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Well, i was born, oldest of four kids. first off my mother had a divorce when i was born, my 13 yeaer old sister, and she was pregnant with my now 6 year old sister. she ran away from california to montana to try a new life. She married a man named Jesse. that man abused me, and hated me, never had a job, and forced us to move 14 different places during my age of 9-12. my mom had a kid with him and he is now 3. they got a divorce and out of spite Jesse called immigration on my mother. she was put into a detention center, and within two days of that my father in Cali came and took me and my 13 year old sister, my two younger sibs went with Jesse. my mom will be deported on June 23rd. i was forced to California for 4 months, and i was lonely, never made a single friend since all the highschool kids (im 16 by the way) did drugs or alcohol. so i didnt fit in. anyhow, through all this i had a girlfriend, she has been amazing. she was the only "Silver Lining" in my life. And i recently came back to montana, for spring break and i decided to stay. my mom got released from the detention center and so i decided to stay with my friend Ryan, (16 years old too) anyway, his parents took me in like their own child, this made my dad very angry and he disowned me. he wont answer his phone, he wont call me, he said he's dissconnecting my phone, and he said he's done with me and trying to help me. so he's been gone for like 2 weeks... and i had to go to court to fight for the right to see my two younger siblings. The attorney told me to find people willing to go to the cort session as people supporting my mom. so i called my girlfriends parents (i always got along with them and they were always nice to me) so they went to the court. it was there that they both found out just how shitty my life has been so far. after finding this all out in court, they decided my life was "to stressful for their daughter" so they took her out of school, took away her phone, took away her laptop, and any means of contact with me. (this happened the day before yesterday) they refuse to let me see her, and refuse to let me talk to her. This hurts me. she has been there for me through everything, all my shitty life experiences, all of it. she's been with me (2 years) i can't live without her. i simply can not go on. i know that sounds ridiculous seeing as how i am so young. but believe me. i know she is "the one" i've dated girls before and thought i liked them, but compared to this one. they are nothing. she is the love of my life and the one i cnt let go. every time im around her, i feel like my life has meaning and purpose. i feel like i want to become a better person. i just cant live without her. and i know she needs me too. i dont know what to do... someone... please help me... (link)
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My goodness, you have a lot going on for your age.
I am sorry for all you have been through, and I hope you realize that this isn't your fault. None of it.
You are obviously a very intelligent person, so I am hoping you can see the truth of what I am about to say even though you are hurting so badly.
Your girlfriend's parents don't hate you. Not at all. They are simply scared for their daughter.
If she was your daughter, and you found out that there was a lot of badness in her boyfriend's family, wouldn't you be afraid that all that drama and badness would spill over and ruin her life? Of course you would!
Is the situation impossible? Not at all. Here is how you fix it:
Her parents expect you to turn out just like your parents, and they are right to expect that, since that is what USUALLY happens. So what do you do?
Now is the time that you take charge of yourself and realize that you don't have to be someone else. You get to CHOOSE how you respond to this situation. If you handle this in a responsible manner, her parents will see that.
Do you love this girl? I mean really, not this puppy love garbage people are always on about, I mean real, sincere, spend the rest of your life with someone... love?
If so, then you have a little time to get yourself together and on track before you become an adult. If she feels the same way about you, then in less than two years, you will be adults and able to make your own call on seeing each other.
Is it going to be that long before you get to talk to her? Probably not. My suggestion is to write her parents a letter. Tell them that you will do whatever it takes to be a part of their daughter's life.
Ask them not to judge you by your parents actions. Explain that you are determined to be the man that they want to have in their daughter's life, and then ask them to talk with you about this.
If they have a heart at all, then you should be able to see her again, though maybe not as much as you would like, while you prove to them that you are a stable person who isn't going to freak out and run off like they are afraid from what your mother did.
If you need anything else, please write me.
DN.
P.S. I am glad you got to stay in Montana. Beautiful place to re-build your life. I used to live there once upon a time.
