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Q: 13/f
ok so theres this guy i like named cody. were kind of friends but not really. i talk to him on myspace and aim sometimes. so one day i see hes on aim so i say hey to him. heres how it went..

me-hey
cody-what do you want now
me-umm i dont know
cody-then dont talk to me
--cody signs off--

im not exactly sure what i did to deserve that. my friends are saying maybe he was in a bad mood or hes under alot of pressure right now (he has me and my friend ashley chasing after him you could say. she asked him out and he said no and he also knows that i like him). anyway when i read that i almost cried. what should i do??
That was rude of him to treat you like that. Even if he is not interested in you, that is no excuse to handle it that way. Sometimes, it freaks guys out if you give them too much attention. He may have been in a bad mood, but I would just ignore him from now on. There are other guys that would enjoy hanging out with you and chatting. Life is too short to worry over the ones that don't appreciate us. It hurts when someone rejects us, but the quickest way to end the pain is to move on. Consider it his loss and set your sights on the other guys who are your age at your school. If you talk to many guys, instead of concentrating on just one guy, then you are most likely to find some that are really cool.

Q: Almost every time I babysit this 7 year old boy and his 2 year old sis the little boy refuses to get into the bed that him and his sister share and will only sleep in his moms bed any advise on how I can get him to sleep in his own bed?
As the babysitter, you are not responsible for everything. Getting kids to sleep can be difficult for parents, too. He understandably misses his mom, and being in her bed is a comfort to him. I would not worry about it. The mom can move him into his own bed if she wants to when she gets home. Unless you want to sit up with him and his sister reading stories all night until both fall asleep, I would just let him choose where to sleep. Also, if the little sister is getting to sleep in her own bed, that is a major accomplishment. She may sleep much better on her own, without the older brother anyway. The mom should be understanding about this, and you are still a great sitter if you can get them into any bed.

Q: Okay, so I know like resisting a guy can be sexy - coy, maybe is a better word? - but like, how much is too much?
Like if your guy goes to kiss you and you turn your head away, or back off, but when he gives up figuring you don't want to be kissed, you like grab him and kiss him is that a good thing?
If you're teasing a guy and making him chase you like, how closed off should you be?
Is it good to give him little flirty looks, but ignore all his advances?
Opinions welcome =)
You need to proceed with caution. A little coyness goes a long way. You don't want to send the wrong message...that you can't make up your mind, that your "no" is actually a "yes" or that you enjoy being manipulative. Women have fought hard to be taken seriously, assert our rights as equals, and to let society and men know that we are in control of our bodies, our sexuality and when we say no, we mean it. You really are not going to be more enticing or desirable by playing head games, and I would hate for you to either lose a good guy or make a bad guy think you are playing a game that he thinks he can take advantage of to force himself on you. The sexiest thing a woman can be is confident. Little girls are coy. Sophisticated women are in control.

Q: hi well, my sister and mum are always argueing. she's 18 and acts like she's 4! she complains about how she has no friends, and that the frriends she does have, have thier own friends. she complains about everything when they get into a proper agruement. she makes my mum cry, and my mum starts shouting, and usually theres hitting. even if something little happens she's all "arh see no-one wants to talk to me!!!!" and after she argues about how theres nothing to eat, me any my mum goes mcdonalds drive through to get something for her at 11pm. when we come back, she doesnt eat it, and when she does, she starts shouting at me, about how its cold and theres so plate for her to eat on! i cant do anything about them argueing, and trust me its a lot worse than i have explained, i just cant explain by typing! im sick of it, my grandma's sick of it, my mums sick of it, and she SAYS she doesn't like arguing, but its almost like she does. please help, what can i do!? its really getting to everyone, including me. thanks in advance.
Sounds brutal! Your sis is clearly manipulative and your mum for some reason is allowing and even encouraging her bad behavior by giving in to her demands. There is little one can do to change others, but sometimes our behavior can influence others. Try to stay out of it as much as possible. It is there drama and taking sides or giving either one of them attention, might be feeding there emotional needs. No one does anything that is not providing them with some sort of payoff...we do what we think is giving us some satisfaction. Parents to continue to treat their adult children like spoiled little kids may be doing so out of guilt or are too weak to stand up to them and actually parent them. It is more difficult to be a parent then a friend, and a trip to McDonald's is not as difficult as actually not giving in to her, so mum gives in. Maybe there is something you don't know about the situation...some reason your mum feels guilty or your sister feels entitled to make others miserable. Your sister is most likely miserable herself, and your mom does not know how to make her feel better. Do not make the same mistake that your mom is making, by giving her attention for her tantrums...any attention. Also, do not let her manipulated you emotionally. Your sister has learned that she can be successful in her demands if she makes enough noise. Be deaf to her. Maybe your mom will learn something from your example. Good luck!

