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Roommate- socially inept, awkward, abnormal??
My roommate is a good person overall- and a good roommate to have- but some aspects of his personality and behavior have stood out to be fairly abnormal, especially given his age (nearly 30). This is not to say that he is threatening to me in any way- to the contrary--he generally keeps his space, maintains friendly dialogue, etc. I would say he is socially awkward to a fairly abnormal degree. He pretty much acts below his age level and does not know how to deal with certain things as an adult would.
Some aspects of his behavior are of concern to me. He usually stays in his room for prolonged periods of time (listening to music, mostly)- even when he has nothing to do and the weather is nice. He reacts to certain situations as an adolescent (and not adult) would, and describes events in a very immature/somewhat angry way. He has to consistently remind me that he is a grown man, even though he does not act like one. A normal amount of immaturity (at times) can be be understandable, but he is seriously immature and it seems he is afraid of the world in many ways.
Like a child, he seems to be overly concerned about what I think of him or how he responds to a certain situation (I once asked him if my package had arrived, he said that it had not. When I got home later in the day, i saw it had arrived. Without my mentioning anything at all, he told me- probably twice- that he did not see it, and asked where I had seen it. He then reminded me that sometimes the packages arrive later than general mail.. he asked me again where I had seen it, and reminded me, yet again, that he had not seen it). He repeatedly reminds me that he will do the dishes, vacuum, etc., when I never, ever remind him too (we tend to share chores); it seems like he is constantly on guard and afraid of being judged- as though if he does not overtly tell me he will do something, I will judge him as being incompetent. In addition, he has a lot of tension, and this seems to be expressed in the way he speaks and talks about certain topics, some of which should be neutral.
I wrote a lot, mainly to fully explain the situation. I deal with my roommate constructively ( I do not ridicule him, and try to socialize with him in a positive way, if even to hear him out or explain my day). The issue is not in how to deal with him, but rather to understand why he is behaving in the ways he is.
SO for those familiar with his behavior, what can account for this? He is almost 30, and acts immature and in many ways socially inept. Any knowledge, personal experience, etc., is greatly appreciated.
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This sounds EXACTLY like a good friend of mine, almost to a tee! In his case, he's the baby (even though he's about to turn 40) in his family, which has always made me think he's immature because of that. Also, he lost his mom as a child and had an emotionally abusive stepmother and a father who wasn't emotionally available but who always bailed my friend out with money or a car or whatever he needed. My friend is not very responsible, so he's been kind of dependent on his Dad throughout his adult life, and I think that breeds in him a sense of inferiority and unworthiness. He hasn't had the opportunity to develop his own sense of worth by working for things and digging himself out of his own messes, and that makes it hard for him to socialize with others and feel confident enough to approach people and conversate, etc. As a result, he is really weird in social situations, with people outside of my family. Even though he is a nice guy, he almost comes off as creepy. He NEVER goes out unless I or my husband invite him somewhere, he mostly hangs out in his room on the computer or listening to the radio. And he's super defensive, just like your roommate. And he is passive-aggressive. Again, I believe all of it stems from his relationship with his stepmom and losing his own mother so early. He's always had a chip on his shoulder about that and its so visible it makes it uncomfortable to interact with other people, because you can sense it when you're talking to him. So maybe you roommate has had similar experiences. Its cool that you just want to understand him better. I hope this helps a bit. People like that need people like you who will just treat them as a peer and not judge, even though they might seem a little weird. You sound like a good roommate.
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Maybe you should talk to him about it because his beahvior is odd it reminds of this guy i use to work with he acted like this all the time and eventually went into depression i dont know how but he did so i think what you should do is take him out and help him interact with adults teach him how to be a grown up and once hes in an adult atmosphere he will have to change and tell him that he doesnt have to make everyone like him and that he should just calm down and act his age and be normal and that not everyone is judging him so he doesnt need to feel wierd and when at home teach him to have a real convo with you and how not to be so caught up in everyone liking him and just take him out so he isnt stuck in his room all by himself because thats just isolation and that could lead to avoiding everything so ya just comfort him and be the best friend and roomate you can possibly be to just help the guy out.
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