"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone." - Audrey Hepburn
I came to this site for advice about a man and love. That very question turned my entire world around and I have had my eyes opened to things I never noticed before.
I've stayed here so that I can share the knowledge I do have. I know I'm not changing the world but I do hope that I spark others to open their eyes.
"The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself." - Oscar Wilde
So, if you learn something from what I say then repeat it to someone else who can use it.
I hope that if you see an answer of mine that you enjoy it will inspire you to go out of your way to give good, solid information. Provide links for further information, detail your responses, encourage people to seek out professionals when it's needed, and stop sugar-coating responses and just say the truth.
I hope that even if you absolutely hate my answer that it'll kick start your brain. Hopefully you'll begin taking your time to respond instead of hurried answers that are useless to an already confused person.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost
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Age: 24
Member Since: October 12, 2007
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Well, I have friends at school, though I'm not totally sure who's real & who's fake. I'm very shy and don't make friends easily. I've gone from group-to-group a lot this year and have lost touch with the people I knew had my back. I felt like a 6th wheel sometimes and was bored with them, but I knew they were real. I started hanging around another group, of whom I was only comfortable & really friends with one girl. But, now, the rest of that group is nice one day, then act like they don't know me the next. Finally, the group I sit with now isn't much better. Two of the girls in that group are from the first group I mentioned. One of those girls is switching schools next year...she's also the one I'm closest to. The girls in this group do things on the weekends that I have no knowledge of. They plan things at the table when I'm sitting there and they don't even look my way while they're doing this, so they don't invite me. Then, later in the day, they have the nerve to ask me what I'm doing this weekend. When I saw 'nothing,' they just say 'oh.' So, as you can imagine, I have no contact with the opposite sex. I have a weight problem, but I'm losing weight (50 lbs and counting), so confidence is an iddue. And, lastly, associating/connecting with people is the hardest thing for me to do. I have a hard time laughing at things that I normally find funny because I'm a wreck on the inside. I've dissected this situation & my own mental state along with it multiple times. I just don't know what to do. Sorry for being a black cloud. Any advice...please? (link)
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I've basically been in this situation before.
I'm an overweight female and was heavily picked on up until about 10th or 11th grade. I didn't ever really "fit in" with any sort of group in school but I did hang around with the people that considered themselves outcasts. I now have realized I am missing a lot of normal communication skills that would have developed when I was younger.
This being said, the problem may actually be completely in your head while the other girls are wondering, "Why in the world doesn't she like us?!"
A lot of this may be social cues you're overlooking. Social cues are easy to overlook if you haven't had much practice in sorting them out in typical situations. If the group is planning to get together on, say, friday and you're sitting at the table then they are expecting you to input some ideas too unless you're completely disinterested. If you don't input anything then they typically assume that you're not interested in getting together with them for whatever reason.
If one member of the group is unsure of your interest they meet up with your later and say, "Hey, what are you going to do this weekend?!" They, usually, are REALLY saying, "So, are YOU going to go to [HANGOUT LOCATION] this weekend? I'm curious because you didn't say if you were or not." Sometimes they are wanting to know so they can forward the information to the rest of the group (you know, so they will wait on you if you're late, etc.). Sometimes they want to know because they want to go if you go or go if you don't go (for whatever reasons). Sometimes they want your input about the plans that have been made or if you have any "fun" ideas to do on friday when they all meet up (if you're going, of course).
If you've never fit in with a group of peers--and I mean TRULY fit in--then you may be missing simple social cues like these. People don't necessarily mean exactly what they say--girls especially leave underlying information within simple verbal communication. People also wait for YOU to speak up before asking for your thoughts.
It's possible that all of the groups you've been to thought you were completely disinterested in them to begin with. If you're not in the conversation willingly then why would they want to force your opinion out on topics like Friday night get-togethers? If you're not saying, "Yeah, this sounds fun, I can't wait!" then you must be unhappy with the plans.
I highly suggest that you speak up when they are making plans next time. Say something like, "Hey did you guys see the movie trailer to [MOVIE]? We should get together and see that...I'd really like it if we could." or "I had this great idea for friday too..." or "Wow, that sounds fantastic! What time should we meet?" Whatever it is that you can get yourself into the conversation with about meeting up--do it!
If you're not inputting anything into the conversation then the girls assume you don't want to be going out with them. If you've done this more than once then they're not going to pressure you any more because they assume you're not that interested in the group anyway--so they stop looking your direction for input.
Remember that these are high school girls we're talking about. They're not 30 some year olds who have experience in gathering other people in a conversation regarding friday night plans. Their communication skills are not completely developed either--a little more than basic but less than a full matured adult's. They don't typically pull people into conversations if they're not already part of the conversation or USUALLY a part of the conversation at hand.
If the group has welcomed you as a member (meaning, they allow you to "hang out" with them at school) then they expect you to peep up when they're discussing things. A welcomed member is always invited to an outing--especially when the plans were made right in front of their face. If these girls TRULY did not want you to attend their meetings then they definately wouldn't discuss it in front of you--BELIEVE ME!
Relax and let these feelings go. The girls have meant no harm and are probably thinking you're not happily fitted into the group because of your disinterest in them. Speak up when it comes to weekend plans.
If the girls push your ideas aside, stop the conversation completely, or leave out important details so that you don't know when/where they will be meeting THEN be worried that they don't want you to attend.
If you can gather enough courage up, ask them about the plans face-to-face. Say, "Hey, are we getting together this weekend?" or even, "Am I invited to this, too?" If someone approaches you about weekend plans then make conversation back! Answer with, "I'm not doing anything that I know of. Why? Are you free or planning to do something I can do too?"
By simply answering, "Nothing," you cut off the rest of the conversation. The girl reads this, really, as, "I am not doing anything. I'm not interested in hanging out with you so don't bother." That's probably why she only answers with, "Oh." She's confused and doesn't know what else to say so she has to drop the conversation she just tried to start.
If worst comes to worst, make plans when they're not. Say, "Hey, guys, if everybody is free I thought we should probably get together and ..." Initiate!
These feelings may develop into something more severe if you don't let them go and blossom out and make friends. I suggest you see a therapist. What you've described are also classic signs of Asperger's Syndrome--a communication problem that is a lower form of autism. People with Asperger's Syndrome typically miss important social cues, cannot communicate very well, feel unable to connect to peers, sometimes don't "get" funny jokes, etc. Only a therapist can diagnose a person with such disorder though.
Lastly, the humor nowadays really isn't so humorous. A lot of people laugh of painful moments (like someone getting hurt) and private sexual things. It's perfectly fine to not laugh at things that are not appropriate. We aren't suppose to think it's funny when someone falls down or drops something. We aren't suppose to think nasty things--like 2 girls 1 cup, for example--is funny or even entertaining. We aren't suppose to think farting and burping merits a giggle. Having self-respect and a brain doesn't mean something is wrong with you.
However, if someone tells a simply joke that doesn't have stupid, offense things in it then maybe you're just missing something. If someone says a completely harmless knock-knock joke and you don't find it entertaining while everyone else things it's funny then maybe you're reading too much into the joke or you don't understand WHY it's funny? Again, a therapist can help sort these feelings out.
I wish you the best of luck with opening up with these girls and becoming real friends with them. If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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I'm an 18 year old female. I've had my period for years now, and it's been a little irregular before, but never like this.
I started my period a few weeks ago. It was normal, & stopped at its usual time, but not even a week later, I started again. This time it's been going on two weeks & it's not stopping. Sometimes it'll act like it's going to stop, then it'll start up heavy again. Another thing is, when it started, the blood was really dark. It's getting normal now, though, but it's really frustrating.
I take birth control, but I kind of messed it up. I do that a lot, so I followed the directions & got back up to normal, but after a few days of having my period, I stopped taking it to see if that would make it stop. I've messed up my birth control before, but it never did this. And I really don't want to go to the doctor unless I have to, I have enough health problems as it is & I get so tired of doctors.
Any idea of what could be causing this, & what I could do? Thanks. (link)
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You are bleeding too much for your own health and safety. Please see a doctor. Find a way and just do it.