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My ex of three and a half years just got back home for leave from the military and has been trying to get a hold of me for the past few months. The problem is he dumped me on Valentine's Day and broke my heart after waiting over 6 mths for him. Now since he's back we ran into each other at the store of course since it's a small town. We decided to go grab a bite to eat and I just wanted to see how he was doing because ultimately I still care about him. One thing led to another and we started kissing. And now he's saying he wants me back... I'm so confused... My parents can't stand him but I believe I'm responsible enough to know what's best for me. I work and go to school full time. I still love him deeply and think I want to give it another shot even though he hurt me before. Is it bad to go ahead and give it another shot, or should I just pretend like the whole kiss meant nothing? Should I let my parents views affect that of who I date. Please help me! (link)
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You know, this is a time when you are probably better off to listen to your parents. There is a famous thing guys in the military do... and this sounds like it. Let me predict what is going to happen next:
You two will get together, you will have sex, which for him is cheaper than a prostitute while he is on leave, then when it is time for him to be deployed again, he will tell you something about how he thought it would work out, but it isn't... and he will dump you again when he leaves.
Then next time he is back, he will contact you again, casually, and try the same thing.
I hope you don't fall for this, but the way you write about this it sounds like true love on your part, so I am afraid you won't listen and will get hurt again.
As for your parents, well, this isn't about responsibility, it is about life experience. Your parents have been around long enough to know this is probably a scam, and he is probably using you for sex until he leaves again.
I hope it works out differently for you, but I have heard this story many, many times.
Would you please let me know in feedback what you decide to do and how it works out? I am really worried about you.
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At my school, it's required for seniors to do a senior project. It's done throughout the entire year, so I thought it would be great to do some sort of community service, since it's definitely something that can help with college admissions.
1. Do a clothing drive for kids and teens in Cameroon (my family is Cameroonian, so it really means something to me to help there), and also do the "30 hour famine" ( http://www.30hourfamine.org/ ) to raise money and food supplies for other poor Africans
2. Participate in "Jamie Oliver's food revolution" ( http://www.jamieoliver.com/us/foundation/jamies-food-revolution ) to change lunch in my school district. Nobody likes the food at my school, because it's bland, processed, etc. but we do have healthy sides, like vegetables and fruit, so I'm not sure whether I need to do it. the driving factor for me wanting to do this is so that my younger brother in elementary school can eat good food as he grows up, when he eats school lunch. I don't like the idea of him eating what we have now all the time. Also, school lunch at my school is exorbitantly expensive, so I'd love for the food to be better quality, but at a reasonable price, if possible. and no high fructose corn syrup in chocolate milk and our drink machines!
These are the 2 main ideas I have now. I really want something to have a big community impact, whether it's in my town or someplace else. Usually people pick projects that don't have much of an influence, like learning to play guitar or w/e, but I love to help people out, and understand how much work it's going to take, and seek it. (I'll have all year to do it, anyways)
If you have any other good ideas, please add! When I go to college I want to major in Economics.. but I couldn't think of a senior project relating to that. So if you can, I'd love to hear it! Or anything else! And my dream college is University of Chicago, by the way. If that affects anything!
Thanks so much if you can give your input. (link)
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You sound more passionate about the Jamie Oliver initiative at your school. Best to do a project you are passionate about.
Have you watched the whole last season of Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution? Stunning how ignorant people are about food. How about a bunch of kids that can't identify vegetables?
Simple math dictates that both your goals are more likely to be achieved in the long run by choosing the school revolution project now. If you get African kids clothed, will that improve their situation enough to be able to send aid to another country?
If you help kids here learn to care about where their food comes from, which leads to thinking about the whole world differently, then you will have helped to inspire a generation from the richest country on the planet to care about others.
What if you could do this, and inspire 10s of thousands, if not millions of kids here to reach out to Cameroon among other places?
Something to think about.
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When I poo it feels hard to poo and there has been blood in the toilet after I have had a poo (link)
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You already asked this here:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=593959
... please come back tomorrow to see what answers have been given. If you signed up for the site, you would get an e-mail every time someone answers you.
