Wife, mother, loyal friend to the end, model, classic car collector. almost 30 years old, and seen alot in my few years here on earth. People usually come to me for advice, and i give in return grounded, realistic answers.
Gender: Female
Location: San diego
Member Since: January 18, 2005
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Last Update: June 30, 2016
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Dragonflymagic
adviceman49
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Let me start by saying that I didn't mean for this to be so long, but I think it's important for you to know all of the details. Last Tuesday, my mom and I went out to dinner and I don't remember how, but she got on the subject of the four days of her life that she wished she had to do over. The day I was born was on the list, although not for the reason I probably made it sound like.
I was my parents' second child and my sister was like ten days late. She was supposed to come on new years eve and when she still wasn't born, my mom had to check into a hospital and have a C-section the next day. My mom never went into labor with her.
I was supposed to be born on September 18th, but my mom went into labor on the 6th instead. My parents were about 45 miles from home visiting my grandparents for labor day weekend when it happened. My mom didn't want to go on that trip and my other grandparents (her parents) tried to talk her out of it, but they went anyway. When she went into labor, she wanted to go to the hospital, but my grandmother who I love, but who doesn't make very rational decisions and who didn't want them and my sister to leave, said she couldn't be in labor because it was too early. My mom knew otherwise, but my dad was trying to please my grandmother and refused to go to the hospital.
She went into labor at around lunch time on Sunday and late that night, she was in such pain that she said she'd go to the hospital herself if my dad didn't take her. He didn't think that' be safe in her condition, so they went and by the time they got to our hospital back home, my mom couldn't even walk. I had flipped in her stomach, so she had to have a C-section and I was born early on Monday morning, about 12 hours after she went into labor.
I was born with a bruise on my face and a crooked smile, which the doctors said was probably just temporary. They called it Bell's Palsy and said it probably happened because I hit my face on one of my mom's ribs or something because she was in labor so long and I was trying so hard to get out.
Technically, I guess I don't have Bell's Palsy anymore, but I still have weakness. I had surgery and now I have the ability to smile straight, but it's hard to know when I am unless m looking in a mirror. I can't move my left eyebrow up and down and I can't wink my left eye or completely close it when I blink, which has severely damaged my vision.
My parents worked hard to keep me from being sensitive about it and I'm not really. It's not nearly the worst thing that could happen to a person at birth and I'm glad that's all that happened that night. I got teased in school a little, but I didn't really care. I just brushed it off and told myself that those kids were ignorant and if they were going to be such jerks, it's not like I wanted them as friends or anything anyway. Other than teasing, I've never really had any problems. In fact, there have been a few positive things that have come from it, including life lessons I've learned, the way it's helped shape my personality, and the people I've met with the same problem.
My mom feels terrible about it, though. She said she should have gone to the hospital herself when she first went into labor or gotten my granddad to take her. I kept trying to tell her that it was okay and I'm not upset about this problem, but she said it was just because I was such a good problem (sorry if that sounds arrogant). I also told her that she couldn't have known that was going to happen and she said, "But I was your mom, I knew something was wrong, I should have gone to the hospital sooner.)
Why is she making such a big deal about it? I've had this problem my entire life, I thought we'd all learned to deal with it by now, but she still feels so guilty about it. To be honest, she's making me feel bad. Why does it have to be such a big deal? Why is it such a big deal that she got so choked up about it? I mean, at least I don't have CEREBRAL palsy like her friend's son. At least I didn't die at birth like my friends' triplet brother. To be honest, I do kind of wish this hadn't happened, but I like to think it was part of God's plan and it was supposed to happen, but my mom acts like she doesn't even believe that. She and my dad spent years trying to teach me that there was nothing wrong with me, was that all BS? That's what she's making me think by acting like this. Also, how can I make her feel better? (link)
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The situation surrounding the hours before you were born are regrettable obviously, but shes a parent and is going to feel however shes going to feel about it. It really is just one of many situations in life what are usually classified in the "shoulda, coulda, woulda" file ya know??
It happened, its done, and no one can go back and fix that. The healthiest thing to do after something like that is to just try to move forward in the best way you/she can.