Not even a week between two full-blown periods is not healthy or safe. Heavy Bleeding longer than 5 days is also not healthy or safe for your body. This is very dangerous to your body.
Your body bleeds quite a bit of blood and uterine lining out during your period. Because of this it will take a good week and 1/2 or more for your body to get back up to "normal" if it was "normal" to begin with. Sometimes we weren't "normal" when we started our period so it will take even longer for our bodies to health back up to normal health. You may FEEL better, but remember that the uterine lining must repair itself in between cycles.
Regardless if the period is light or heavy, this is NOT healthy. It's hard on your body and you can develop anemia very quickly allowing this to happen.
It isn't normal, no matter what other users want to say. NOT NORMAL! NOT HEALTHY! YES, DANGEROUS! Your body simply cannot function healthily having a full-on period with a few days in between of no bleeding. Those few days isn't even giving your body enough time to heal, which will lead to complications regarding possible scarring in the uterus--no joke! A scarred uterus will not allow a baby to form properly so you would be considered infertile.
See a doctor. This can become serious in a hurry. You can quickly regret not seeing a doctor when you needed to in a couple of years when you decide to have children and find that your uterus is scarred from periods like this.
Do not stop taking your birth control now. It isn't good to stop in the middle of taking them; however, the reason you had a second period was simply because you had "stopped" and then "started" taking them again by missing pills and doubling up. If you stop taking them now, without consultation with a doctor, then you may end up bleeding for a solid month like this.
If you miss more than one pill you are suppose to give yourself a week and re-start. If you miss pills multiple times a month then you NEED to find a way to remember better because it is harmful to have your hormones flip flopping around. Hormonal birth control can really mess up your system if you're not taking it appropriately. If you need help remembering when to take the pill then purchase a watch with a timer and have it go off every day at the same time. Messing with your hormones only sends your body out-of-whack.
The pamphlet that comes with the pill usually says something like:
If you miss one pill, it is safe to double-up the next day; however, if you miss more than one pill (2+) discontinue the package and re-start in 7 days to allow your body to regulate.
Sometimes if you double up frequently your body will be confused and will shed the lining of your uterus anyway. Sometimes this breakthrough bleeding is acceptable but when it's lengthy and right after a full period then it is not healthy.
Your body thinks that your hormone levels dropped because it was time to have a period again.
I wish you well and hope your appointment goes smoothly. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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Ok im 13 and in 5th grade i got my period once then it spoted and then i got it again around september and then last february it stoped and i have not goten it this march. I have never had sex but i am worried is there something wrong with me? Is it going to come back soon? Also im getting all the cramps and etc. Please help im very worried! (link)
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It's normal to have a screwy period when you first start having your cycles, but you shouldn't ever be going months without a cycle. Having menstrual cycles regularly is healthy for our bodies. For note, when people say it takes a year or two for your cycles to adjust properly they are talking about the flow of it, duration, and menstrual cramping usually--it shouldn't take months to get a second period, it may be a few days or even a week off in the beginning though.
A "normal" woman's menstrual cycle is usually between 26 and 30 days. Anything that is out of those boundaries is usually considered abnormal and a doctor needs to check things out.
You should really see your doctor now as there could be underlying problems--serious, even. Stress, weight fluctuation, hormone imbalances, malnutrition, or even cysts on the ovaries (possibly polycystic ovary syndrome) could be the reason(s) why your period is so irregular.
A professional will be able to tell you why your periods are still odd.
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17/f
My periods have always been really regular except for my last three. The first messed up one lasted a whole 3 days longer than it was supposed to. Then a week later I had to take "the morning after pill" for the first time. A week after taking the pills I had another period. I thought that maybe the pills caused me to have another period. But then today, almost two weeks after my last period, I started another period so now I've had two periods in one month. Is this normal or should I go see a doctor about it? (link)
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Actually, to have a period that is only 14 days apart is not healthy for your body at all. 7 days in between periods is VERY unhealthy and quite dangerous to your body actually, especially when there's only a couple of weeks before you have yet another period.
Your body bleeds quite a bit of blood and uterine lining out during your period. Because of this it will take a good week and 1/2 to 2 weeks (if not a little longer) for your body to get back up to "normal" if it was "normal" to begin with. Sometimes we weren't "normal" when we started our period so it will take even longer for our bodies to health back up to normal health. You may FEEL better, but remember that the uterine lining must repair itself in between cycles.
Regardless if the period is light or heavy, this isn't healthy. It's hard on your body and you can develop anemia very quickly allowing this to happen. Your periods really should be 21 complete days apart at the least, 28 being ideal.
If I were you, I would probably wait this period out and see what happens with the next one unless this period is lengthy (then definately see a doctor). The morning after pill does really nasty things to the body so it might be your body just trying to rid itself from the dramatic increase and drop in synthetic hormones. If your next period is earlier than it should be then definately see a doctor.
Having only a week or two in between periods is very unhealthy for your uterus and can lead to scarring, especially if it's a frequent occurrence. A scarred uterus can lead to future complications with trying to get pregnant when you're ready to have a child.
See what happens with this period first. If it's longer than expected then you should probably see a doctor to make sure everything is alright. If future periods are coming sooner than they should then definately see a doctor.
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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im 14, female obviously, and i have a problem. i have had my period for a little over a year. i get my period REALLY heavy, as in i have to change my pad every hour, even really heavy ones because they feel disgusting if i dont. I want to try tampons and ive tried before but they wont go in! i thought i knew what hole they went in but aparnetly no, because it wont go in more than an inch and it hurts so badly while doing it. ive asked my mom to help me but even SHE cant get it in...and shes been using tampons for 30 years. ive considered menstrual cups, but i cant use those until something goes IN my vagina. Does anyone have diagrams or advice for me? and the reason i need tampons so badly is because im a swimmer and its such a pain to carry around so many bulky pads...THANKYOU (link)
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I definately recommend pads for your menstrual cycle. Pads can be worn during light days, heavy days, and even simple discharge days. Tampons can only be worn during your actual period or your risk of Toxic Shock Syndrome increases dramatically. You also do not need to worry about waking in the middle of the night to change your pad if you're not a heavy bleeder (and we ALL have days that we're not bleeding so heavily); however, with tampons they MUST be changed every 6 - 8 hours or bacteria will multiply so quickly it can cause some severe problems.
Symptoms of TSS include high fever, vomiting or diarrhea, severe muscle aches, a feeling of extreme weakness or dizziness, and a rash that looks like a sunburn. If you ever have these symptoms while wearing a tampon, remove it and tell an adult immediately. Have someone take you to the nearest emergency room as soon as possible.
When I tried tampons I ended up passing out over and over again within seconds of insertion. My body was obviously screaming at me that something was terribly wrong although nothing was painful at all. I often wonder if some other women have experienced this and thought it was normal because it definately is not okay to experience. I really believe it dramatically shocked my body and that's why I passed out.
My first gynecologist I had actually told me that tampons increased my risk of cancer. My mother had cancer before in her vaginal area and was told to NEVER wear tampons again because if there is any cancerous cells in there it will irritate them and cause them to begin multiplying if they aren't already. My mother was also told to tell her female children this too since we are higher risk for that sort of cancer. I asked my first gynecologist about it and he definately recommended not using tampons because of the increase cancer risk.
The longer you leave a tampon in, the higher risk of TSS you are taking. Bacteria begin to grow in the warm, moist environment of your vagina. These bacteria can grow within the tampon, enter the body from inside the vagina, then invade the bloodstream, releasing toxins that can cause a very severe, life-threatening illness.
Tampons also pull a bit of your vaginal lining out when being removed, believe it or not. This is why many women who use tampons aren't as sensitive as they once were inside of their vaginas and why many tampon-users suffer from yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis. The tampon also can leave particles behind from it, causing bacteria and yeast to grow on it. Another case is that women are frequently needing to purchase personal lubricant for sexual activities because their bodies have stopped producing enough natural lubricant to engage in such activities without problems.
The ripping of your flesh and leaving particles of material behind cannot be avoided when using tampons and could very well be why you may experience discomfort with removal or even insertion. This will not go away until you become somewhat desensitized down there--and what woman truly wants that?! Please reconsider your choice of menstrual products.