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Ugh. The same old A+ staring back at me. No one to talk to except a stray piece of paper, or a napkin; something that will listen. As a kid I would talk to a ragged teddy bear, which got lost. Everyone hates me. If I start a conversation or try to join one, they move away, wrinkling their noses. Is it really my fault that at eleven-almost-twelve I have the worst complexion in the world, along with the facts that I'm twice their height, can't play sports, and am just a failure. I can't even swim! Everyone believes that I'm not getting picked on just because I'm tall! Tall people can get picked on just as much as short people. I've been so stressed lately, and my dad wants me to be perfect. And then last week I got a C-! I've been too afraid to tell anyone. My life is a train wreck. (link)
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I relate to being the giant oak tree among the saplings that were my peers. As for the complexion issue, you may be eating something that is aggravating it. In my case, back in the day, I stopped drinking milk and my complexion improved dramatically. Not saying that is a sure thing for you, but it is one of many things to cut out of your diet and see the result.
As for not being able to play sports, why is that? Are you disabled, or have you just not learned yet? I basically got conned into playing sports by a coach that heard me saying what you are saying. Wrestling and football were both fun to learn. Bug as you are, there will not be very many people in your wrestling division, which is nice, if you should decide to go out for it.
As for the "everyone hates me" syndrome... well, it isn't true. The people that you WANT to like you may not be giving you much love, but there are other people out there.
Sounds like a broken record, but it is very true: anyone who doesn't want to be around you due to a complexion issue... is NOBODY you need in your life anyway.
Keep your nose in the books, and soon enough they will all be coming to you for a job anyway. :-)
Oh, you aren't the only one who waited until later in life to learn to swim. It can still happen.
Train wreck? I think not. Proper use of a semi-colon indicates you have a bright future. :-) I know it is a very hard thing to take when you are young and people treat you badly for the stupidest reasons, but it does get better.
If I could go back in time and give myself advice, it would be this: Join the chess club ASAP, get into debate and forensic speech the first day they are available to you... and unless you are crippled, you CAN play a sport.
Getting over the embarrassment of not instantly being good at something is the only thing holding you back from getting what you want out of life.
You are obviously a bright person, and so I know this will make sense to you: When you have a brain that makes many things easy for you... the first time you run into something that isn't instantly easy for you, it can be crushing. You are like: "Everything else comes easy, but I can't do this!"
... and then you give up. Big mistake. Tough it out and you will have one of the most important skills for overcoming the problems that are headed your way. What skill, you say? Perseverance. Trust me when I say the ability to persevere when all others give up will go further toward your success that just about anything else.
Good luck to you, and when you are old enough to have an advice column here, I hope you will return and start one. I have a feeling that you are going to have a lot to offer the world.
If you have other questions, feel free to ask me.
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i am from india.i luv my boyfriend bt still luv to talk with my ex as a friend..he thinks i still for him.once wen i decided to go back to my ex,he cried and i had to come back to my present boyfriend.nw m on my vacation for two months and far frm him..nw again he doubts dat i luv my ex and is with him..truth is i talk 2 my ex bt doesnt luv him..my boyfriend acts weird nowadays and asks me to go back 2 my ex..saying story will have agud ending..which i dont want to.dont know how to get my boyfriend back.he has lost trust in me..need ur advice (link)
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It all comes down to this: "once wen i decided to go back to my ex..."
You can never take that back. He knows that you can change your mind any time, which means you don't really love him.
You already proved you still want to be with your ex, because you already went to be with him before.
You should leave your present boyfriend. You hurt him too bad, and he doesn't want you back because he can't trust you.
He would be stupid if he ever trusted you again.
Next time you find a boyfriend, if you go to live with your ex, you will lose the next boyfriend too.
You have been very cruel, and nobody likes that.
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vaginisme et chance d'etre enceinte (link)
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English please.
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Natural minerals
(link)
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This isn't a question. Try again.
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shenasnamehaye ma kojast? (link)
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English please.
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Im gay. so, AIDS and HIV are verry big issues for me. I was just wondering, what are the signs or symptoms of someone who has AIDS or HIV. (link)
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This is what is so scary about all this:
People with HIV can show ZERO symptoms for years. Some people don't even show positive on a test for 10 years or so.
Basically, someone can spread AIDS for 10 years or more without even knowing they have it.
