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Coming out?
f/16
I think I'm a lesbian and I'm not too sure of how I should break it to my family and friends. Lets be honest I'm petrified. Not too worried about my family but my friends I'm very scared about telling, considering most of them are girls and will probably be scared away from me. Can someone please give me some advice on how I should break the news without all my friends running a mile. I need to get it out soon or I think I might just die with worry.
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Well if they are true friends then they will accept you for whatever you decide to do, Some of them might not talk to you as much, but the ones who do are the ones that really matter. Just slowly tell them one at a time but close together so they dont tell each other, But just come out and tell your family too and they should accept you, i mean they might have a hard time at first but they are going to have to get over it, it is your life and that is what makes you happy, and what makes you happy should make them happy. I hope i helped and good luck =] p.s. if anything else happens and you want advice go to my column and ask me i will help in whatever way i can!
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Heeey.
if their your friends you shoodnt have to worry bouut their opinion. They should support youu like real friends. Also let them be aware that just because your a lesbian does not mean you will hit on themm. You dont like every qirl you see and you need to let them knoww. You parents and family as well should be supportive of your descison.
qood luck(:
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First of all, once you "come out" you can never "go back in" or change your mind. You simply cannot. If you changed your mind you would be ridiculed by everyone, especially behind your back. People would say things like, "She has no idea what she is! First she's straight, then she's gay, then she's not gay! How stupid! She's so doing it for attention!"
Secondly, the idea that you "think" you're a lesbian is not valuable enough to merit a "coming out" conversation to anyone. You have to completely, 100% sure that it is the lifestyle you want to lead.
Do NOT "break it" to anyone yet.
Next up, it appears that you aren't as much as a lesbian as you may be thinking at the moment. According to your previous questions (yeah, I have a paid membership so I can see all of the questions you asked before this) you were interested in men less than one year ago (your friends ex; wanting to be attractive height-wise to guys).
I would say that you're simply confused at the moment. I also say that you should pick up the Bible and begin reading, as homosexuality is a sin. If you are, indeed, a homosexual female then this site might help you turn back to God:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Yes, real men and women who use to be in complete homosexual relationships...who are now deemed straight after turning to God for help!
"Thousands of people have overcome homosexual desire. A network of ex-homosexual organizations called Exodus (# 1-206-784-7799) has several hundred affiliates around the world. Exodus helps strugglers through Christian support groups, prayer, and biblical teaching. Some psychologists can help homosexuals overcome homosexual desire through individual counseling as well. Many ex-homosexuals go on to marry and have children."
The Bible is very clear about being against homosexuality. To CHOOSE to be homosexual is like spitting in God's face, especially after you've read His word.
"Scripture is very clear about homosexuality. There are dire warnings in the Bible about homosexual practices, both for individuals and for communities. Read Genesis 19, Leviticus 18:22, Leviticus 20:13, Romans 1:26-27, 1 Corinthians 6:9-11, 1 Timothy 1:10, 2 Peter 2: 6-10, and Jude 6-7. Some say that because Jesus did not explicitly mention homosexuality, it must be permitted. But He never mentioned rape or incest either--are we to believe these are acceptable? And Jesus was God, who had already made His will known in the Old Testament. Jesus affirmed in Matthew 19 and Mark 10 that marriage is ordained for one man and one woman. How can those who call themselves Christians deliberately twist the word of God?"
Society is now glamorizing homosexuality and pressuring young teens and adults into forming same sex relationships.The media (movies, books, television, music) keeps feeding us this crap about NEEDING to be different. With that "need" has come the "need" to change our sexuality. It's fed to us every single day, take for example:
Will & Grace
"I kissed a girl" by Katy Perry
Jeffrey Starr
Ellen Degeneres
Seriously, Jeffrey Starr is a big hit and he's flamboyantly gay. Will and Grace was a huge show and the main characters are "wonderfully" gay. Ellen Degeneres has her own TV show and is a big star now because she's out and gay (seriously, what does she EVER do well?). Nothing is special about Katy Perry's song but it's been played on the radio so many times that people have it memorized. People are being told that homosexuality is glamorous, unique, and desirable--that's why there are more and more gay people every day.
The media can make you believe anything if you listen long enough. The media has told us to become more sexually promiscuous and we have. The media has told us that 13 year olds are equal to adults and we treat them like that now (and 13 year olds EXPECT to be treated as adults). The media tells us to buy this, that, and the other--and we DO! If we're open and listening, we're being sucked into it.
So many people have listened to the media about this that it's almost impossible to escape. Being homosexual now means entitlement, it seems. People WANT to be homosexual because now it means parades, attention, and even new rights. People who are homosexual believe they are special and unique now simply because they're homosexual. They can throw the, "They didn't hire me because they know I'm homosexual!" ticket even. It PAYS to be the "freak" now, you see, but we shouldn't want to be that sort of person at all.
There is NOTHING wrong with looking another female and thinking she is attractive. As a matter of fact, that is SUPPOSE to happen. You are suppose to be able to look at other human beings and say, "Wow, I wish I looked like that!" which is probably the feelings you REALLY have.
