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What happened to me?
when i was 4, i remember my grandpa doing some weird things. i am now 16 and have thought about it all these years. i dont remember it too clearly but i remember things that he did like pull his dick out of his pants and then put me on his lap on top of it. he did other weird stuff like that. its really weird between us now but i only see him once a year because he lives in another country. but he does things like smack my butt or put his arm around me. he doesnt do any of the stuff he did when i was a little kid though. is this considered molesting or anything? and how would this effect me now in life? thanks!
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I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. And yes, that would be considered sexual assault. As a victim of sexual assault myself, I can tell you that victims deal with it in different ways. But it is completely normal to be thinking about it now, because you never fully healed from it. By healing, I mean taking the proper steps in dealing with it. Along with the other sites suggested, I'm going to suggest another site for you to check out: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location). It's an amazing site for survivors of rape & sexual assault. I'm a member there, & it has helped me tremendously. Everyone there is so supportive, & there are so many people who have dealt with similar things, so they can all relate. They have tons of categories, including healing steps. They also have a chat room where you can talk to other survivors. I'd highly recommend checking it out, it's so helpful.
Also, you might want to talk to a therapist, if that works for you.
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What you remember from childhood is absolutely without a doubt considered sexual abuse.
As far as smacking your rear, I personally consider this inappropriate behavior of a grandfather. Certainly this depends on the relationship between grandchild and grandfather. My own grandfather would NEVER smack my rear end... but given your history, this is definitely not acceptable.
It does not sound as if anything was done about this years ago when it first happened. This is unfortunate as you should have had help and support but also, you may not be the only one.
If there are other children susceptible to this behavior, it is important you find someone you can trust to tell this to as this cycle of abuse needs to stop.
I am personally aware of the implications of childhood sexual abuse on an adult. This will almost certainly affect how you behave and perceive all future relationships.
I can't begin here on an advice column to give you nearly enough information about what has happened to you, what may happen to you, what you need to do to prepare yourself for adult relationships after childhood trauma. This is a huge deal and I really think you should begin by finding a therapist or support group where you can open up about your own trauma.
There is a website you can visit for a start. There is a warning that pops up before you enter (or at least for me there is) that states there may be materials in the site that can be a trigger and for your first visit you should have a support person there in case this triggers you emotionally. Anyway, the site is havoca which stands for help for the adult victim of child abuse. Here is the link:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
There is also the gatehouse at
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
And of course there are books out there if you go to your library or bookstore and look at the self-help section.
I strongly urge you to find a local support group at a church or other safe organization or a therapist if you are able (I realize you are only 16 so you may have to go through your parents for this).
There are so many avenues here that need to be brought up that may have always been a family secret. Such as, your grandfather is either Mom's or Dad's dad... was Mom or Dad affected too? Do you have cousins or aunts or uncles who may have had this done? Perhaps someone else's life within your family could be helped by your coming out to Mom or Dad with this.
The downside is the risks of angering someone. But this is why I advise you to seek a professional group to help you with the best ways to go about this whole thing.
You also need to understand what a relationship is supposed to be like and how to personally behavie in one. You may "feel" fairly normal given this happened so long ago, but the reality is this has shaped your brain; your mind, your emotions, your concept of certain aspects of life that you may not even realize yet such as work and school.
I hope you are able to follow through with some of this and get the help you deserve.
Best of luck.
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