Here are some good websites about why women should stay clear of tampon-usage. Theses sites are pretty darn interesting:
http://www.thekeeperstore.com/dangers-tampons/
http://www.thebody.com/content/art497.html
http://www.earthisland.org/journal/tampons.html
http://www.frontiernet.net/~ruthb/Tampons.html
As a very last note, you may want to check out menstrual cups. Here is a link to a question about some and my answer is pretty thorough when explaining them:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=533850
If you're going to put ANYTHING in your body then your best bet is to choose a menstrual cup. They are easy to insert and remove--just as easy as a tampon. Inserting a tampon is forcing something to go INSIDE of your body.
For note, there are plenty of 13 and 14 year old girls that are using the menstrual cup. Each cup has two versions--one for pre-childbirth and one for after childbirth. Pre-childbirth is slightly smaller since the vagina has a lot of elasticity still. THAT is the one you want and it is perfectly safe to use. I've read many, many stories about mothers buying their 13 year old girl a pre-childbirth menstrual cup to use because of health reasons. Whoever told you that you can't use a cup until you insert things into your vagina was not very well informed.
If you are having problems finding the correct hole to insert the cup into, please check out:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=544540
(includes a diagram)
I'm sure you can find an alternative to tampons that is comfortable so that you don't have to put your body through that sort of mess. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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when having anal sex does the guy get feces on his penis?
and what happens? like i dont get it. haha (link)
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Fecal matter does get on and INTO the penis when engaging in anal sex. The penis is being forced into a hole that has fecal matter so it is obvious that some may wind up being shoved into the penis' little hole too.
Among the diseases with which anal sex is associated are HIV, anal cancer (seriously), typhoid fever, and various diseases associated with the infectious nature of fecal matter or sexual intercourse in general. Among these are: Amoebiasis; Chlamydia; Cryptosporidiosis; E. coli infections; Giardiasis; Gonorrhea; Hepatitis A; Hepatitis B; Hepatitis C; Herpes simplex; Human papillomavirus (HPV); Lymphogranuloma venereum; Pubic lice; Salmonellosis; Shigella; Syphilis; Tuberculosis. Using condoms will decrease these risks; however, they do not protect 100%.
Physical damage to the rectum and anus are serious and hemorrhoids, anal fissures, and rectal prolapse may occur. Damage is more likely if communication is poor or if technique is clumsy; condoms do not help protect against this sort of damage. Basically, if you don't know what you're doing or you end up doing something wrong by accident you may end up in the emergency room having surgery or stitches.
Small tears that can happen during anal sex can easily become infected. The membrane inside the rectum is VERY thin and fragile so it tears very easily. Even if there seems to be no complications the tears can be very irritating and can become inflamed later on. It doesn't matter how "gentle" your partner is, your will probably suffer some tearing and possibly even some bleeding. It can also become uncomfortable for you to pass a stool afterward.
It is also very easy to get a vaginal infection from anal intercourse if your partner enters the vagina after being in the anus because of the fecal matter that has been left on the penis. Even if he knows not to enter the vagina afterward, he may accidentally slip. The infection would be bacterial can actually do major damage to you--rendering you infertile. Really, anal sex is more likely to result in an infection than vaginal sex would.
As a note, the vaginal infection could be something simple like a yeast infection, but is usually a bacterial infection. If left untreated, these sorts of infections can cause serious problems later in life and can also render you completely infertile.
It's also common for urinary tract infections to occur after anal sex--in men and women. Yes, they are curable but they can become serious if left untreated and are, overall, rather uncomfortable to deal with. Condom usage would help your partner to avoid this complication but cannot protect against STDs or the above mentioned dangers associated with anal sex.
Incontinence has also been reported from engaging in anal sex. Basically this means that the anal sphincter loosens up from the activity. This also means that anal leakage can become an issue for the receiving end. It also may mean the inability to completely control your bowels when needed.
Many girls on here claim it hurts a lot. There really isn't a way to make it not hurt because it is endangering your body. Your body sends signals of pain because it is being HURT and you do not want to hurt your body. Serious problems come out of things like this--wanting to do something special with a partner and winding up on a hospital bed for a week while the doctor tries to sew them back together properly.
So, yes, the penis pushes into the anus and will ALWAYS have some feces on it when removed. The thrusting motions will help to push the feces into the small tube of the penis, where it may set up a nasty infection. This usually requires a hardy set of antibiotics to kill off the infection. With all of the thrusting going on (especially for couples who do not have much experience with anal sex) there is a good likelihood of anal, vaginal, and urinary tract infections for women as well.
Doesn't sound so good, does it?
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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Alright my mom now knows me and my boyfriend had sex. And she wants to just be safe and get me checked knowing his backround . Alright so I heard the like shove stuff in your vaggina and cut like skin out and I really do not want them doing that shit to me. But is that really true? (link)
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A papsmear is usually an annual thing for all women. It's best to start having the tests when you begin having periods but most women tend to wait until they become sexually active.
Pap smears can be incredibly uncomfortable. Some women experience pain while others go through it like a breeze. It really depends to on the person and how skilled the doctor is.
In my personal experience, they are extremely uncomfortable and I have been known to cry during the procedure. I know that it's something I need to do each year to make sure that I am healthy so I continue with my check-ups. The procedure doesn't last very long at all and ensures that everything is working properly and is healthy so I endure it.
In short, the doctor will take a urine sample from you first to run a pregnancy test, usually. After taking your blood pressure and asking you a few questions regarding your sexual status (be honest, they've heard it all and are not allowed to inform anybody else of the information you provide them).
They then usually send you to a clean room to completely undress and lay on a table. The table has foot rests for your heels. You will be instructed to position yourself in a manner that is helpful for the doctor to work at. They will let you know how to lay and such. You may feel uncomfortable and embarrassed at this time but it is fairly normal and the doctor has seen plenty of naked bodies.
Your doctor may do a breast exam on you to begin with. He/she may also listen to your heart and lungs and press on your body and ask if you feel any pain anywhere. The doctor will then simply look at your vaginal area for signs of infections or visible STDs after switching on a very large, bright light at your vaginal area and gloving up. They may ask a couple of questions while doing this.
The doctor then will separate the walls of the vagina with a speculum. The speculum is a slender metal (or plastic in some cases) instrument that looks somewhat like a duckbill. It may be warmed or lubricated before being gently inserted into your vagina. With the speculum in place, they can visibly see your cervix.
Your clinician will then insert a special swab, brush, or stick to wipe off cells from inside the opening of the cervix and from the outer part of the cervix. The cervix can be very tender and this scraping can cause some bleeding and discomfort. It is not unheard of for this scraping to cause your legs to twitch. None of this procedure involves "cutting" flesh of any sort.
The doctor will next place two gloved fingers into your vagina while their other hand gently presses on your lower abdomen. This identifies the size, shape, and position of your uterus, fallopian tubes and ovaries. It can also let them know if you have any masses growing or any abnormalities.
The doctor may also do a rectal exam at the end of this procedure. Not all doctor's do this but it is no big deal either. They simply slide a finger or two into your anus to feel for masses and to check the back of your uterus.
The more you relax, the smoother things will go. It's okay to ask questions throughout the entire thing and your doctor already knows you are nervous so they are prepared for all sorts of things. If something is painful, it completely acceptable to inform the doctor about it.
I hope the doctor's appointment goes well and you are healthy. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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How old were you when you lost your virginity? (link)
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14.
I was 14 when I lost my virginity to a guy that I thought cared about me.
I wasn't ready to be pregnant. (thankfully, I never became pregnant)
I wasn't ready to care for an infant though.
I wasn't ready to drop everything in my entire world to make sure I could give another life as much as they deserved.
I wouldn't have been ready to handle the way a STD would have affected my health. (Heck, I wouldn't be able to tell my mom I needed to see a doctor about it--I couldn't even tell her I was having sex!)
I wasn't ready for the emotional drama that started after I had sex.
I wasn't ready to be cheated on and left.
At 14, I couldn't list most of the STDs out there--or even percentages of people with this-that-or-the-other.
