PhD in clinical psychology 2 years ago. I am trying to beat her haha.
Whew... Moving on... If you only get a bachelor's in psychology you will be limited. Most of the really successful, higher paying jobs in psychology require a masters at minimum. They are usually research jobs where you gather information, possibly do experiments, etc. to learn more about the human mind. As complex as our brains are, it usually takes more than a bachelors degree to prepare you for this kind of work. I am giving you a link here to a good description of the jobs available as a psychologist but I am going to copy and paste one paragraph to give you an idea of what to expect with JUST a bachelor's degree:
"Having a bachelor's degree in psychology will enable an applicant to work as an assistant to other psychologists or other personnel at community medical centers, behavior modification programs, or programs for vocational rehabilitation. Some are employed in other fields, like market research, as consultants or specialists. Others might work as administrative assistants, help with research, or train for managerial positions in corporations."
http://www.careeroverview.com/psychology-careers.html
If you are wanting to be a therapist like me, you definitely want to get at minimum a masters. You will have many more opportunities open to you with a PhD. This is my ultimate goal but I am trying to go one degree at a time given my age. I will be ecstatic to get a bachelors at this point in my life! Most people who need serious mental help want their therapist to be REALLY qualified.
Writing a book? I have never heard about this. This could be required at the PhD level but I dont think even at the masters level this is required. It may depend on where you go? I am certain it is not for the bachelor's level. To get your master's, depending on what type of psychologist you want to be, you may be looking at a SERIOUS research paper- one that COULD potentially be published in a medical or mental health magazine... but I don't think a book. I already have an idea in mind for my "thesus" for my master's degree. I need to keep that to myself as I want it to be as original as possible... but when it is time to write this paper it may feel like it is a book!
This is about all I have to offer you at this point. As only a third year undergraduate student I am not experienced enough in the upper levels to to discuss them with much knowledge. I do very little actual work in the field currently without a degree. I lead a support group at church for children from separated or divorced families. Otherwise, I have a very part time job with my church that I can do from home. I can't really do much for a few years until my kids are a little older. I cannt leave the home until my oldest is able to babysit for a few hours so I still have a few years to finish my degree before I will be in a position to work.
Oh, one more little tidbit... this is not something you will be able to find vast amounts of work in... but I have also always been somewhat interested in paranormal psychology. Not a career choice I have personally made but I enjoy reading about and watching television programs concerning ghost chases and our ability to see the world outside the normal realm. I caution you about this choice however as it is not the most popular and should probably be left just to entertainment.
The world always needs a few more good psychologists. We are quite a depressed group of people and our brains are still extremely baffling!! This is a good thing for a psych.
Best of luck.
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is it possible for someone to just suddenly become hairer than usual?
im not sure why but i get hair now on my forehead and stuff. maybe i didnt notice it before?
or are my hormones are messed up? im 18/f and started puberty really early so i am confused. (link)
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Excessive hair is called hirsutism.
I do not know your ethnic background but in darker skinned people; from India, Spain, Italy for example tend to have more facial hair than those from Northern Europe or Asia. It is possible you just have a tendency toward more hair in your body's makeup but it just started to appear.
There are some cases where hirsutism can be a sign of a deeper medical condition. If you simply have a little hair in places you with it wasn't, it is probably just a cosmetic issue that you can either accept or have taken care of. If you have any other issues that seem to have developed suddenly including weight gain, you may want to consult your doctor just to rule out these other conditions which can be serious.
Here is a website where you can learn more about hirsutism so get an idea whether you have the annoying kind, or a more serious issue going on...
This one tends to use a lot of medical terminology and can be tricky to understand.
http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/1072031-overview
This is a little easier to read but you'll need to follow the links to "symptoms" "causes" "risk factors" etc.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/hirsutism/ds00858
Best of luck.
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i have never cut myself before and i dont think i have a mental problem or anything like that, but i have burned myself with a curling iron or punched myself or bit my lip really hard. i dont know why i do this. its not because i like seeing blood or it feels like some kind of release. i do it for attention, like when i had a big burn mark on my arm, i liked how everyone felt bad for me. and i scratched my face and told everyone i had fallen on the street. i have alot of friends and im the class clown so everyone knows me and always give me attention. im always cracking jokes or being obnoxious and everyone always laughs and gives me a ton of attention. but i still keep hurting myself. maybe i like them to feel bad for me or somethig? i dont know. and whenever me and my boyfriend get in a fight or my mom gets pissed at me, i think about killing myself. but not because i want to escape everything, more because it would make everyone so upset and feel bad for me. like i actually thought about them all crying at my funeral and stuff n how the feeling of being missed would be so good. the only thing that stopped me was that i wouldnt be alive to see them missing me so there isnt really a point in doing that. i dont know why i want so much attention. i thought that maybe it was because my boyfriend has started being an asshole to me and its killing me inside. we were so in love and then he just didnt seem to care or love me anymore. so i thought maybe i was trying to make him feel bad for me or love me again.i am kinda weirding myself out over here haha please help, i dont want to keep hurting myself (link)
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Whether you are actually cutting yourself or not, what you are doing is called self-injury and this is a big problem which can lead to an even worse problem.
Self injury can be done by anyone, anytime, anywhere... but is typically done by teenage girls and young adult girls. It is done because you don't have better coping skills when things get rough and sometimes it is done because you may think if you feel the pain on the outside, when it heals, you may be better.
You said you have a lot of friends and are the class clown. This is great! Congratulations on having a large social network. However, even the most popular people have their personal problems. You probably really need to have a bonding moment with Mom or Dad. Mom loves you and would love to help you... if she knew. She can help you find a place that can teach you different coping strategies!
To be perfectly honest... if your boyfriend is causing you this much distress... lose him. Especially this day and age, it is (not impossible) uncommon for high school sweethearts to spend the rest of their lives together, be married, have children, and so on.
You are allowed to be happy. If something makes you unhappy, change it.
You mentioned you like the attention you get when you have a burn mark or a scratch. If you were in a support group or therapist session, you would probably be asked to ask yourself two questions and really try to get to the bottom of why you do this. The first question would be, what do you think people would think or feel if they knew you did this to yourself? and secondly, why do you need this attention so badly?
More than likely the answers are some combination of your friends and family would be sad that you feel you have to do this to yourself. You would no longer be lying to them or yourself but rather telling them that you have a problem that needs help and you don't know how else to ask for this help. You are a popular person, a class clown even and yet this is not enough attention for you. You are missing it from somewhere or someone else that is very important to you (and I doubt your boyfriend is the answer).