My mother actually was HOMELESS with my brother when she found out she was pregnant with me and TOLD me that she was going to abort me but changed her mind suddenly. Now if THAT something someone ever doesnt want to hear, i think i might have won here. hahaa
But really, I told her that under the circumstances i would have understood....thats all you can really tell someone when they tell you something that is that powerful. I didnt say it for me, i said it for her, and im glad i did even if there was just a small, tinyyyy hint of me in there that deep down didnt agree with that 100 percent. However on the whole i did understand and could see that in my mothers situation, it would have been the best move.
you dont have to tell her that shes making you feel bad ok, this is all just a part of getting older and understanding other peoples feelings. Just try to have sympathy, and let this allow you to see her in a newer light.
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I'm a 12 year old female.
I am in 7th grade, and I'm friends with this group of girls, we text, invite each other to stuff, eat lunch together, do all the squad stuff. I'll call them by the first letter of their names (A, T, M, M2, H, E, L) and their are people I hang out with and consider friends, but they're the main group. Anyway, there are these two girls I hung out with in elementary school, I never really fit in during elementary, but in my middle school I've found my own group. I'll call them E2 and C. E2 left and found some other girls. I was ok with that, I was getting bored of her immaturity, and I went to sit with the squad I mentioned earlier. I started to hang out with them regularly and stopped hanging out with C. C is very immature, not like E2's immaturity which is being very young girly, but she cries over everything. She also is a total downer, I auditioned for the play and I was super excited to get my role, and she's all "oh, you shouldn't get your hopes up" "we're just 7th graders. And she is young girly too, she still plays with dolls. With my new friends we listen to music, watch movies and YouTube videos and gossip, you know? Pre teen stuff (H is almost 13, but whatever). And physically, she hasn't even started puberty. Me and my squad have all had our periods (I had my first he 15th) and wear bras and stuff. The problem is she keeps following me and even took T's spot so we had to move to a different table. How do I get C off my back without hurting her feelings? (link)
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ok what you might try to do is match her up with others like her. Hanging with those people or getting friendly with them in your spare time and then introducing her to them soon after could really help her.
you could even take a night and do a group thing and bring her along and then once you can see that they've really hit it off, after that event encourage them to continue speaking to each other. Allow her or the new friends youve made for her to still continue to approach you for a little while AFTER youve introduced them to each other so it doesnt look like a complete set up. Get her into hobbies and things she might really be interested in and then slowly stop doing it with her over time. You may have to do these things after school hours, just to show that your really trying to help her without SAYING OUT RIGHT what your doing.
then let her take over once shes comfortable and slowly back away from the situation over time saying that your busy but to go ahead and have fun and that you wanna hear all about it later over the phone or something. see? ; )
its not impossible you just have to put some effort into it. She should get the picture somewhere along the line but then be comfortable with the new situation and she wont be mad at you.
if you need help with this you can pm me. Ive done this before with people who would just not go away and it worked like magic.
good luck
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so I have a problem with a girl so lets call her Bella So it all started the day I told her we cant be friends with her anymore because of this incident where her mom is saying all badwords to my brother for no reason so I wrote something that looked like if I was threatning her so this is what I said " I don't want to hurt you in a way I could". I know I was so stupid to say that and what I ment to say was I don't want to hurt your feelings and I got all the blame so I'm restricted to talk to Bella and really she is taking my friends and making a new squad and she is stealing my memebers and I want to punch her and so now she is all boasting about her new squad members so I need advice on what should I do and don't say talk to her because I'm not allowd to not even the school nor my parents want to see me talking to her at all and now she is using everything against my will I already have enuf problems with the principal and my parents so plz help me anybody (link)
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The things Dragonfly is saying here are VERY near and dear to me and i understand what you are currently going through ALL too well.
I actually had the same thing happen to me as a kid, but it was involving TWO GIRLS who were evil little things, and no one else could see it but a small handful of us. They set out to stage incidents between them and others to make themselves LOOK like victims. Well guess what....eventually things caught up with them and they were discovered. When they were found out they then turned on each other! im telling you there is no honor among thieves nor is there between fake, insecure, lying fools either! So try to take heart dear.
I was the one of the only kids who at the age i was had such a strong sense of self AND was willing to speak up about it. I told my mother and she promptly called the school and the others of both these girls and guess what....their MOTHERS were JUST as bad as they were! ughhh!! it was awful.
So i took my moms advice, i let my current friends (who honestly i felt betrayed by at the time) be friends with those girls and eventually they were turned on just like i was by them because two these two girls they only cared about each other and really this was their world and to them, we were just all living in it around them....get what im saying??