I didn't know that virgins could have STDs.
I didn't know that the 99.9% effectiveness of birth control wasn't really true--because that is for "perfect usage" and we're not perfect.
I didn't know that condoms don't protect against STDs AT ALL.
I sure enough didn't know that sex could mess with my emotional development as much as it did.
At 14, I thought I could handle it all. At 14, I thought I knew what there was to know. At 14, I thought things were safe in the sexual department and that I had things figured out to where I would always be happy.
I wasn't physically, mentally, or emotionally ready to be having sex. At 14, I don't think anyone can actually be prepared for sex.
I'm 22 now and I know a lot of things I didn't know back then though. I've been hurt. I've been cheated on. I've been used for sex. I look back now and am completely ashamed of myself for giving in to my hormones and for believing that sex was forming a strong, unbreakable bond between my partner at the time and myself. If I could go back and change it, I would. I would say, "No, it's not time..." that night and wait it out. I would be a lot happier than I am now.
I can't tell my future children about how special my virginity was to me because I practically threw it away. I can't lead by example in that department. I can't be a role model to my little sister and tell her to say, "NO!" like her big sister did to boys when they pressured--because I didn't. I don't have a special thing to share with my future husband on our wedding night and, to top that off, wearing a white gown at my wedding will be a lie.
If you're under 21 and thinking about having sex, please wait. Your body isn't even matured enough to handle a pregnancy in whole. You're still finding yourself in the world. Things around you are still fairly unstable (long-term workplace? long-term housing environment? medical coverage? life-long partner?). Give it some more time. It isn't like it's going to run away, you know? It doesn't even make sense why we're in such a hurry now...
At 14 I didn't know I would regret something so much.
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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Okay, so this is just out of curiosity, I would never mess with my birth control because I know that's bad for you. Just to clarify.
But just wondering...
I'm on Ortho Tri-Cyclen Lo. It has pills to take every day, then placebo pills to take for the week you have your period.
If someone was to skip the placebo pills and just keep taking the regular pills for two months, say, would they not get their period?
Oh, and also, do I take all 7 placebo pills or just stop taking them once my period's over? (link)
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If you were to start a new pack of birth control pills as soon as you made it to the green pills in your pack then you would still have a period, only it might be more screwy than usual. Typical results are experiencing light bleeding during the ENTIRE month or break through bleeding throughout the following month. It may take the body another month or two after that to even out and stop break through bleeding.
It SOUNDS like you could skip that week and miss your period but that isn't how the body was designed. If you were to do this long-term then you would probably begin to miss periods; however, then you have to take into account that it is extremely unhealthy for a woman to go without menstruation (the lining of the uterus becomes thicker).
Take all 7 placebo pills during that week. Do not miss one. If you skip one and end your period week early your entire cycle may be messed up. Take all 7 pills and start the new pack when you finish all of those. You have exactly 7 so that your body gets on a specific schedule and your ovaries do not release eggs--if you mess with that schedule too much then you will have an increased chance of pregnancy.
Simply take all of the pills as directed.
If you don't take them as directed then the 92% effectiveness of preventing pregnancy drops. (The 99% they advertise, by the way, is for perfect usage in the laboratory setting. We simply cannot achieve that. That being said, hormonal birth control pills are only about 92% effective.)
Take the pill at the same time each and every day. Even the placebo pills. Yes, they're just placebos but it helps keep your mind remembering the pills on a schedule.
Take all of the pills--including placebo pills--in the package before starting another one.
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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so we all know that for a girl, when she loses her virginity, its painful for the first time. the more you have sex, the pain is supposed to go away and turn into pleasure. ive had sex 14 times and i still dont really enjoy it. i know that as soon as u do it, your not going to get that mind blowing action. no, i just am curious why its not pleasurable. any clue? i feel retarted for asking that. (link)
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Many, many women have sex and NEVER in their entire lifetime actually enjoy it, orgasm, or have a "feel good" time. Only 25-30% of women orgasm regularly from vaginal penetration (penis in vagina sex) alone. This being said, there are fairly good chances you won't ever have sex that feels "amazing" or anything that you imagine it should be.
A lot of young women keep having sex with various partners because they're looking for that magical, mind-blowing sex they've heard about from their friends. The problem is, everyone really thinks sex should be awesome the first go-around--or the seventh go around--but you need to realize that it simply isn't for most women. This being said, when young women now say they have been with 15 guys in 6 months because it's so "addictive and wonderful" it tells me that they had sex with those guys, trying to figure out WHY it isn't mind-blowing.
Of course, nobody is going to admit that, but I will. And, no, love has nothing to do with it--you can deeply love someone but always have awful, unfulfilling sex.
I've had really, really bad sex before. I've had really, really awful sex with two men. Sex I pretended was fairly good, sex I ended up figuring out as, "This must just be normal...wow...what a freaking waste of time." I never told my female friends that the sex I had was boring, uneventful, and stupid though. Who wants to be the girl that says, "My boyfriend really SUCKS in bed. He's horrible," or, just simply, "I NEVER have a good time in bed..."
After the first time, I figured it would get better but it didn't. After the 5th time, I kept expecting it to get better--but it never did. Eventually (after MANY more sexual encounters with the first man) I had a second partner and I expected that sex to be better than my previous encounters--but it wasn't! Turns out, I was just finding out that what all my little girl friends at school were saying about their experiences with so-and-so-boy were all very stupid lies.
See what I'm saying? ;)
Don't expect miracles at any point. That's all.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me!
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So usually during the week, I skip going to the gym for a day, maybe 2. I skipped going last Friday, then I've been going every day since Saturday, but I don't want to go today. I've eaten altogether about 500 calories in all my 3 meals, and I'm going to a spin class tomorrow morning, so is it okay to not go once out of a week? (link)
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Absolutely!
For your body to produce the right amount of muscle you should be doing strength training only 3 (or 4 times maximum) a week. Any more than that can actually tear your muscles too much and cause muscle fatigue, making it harder for you to gain and maintain the shape you desire.
The days you do not go to the gym and work out, you still should do some aerobic exercise to get your heart rate up for a little while. Do not work out like you do in the gym--not heavy lifting, pulling, or pushing against. Spinning class sounds perfectly acceptable to do on your days off of the gym. Spin class, jogging, brisk walking, etc. are all acceptable forms of aerobic exercise.
For best results give your body about 36 or more hours between gym work outs. Any less than 36 can over strain the muscle groups. Those hours are crucial because your muscles are repairing themselves from the previous workout.
Make sure to stretch after each and every work out you do. Stretching actually helps to lengthen the muscles, and helps keep air pockets out of tiny tears that develop naturally during exercise. Stretching after a good work-out actually increases lean muscle tissue by about 19% more than if you chose NOT to stretch. For some good stretching techniques, take a look at this chart and follow it as instructed (it's the basic Curves stretching but is, by far, the best stretching techniques I have seen):
http://www.curvesforum.com/documents/flexchart.jpg
So, for gaining the best results from proper exercise what you really are wanting to do is:
Monday: Gym / Strength Training (pushing, pulling, lifting, etc.)
Tuesday: Spin class / Jogging / Exercise DVD / Brisk walking (keep heart-rate up for about 45 minutes or longer)
Wednesday: Gym / Strength Training (pushing, pulling, lifting, etc.)
Thursday: Spin class / Jogging / Exercise DVD / Brisk walking (keep heart-rate up for about 45 minutes or longer)
Friday: Gym / Strength Training (pushing, pulling, lifting, etc.)
Saturday: Spin class / Jogging / Exercise DVD / Brisk walking (keep heart-rate up for about 45 minutes or longer)
Sunday: Rest. (or, if you MUST exercise choose aerobics: Spin class / Jogging / Exercise DVD / Brisk walking)
Also remember to be drinking enough water to keep yourself hydrated. Water will help your body heal more efficiently. It's recommended you drink 64oz of water each and every day.
A well-balanced meal is better than simply counting calories. You can get 2,000 calories a day with healthy foods or with junk food, you know? Make sure what you eat is well proportioned and and healthy as possible. Healthy choices makes for happy hearts.
