|
getting sex help
so we all know that for a girl, when she loses her virginity, its painful for the first time. the more you have sex, the pain is supposed to go away and turn into pleasure. ive had sex 14 times and i still dont really enjoy it. i know that as soon as u do it, your not going to get that mind blowing action. no, i just am curious why its not pleasurable. any clue? i feel retarted for asking that.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
Never feel "retarded" for asking questions. What's stupid is dealing with a troubling issue in silence.
What concerns me is your mention of pain.
Some women are born with conditions that cause intercourse to be painful. These conditions can be corrected through advice from your doctor and through some surgical techniques.
Pain is your body's way of telling you something isn't right. If you ignore it, there may be serious consequences later on.
It may be embarrassing to seek professional help on issues like these, but your health is more important than your pride.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
]
To put it simply, it's most probably lack of experience on both of your parts. It takes time for you and your partner to realize what works for both of you. but that's part of the fun - trying different ways where you are BOTH being pleasured.
If the ways you are trying aren't doing much for you, then try something else.
You may not achieve an orgasm from sex alone, but it should still feel good with a bit of practice.
Tip: Try clitoral stimulation at the same time, as many women find this more pleasurable than standard penetration.
]
Peeps is so wrong its ridiculous.
The figure peeps quoted is about the only true thing about the post. Its true that many women cannot reach orgasm by standard vaginal missionary penetration.
That being said, sex is supposed to feel good. When done right, its very pleasurable. If it isn't, there are a few possibilities.
You or he might just suck at it. Sex is a skill. It takes time and practice to get it right.
You might be a little young. Given this website its a distinct possibility, and younger girls are less physically sensitive when we're talking about teenagers.
You might just not be as sensitive to physical sensation. THIS can truly be a big issue, because it has some pretty varied causes. A lack of arousal due to just about anything can make things less pleasurable for you. You might be naturally less sensitive than others, different people have different capacities for their senses, and some people feel pleasure/pain type sensations much more keenly.
The trade off here is of course something that feels great to a less sensitive person might be too intense for a more sensitive person.
But more than likely, its the same problem most of the world has. You and the guy you are sleeping with are incapable of having an enlightened adult discussion about your sex, and neither of you knows what to do.
14 times is not experienced. You aren't going to get that "mind blowing action" without a decent partner who is committed to you.
The sex I have in my life IS mindblowing. I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years, she knows exactly what I like and I know exactly what she likes. Our sex wasn't great when we started out, it took time, communication, and alot of patience.
As someone who has had a decent amount of truly great sex in his life, I can say with authority that the best sex I've ever had has always been inside relationships.
Heres the trick.
Probably somewhat more than half of all guys are destined to be shitty lovers. They are too self centered, have no perceptions or empathy to figure out whats going on, and simply don't pay enough attention.
Add to that your probable age. 18 or under, I'm guessing. Guys around your age usually aren't mature enough to date girls of equivalent age. In fact, most guys under the age of 20 make generally terrible partners compared to what they're capable of by the mid to late 20s.
So, if half of all the guys you know probably arent and will never be great in bed, and of those who WILL be good most of them still kinda suck because they haven't had enough experience with life, love, and sex to be good partners right now, that limits you alot on who you can look for.
If having great sex is important to you, you shouldn't give up on that. Sexual compatibility is important, this aspect of relationships is downplayed alot because of all the various stigmas and prejudices associated with sex in our culture.
There is something to mention here though.
I used to suck at sex. Definitely sucked terribly at it, didn't know what the hell I was doing, and was more likely to get cries of pain than pleasure half the time because teen boys generally have a tough time with being gentle.
It took several relationships for me to hit the point where I had true confidence in bed. Hundreds of times having sex with the same person. Sex is a growth process, but as with anything involving a partner you can only grow WITH A PARTNER!
Think about dancing. Can you learn to dance alone? Not really. You can learn some ideas of what to do but you have to get out and dance with people.
Now think about how many people you know who DO dance. Probably a pretty decent amount. Most of my friends dance, even if they suck at it.
How many of those people you know can dance professionally? I personally know four out of the hundreds of people I could name who dance on some kind of a regular basis.
Four out of hundreds who can actually dance professionally well.
Now, why? Why can these people dance really, really well?
They do probably have an aptitude, but the real truth here is that these two people each found a person who wanted to dance well. They got together and began dancing together with the goal being to improve the dance. They worked at it, talked about it, practiced it, and eventually got to the point where they can dance better than 99.9% of the free world.
In everything you just read, substitute "sex" for "dance" and "Have amazing mind blowing sex" for "dance professionally"
It really is that easy. And the funny thing is, most guys are very receptive to talk about sex in a positive light. I can't think of a guy who won't listen intently when his girlfriend describes things she likes in bed, its just that most of the time both people simply refuse to ever bring the subject up because of all the negatives our culture associates with sex.
If you aren't in a relationship, don't expect the sex to be stellar. Outside of people who have specific fantasies that their casual sex is fufilling, few people actually get great sex out of casual sex.
Is it possible? Yeah, I can and have had casual sex that was greatly enjoyable.
It took years of learning how to be great in bed, learning how to communicate in the moment, how to pay attention and figure out what my partner likes to get to this point.
My entire point here, is sex doesn't have to be boring, plain, or an unfulfillable part of your life. You just need to be open and honest about sex with yourself and with partners. If it sucks, something needs to be worked on between the two of you, and that requires talking about it.
Start with that talking, see where you end up.
]
Many, many women have sex and NEVER in their entire lifetime actually enjoy it, orgasm, or have a "feel good" time. Only 25-30% of women orgasm regularly from vaginal penetration (penis in vagina sex) alone. This being said, there are fairly good chances you won't ever have sex that feels "amazing" or anything that you imagine it should be.
A lot of young women keep having sex with various partners because they're looking for that magical, mind-blowing sex they've heard about from their friends. The problem is, everyone really thinks sex should be awesome the first go-around--or the seventh go around--but you need to realize that it simply isn't for most women. This being said, when young women now say they have been with 15 guys in 6 months because it's so "addictive and wonderful" it tells me that they had sex with those guys, trying to figure out WHY it isn't mind-blowing.
Of course, nobody is going to admit that, but I will. And, no, love has nothing to do with it--you can deeply love someone but always have awful, unfulfilling sex.
I've had really, really bad sex before. I've had really, really awful sex with two men. Sex I pretended was fairly good, sex I ended up figuring out as, "This must just be normal...wow...what a freaking waste of time." I never told my female friends that the sex I had was boring, uneventful, and stupid though. Who wants to be the girl that says, "My boyfriend really SUCKS in bed. He's horrible," or, just simply, "I NEVER have a good time in bed..."
After the first time, I figured it would get better but it didn't. After the 5th time, I kept expecting it to get better--but it never did. Eventually (after MANY more sexual encounters with the first man) I had a second partner and I expected that sex to be better than my previous encounters--but it wasn't! Turns out, I was just finding out that what all my little girl friends at school were saying about their experiences with so-and-so-boy were all very stupid lies.
See what I'm saying? ;)
Don't expect miracles at any point. That's all.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me!
]
More Questions: |