I am an advice hound. I love to give advice, get advice, read advice columns. I love telling people what to do ; D
Truly, I have a love for people and an honest desire to see every individual excel and succeed in their personal lives, to shed themselves of as many burdens as possible and enjoy this strange and terrible and wonderful gift that is LIFE
Location: Los Angeles
Occupation: advice guru and life coach
Member Since: June 9, 2009
Answers: 900
Last Update: February 5, 2012
Visitors: 32904
Main Categories:
Love Life
Families
Spirituality
View All
|
| |
18 f
Okay so i met this boy... Lets call him J. He is an awesome guy we talked for a few weeks and hung out and stuff until one night I stood the night at the house. Now let me make it clear that he did say he liked me and I told him the same but I cant start anything because Im leaving in january for 5 months.... Okay So anyways I stayed the night at his house one night and things got heated lets just put it that way. But ever since then he hasnt texted me or anything he'll answer back if I text him but it's only one word answers. SO I was just wondering if I should text him and bluntly ask if Ill be wasting my time trying to continue talking to him or just keep trying to see whats up... Im not gonna cry over it or anything ill get over it but I dont know, it just bugs me when people start ignoring me.... Now now, what should I do? (link)
| |
Don't text him. Just take this as a lesson that the quickest way to drive away a guy you like is to hook-up with him right away. Where's the incentive to get to know you if he gets it right away? You messed up. It happens. We've all been there. Next time you meet a guy you like, spend some time letting him get to know you. With sex off the table he'll have a better opportunity to get to know all the wonderful things about you that make you special and a great catch. And if and when the time for a physical relationship comes, it will be much more fulfilling knowing the guy your with really cares for YOU and not just sex.
|
|
my father moved in 5 months ago, it was only supposed to be for 2 months...and I convinced my husband to let him stay here for the 2 months. Now he is watching my husbands tv eating our food and being way to comfortable in our house! and I feel bad because my husband wants to watch tv but wont change the channel if my dad is already watching it because he doesn't want to be rude. It is really starting to bug him...I can tell. my brother asked by dad to move in with him to help him out but by dad ignored the whole conversation, it seems like he doesn't want to leave!!! I want my normal life back but don't know how to tell him!!! (link)
| |
A man's home is his castle, and your husband's castle has been invaded! You've done your part as a good daughter. You helped out your father when he needed it. Unfortunately he hasn't kept up his end of the bargain. Thats not your fault. You've overextended yourself, now the health of your marriage is on the line. You'll need your husband's support on this one. The two of you need to sit down with Dad and explain to him that he's stayed longer than you first agreed and its time for him to move one. Your brother is willing to put him up, so you're not kicking him out on the street. Then pick a date to move him out and hold to it! He may be hurt, he may say things that hurt you, but stand your ground. He's just venting, but in the long run he'll realize that it was best for everyone. Most of all, remember that you are NOT a bad person for doing this. You and your husband need your own space to relax and be yourselves. You've been quite generous, you have nothing to feel guilty about.
|
|
I don't really like to talk about it, but I REALLY need help. My family is a normal familey; my real mother and father raised me and my brother by themselfs without help, I have a house we own, money is okay, everything's fine except...Me. My brother recently, almost a year actually, had his girlfriend and her baby - Not my brothers, he ex-boyfriend and her baby - move in. I hate the baby, I'm not jealous, not one bit, but she literally HATES me. I don't know why, before than, I was happy and talked A LOT. But now the baby calls MY mom, 'MOM' and her mother, 'Egypt'. (Her actually name) She can't speak well - the baby - and now I think that only my father cares for me. My brother obviously doesn't like me anymore. He ignores me and sometimes calls me 'Egypt' or 'Noah'. The baby's a girl but name is a boy. Now my brother has written in a newspaper(he's 17) and is a Sceniro. Now my family is making a HUUGE thing about this, when it isn't that good. I'm feeling left out in a lot of things, and hate to admit this but I'm thinking about doing something that I might regret later. I make straight A's. Have a few good friends, wish I was someone else, and am only 11 and female. I don't know what to do. I really just want to know SOMEONE actually knows what I'm going through. Please, at least reply back. :( (link)
|
You are very young to have to deal with so much. You are not crazy. You are not bad. You have been put in the middle of a stressful situation that has nothing to do with you, but affects you anyway. Things have changed quickly in your house and you weren't given the chance to have a say in any of it. I don't think you're jealous, but its natural you would feel left out. A baby always ends up taking a lot of time and attention from everyone around it. You miss some of the time your Mom used to have for you that now she gives to the baby.
Your brother still loves you. He's not ignoring you. Can you imagine how stressed out he is with a girlfriend and a baby living in his house with his family? Right now he's probably just trying to deal with everything thats happening. It just seems like he's ignoring you, but he's not, he's just wrapped up in his own business.
You really need to talk to someone about this. When you get a quiet moment try to talk to your Mom, let her know what you told me here. Be honest, but try not to get mad. Try to tell her calmly how you feel left out and you miss the way things were. And find an adult at school you can confide in. Do you have a teacher that you trust? Do you have a school counsellor? If you do, go to that person and ask if you can talk about something. Then go ahead and explain your situation and your feelings. I promise you, no one will laugh at you. What you're feeling is real, and anyone in the same situation would feel like you do.
