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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
I have reached a point where I am very confused about my relationship and it's future. I have been seeing my boyfriend on and off since april of 2011. I have wanted to be in a relationship with him since that time. He has more recently July 2013 decided he's fully on board, wants to get married, and move away to florida within the next few years. We've had a lot of issues, both his and mine along the way, all stemming from his inability to commit..
So fast forward to thanksgiving 2013, when I find out via a google search about the owners of his home, he was married. I believed it to have been over, or he would have told me. Right? Not that that's an excuse anyways. But come to find out, his complete inability to commit, refusing to allow me in his house, not meeting friends, etc. Was because he's been in the middle of a separation/divorce since he has known me (she's fighting him for every step of the way, she didn't work a day the whole marriage but is demanding more than her share). Because her family is the elusive "jerk" room mate excuse he has used for the past two years..
He swears he hasn't touched her since we've been together, she lives in a different state, No kids, all that stuff. And maybe I'm naive but I believe him. My issue is that I resent him, and the circumstances he has put us in. We are amazing together, we used to have so much fun together, he just gets me. We have never felt this way for anyone before. I just felt like if we've been through all the bull that we have, and we're still together. We are strong enough to make it work.
But he's afraid he'll lose more money in the divorce if I live there, he comes over on my days off, but refuses to live here. As I work nights, he doesn't see a reason to be in my apartment when I'm not here. He follows through most of my days off, but it's not enough. Hanging out on days off isn't what someone who's madly in love, wants to marry you and move you away does.. I just feel like we should be so much more. And I'm angry at him, all the time. Even when he doesn't do anything wrong. I have no patience, the smallest things set me off. And we fight all the time. Sometimes his doing as well. I just resent that were dealing with this, that he can't do what's necessary to make me feel confident after a colossal lie. And I'm afraid were going to just end up hating each other because I'm so angry sometimes I make us miserable.
He thinks I'm over thinking it, that I am making myself more miserable than is necessary over this. But I can't have what I want, deserve and am promised for at least another month or two because of her. And I know it's short term.. but it's the principle. And I've been the one compromising and settling for less for YEARS.. I just don't know what to do. Am I overreacting, should I just accept it and coast. I just feel like he has no right to even ask me to do that. I'm just at the point where I'm exhausted with it, always fighting, always wondering, anxious. I don't enjoy our time together, I haven't seen him in two days and i don't even miss him. I was hoping that would go away or get better.. but it isn't. But the idea of leaving literally causes me to crumble. I love him more than I can express, I just can't do this on his terms anymore..
The Answer
I would say the fact you are still with this man involves a good deal of over-thinking. A clear, straight forward line of thought probably would have led you to dump him all ready.
He deceived you in every aspect of his life (he lied about his past, his home life, his parents and his friends) for years! This wasn't even a casual omission, he would have had to lie to you nearly constantly to keep his lie going.
How can you ever truly trust him again? What else will he feel justified in lying to you about? Would he lie to you about your future kids? Your shared finances? Would he lie about his health or his STD status?
This is a man who, for years, exposed his utter disrespect for your feelings and your future together every single day. You may have been good together in the beginning, but in that beginning, he was lying to you about who he was and the life he had lived, while also isolating you from the people who knew him best.
Walk away. At best, he's a controlling ass who made a big mistake in his relationship with you and has yet to accept how serious and damaging his behaviour was. That's the best case. The worst case is that he is a high functioning sociopath who is incapable of normal human feelings and will never understand why lying to you to get what he wants is a problem and will just keep on manipulating you and everyone else to get what he wants.
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The Question
20/f
I'm feeling guilty. Last year, I marked myself as a dependent and my mom had to go through the trouble with her accountant on trying to do everything and to grab my paper work. Because I was a dependent, I didn't get any money from my school but my mom did. She didn't tell me that she got $1,000 and she kind of went off to another country to go to the doctor.
I got frustrated because that summer, I had to pay for college out of my own pocket because I wasn't offered summer financial aid. I told her that she should have told me so I could save the money to put into my college tuition because I didn't know how to pay $2,000 dollars for summer, I didn't get accepted for any loans, and I worked in retail. It was too much money to try to get in such a short amount of time. So, I had to borrow money from my sister's boyfriend.