Now about your friends who are currently hanging out with them....Understand this because once you do, the better off youll be ok....we were ALL on our OWN life paths. You are on yours and they are on theirs and sometimes your going to cross paths with people who are bad and people who are GOOD, and its YOUR job and your job alone, to decide if you want to continue to run along side someone who is headed in the right direction in life OR go your own way and find other people who want better for themselves.
I can tell you one thing for sure, The people who want more for themselves who you have the honor to run along side in this life will encourage and HELP you to get the things YOU want in this life....the others will not. So its up to you.
Also understand that some people just have to make their own mistakes in order to learn what NOT to do. You and me and everyone else might be able to see that this girl is an evil snake but if a innocent girl comes along whos never dealt with this before, she isnt going to know WHAT to think or how to deal with it because shes never been faced with it before. That girl (or girls) have to decide for themselves weather they want to run with a crowd of people (or a person) who isnt a good person. This is called free will.
Now all you have to do is keep being you, be nice to your friends who are still hanging out with this girl, and eventually they'll see how things really are....but these people have to be able to do that for themselves. You cant make someone see things the way you do. Two people can look at the exact same thing and see it completely differently get me?
good luck, and this is a rough time but it will pass!
; )
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I need help why is a boy shy to be around with a girl (link)
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i agree, also get him to laugh, make jokes with you and find things that are funny. Try to keep things positive and if he DOES open up and start saying things about his feelings that sound deep and/or meaningful, dont judge, and just say things like "i can understand your point of view on that sure...."
his friends may still tease him and it may even effect him to the point where he may distance himself for a while because hes not sure what to do, but just know that you were a huge help to him and that guys never forget the first females that walk into their lives and help them thru awkward years.
i talked to everyone as a kid and helped alot of guy friends through this phase and i still know them now and even after years of no contact and then finding them again, they all admit that they liken me the most and that i always helped them without judging.
; )
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I've had my ears pierced since I was a baby but most recently (I'm 23) ,
I've wanted to started gaging.
I got tapers and did my research and now I'm at a 12G: but I'm having a couple concerns or rather I just wanted to ask some questions and get advice from experienced people .
That being said, please only answer this question if you are either a professional or someone with personal experience. Thank you!
I already have small ears and small ear lobes to begin with, but someone said it may be a good idea to take these out, let them close up, and get my ear pierced higher to avoid ripping. I only want to go up to a 2G, but honestly, I'm wondering what the best thing to do is. (link)
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I used to sell tapers plus online (still do sometimes) and have stretched ears. I just chose to take them out because i had a kid and he pulled on them lol.
If your lobes are too small yes, the bottom (thinnest) part of your ear lobe could rip if you go too big. No matter your lobe size actually, you HAVE to once in a while take them out, let the skin breathe, and even sleep over night once in a while without them in so that circulation in that area can keep your lobe together and intact.
then you can put them back in, in the morning and wear them for a few days before you have to do it again. Sorry but the smaller your ear lobes are and the further you try to stretch this comes with the territory.
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I have been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend, who I love, for five years. He's honest, hard working, loyal. He has all the characteristics that any woman would hope for in a man. We have a really healthy relationship, we hardly fight and are good about communicating with each other. But there's this guy... We met through mutual friends a couple years ago when I was with my boyfriend already.Time went on and with no effort at all we became really good friends. We are so connected in a way that I have never been connected to somebody before. And it is known between me and this person that we have feelings for each other. I have tried for years to shake these feelings for him because I feel guilty about thinking about somebody else when I'm with my boyfriend. So, the problem is that I don't want to break up with my boyfriend, I love him and I love spending time with him but I'm falling for this other person and I can't keep going on in this relationship while I'm having thoughts about somebody else. It's not fair to my boyfriend, myself or the other person. So do I continue to try and suppress my feelings for this person who I see on a weekly basis? Or do I break it off with my current boyfriend? (link)
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You didnt mention how old you are here or if you could see yourself with your boyfriend forever, maybe getting married or having kids so this is difficult for me to answer because im lacking a few few key pieces of information.
If a friend asked me this i would say back..."WELL do you WANNA screw up a perfectly good thing you already have with a guy who sounds like he really cares for you?....what does the other guy have that your boyfriend doesnt? Is there anything that your boyfriend could do for you that hes not doing NOW that maybe if you just told him, he could fulfill?"
