"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone." - Audrey Hepburn
I came to this site for advice about a man and love. That very question turned my entire world around and I have had my eyes opened to things I never noticed before.
I've stayed here so that I can share the knowledge I do have. I know I'm not changing the world but I do hope that I spark others to open their eyes.
"The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself." - Oscar Wilde
So, if you learn something from what I say then repeat it to someone else who can use it.
I hope that if you see an answer of mine that you enjoy it will inspire you to go out of your way to give good, solid information. Provide links for further information, detail your responses, encourage people to seek out professionals when it's needed, and stop sugar-coating responses and just say the truth.
I hope that even if you absolutely hate my answer that it'll kick start your brain. Hopefully you'll begin taking your time to respond instead of hurried answers that are useless to an already confused person.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost
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in 14, 9th grade
ive been with my bf for 4 mnthsss and i gave him a hj
am i like, a whore? am i too young? has it been long enough going out? i mean were pretty serious. idk i think im just paranoid. i mean i know he has no stds and he truely cares about me, and i truely care about him. im like, the only girl hes been with. i only told my best friend and shes like ahh ew never do that again! and i didnt think it was bad. she never did it before so yeah idk if shes just skeeved out by the idea. so yeah, um opinions on the situation?
should i do it again? if i do, how can i do it better? ;]
thankss
ps sorry this is all over the place haaha (link)
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If you question an activity as being "slutty" or "whorish" then it is, nine times out of ten, a slutty, whorish behavior/activity. If you have to question it, then there's a reason why you feel that way. Sometimes your conscience is screaming at you even when you don't want to listen. Most people who ask questions like this to a pool of people they feel do the same thing are simply looking for psychological relief for their guilt of being perceived as a slut for the bad activities they do. (Associates degree in psychology taught me this.)
To me it sounds like your conscience is screaming at you that you ARE doing whorish behavior and that you ARE too young for this. Adult situations like sexual activities leads to adult consequences. It may sound like a meaningless, harmless behavior at first but when someone winds up going too far, developing an infection or odd bumps, or something that is equally as frightening then you can realize just how adult you needed to be.
I say listen to your conscience right now and find other ways to spend your time with your boyfriend of only four months.
You can prove your love in so many ways. It's a shame that teens don't realize that now. You don't need to throw your bodies around in sexual activities to prove love, care, or whatever else. My suggestion for the time being is simply this:
Make memories of your youth while you can.
When you're older you'll have something to say. Your grandchildren will all sit around, wanting you to tell them about the time you and grandpa went out and did this and that. They'll come to you advice on how to make their own relationships work and you'll be able to say, "It isn't about having sex. It isn't about saying you're going to marry them. It's about life, love, and making lasting memories together."
I feel sad that a lot of the teenagers now won't have a "how we met" story other than, "We met at a party and starting making out and had sex." I feel sad that teenagers will have to say, "I was engaged to 3 guys before he asked me and we got married." I feel sad that they won't have anything to say about what they did together other than, "Well, we we could see each other, we had sex. Sometimes with a condom, sometimes without. We had a few pregnancy scares." I feel sad that they will have to tell their own children things like, "No, your mother/father wasn't my first sexually. I lost my virginity when I was 13 to this one guy/girl. I had been with 13 people prior to your mother/father." I feel sad that most teenagers, when adults, won't have any advice to give their children in relationships other than, "Well, if you love him then you two should have sex." How silly does that one sound?
Go roller-blading.
See concerts.
Go to the park and watch old people in love.
Lay on the ground and look at the clouds.
Go on movie dates.
Share a milkshake.
Read books together.
Go have a few double-dates with your best friend.
Volunteer together.
Talk to strangers together and see if you can help brighten their day.
Help each other grow.
Don't worry about sex.
The time will come when that will be important.
The time is not now.
Be 14.
Be 15.
Be 16.
Be 17.
Be 18.
Be 19.
Be 20.
Be 21.
Enjoy your youth while you can, and look back to laugh and smile at the good, wholesome memories.
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me.
P.S. For a very, very last note: Virgins can very well have STDs. Fingering, handjobs, and blowjobs can all spread STDs, two of the most commonly spread by these activities is herpes and HPV--which can live deep under your FINGERNAILS.
Seeing how serious this actually is yet?
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f/17 okay so i was at a party the other night and i got completley wasted i dnt remember anything and theres a rumor going around that i slept w/ 4 guys but thats not me iv worked very hard to keep my reputation up i dnt no what to do or say i mean personally i think it should be counted as rape or something!! (link)
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This is a pretty easy one:
Ask each guy if you two did something--anything--together at the party you both attended.
If you're unsure of who the guys are then ASK AROUND! If everyone already believes you've had drunken sex with four guys then most of them, if not all, know the names of the guys too.
Getting extremely wasted when you're 17 (or 21 or 35 or 80) and expecting good results is not very responsible.
If you were so very, very drunk that you cannot recall getting to the point of sex then how do you know you weren't all flirty with the guy(s)? If the guy was drinking too then maybe he thought you genuinely wanted to "be" with him. If he was drinking too then maybe he misinterpreted a few drunken giggles as heavy flirting signs.
This being said, you may have NOT been taken advantage of. Your best bet on this is to talk to the guy that may or may not have taken advantage of you. He may seriously have thought you wanted to have sex with him because he was also under the influence. Remember we do not make good judgment when drunken. He could be just as "innocent" or "guilty" as you are. Do not label this as "being taken advantage of" until you find out (from the guy or guys) if he had been drinking or not. Remember also that one beer can get some people drunken so the amount is not really a concern of yours.
So, that being said, you need to stop labeling this as "taken advantage of" and start labeling as "made very poor choices." Putting the blame onto someone else when you don't even know the ENTIRE story is not very nice. It's just fine to take the blame and admit to making some bad calls while under the influence. Everyone knows alcohol makes things seems smaller than what they are until you sober up and realize that those very things are huge.
Next, you need to stop drinking. Getting "completely wasted" is not a good sign. Getting a little tipsy at a party is alright but going as far as to not recall the party is overboard for any age. You are putting yourself in very bad situations, especially when everyone around you is also drinking/drunken. It sounds like you're not making good choices so you really do need to cut alcohol out of your life until you mature a bit more. This screams of getting worse in a short period of time.