I told my mom that next time, I was going to mark myself as independent so then I can save money for graduate school. And she threatened me, saying how she won't pay for anything anymore. How she won't help me at all if I needed it. She never really did help me pay for anything, so I agreed.
2013, I started working more. I was still going to school. I pulled out a few loans since I was going to graduate in December. I was pretty much paying for myself and taking care of myself. I was planning on taking a year off after I graduate to try to pay off the loans, save some money for graduate school, go to the doctor, and pretty much take care of things I needed to do so I would not have to worry about it.
2014, I filed my taxes right when I got my 1098-t form. Two days after I did, my mom came up to me and asked for my files because she said that her accountant said she would gain more money back if we filed it together. But I was already done. Even though after that conversation a year ago, and even though I do have that plan, I feel guilty of filing my taxes without her. Did I even do the right thing?
The Answer
You did what you and she had agreed too. You had zero obligation to revisit that conversation with her.
It's okay to feel a bit bad. It's always hard to disappoint someone we love, but it's also really, really important to recognize that just because we love someone doesn't mean we should always do what they want when it comes to our lives, or money.
Your mom has proven she isn't a good person to partner with finically. Be glad you had put your taxes in before she asked. You did the right thing, the smart things, probably the legal thing, and definitely got lucky too.
It's okay to be sorry, and even to tell you're mom you are sorry for her trouble. Being sorry doesn't necessarily mean you did anything wrong.
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The Question
right after I sneeze I cant breathe. this last for about 30 seconds to a min. I feel like I am going to pass out.
The Answer
You should see a doctor. Anything that stops you from being able to breathe requires professional, medical advice. It could be linked to a serious respiratory problem.
It's relative normal to not be able to breath normal for a second or two after sneezing. It's not at all normal to have trouble for a minute. See a doctor.
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The Question
Please help! I'm a teenager and my parents just got divorced. While they were still married, I found out that my dad had been cheating on my mom, and she knew this too. He had been calling 'the other woman' in secret and buying her lots of fancy things we can't afford, taking away from my childhood needs such as the books I wanted for my birthday but never got. (I also asked for these for Christmas but still didn't receive them). This other woman knew that my dad was married but went on cheating with him. I am so mad about this; as a parent, who can say that they did this? Imagine the hurt on the kid! How can I get revenge on the 'other woman'? Please help. BTW, my mom is really hurt by this. So, once again, revenge ideas, please? Thank you.
The Answer
Revenge doesn't work.
I know that's not the answer you want, but it is unfortunately true. The only place that revenge works is in the movies, or in books or on TV, because those are the only places where one person (the director, or the writer) have the complete and utter control over every person's behaviour and feelings to MAKE revenge work.
In real life, these are the things that usually happen when you try to take revenge:
You get caught (and the police might get involved);
You hurt someone else as well, or instead, of the person you wanted to hurt;
It backfires, and the people you are trying to avenge, end up respecting or trusting you less than before.
Or is simply fails, and the thing you think will hurt a person, doesn't bother them much at all.
You can't hurt this woman (or your father) as much as they have hurt you (and your mother). I sort of wish you could, but you can't, and if you try you will almost certainly hurt yourself in the process.
Confucius said "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves." Revenge doesn't solve any problems, it just doubles them, and you are usually the one who suffers the most.
That doesn't mean you can't be angry, and it doesn't mean you have to forgive. You don't. Frankly tho, your father is far, far more to blame than this other woman. He lied to you and your mom, you can't know how many lies he told this other woman as well. As wrong as she might have been, his crime is far, far worse, and he is the one who owed your family respect. She might be a bitch, but she didn't 'make' him do it, he is the one who betrayed you.
The better way to deal with what has happened is probably to call your Dad on it, so he can understand exactly what you experienced, how his horrible behaviour has affected you and what you think of him now. Even if you need to put it all into a letter, let him know what he's done to you. If there is any decency left in him, the truth of his his own horrible mistakes will cause him more pain than anything you could do to this other woman.