Its going to be ok. You're going to get through this. If you do something crazy now you might miss out on some really great things in the future. I promise you its not always going to be like this. Try to keep yourself busy, homework, friends, reading, whatever. Sometimes it helps to have a distraction. And don't be a afraid to go to your mother. Maybe you could even read her the email you wrote to me, if you don't think you can explain it all well. You did a good job telling how you feel. If that would help you, print it out. You'll do fine. I know you will.
|
im sorry if this is too long but thanks for reading if you do :-)
to start with i met a guy back in may, we met through friends and we got along really well. we were friends for the first few weeks but then we started flirting and kissing. i really started to develop feelings for this guy, i wasnt in love but i really liked him. his friends told me that he really liked me, but he hardly told me. he was really confusing at times, sometimes he would be in a mood with me (and his friends) for no reason.
we fell out a few times but we usually made up a few days later. but not this time, we havent spoke in over a month. we fell out because he said i only speak to him when im bored. this really isnt true, maybe it comes across that way but ive tried to explain to him that i do really like him, but i dont want to call/email him all of the time because i dont want to seem desperate/needy. thats just who i am. but he really doesnt believe me. i saw him 3 weeks ago in a shop and i said hi and he said hi back but thats been it, i know he doesnt want to speak to me else he would of called me, right?
he has told me before that he really liked me but i annoyed him when i just ignored him for 2 weeks, but its not just down to me to make the effort and call, its up to him too! i dont really want to contact him but i know i will see him again, we live in a pretty small town and our friends are friends with eachother so we always happen to see eachother, what should i say to him? or should i just give up? do you think hes just using this as a way to stop seeing me?
thanks (link)
| |
This guy sounds completely arrogant. He sounds like he just wants a girls who is going to follow after him like a little puppy dog. I'm sure he did like you at first, but when he realized that you have more respect for yourself as a young women like that, he lost interest. I don't care how old-fashioned it sounds. It is not appropriate for a young woman to be the one setting up dates, making all the calls and texts, and confessing all the feelings. You'll know if a guy is right for you if he thinks enough of you that he would pursue and look forward to contacting you on a regular basis. Your instincts are right on the money on this guy. Forget about him. When you see him in social circles, be polite and friendly. There's no reason you can't have fun with other people when he's around, but you've pretty much pinpointed that he's a jerk. The best revenge is to show him you are confident in yourself and have no need to follow some arrogant jerk around like a lost, sick puppy.
|
|
I like a guy,who seems like he wants to hookup with me but as well be a really close friend.I want him to become interested in me and want to go out with me.What could I do to maybe be hard to get or make him want more than just a friendship/hookup? (link)
| |
The fastest way to drive a guy you like away is to have sex/hookup. Don't believe what you see on t.v. Most honest guys will tell you that once a girl gives it up the thrill is gone. I'm not telling you to "play hard to get", but I am saying that if you show that you have respect for yourself and you act like you're something worth waiting for, than decent guys will be attracted to that, and want to get to know you as a person before getting physical. If you are patient, you'll be rewarded with a great guy. If you try to take the "shortcuts", I think you'll be sorely disappointed with the consequences.
|
|
My Significant other and I have been together for 4 and a half years. He recently just got layed off at his job an talked to a friend that is living in South Carolina doing construction an offered him to go. Which that is cool minus the fact that it's very distant and I would only be able to see him on the weekends. He told me that he would put me in a house in our hometown where we live now an come home to me on the weeknds an I told him I was scared to be in a place all by myself if it wasn't safe and he said he wanted me to come to South Carolina then which is cool but what about me? We've been together 4 and a half years an I am supposed to quit my job an come live with you an support me...but with no commitment as in ring , marriage nothing like that? Not to mention if we do move we have to live with his friend, which I don't want to be on the back burner an he has his friend there with him but what about me? We've been through alot together and just don't think I am ready to be distant from him an if I do move there with him what commitment do I have with him ? He thinks I am trying to rush it, but honestly I tell him to put himself in my shoes, I am patient an have always had his back in anything he does, but me quitting my job an him supporting me because of his "word" I am supposed to do so...which half the time he has all these big plans that never happen anyway? I don't know I am really confused an would like to know if I am rushing anything but I don't think a commitment is too much to ask for after 4 and a half years, an he said a ring isn't s*** and doesn't do anything, and that he isn't ready to marry me right now because he cant even support himself, so I don't know what to think!? (link)
| |
I think you DO know what to think, you just don't like the answer that's coming up. He's already told you he doesn't want to marry you (for now) and you've made it clear you don't want to make such a drastic move without a solid commitment (by the way, that is a VERY smart way to look at it, and it says a lot about your character). It may hurt (a lot), but you know that by moving with him he is asking you to give far more than he is willing to give in return. Is the price you will pay to drop everything and move in with him and his friend going to be worth it? Moving away doesn't have to mean the end. It can mean the beginning of something great. Although it will of course be hard, maybe the time apart will help him realize how much he does love you and want be with you forever. Maybe it will help you to become clear on some issues you are dealing with. Regardless, I think it is best for you to stay put, and let him go. And pay attention to his words. He is giving you a fair warning. He sounds like he's been very honest with you, which, in a way, you have to respect. He said he can't support himself, so he can't support you. At least he's honest about that, and you do NOT want to go into a marriage without the proper financial support. Marriage is hard enough without having to deal with that stuff right away too. And he knows an engagement/commitment is important to you, yet he says a ring isn't s***. I think what he's saying is that it isn't s*** to HIM, and that should tell you a lot. Let him go do what he needs to do. If he comes back to you, ready for a commitment, it was meant to be. If not, there is definitely someone out there waiting for a loyal and level-headed girl like you to come along and blow his socks off.