To me i think long term, so i think if theres some guy thats constantly on your mind and its not your husband, then ask yourself what is it about this guy that he does that your husband does not? ask yourself are you just bored but that things have settled down with you and your man?
People always want what they cant ness. have so the grass will look greener on the other side ya know....
But maybe if you water the grass on YOUR side you wont feel the need to look elsewhere.
just a thought.
good luck.
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im girl, 3rd year in high school and im shy...i have no close friend in my class... i finally feel i can have close friend in my class..im sitting with girl called Kaja...im sitting with her only because the classmate(girl) she was sitting last year, Dia went to study for 1 school year to Norway. they are really good friends. I really started to get comfortable with her, we laugh and etc. But I am worried that when Dia comes back Kaja will sit with her again :/..I finally figured out that i want to be friends with these two girls because i am really comfortable with..because its hard for me to get comfortable with someone bc im really shy. I am also snapchatting with Dia while she is in Norway.. Im want to text her on Facebook but i dont want her to think that im intruding between Kaja...but i really want to like friends with them....and also when im sitting with kaja at school i just want to take spontaneous selfie with her but i dont know ho she would react..and maybe post it on Facebook, or i would want to ask her if she would go to cinema, or just to hang out ...but im really scared and shy to ask her ...please help me :) (link)
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Yeah i see no reason why you this girl that SO FAR has seemed to really warm up to you would go and start saying no to stuff all the sudden!
Also, if you know that this girl is good friends with another girl, you should try to start talking about her before she even comes back so that when she DOES come back, they'll want to include you into the friendship circle!
You cant really do anything wrong if your "just trying to be nice" ; )
Add them BOTH on facebook if you want! if your a friend of a friend then there should be nothing wrong with that.
The best way to start a good friendship is to get people to laugh and joke with you on things! thats pretty simple, then play off it and keep the jokes going. Do it with everyone and soon youll discover you have yourself LOTS of friends.
(I was popular in high school ok, not to brag here) but that was my secret to making LOTS of friends. even with popular people! whenever you get a chance to catch them alone, ask if you can borrow a pen or something, then keep it and return it to them a day or two later while their infront of all their friends! act like you have a casual friendship with them when you do it, and smile and say hi at everyone around them, then say see ya later! and leave.
When it got to the point where i knew almost everyone in my high school and a few close friends would ask me "why" i was talking to this person or that person (because they didnt like them for some reason) i would just say, well i know alot of people and that doesnt mean their ALL my friends! and laugh it off. Whatever personal problem one of your friends has with someone else that you happen to talk to sometimes is between them and that person and has nothing to do with you and you should say that.
; )
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So I live in a duplex, it's a house with two stories. I live in the basement apartment with my roommate, and two other girls live in the apartment above us. Me and my roommate both want cats extremely bad. I volunteer at the humane society, and there is a cat there I've been wanting for a long time. In the lease we both agreed to no pets on the premises. The girls in the apartment above us signed the same lease, and over winter break they had a dog in their apartment for about a month and they never got caught. I talked to my landlord about it and also offered to pay a deposit, but she said no and that past tenants used to be able to have pets but they ruined the apartment. I don’t know whether or not to just sneak the cat into the apartment. The landlord lives about an hour or two away from us, and her and her husband never come to the house unless I ask them to come fix something. If they need to come to the apartment they have to let us know a couple days in advance so in that time I could move the cat somewhere else for that day and then bring her back. I’m almost 100% sure that they would never find out, but if they do catch us we would get evicted and have to pay $500 for the “damages,” even though I offered to pay that as a deposit and she said no. Is it worth it to just sneak the cat in? (link)
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I DO agree with Dragonfly on this one in certain ways because think about this. Often times when you have an animal (like a cat or dog) they have a "natural scent" that they let off ok. Think about when you walk into the home of someone who owns cats or dogs....and HOW the house smells, and HOW theres fur all over everything because lets face it (animals can shed ALOT) so even if you WERE to find someone to care for the animal while your landlords come over to fix something in the house, remember THEY WERNT BORN YESTERDAY. A good landlord can walk into a house and just SMELL animal. Its not that hard to do. They'll then start to look around a should they see ANY hints of an animal having been there IE A kitty bowl you forgot to hide or tossed in the sink thinking they wouldnt notice, a litter box, toys you bought the cat, FUR all over the carpet, blankets, and clothing.....i mean its more difficult to "hide" the remnants of an animal you have living there with you then you think.