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The Question
So, my dad went to prison 14 years ago (unrelated to any of this) and just got out last month. He's made attempts to contact me and my brother; we both decided to have dinner with him and have already done that.
My sister, for many years, has said that our dad molested her for years. None of this was investigated, there were no witnesses, it's all on her word.
It's an awful situation. I feel a huge loyalty to my sister, I love her so much obviously. I can only imagine what it'd be like, the betrayal to see your bothers do that to you and be around your molester. However, no one knows this actually happened, and I feel like it'd be unfair to cut my dad out of my life because of my sister's, well frankly, accusations.
I don't know what to do. Nothing was ever proven but why would someone lie about that?
Any advice on the subject would be much appreciated
thanks
The Answer
I think you owe to your sister to take her account as credible.
You've suggested no reason to believe she made it up, or that she has any habit or underlying mental illness that would make you skeptical of her account.
These may be just be 'accusations' under the law, but you are not a judge or a prosecutor. You are her brother. Her word should carry far more with weight with you, unless you have a very, very serious reason to doubt her ability to honestly report what happened.
Frankly, she is owed not just your loyalty, but your belief.
Which doesn't necessarily mean you should never speak to your father again, but it does mean you should consider your sister's feelings on the matter very seriously, and speak to her openly about the kind of relationship you are going to have with your father. You'll be in the strongest position to honour both her and yourself if you believe her utterly, and still wish to have some sort of contact with your father (while also respecting completely and utterly if she chooses not too).
It wouldn't be 'unfair' to cut your father out of your life entirely. People do not automatically 'deserve' any family relationship just because they are genetically related to you. Instead, think about what you personally want from a relationship with this man, not about what he deserves. Your sister will likely be able to better accept your choice if you make it for your own sake, not because you think this man is owed anything from you (and he probably isn't owed a thing.)
If you want some sort of a relationship with your father, even though he molested your sister, that is a choice you can make for yourself. Maybe your sister will not be able to accept that choice, but if you can also respect her, make that choice for yourself (not for him) then she might be able to understand. I have to say tho, if I were in your shoes I wouldn't choose to invite someone into my life who I believed has sexually abused a family member.
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The Question
I live in California and my landlord will put these 4x6 inch orange stickers on peoples cars/trucks that park where they aren't supposed to. The stickers are hell to peel of, they leave a paper residue behind, and they are HUGE! I think it's vandalism, because I see peoples windows with the big paper residue on them that takes goo gone to remove, and they obviously are not able to remove them. Is this even legal? It seems like she super glues them on.
The Answer
I don't know if it's illegal in your area. A quick call to the police will tell if they are, but I doubt it. They are perfectly legal in most areas, so long as they aren't placed on the window in a way that makes it impossible for the driver to see (and therefor drive safely). I suspect they are perfectly legal for use on cars improperly parked on private property - but it's certainly in poor form and worth addressing. If you want to complain about it, you should.
If they are legal in your area, the first place to bring your concern is probably any Tenant's Association you have in your building or complex, or even in your town. A lot of apartments or rentals complexes will have a organization that is meant to advocate for tenants concerns. They are definitely the first place to go.
It's possible as well that your Tenant's Association has already addresses the issues of these stickers (I'd be surprised if you are the only one annoyed by them) and is aware of the legality of them.
But if no one has complained before, your concerns will have more weight if they come through a tenant's association, and not just from you as an individual, and it's worth it to you to listen to the landlord's formal response to your complaint.
A tenant's organization can also advise you where it's best to take your complaint after you've let the landlord know of them - either the local housing authority or district attorney is the usual place. But in both cases, they will want to know what steps you have taken first to make your landlord aware of your concern.
Finally, I think it's worth considering what your landlord will do if they cannot use these stickers. As annoying as the stickers may be, I imagine having your car towed would be far more annoying and much more costly. The stickers might be a cheaper and more effective deterrent, then making everyone go through all the headache of having their car towed. I'd certainly rather have to buy a bottle of Goo Gone than have to take a cab to get my car out of impound. Perhaps the stickers are illegal, in which case the landlord should certainly stop using them, but if they are legal and the choice is between these awful stickers and calling the police each time a car needs to be removed, I can understand why the choice is being made to handle it this way.