Ask the guys what their stories are about what happened and go from there. Your reputation may be tainted for now but if you learn to behave better then I'm sure things will clear back up and you'll get some of your dignity back.
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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Ok so I'm 15/f/virgin.
I've been fingered but lately my you know whattt has been itching and burning and there's like little bumps everywhere. Idk if it's from shaving or not? So I was wondering if I can get an STD or infection from my bf fingering me? Thanks (link)
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HPV, herpes, and other various STDs can get under a person's nails and live for some time since it's fairly warm and slightly moist there--the perfect environment. Even if you wash your hands the virus could be deeply embedded so far back that you cannot properly reach the full extent of it. The virus, of course, will grow a little under the nails so that it will reach outward enough to be spread into/onto various parts of your body. So, putting fingers near a vagina IS a health risk. It is VERY possible you've contract herpes (based on your description).
(*Note that virgins can have STDs & STIs too.)
This being said, about 80% of the United States population is currently infected with one or both of the strains of herpes. Now that you realize just how easily it is spread, maybe you can understand how serious this sort of thing can get.
Please, see your doctor immediately for a full STD test (blood test; make sure to specifically request BOTH STRAINS of herpes). Tell them about the bumps, itching, and burning and allow them to do a light swabbing of the area.
If you are infected then it means you're at risk of giving it to your partner. If you give it to a partner you have not told about your STD infection and they contract it then they can sue you. If you are not on special herpes treatment when you, eventually, become pregnant down the road then your child can be born blind or, even worse, dead.
This is serious and shouldn't be delayed. Pick up the phone NOW before things get more serious. Even if it isn't herpes this is NOT normal and shouldn't be left alone.
Lastly, yes, sometimes shaving will cause some bumps but not "everywhere" down there. It's usually one bump here or there and that's that. Please, do not just assume this is a shaving rash.
Please, get tested and make sure everything is okay. If turns out to just be a rash then the doctor may be able to give you some tips on lessening these irritating symptoms.
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me!
P.S. If it IS herpes then you might want to check out some of my previous answers to other users' questions:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=547802
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So, every time I get my period, I get one big bump in my outer labia. I guess I just noticed last month, and I got another this month too, all on my right side. They aren't the kind of bumps I can pop either, since they're under the skin. It hurts like hell too, but only when I accidentally touch it. What could this be? (link)
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[EDITED TO ADD: As per your feedback, if you plan to EVER have sex with anyone--male or female--in any fashion (yes, even oral sex or mutual masturbation) then be prepared to spread this if it is herpes. Also note that many children are not actually "planned" and I'd really hate to think that you'd have to give birth to a dead child because you were too "afraid of needles" to make sure everything was okay.
I understand being afraid of something but when it has to do with the health of you, your future sexual partners, and possible future children then it is serious and not to be toyed with.
The bump going away after a couple of days is also a sign that it is probably not just a pimple or small pocket of infection. Herpes tends to make an area swell up for a short period of time while a pocket of infection or a pimple wouldn't just disappear or dramatically shrink after a two or three days.
Please, reconsider.]
Well, it could be as simple as a pocket of infection, but it, most likely, just isn't because these tend to NOT be located in the region you're talking about.
I don't know any other way to say this but just going on and flat-out saying it. What you're describing sounds like mild herpes outbreaks (probably HSV-2 since it's on your genitals). Many women only tend to experience outbreaks, especially if it's genital herpes, during their menstruation.
Herpes can be contracted by many, many different ways. Even unwashed hands can transmit it from person to person or body part to body part. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of cases where INFANTS are infected with herpes on/near their genitals during simple diaper changes.
So you realize how common this is, 80% of the Unite States population is currently infected with herpes.
Herpes can be spread through oral sex, anal sex, and penis-in-vagina sex. It can even be spread when you use condoms.
Most of the time herpes will break open and leak some clearish fluid. This is a fairly painless process; however, the area itself make be sensitive to touch. Being an infected person myself, sometimes the outbreak does not pop, just puffs out into a painful sore and then disappears within a few days.
When you experience the outbreak--period or not--make an appointment to see the doctor. They can blood test you and (make sure to tell them you're on your period) possible do a light scraping to test the area. This is very, very important. If you do have herpes on your genitals then your future children are at risk of being born blind (or even dead :( ) if you're on special treatment during pregnancy. If you do have herpes and you do not inform a partner about your STD and they contract it from you then they can sue you for body damages.
Please, see your doctor about this. Request a FULL STD screening that includes both strains of herpes (you may have to actually request this because SOME doctors look over this test).
None of this has been said to scare you but only to inform you of the possible severity of what you are describing. If all of this does turn out to be herpes then you might want to check out some of my previous answers to other users' questions:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=547802
Please, see your doctor about this...it is NOT normal.
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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I just masturbated again. I feel so horibble! I just want to die. I feel like God will never forgiive me. Some one just kill me. I feel like a whore. Some one help me please. Oh my dear God please help me. I feel like such a horibble person. HELP ME!!!!! What can I do. I feel horrible. Will someone please tell me how to stop this? (link)
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You need to pray to God for forgiveness and mean what you say to him about discontinuing this bad behavior. God forgives if you're sincere about it.
First off, YOU are ALLOWING yourself to do these things. You CAN make yourself stop doing this if you honestly put forth the effort. Addiction is hard but the first step is admitting that something is wrong with what you are doing. You are there. The next step is start making changes.
You should throw away all of your porn. THROW IT AWAY. Don't second guess or keep one or two things hidden from yourself. Completely get rid of it. The trash is sitting in the other room, most likely, so go shove your porn items in it and take it out to the trash bin and leave it alone from there. (In addition: This applies to going on your computer and completely deleting all pornographic material your have.) Spend your money on more useful things--even if that means giving people in need your own money, which is called charity (and we know God wants us to give more to others).