This is not something that is easily cured overnight. You have an illness that needs treatment just like a drug addict needs help, alcoholics, etc. You have control over how you injur yourself where you may not have control over another aspect of your life. But this is not healthy.
I want you to look over a website, and perhaps even print out the information to have with you for a discussion with Mom. This is very important. Mom needs to know. You are obviously a friendly, fantastic person who just needs a help and Mom wants to be there for you. If not mom, an aunt or dad or an uncle or grandma or grandpa... but someone.
My suggestion is to print out this information and give it to the person to look over. Then very seriously mention " I am concerned I have this problem and I need your help to overcome this".
The website is:
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm
You deserve the best life has to offer. You can move beyond this and find the true, happy self that you may not be feeling right now. You can get there! You have a lot of friends. If you have just one that you can trust enough with this plus telling a family member you love and trust, these people will be there to help pull you out of this. Don't worry about doing it alone. We all need support with some aspect of our lives!!! It can be a tough world out there.
Best of luck.
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when i was 4, i remember my grandpa doing some weird things. i am now 16 and have thought about it all these years. i dont remember it too clearly but i remember things that he did like pull his dick out of his pants and then put me on his lap on top of it. he did other weird stuff like that. its really weird between us now but i only see him once a year because he lives in another country. but he does things like smack my butt or put his arm around me. he doesnt do any of the stuff he did when i was a little kid though. is this considered molesting or anything? and how would this effect me now in life? thanks! (link)
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What you remember from childhood is absolutely without a doubt considered sexual abuse.
As far as smacking your rear, I personally consider this inappropriate behavior of a grandfather. Certainly this depends on the relationship between grandchild and grandfather. My own grandfather would NEVER smack my rear end... but given your history, this is definitely not acceptable.
It does not sound as if anything was done about this years ago when it first happened. This is unfortunate as you should have had help and support but also, you may not be the only one.
If there are other children susceptible to this behavior, it is important you find someone you can trust to tell this to as this cycle of abuse needs to stop.
I am personally aware of the implications of childhood sexual abuse on an adult. This will almost certainly affect how you behave and perceive all future relationships.
I can't begin here on an advice column to give you nearly enough information about what has happened to you, what may happen to you, what you need to do to prepare yourself for adult relationships after childhood trauma. This is a huge deal and I really think you should begin by finding a therapist or support group where you can open up about your own trauma.
There is a website you can visit for a start. There is a warning that pops up before you enter (or at least for me there is) that states there may be materials in the site that can be a trigger and for your first visit you should have a support person there in case this triggers you emotionally. Anyway, the site is havoca which stands for help for the adult victim of child abuse. Here is the link:
http://www.havoca.org/
There is also the gatehouse at
http://www.thegatehouse.org/programs/adult-support-network
And of course there are books out there if you go to your library or bookstore and look at the self-help section.
I strongly urge you to find a local support group at a church or other safe organization or a therapist if you are able (I realize you are only 16 so you may have to go through your parents for this).
There are so many avenues here that need to be brought up that may have always been a family secret. Such as, your grandfather is either Mom's or Dad's dad... was Mom or Dad affected too? Do you have cousins or aunts or uncles who may have had this done? Perhaps someone else's life within your family could be helped by your coming out to Mom or Dad with this.
The downside is the risks of angering someone. But this is why I advise you to seek a professional group to help you with the best ways to go about this whole thing.
You also need to understand what a relationship is supposed to be like and how to personally behavie in one. You may "feel" fairly normal given this happened so long ago, but the reality is this has shaped your brain; your mind, your emotions, your concept of certain aspects of life that you may not even realize yet such as work and school.
I hope you are able to follow through with some of this and get the help you deserve.
Best of luck.
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At the moment my boyfriend is locked up and i am 7 1/2 months pregnant. Like 2 weeks ago my best friend kissed me and i didnt stop him . We chill like everyday now. I really to love my boyfriend but im starting to get feeling 4 my best friend. At the moment i dont know what to do. I dont know what to say or think. Can u please at least help me with this? (link)
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You need to take some time away from guys for a while.
You are having a baby. You didn't mention whether you are keeping it or not but for the rest of this response we will assume you are.
You are a teenager and unmarried. You chose to have sex with someone who is okay doing some undisclosed act that is against the law and now while he is incarcerated you have another male moving in on you.
You need to concentrate on your baby. I realize this is on the computer and you cannot hear my tone of voice. I am trying to be sympathetic, by the way, I am not being sarcastic or fussing. But the reality is that you are no longer allowed to be a selfish teenager. You are now a woman carrying an innocent child who deserves the absolute best that life can offer. This little baby does not deserve to be born into a world where mommy has different men coming in and out of his/her life every few months. Children deserve safety and consistency. You can give this to your baby. I know nothing of how you grew up or what your experiences were but if you did not have safety or comfort as a child, offer it to your baby. You will find that the more you work toward providing the BEST for this child, the better your own life becomes.
Boys really need to take a back seat at this point in your life. For your own safety and well being as well as your child's.
Hopefully you are in a position to have a comfortable home where the baby gets to come home. Hopefully you are approaching the end of your senior year of high school so can finish and graduate. Hopefully you are planning to go to college, even if it is community college to get some sort of degree or certificate where you can make a decent enough living to provide for your family. If your boyfriend is in jail right now, he has a higher likelyhood of being there again. You need to HOPE for the best that when he gets out he will be straight and help you financially but do not expect or count on this.
Please, get to know who YOU are and what YOU want out of life. Are you completely satisfied with who and what you are right now? Do you want more for yourself? Think about this sweet little baby you are going to be having in a few months. This child should have a clean, warm place to live without worrying about moving around every few weeks or months, being in danger, etc. And belive me, your child will know what sort of lifestyle it has before its first birthday, even if he/she doesn't fully understand it or be able to talk about it. As a child, it is a terrible feeling to know you can't trust the people around you you are supposed to be able to run to when you are scared.
YOU are the mom. YOU can make a difference in your own life. You don't need and probably shouldn't have a new guy in your life right now. You have two people to worry about and one of those is completely helpless.
Don't push all of your friends away, you may need them for emotional support but don't bring other issues into the picture until you have yourself figured out.
Best of luck.
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What are some examples of
logos? I dont need ethos and pathos, just didnt want you to think i ment an actual logo :)
I have no clue what it
is really either, so if ya could help me out
here alittle it'll be greatly appreciated. :D
Plz and Thank Yew
;] (link)
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I found a website that explains logos as well as giving examples. You need to scroll down a little. But I think this may help you.