It's okay to look at women and find them attractive. I have looked at women and thought, "Wow, she's really pretty!" just the same as I've looked at women and said, "Wow! I can't believe how horrible she looks!" Seeing someone of your same gender as attractive is equal to being able to see your same gender as ugly. It happens. It's why we have a drive to be physically appealing.
Why do you think they have muscular men, all greased up, on those shows advertising workout equipment for MEN? Because men think that is what looks good and want to be like those model men. Why do you think they have gorgeous girls wearing bikinis in an all-women bikini shop? Because women think that is attractive and what to look like those ladies. Not because they want bed those people.
It also appears that there may be an underlying problem that you've not dealt with yet in life. The woman (from the passage below) had problems with her father. After YEARS of having homosexual encounters, lovers, and long-term relationships she sat down with her father and talked to him. She had turned to God and He had lead her to randomly have a conversation with her father one morning. Suddenly, all was clear and the homosexual fog had been lifted:
"Homosexuality is clearly an outward expression of things going on much deeper in a person - issues for many originating back to their childhood.
For homosexual men, in most all cases it has everything to do with a lack of relationship with the father. For women, the problem can rest with the mother and/or father or another male figure. For some, molestation or a premature sexual experience was the lead in to the homosexual lifestyle. Whatever the factors may have been to drive someone down that unwanted homosexual path, we must remember one thing: No one was born homosexual. To state such a fact is a tragedy, as well as cop out.
Just as no one is born an alcoholic or a drug addict, the same must be said of the homosexual. "Issues" are what bring a person down these lonely, painful paths - issues when finally dealt with will allow the person to come out of their destructive behavior. You don't need to be a psychologist to figure this one out."
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
P.S. I don't think you're bisexual, metrosexual, or homosexual. I think you're an older teenage girl who has been fed a lot of bullshit for awhile.
...and, no, I'm not a homophobe. I'm just a person who recently woke up to the world around her. It's scary and I do pray that one day you'll be able to see what I see.
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(I think I'm a lesbian)
Okay, If you "think" you are a lesbian then maybe you should give yourself more time to be sure you are before you come out and tell your family. Like many said below me, If you tell your friends and they judge you then they were never your true friends in the first place. There really is no light way of telling someone that you are a lesbain. It's a matter of being excepted, Just tell them. They are your family and they should love you for who you are no matter what. I have many friends who are guys that are gay and I have no problem with it infact it doesn't even cross my mind half of the time. Just remember, You are who you are. Just be happy :)
xx
BahaiMa22
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Honestly - I think HS is too soon to declare your sexual orientation. Not because you are too young to know your own sexual orientation - because you are old enough. But because the majority of people in HS don't have the maturity or experience to understand, and they can potentially make an already hellish time in your life, more unbearable.
You started your sentence with "I think I'm a lesbian" vs "I'm a lesbian". That tells me you may not be too comfortable with the concept/realization yourself ... If you are not at a place where you are comfortable, how are you going to help your friends/family understand and accept your understanding of who you are?
I agree. You need to release this knowledge, talk it through, take steps in understanding yourself and letting people that love you really know who you are. If your parents share a loving and accepting relationship with you now, that will not change. They will love you regardless. Your parents resist the knowledge at first. They may even take this sliver of doubt and fear as a door to the possibility that your are 'not' a lesbian. Not necessarily because they will disapprove, but because life can be SO much more complicated initially with all the prejudices against homosexuality ... we are still in an age where homosexuality rights are being fought for and voted for. Your parents will be concerned/scared for you.
As far as your 16yo girl friends... and the HS population at large: honestly, it is none of their business what your sexual orientation is. Once you tell people of this age you are gay, they quit seeing you,and see a lesbian.
Yes, all your friends will recount the time they were naked, showering, changing, sleeping, or just hanging out with you and will analyze with fear if you were attracted to them. So be prepared for some to shy away, and for some to be curious and ask questions. Some will not give you a chance to explain and just disappear. Some will be nosy and feed upon the drama of it. Some will say, "so?"
Hopefully, those people who DO understand at HS will step forward to support you- but expect to never be treated the same by the majority of the HS population.
College life is much more open minded and inclusive. You will be older, wiser, more mature and able to handle people that aren't. With the exception of your family, I think that is a better time in your life to 'come out'.
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If they are good friends, they will not care. I am a 16 year old female as well and I have many friends that are lesbian, I don't feel any different of them as a friend. If you don't feel comfortable telling everyone, just confide in the people closest to you for now and see how that goes. Soon enough you will get more comfortable with it.
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Well honesty is always best, break it to your family and only tell the friends that are close to you. If they run then they arn't your true friends.
P.S i am bi, so i know what your going through.
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Let your family know, yes... and possibly your very close friends. But I don't believe that all your friends need to know. It isn't that big of a deal and if they are your true friends they will accept you no matter who you like... so if you tell them and they run, they aren't worth your time. I hope this helps... and good luck... It may not be that big of a deal, but it's big enough...
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