Q: 15/f

I have this friend (I'll call him Chris, 17/m) and we both started liking each other the more we talked (about a month ago). I knew he liked me with his subtle hints, but I didn't let him know I liked him. I stopped liking him because I fell for my ex again (a few weeks later).

I got over my ex about 5 days ago, and I confessed to Chris (two nights ago) that I've always liked him and I still do. The problem is that he's been interested in this one girl for the past couple of weeks. The only thing holding them back from dating is that the girl has a boyfriend. Anyways, he said he wants to how it goes after we hang out a lot more.

I really like Chris. He's different from most guys. He's the romantic type that likes to cook dinner and watch movies and have picnics. He's not looking for sex.

What should I do?
Keep hanging out with this guy you like, but just as friends and without pressuring him. If he thinks you are too desperate or a sure thing, he may take you for granted, so make sure you don't give him the idea that you are going to wait around while he goes for this other chick. Keep your options open including him, but not exclusively. He will either realize that you are not going to wait around forever and he'd better get with you while he can, or he will continue to go after the other girl. What we don't have is always appealing, so don't be too available. It is not about playing games, but about a careful balance between being accessable, but not too easy.

Q: Hi, I've answered some questions and read the other people's advice regarding high school. The thing that shocked me was to see SO many of the people hating HS

I'd actually intended to migrate to the states and attend high school. But anyways, I'm 18 now. I'm just really curious to know bout high school culture and all. I've really enjoyed my secondary school (we call it secondary school in our country)and I really can't picture what is so bad bout high school.Besides, hollywood kinda portrayed HS in a very fun and un-stressful way. So maybe you guys can tell me what's wrong? Perhaps I could give better advice after understanding how HS is like.

Thanks
It is different for different people, so a generalization won't help you.

Q: No explanations please, just a straight up answer.

Is it easier to get pregnant before, during, or after your period.

Thanks
You can potentially ovulate anytime, but the 10th-14th day after your period is most likely. Some women are not consistent and some are. Usually your temperature goes up and you are horniest right at peak ovulation, so pay attention to your body. There are also ovulation predictor kits sold at most pharmacys.

Q: Okay...very complicated situation, very simple question. How do you win a guy back over?
We broke up, but we didn't really break up. We still hug and kiss and shit, but I feel as though he's trying to convince himself he doesn't love me anymore because what he felt for me freaked him out, or something.
However, I want him to miss me so I thought maybe I'd just leave him alone for awhile and be a little bitchy to him and see what he does.
But then I wonder if he's trying to drive me away, and if I did that he'd still get his way.
I'm tired of playing his games. I need to be stronger and like, not avoid him but not give into him. Like I'll wanna do something and he'll alter the plans or something and I'll just go along with it, and I think I need to stop.
Giving him the cold shoulder would work if he isn't trying to drive me away...but at this point I feel like I have nothing left to lose.
He turned into a nasty, controlling douchebag like all of a sudden and I want the sweet romantic guy I fell in love with back...=(
Any thoughts?
Maybe you are just finding out who he really is. It is easy to appear as wonderful for a short time, but eventually we see everyone for who they are. It may also be that he thinks you are playing games. Remember, the female is higher up on the social intelligence ladder, and the male cannot understand his own thoughts and feelings, let alone ours! Don't let it get so complicated. He is simple, so treat him that way. Be nice and he will be nice back. Play games, and he will get so confused trying to compete, that he won't remember why he was with you to begin with. Men like to win and they are highly competitive..mixed with the fragile male ego, they are easy to screw with, basically. Give him room to get his dignity back and then just be nice.