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The Question
Please my girlfriend is a virgin and is 19 years old.I wanted to have sex with her but she keep on telling me that she will not do it until we got married.How should I convince her to have sex with me
The Answer
You shouldn't.
You should listen to what she says and respect her position on the subject.
If it's important to you to have a relationship that includes premarital sex, then is not the right partner for you.
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The Question
I am not sure if this is the right category. Wasn't sure what to put it in.
I need people who are sensitive and not judgmental because my situation is quite easy to judge but I actually really need some help. I'm really at a loss and don't know what to do. So if you are someone who would post rude comments, please leave now.
Okay so last year I was asked by a co worker to have a threesome with him and his wife... (I am a female). I couldn't help but say yes because I was curious and it was a fantasy of mine that I never actually thought would happen. Well even though I was on birth control I ended up getting pregnant from this.
Well this obviously caused a lot of issues in their marriage and I felt bad but I didn't know what to do so I left it up to them. They cut off contact with me up until I was about 7 months pregnant when he contacted me and wanted to try and work something out because he wanted to be involved in his babies life. It's been a very very complicated, messy and difficult situation as I am sure you can imagine. But his whole family, brothers, sisters in law, parents, grandparents are all involved and have come to see me and the baby and have just been wonderful. But he hasn't been able to see her yet because his wife is uncomfortable with everything even though she knew having a threesome could potentially cause this problem.
Well last week she decided she couldn't handle it and she left him. He has sacrificed a lot to be a part of his daughters life and I appreciate it but here is where the problem comes in...
Back when I had the threesome there was a guy living with me who practically raped me one night when I took an Ambien. I only have a very vague memory of it since I was drugged up. He admitted he did it to me but said he only entered for a minute and pulled out. I was pissed and kicked him out and haven't heard from him since and I cant even be sure when the date was. I thought for sure this happened a couple of weeks after I would have gotten pregnant but my baby looks so much like him. She is only a couple weeks old now but she has his nose almost totally and it really scares me. It's really hard to tell tho cuz she is so young but here is where I need advice...
The paternity test is in 2 weeks and I guess its a possibility that the threesome guy may not be the dad after all. After everything he has been through to be in her life and everything his family has done for us... I would be the single worst person alive if it turns out the guy who raped me is actually the father. It is very unlikely that it was him but at the same time... she really does look like him.
So my question is... how should I handle this if the paternity test comes out negative? What should I say to him and his family? How can I possibly apologize for something so extreme? Or should I tell him now that I was raped back then and risk losing his trust even if the test comes out positive? Overall... I just don't know what to do. Please help
The Answer
I don't think you are obligated to disclose the rape to the man you believe is the father, and your certainly don't have to tell his family. It probably would have been better to have addressed the possibility that he might not be the farther months ago, but that ship has sailed, so hold your tongue now.
Wait for the paternity test. I understand why this is so stressful for you. It's legitimately terrifying! But it seems to me the most respectful thing to do is not spread the terror around unnecessarily.
In the meantime just be calm and be the best mom you can be. Don't obsess over your daughter's features. Your imagination is bound to work overtime on this. Try to be at peace not knowing yet.
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The Question
In Canada is their a legal age requirement on buying condoms? Do you have to be 18 or older?
The Answer
There is no age requirement on buying condoms in Canada.
It's a good guideline though - if you don't feel comfortable walking into a drug store and buying condoms - then you aren't prepared for sexual activity.
There are also many places you can get condoms for free. Clinics, college dorms or even some school guidance officers. (Although I never really recommend them as the best course of action, since condoms do have expiry dates and shouldn't be stored in places that get too warm or too cold.)
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The Question
I have been married to John for 2 years. This has been my experience: Within the first 6 months of our marriage my father passed away. I had to fly across the country to attend the funeral, and stayed for 2 weeks. Upon my return, I found out that John had cheated on me with a prostitute. To make a long story short, I forgave him and we worked really hard on our marriage. Another 6 months went by, and while I was doing laundry, I found 2 movie tickets in his pants pocket. I looked at the date on the tickets, and it happened to coincide with one of the nights he told me he had been “working late.“ Again, we worked on the marriage and got counseling, and things went better.