Where it says:
Rhetoric, Logos, Pathos, and Ethos
THE THREE "ARTISTIC PROOFS." I think may be helpful.
http://courses.durhamtech.edu/perkins/aris.html
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I am sixteen, and since I was small, I've always been scared of the dark. I don't mind when it's dark but there's streetlights, but if it's dark, outside or inside, I'm scared shitless.
I was mildly scared in my old house, but in my current house I am absolutely terrified, especially as this house gives off such a negative feeling (but that's another thing)
I just wish I could overcome this but I can't. I mean I can sleep with my lights off but if I have to go to the toilet at night, I have to turn on the biggest light in my room, then the light in the corridor and then the bathroom.
Any advice, please? And no stupid comments, that's no use to anyone. (link)
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Your last comment made me almost pass up answering this because I don't know what you consider a stupid comment... but I decided to answer anyway.
As I am sure you know, fear of the dark is one of the most common fears. It is not childish or anything to be ashamed of. One thing that bothers me is when people tell you "you should try to conquer your fear". If you are afraid of say, milk or air perhaps. If you are afraid of spiders or rats or the dark... avoid it!!!
You need to make an assessment of why you are afraid of the dark as this may be something covering a more serious underlying concern or fear. If something terrible happened to you as a child, you may need to get professional help. If you had a robber in your house or something equally as frightening happened to you in a dark area, you may need help to resolve that issue and the fear of dark will settle on its own.
We have a right to be afraid of the dark because it is usually for a reason such as... we can't see potential dangers. If outside, you can't see if there is a mugger or a rabid dog or raccoon, for example. If inside, you can't see if you are about to fall down the steps or run into a cabinet. There are actual dangers in the dark. Our eyes can take the smallest bit of light and bend it into tricking our brains that there is something moving ahead. Have you ever stared at something (in full light) and realized that it was moving or at least had a tremor? I have done that. Now imagine you do that in the dark? Now you can't really see anything, but you know whatever it is is moving! That can play horrible tricks on the brain.
If this is just a common fear of the dark, I recommend night lights. I have four set up strategically around my house. There is one in the two bedrooms where my kids sleep (our rooms all open at the same point in our hallway so I see their doors from my bedroom door and their lights therefore give me just enough in my room but not so much I can't sleep). I have one in the bathroom and one in the kitchen. This is enough light that no matter where I am in the house I have a bit of light.
You are in a new house which can be a bit scarey anyway but then you added that extra little comment of it giving off negative feelings. No wonder you don't want to be in the dark.
As you get older you may find you get over this naturally but until this happens (or not) I suggest you just give into it and have nightlights. A little 4-watt bulbs that offers enough light to break the darkness is much nicer than a 60-watt bulb that fully wakes you up and can cause difficulty falling back to sleep.
Hopefully this was not stupid or useless to your situation. I wish you the best of luck and remember, anything we feel we are allowed to feel. If you are afraid of the dark, this is who you are and you should not be ashamed of it. If this turns into a fear of air... we need to talk more.
Good luck.
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Por Amor: Alexander Pires
A noite de lua cheia
quase imprescindivel
Na silhueta do seu corpo
Eu vejo o invisivel
O vento traz de seus cabelos
Um cheiro suave
E eu te juro amor eterno
Nesse instante
Que magica tem os seus beijos
Que me enlouquecem
Seu jeito de fazer amor
Que sempre tao suave
Voce ja sabe como eu gosto
E tudo o que preciso
Eu nao seria o mesmo
Se eu nao te encontrasse
por amor
Que ns fazemos sempre coisas impossiveis
por amor
Que os coraces se tornam tao indivisiveis
S no amor
Que a gente entende e sente o quanto importante
por amor
Que eu estou contigo e vivo cada instante
Voce me faz sorrir do mundo
E das dificuldades
o meu porto mais seguro
Em minhas tempestades
E quando de loucura e medo
Eu fico sem saida
Voce me acalma e
Ilumina a minha vida
por amor
Que ns fazemos sempre coisas impossiveis
por amor
Que os coraces se tornam tao indivisiveis
S no amor
Que a gente entende e sente o quanto importante
por amor
Que eu estou contigo e vivo cada instante
OH.... por amor... EH... por amor
OH.... por amor.. EH... por amor
S no amor
Que a gente entende e sente o quanto importante
por amor
Que eu estou contigo e vivo cada instante
Quando o amor chega assim de repente
Quando o amor toma conta da gente
Quando o amor verdade
Quando o amor total
Quando o amor dorme e acorda contigo
Quando seu companheiro e amigo
verdade..........
total.....
por amor...
por amor que os
Coraces se tornam
Tao indivisiveis
S no amor que a gente
Entende e sente
O quanto importante
por amor que eu estou (link)
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I used the language tools option in Google for this. I hope it is correct. I copied and pasted the "translated" version below:
For Love: Alexander Pires
The night of full moon
almost essential
In the silhouette of your body
I see the invisible
The wind brings to your hair
A mild smell
And I will swear eternal love
In that instant
What magic has its kisses
I am mad
His way of making love
What ever so gentle
You already know how I like
And all I need
I would not be the same
If I not find you
for love
Ns that we always impossible things
for love
Coracias that become so indivisible
S in love
That we understand and feel how important
for love
I am with you and live each moment
You make me smile in the world
And the difficulties
my safe harbor
In my storms
And when the madness and fear
I get no output
You and me calm
Lights my life
for love
Ns that we always impossible things
for love
Coracias that become so indivisible
S in love
That we understand and feel how important
for love
I am with you and live each moment
OH .... for love ... EH ... for love
OH .... for love .. EH ... for love
S in love
That we understand and feel how important
for love
I am with you and live each moment
When love comes so suddenly
When love takes care of people
When true love
When all the love
When love sleeps and wakes with
When her partner and friend
true ..........
total .....
for love ...
for love that
Coracias become
Tao indivisible
S in the love that we
Understand and feel
How important
for love that I'm
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Hi, I love the advice you give, and I was wondering if maybe you had any for me. I don't really have a specific question, but I have a feeling that you probably have some great words of wisdom that I could use.
A little about our background--my boyfriend and I have been together for more than 3 1/2 years now, and we are planning on getting married in another 3 1/2, when he gets out of law school. We are waiting because we can't shoulder the financial burden, (and I don't do well poor--I have a horse and two dogs, along with several expensive hobbies) so we are trying our best to start out our marriage with as little debt as possible. We are high school sweethearts, but I think we've been successful because we've grown and changed together. We were raised similarly, and come from somewhat similar backgrounds. His father is a lawyer, whereas my parents did not finish college, but my best friend's family is entirely medical, and I was half-raised in her home, so I don't believe background is an issue.