|
|
I'm TERRIBLE at keeping in touch with people. I had to do it all through high school because i switched to a private school so it was really hard to keep in touch with my public school friends but i struggled through it and mangaged to do it. but now that im in college its all happening all over again adn i hate it. I just "fb divorced my bf to be engaged to my friend here because she just broke up with her boyfriend and didn't know what to put her thing as" but now i feel bad about that (not that my friend really cares...its only facebook and we obvs weren't really married' but ugh i'm just so frusterated. (link)
| |
Stop feeling so guilty. One thing you'll learn as you get older is that some people come into your life for a certain period of time, for certain reasons, and then they're gone. Just because you may not be as close as you once were, or communicate every day, doesn't mean you don't care. A good friend is not always someone who you see or hear from every day, but someone who is there when you need them and who you can always pick right up with after you've left off. For now, just enjoy the new friendships you are making and check in with your old friends whenever you're curious enough about how they're doing or see something funny or interesting they posted on Facebook, etc. Don't think you're a horrible person because you don't talk to every person you've ever been close to every day. Life doesn't work like that. As you move through new stages of your life you'll make new friends. You're not a bad person, you're just normal. Trust me, your other friends are all feeling the same way. You can still be a good friend by just checking in from time to time and being the type of person that will always help when called on.
|
|
A friend of mine from college grew closer to me over the past year and we ended up becoming best friends. Needless to say, we ended up having feelings for each other. After talking about how we felt we starting spending time together more frequently, almost every day. In addition to this when we weren't seeing each other we would talk online or on the phone...so almost every waking moment we were a part of each other's lives. Eventually, he started talking to me about other girls that he thought were attractive but we still spent all of our free time together so I figured he was trying to make me jealous. We weren't just hanging out as friends and playing basketball--we would watch the stars and he would sing to me, etc...it was always very romantic stuff that we did together. Out of the middle of nowhere, after spending three days together he told me that he asked someone else out. Obviously, I freaked out a little and told him that I didn't want to maintain contact, even as friends because I was hurt. I don't know what happened to change things with him...I still don't understand. The truth is that I love him very much. But I'd rather have him as a friend than nothing at all, despite the other feelings that I have for him. There's such a huge part of my life missing now; we were best friends and I miss that more than anything. I'm just not sure how to go about restoring the friendship or if I really should let my best friend go...any help would be greatly appreciated. (link)
| |
I think you need to be extremely honest with yourself and ask yourself if you can truly ever be "just friends" with this guy. You admit you have romantic feelings for him. Can you be a friend without getting all weird about his romantic relationships in the future? Picture a worst-case scenario. You have to go on a double-date with him and his new girlfriend, you have to listen to his stories about how much he loves her, how great she is, you have to attend their wedding. How would you handle that? How would you feel? I sympathize with the fact that you've lost your best friend, but think about why. You lost him because you could not handle the idea that he has romantic feelings for someone else. Maybe you should take your extreme reaction as a sign that you are not ready (yet) to be just friends. There's nothing wrong with taking a little time, putting a little distance between you and the situation, so you can get a better handle on how you feel and what you want to do. In the meantime, however, you do owe him an apology. You don't necessarily have to go into all the romantic feelings you have for him, but you can acknowledge that you overreacted and he didn't deserve your anger. You can tell him that spending so much time with him and talking to him just made it hard to be objective about his love life, and that you treasure him as a friend and feel awful about your reaction. Let him know you're embarrassed and sorry and that you do want to be his friend, but maybe you just need a little time apart so you can be a little more level headed, and a better friend. And I suggest trying to make some more time in your life for other friends. Its no accident that you developed feelings for this guy. You spent so much time together, it was bound to happen, and its perfectly normal. But you'll find that you'll have a better outlook on the whole situation if you have other relationships to fall back on. Right now there's such a big hole in your life because he filled all your time. That's a red flag that you probably need other friends, in addition to him. Good luck to you. I can't tell you how long it will take, but I CAN tell you that it will get better eventually. Good luck.
|
okai so ever since i told this guy that i like him he doesnt talk to me anymore. he did the same with his ex after he broke up with her.
the thing is that we where really good friends before all that & he was actually leading me on as well?
but now he just doesnt talk to me anymore which makes me really depressed cause im still in love with him.
i tried talking to him again, i actually wrote him a text wishing him a nice weekend. and then he wrote back saying 'oh thanks to you too. how are you? what are you up to? we havent talked in a while... xo'
so then i wrote him back telling him what im up to & asking him how HE is etc and he wrote 'I'm good (...) we'll see eachother on monday! xo '
so yeah.. today i saw him & he didnt even look at me once. then later on i said hi & he said hi back but that was it.