Q: Ok there is this guy (18 a junior in high school) and me (19 and a freshmen in college) and he likes me a lot and i kind of like him. you see the problems are:

1. i dated his older brother..
2. and i'm best friends with his cousin
3. and he continues to play games with me or plays hard to get.

i don't know what to do. is that right for me to thinking of dating this guy? i never dated anyone younger. any suggestions?
The number 3 on your list could be trouble if he is still that immature. You are also going to have to trust that he is not with highschool girls and of course, have to reject all the hot college men you'll meet. If you do date him, don't get set on it being too exclusive or serious. Just have fun, and quit when it stops being fun!

Q: I basically had no clue what to put this question under, but here it is.

I'm 14 years old & I've been drunk 3 times.
I'm not a bad drunk at all.
I'm a person who's wound up pretty tight & I use alchohol to do things I don't even think about doing unless I'm drunk. Not that it's bad I just don't have the guts to do anything.
I guess I'm asking if this is a bad thing.
I mean, am I like, sinning or anything?
I'm not that religious but I'm still nervous.
I only drink around family, I wouldn't think of doing it around anyone else.
And if it is bad... how can I stop?
I don't really even like alcohol, I like the effect.

Thank you.
You are right to be concerned about alcohol. There is a high risk of poisoning at such a young age, and alcohol will often leave a person feeling more depressed afterwards. There are community programs available for teen alcohol users and you can go to any meeting anonymously. Your local area phone book or calling information should help locate one near you. Some schools offer on campus meetings and you should ask a teacher or local police or sheriff office for resources if you can't find them. You won't get into trouble for asking for help. Using alcohol to deal with stress is common, but only a temporary fix. It helps you zone out, but also kills brain cells and impairs judgement. If you think you can't quit on your own, please get support from a group. Only God can judge what is and is not a "sin," but we are his children according to the Bible, and he wants what is best for us. You are using drinking to mask other problems and those problems need to come out into the open and get dealt with. We cannot hide from our stress, we have to master it. Check this site for more info. tp://kidshealth.org/teen/drug_alcohol/alcohol/alcohol.html

Q: my name is Rachel and iam a junior which is the 11th grade and this boy that i like is in the 9th grade and he's 15 and iam 17,but the problem is that he's black and my parents are really racist about racial dating what should I do?


please help me.
I am glad you recognize the problem as their own. How do they feel about you just having a friendship with him first. Maybe if you put off the dating for a little bit, or just say...go out as friends or in a group, your folks won't be as threatened. Then, when they see how terrific he is as a person they might lay down their old ways. You are almost an adult, so you will not need their permission and approval much longer. No one can stop you from liking/loving whom you wish and when you are on your own, do not seek anyone's approval but your own. Good luck winning them over.

Q: I had a dream that i was walking to my bfs house but it was this deserted quiet place that ive never even seen before. And then these guys r behind me nd they make rude comments. (in real life my bf wuld pretty much fight em if he knew) and so he sortah popped up out of nowhere nd literally killed them. it was like 7 against 1 nd he killed them all.
then we got to this place but he wasnt paying attension to nothing but the TV nd i was right next to him so i touch his face to see if hes okay and he holds my hand but was madly distracted nd wasnt talking at all.

anyone know what that means?. I just need advice or your opinions actually on this dream. Thank youuu.
To best interpret your own dreams in the future, write them down and include how you feel about everything as you go. From this limited information I will give it a shot.
You see your boyfriend as your hero and savior against some sort of past hurt or present threats. You also see him as the strong silent type...a father figure...yikes I know. What do you think he might save you from? Is your dad a distant or quiet type?