Our biggest differences come in when planning the future. He fully supports my dreams, and I support his, but we still have trouble sometimes. As for the immediate future, we have to deal with his getting into law school, and where I am going after I graduate. We are graduating a semester apart, so unless we both stay where we are now, which I am reluctant to, we will have to spend some time apart. More than anything, I want to move to Lexington, KY, because I want to work with Thoroughbreds. I would like Daniel to go to a top law school like Virginia or Georgetown, but he is leaning more toward going where ever I will be; not that I am discouraging that, but my plans are always fluid, whereas his tend to be more solid.
As for our distant future, we tend to argue about whether to have kids or not. He wants at least one of our own, but not only am I terrified of being pregnant, I don't even like kids. I guess they're cute and all, but they are the cutest when you can send them back to mommy. Most people I have talked to said that I would change my mind, and I'm more than open to it, but I don't really see myself developing this love of children in the next few years. I think Daniel would be a great dad, but I am not confident that I would be a good mom at all, and I would be the one at home while he is at work.
So anyway, we are ecstatically happy at the moment, but I know every relationship has its rough patches. If you have any great advice or words of wisdom, I would greatly appreciate your insight! (link)
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I want to start this by thanking you for asking for advice (not necessarily my own, but advice in general) BEFORE you two got married and got kids involved. So many people do things that they end up regretting and then need advice on either how to get out of a situation or on how to live with their regrets.
It is so sweet to hear you two are high school sweethearts. I actually know several people from my own high school who were dating in high school, both went to colleges close to home, and are now married and raising families. My own grandparents were high school sweethearts and were married for 59 ½ years before we lost my grandma. The fact the two of you have survived the most emotional time of your lives (the teenage years) together says a lot about your relationship.
When it comes to your education, it definitely sounds as though you have discussed the tough issue of where to go to college and if you spend time apart. This is a tough one for me because at your ages, you both need to be the most important and you both need to do what is right for your own educations, and what is best for each of you may not end up being similar enough for you to remain close, geographically speaking. Lexington is certainly a great place to go for horses. A lot of people from here go to KY every weekend or just about every weekend to do things with their own horses or see events. I am in Ohio. That being said, most places do have horses and you could certainly work with thoroughbreds wherever you are. There are great law schools other than Virginia or Georgetown. I want to stick in a little life knowledge here… I know a small handful of people who went to Harvard and Yale. Let me tell you- the school does not mean nearly as much as the person who is doing the studying. You could attend Podunk college and get a better education and be better at your career than someone who graduates "Ivy League". If your boyfriend is good at law, studies hard and works hard, then the ultimately the only people who are likely to care are his office mates who may play a game of "I went to a better school than you did" someday at the office. Beyond that, once you have that degree and you are given a chance to prove you know your stuff and are great at what you do, no one cares where you graduated from, or will ever even know unless you make a point at telling. What I am trying to say is perhaps the two of you could research where say, the top 10-15 law schools are and if a few of them are close to where you could be surrounded by your love of horses, then you are set!
Now lets change gears a bit to the kid topic. This concerns me because there are a few things that many people don’t discuss before marriage and they can end up tearing families apart. Whether or not to have kids is one of them.
You said you are afraid to be pregnant. You should ask yourself why, and why you don’t like kids to begin with. Are you afraid to be pregnant because of fear of losing your figure? Are you afraid of health issues associated with being pregnant? Are you afraid of the pain of delivery? Are you afraid of BEING a bad mom? Do you not want kids because they cry a lot and break things? Because they change your way of life meaning you are no longer free to do what you want when you want?
I do not want to try to sway you one way or the other because the reality is, there are a lot of women out there who do not want kids. Some of those women have kids anyway and turn out to be good moms but there are those who never should have had those kids and those kids would be better off living with someone else.
The above things are true. Pregnancy can be uncomfortable. Labor can be painful (though there is pain management that can help tremendously). Kids can be noisy, cry, break things. However, kids are also as well behaved as their parents raise them to be. I am not going to go too much into this as this is a parenting question which would require me writing volumes and this reply is already going to be long enough. Basically, kids, especially when they are your own are so easy to love and return that love in a way that is indescribable unless you have felt that love.
Imagine this: You are now around 45-50 years of age. Daniel is a respected lawyer and you have done wonderful things in the world of horses. Most of your friends now have at least one grandchild. Your friend Sally and her husband are going to take their grandkids to Niagra Falls next spring to see the awe on their grandkids faces at the waterfalls. Mary has recently shown you the pictures of her now grown kids when they were little. There is one particularly sweet picture of Mary with her daughter when the daughter was only 2. They are in a big embrace and the little girl is giving Mary a look that is meant only for a mommy. Betty is unable to get together this weekend because she and her kids are going on a camping trip. Her son was an Eagle Scout and now he does amazing things with the local zoo on saving endangered species. Betty could not be more proud of her kids.
Are you okay not having any of these life experiences? If you are, you will probably be one of those women who should not have kids. If you think you will eventually miss never hearing for the first time "I wuv you mommy" or kissing away tears falling down a chubby cheek… you may want to seriously figure out what your issues are with being pregnant and a mother.
Parenting is NOT, contrary to what many think, an instinct for people. People have few natural instincts. It feels that way sometimes because you get so in tune to what your kids need and want. Parenting needs to be learned and I am sure you know enough people with children who apparently slept through that class in life. I had NEVER held an infant until my first son was born. I had to read lots of books. I have taken classes about children and child psychology. My kids mean EVERYTHING to me but it was not an instinct on how to raise them. I knew NOTHING about kids 5 years ago.
More than likely, if you just "gave up" and had a kid because Daniel wants one, you would probably love it and care for it and not be able to believe you ever did NOT want kids because of your love for your child. That is not saying that is what you should do. If you definitely do NOT want kids, Daniel either needs to accept this, or perhaps this is the one issue that keeps you from completely belonging with each other.
Just be forewarned, you do reach an age when you are too old to change your mind.
I cannot tell you what to do or how to do it. I am sure you already knew that. I just wanted to pose some questions for you to help you in your own decision making.
I wish you the best of luck with this. Life can be really hard sometimes. Once you make it through the tough times though, you are stronger. The tough times smooth out eventually. You need to live. Make sure you will be happy living with your decisions.
Best of Luck.