& then he just stared at me when i was talking to his friend later on (hes also good friends with me) & then just walked by me again without looking at me again.
AND i also know that hes always stalking my myspace (dont ask how)
but he rejected me cause he still has feelings for his ex. i really dont understand this?!
what should i do now? (link)
| |
You know that movie? "He's Just Not That Into You". That's what this is. Don't do anything. You already did something. You told him how you felt. He stopped talking to you after that. To me that says he realized he may have been leading you on when you said that and now feels bad about leading you on any more, so he just stays away from you. Let him go and just accept this as another one of life's lessons. Sure, it hurts, but the hurt will go away and you will find someone else who can return your feelings and appreciate you for who you are. And you must be pretty remarkable, because it took guts in the first place to tell this guy how you felt. At least you know you're strong enough to take a risk. Let this one go. He's not interested. There's someone better out there for you.
|
One of my friends is planning to visit the city I live in for about a week. She asked if I would be around when she visits, and now I am worried that she might ask to stay at my place the entire time. Ordinarily, I wouldn't care, but I have a roommate, and our place is small- in other words, her staying the entire 6 days would be inconvenient to us both.
If she asks to stay with me the entire time, how can I tell her (without sounding rude or obvious) that I can only have her stay a few days, and not the entire time? Would it be better to make something up? (link)
| |
If you feel uncomfortable turning her away, explain that you have a roommate and the decision is not all yours. Since you have to share your space with another person you have to be sensitive to how they feel about having visitors as well. You could even say you have a mutual agreement with your roommate that neither of you will have overnight guests, to avoid any uncomfortable or annoying situations.
|
|
My mom is 56 years old. She lives with my family, which consists of myself, my husband, and my two young daughters. My mother is diabetic and significantly overweight by at least 40 pounds, does not eat right, and does not exercise at all. Within the last couple of years, I have noticed that my mother is starting to act elderly. She sits in a rocking chair for hours on end, nods off to sleep whenever she feels like it, and has no motivation to do anything else. She has the physical behavior of an 80 year old and my mother is no where near old enough to be acting this way. I know that part of it is related to her lack of health. But I believe part of it is her emotional state. She does not act happy, content, excited about anything...just nothing. She might as well be a blob that sits and watches everyone else live their lives while she watches television. I am starting to feel really resentful about it, because my children see her act this way, and they deserve a grandmother who will play with them, take them for walks, drive them to the park, etc. There is always something wrong with her, like she always has a headache, or feels dizzy, or has an upset stomach, or anything to keep her from doing things with us. I do think that sometimes its real, but I also believe that many times, she uses "ailments" as an excuse to be lazy. When she was working, she often called in sick because she didn't feel good. I am really starting to wonder if my mother is depressed. She has had a tough life, and growing up with her for a mom was extremely difficult, but now I wonder if those instances of difficulty were part of a depression. I have tried to talk to her about this before, and it falls on deaf ears, and she usually gets really defensive, or tries to justify her behavior by some kind of bogus reason. I don't know what else to do from here, but I'm afraid that if my mom does not start living healthy all the way around, she will be living a self-fulfilled prophecy of growing old early and dying before her time. (link)
| |
It sounds like your mother is suffering from depression. I suffered myself for a while and always made excuses for not being active (tired, working to hard, headaches, etc.) but the truth is I just didn't have the will to "live". I finally got help, sought therapy, and it changed my life. Your mother NEEDS to see a professional. She needs help that you can't give her. You're right, you and your children deserve better. And so does she. Start with making an appointment with the family doctor, and go with her and be brutally honest with him/her. If she resists seeking help for this, you may have to put your foot down. If she wants to continue living with you, she needs to get help. You'll have to decide how far you're willing to go to force her to get help. Will you make her find somewhere else to live? Something else? You are her daughter and you have some responsibility to her, but you also have a responsibility to your own family, and if her problems are affecting your kids and marriage negatively, she either needs help, or needs to go live with someone who can spend all their energy on her. But I do believe she can really turn around with therapy and/or medication. But you have to start somewhere, so make her an appointment and insist she keep it. Good luck.
|
hello!
well i just entered high school and i have this guy who is beside me on my locker and he also sits beside me in my homeroom so anyways so i was wondering if he likes becase last week he said we should stand close so it look like we are going out and he stands really close to me and stares at me for long periods of time but now he facebook picture says i love emily (not me) and i know that he is singel soo does he like me??? (link)
| |
I've been away for a while and didn't get this til just now, so I don't know what happened with this, but two things could be happening... he may like you and feel awkward about telling you, or he may be trying to make someone else jealous. Just go with the flow, don't push him and wait to see what else he does. Eventually he'll come forward with his true feelings. In the meantime, enjoy having a crush and have fun in high school!