In regards to television and movies, watch for the rating beforehand. Do not sit down and put yourself in a situation where you will be seeing sexual contact, which may trigger your addiction. Check out the rating system for television broadcasts:
http://www.tvguidelines.org/
...and for movies:
http://www.filmratings.com/
Alter your lifestyle. If you spent 2 hours online looking at porn or masturbating, block porn websites and images (child-safety block yourself just to help fight off urges) and try to lessen your time online. If you absolutely MUST be online then do not ALLOW yourself to stray from your work. This means if you need to get a paper done then only do the paper (and don't sign online), and if you need to research information for that paper then ONLY research that information and then disconnect.
If you're getting tempted then get up and take a break and do something to help others (or even pick up your Bible). It may also help to get down on your knees and pray to God, asking Him for strength to fight the urge for the moment and to lead you in the right direction.
Spend the time on God and His will that you had spent looking at porn and masturbating. Become an active member in a church you believe is doing right. This may be helpful in finding that church:
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew%2025;&version=9;
Spend your time doing these things listed in the Bible. Spend time at soup kitchens helping the hungry, volunteer at shelters, visit the elderly in homes so they're not as lonely (not everyone has visitors and just about everyone has neat stories to tell), read Bible passages to younger children, donate your time to what needs you, and do whatever you can with that time. There are so many things you SHOULD be doing with your time that you are neglecting because of your addiction.
If you STILL feel you need help because you think temptation is still going to get the best of you (which means you are not putting your time to GOOD use) then maybe you should look into some sort of therapy. There are therapy groups for a lots of varieties of addicts.
Next, you should start right now--not later, not tomorrow, not next week. Get up and make some calls to see see where you would be allowed to volunteer at a couple of nights a week. Find out when visiting hours are at nursing homes and hospitals. Get your information.
Make yourself useful.
Help others the way God wishes we all would.
Picking up the Bible and taking time to read it is also very wonderful so you may want to set aside time each night to read a bit. Any way it is, the time you spend looking at porn or masturbating needs to be redirected to time you spend doing God's will.
This will be a tough path at first but you will definately get the hang of it if you hold your ground. Don't give into temptation and disappoint God when he has big plans for you. He wants to see you in the Kingdom of Heaven.
I hope I've helped you kick your addiction; however, it's mostly up to you and how much effort you are willing to putting into discontinuing your previous activities. If you aren't honestly serious about kicking your habit then you aren't going to succeed so when you start this be serious and strict with yourself.
I wish you well and hope to see you answering questions here down the road, helping other people stop with their own addiction. If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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so 17f
I masterbate, never had sex, but do watch porn. Is watching porn bad? I never really understood if it was or not. Sometimes I feel like I am betraying god, other times I say to myself I am not doing anything bad. opinions, anything please! (link)
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I think if you are guilty because you feel you're betraying God with a specific behavior then you should stop doing it and pray for forgiveness. God has given up the right to choose between good and bad and, with that, ability to feel guilt when choosing something harmful. If you feel that your behavior MIGHT be bad then you really need to sit down and decide what you want to do. The feeling will only go away when other humans tell you that it's normal. The thing to remember is that we humans are not God--He is the only one that knows so prayer is required.
It's also illegal to watch porn before you're 18 (21 in some states). So, depending on your country and state, the law may differ. Pornography is not illegal, but viewing or creating such things while under the age of 18/21 is very illegal. I am uncertain of the consequences, but I'd say that you and your parents would be in trouble if it was found.
I certainly wouldn't want to make a bad choice in my viewing and have my parents taken in for questioning as to why they allowed you to view pornography. It's considered damaging to your young mind so I'm sure your parents wouldn't be so happy to find out they could be in trouble for your sexual curiosity.
There is a reason why porn sites make you click a link, claiming you to be at least 18 (21 in some states) so that they are not liable for any "damages" done to you. The site will clearly state that there will be "adult content" on the site and if you have made a mistype then to EXIT or click that you're under 18/21. They don't just put that sort of thing on porn sites for the hell of it, you know. :)
In addition to the above, watching pornography may make you comfortable with certain sexual acts that you, otherwise, would not be very accepting of. It also may desensitize you to sex, making it harder for you to become pleased when you have a partner or making you feel that having multiple partners is completely acceptable. Pornography does a lot to our minds that we're simply not aware of. The serial killer, Ted Bundy, claims to have killed many women because he begin viewing BDSM pornography at a young age--porn, obviously, effects different people in different ways.
Pornography and masturbation may or may not be a sin but it is harmful if you are having guilty feelings. You should find out where the guilty feelings stem from and pray for the right answers. That is the only way you are going to find out the truth of the matter.
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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, every couple of weeks or so , for one day only, my classmates have notices an odd smell in the air. How ever, I have not noticed this smell and one person came up to me and said '' you smell like shit''. I shower every day, I apply deoderant daily and have tried to add a spritz of perfume to cover up the smell which didn't work. This has made me soo self conscious and one thing I don't get is how it's only for one day, and the next day it's gone. and it comes back every couple of weeks. !!! This has been really embarresing and id know what to do . Also, im going into highschool in september so I really want to get rid of this. HELP!!! (link)
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Use the same deodorant every single day (don't over-apply it either; use as directed) and don't spray too much perfumes on your body. If you're really smelling like feces then spraying perfume on it isn't really going to solve that issue, is it?
Sometimes our bodies excrete, from our pores, foods we have eaten recently. Garlic, oregano, peppermint, and many other spices we will excrete in this manner. Even if you wash 100 times, your pores will still excrete some of this out, naturally.
In short, watch what you eat. Journal it if you have to. When someone says, "Wow, you stink today!" then look back the previous couple of days and see if there is something there that adds up.
If it turns out that this is part of your period (as I'm unsure if you're male or female) then you need to change your personal period things more often and wipe up with some flushable wipes during your cycle. If it turns out that it's right before or right after your period then you might want to start wearing pantyliners in between your periods--change them frequently too.
If you have reason to believe that it may actually be feces then purchase some flushable wipes and use them AFTER you use toilet paper when you go to the bathroom. It can make a world of difference.
Make sure you're getting enough fiber in your diet so that you actually "go" at least once a day. Sometimes peoples' bodies will get "backed up" and excrete some of the waste through the pores if they haven't went to the bathroom frequently enough.
Make sure you drink PLENTY of water (clear; tasteless)--at least 6 8oz glasses each and every day, preferably 8 8oz glasses if you can manage. This will help keep your pores flushed out and your body working properly.