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18/f
i've known my best guy friend for about, 4 years now. I love the kid, i really do like him alot but he has a girlfriend of two years. Anyways, whenever i know i am going to see him, or right before i walk into a room where he is going to be my hands shake like crazy and my heart pounds so fast, it feels like i'm going to faint or something. I cant control it though, its like im nervous to see him? The weird thing is, i'm so comfortable around him. I tell him just about everything and the shaking stops like 5 minutes after i'm with him. I feel like he can always tell that i'm nervous, but i'm really not that nervous? It is confusing but does anyone know why this would happen? Is there any way for me to try and stop this shaking happening? (link)
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Years ago I was watching a television show and a few lines were exchanged that I obviously do not seem capable of forgetting:
Person A: It sounds like you are in love with him.
Person B: Ewww. No way. He's my best friend. I can't be in LOVE with him!!!
I think our society has lost focus on what relationships are truely about.
It sounds to me like your best guy friend means more to you than you want to let on. It is great, fantastic! that you are completely comfortable around him and can talk to him about anything. It definitely sounds like he is your BEST friend. The fact that you get all shaky and your heart pounds just before you see him highly suggests that you are so excited with anticipation of seeing him.
Our significant others are supposed to be our best friends. I will occasionally hear a married woman tell me that "so and so" is her best friend. Thats okay... if what she is saying is her best female friend. But I sincerely hope she means her husband is her best overall friend. My husband is my best friend and I get so excited around 4:00 every evening because I know he will be home from work before long. If my husband (I'll even take a step back and say boyfriend) had a different girl than myself as his best friend... well that just would not work for me. Either she goes or I go.
It is disappointing to hear this guy has a girlfriend and they have been seeing each other for two years. If this guy feels the same way about you (meaning he considers you HIS best friend) I hope it will work out that eventually he separates with his current girlfriend.
A lasting relationship has everything to do with communication, laughter, trust, cooperation. It is a great bonus if the sex is good too. It is very important to be best friends with your partner- and you getting excited enough about seeing your best friend that you have jitters and palpitations... I think you already know how you feel and just don't want to admit it... perhaps because he is already involved. It makes me wonder if his current girlfriend is everything he hopes to have in a girlfriend to have a separate female as his best friend.
Best of luck.
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Is there things you can try besides going to a doctor to get pregnant? Like old tales or something. Something you guys have triend. My fiance and I have been trying but nothing? What's going on? (link)
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You did not mention how long you have been trying but remember getting pregnant and carying a child to term is literally a miracle. Everything has to be JUST RIGHT or it doesn't work.
We got pregnant the first month of trying with our first child. We assumed the same would happen when we were trying for our second but alas, 8 months later I was still not pregnant. Luckily on month 9 it happened. Then with our third child it was back to the first month of trying again.
It is COMPLETELY normal for it to take up to a year to conceive.
With our third child I read the book "How to chose the sex of your baby" by Dr. Shettles. Whether or not you are trying for a particular gender, the book is loaded with scientific/medical information about how and why it takes what it takes to get pregnant and how to go about it. It discuses sperm count, X & Y chromosomes, acidity, etc. We did happen to use it to help us with gender as our first two kids are the same sex and we are only having three kids. We had hoped to be able to experience a life with sons and daughters both. It actually worked for us as we are sticklers for following rules... but even if you don't care what the gender is, I think this book might explain some things.
There are many other books out there as well. If you go to your library or book store, a reference librarian or a knowledgable clerk should be able to point you in the right direction. We have a "self help" section at our local book store which has TONS of different topics including fertility/infertility issues.
Just remember a few things; 1. Be sure to be on a good prenatal (preferably from a DR. at least one month before conceiving to reduce your chances of birth defects. 2. Somehow... I don't know why... but those who are just having a meaningless one night stand seem to get pregnant a lot faster than those of us who are desperately trying to start a loving, caring family. It can take quite a while. 3. Don't rule out seeing your doctor. You are going to have to go every month once you get pregnant anyway and if you are having that much trouble, you or he may have some sort of issue that could potentially be harmful to a fetus which is why it seems as though you are not getting pregnant at all... you may be getting pregnant but having a miscarriage before you even know you are pregnant. A doctor may be able to help you with this if this is the case- and I don't mean the drugs and procedures that are going to cause you to have 8 or 10 kids all at once.
There is very little in life more fulfilling than having children. They can be little buggars but at the end of the day, I would give my life for all three of mine.
Best of luck with this.
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umh this isnt really a question but i just wanted to say thank you.i was looking at an old question you answer and now the advice you gave me actually helped me out in a recent problem and many things in my life.also i realized all guys were a waste of time and i dont talk to j and d isnt really a crush anymore.he is more like a friend and x well i kinda just dont like him either haha.i decided school,friends,and family come first.so thank you very much =] (link)
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As a future lisenced counselor one of the most difficult things about advicenators is I practically never hear the outcome of my advice. I never get to know if the writer's issue has been resolved, if they were able to work things out with a friend or family member, or if things are still not going well. When I have my own office I will be seeing people on a regular basis; weekly or monthly and will have a running update on their situation.
I am happy I was able to help you out and I want to say thank you to you too for letting me know things are going better. You are absolutely right. Guys, especially as a teenager, come and go. Family is there forever and school is important if you want to make something of your life.
Good for you! and thanks again for your update.
Merry Christmas.
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Okay. So beginning of the summer I lost the only thing I "thought" mattered to me. I was a mess. We were broken up for a bout 2 months when I went to a concert and met someone else, we had so much in common as well has he had also been dating someone for a few years and they had broken up about 4 months ago. We ended up really hitting it off. He told me I was the most perfect girl did so much for me you know just really was the perfect guy. And I was the perfect girl for him. We ended up being in a relationship after talking for about a month and ran into his ex girlfriend at a club. Which was fine, till we saw her again the next weekend. & Then the next weekend he tells me hes still in love with her and wants to be with her...Well she really was just playting games with him and it made her upset that he was with another girl, so when he got rid of me she didnt wannt to be with him. So being the kind of person I am, I have just been there for him. He says hes miserable and all this stuff. I really just want my fun boy back...but Im not sure how to go abou it. I don't want him to think he can just have me after he did what he did to me. But at hte same time I dont want to turn into just a friend that he counts on. I know I should just forget about him and move on, but I understand where he came from because it was hard not to take my other ex back as well I know people are use to tehre "comphort zone" but I just really thought we brought out the best in eachother and I just want him backkkk. (link)
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You do run the risk of being the girl he can always depend on and turn to.
This sounds like a case of a couple of rebounders. You said your boyfriend was the only thing that mattered to you but you were only broken up for two months before you met this other guy. There is nothing wrong with breaking up and meeting someone new. The potential problems are; how quickly do you "fall in love" and how easy is it for you to move on? You run the risk of "falling in love" and then being heart broken quite a bit.