|
|
this may be quite long, but i will definately return the favor to anyone who is willing to read:) i'm 19 years old, second year in college and am doing online (due to ceratin issues). i've known this kid joe for about 5 years. i've always had a crush on him but we became more of friends than lovers. joe will be turning 18 in january, making him a senior in high school. yeahhhh.. age difference i know. he's the only younger guy ive ever liked though and it seems so different because he is so mature. he is the stud of his high school though.. captain of the hockey football and baseball team. all the girls go crazy over him because hes absolutely hilarious and not afraid to do anything and well absolutely GORGEOUS!! welll thats pratically opposite of me. around my girl friends, i'm the craziest of us all and not afriad to be goofy because they know im like that are are use to it but around joe, i'm a conservative girl. i have gotten bettter though. me and joe flirt basically everytime we see each other. he is a little player though.. just figured this out a couple months ago. so i realized that i would rather be his best friend than just another girl..right? the thing is that my cousin is joes next door neighbor and my cousin is the same grade as joe and me and my cousin hangout all the time..well on the weekends. it sucks though because i always go to my cousins hoping that MAYBE ill see joe but he's always on the go with sports and parties. he gets invited to everything, obviously. i feel a bit like a loser hanging out with my cousin in highschool on a saturday night doing nothing while hes out living the life going to parties and hanging out with everyone. i know some of the girls in joes grade and i have hung out with them a couple times and everytime i hung out with them and joe... they're all over joe and of course joe loves it but then i sit there looking stupid for not being all over him fighting for his attention because thats not how i am. me and joe have just gotten really distant over the past year. i see him maybe once a month... we dont text anymore. it makes me really sad. i feel like hes going forth with his life and leaving me behind..i know he cares about me though its just that hes a guy and isnt into the whole texting you first having a long conversation kinda thing you know? hes also going to play hockey next year for a D1 college so i will definately not see him anymore so i want to spend as much time as i can with him now but that doesnt seem to be going well. i dont ask him to hangout alot because hes always busy doing something and plus.. i wouldnt know what to do anyway. ugh just all this running through my mind..i dont know what to do (link)
| |
Maybe you have this turned around a little. Maybe he's not so much the one that's moving forward. Maybe its you and you just don't see it. Two years age different is no a lot, however, the gap between high school and college is huge, as I'm sure you've figured out by now. You are maturing. You're working toward something, a goal, a future. This automatically puts some distance b/w you two, since he is still in "senior in high school" mode. He may have sensed this and is just naturally pulling away, as do many friends as they age and spread out in different directions. Don't feel like a loser. Its cool that you have a cousin you like to hang out with. You're not being crazy, getting into trouble, having random hook-ups and all the worries that go with that type of activity. It is difficult to realize you are drifting apart from people who were once so important in your day to day life, but as you continue to mature and move forward, you will begin to find others who share your goals and priorities and these people will become your support. I know you feel a little hurt and lonely right now, but I promise you, these are just growing pains. Its ok to miss what you once had, but don't allow yourself to be ruled by that. Look at it as part of the growing process. In the meantime, are there any groups or clubs around that you could join? Anything you like to do, reading, games, sports, whatever. Joining a group of people who are into the same things you are is a great way to meet new friends. You already have something in common to share, and springboard a new friendship off of. I know you will be fine. I was once like you, and I wondered if I was a loser because I wasn't out partying on the weekends like my other "friends", but as I continued to push through college, I developed a whole new group of friends (guys and girls) who were just like me, and they are my friends to this day. It will happen to you too. Hang in there and don't be jealous. Trust me... what do you think he's going to do next year when high school is finished and the parties are over? Its only temporary for him, you're working on something more permanent, which is why I think YOU'RE the one moving on with your life, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Good luck to you! You'll be great!
|
I know this isn't about sex but i didn't no what to put it under lol.
So I think Obama should have never became president
I think hi is an idiot.
So i want to know people who did vote for him why you did what were your reasons?
Cause if you think hes ganna pay for your bills and provide for you hes not.
I just wanna know everyones reason for why they voted for him or why you didn't vote for him.
Also a lot of people including me, Think he manly won cause he is black and i think if that is true witch i think it is i think thats wrong.
My resons are because I think racism is wrong and if people vote for him only because he's black just means your being racist. Now you might note be but your basing your decision on the color of his skin i and i think thats horriable.
I bet if he was a white man he would not of one or he wouldn't of one for the reasons he did.
PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS OVENSIVLY IM JUST SPREEDING MY OPINION ON WHAT I BELIEVIE AND I WANT TO KNOW WHAT PEOPLE BELIEVE OR THINK. (link)
|
ADVICENATORS WEBMASTER:
I find the very subject heading of your "question of the week" offensive and rude. This question may not be worded so eloquently, but you know you've had worse! Are you suggesting that this person shouldn't be able to vote because of their political beliefs? We may not agree with him/her, but DOESN'T mean they are stupid or need help. You could have picked something better this week. Instead you chose to be condescending. Not cool.
|
18/f: Hey. So my boyfriend and I had a lot of problems. He was overly insecure and jealous and yelled all the time. I really needed emotional support at the time and after a few months I ended up cheating on him. Me and this new guy had sex a few times and didn't use a condom. He was quite promiscuous and looking back it's probably the most stupid and dangerous thing I've ever done. My boyfriend and I broke up but after a while, we both had personal problems we had to deal with. But now I think we both know where we went wrong and we're trying to work on it. It's weird because in a way I think we're stonger than ever. We have a no secrets policy now lol. I told him everything about this guy I cheated on him with including that we didn't use a condom. He obviously wants me to get tested, and I said I would of course. But the clinic near me only tests for chlamydia. I'm meaning to get tested for that, but they were shut when I called up so I haven't quite got round to it yet. Then, the other day I was having sex with my boyfriend but it hurt and we stopped. This morning, I noticed a rash, down there. It's itchy and quite painful, raised and bumpy. I'm naturally worried. I looked around online and it sounds a bit like herpes, but the last time I had sex with the guy I cheated with was about 2 months ago and he didn't have any sores or a rash or anything like that at a time, doesn't the virus have to be active to be contagious? So maybe it's not that... It could possibly be a reaction to a new cream I've started using for shaving rash. I've been using it for just under a week. I'm really worried though.
The way I see it, if it is herpes there's nothing I can do about it but wait till it goes away anyway, and it'll come back at some point. If it's because of this cream, well i'm gonna stop using it anyway so that'll be fine. So there's no reason to get checked out either way. Unless it could be something else? I know it sounds stupid, but I really don't wanna have to go get checked out. I'll go for any test I can do myself, but to have someone look down there... I would die. I'm self conscious as it is. But, what if it is herpes? Shouldn't I tell my boyfriend? Because it will come up again won't it. And I'm trying to build trust, I dont want him to think i've cheated if it flares up in a few years time.
argh what do i do? (link)
| |
You'd better get checked out ASAP. Herpes isn't just a rash. The outward symptoms are signs of something more serious going on inside you. Left unchecked it can lead to some serious medical problems. Don't wait. I know its scary, but what's done is done. You can't change the past but you can take control of your future. I have a very close family member with herpes. She leads a very normal life with normal relationships, but she will always have to deal with this issue, and always have to inform her partners about it. You need do get educated by a doctor about it, as well, so you know when its safe for sex and other activities. You can still transmit herpes even when you're not having an outbreak. You can do this. The hardest part is taking that first step, but I think you'll find that once you're more informed its not as scary as you think. And, like you said, it might not even be that, but you won't know until you get tested.
|
My roommate is a good person overall- and a good roommate to have- but some aspects of his personality and behavior have stood out to be fairly abnormal, especially given his age (nearly 30). This is not to say that he is threatening to me in any way- to the contrary--he generally keeps his space, maintains friendly dialogue, etc. I would say he is socially awkward to a fairly abnormal degree. He pretty much acts below his age level and does not know how to deal with certain things as an adult would.
Some aspects of his behavior are of concern to me. He usually stays in his room for prolonged periods of time (listening to music, mostly)- even when he has nothing to do and the weather is nice. He reacts to certain situations as an adolescent (and not adult) would, and describes events in a very immature/somewhat angry way. He has to consistently remind me that he is a grown man, even though he does not act like one. A normal amount of immaturity (at times) can be be understandable, but he is seriously immature and it seems he is afraid of the world in many ways.
Like a child, he seems to be overly concerned about what I think of him or how he responds to a certain situation (I once asked him if my package had arrived, he said that it had not. When I got home later in the day, i saw it had arrived. Without my mentioning anything at all, he told me- probably twice- that he did not see it, and asked where I had seen it. He then reminded me that sometimes the packages arrive later than general mail.. he asked me again where I had seen it, and reminded me, yet again, that he had not seen it). He repeatedly reminds me that he will do the dishes, vacuum, etc., when I never, ever remind him too (we tend to share chores); it seems like he is constantly on guard and afraid of being judged- as though if he does not overtly tell me he will do something, I will judge him as being incompetent. In addition, he has a lot of tension, and this seems to be expressed in the way he speaks and talks about certain topics, some of which should be neutral.
I wrote a lot, mainly to fully explain the situation. I deal with my roommate constructively ( I do not ridicule him, and try to socialize with him in a positive way, if even to hear him out or explain my day). The issue is not in how to deal with him, but rather to understand why he is behaving in the ways he is.
SO for those familiar with his behavior, what can account for this? He is almost 30, and acts immature and in many ways socially inept. Any knowledge, personal experience, etc., is greatly appreciated.