Lastly, if it's your breath then try to mouthwash more frequently than you do. Brush your teeth as usual, only take a little bottle of mouthwash to school and use it between your breaks. This is especially recommended if you find out that you need more fiber in your diet or if you've eaten something with a strong odor within the past couple of days.
In short:
1. Use the same deodorant every day, as directed.
2. Journal your food intake every single day.
3. Drink 6 or 8 8oz glasses of pure water each day.
4. Buy a fiber supplement if you're not "going" enough.
5. Change menstrual products frequently.
6. Wear pantyliners in between periods.
7. Buy flushable wipes and use them after you "go" each day. (Remember: use regular toilet paper first.)
8. Brush your teeth normally, but mouthwash frequently.
I hope your problem gets solved soon, as I'm sure it's pretty embarrassing. If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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2 weeks ago me & my boyfriend had sex (oral first) & then we went to actual penis- vagina sex.. That part lasted like 5 minutes. My period had ended a day before but it came early and lasted longer.. And then after we had sex I was bleeding. I wasn't a virgin so I knew it couldn't of been my hymen- and the bleeding lasted around a week. Last week we had sex again (oh both times a condom was used) and I was bleeding again and still am.. I looked it up online & it said it could be Chlamydia- bc I was spotting between periods. Also nausea and abdominal pain/cramps.. What are the chances of having an STD if we used a condom and only had sex for a short period of time?
If it's not an STD then what could it be? I also wanna go to a doctor & get tested but I can't without telling my mom- I'm only 15 and don't have a car so I can't go alone. And If I told her I thought I had am STD she would fliippppp & not let me see my boyfriend anymore, we've been together for 11 months. PLEASE HELP. (link)
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What you have described could, most certainly, be an STD.
Condoms simply do not protect against STDs at all, not even a little bit. It's been proven that the material condoms are made of are porous enough to allow STDs pass through. In addition to the passing through latex, the condom doesn't actually cover the entire genital region, does it? ;)
You could have had this STD (if it IS an STD) long before having sexual encounters with your recent partner. You can contract STDs from oral sex, vaginal penetration, and even fingering. You can even wind up with oral STDs too, if you engage in oral sex with an infected partner.
You need to tell your mother that you need to see a gynecologist for whatever reason you can get by with. As it is, it is recommend that ALL females go to a gynecologist as soon as they reach puberty enough to be having menstrual cycles. Many girls go because of heavy periods, irregular periods, and even horrible cramps. Many girls go just because they know they need to have check-ups to make sure things are working properly.
If your mother knows about the irregular bleeding you had after that sexual intercourse act then that is a VERY good reason to get checked. She probably thinks it's an abnormal period cycle and break-through bleeding--and it's very true that you'll be getting checked out because of that.
This is your health we're talking about. It isn't something that can just magically go away on it's own. It isn't something you can ignore, look-over and survive through. This could be something very, VERY serious.
Make an appointment and find a way to see the doctor. When you make the appointment make sure to tell them what you told us and request a "full STD screening" just in case.
Even if everything turns out to be well and good and the doctor says you have a clean bill of health then the abnormal bleeding needs to be checked out. Sometimes it can be as simple as not enough vaginal lubrication (doubtful because this would NOT last for a week) or that it was a miscarriage.
For note, condoms are only about 85% effective on preventing pregnancy and not effective at all on preventing STD transmission. Please, take careful note of that. Any sort of contact with a diseased person (or part of the body) can mean transmission--even if you only touch for a second.
Oral sex can spread disease.
Handjobs or fingering can spread disease.
Intercourse, no matter how long it lasts or how far the penis enters the vagina, can spread disease.
Get checked.
You really don't want to wait 5 years down the road and find out your body is severely scarred inside because you were too afraid of your mother saying you can't hang around with your partner anymore. This is a serious thing (and things like this is why people say teens should wait until they're adults to make sexual decisions--this stuff can be downright scary!).
I wish you the best of luck and hope dearly that you take my advice. If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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why do girls get cramps when they get their period? (link)
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Cramps ARE the muscles of your uterus contracting but it isn't just to "prepare for childbirth" in the future, as some people may think.
The cramps are there to help shed the lining of your uterus, actually. Usually you get the cramps within the first couple of days, when the uterine lining is hardest to begin shedding. The cramps will help it pull away from the rest of the uterine wall so that it can be expelled.
So, in essence, cramps are a good thing. It means your body is working properly. If you do NOT expel the lining of your uterus then it can become very thick, making it had to conceive a child in the future and (when you DO have a period) making cramping worse. It's just a normal woman cycle to keeping the body in tip-top shape for pregnancy, whenever that does happen.
You should always allow your body to cramp some though so that everything can be loosened and expelled properly. You don't have to let your body cramp all day for two days straight, of course, but allowing it to do what is necessary is better for you in the long run. If you must use methods to reduce the cramping (after awhile, of course) then you may want to ask another Advicenators question about that.
So, in short, your body cramps during menstruation to help break loose the old lining of your uterus and expel it and this is a very good thing.
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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I can't but any kind of lubericant. So are there any household items that women can use that won't hurt their health? (link)
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First off all, Vaseline and latex condoms are a very BAD combination. The vaseline can actually dissolve the latex and cause the condom to allow sperm to pass through to the vagina.
It is generally recommended that women use water soluble substances in the vaginal area (water based lubricants). Products like vaseline (and baby oil, mineral oil, etc) aren't intended for use as lubricants, whereas water-based lubricants like K-Y and Astroglide are made specifically for intercourse and other various forms of sexual play and stimulation. Don't get it? Smear some Vaseline onto your hands and then try to wash it off. Try to wash it off with soap and water. Doesn't come off to easily, does it? It even leaves a nasty residue behind.
Vaseline can increase the chances and severity of vaginal yeast infections and many women develop small pimple-like bumps, commonly referred to as vaginal acne, on their vaginal parts after usage. It does NOT safeguard against pregnancy or STD transmission.
Nothing says sexy than removing bits of latex from your vagina from where the condom began to dissolve or having to treat a HORRIBLE yeast infection for a couple of weeks after using vaseline, followed up with something similar to acne--on the vagina. Right?
