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Friend with a suicidal past experiencing present problems.
Usually I'm the one advising in situations like this, but I'm too close to the person to have an objective viewpoint for this...so I need your help. He's 22. I'm 21.
As concise as I can make it, when he was younger, he had major depression problems, where he considered ending his life, until he wound up on antidepressants for four years. I met him in the last year of his medication stint. We dated while he came off of his pills, "broke up" when he wound up depressed again and went back on pills, and have had a very complicated relationship/friendship for three years.
Now, he has a couple of problems: a seriously injured ankle when he's a very active person, which forces him to basically sit around and do nothing (for the past almost three months) and...well, put simply, he has some major soreness problems every time we mess around, to the point that we have to stop. I'm trying to convince him to go to some doctor and ask questions, but he's too embarrassed. I don't know how to get him to do anything short of making an appointment for him myself.
I see him slipping back into depression, and I'm scared. I don't want him to go back on pills, and he doesn't want to either. He was a different person, and not in a good way. I'm afraid he's going to do something stupid. This man is the love of my life and my best friend - I'm in way over my head. I don't know how to help him except to be there for him and remind him things will get better, but he's not so easily convinced. He's very intelligent and stubborn.
What do I do? =(
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Hi:
I am going to speak from experience. After many years of being diagnosed with clinical depression (by my primary care physician), I was finally (and correctly) diagnosed with bipolar disorder after getting help from a mental health provider.
For over 10 years, I was on medication for depression. This medication was the root cause of my desire (and attempt) at suicide. It was not until I saw the right medical provider that I was properly diagnosed.
Your friend needs you to help him see that he needs to get the help he needs. Do you know his parents? If so, let them know what is going on. If not, get their number and make contact. Regardless, if this young man is your friend, DO NOT disregard what he is telling you. It is a cry for help.
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I do not have the answer you are asking for, but I can offer this advice:
You said you are in over your head with this one and I tend to agree. This is his life (literally) that we are talking about. That means that unfortunately I don't think anyone at advicenators will be able to help entirely. This man needs a full mental health evaluation. He may not be able to go off of medications if he has a chemical imbalance. If he has been on and off of pills for years now, this is likely the case. What the actual cause and treatment for his imbalance may not have been correctly treated and may warrant a second opinion. What you CAN do here is strongly encourage him to get the assessments. He may be bipolar, he may have a hereditary issue he needs to have treated, but it certainly sounds like he is not just "depressed". There is a deeper underlying depression that needs attention.
As far as him not being able to do anything because of his ankle, there are a lot of people with worse conditions than an ankle that get out and do plenty. It sounds as if it is much more than an ankle issue but he needs to get out a few times a week for his mental health. If you need to, rent a wheel chair or purchase one, get a cane, just go for a drive... whatever- but he should not be just sitting around. That is not good for depression.
If he is unable to have sex because of pain- do everything else. Kiss him, nuzzle him, cuddle him, do what ever HE needs and wants to make him more fulfilled. Tease him. Laugh with him. Dress up in a sexy costume and dance around for him but do this to let him know you don't care if you cant have sex... you can still get close and you still love him.
The reason I don't think anyone from advicenators can help is someone who has contemplated suicide and could be going that route again needs to speak to someone face to face. Body language, tone of voice, a two way conversation is extremely important in a full assessment, not to mention he has 22 years of history and life experiences that simply cannot be expressed well on the computer. If he has a therapist, I recommend trying to convince him to up his appointments.
Again, if he has a true mental health issue, he may not be able to avoid medication... but he may not have been on the right one before.
Have him go to a doctor if necessary (for physical OR mental issues) that is out of town, a city or two over, 30-50 miles away that he will never see again. You should never feel too embarassed to take care of your health, therefore your life. We only get one chance.
I completely identify with the situation you are in. I am sorry I only have a tid-bit of advice rather than an answer.
Best of luck.
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