(link)
| |
This sounds EXACTLY like a good friend of mine, almost to a tee! In his case, he's the baby (even though he's about to turn 40) in his family, which has always made me think he's immature because of that. Also, he lost his mom as a child and had an emotionally abusive stepmother and a father who wasn't emotionally available but who always bailed my friend out with money or a car or whatever he needed. My friend is not very responsible, so he's been kind of dependent on his Dad throughout his adult life, and I think that breeds in him a sense of inferiority and unworthiness. He hasn't had the opportunity to develop his own sense of worth by working for things and digging himself out of his own messes, and that makes it hard for him to socialize with others and feel confident enough to approach people and conversate, etc. As a result, he is really weird in social situations, with people outside of my family. Even though he is a nice guy, he almost comes off as creepy. He NEVER goes out unless I or my husband invite him somewhere, he mostly hangs out in his room on the computer or listening to the radio. And he's super defensive, just like your roommate. And he is passive-aggressive. Again, I believe all of it stems from his relationship with his stepmom and losing his own mother so early. He's always had a chip on his shoulder about that and its so visible it makes it uncomfortable to interact with other people, because you can sense it when you're talking to him. So maybe you roommate has had similar experiences. Its cool that you just want to understand him better. I hope this helps a bit. People like that need people like you who will just treat them as a peer and not judge, even though they might seem a little weird. You sound like a good roommate.
|
|
Okay so this guy screwed me over, totally used me, cheated on me, broke my heart, posted these half naked pictures of himself on fb (what a douche, right?) and i STILL like him. what the hell? (link)
| |
Were you sleeping with him? If yes, there's your answer. Sex isn't just a physical act (at least for women). When you have sex with someone you are actually giving away a piece of yourself. Now that the guy is gone, he's taken off with a HUGE piece of you. So, naturally, its hard to untangle yourself from that so quickly, no matter how jerkish he is. My only advice here is to do your best to avoid ANYTHING to do with him. Don't call him, email him, surf his FB or Myspace or anything like that. You need time to get over him and any kind of contact with him is only torture for you. Find something else to throw yourself, like work, friends, activities, anything to take your mind off of him. And remember (I know this sounds old-fashioned, but it works) sex is for two people who are in a long-term, loving and committed relationship. If you reserve sex for that, you'll find a great guy who loves you for YOU and wants to treat you with the love and respect you deserve. Good luck.
|
So here's my situation. I started working at this sub shop back in June and I found out that one of the other employees was my brother's good friend. I'm 17, he's 20.
At first I thought he was...just not my type. I'm a straight-A student, graduated from high school 2 years early, pre-med, getting my AA degree next May, drank for the first time last June, hates drugs, etc. All that good stuff. Oh and I've never had a boyfriend or my first kiss. I'm not a prude and I'm not a loser--I just have met a lot of loser guys and I haven't had any interest in any that have liked me back.
So on a few nights at work that weren't busy we started talking and our conversations got...pretty deep. We talked about our opinions of love and about his past girlfriends and stuff like that. One night my brother asked me if I liked him and I didn't know how to answer because I wasn't quite sure yet--so I didn't say anything and he was like "oh so you do hahahaha". So now all of his friends know, including the guy in question. He didn't tell me that he knew. The guy I mean. He just left it alone and pretended he didn't know anything.
Well I finally talked to him about it because things were getting a little awkward. We talked for about an hour and a half. 1/4 of the conversation was about the subject at hand--dating eachother. The other 3/4 of the conversation was about other random stuff and joking around and etc. He said that when he heard about that I liked him he thought about it and considered it. He said he decided that I was really cool and cute and awesome but that I was just too innocent. He started saying how he has done such bad things in his life(of course i already knew about these things) and he said that we were just total opposites. I agree...we are. He's gothic and into metal music. I'm pre-med and love rap.
But...I think it was a cowardly excuse. He's only dated one type of girl--why not try something different? I'm not asking to get MARRIED here. All I care about is the feeling I get when I'm around him. He is the sweetest guy I have ever met. I don't care about how he has different intrests then me and is a little more experienced.
To conclude, I had that talk with him about 3 weeks ago. I have consistently had dreams about him everynight for about 2 weeks and I cannot stop thinking about him worth a dime.
I just wish that there was something I could do or say that would prove to him that it's not a lost cause and that it's worth a try. I don't really see what the big deal is. Any ideas on something that I should say? or do?
I've requested to my manager that I don't work on certain mornings in order to avoid him--so I can get over him. But the more I think about not seeing him at all anymore the more depressed I get. He really is a great guy. I'm literally down-in-the-dumps over him and that does not happen to me often. I don't know what else to do. (link)
| |
It sounds to me like he was giving you a warning more-so than just randomly blowing you off. He's letting you know that he thinks you're a nice girl and he knows he'll end up hurting you because he's not that nice of a guy (relationship-wise). Listen to him. A lot of times women ignore the signals they get from men because they like them so much and they really believe they can "change" them or "things will be different with me". He's being straight up with you. It hurts, but you should take him at his word for now. In his own weird way he's trying to be a gentleman. As for the dreams, well, you were really hurt and he's on your mind and heart a lot because of that, so naturally it finds its way into your dreams. Continue to try to work other shifts and pursue your own interests. In time it will all even out for you and you'll be glad you made a level headed decision.