Q: my mom is having her 29th birthday and ma bff invited me to the ross game and then go to the haunted hydro so wut should i do i think that i should go to ma moms b-day and then go to the hydro so wut should i do ?????????????
Wow, you have a young mom! That means she has spent all of her youth on you my dear! She has given up a lot...maybe she has mentioned it...to raise a wonderful kid, a kid who appreciates her and would never miss her birthday! She only gets one birthday a year, and you only get one mom! So go and give her a big hug and tell her that you appreciate all that she has done for you. Then, if she does not mind, go afterwards to the other stuff.

Q: How do I get I guy to like me?
We can't force it, but if you want to at least get an opportunity, you need to make contact. Psychology experts tell us there are a few things that those that are in love have in common. First, proximity...that means being in the same place at the same time. We like people who we hang out with and have the chance to get to know. The second thing is physical attraction. Are you clean and neat. Guys often are attracted to girls that are natural looking, not too much lipstick etc..., clean nice hair, fresh breath, clean clothes and nails etc...make a big impression. The third thing sounds cheesy, but it is true. We like people who like us. A guy will be more attracted to someone they may have previously not noticed if they know that you think they are cute, nice, cool, smart all the stuff people love to hear about themselves. Don't overwhelm him or seem obsessive, but let him know by smiling a little and just saying hello at first that you are interested.

Q: 17f. So of course theres this guy, and im a little confused at what to about him. Me and this guy have been talking for almost eight months, and i really do care about him a lot. More than i have cared about anyone else in the past...and truth be told that scares me a little bit. But what scares me more is loosing him and im afraid that, thats where we're headed and its killing me. The funny but sad thing about this is that i care about him more than anything, and the reason that things aren't going so well is sometimes he doesn't think that i care about him at all. I don't understand why he would even say that when EVERYBODY can seem to see how i feel about him and i just don't understand why he doesn't. I think i wouldn't be as mad if it was just this once but he says this often and i'm like if i didn't care about him it wouldn't have made it to eight months with all the things i have to deal with when it comes to him. i know he's been hurt really badly in the past but he makes it seem like im going to do the exact same thing that they did to him and that just isn't true. Its like he's expecting me to fail or expecting me to break his heart and that breaks mine. And now we're in this stupid argument and i wrote him this heartfilled note telling him how i felt and im dying here waiting for his respone. I don't want to loose him but i don't know what to do to keep him. I really do love him...i don't know what i'd do without him but how do i make him see that when he just doesn't believe me.
You are perfectly right that he expects you to do what others have done. We all go on prior experience to a degree, but some people like your guy, get stuck in a self-fulfilling prophecy. He is actually causing trouble in your relationship with his irrational fears. You truthfully can never make him feel better and it is not your job at this point. You have most likely been terrific and reashurring to the point of it being ridiculous. He has an internal insecurity that has nothing to do with you. You will have to do one of two things. Either keep letting him weigh you down with guilt that is not yours, or choose to see that he has a personal problem and it is not anything you can solve. If you keep doing the first thing, you will both go through an emotional rollercoaster and he will keep manipulating the relationship with his fears until it drives you away...at which point he will tell himself that he was right all along about you and not see that it was he who drove you into someone else's arms. The second choice is about reality at least for you, no matter what he insists. Tell him that you are done trying to convince him and that at this point he is just calling you a liar and being annoying. He really is not even seeing you, but the image of you he has created...which is a distorted image. Don't let him draw you into this game. If he cannot let this go, he really is not with you anyway, but more in love with his false ideas and determined to hold close to those ideas than the reality that has you in it. Don't put up with it whether you leave or stay.