So, in short, never use vaseline (petroleum jelly), mineral oil, or baby oil as lubricants. A better choice is to go to the drug store and dish out some money for something actually made to be used as a sexual lubricant. Even if you're under 18, most places will still sell you a sexual lubricant. I don't even know of a place that would not allow the sell of lubricant to a, say, 13 year old even.
So, in short, you need a water-based (glycerin-free if you can manage it) lubricant if you want a happy, healthy vagina. Good suggestions for water-based lubricants include:
Carrageenan (a personal favorite of mine)
Liquid Silk Lubricant
AstroGlide
Slippery Stuff
K-Y
Although it sounds like a decent idea at first, your own spit tends to dry up fairly quickly and may promote vaginal infections. You can wind up with a bacterial infection (A LOT worse than a yeast infection--it can leave you completely infertile or in severe life-long pain) by using your own spit.
Take $15 and head down to the pharmacy, drug store, Wal-Mart, or whatever happens to be around you and check out their selection of water-based sexual lubricants. Heck, good lube doesn't even cost that much! (Got $5? Get lube.) You will be happier. If you have a partner, then he/she will be happier. Your vagina will thank you for avoiding such catastrophes listed above.
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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my boyfriend and i are about to have sex for the second time like tomorrow maybe. and were always going to use protection. but im not on birth control cuz my mom wont put me on it yet. he has these trojan-enz spermicidal lubricant condoms right, and its a one size fits all. what are the chances of the condom breaking of there is any? i mean i know theres always a chance there could be, but im just worried about that. (link)
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NEVER double up on condoms. The other use who says that is inaccurate.
Doubling up on condoms makes MORE friction and increases chances that a condom will break. NEVER EVER EVER put two condoms on a penis. ONE condom on ONE penis.
Spermicide typically increases the condom effectiveness by ABOUT 5%. Condoms are, typically, about 85% to 88% effective on preventing pregnancy anyway. This being said, a condom coupled with spermicidal lube would be about 90% to 93% effective with typical usage.
Spermicidal lubrication, foam, and films are not very effective alone when not coupled with another method of "protection."
Hormonal Birth Control is actually only about 92% effective with typical usage.
The Pull-Out method is only about 25%-70% effective on preventing pregnancy with typical usage.
Note that NO "protection" method--this meaning condoms, spermicide, hormonal birth control, etc--are effective in preventing STD and STI transmission. This means you are still very much at risk for contracting an STD/STI.
Spermicidal lube (nonoxyl-9) has been linked to: increased urinary tract infections (UTIs) in women, vaginal yeast infections, bacterial vaginosis, skin rashes, itching and burning sensations of the genitals. There is also now a large concern over nonoxyl-9 causing minor-to-severe birth defects when used during early pregnancy.
You never know if/when a condom will break. It just happens. If someone KNEW a condom was going to break then why would they use it and risk a pregnancy? When condoms break it just...happens. When it does happen, people usually don't know until it's removed and they see the fluid leaking from it.
Make sure the condom fits snuggly. If it's loose then you need a smaller fit. If it's very, very tight and leaves a ring around the penis then you should go up one size or switch to a slightly larger condom brand.
Yes, you could very well become pregnant using this method (or any other method, really).
So, chances are, you're pregnancy-protected between 85% and 93% if you only use the condom with spermicidal lubricant.
Personally, I'd get some hormonal birth control to couple up with the condom+spermicidal lubricant just as added protection.
Remember, sex means you're NEVER 100% protected. Remember, condoms ALWAYS have a chance of breaking. Breakage chances increase with various things...it's almost like a 50/50 chance with all of the possibilities out there now as to why they could break.
Be responsible and think things through.
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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I feel like I am trapped. Every week I continuously want to kill myself. I come closer each week to actually doing it. I jumped off a bridge and broke my back once just to feel the pain. In the last year my parents have divorced, put me into the middle of it by cheating and i found out. i lost my boyfriend. I went from being anorexic and the fastest girl on my cross country running team to the slowest and fat. I cant lose weight...each week i try and for about 3-5 days i do and then i overeat and gain it all back, sometimes more. I had almost made it to the olympic trials last year before i snapped. My hormones have gone and i take synthetic ones now but i dont feel the same. I feel like i am going to be fat forever. I cant date because i am so ashamed of myself and insecure. what would you do in my position? (link)
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From your time with anorexia I'm sure you've learned that what you see in the mirror is not what everyone else sees in real life. People with anorexia tend to believe they are MUCH larger than they actually are. They physically SEE themselves as "fat" when are actually an average or below-average weight even. It's even worse when people are pressuring you to be perfect (Olympic trials are a pretty big deal, of course).
This being said, you cannot recover on your own, and many people are unable to remain in the recovered state alone. You need professional help for this problem.
There is no reason to lose hope. A professional therapist can help you overcome this, work through these issues, and get you to a HEALTHY weight.
Trying to make yourself better, thinner, faster is impossible to do alone once you have suffered from the anorexic disorder. You do not have the same view as the rest of the population. You do not physically view yourself right. You do not have a grasp on what the numbers on the scale actually mean when it is referring to your body weight. You're so insecure of yourself that you cannot even help yourself--something that also comes along with eating disorders--you NEED someone to help you be healthy.
Please, reach out to someone for help. Tell a trust adult that you NEED to seek a good therapist NOW before you drive yourself so far down into a hole it is impossible to escape. Please, go seek help...NOW.
There isn't anything anyone else on Advicenators can say that is going to magically make all of your problems disappear because the main point of your problems MAY be in your head. We care about you here and we want to see you well, fully recovered for life, and able to point other people in the right directions.
Take the first step and reach out to someone about these issues. Explain to them how serious they are and how scared you are inside. Confess your suicidal thoughts and feelings. Open up so they can see how hurt you are, so they can understand how much help you need and that you need it now before it's too late and you lose your youth completely.