Here is a link to the Mayo Clinic's list of HIV/AIDS symptoms through all stages:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/hiv-aids/DS00005/DSECTION=symptoms
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Adviceman49 here. Found this article about herpes transmission prevention, transmission and condom usage. I thought you might want to read it. http://herpes-coldsores.com/herpes_prevention_tips.htm (link)
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I would like to thank you for making the exact point I wish you would have made to that young woman, now infected with herpes:
From the page you sent me:
"...condoms do not guarantee safety. This is because the herpes infection is not always located in an area that can be covered by a condom."
Condoms are not 100% effective against herpes, or HPV. Not even close.
Current status on this, by the way is with the lawyers. She has herpes outbreaks on her face, vagina/anus and has been diagnosed with ocular herpes, which will eventually leave her blind in one eye.
Please take better care with your advice. Bad advice hurts people. In this case listening to "fatherly advice" destroyed her life. Had she been one year younger, you would be in court over this.
Stop trying to defend your position. It is wrong. Period. Even the people you send me to defend your position are making the simple point I originally asked you to make: Using a condom doesn't make you 100% safe from anything.
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I'm really not sure whether I should try smoking pot again. I will absolutely, never, ever become a "pot head" but I'm not completely against doing it once in a while. I'm just a bit torn because my first experience with pot wasn't the best
My first experience with alcohol was fine. I was nervous at first being the sort of uptight, kind of anxious person I am, but it did nothing to me but made me giddy and kind of hyper. No crazy, unexpected feelings. Now, I probably drink, like once a week with friends. I went up to visit my older brother in college one weekend and he told me he wanted me to try smoking pot. I was very, very excited because I'd always wanted to feel what it's like to be high. My brother and his friends who have kind of become potheads showed me the bag of weed and told what "great stuff" it was and how high we would get. Anxiously, I went with my brother into the woods so we could smoke. I took 3 or 4 pretty big hits, we went back inside, and I felt a little lightheaded but nothing else.
Afterwards we went to a party at my brother's friends house and a lot of people were there, all of whom I didn't know. I had a few sips of alcohol but that was it. I was getting really anxious to smoke again. I was GOING to get high that night. We finally went to the back and smoked again. I had 3 HUGE hits. One was so big I almost threw up coughing.
A couple minutes later we went back in and I felt kind of sick, dizzy, and really out of it. Literally as I was telling my brother that I didn't feel good, I was hit with this crazy feeling of not being conscious for a second and not being inside my own body, and everything looked distorted for a second. I started crying hysterically and I was shaking and just felt so uncomfortable. I felt like I was going unconscious every other second.
We left immediately and I cooled down a little. We got back and it was just my brother and me in his room and we ate and listened to music and I laughed hysterically at everything and felt a lot better. I still felt like I was in outer space though, especially in the few minutes my brother's friend came into the room, in which I started feeling very uncomfortable again. So, the second half of my experience being stoned was quite pleasant but still a little freaky.
A few questions: Do you think I smoked too much and was overly high for my first time? Did the fact that this weed was such "good stuff" partly cause my little episode? Did my anxiety attack come from being in a foreign place with strangers? If I smoke again will I feel more comfortable since I know what to expect? Next time should I just try to ingest the smoke with out smoking a joint? or weed brownies? What are ways of preventing freaking out? Are there levels of high or are you just high? Is it normal to feel as out of it as I did just being moderately high?
I NEED closure with this. I will probably smoke again just because of that but I'd love to hear your thoughts. THANK YOU (link)
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There is a lot more that can be said, and I think the others have coverd it, but put simply:
Panic attacks can be fatal.
Do you wish to take a chance on death?
If not, then let your dope smoking days be behind you. If you should ever have another PA that isn't pot related, then it is a good idea to seek professional help.
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So theirs this guy who ive been talking 2t since march 2, (im not a stalker i just remeber the day)i really lyk me && when we see each other at school we hug, he tells me i look beautiful && abunch of other sweet things. i really lyk him && when we text he calles me baby/babe. if were not together than please give me some ideas 2t lyk hint that i want him 2t ask me out, im 13 && hes 13 2t, hes a pretty boii, so hes lyk a majer player please help (link)
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Please re-ask this using real English words. We don't do chat-speak here. If you are caught doing this in your answers, your account will be banned.