|
Note:This is so emotional for me to write..bare with me.To start things off,I just wanna say thanks to whoever reads this.God..I really just need to be heard.Ok..I graduated High school may of this year..2009.I have no job(I have been looking!),Im not enrolled in college or anything(I really want to be!),and basically I feel like my life is being put on hold.Senior year was really hard for me.I had senior due's to pay including prom,senior pictures,ect.Not having a job at the time,the only thing(or shall I say person)to depend on was my mother.I guess my mom didnt wanna waste her money on my senior year so she didnt.She didnt pay so I missed out on so much and I was crushed.To see all my fellow senior classmates wear their senior t-shirts and everything made me feel sooo left out.So,now thats its fall season(college season),I really want to go to college and get a higher education.But the one thing that is stopping me is money.I have like the selfish parents ever.I love both my mom and dad dearly,but at times like this I just dont feel cared about.I cry like every night when I hear how much fun my friends are having in college and the way they love their dorm rooms and i feel like I have never had the chance to better myself.I recently learrned of goverment grants out there and decided to appy.But in the process,I learned that in order to recieve the book and guide I had to pay an $1.95 shipping and handling fee.You apply for grants on the internet and therefore have to enter you credit card number.I dont have a credit card.And If i did,there wouldnt be any money on it becuase I dont have a job to start with.So I asked my parents..I got a no.My heart broke in two.I cant even get $1.95 for a mailing fee.I feel stuck and that I will never get to where I want to be.I've tried everything..Finacial aid,scholarships,everything.I sit in my room waiting for that day to come when someone or something is gonna change my whole life.I pray every chance I get and my faith is still a little rocky.On september,18,2009,I will be eighteen years old.Legal of age.A young woman.If I was granted one wish on that day my wish would be to start my life...the right way.I would want to start living and not just existing.So..I want some help from you guys.I want you guys to help me to understand that everything will be ok and that my life WILL get better and that im not wrong for wanting to better myself becuase right now..at this very moment..I dont need a best friend or a million dollars.I just need someone to listen.Someone to understand.
Thanks to all the readers. (link)
| |
I agree with the previous advice. Community college is cheaper to start out. But I think the larger issue is that you feel your parents owe you something. They have raised you, fed you and clothed you to this point. Its not your right to have your college paid for by your parents. It would be nice, but they don't owe that to you. If you really want to go to school that bad, you have to find a way to do it on your own. It can be done, but you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself (a little bit of that is fine, we all do it sometimes) and start being proactive. First, any site that wants you to enter credit card info for grant info is NOT legit! Don't waste your time with those. Go to your high school counselor (you can still visit, even if you've already graduated) and ask for some resources for grants and scholarships. Find a job if you don't already have one, and try not to have a chip on your shoulder. You may think your Mom is being selfish, but have you considered what SHE has to pay for? Rent/mortgage, bills, cars, gas food? Maybe she just doesn't have the extra money. But listen, take it from me, if you do this on your own you will appreciate the experience much more than some spoiled kid who just got it all handed to them. I graduated college and never got ANY help from parents. I worked, got loans and scholarship, and I still consider it one of the greatest accomplishments of my life. You CAN do this. You sound intelligent and you have goals, so that's a great start. Its okay feel sad and misunderstood, but at some point you have to get moving again. You just have to accept that it is what it is and figure out another way. I believe you can do this. Like I said, I did it myself, so I know its possible. Don't worry so much about other people and what they have and do. Concentrate on the things you CAN control (work, research, saving money, etc.) and don't forget that Rome wasn't built in a day. Anything worth having takes time and commitment, but it can be done. And someday you'll have an inspiring story to tell your own children, or maybe even inspire other teens with how hard you worked to get what you want. Good luck!
|
|
I dated this guy for a year and then I broke up with him when I was 19 almost 20. I have always loved him and held on to feelings for him, but I broke his heart and he withdrew from me and finally I didn't hear from him at all for about 4 years. I broke up with him because I focused on his imperfections instead of all of his wonderful qualities. Also, he wanted to get married and I don't think that I was ready for that at 19 or 20 and was scared. I am 26 now and more prepared for marriage. The thing is he called me up out of the blue about a year ago and told me that he had been married for 2 years and was now seperating because she cheated on him. We have been friends for the past year and his divorce is final and now I want to tell him that I want us to get back together but don't know if I should write a letter, or tell him in person, or write a brief letter and then talk to him in person or what I should even say. I don't know how he will react to this. What should I do? (link)
| |
Sometimes I think a letter is better because you can take the time to express your feelings just the way you want to without the nerves. Also, a personal confession might be a little overwhelming for him considering he's just divorced. Even though the divorce may be justified, its still a very traumatic thing for anyone to go through, and he might not be totally ready to dive into another serious relationship. You have to be prepared for that. Also, if you truly care for him, you definitely don't want to be the "rebound" girl. I would suggest continuing the friendship for a while longer, letting him recover a bit, and then maybe writing him a letter telling him how you feel, how you've always regretted how you treated him, and that you hope there is a future for the two of you at some point. Then the ball is in his court. Good Luck to you both.
|
|