If this guy can't decide between you and his ex which it sounds as if this is his problem, even if you do bring out the best in each other you need to make him choose. He does not need to be stringing you along while he makes up his mind about his ex.
The thing that concerns me about him is he was with this girl for a few years and they only broke up 4 months ago. This is not enough time for the heart to heal. You did not mention how long you were with your boyfriend but you may not have healed either. This new guy may just be someone you get on with really well and since things were possibly rough at the end of your previous relationship, this new guy is a breath of fresh air and you feel really close to him. You may find, though, that once your heart heals from the other guy, you may not find the new guy quite as desireable, especially if he is still hanging on to his ex.
It would probably be best for you to give him his space for a while. There is a reason (or several) that they broke up. Let him sort though it. Let him figure out what it is he wants in life and you do the same.
One thing I say quite often is you need to know and love yourself before you can know and love someone else. You work on you and let him work on him. Think about the things you liked about your ex when you two first got together. Think about the things that tore you apart. Then think about these same things about the guy you recently met. Each guy is a learning experience. If you should end up not being with this second guy, then wait for a while until you find a guy that has all of these good attributes and none (or few) of those that you don't like.
Relationships are difficult to give advice on because when it comes to matters of the heart, we are often blind. It feels really good to be in love. It feels really bad to part. The better you know yourself the less you have to rely on someone else to make you happy. You can be happy just being you and a great guy can just add to that.
As I said, step back from the new guy so he can decide what it is he wants. If you meet someone new while he is still deciding... good for you. You are allowed to move on. If you are each other's rebounds, it might actually be healthy for you to forget both the ex and the guy from the concert. Find someone new altogether.
But work on you first. Let the guy be the bonus, not what makes you keep going. Once you are happy with just being you and living your life your life can take on a relationship and if it doesn't work out, at least you still have your life that you already loved before he came along.
Best of luck.
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today i cheated on my boyfriend of 8 months (don't tell me im a skank or anything like that because i obviously think i made a big mistake)
i was at my ex's house, seeing his sister and we sat down on his bed when his sis was downstairs, well he kissed me when i turned around and then i kissed back and i kept telling him no and i dont want to but he like kept guilt tripping me and saying nice things like i have pretty eyes and stuff well one thing let to another and we had sex for like a minute and he ended up cumming ha and like he didnt even tell me he was going to or anything he claims he took it out before he did but i dont know..
what do i do from here i seriously do love my boyfriend a lot and i want to stay with him but i dont know what to do next or who to tell or what to say?
please help me! (link)
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You need to take a step back and reexamine your feelings for both of these boys. Sex is not an accident. You could have stopped this other boy if you truely wanted to. You don't accidentally have sex with someone because they tell you you have pretty eyes. Something, perhaps subconscious said you wanted it, regardless of your saying no. If you live your boyfriend as much as you say then you realize he deserves better.
This is no longer about you, it is about your boyfriend. He has the right to know so he can make the choice to stay with you or not. You have already proven you cannot be trusted in the face of temptation. Your ex likely knows you have a boyfriend but did not respect that. He likely would not think twice about bragging to your boyfriend. Finding out from your ex will only hurt even more. He deserves the choice of moving on to someone he can trust or staying with you and trying to work things out.
I know this is probably not what you were hoping to hear but when you make mistakes you have to face the consequences. Accidents happen, but sex is not an accident.
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I've been feeling very grown apart from my best friends. It started about 3-4 weeks ago. I would always be the one asking them to hang out..and they just wouldn't answer my texts or say "I dunno i'll call you" and never get back to me. I kinda felt annoying calling them and being like "You never called me". I got really tired of it and just decided to let them invite me. The plan didn't work cause..they didn't invite me to anything. Then during school they would be like "Why didn't you come with us blah blah blah" and i'd be like "..You didn't ask me to". Also, my two friends like drinking and partying..and i'm just not into that. My birthday was about a week ago and i wanted to invite my 4 girl best friends and my guy best best friend (who isn't friends with the girls) to my house for dinner. There were so many problems with this plan though..1) My best guy friend is not friends with the girls and doesn't get along with them very well... 2) Me and my family were going out to dinner..and i feel really guiltly with the whole money crisis and the bad economy to have my parents pay for 5 of my friends. I didn't ask for anything for my birthday cause i really just wanted my parents to save money.
I ended up not asking my 4 best girl friends and just brought my best guy friend. My guy friend didn't know he wasn't supposed to tell my other friends..and i think they got really mad about it. Their not really talking to me and i feel really bad. My one friend just gives me mean looks and the other is short tempered with me but the other two are nice about it. I havn't said anything to them about it..and i'm kinda scared to. Their very judgemental and i don't think they'll beleive why i didn't invite them. I know its kinda like mean cause i've been friends with them longer..but i mean at least he always wants to hang out and calls me back.
I don't know what to do =\ (link)
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I want to start by commending you on your maturity and your unselfish nature regarding your parents and today's economy. Your parents should be so proud to have raised such a level headed kid!
As far as your girlfriends are concerned, it sounds like there is a misunderstanding here. They may or may not be NOT calling you back to be malicious but you should try to find out. I would advise speaking to each one individually. I would also do it face to face. Go to a neutral place; the mall, somewhere at school, whatever, but do not do it over the phone. Your own house is also a bit awkward as if an arguement follows, it makes their leaving even more melodramatic.
Discuss how you feel. Let them know that you were not trying to hurt their feelings when they weren't invited to your birthday dinner. You need to let them know you are feeling left out. They may not actually realize you feel that way and if they ARE leaving you out... they may not have even realized it.
It also does not help much that your friends are drinkers and you are not. I recommend certainly keeping your old friends but branch out a bit and find some that like to "party" more your style. I was never a drinker as a teen either but had some friends that were. I must say it is a lot more fun to hang out with people who have more in common in that respect. Friends who are different are great, don't get me wrong. But when it comes to really being able to let loose and enjoy yourself, it is not quite as easy to do it when drinking is involved.
First of all it sounds like an innocent reason for not inviting your girlfriends to your dinner but the reality is, it is YOUR business who you invite. They do not have the right to give you dirty looks. They don't have the right to be angry. I can imagine they may be a little jealous of your guy friend and you should talk to them about their feelings. It is important to respect their feelings- just don't apologize for what your decision was.
One little side thought, and this may NOT apply to you but I am going to throw it on the table, so to speak. I presume you are a teenager and if this is so, you need to remember that often teenagers do not have a true sense of their own emotions. You may be feeling down, a little blue, and you may project this onto your friends feeling they never call you, they must not like you or respect you anymore. Again, this may not be what is happening but try to consider this before you get too angry with them. They may not be being as rude as you initially thought.