Q: ok me and my boyfriend have hung out everyday almost every hour of the day for about...8 months..ok yea i know my friends are wanting to kill me..but see i dont really not want to hang out with my boyfriend. They bitch at me ALL the time..but i have so much fun when im with HIM. And it kinda sucks though cuz he's 2 years older so when i'm with my friends they kinda leave me out of everything..I mean..i know i should hang out with my friends more..and i know the whole chicks before dicks..but..theres jusr somethin about this guy and whenever im with him im like amazingly happy...What should i say to my friends to make them understand?...I mean when i hang out with my friends its when he has work or something and they like get offended and i dont understand why?? i try to explain..but..they just dont get it..HELP!
They won't get it until they have boyfriends. However, you have to see it from their perspective. There will come a time when some of your friends are hooked up, and you won't be. It also does not hurt your boyfriend to know that you have a life without him and that sometimes you will have plans of your own or with friends and he will have to miss you. A little time spent with friends when you could be with your guy will let them know that they are important to you and not just a convenience.

Q: hey, I'm 14 my name is jackie.. and I need help..

I'm not sure who to like. On one hand there is this one guy (tony)who is 16, and I've known him for a few weeks. He's shy but his friends say he likes me and wants to take me to homecomming. He is really cute but sometimes he can be a little rude to everyone.. Also we hung out last weekend and we kidna flirted but didnt really pay attention to me

and on the other hand tony's friends little brother (14 years old) named ryan is so hott! he has the most amazing eyes and he is really sweet. he let me use his sweatshirt when i was cold, and he talked to me when noone else was. he said i should comeover his house again. he knows how to treat a girl.

I'm really confused on which to like? please help
I'd get to know both a little better first, but Ryan sounds like a good guy. Take it slow, so you can make a wise decision you will be happy with and not regret. Don't ever go by "his friends say he likes me" when you should hear from the guy himself how he feels and from his actions. If he is attentive and polite he likes you. If he is avoiding you or rude, forget him.

Q: 15/f. sorry i dont know what to put this under. i have never really gotten drunk, only like a little bit or just a buzz a few times. also i have only made out once, and i was not really sure what i was doing. and im not really sure how to. i am thinking that maybe getting a little more tipsy will help me loosen up and not be so shy, and then i am hoping i will make out with someone while im drunk, atleast so i can ask them about it and like have an excuse to ask if i am a good kisser, even being a little bit drunk. sorry if this doesn't make sense, but i could really use your opinion on if this is an ok idea or if i should find another way to deal with it..thanks!
This is a bad idea for many reasons. Being a sloppy drunk is never sexy. Drinking only gives one the illusion of being better than they are at anything. Drinking too much can lead to puking...not sexy. Being drunk can get you into dangerous situations with anyone. You might go too far, and regret the whole thing. Making out should be a totally wonderful experience with the right person, not just anyone. If you have to get drunk to muster up the confidence, it is a sign you are definately not ready. You do not have to know what you are doing to make-out. You pretty much do what you want to...if you are both enjoying it. What may be good for one person may not be for the next, so communication is key. To really communicate you need to be with someone you feel close and loving with, someone you can talk and laugh with easily. If that person has not come along yet, then it is worth waiting until he does. You will want to be wide-awake sober and not miss a moment of the experience with the right person at the right time...everything worth having is worth waiting for and doing right. I'm not saying you have to wait for marriage, just hold out for true love. Anything less will often make a girl feel cheap and used afterwards and not be memorable in a good way. Making out at random is not glamorous like the media portrays it to be.

Q: how do you freak dance? i'm 15 female
It could mean different things at different schools, but is most likely brainless and requires no pre-knowledge. The most important thing is to never be a wall-flower and miss out on a fun time. Just follow cues from anyone dancing whose style you like and add whatever comes natural. If you are smiling and having fun with everyone, it won't matter if you miss a few steps or can't stay with the beat. Everyone dances differently and part of the fun is being a little silly. If you want to look good, remember that confidence is sexy. Pretend to know what you are doing and no one will be the wiser.