Consider this a friendly warning. :-)
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I'm not sure but I'm thinking about having sex with my bf. But i don't want my parents to find out. What if I'm at the doctors and the ask if I'm sexually active and my parents are there for some weird reason. How do I keep them thinking tht I'm a virgin (link)
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Do you really want to lie to your parents, and then when you end up pregnant and with a sex related disease, you have to tell them all this at once?
Parents can be helpful. Here is a tip or two you probably didn't know: Condoms don't stop herpes, they don't stop HPV/genital warts/cervical cancer.
Having sex means being able to go to the doctor any time you need testing and any time something just doesn't seem right down there. You can't do this if you are hiding things from your parents.
The short answer is that you can't keep it from them forever, and if you lie to them about it, they will never trust you for the rest of your life. You will NEVER get that trust back.
Please think twice about doing this in secret. It is a bad idea, even though it doesn't seem like it now.
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A itchy rash or disease between your legs that speads when you itch or a disease or a virus what does it look like (link)
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There are so many bad things that this could be, that you need to see a doctor right away.
As hard as it is, you need to keep your hands off since you know for certain it is spreading. If it is herpes for example, then if you scratch there and later rub your eye, you can get ocular herpes. You don't want this to happen.
Fact is that this could be any number of things, but because of where it is, you MUST go see a doctor right away. It could be a simple overgrowth of yeast, it could be a staph infection, etc...
Only a doctor can help you with this now. Please go right away before this gets any worse.
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This morning I woke up and my throat felt funny, but it didn't hurt. Throughout the day I felt sicker and sicker. On my way home it felt like a regular cold. Now its almost midnight, I took a long nap. Now my throat feels really really tight. I'm scared to go to sleep. I'm scared that each breath is my last. I looked in the mirror and the food hole looks smaller. Is it possible that my throat can close and I'll stop breathing? I haven't felt my throat this bad in a long long time. What can it possibly be? Can you explain the closing process? If I can suffocate, is it a painful death? If something were to go wrong while sleeping, would I feel it, or would I just not wake up? I'm really scared. I'm M/15, I want to grow to be old and change the world. I had an unusual good day today, a very good day. So I feel sad for a few months and once good things happen, I feel like I won't be alive for these good days. I had a dream of the girl I like too. Thanks if you can explain. :( (link)
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This is one of those times you should go to the emergency room. Any time you are legitimately worried about dying in your sleep, it is time to get some help!
I do not wish to alarm you, and I am certainly NO doctor, but I knew someone with acute allergies that had a similar experience. The throat closing is one of the major problems people with sever allergies experience.
In the situation I am talking about, the person had no idea they were allergic to what triggered their throat constricting. Had they not gotten treatment in time, they would have died.
Please go to the ER and get this taken care of! Don't be afraid to bother someone with this... your life is important! Do it now, don't wait. Any time you have cause to be afraid for your life, you need to take action right away.
Please go now.
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You just answered my other question, which brings me to another.
You mentioned whether or not I have been completely honest with my boyfriend about my sexual past. I have been but it hurts him that he wasn't my first and I was his so, bringing it up is completely taboo.
Could that be why I get that guilty feeling? (link)
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Well, you may have hit the nail on the head.
I have some experience with this subject, and I can tell you from a male perspective that it isn't likely you every truly get over that kind of hurt.
The only saving grace is if you told him all of this BEFORE the first time you had sex, and before he truly fell in love with you. Otherwise, the guy is likely to feel trapped in a way. It is one of the few issues with which men are truly complicated, and not just misunderstood.
He may or may not have said something to you about this which is making you feel guilty about your past... but it is more likely that you found a guy you really love and feel bad for throwing away your greatest gift on someone else.
The level of guilt you are feeling, and also the level of issue this has caused in your relationship can be greatly reduced or even removed if you can reason things out.
Example: You had sex with ONE other person. You did this because you were in love, and the person PROMISED you that you would be married.
Guilt level here shouldn't be too bad. You have a reason for everything you did.