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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Hello! So, in two weeks I am going to Universal Studios in Orlando with a group of students from my school. I really want to have a good time on the trip but I'm scared because I know everyone is going to want to ride rollercoasters and things but I might be too big to ride anything. I mean, 2/3 years ago at our county fair, the bars on rides fit me tightly and I've gained 100 + pounds since then so I can almost guarantee I won't be fitting on any rides. I don't know what to do!! If I try to get on a ride and am told to get off, I'll be humiliated. If I don't get on any rides with my friends I'll look like an idiot cause I'll be the only one that didn't get on anything and again, I'll be HUMILIATED. :'( What am I going to do???? (link)
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Believe it or not, what you see in the mirror is what your peers see too. Everyone is probably well-aware of your size and won't mock you or be offended if you cannot fit into a ride. It may FEEL embarrassing to you, but your peers probably suspect this may be a problem anyway. If anything, expect someone to try to console you for not being able to ride the ride--not laugh at you for it. Everyone is probably thinking the same thing when they see that you're going to be going with them, "I hope she can fit into the seats to spare her embarrassment..."
This being said, many parks offer "test seats" to allow a person to see if they are able to fit comfortably, that way patrons avoid the embarrassment of being turned away because of their size/proportions. "Test seats" are usually available near the line to go into the specific ride in question. Personally, I think if you're going to attempt the ride you should try the seat out first--even if it LOOKS like a bigger seat. Your peers will know what you're doing but you will feel better than getting all the way up there and having to leave.
If you are in the middle of the line and finally get to a "test seat" and find out that you're too large then don't worry, continue through the line with your friends. When you get to the ride itself, just walk through the seating instead of sitting down. I went to quite a few theme parks and have walked through the PLENTY of seating to wait at the end for friends to finish up. This wasn't actually because of my size though--I just simply did not want to ride that specific ride (in some cases I had a headache) but they wanted me to tag along with them in line. Lots of people walk through the seating--it's VERY common--and the next person in line will be thrilled they don't have to wait for the next set of carts to come for them.
That also applies to getting to the actual ride and seeing the seats up close (say you're next in line to be seated). If you can visually SEE that you're simply not going to fit then walk through like it's no big deal. Like I said, it's very common for people to not ride the ride after waiting in line with their friends.
If you can fit into the test seat and "buckle" yourself in to where the bar/latch actually "clicks" then you're good to go. Nobody is going to kick you off the ride if you can secure yourself in. The only reason they make people leave is for safety reasons--you can't just let a large man or woman "hope" they don't fall out simply because the safety belt/bar wouldn't latch properly, you know? If the bar/belt latches--you fit and can ride.
However, to much surprise, theme parks are now creating larger seats for larger people on certain rides. They aren't exceptionally common though so you could probably only expect one or two rides in the entire park to POSSIBLY have accommodating-size seating. [RECENT EDIT: I just read that Universal Studios in Orlando Florida actually offers (in majority of their rides) special seats for larger sized guests. // ANOTHER EDIT: I have contacted Universal Studios of Orlando, Florida in regards to their attraction seating PLEASE CHECK BACK HERE WITHIN THE NEXT COUPLE OF DAYS. I WILL POST THE INFORMATION THEY SUPPLY ME WITH SO THAT YOU MAY HAVE AN EASED MIND ON WHETHER OR NOT YOU WILL BE ABLE TO FIT THE ACCOMMODATIONS!]
Your weight itself is not the actual issue. Sizing is where this may become problematic. Most roller coaster seats don't accommodate people over size 16 or 18, on average.
You're not going to look like an idiot because you cannot fit into a ride. MANY people cannot fit into rides now.
A good suggestion here is to start a good diet and exercising program right now. You won't lose much in two weeks but you'll be able to keep up with the group during the trip. There's nothing fun about having to lag behind or having the entire group lag behind because you're too large to keep up with the smaller, more-fit students. In the process you may lose a few inches, which may end up making it possible for you to fit into a ride or two.
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this is a completely random question but iwas just wondering, can you have sex and have a 0% chance of pregnancy if you didn't start your period yet? (link)
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You can become pregnant, actually, simply because you do not know when you will start menstruating.
This means that for all you know, your body has already released the egg to be fertilized. Since you have absolutely no idea if you have or haven't then you won't even know when your period is late! In this case, having sex before menstruation if scarier than having sex and waiting for your period to come a few weeks later.
Yes, there have been plenty of cases were girls became pregnant and had never had their first menstruation beforehand.
Some women start their periods a little later in life. Any time between the ages of 10 and 18 seem to be the usual times. I started my period when I was 11, I believe, while some girls on here haven't started theirs at age 16. Every body is different in when it will begin menstruation; however, nobody can predict when you will start (some people say if your mother started early you will but that is not true at all).
The average age for women to start menstruating is now 12. Any time around the age, or after that age, you're already risking pregnancy. There have even been cases of NINE year olds having their periods.
Personally, I know many people who became impregnated the same night they lost their virginity even. Some were on birth control even so that alone shows the ineffectiveness of it. So, even virgins can become pregnant--even when using birth control!
Lastly, you have to keep in mind that even virgins can have STDs. Many people contract STDs as infants and live with them their entire lives thinking that everything is healthy (and then they have a STD test one day and find shocking results). Many people contract STDs in childhood from kissing and what-not.
Nobody is safe now from pregnant and STDs it seems like. It's really worth it to just keep your legs closed.
So, now you know! :) If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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i wanna get my tongue pierced. not anything major, like 3 piercings in a row, just one in the middle.
dont ask why i want it, i just do, and i have for 3 years now. anyway.
my dad is so close to caving, but he needs a little convincing. hes worried about my enamel because he read somewhere that the ball on the piercing bangs against teeth all the time and it chips the enamel, and makes it a lot easier to get cavities...and we dont have dental insurance anymore.
so is there any way i could get a piercing and not destroy my teeth? like i was thinking i could get a regular piercing, but instead of a metal ball, just get a plastic one or something...or maybe marble, which i think is lighter than metal. not sure.
also, i smoke. and what would happen if i smoked while my tongue was still healing? is it ok to smoke while its healing, as long as i rinse real well? it is ok to smoke AFTER its done healing?
thank you to anybody who answers these :) (link)
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You can't really avoid the wear on your enamel. It isn't necessarily the chipping of the teeth (though it is more likely to happen when you have a metal ball in -.- trust me), it's that the ball will rub against your teeth even when you don't notice.
It isn't noticeable because there is no pain. Your teeth don't really FEEL much of something grazing against them so half the time you don't even know that the ball is touching your teeth. The problem is that after so long, your enamel does wear away.
Without the enamel you will get more cavities, but only on the parts of the teeth that the ball comes in contact with (so, basically, the inner side of most of your teeth).
People also tend to play with the ball sometimes, which helps to wear the enamel down even faster. Some people will accidentally have the ball "click" on their teeth while they are talking--leading to faster enamel wear.
It's the equivalent of putting ANYTHING in your mouth. If you choose plastic, it will still happen. If you choose marble, it will still happen. If you chose to put ANYTHING in your mouth for a prolonged period of time, the outcome would be negative.
A tongue stud also helps to keep bacteria thriving in the mouth. The hole is never thoroughly cleaned out well enough and it will harbor bacteria--cavity causing bacteria, at that. So, first you have worn-down enamel after prolonged wear and then you have a nice breeding ground for nasty bacteria.
Then, if that wasn't bad enough, if you bite down accidentally (and it WILL happen...trust me) then you risk actually chipping a tooth. A chipped tooth NEEDS to be seen by a dentist immediately because the chipped part had no enamel on it, leaving it completely open to harmful bacterial (that are then growing on the tongue stud).
You have to stop smoking for, at the very least, the first 4 weeks of the newly healed piercing. If you don't, you risk infection and a longer healing process. Infection can be very severe, and coupled a longer healing process you will be VERY unhappy (the first week of it is very irritating as it is, I couldn't imagine much longer or having an infection at the same time...ugh). There is a BIG rule of no alcohol-no smoking during the first four weeks of the tongue piercing. This can be difficult for some if they haven't stopped smoking prior to the piercing because the first week or so your eating habits dwindle down.