On Jan. 1st, 2014 he left me. He packed up all of his belongings and left our home. He moved into an apartment with a girlfriend he had been having an affair with for the past 2 months. They lived together for 4 days before he called it quits, and made her move out.
The excuse he gives me for all the cheating incidents is: (in his exact words) “you are a beautiful person, with a beautiful soul. But my sex life with you has always been bad. In fact, it is sh*t.“
He told me that while he doesn´t want to say goodbye to me forever, he wants me to begin seeing other people. When I ask him if he will come back to me, he says he is not ready.
I don´t know what to do. I thought marriage was supposed to be a sacred union lasting for a lifetime. I certainly went into it that way, and I feel that I have done everything possible to make it work. Now, I just feel used. Is there any hope for this marriage to ever heal?
Thank you very much for your attention.
The Answer
Go back to therapy by yourself.
It's too soon to tell what the future will bring, but you need an advocate and a safe space to talk about what is going on, so go see a therapist or counsellor.
There isn't much reason to believe that a man who was never really faithful to your marriage in the first place, will ever be ready to come back, and have the kind of marriage you desire. That's just not realistic at this point.
So go to therapy and deal with the fallout of this situation.
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The Question
There is almost noway I can be brief about this, so I BEG for judgement free responses.
Please keep in mind of this before responding : You can choose who you fall in love with when it happens. You can choose when either. When you are in love, you are in love imo.
Her : A 26 year old woman in (not any longer) a relationship for 13 years (not married). Met as children and was forced into a relationship via peer pressure by her friends. For some reason, it lasted this long and she had wanted to get out since she was 16. They have lived together since she was 20 and broke up after he found out that she was had a crush on somebody else 3 years later. They reconciled after 2 months and has lived with him for another 3 years. She has always only saw him as her best friend and was just really attached, never truly in love. He has money and has shielded her from reality. Very controlling and manipulative. Intimate only when he got mad and for 'survival'. There is so much more to add.
Me : 27 at the time I met her a year ago. Had aspirations of becoming a professional bodybuilder (not a joke). I lived like a monk and basically thought relationships were a waste of time. I had very firm beliefs about life in general and I had goals and dreams.
We met online and talked for months as friends. We have the same beliefs about life and everything you can imagine. She told me how depressed she was living a lie with this man. Basically strangers. We fell in love without even knowing how each other looked like nearly 400 miles apart. Soon it became an emotional affair for months.
We met and engaged in forbidden love (to society). Later, I found a job opportunity (leaving everything behind for her) and moved here under the impression she would leave him. But she was so trapped under him. She had no means to leave financially. She was not her own person at all. Very emotionally weak.
Finally (very long story), after months, she was free, but still very broken. I given her everything and went from an ice cold person to truly falling in love.
We almost broke up many times because it was getting to me. She begged and begged for me to stay and so I did. She was so certain she wanted to leave and had wanted to leave many times before she met me but just was too weak and had no means to do it.
Now she is cold. She is so confused and lost. Depressed. She says she still loves me and more than she has ever loved anyone before (she showed it before she left). I feel I fulfilled her romance needs and she would go home for her 'protection'. Now she doesn't have that anymore.
Will we survive? Thanks...
The Answer
Look, you can't ask for advice but expect people to suspend all judgement. We have to make some judgements about your situation in order to give you advice.
In my judgement, she sounds like a user. Not an intentional, malicious user, but someone who ends up playing that role. She sounds like someone, maybe due to past abuse in her life, who has not entered the relationship with you as a full person. She doesn't see herself as your equal. She doesn't value herself or trust her ability to manage her own life or perhaps doubts she can survive without a (overbearing) male. The end result, is that your best intentions are taken advantage of by someone who isn't capable of a mature and loving relationship with you.