I think all will end well if you get an opportunity to have a heart to heart with each one individually. Write a letter even and give to each one if you don't think you can handle talking to them or are concerned you may not say what you want to say verbally.
If things do not go well, don't be too upset about having to move on. You seem like a wonderful girl and deserve wonderful friends. I am certain that you will meet more people worthy of your friendship.
Best of luck.
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Can eleven year olds take prenatal vitamins. This is for my sister and she searched on the internet saying that that cand make her hair grow faster. So is it safe for her or take it or not? (link)
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Prenatal vitamins do do wonderful things such as make your fingernails stronger, make your hair grow faster and stronger.
HOWEVER, before an 11-year-old child takes anything in an adult dose I would ask her physician or pediatrician.
You had another person say crushed up in shampoo works... I cannot think of a reason that would be harmful, but before she ingests the vitamin, you need to check with a doctor. Prenatals are jam packed with tons of vitamins and at rather substantial doses to not only improve the health of a growing baby but also prepare the mother for labor and delivery. Many prenatals contain vitamins and minerals that cannot be taken in large amounts by children not the least of which is iron.
They can also occasionally have some nasty side effects such as vomiting and diarrhea (but this may be primarily caused by the raging hormone fluctuation of a pregnant woman added to the increase of vitamin intake).
Just be careful. At 11 she may feel all grown up but in the medical world, she is still just a kid.
Best of luck.
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Usually I'm the one advising in situations like this, but I'm too close to the person to have an objective viewpoint for this...so I need your help. He's 22. I'm 21.
As concise as I can make it, when he was younger, he had major depression problems, where he considered ending his life, until he wound up on antidepressants for four years. I met him in the last year of his medication stint. We dated while he came off of his pills, "broke up" when he wound up depressed again and went back on pills, and have had a very complicated relationship/friendship for three years.
Now, he has a couple of problems: a seriously injured ankle when he's a very active person, which forces him to basically sit around and do nothing (for the past almost three months) and...well, put simply, he has some major soreness problems every time we mess around, to the point that we have to stop. I'm trying to convince him to go to some doctor and ask questions, but he's too embarrassed. I don't know how to get him to do anything short of making an appointment for him myself.
I see him slipping back into depression, and I'm scared. I don't want him to go back on pills, and he doesn't want to either. He was a different person, and not in a good way. I'm afraid he's going to do something stupid. This man is the love of my life and my best friend - I'm in way over my head. I don't know how to help him except to be there for him and remind him things will get better, but he's not so easily convinced. He's very intelligent and stubborn.
What do I do? =( (link)
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I do not have the answer you are asking for, but I can offer this advice:
You said you are in over your head with this one and I tend to agree. This is his life (literally) that we are talking about. That means that unfortunately I don't think anyone at advicenators will be able to help entirely. This man needs a full mental health evaluation. He may not be able to go off of medications if he has a chemical imbalance. If he has been on and off of pills for years now, this is likely the case. What the actual cause and treatment for his imbalance may not have been correctly treated and may warrant a second opinion. What you CAN do here is strongly encourage him to get the assessments. He may be bipolar, he may have a hereditary issue he needs to have treated, but it certainly sounds like he is not just "depressed". There is a deeper underlying depression that needs attention.
As far as him not being able to do anything because of his ankle, there are a lot of people with worse conditions than an ankle that get out and do plenty. It sounds as if it is much more than an ankle issue but he needs to get out a few times a week for his mental health. If you need to, rent a wheel chair or purchase one, get a cane, just go for a drive... whatever- but he should not be just sitting around. That is not good for depression.
If he is unable to have sex because of pain- do everything else. Kiss him, nuzzle him, cuddle him, do what ever HE needs and wants to make him more fulfilled. Tease him. Laugh with him. Dress up in a sexy costume and dance around for him but do this to let him know you don't care if you cant have sex... you can still get close and you still love him.
The reason I don't think anyone from advicenators can help is someone who has contemplated suicide and could be going that route again needs to speak to someone face to face. Body language, tone of voice, a two way conversation is extremely important in a full assessment, not to mention he has 22 years of history and life experiences that simply cannot be expressed well on the computer. If he has a therapist, I recommend trying to convince him to up his appointments.
Again, if he has a true mental health issue, he may not be able to avoid medication... but he may not have been on the right one before.
Have him go to a doctor if necessary (for physical OR mental issues) that is out of town, a city or two over, 30-50 miles away that he will never see again. You should never feel too embarassed to take care of your health, therefore your life. We only get one chance.
I completely identify with the situation you are in. I am sorry I only have a tid-bit of advice rather than an answer.
Best of luck.
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26, male.
I've been with my girlfriend for five years. And lately, it just feels like we're killing each other slowly. And she has high hopes about us getting married. But I'm currently unemployed, and struggling just to get back out there. Throw in my low self-esteem, and other issues between us like religion, our families, and it's just so damn hard.
She almost walked out on me crying because she felt stupid for waiting for me. I managed to talk her down, and we're still together. But looking back, a part of me feels like she really would be better off without me.
I always look at my relationships as things to continue working on and trying to make work to the very end. Is it wrong that I keep trying to make this relationship work, or am I being selfish for not wanting to let her go? (link)
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You threw a lot out there in just three short paragraphs.
The following response is assuming you live together. If you are not, it still mostly applies. If you are living together you should commit or get out unless you are happy spending your entire relationship teetering on a shaky edge. The reality, regardless of your religious background is that when two people live together without being married they always have one foot out the door. They are in the relationship to love one another, be involved, work on the relationship, but if things get too bad, there is already one foot out the door and they can easily slip on out without it being too messy; divorce or division of belongings. This never allows for a completely secure feeling of being in a "committed relationship". Also, if you are IN a truly committed relationship (marriage), you took vows that you need to respect and keep. Therefore, if things are getting bad such as your unemployment... for better or worse. Vows do not really leave a lot of room for "getting out" except in death. That means committed relationships can be EXTREMELY difficult and often we spend time greatly disliking out partner. If we stick with though and work through the tough times, we end up loving our partner even more because we made it! This is where our society tends to go wrong... things get tough and they just can't be bothered. It's too hard. I'd rather just get out so I can start fresh.
Next, it definitely sounds like you need to work on your self esteem. I guarantee everyone you know has a self esteem issue of some sort. I tell you this not to minimize the way you feel but rather to impress that this is such a common issue that there are ways out there to get help. You can find a support group, read a self help book, seek therapy, find a friend who you can really trust to help you in this situation. My other 100% guarantee is that while I don't know what your specific esteem problems are, you are NOT as lazy, stupid, ugly, fat, boring, whatever as you think you are. You sound like a very good person to be emotionally involved with. You said above "I always look at my relationships as things to continue working on and trying to make work to the very end."
