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stuck in the middle.
Okay. So beginning of the summer I lost the only thing I "thought" mattered to me. I was a mess. We were broken up for a bout 2 months when I went to a concert and met someone else, we had so much in common as well has he had also been dating someone for a few years and they had broken up about 4 months ago. We ended up really hitting it off. He told me I was the most perfect girl did so much for me you know just really was the perfect guy. And I was the perfect girl for him. We ended up being in a relationship after talking for about a month and ran into his ex girlfriend at a club. Which was fine, till we saw her again the next weekend. & Then the next weekend he tells me hes still in love with her and wants to be with her...Well she really was just playting games with him and it made her upset that he was with another girl, so when he got rid of me she didnt wannt to be with him. So being the kind of person I am, I have just been there for him. He says hes miserable and all this stuff. I really just want my fun boy back...but Im not sure how to go abou it. I don't want him to think he can just have me after he did what he did to me. But at hte same time I dont want to turn into just a friend that he counts on. I know I should just forget about him and move on, but I understand where he came from because it was hard not to take my other ex back as well I know people are use to tehre "comphort zone" <sp?> but I just really thought we brought out the best in eachother and I just want him backkkk.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You do run the risk of being the girl he can always depend on and turn to.
This sounds like a case of a couple of rebounders. You said your boyfriend was the only thing that mattered to you but you were only broken up for two months before you met this other guy. There is nothing wrong with breaking up and meeting someone new. The potential problems are; how quickly do you "fall in love" and how easy is it for you to move on? You run the risk of "falling in love" and then being heart broken quite a bit.
If this guy can't decide between you and his ex which it sounds as if this is his problem, even if you do bring out the best in each other you need to make him choose. He does not need to be stringing you along while he makes up his mind about his ex.
The thing that concerns me about him is he was with this girl for a few years and they only broke up 4 months ago. This is not enough time for the heart to heal. You did not mention how long you were with your boyfriend but you may not have healed either. This new guy may just be someone you get on with really well and since things were possibly rough at the end of your previous relationship, this new guy is a breath of fresh air and you feel really close to him. You may find, though, that once your heart heals from the other guy, you may not find the new guy quite as desireable, especially if he is still hanging on to his ex.
It would probably be best for you to give him his space for a while. There is a reason (or several) that they broke up. Let him sort though it. Let him figure out what it is he wants in life and you do the same.
One thing I say quite often is you need to know and love yourself before you can know and love someone else. You work on you and let him work on him. Think about the things you liked about your ex when you two first got together. Think about the things that tore you apart. Then think about these same things about the guy you recently met. Each guy is a learning experience. If you should end up not being with this second guy, then wait for a while until you find a guy that has all of these good attributes and none (or few) of those that you don't like.
Relationships are difficult to give advice on because when it comes to matters of the heart, we are often blind. It feels really good to be in love. It feels really bad to part. The better you know yourself the less you have to rely on someone else to make you happy. You can be happy just being you and a great guy can just add to that.
As I said, step back from the new guy so he can decide what it is he wants. If you meet someone new while he is still deciding... good for you. You are allowed to move on. If you are each other's rebounds, it might actually be healthy for you to forget both the ex and the guy from the concert. Find someone new altogether.
But work on you first. Let the guy be the bonus, not what makes you keep going. Once you are happy with just being you and living your life your life can take on a relationship and if it doesn't work out, at least you still have your life that you already loved before he came along.
Best of luck.
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