She might love you. That doesn't mean she is necessarily capable of being a loving partner right now. There is a huge difference between the feeling of love (which you can't usually control) and the behaviour of being loving (which you have complete control over). Being 'in love' doesn't automatically mean you have the skills to behave in loving ways to another person.
Tell her to get her butt into therapy, and you should go as well. She seems well enough aware that she is carrying a lot of baggage and you've both had a year of upheaval, and your bonded over that shared crisis. Your relationship was built on a foundation of fantasy and escapism. Lots of relationships start that way, but now you are going to have to learn to be okay together in the normal, everyday conversations and compromises that make up a real relationship. There is no shame in admitting that you both need some help getting to that place and learning how to do that.
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The Question
What are explicit photos
The Answer
Explicit means "clear" or "leaving no room for confusion or doubt".
Usually, when people say "explicit photos" what they mean is that the photos are explicitly sexual in nature - obviously clearly sexual. Usually that means nudity, but nudity doesn't necessarily have to be explicitly sexual.
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The Question
I am 14 and I have 3 siblings all older. I really want a puppy. My mom is all for it but my dad makes up a million excuses for me not to get one. He says that money is a problem but I found cheap insurance and I am paying for the puppy and everything that it needs (bed, food, ect.) Then my dad says that it will scratch the furniture, but I know that if I train it correctly it will not. Also he thinks that he is the only one that will take care of it. Because when I was an infant and all my siblings were 7 and under he complains that he had to take care of it. I was an infant how was I supposed to take care of it. I have tried everything trying to convince him and every time I bring it up he just gets all frustrated and walks away. It is extremely frustrating how he refuses to listen to me. So if anyone has any ideas or knowledge about dogs and is willing to give me advice it would be much appreciated. EVERYTHING HELPS!
The Answer
Here's the tough thing you might need to face. Sometimes, someone can't be convinced. It's possible that your dad, just doesn't want a dog in his house. If that his opinion, nothing you say or do is going to have much of an impact.
I know how frustrating it is when your parents aren't listening to you, but it might be time for you to listen to him. Ask him if ever wants a dog. If he likes dogs or what kinds of dogs he likes. If wants any sort of pet in his house, ever.
It's his house, and it's his money. I have to be honest, when you say, at 14 years old that you are prepared to pay for insurance and food, I'm pretty skeptical. My dog costs me around $200 a month, if you average out his food, toys and vet care. That's a lot of money for a 14 year old to commit to bringing in, every month, for the next 10-15 years of a dogs life.
And that is the other big issue: You are 14. It's not that you are too young for a dog, it's just that your life is going to change so much during that dogs life! You are (probably, hopefully) going to move out of your parent's home before the dog's life span is up. What happens to the dog then? Are you prepared to organize your life in such a way that you can continue to care for a dog? (That means never living in a dorm, and coming home or waking up early to care for the dog while you are a young adult. It will often mean paying more in rent for a dog friendly place to live...)
I get it must be frustrating for you to feel like your dad isn't listening to you, and I think everyone should have a dog, because dogs are wonderful creatures that make our lives better! But that doesn't mean that everyone is capable or wants to care for a dog for it's whole life. At fourteen, it's just not sensible to assume that your life is going to be stable enough to care for a dog for the next 10-15 years. It's just not a commitment you are ready to make in your life. I mean really, a dog lives longer than most marriages last these days! There are just too many changes on the horizon for you. Your dad is the adult, and if you can't care for the dog, it will fall to him and your mom by default. If they (or one of them) just aren't comfortable with that, then that is something you need to respect. No amount of convincing will necessarily change someone's mind when it comes to this.
I always wanted a dog. It took me till I was 27 to have a life where I could commit to be the great dog owner I wanted to be. And yes, I'm sure I would have loved the dog just as much if I got it at 18 or 20, but I definitely wouldn't have cared for it as well, and would have missed out on other opportunities because of my responsibility to the dog.