I would say, to be on the safest side possible, to give the tongue 6 weeks to heal before picking up the smoking habit again. The body is still healing through 6 weeks, 4 is the absolute minimum you could give the body for proper healing. So, if you could, give the body 6 weeks before smoking again. Then, after you smoke, make sure to brush your teeth and rinse your mouth out with some saline solution (salt water).
I had my tongue piercing for...about 4 years, I think. In the first year, I chipped two teeth. In the first year, I began to have cavities in teeth that were perfectly fine beforehand. My teeth also started to stain a light yellow because of the bacteria that was constantly growing on the stud and in the hole (yes, you can't stop it from growing there, it's just the perfect spot for them to start breeding). I Listerine, floss, and brush my teeth regularly but it doesn't make cavities disappear.
No matter what you do, it WILL wear your enamel down. No matter what you do, you WILL began to have more cavities than previously.
You simply cannot avoid it.
Think it through before doing it.
If you want good teeth, please don't do it. I wish I not had it done those years ago.
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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Hello, i was wondering if i could have opinions :]
..do you think its wierd for 14 year olds to have sex? cause thats all people talk about on here & i just wanted to know what people think about the subject.
(link)
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I think having sex at age 14 is a very bad choice (trust me, I know).
At 14 you're simply not ready to handle all that sexual relations entails. There's always a risk for STDs (virgins can even have them) and dealing with STIs are just as complicated. A unplanned pregnancy can lead to malnutrition of the young mother and hard decisions (abortion? adoption?).
Abortion can hurt the woman severely--mentally AND physically. Adoption can leave her with feelings of unwritten paths--the what-ifs may end up consuming her later in life.
Having sex puts a person in a very vulnerable position. Feelings develop that weren't there before for some, and bonds can become stronger. With each strengthening though, there is more risk of a complete cut-off though. A hard break-up that takes years to get over. A fight that consumes the relationship. Guilty feelings overcome some. Feelings of paranoia consume others.
Trust me, I know.
I was 14 when I lost my virginity to a guy that I thought cared about me.
I wasn't ready to be pregnant. (thankfully, I never became pregnant)
I wasn't ready to care for an infant though.
I wasn't ready to drop everything in my entire world to make sure I could give another life as much as they deserved.
I wasn't ready for the emotional drama that started after I had sex.
I wasn't ready to be cheated on and left after I had planned to spend years with the guy I had lost my virginity to.
Sex can break relationships so easily. It brings a whole new plate to the table. Relationships break up easily because "sexual incompatibilities"--which is just another term for, "We were too young to figure out how to compromise, sexually."
At 14 your emotional development is not finished. Having sex halts so many things that could have been. Instead of seeing a partner in a non-sexual sense, you are practically consumed with the idea of sexual relations with them. You can't just go to a theatre and enjoy a movie then. You can't just sit in your room and talk and giggle. You can't just BE with each other. You have to be on each other, in each other, etc. It really strains the emotional development of such a young person and may make them more vulnerable to harmful relationships in the future.
Sex at 14 isn't what people think it might be. At 14, I thought I could handle it all. At 14, I thought I knew what there was to know. At 14, I thought things were safe in the sexual department and that I had things figure out to where I would always be happy.
I'm 22 and I know a lot of things I didn't know back then though. I've been hurt. I've been cheated on. I've been used for sex. I look back now and am completely ashamed of myself for giving in to my hormones and for believing that sex was forming a strong, unbreakable bond between my partner at the time and myself. If I could go back and change it, I would. I would say, "No, it's not time..." that night and wait it out. I would be a lot happier than I am now.
At 14, I couldn't list most of the STDs out there--or even percentages of people with this-that-or-the-other. I didn't know that virgins could have STDs. I didn't know that the 99.9% effectiveness of birth control wasn't really true--because that is for "perfect usage" and we're not perfect. I didn't know that condoms don't protect against STDs AT ALL. I sure enough didn't know that sex could mess with my emotional development as much as it did.
Sex can really hurt a 14 year old because nobody--and I really mean NOBODY--is prepared at 14 to be engaging in sexual relations.
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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f/16
I think I'm a lesbian and I'm not too sure of how I should break it to my family and friends. Lets be honest I'm petrified. Not too worried about my family but my friends I'm very scared about telling, considering most of them are girls and will probably be scared away from me. Can someone please give me some advice on how I should break the news without all my friends running a mile. I need to get it out soon or I think I might just die with worry. (link)
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First of all, once you "come out" you can never "go back in" or change your mind. You simply cannot. If you changed your mind you would be ridiculed by everyone, especially behind your back. People would say things like, "She has no idea what she is! First she's straight, then she's gay, then she's not gay! How stupid! She's so doing it for attention!"
Secondly, the idea that you "think" you're a lesbian is not valuable enough to merit a "coming out" conversation to anyone. You have to completely, 100% sure that it is the lifestyle you want to lead.
Do NOT "break it" to anyone yet.
Next up, it appears that you aren't as much as a lesbian as you may be thinking at the moment. According to your previous questions (yeah, I have a paid membership so I can see all of the questions you asked before this) you were interested in men less than one year ago (your friends ex; wanting to be attractive height-wise to guys).
I would say that you're simply confused at the moment. I also say that you should pick up the Bible and begin reading, as homosexuality is a sin. If you are, indeed, a homosexual female then this site might help you turn back to God:
http://familypolicy.net/hope/?p=399
Yes, real men and women who use to be in complete homosexual relationships...who are now deemed straight after turning to God for help!
"Thousands of people have overcome homosexual desire. A network of ex-homosexual organizations called Exodus (# 1-206-784-7799) has several hundred affiliates around the world. Exodus helps strugglers through Christian support groups, prayer, and biblical teaching. Some psychologists can help homosexuals overcome homosexual desire through individual counseling as well. Many ex-homosexuals go on to marry and have children."
The Bible is very clear about being against homosexuality. To CHOOSE to be homosexual is like spitting in God's face, especially after you've read His word.
"Scripture is very clear about homosexuality. There are dire warnings in the Bible about homosexual practices, both for individuals and for communities. Read Genesis 19, Leviticus 18:22, Leviticus 20:13, Romans 1:26-27, 1 Corinthians 6:9-11, 1 Timothy 1:10, 2 Peter 2: 6-10, and Jude 6-7. Some say that because Jesus did not explicitly mention homosexuality, it must be permitted. But He never mentioned rape or incest either--are we to believe these are acceptable? And Jesus was God, who had already made His will known in the Old Testament. Jesus affirmed in Matthew 19 and Mark 10 that marriage is ordained for one man and one woman. How can those who call themselves Christians deliberately twist the word of God?"
Society is now glamorizing homosexuality and pressuring young teens and adults into forming same sex relationships.The media (movies, books, television, music) keeps feeding us this crap about NEEDING to be different. With that "need" has come the "need" to change our sexuality. It's fed to us every single day, take for example:
Will & Grace
"I kissed a girl" by Katy Perry
Jeffrey Starr
Ellen Degeneres
Seriously, Jeffrey Starr is a big hit and he's flamboyantly gay. Will and Grace was a huge show and the main characters are "wonderfully" gay. Ellen Degeneres has her own TV show and is a big star now because she's out and gay (seriously, what does she EVER do well?). Nothing is special about Katy Perry's song but it's been played on the radio so many times that people have it memorized. People are being told that homosexuality is glamorous, unique, and desirable--that's why there are more and more gay people every day.
The media can make you believe anything if you listen long enough. The media has told us to become more sexually promiscuous and we have. The media has told us that 13 year olds are equal to adults and we treat them like that now (and 13 year olds EXPECT to be treated as adults). The media tells us to buy this, that, and the other--and we DO! If we're open and listening, we're being sucked into it.
So many people have listened to the media about this that it's almost impossible to escape. Being homosexual now means entitlement, it seems. People WANT to be homosexual because now it means parades, attention, and even new rights. People who are homosexual believe they are special and unique now simply because they're homosexual. They can throw the, "They didn't hire me because they know I'm homosexual!" ticket even. It PAYS to be the "freak" now, you see, but we shouldn't want to be that sort of person at all.
