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AM I CRAZY?!?!?!?!
i have never cut myself before and i dont think i have a mental problem or anything like that, but i have burned myself with a curling iron or punched myself or bit my lip really hard. i dont know why i do this. its not because i like seeing blood or it feels like some kind of release. i do it for attention, like when i had a big burn mark on my arm, i liked how everyone felt bad for me. and i scratched my face and told everyone i had fallen on the street. i have alot of friends and im the class clown so everyone knows me and always give me attention. im always cracking jokes or being obnoxious and everyone always laughs and gives me a ton of attention. but i still keep hurting myself. maybe i like them to feel bad for me or somethig? i dont know. and whenever me and my boyfriend get in a fight or my mom gets pissed at me, i think about killing myself. but not because i want to escape everything, more because it would make everyone so upset and feel bad for me. like i actually thought about them all crying at my funeral and stuff n how the feeling of being missed would be so good. the only thing that stopped me was that i wouldnt be alive to see them missing me so there isnt really a point in doing that. i dont know why i want so much attention. i thought that maybe it was because my boyfriend has started being an asshole to me and its killing me inside. we were so in love and then he just didnt seem to care or love me anymore. so i thought maybe i was trying to make him feel bad for me or love me again.i am kinda weirding myself out over here haha please help, i dont want to keep hurting myself
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I wouldnt say you are crazy, but you are hurting yourself and that is NOT OKAY. It is bad and it will turn into something worse if you do not take control of the sitatuion. I understand you may want attention but the way you are going about doing it is not healthy. I am sorry your boyfriend is being a jerk, but you are hurting yourself to get attention. We all like to be the center, but you cannot always be the most important person in the room or the funniest, its good sometimes, but you are obsessing with being loved by everyone. We all want to be loved, thats not the problem, the problem is the way you are going about doing it. My suggestion would be to talk to an adult, maybe a parent or a teacher or a counselor someone you can trust, and someone who will understand where you are coming from.
One more thing, the more you injure yourself the faster people will catch on that you are purposely hurting yourself, because you cannot hurt yourself with a new scar every single day, eventually people will see right past it, my suggestion would be to seek help because as you said you dont want to hurt yourself, which means psychologically you are punishing yourself. I would seek help because maybe it be more clearer to you as to why oyu are doing it.
Good luck! And please no that you are a beautiful person you do not need to hurt yourself, your true friends and family will love you no matter what. :)
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Whether you are actually cutting yourself or not, what you are doing is called self-injury and this is a big problem which can lead to an even worse problem.
Self injury can be done by anyone, anytime, anywhere... but is typically done by teenage girls and young adult girls. It is done because you don't have better coping skills when things get rough and sometimes it is done because you may think if you feel the pain on the outside, when it heals, you may be better.
You said you have a lot of friends and are the class clown. This is great! Congratulations on having a large social network. However, even the most popular people have their personal problems. You probably really need to have a bonding moment with Mom or Dad. Mom loves you and would love to help you... if she knew. She can help you find a place that can teach you different coping strategies!
To be perfectly honest... if your boyfriend is causing you this much distress... lose him. Especially this day and age, it is (not impossible) uncommon for high school sweethearts to spend the rest of their lives together, be married, have children, and so on.
You are allowed to be happy. If something makes you unhappy, change it.
You mentioned you like the attention you get when you have a burn mark or a scratch. If you were in a support group or therapist session, you would probably be asked to ask yourself two questions and really try to get to the bottom of why you do this. The first question would be, what do you think people would think or feel if they knew you did this to yourself? and secondly, why do you need this attention so badly?
More than likely the answers are some combination of your friends and family would be sad that you feel you have to do this to yourself. You would no longer be lying to them or yourself but rather telling them that you have a problem that needs help and you don't know how else to ask for this help. You are a popular person, a class clown even and yet this is not enough attention for you. You are missing it from somewhere or someone else that is very important to you (and I doubt your boyfriend is the answer).
This is not something that is easily cured overnight. You have an illness that needs treatment just like a drug addict needs help, alcoholics, etc. You have control over how you injur yourself where you may not have control over another aspect of your life. But this is not healthy.
I want you to look over a website, and perhaps even print out the information to have with you for a discussion with Mom. This is very important. Mom needs to know. You are obviously a friendly, fantastic person who just needs a help and Mom wants to be there for you. If not mom, an aunt or dad or an uncle or grandma or grandpa... but someone.
My suggestion is to print out this information and give it to the person to look over. Then very seriously mention " I am concerned I have this problem and I need your help to overcome this".
The website is:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
You deserve the best life has to offer. You can move beyond this and find the true, happy self that you may not be feeling right now. You can get there! You have a lot of friends. If you have just one that you can trust enough with this plus telling a family member you love and trust, these people will be there to help pull you out of this. Don't worry about doing it alone. We all need support with some aspect of our lives!!! It can be a tough world out there.
Best of luck.
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