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The Question
Hi, I am sixteen female, obviously. But over a month ago I had sex with this guy. He didn't get off, and wore a condom, but, I do know that an erect penis leaks semen. My condom was probably ruined because of the place I had it in my purse. Anyways I had been off mt period for about three days when I had sex. I have nor had an actual period since then. Two weeks or a little over after I had sex i had this weird brown spotting for around four or five days and it went away completely. My lower stomach is beginning to feel a little "hard" or "different as well. My period is now late, and I've also been getting very bloated and constipated easily. I get headaches and hungry easier and I'm urinating more frequently. I took a test like three weeks ago and there was a faint line at first but it went away? Could I be pregnant?
The Answer
You should take another test. Most don't claim to be accurate until 3 days - 3 weeks after your missed period.
Is it possible that you are pregnant? Yes, I suppose it is. I suspect you aren't, and that you are psyching yourself out, and that your 'symptoms' are mostly in your imagination and being caused by stress. I think that is the most likely explanation.
As difficult as it is, the best thing you can do for your body and your mental health is try to relax. There is very, very little semen in pre-cum. Although it is possible to get pregnant without the male ejaculating, it's not highly likely. Between that fact, and the condom, I doubt very much you are pregnant.
If I had to put money on it, I'd put my money on 'Not Pregnant'. However, it is certainly possible, just really unlikely.
Take another test. If it comes back negative, you MUST relax. Your stress is probably just throwing your body for a loop. Many women's period wont come, or will be delayed, by extreme stress.
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The Question
Im a senior in high school turning 18 in a week. There is new teacher at our school and she is gorgeous.I have a big crush on her.I don't have her class or anything but i see her in the halls sometimes and I always give her the biggest smile and give her a look.Im just wondering what do you guys think I should do.I don't want her to get fired or anything just over a crush but I do believe im in a little bit of a better situation than most people having crushes on there teacher since I don't have her class and I actually really do have feelings for her
The Answer
In the vast majority of cases, the way the law is written, it would still be illegal for her to have any sort of romantic relationship with you. Her being a teacher at your school is enough. That places her in a position of authority over you, and mosts laws will still expressly forbid it. Your being 18 wont matter.
Even if the letter of the law doesn't forbid it, her employment contract will. She would most certainly be disciplined, or fired, should anything happen with you while you remain a student, even if you are over 18.
You seem like a smart guy. Some of the people who come here just refuse to see the risks in this sort of situation, but you clearly respect her enough to realize that what you are looking for might be dangerous or unwanted for her.
It's okay to have a crush. You are going to have lots of them in your life. Some of them, you'll never act on for a bunch of reasons. Frankly, this is one you'd be better off not acting on. You put her at risk and in a very tricky situation if you express a romantic or sexual desire for her.
I think the best thing you could do is nothing, and appreciate that this is one of those crushes that you shouldn't act on. If you feel you MUST act on it, write a letter to her expressing your interest AFTER you have graduated. That would be the way to handle this that is most respectful of her and her career.
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The Question
It was New years day when I met him on the internet. I was on this site called Omegel .I wanted to make a few guy friends ,anyways I started talking to this one guy .He was cool.He asked for my age and I told him I was 14. He told me he was 18 .I really like talking to him and I really wanted to be friends.So I told him that I wasn't looking for a relationship n that I don't send nudes.So we exchange numbers.He had a girl friend n they were kind of fighting,so I faced him advice .but at the end he ended up breaking up with her.Anyways we would stay up every night talking.I told him my real age,and he was cool with.He told me his darkest secrets so did I,then one day he told me he loved me.I wasn't sure what he meant ,so I said I loved him ,and we ended up staying up another night texting ,but now the texts messages we send to each other are getting shorter and shorter because were always busy .He lives in Michigan and I live in California .(I'm a girl) I don't know what to do we haven't talked to each other in a few days .should I end our friendship or fight for it?(sorry for it being long)
The Answer
You should end the friendship.
The truth is, there wasn't quite enough to base a really strong friendship on. You are talking over a long distance, and you are also talking across a large amount of years.
At 18, he should have a different idea of what he wants from a friendship or relationship than you. There is nothing wrong with that, it's just the way things should be.
It's sad anytime a connection drifts away, but the best thing you can do is appreciate what you had, and recognize that those wonderful conversations were all you had to offer one another given the situation.