Q: I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he's a wonderful guy and to me he's the type of guys girls look for not him as a person but his qualities like he's kind, sweet, generous, will leave his friends just to be with me, and different things well i really do love him and he wants us to get married but my dad hates him but he will not tell me why and my boyfriend has no secrets from me or lies to me but my dads always brining up things like "i know he's a liar and a cheater but im not going to tell you what it is i know" what should i do to make my dad like him please help me i don't know what to do?
I don't know if you can do anything to make him like this guy. When exactly did your dad start campaigning against your boyfriend? Have you told your dad that unless he is willing to spill the beans, you have no reason to believer him? It is very unfair for someone to tell you what your dad did, and not back it up with any facts. Either he is a liar or your boyfriend is...that is bad. I would make them sit down in front of me and tell them that they are both important to you, but you will not be happy until they work it out. If there is something to confess or suspicions, this is the time to get it out or forever hold your tongue! Tell your dad that if he knows something, he owes it to you to inform you of what exactly makes him hold this low opinion of your guy. Otherwise, it is really just mean and spiteful and not out of love. Put the pressure on him to fess up or shut up.

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BitsandPieces
"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. To say something you value deeply to another and to have him or her value it equally by listening to it carefully and apppreciatively is the most universal way of exchanging social interest or demonstrating affection." David Augsburger, CARING ENOUGH TO HEAR AND BE HEARD.


All sincere persons will be given thoughtful examination and reply. Please be specific about your situation as it applies to your question, the applicable information and facts necessary for me to properly assess your situation and give you the benefit of my knowledge and experience, which includes: experience/education with mentoring, relationship study, self help, spirituality, poetry, literature, philosophy, psychology, color theory, teaching, parenting, and debate that will be used to your advantage. I am concerned with offering an objective and realistic perspective more than ratings, because this will help YOU. Artificial sweetness is found in diet soda, not in my advice. If you feel that I did not understand your question or need more specifics to help, please let me know, but while all truth is subjective, questioners should be mature enough to hear answers not necessarily agreed with. If you are only looking for someone to tell you just what you want to hear, then you may not be ready for my advice. I believe in personal responsibility, self and other awareness and your power and ability to recreate and redirect your own life. All our misery and joy begins and ends within ourselves, but our willingness to be open can bring the positive or negative energy we seek. If you or someone you know is open to positive help, the resources and caring individuals needed are available now.

http://www.coolnurse.com/

http://www.4woman.gov/violence/

http://www.childhelpusa.org/about/programs-and-services/childhelp-national-child-abuse-hotline-1-800-4-a-child

drug/alcohol abuse help go here: http://www.4drugabuse.com/addiction-treatment.html

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/1800-273-TALK(8255)
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, our mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential. -----------------------------------

http://www.kidscrisis.com/

http://www.teenadviceonline.org/gethelp/numbers.html

You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day, free & confidential. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

For info. on birth control etc.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is the only hotline that children and parents can call with any problem at any time:
Open 24-hours a day, every day at 1-800-448-3000

Spanish-speaking counselors available; translation services for 100+ languages

TTY line available for the hearing-impaired at 1-800-448-1833

Counselors can help find services and agencies in the callers' local community

Help at the End of the Line
Callers talk to highly-trained, professional counselors who listen and give "right now" answers. They're sympathetic people who have expertise dealing with these and other problems:

depression

suicide

running away

parenting problems

relationship concerns

physical, sexual, and emotional abuse

chemical dependency

mental health

anger

aggressive behavior

Toll Free
Operated by Father Flanagan's Boys' Home, hotline services are free of charge to every parent and child in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, U.S. territories, and Canada.

Toll-Free: 1-800-448-3000

http://www.sex-ed101.org/links.html

http://www.anorexicweb.com/anorexicweb.html

Report Child Abuse
Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD TDD: 1-800-2-A-CHILD



--------------------------------
All our motivations stem from two: Love or Fear. When in turmoil or indecision, ask yourself from which of these you are acting. If you want an honest response outside of yourself, you need to first be honest within yourself. Bless you on your journey!

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