I hope things look up very soon for you. If you have any more questions please feel free to inbox me. :)
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a few days ago, i noticed i got a cold sore on the side of my mouth. it's not very noticeable, it doesn't hurt, but i know it is a cold sore. i know this is a form of herpes, it's just from the cold weather or chapped lips [not due to anything sexual], but would i still be able to kiss my boyfriend? or is that too risky? (link)
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No, it isn't safe until AT LEAST 3 weeks after the coldsore has healed over completely (ie: gone away; not visible anymore; already scabbed over and went off). So, if today your get the coldsore, tomorrow it leaks, the third day it scabs over, and the fourth day the scab is completely gone then you have three weeks until it is safe to liplock with your sweetie. Yes, four days is an exaggeration too--it'll take AT LEAST a week for that entire process to happen, if not longer.
You are always contagious, just so you know. The breakout period up until three weeks after are the more contagious periods. Please, try to spare your boyfriend this illness.
Here is a question I answered that includes A LOT of my links about herpes and various information regarding herpes, treatments, outbreaks, and what-not. Check it out:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=547802
It wouldn't hurt anything to brush up by reading the things I've written previously. If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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so this guy i sort of like wants me to give him a handjob and he wants to finger me..this is a really weird and probobly stupid question but lets say he fingered me, would it be possible that if his hands werent washed good enough and had touched himself down there recently, would it be possible that i could get pregnant from that? i mean im not going to tell him to wash his hands..and what if its still under his finger nails..ugh im just paranoid but idontknow what to do..and i dont even know how to give a handjob?! he knows i dont..but i actually have no clue..what do i do? (link)
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I'm so sad that the rumor that "sperm dies instantly outside of the body" or "sperm dies instantly when it hits air" is still be spread, especially on Advicenators. No, sperm does not "die instantly" or even "within seconds" after being ejaculated outside of the body. The sperm swim slower outside of the body, live shorter lifespans (A LOT more than seconds, believe me), and are mostly dead by the time the ejaculate actually dries (which takes more than seconds, right? Right.). If the sperm is on the hand then the body temperature can keep the little guys alive for quite some time. Sperm are amazing little creatures.
Just for reference, men who are trying to raise their sperm count are told to wear loose clothing on their bottom half to help the temperature drop to a cooler temperature. Hmm...doesn't sound like the sperm are DYING from the temperature drop, does it?
If oxygen (or anything in our air) killed the sperm then NOBODY would get pregnant. It's ridiculously unbelievable to think that we, females, have no sort of "air" or "oxygen" in our vaginas. Our vaginas are simply fleshy HOLES--and what happens to be in holes, typically? Air. And when you shove something in a hole, what is pushed first into that hole? Air. And, speaking of this, what are queefs? Air being released from the...VAGINA! Yes, AIR/OXYGEN does NOT kill sperm!
Look, if you're going to let him touch your vagina then you need to know some facts, straight up.
HPV, herpes, and other various STDs can get under a person's nails and live for some time since it's fairly warm and slightly moist there--the perfect environment. Even if you wash your hands the virus could be deeply embedded so far back that you cannot properly reach the full extent of it. The virus, of course, will grow a little under the nails so that it will reach outward enough to be spread into/onto various parts of your body. So, putting fingers near a vagina IS a health risk.
(*Note that virgins can have STDs & STIs too.)
Be smart about the handjob and use a condom for safety's sake. It might seem silly to some but only to those who don't use their heads when it comes to this sort of risky behavior. A condom doesn't cost a lot, the handjob will feel just as good, and the risk of contracting an illness is lessened.
It's YOUR body and you should DEMAND he wash his hands with soap and water after coming in contact with his sperm just to lessen risks of pregnancy. Yes, you can get pregnant if a man were to cum onto his hands and then touch your vagina with cum on them. Yes. Yes. Yes.
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
P.S. Washing your hands under "HOT" water after doing this is NOT a safety precaution regarding STDs/STIs. As I said, the viruses can bury themselves further in your nail-bed than you can humanly reach. Washing hands under "HOT" water and using soap is ONLY a safety precaution when it comes to sperm entering the vagina.
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okay so im going to do this "diet" where for 2 weeks all you eat is vegetables. well i was wondering because you're not getting very many calories because vegetables don't have many, would it be okay if i had maybe every other day a "bad food" item. only one? like maybe have a brownie one day or a hamburger from burger king one day or somethig like that? will i still lose weight? (link)
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There are a LOT of vegetarians out there that do just fine with eating strictly vegetables. Eating only vegetables for two weeks isn't unhealthy at all so I'm not sure why you would feel you need to up your calorie intake for those two weeks with junk foods.
Seriously, if you are doing a TWO WEEK diet of eating only vegetables (and vegetables include a WIDE variety of foods) then you should stick with it. Two weeks is a pretty short time anyway. If you can't make two weeks without a brownie or a hamburger from Burger King then you need to make some large life changes in your normal diet.
I say stick with the two week vegetable diet and don't cheat. It's only two weeks. If you have to break a diet of two weeks to have a brownie then you're in serious trouble when you're older and your metabolism slows (natural as you age and lose muscle mass).
Hang on for two weeks without the junk cheats. A lot of people go months without junk to lose weight and be healthy. Some people go years without having "cheat" with junk foods. Two week will fly by if you really want the weightloss to happen.
Eat the vegetables. Eat A LOT of vegetables if you want to. Gorge yourself on vegetables. Eat them raw or steamed. Eat them mixed together or separately.
There is no reason to NEED more calories when on this sort of diet, especially when it would mean adding in REALLY bad foods like brownies or hamburgers.
If you ABSOLUTELY cannot take two weeks of vegetables (which is really sad :( ) then buy a bag of apples, oranges, or whatever fruit you enjoy and have one of those a day. A fruit is WAY better than a brownie, any day, but if you're dieting to lose weight then it's the best route to go.
So, in short, you MIGHT still lose if you sneak in the junk food but you're only cheating yourself. It sounds like you have some sort of addiction to said foods or you wouldn't be desiring them SO strongly when thinking of going away from them for two weeks. Give your body a break and eat the veggies :)
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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i have terrible dark circles under my eyes, yet i sleep 8 hours every night and have a good sleeping schedule, even on weekends. how can i get rid of them? (link)
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Actually, dark circles under the eye is usually a good sign of malnutrition or lack of iron, especially if you're getting enough rest at night. If you're not taking a daily multi-vitamin then you should definately start there, as it sounds like your body may be lacking something severely. You should take the multi-vitamin every single day, whether your dark circles are there or not :) just for overall health benefits.