If, on the other hand, (and I am NOT saying this is you, just as an example) you were with dozens of guys, actually had one-night-stand style hook-ups, or otherwise felt like an outright slut before you entered this relationship due to the slutty things you had done... then it is would be a lot harder to overcome this. Why?
Because the odds are, you aren't going to be able to come up with a justifiable reason for each man you had sex with.
Men aren't stupid, contrary to popular belief, we are well aware that a woman who has sex with men for no reason other than a tickle down there, is NOT to be trusted... ever. How do we know this? Simple enough: Would you trust a man with your heart if they have a track record of one-night-stands and generally sexing people at random? Of course not... you aren't stupid either.
The worst of these are the ones you see here who are busy having anal and oral with random people... and still say they are virgins. How sad is that?
You get with someone like this, and suddenly, even if they said they weren't a virgin, and gave you a number of people they shared themselves with... say 3, for example, you later find out that the real number is actually large enough that they can't remember. Had this experience.
Fortunately it all came out before it got intimate.
Anywho, the point of all that was that if you have sound logical reason for EVERY sexual contact you have had in the past, then you can overcome this, and with a little help, he should be able to as well.
If you have an uglier history than that, then it will be harder to overcome.
While we are here, and I mentioned virginity along with the outright lies people tell about it... This kind of makes the point that virginity is not about a flap of skin... It is about freedom from emotional baggage and disease probabilities.
Why can't more people see that?
If you could, wouldn't you wish to be free from the guilt you have been experiencing?
Have you ever wished you had saved your innocence for him, like he did for you?
I think that says it all in one line, sorry it took me this long to get around to that. :-) If you ever had the thought that you wished you waited to be with him, like he waited his whole life just to be special for you, then THAT could very well be where the guilt is coming from.
I have been up too long, did any of that ring a bell with you? Please let me know in feedback.
Again, my apologies for rambling. Just be glad I didn't tell you the whole story of my various experiences with this subject. One of them could fill a novel. Maybe even a three book deal. :(
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I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now and we're in love and plan to get married. My problem is that sometimes I feel guilty after he and I have sex. During the sex, I feel great, but afterwards occasionally I have a small feeling of guilt. It doesn't happen often, but it bothers me. We have a wonderful relationship and our sex is completely consensual. In my mind I don't believe there's anything wrong with anything we do during sex. The feeling of guilt passes fairly quick but I'm curious to know if that's a normal feeling? Why would I feel guilty about having sex with someone I'm in love with? It just doesn't make sense to me. It says to put age and gender so, I'm female and I'll be 19 this month. (link)
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Hi there,
Guilt is only normal when you know you are doing something wrong according to your beliefs. Running with that idea, the following spring to mind:
Do you believe that sex should be within marriage? You guys aren't married, and that might cause guilt.
Do you love him, but also secretly know he is bad for you, or that this isn't the best relationship you could be in?
How about not being ready to have children, but know that birth control is iffy at best?
Have you had an abortion and are afraid you are going to put yourself back in that position by having sex?
Were you sexually abused at any point?
Do you feel ashamed of your body?
Did you lie to your parents about having sex? That would do it.
Lastly, I would ask you: Have you been 110% honest with your boyfriend about your sexual past? If not, or you know he hasn't been, then this can cause guilt, and with good reason.
Those are the things that spring to mind off hand. If it isn't anything it might be in your best interest to look into these feelings further.
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what am i in store for regarding pain and having my teeth pulled all at same time??? i will be getting my dentures put in right after getting them pulled, just looking to see if anyone has any sound advice for me... (link)
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You aren't going to want to do it this way. It takes some time for the swelling to go down after the extractions, and if you have the dentures fitted right away they will not fit right.
Not only will you have to have them re-made (expensive) but it doesn't matter because you will be too sore to use them anyway.
The pain will be a lot more bearable if you don't put hard plastic dentures on top of open wounds, which is what you are talking about doing.
Good luck!
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I have no idea how to fix this disorder but i want to but im afraid to tell my parents help please but if you are going to say to tell ny parent then please tell me how they are strict and get mad when i am not perfect so help please this is my
Last hope (link)
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Hi there,
This has already been asked here:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=593735
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