There is NOTHING wrong with looking another female and thinking she is attractive. As a matter of fact, that is SUPPOSE to happen. You are suppose to be able to look at other human beings and say, "Wow, I wish I looked like that!" which is probably the feelings you REALLY have.
It's okay to look at women and find them attractive. I have looked at women and thought, "Wow, she's really pretty!" just the same as I've looked at women and said, "Wow! I can't believe how horrible she looks!" Seeing someone of your same gender as attractive is equal to being able to see your same gender as ugly. It happens. It's why we have a drive to be physically appealing.
Why do you think they have muscular men, all greased up, on those shows advertising workout equipment for MEN? Because men think that is what looks good and want to be like those model men. Why do you think they have gorgeous girls wearing bikinis in an all-women bikini shop? Because women think that is attractive and what to look like those ladies. Not because they want bed those people.
It also appears that there may be an underlying problem that you've not dealt with yet in life. The woman (from the passage below) had problems with her father. After YEARS of having homosexual encounters, lovers, and long-term relationships she sat down with her father and talked to him. She had turned to God and He had lead her to randomly have a conversation with her father one morning. Suddenly, all was clear and the homosexual fog had been lifted:
"Homosexuality is clearly an outward expression of things going on much deeper in a person - issues for many originating back to their childhood.
For homosexual men, in most all cases it has everything to do with a lack of relationship with the father. For women, the problem can rest with the mother and/or father or another male figure. For some, molestation or a premature sexual experience was the lead in to the homosexual lifestyle. Whatever the factors may have been to drive someone down that unwanted homosexual path, we must remember one thing: No one was born homosexual. To state such a fact is a tragedy, as well as cop out.
Just as no one is born an alcoholic or a drug addict, the same must be said of the homosexual. "Issues" are what bring a person down these lonely, painful paths - issues when finally dealt with will allow the person to come out of their destructive behavior. You don't need to be a psychologist to figure this one out."
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/720747/posts
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
P.S. I don't think you're bisexual, metrosexual, or homosexual. I think you're an older teenage girl who has been fed a lot of bullshit for awhile.
...and, no, I'm not a homophobe. I'm just a person who recently woke up to the world around her. It's scary and I do pray that one day you'll be able to see what I see.
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So I m 15 almost 16 and pregnant, my baby is due in late October early November. My boyfriend and I would like to stay together and raise our baby, and do the best we can we know it will be hard but we are up to it. He is a senior and graduating and taking over his dads company so money isn't an issue.
My parents are the issue, they don't like my boyfriend and think that if I have this baby and keep it then I will hand it off to them to raise. They want me to put the baby up for adoption. I think this would be very hard and I think I would regret it. What should I do? Im very confused on what I should do I don't know if I should just give the baby up for adoption or try to talk to my parents more about keeping it.
My parents always have said and still say that I am a smart enough girl to do anything I want and put my mind to but if I say I want to raise my baby and keep it they say i can't? Why are they going against what they have always said?
Also is there any way to get this pregnancy off my mind? I feel like everything I do I start thinking about the arguments at home and just being pregnant it keeps distracting me when Im at school and work and even when Im at home trying to fall asleep my mind just keeps wandering...
Sorry its long but just need help. (link)
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I think you should keep your child. As you said, if you do not then you will regret it. Feeling that you will regret something long before you do it is a big sign that it isn't the wisest choice. Many women will say they will "never" have an abortion but one day wind up doing it--only to feel regret for their actions and wish they could take them back. I know you are not aborting (thank God someone has a brain!) but the same applies--you would be upset if you did it...so when you do it, you will regret it and when you hadn't.
Sit down and figure out what you are going to do once the baby comes. Are you going to complete high school or get your GED? If so, write that down. If you are going to completely high school then write down where the baby is going to be during classes, who is going to take care of it, etc. Do not list anyone down as taking care of the child before you have discussed it with them. If it's a daycare center then list out that you'll be getting a job (even write down where you will be applying) and about how much that job pays. Figure it out.
This entire exercise is to prepare you for adulthood in a matter of hours, if not days (it may take days to complete by the time you're done with calling around and whatnot). Set your entire life up. Try to center things around your own life--trying to NOT include your boyfriend if at all possible unless you two are getting married.
You don't want to include the boyfriend in things like this because your parents are probably thinking that he isn't going to be around much longer anyway. Your boyfriend may take it as an insult but, in the end, this is YOUR exercise you are doing. (He should be doing his own, by the way). If your boyfriend is going to be tending to the baby while, say, you are in classes then it's okay to mark that down.
So, once you have the entire thing explained then you need to bring it to your parents. Show them your paper and tell them that these are your current thoughts on the subject. Don't make everything set-in-stone in case your parents have questions that you haven't addressed yet. If they bring a question to the table that you have yet to think over then ask for time before answering--even if it feels like it's a simple answer. This is the rest of your life we're talking about.
A job is pretty much required at this point. If at all possible, pick up a job while pregnant and save that money (most women work through their entire pregnancy up until the last month or so). If you don't have a job then you're not going to be able to explain where baby items are going to come from (clothing, shoes, diapers, bottles and formula is you're not going to breastfeed--which you definately should breastfeed for the health of you and your baby & it saves much-needed money--etc.) and your parents are going to assume you'll be mooching off of them entirely.
Some things you should do:
Open a bank account and put your money into it to keep better track of finances.
Make sure to determine which doctor/hospital you would take the baby to in case of an emergency or illness.
Call everyone you need to before listing them on the paper (including daycare centers for fee pricing).
Confront you parents in a non-aggressive way. Simply sit down with them and your paper(s) and say, "I was thinking for this past week and this is what I've come up with. I know it isn't much and I know there are holes here and there...but I really think I can do this."
Everything feels like a big mess right now, I know, but things will settle down eventually. You can't really "forget" about being pregnant but it helps to look forward to the baby coming. It might ease your mind to figure out where the baby will sleep and read some books about pregnancy. Some good books you might want to check out from the library (or purchase online if available):
What to Expect When You're Expecting
The Pregnancy Book
Your Pregnancy & Newborn Journey: A Guide for Pregnant Teens
The Breastfeeding Book: Everything You Need to Know About Nursing Your Child from Birth Through Weaning
The Nursing Mother's Companion
The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding
The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers
The Breastfeeding Answer Book
The Breastfeeding Book
The Breastfeeding Cafe
Our Bodies, Ourselves: Pregnancy & Birth
The Official Lamaze Guide
Easing Labor Pain
Birthing from Within
Laughter & Tears: The Emotional Life of a New Mother
Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth
The Baby Book
By reading LOTS of books on pregnancy, breastfeeding, delivery, etc then you are preparing in multiple ways. You can look forward to things the books talk about. Instead of being frustrated, scared, and confused you will feel more at ease and happy to be experiencing all that is ahead. Your parents will also notice your take-up of the books, which may earn you a few brownie points.
The more books you pick up (even if they repeat things you've already read or don't sound as interesting) the more you're going to feel better about this entire thing. Educate yourself on EVERYTHING :)
Hang in there. This takes a lot of work but you can do it! If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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I have been dating this man from India for a year now, but he still doesnt want to be in a relationship with me so he says. We started off as friends and moved up from there, but he cant be with me because I'm white and american, and it is socialy unacceptable in his culture. Around his friends, I have to act like we are just friends. We cant hold hands around other Indians, which is ok to me because I respect that that is how it is in India. He puts flowers in my hair (which is a big deal to Indians) and does nice things for me. Im not allowed to date other people even though he said we are not in a relationship, but he wont admit he loves me. I love him. I feel like Im around for his convinience, not mine. Am I wasting my time? (link)
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This man would have to give up absolutely everything he has come to know and love because of you if you two wanted to be together in a real relationship. This means that his family would disown him, his friends would not speak to him, he would even have to leave the country--his entire life would change in a matter of seconds if he let it out that he was courting a white American lady.
It isn't right to ask this of your guy, no matter how much you may love him or how much he may love you. He is stuck in a very hard place right now because he has feelings for you but knows he "shouldn't." He is doing what he can do to please both sides of this situation.