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The Question
There's this guy in my class that's just really creeping me out. He's starting to text me everyday now (He tries to find excuses to text me) and it's just annoying and creepy. I text back because I don't want to be rude... Yesterday, I made it clear that I'm taken. I don't like this guy at all I like someone else. He also told me he liked this other girl, which is a good thing I guess, but he's just overall really creepy. I blocked his number now for good, but how do I avoid talking to him at school? Just ignore him? Please help as soon as possible. Thanks x
The Answer
Blocking him was an okay move, and yes, you should ignore him at school. You could even just be honest with him if he tries to speak to you and say "I don't want to talk to you."
Sometimes 'trying not to be rude' can actually leave us behaving even more rudely then if we had just been honest. You don't need to call him names, or tell him he is creepy, but the kindest thing you can do is be clear. Don't text someone (or talk to someone) who makes you uncomfortable just to be nice. Instead, realize that being nice means saying as much when you don't want to talk to someone at all.
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The Question
Hello, I'm a freshman in college majoring in sociology. I love the mind and people and learning how to get inside of people's heads and finding out why they do what they do and such. However, lately, I've been thinking that having one major is going to be very hard in the future for job searching. So, I was going to pick up another major and a minor. I was going to double major in sociology and psychology and minor in criminal justice.
I'm on here, obviously for advice to see what you guys think of that? I know that what I decide to do with my life is my decision but what kind of jobs do you think I would be able to get with those, do you think it would be easier for my future to find a job?
Thanks!
The Answer
You also need to consider what is manageable and affordable.
I did a double speciality and a minor while I was in university - it's a slightly different system, but the result was that I ended up owing about $1200 more in tuition, and taking extra course load in order to graduate in the standard 4 years. That means 3-6 extra hours of classes in most weeks, and the required homework.
I enjoyed it, and I'm glad I did it, but it didn't have a meaningful impact on my job prospects.
Your best bet is really to talk to an academic advisor at your school. They'll have the best idea of what it would really take, in terms of time, money and effort, to do a double major. Sometimes two majors are very simple to pair up, and just restricts your choices of class a whole lot. Some majors don't fit together well at all. An academic advisor at your school will have the best idea about the programs you are actually looking at.
Picking up the minor is probably a simple matter and a good idea. Doubling your major is a more serious consideration, and one you should talk over with someone who knows your school and program much better than we can.
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The Question
My boyfriend is going bankrupt, I'm doing all I can to help. His house and cell got cut off, and so did his internet. But even before he still hardly ever called so I could make sure he was okay. Always too busy trying some shit get rich scheme. He's been staying with this one guy and the guy let him use his internet and phone to tell me what's going on. Well tonight he posted a status but didn't message me back. I sent him a dear john letter basically and fumed. But I think I maybe pregnant, am I overreacting or should I be mad?
The Answer
You are certainly entitled to feel mad, and scared.
Even if you aren't pregnant, it doesn't sound like this a person you'd feel comfortable being in a relationship with. He's irresponsible and non-communicative.
So take a look at the possible pregnancy and this relationship as separate issues. If you are pregnant, and choose to have the child, you'll always have to deal with this guy to some degree, but even still, you aren't obligated to stay in a relationship with him.
If I were you, I'd make a clear decision about the relationship. Dealing with the pregnancy can happen later, if it needs too.
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The Question
don't see how I am obsessive because I am attracted to a girl. I don't think it is illegal to try to convince a girl to want you instead.
The Answer
I never said it was illegal - you are fixating again and trying very hard not to acknowledge what is actually being said to you.
It's immoral, inappropriate and disrespectful to attempt to interfere with someone's relationship. It sucks. It's a dick move. Lots of things are totally wrong, but not criminal.
You are obsessing. You've asking dozens of questions, and dozens more follow up questions. You don't have an intimate relationship with her at all, but you've tried to convince us (and yourself) that little things she's done mean she feels something for you (it doesn't.) You have constructed a fantasy around her.
This is not how healthy people express their attraction to a girl. This is abnormal, obsessive behaviour and thinking on your part.
I'm done repeating myself. Go see a counsellor if you still have questions. It's clear you have no interest in hearing what is being said to you here.
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