Now, as women, we tend to lose more blood during a month's span. The blood loss isn't extreme but it is enough to leave our bodies iron deficient if we're prone to that (heavy periods, long periods, periods with only a week or two in between). So, if you're already taking a daily multivitamin then you may need to take an extra iron supplement throughout the month as well.
As for iron supplements, some can cause constipation or upset stomach so it's best to read the packaging to see if those problems have been solved. I use Feosol, an iron supplement that I found at my local Wal-Mart, and it has specifically been formulated to be gentle in the body. I take one pill a day, plus my regular multi-vitamin, and my dark circles tend to be less than they were before I started the supplement. Always take the iron with one full glass (8oz) of water to help it absorb into your system properly.
You can tell if I'm on my period and not taking my iron because my circles are very evident. I also feel pretty weak and tired if my iron is fairly low during the day.
Now, dark circles can be a bit hereditary too, so if your mother has them then it could be just a genetic malformation; however, chances are you're just low on vitamins and possibly iron :) Chances that they are hereditary is actually fairly low though because we typically eat what our parents eat too, for the most part.
Give your body a good month or more after being on the vitamins every single day before taking an iron supplement too. All this could be is lack of vital nutrients that you're not getting in your daily consumption (common problem in the United States). So, take the daily multivitamins every single day for a month before deciding if you feel you need an iron supplement as well--even then you might want to consult your doctor to ensure an extra iron supplement is beneficial to your body.
For a last note, I guarantee your skin will even look healthier after being on the vitamins for awhile. It's amazing at how many things can look so much better by making sure your body has what it needs to function properly. My hair looks soooo much healthier now (less breakage, fuller hair, better natural color to it) just from me taking my vitamins each day. Give it a shot, it can't hurt! :)
Take care of yourself. If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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My name is Amie. I want a nickname because im tired of my name. Perferrably.Emo.Nicknames. and ones ppl. can call me around school. thanks -Xx.pain.on.wrists.xX (link)
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Atomic Amie
Amie Alien
Arsenic Amie
Alternative Amie
Amie Attitude
Accident Amie
Anonymous Amie
Acidic Amie
Amie Also
(What about just "Emo Amie" ? It's nice...)
Although many of them are considered "scene" names more than "emo" they do sound pretty neat and could be used in a variety of ways. If you chose something like the above then people could call you, for instance, "Arsenic" instead of "Amie" or "Arsenic Amie" if you preferred. Even neater, you could change the name into a nick name of, for example, "Acid" instead of "Acidic Amie" if you liked.
If you perfer to not have your name or the letter "A" associated with it then go for simple, true emo names. I, personally, wouldn't dare call someone something that I've listed below; however, you may find something that sparks your interested, like:
Scars
Blade
Bladed Skin
Razor
Razored Wrist
Painted Razor
Broken Smiles
Weeping Heart
Blackened Raven
Short-Cut (if you're short!)
Red Wrists
Emomo
E-Mo (if you've seen Wall-E then it's cute)
Dark-and-Dreary
Emomo-tional
Poetic Unjustice
[The] Emotionally Wounded [Kid]
Emotional Baggage
Unhappy Bliss (UnBliss for short?)
I'm sure you can find something, somewhere, that is more original than "Pain on Wrists" because if I were emo, I'd be pretty ashamed that I was so...cliche. Yeah.
I hope I found you something above that suited you well. I'm sure a good nickname will come to you soon! If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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i have a cold and i need to get rid of it by tomorrow. ive had the cold for two days, buti have a newly developed dry cough. my nose isnt that bad, but it is a bit stuffed up. any suggestions? (link)
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Vitamins can really help your body recover from illness. If you're lacking any certain vitamin then your body will run with a slightly lower immune system than it should. A lowered immune system makes you vulnerable to illness and tends to prolong illnesses.
For daily wellness you should always take a multi-vitamin that is right for your body. They have many different kinds--some with iron, some without, some for women, some for men, some for teenagers, etc.
So, the first step should be taking the daily multivitamin to ensure your body has enough vitamins to function properly.
Once you have the basic vitamin situation sorted out, you really need to watch your fluid intake. Remember that your body NEEDS at the very least 6 glasses (8oz each) of WATER, perferably 8 glasses if you can do it. Water means WATER and not soda, coffee, tea, milk, or alcohol. You can drink the 6 - 8 glasses of water plus whatever else you desire to drink, but WATER is needed first and foremost. The water should be unflavored, uncarbonated, and distilled if you can manage. If that isn't possible, then a spring water is second choice, followed by purfied water and, lastly, tap water. The "purest" water you consume means more water space for your body to flush toxins out with.
Next, you may want to look into purchasing some vitamin C. Your body can handle a very large amount of vitamin C and it's been shown to shorten the duration of colds. Personally, I would start with taking about 2,500mg of C each day, spread out with your meals if possible (I have safely taken up to 6,000mg of C with no adverse side effects).
After you make sure you have a nice, hefty bottle of vitamin C, you may want to pick up some echinacea and a bottle of zinc. Follow the dosage instructions on the package for the zinc. If your throat it sore, you may want to purchase some zinc lozenges--something I found at the local GNC--which helps your throat to heal quickly and the pain to virtually disappear within hours. :)
Echinacea is very tricky so make sure to follow the guidelines for it by taking the recommend dosage on the package for 2 weeks and then not taking ANY for at least 6 weeks afterward. Oddly enough, your body stops utilizing the benefits of the echinacea appropriately after the two week mark or so and it takes a few weeks for your body to rid itself of the remains of it. It wouldn't hurt anyone if they took the supplement every single day of their life; however, after a few weeks the benefits of the herb would disappear and it would be, well, pretty useless.
As for a stuffed up nose, try to find peppermint scented herbs to smell. The large mall around was having a sell on these neck wraps once and one was labelled "Cold Relief." I asked the man why it helped with colds and he had me sniff the pillowed neckwrap. Instantly, my nose felt more open than it was previously and it lightly tingled with the smell of...PEPPERMINT! He said it was natural peppermint that had been infused in it to help open the nasal passages--and it really did the trick, too!