It isn't that you're wasting your time, it's that you would have to have him drop his entire life as he knows it. It's sort-of like YOU are wasting HIS time. Not many people are able to do such things, especially if they had good a childhood in a stable living areas and have friends and family they are relatively close with.
Please, leave this man so he is able to find a nice Indian woman that is socially acceptable. You are only bringing him heartache. He can only hide this for so long before he breaks. Please, don't make him lose his entire life because you want him to love you back as much as you feel you love him.
It isn't that he doesn't care.
It's that this is how his society works. This is what he has grown to know. This is what is socially acceptable. People have been killed in cold blood for things like this in other countries. They have been stoned to death even. There are even tales of people hunting them down when they move to another nearby city and being stabbed to death in their sleep.
If someone told you that you were NEVER allowed to wear shoes or socks because it was a sign of a bad thing, could you? Say you were born into such a society and it was made very clear at an early age that feet-covering was prohibited. What if it was in the middle of a hot, rocky place? What if it was in Antarctica? What if you could see the impact of no-shoes-no-socks made on the society--where you saw people actually losing toes because of the climate and conditions? Everyone would be going no-shoes, but the second you covered your feet it would be all over. At the best, you would be shunned from that society--simply because you wanted comfortable feet! You would be ruining their society, teaching their children "bad" things, and being a complete rule-breaker. If they didn't punish you, their children would follow your rule-breaking (and how else do you punish someone who does one of the biggest no-nos in society? Death.) It may SOUND silly, but that's how life works in other areas of the world. (There are some that, if you touch someone's head, you are pretty much shunned from the culture.)
Every society has big no-nos, including American society. We're actually a very, very slack society when it comes to the rules though.
The forbidden relationship doesn't just reflect your partner but it will reflect his entire family. That is how society works for other countries. If he does this "terrible" thing then the entire family's name will be tainted. It will be as if his parents had raised him incorrectly and that they were not a good family since he didn't go down the "right" path in choosing a mate. When someone is killed in other countries for doing things like this it is likely to be a family member that does it actually. That is how serious things can get.
Please, understand, it isn't that he doesn't care about you. It isn't that you're only there for "his convince." It is that he loves you but he knows it isn't right. It is that he's afraid because he knows what happens to people that do this.
Get out of his life immediately and find your own partner that can be with you. You are causing the man much grief. The more you pressure him to be open about it, the harder his life will become. Just courting you in private is a big deal--if ANYONE were to catch him, his entire life would be demolished.
He courts you in private because he does love you, but he knows that in public that cannot happen. He is trying to make you happy and is risking his entire life in the process. Please, leave him behind. It's only right to stop asking him to care about you. Tell him about understanding the society in India and that you know this relationship simply cannot be. Leave on a good note that maybe you two will catch up in some years and be simply friends.
Then never see him again.
It's hard but what he's been doing has been so much harder.
I wish you well. If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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Okay so me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 months and we're ready to have sex, he's 18 I'm 16, blah blah blah....
Anyways, I went to the store and bought a box of condoms to be prepared. I looked at all the different types and I decided to go with Trojan Spermicidal, the lubricated one. Now I already know that I do not realy need the lubricant because I get wet pretty quick but what I was wondering was how good does this kind work. I mean I know many that use it and don't get prego, but they're all on birth control and unfortunately I am not nor do I have access. My mom would flip and I don't live near free clinics.
But besides that, Can anyone maybe tell me how good these are to prevent pragnancy, maybe even what actions to take like pull out or what not? I'm only asking because the box said that they are proven to reduce the number of active sperm but scientists have not been able to figure out what percentage more.
Please help and I'm sorry it's so long. lol (link)
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Spermicide typically increases the condom effectiveness by ABOUT 5%. Condoms are, typically, about 85% to 88% effective on preventing pregnancy anyway. This being said, a condom coupled with spermicidal lube would be about 90% to 93% effective with typical usage.
Spermicidal lubrication, foam, and films are not very effective alone when not coupled with another method of "protection."
Hormonal Birth Control is actually only about 92% effective with typical usage.
The Pull-Out method is only about 25%-70% effective on preventing pregnancy with typical usage.
(Notice that the above statistics are based on TYPICAL usages--not "perfect" usage as the packaging says. We're simply not perfect beings, especially when it comes to sexual relations.)
So, chances are, you're pregnancy-protected between 85% and 93% if you only use the condom with spermicidal lubricant.
Remember, having sex means you're NEVER 100% protected against pregnancy. In addition to not being protected against pregnancy, know that NO method can protect against STD transmission. STDs can hide in the body for months, if not years, before being detected (there was a case where someone, after 10 years of no sex, found they had contracted HIV/AIDs from someone--10 years before it became obvious!). Lastly, even complete virgins can have STDs.
So, if you want to be completely safe then simply don't have sex. Otherwise you should find a way to get on "the pill", use condoms with spermicidal lubricant each and every time, and practice the pull-out method when your partner is about to ejaculate. That's pretty much as "protected" as you can get against pregnancy--but, obviously, there is still a chance of pregnancy.
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
P.S. It's probably the best idea TO use the lubrication on the condom. Sometimes we may feel we're lubricated enough but when we have a dry penis going into the vagina over and over things may get a little rough. The less lubrication, the more likely the condom will actually break (especially if there is a lot of friction and if things are tight around the penis).
If the condom slips off of the penis then the it isn't the lubrication problem--it's that the penis is actually too small for the condom and you should switch brands (by the way, this is a common problem and there isn't anything to be ashamed of in needing to find a slightly smaller condom). Some brands are slightly larger or smaller than others. So, if the condom slips--it is a size issue, not a lubricant issue!
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I don't know if this helps, but I have like bronchitis or just a really bad cough.
But anyway, I was at my boyfriend's house and we were making out and I had just given him a blow job and stuff and then I started having really bad menstural-like cramps but my period just ended like a week ago. I was ovulating too. And they kept getting worse and worse to the point where I was on the floor curled up in a ball yelling and practically pulling my hair out in pain. Then I got up to put my clothes back and got nausicous (sp?) and went and threw up and I was perfectly fine after except I was bleeding really bad like I was having a really heavy period. I am 15 and started my period when I was 13. I looked up symptoms on mayoclinic.com and I saw the exact immediate symptoms for ovarion cysts. Could this be it? What's wrong with me?
Thanks in advance! (link)
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Well, I have had experience with ovarian cysts. I had a very large ovarian cyst on one of my ovaries at one point--it was about the size of the ovary itself.
Ovarian cysts tend to cause some sharp pains in the abdomen during various times (as you said, typically when ovulation is to occur); however, heavy bleeding is not very common unless multiple cysts are present or one bursts. A burst ovarian cyst can rupture the ovary itself and can send harmful material throughout your body. (Yes, ovarian cysts CAN be cancerous.)
For note, you should never bleed during ovulation. Ovulation does not cause bleeding unless something serious is happening within the body (as said above). If you had barely spotted blood then I would have chalked it up to something else--but heavy bleeding is a very, very bad sign.
My first thought, actually, was a miscarriage since the bleeding was very heavy and pain was severe. Nausea is also related to pregnancy AND miscarriage since the body has a lot of changes happening all at once. If you're sexually active then this may be a sign that you had been pregnant after-all (yes, some women do still menstruate while pregnant--it isn't unheard of). Even if this is the case, a doctor needs to examine your body to make sure that everything is exiting right--as fetal material left in the uterus can cause some very nasty infections.
This all being said, nobody here can really diagnose your problem with anything specific since we cannot examine you ourselves with the correct equipment. Please make an appointment with your doctor ASAP or head to the emergency room. Personally, I'd take a trip to the E.R. for this sort of problem just in case things are more serious than they seem.
When you see the doctor, tell him everything there is to know about yourself, including sexual history. Handjobs, blowjobs, and being fingered all count as sexual activity so make sure to let him/her know you are sexually active in those senses if you aren't having actual intercourse (if you have had intercourse--even for 1 minute--then you need to tell them in case something is related to that).
Please, see the doctor immediately for your own safety.
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