My problem with that statement is the fact that you try to work on them to the very end... this suggests that there is always an end. Why? Why haven't you committed yet to anyone, especially this girl you have been with for 5 years? You don't need to answer me, but you deserve to figure this out about yourself and this girl deserves an answer.
I am reading a book on relationships (not surprising given my chosen profession). It is a great book that I recommend strongly to all married couples, and couples considering marriage. The author of "laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage", Mark Gungor comments that our society has gotten focused on the mythological ideas of Zeus. I won't go into it fully here as this is going to be long enough without that but Zeus is our reason for thinking there is a "soul mate", someone SPECIFIC for EVERYONE. We bounce around from person to person until we can find that "other half" that "completes" us. The truth is, that is a MYTH. What we should actually be doing is preparing ourselves emotionally, spiritually, physically, morally, etc. so that we could be suited to anyone who has the same values, morals, etc. as ourselves. I don't really know how this applies to you but I had the need to share it. Basically, this girl is likely not "meant" for you, but you two chose each other 5 years ago... so now what?
Being unemployed does make it a bit more difficult. You naturally want to be able to "provide" for your family and not start off being in an incredibly difficult situation. I respect that. That being said, everything completly important in life seems to have a string of excuses that keep us from commiting. For example; We aren't getting married until we graduate or have that great job. We aren't having children until the timing is just right. Of course things do need to be at a certain level of "right" but this is not a perfect world. If you love this girl, want to spend the rest of your life with her (and being with her for 5 years you should know the answer to this by now), what are you waiting for? If you are not... what are you hanging on for?
My last comments will be about your statement, "Throw in my low self-esteem, and other issues between us like religion, our families, and it's just so damn hard." Sometimes we can get involved in relationships that are less that desirable. If the two of you have nothing in common; different religions, different family lives or families that don't welcome the other, are these obstacles you will be able to overcome? Family means everything. If your family does not approve of this girl... there is a good possibility there is a reason. If you two are each strong in your faiths but your faiths are different... you need to consider how this could affect a marriage 10 years from now... 20 years from now.
The gist of all of this is... you need to focus on why you and this girl are still dating after 5 years (you should realistically have known years ago if you wanted to be with her forever) and not married. If she wants marriage and you have no intentions, perhaps you should keep her best interest in mind.
Relationships are the most difficult things in our lives. They take a lot of work. I hope if nothing else I gave you some questions you can answer for yourself and decide what is best for you and your girlfriend.
Best of luck.
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i just started highschool, and there is this guy who i liked. I ended up finding out that he liked me too because he told my best friend. He later on then asked me out, which i regret because everything was moving way too fast. Especially because we didn't really know each other. A week after we'd been going out, my friend started geting too involved in my boyfriend and i's relationship...example...She felt it necessary to read every note he wrote to me, and the ones i wrote him. I told her not to read everynote because honestly, she didn't need to do that.....this relationship was not built on 3 people....just two, me and him. i told her she could read the notes only if i was to say, "hey, look at this" not her always demanding to read. my boyfriend and I don't have any classes together accept one. We don't see each other much in classes, plus we can't hang out because he's not old enough to hang out till he's 16 + he has strict parents. Anyway, my best friend was flirting with my boyfriend before me and my boyfriend were going out, and i told her not to do it. She denied flirting with him and trying to take him away from me, and she promised to watch herself. After my boyfriend and I started going out, my other group of friends started noticing that my best friend was flirting with him, so they told me. I confronted my boyfriend about it, and he said he thought she liked him but not to worry because he liked me. Then I confronted my friend about it, she got pissed at me, and then i looked like the bad person. My friends who told me were on her side now, and I felt like I had done something wrong. After all this, everything was fixed, and now my boyfriend and I are still going, but i feel this distance between my boyfriend and I. I feel like we just don't seem right together. And a part of me thinks he likes my best friend because everytime we are all three together, he talks to her more than me, and when we leave the one class we have together, and my bestfriend is leaving, he goes and leaves with her when i'm still trying to get my books into my bag or whatever....and it bugs me because he is supposed to be waiting for me. Even when he's saying something, he will be making more eye contact with her than me. I'm so sure he likes her. And i feel like she is a fucking back stabber because she has let everything go as far as it has. If i can feel and see it, I bet that if i can feel all this, they can see it too, and its so obvious.....I'm so confused with everything that I'm wondering what you guys think is really going on with him or her even me...i don't know if i'm maybe going too overboard...anyways.... thank you for replying!:) (link)
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Being in a relationship in high school is probably the most difficult task, ever.
If you have the feeling that you and your boyfriend are growing apart, then perhaps it is time for the relationship to end.
I think that is the most common question high school girls ask is "how can I keep her from stealing my boyfriend?" The reality is... if she wants to- she shouldn't be your friend and if he CAN be stolen... he should be.
If you can't trust your boyfriend to be there for you and be a trustworthy, caring companion then he is not worth keeping.
The whole point of dating in high school is to try to get an idea of what you like in boys so you can eventually find the right person when you are a bit older that you want to spend the rest of your life with.
If you are constantly under stress that your boyfriend may leave you for another girl... let him. He is not worth the time of day. Eventually you will meet someone who only has eyes for you and it doesn't matter who crosses his path, he only cares about you. If you are with someone less worthy, you may not be available to notice this other great guy because you are preoccupied with the guy who is causing you to be upset!
If another girl is after him, let her have him. Eventually yet another girl will be after him and he will leave her as well and then SHE too will be empty handed.
This is all quite difficult to do when you are in high school and your hormones are raging and you think there is nothing more important in your life than your social life.
If you are concerned about this guy leaving you and you want to put a little effort into keeping him, I suggest you be completely open with him about being hurt that he doesn't wait for you and whatever else bothers you.
One thing I want to mention- this applies more to grown up relationships; those that are meant to last a lifetime but I frequently think teens should hear this too... Women often have too high expectations of what their man should be like. Men are NOT women. They are not constantly thinking about us as we feel they should be. They are not always focused on our emotions and what would make US happy as we feel they should be. They don't want to walk around in a crowd being all giggley. They like to kinda hang out with a couple of buddies and not really talk about anything important. That is just how they are. We women sometimes misinterpret this as our man no longer cares about us. Not true. They are just not showing us what we want to be shown. Once women realize this, we can cut our men some slack and all be happier.
I hope this helps.
Best of luck.
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