If you must resort to over-the-counter medications then please read the side effects too. I took Mucinex at one point and had good results when it came to stopping a dry cough. Take all over-the-counter medications are directed for your own health. You should continue your vitamins when taking the otc medicines as none of the above usually affect the effectiveness of otc cold rememdies.
I hope you feel better soon! Take care of yourself and all will be well. If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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okay so everyone keeps telling me i av ocd and i was curious about this "disease" so i looked up information on it and was thinking it may be possibly,okay so when i was younger i used to count and spell every thing like going down the highway i would count the cones on the side and i would go by stores and had to spell it quick before i passed it and and i would always step over the cracks in the side walk, i find myself still doing these things but not as much im a very very clean person my rom has to be perfect and my stuff is very orderly and sometimes ill pour something and i have to like pour it before the fridge door shuts and i cant have my mirror facing me when im on my bed... should i maybe go get this checked out or am i being paranoidid? (link)
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Honestly, the only time you should be worried about habits like this is if they interfere with your life. If they are bothering you emotionally or mentally then seek help. If they are inhibiting you from being yourself then seek help. If you're very unhappy about them seek help.
Everyone, and I do mean everyone, has odd quirks about them like this. I MUST have the radio and television off so I can sleep properly. My mother MUST have the bathroom or hallway light on to be able to sleep. I know a woman who has to double check her door after she locks it to make sure it locks--every single time she leaves. I like to have my work-things set out at night so in the morning they are right THERE for me to go--otherwise I feel weird about the situation. Every time I go on break at work I wash my hands--that COULD be considered obsessive, but it doesn't bother me and doesn't disrupt my life (and, see, that is what matters in these situations).
See, everyone has "odd" things about them that doesn't seem normal... :) and it's okay.
If it isn't interfering with you, relationships, communication, or happiness then, seriously, don't worry about it.
Relax about the situations and just be happy. Don't seek solutions to problems that don't really exist. Personally, if I were you, I'd forget that I ever even thought that any of the above could be considered a DISORDER (not "disease").
You're a human being :) that's all.
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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is it ok to have sex with more then 3 poeole at the same time? (link)
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No.
It isn't healthy for you mentally, physically, or emotionally.
Sex brings a lot of drama to relationships as it is. If two people are not compatible in bed they can end up breaking up or cheating on each other--leading to, at the very least, heartbreak. Having more than ONE person be your sexual partner is very hard for a human to even out, especially if they are seeking "good sex" with each partner.
Sex puts you in a very vulnerable state. Your brain changes chemistry for a bit as new hormones are released and endorphines begin to run about to excite you. You are naked in front of, at least, one other human being. Humans are very weary about being naked as it shows their complete physical flaws. From here, things can happen that could change your life forever--you could do something without thinking and regret it, you could be physically hurt, you could be emotionally traumatized (most common if the partner does not seem to share the same sensations or connections), or even develop an issue with relationships--in that ONE encounter.
STDs are everywhere now. Babies are being born with STDs. Children are contracting STDs from their parents (unwashed hands during diaper changes--if you don't believe me, check out some of the herpes forums). This means that even VIRGINS can HAVE STDS! For note, condoms don't prevent or protect you from STDs if you have yet to pick that up in your sex ed. class. The tiny pores in the condoms allow such viruses to pass through but aren't large enough to allow sperm to pass through. So, in those moments of sexual relations (and, no, you don't have to have intercourse to contract STDs--even you being fingered could leave you with a nasty life-long surprise) your body is vulnerable in this way.
Then there is pregnancy. If you contract an STD before or during pregnancy then your child may be born with severe disabilities. If you have sex with three men--who is the father? Will anyone want to take responsiblity when it gets down to it? Probably not. How would you tell your child that you had sex with three different men and had to figure out which one was their father?
The truth is, when you engage in a friends with benefits "relationship" (which you'd have to because it's doubtful you could grow equal strong attachments to each partner) you never do learn how to communicate effectively for a true relationship. This is why a lot of men and women who use to be in that sort of "relationship" always end up in the same place, without a personal attachment to their sexual partner.
A person that engages in those types of relationships tends to already have low self esteem and a low self concept of themselves. They are seeking what they feel is the only "love" they are able to get because they are just so unworthy of other types of care. These relationships tend to bring the person down further, to where they will circle the same path over and over in life. They tend to be the ones that never marry, or do not marry until very, very late in life because it takes them that long to figure out how to un-do the bad things they had taught themselves in poor relationships before. I know many people like this and you DEFINITELY do not want this type of emotional/mental scar.
The statistics you get on contraceptive methods are for PERFECT usage. PERFECT is something we are not so you should always be aware of the TYPICAL percentage of effectiveness:
Hormonal birth control pills are only 92% effective with typical usage.
Condoms are only 84% effective with typical usage.
The "pull-out" method is somewhere between 25% - 70% effective, typically.
Spermicidal lube CAN increase a condom's effectiveness UP TO 5%.
The "morning-after" pill is actually only about 70% effective on average.
Lastly, prepare yourself for the worst in case you're faced with it. Here are some links. Even if it seems stupid to read and look through these now, you may end up in a situation where you'll be thankful you did...
Read through my answer here:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=548961
Virginity...is it worthwhile?:
http://www.tagnet.org/adventist.fm/youth/virgin.htm
Is ANY sex safe sex?:
http://www.prolife.com/LICKONA.htm
Here is a link about pregnancy costs to know about:
http://www.surebaby.com/costs.php
Here is a link that has some really freaky STD facts:
http://www.ashastd.org/learn/learn_statistics.cfm
Here is a link to photos of STDs you should research so you're aware of what they look like on the body:
http://www.healthac.org/images.html
My answer, here:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=543907
For the last note, if you question an activity as being "slutty" then it is, nine times out of ten, a slutty behavior. If you question an activity as being bad then it is, nine times out of ten, bad behavior. If you have to question it, then there's a reason why you feel that way. Sometimes your conscious is screaming at you even when you don't want to listen. Most people who ask questions like this to a pool of people they feel do the same thing are simply looking for psychological relief for their guilt of being perceived as a slut for the bad activities they do. (Associates degree in psychology taught me this.)
Please, think carefully before making any decisions if you are considering this sort of sexual encounter.
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