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Feeling guilty for tax refund - mom needs the money
20/f
I'm feeling guilty. Last year, I marked myself as a dependent and my mom had to go through the trouble with her accountant on trying to do everything and to grab my paper work. Because I was a dependent, I didn't get any money from my school but my mom did. She didn't tell me that she got $1,000 and she kind of went off to another country to go to the doctor.
I got frustrated because that summer, I had to pay for college out of my own pocket because I wasn't offered summer financial aid. I told her that she should have told me so I could save the money to put into my college tuition because I didn't know how to pay $2,000 dollars for summer, I didn't get accepted for any loans, and I worked in retail. It was too much money to try to get in such a short amount of time. So, I had to borrow money from my sister's boyfriend.
I told my mom that next time, I was going to mark myself as independent so then I can save money for graduate school. And she threatened me, saying how she won't pay for anything anymore. How she won't help me at all if I needed it. She never really did help me pay for anything, so I agreed.
2013, I started working more. I was still going to school. I pulled out a few loans since I was going to graduate in December. I was pretty much paying for myself and taking care of myself. I was planning on taking a year off after I graduate to try to pay off the loans, save some money for graduate school, go to the doctor, and pretty much take care of things I needed to do so I would not have to worry about it.
2014, I filed my taxes right when I got my 1098-t form. Two days after I did, my mom came up to me and asked for my files because she said that her accountant said she would gain more money back if we filed it together. But I was already done. Even though after that conversation a year ago, and even though I do have that plan, I feel guilty of filing my taxes without her. Did I even do the right thing?
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I hate to be the bearer of bad news but mom is entitled to take you as a dependent if she is responsible for over 50% of your support. This is how the tax law is written and how the IRS will interpret it.
I would suggest when you get your refund you put it in the bank and not spend an of it as all or part of it will be reclaimed by the IRS if mom files with you as a dependent. Which she may and can do. Just because you did not file jointly does not mean she cannot file with you as her dependent.
How I know this is when my son was your age and away at school he did his taxes taking himself as a dependent. Not knowing this I too took him as a dependent. The IRS computers caught it and sent him a correction and asked for a partial return of his refund.
I don't remember how much he made that summer though it was well below $5,000. Even without taking himself as a dependent he received most of what he paid in taxes back from the state and a good portion from the federal return.
Without him as a deduction on my return I would not have been allowed to take certain deductions. Without those deductions I would not have been able to finance what I was able to of his tuition and he would have had a much greater tuition debt upon graduation.
Yes you earned the money and under general circumstances you would be entitled to any refund. If mom is paying for any part of your college, books, tuition or room and board plus your general maintenance she is entitled to take you as a dependent under the IRS rules. If you were not in college then she would not be allowed.
Did you do the right thing. I would have to say no. You did what you did on purpose so that your mom could not get what you felt was yours. As long as mom is supplying 50% or more of your maintenance she is entitled to the dependent deduction as long as you are in school or until you reach the age out limit.
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You are an adult, even though college age. If mom wanted to put you as a "dependant" on her tax form to get money back, and to use that money for herself, none for you,
then that is something she should have discussed with you prior to putting you down as a dependant.
The reason for the "dependant" part on a tax form is because it is assumed that the parent is taking full care of their college age adult child while they are going to college and usually this means school full time and the child is not earning money or at least nothing substantial. The financial burden to the parent is being considered in, in regards to any tax refund or what a parent may owe in taxes.
I don't know how well you discussed it with her a year ago but you did say that next time you would mark yourself as independant and it would seem she understood by her reaction to threaten you.
If you are paying your own way in everything and your mom is not contributing a penny, then you are indeed independant.
Evidently, the tax person who did your taxes must have agreed (by doing and signing your tax form) that you are independant based on the information you supplied if it was all correct, otherwise they may have suggested that mom file you as a dependant because you are not truly in the eyes of the tax law, an independant. As far as I can see, you have nothing to be feeling guilty over. Your mom may not be ready to let go of you as far as dependance and is 'playing' the guilt trip card and also doesn't seem to me to have all your interests in mind. Often a parent will sacrifice their real needs in choice of taking care of whats best for their children. So its possible that mom has a selfish streak if she wasn't at least willing to share the refund with you, since if it wasn't for you, she wouldn't have had that refund.
You didn't mention if you're still living with mom or not, but she may throw a fit if you live with her and pay her some rent money and kick you out. Don't cave in and promise to let her have her way next time. Too often in attempting to follow the Bibles commandment to "Love and honor the parents" we mistake that love for handing over control of our lives, instead of taking ownership of our lives and our decisions. Attempting to please parents to 'earn' their love or doing the same with any other human will only get you stuck somewhere in life, unable to move forward because 'others' are dictating what happens in your life, like directing the "play" of your life.
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You did what you and she had agreed too. You had zero obligation to revisit that conversation with her.
It's okay to feel a bit bad. It's always hard to disappoint someone we love, but it's also really, really important to recognize that just because we love someone doesn't mean we should always do what they want when it comes to our lives, or money.
Your mom has proven she isn't a good person to partner with finically. Be glad you had put your taxes in before she asked. You did the right thing, the smart things, probably the legal thing, and definitely got lucky too.
It's okay to be sorry, and even to tell you're mom you are sorry for her trouble. Being sorry doesn't necessarily mean you did anything wrong.
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