Landlords have many many tenants over the years ok, and they know what to look for even if youve done your best to clean. They can smell urine, poop, fur smell, and get pretty familiar with "scents" and are pretty much "on the alert" when they walk into a unit they own. Ive lived in nothing but rented homes my entire life and had open relationships with all our family and then eventually when i moved out on my own landlord relationships. Alot of them actually have a sort of mental check list they go down when they entire the unit for anything.
My last landlord who was also our on sight manager was VERY friendly with us and when i asked him about pets he told me pretty much everything above that ive mentioned here and that there IS a very small catch to the lease (idk if yours is included you might want to look over it again) but he told me that technically small animals, like little birds or fish or lizards (anything that LIVES inside its enclosure) does not count as a pet and is considered "decorative" and THOSE dont need approval. But like i said we had a standard no pet lease so idk if this applies to yours but if you have to have some kind of a pet because it makes you feel better then something small that lives in its enclosure would probably be a better idea.
Also just so you know Alot of landlords like cats or dogs the LEAST because their urine and poop can be the most damaging to a unit. Should the cat piss somewhere or "spray" it can sometimes take as much as actually stripping that wall or floor down with chemicals and then re-doing it.
If you have anymore questions or need to talk, feel free to pm me, my former landlord and i are still in touch and hes a really cool guy and if i ask him something involving rental agreements he will gladly help out where he can.
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I want to move but my husband doesn't. We've been living with my grandmother for over 2 years now. Shes elderly and needs some care. We have two children, age 11 and 18 months old. My oldest son has his own room but the baby doesn't. My grandmother has another piece of land connected to hers and told us we could have it. I want to buy a mobile home and put on it and my husband doesn't. He says hes worried about paying the bills but I think we can afford it. I really need to get out of this room we live in and have my own place, not just for me but for my kids and our dog. (Basically we're all forced to live in a very small room) I feel like every time I try to bring it up he just cuts me off and we start arguing. He has a job and a decent credit score. I don't. I'm a stay at home mom with very little income on my own. I can not get anything without his signature. We would still be close enough to my grandma that I could check in on her and another plus we wouldn't be paying rent! If we move somewhere away from here, which is most likely the ONLY way he will agree to move, then we will be paying out even more a month in rent. The place Im interested in purchasing the mobile home gave me an estimate of $150 a month. We cant find rent that cheap. I don't know how to convince him to move or if I should just give up. I need someone to give me advice. Thanks
I also want to add: We are 30 years old, been together for 10 years, and Ive been looking into a mobile home for over a year. Other places have asked those questions. I also have a monthly income MYSELF, excluding my husband of $300. Its not a lot, but its enough to help pay our bills. (link)
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I am completely with adviceman on this one. I think you should also try to get him to sit down with you and tell you what is coming in right now and the WHOLE cost of the monthly bills and sit there and write it all down WITH him while hes sitting there infront of you.
This will show him that your willing to do what it takes to make SURE that if there is a chance of making this realistically work that your willing to put in the leg work and figure out HOW (in his mind at least) its not doable.
Get him to tell you so that you can work out the finances right there and there first, THEN tell him that youve been making some calls and based on what HE told you money wise that it could or could not be doable.
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What is the meaning of love you loads , want to know the whole meaning in a perfect description (link)
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Well defining love as we know is kind of hard to describe but ill give it a stab and then we'll come back to your question.
TO ME and my hubby (and most of the people i know) its a companionship, its someone who even if you get in a dumb /petty/ or even semi-major fight, giving each other some space and some silence to think about weather YOU or THEY are in the wrong and then being able to come back and not only admit it when the opportunity comes up but being able to say your sorry, that you were wrong and then talking about what it was in what they said that upset you specifically, and asking them for understanding that what they said came off wrong. Then being able to move on peacefully from there, and not needlessly bringing it up again unless its absolutely called for.
Its feeling like you can tell them things you wouldnt tell anyone else.
Feeling like you got someone who could be "the one" or the best pick of the litter.
Knowing that you could probably trust them with your life if you were in a situation where you could not make the best choices yourself and that they would know what you would want or would know what was best for you.
Its also about speaking the same "love language" this means that they know things you like and when the chance presents itself and if they can they will grab that chance to make you happy.
example: you live together and you take care of all the chores while he works. All you ask him to do is take the garbage out for you whenever it gets full.
Now to some this shows that he is paying attention, and cares, and does the ONE THING you ask him to do without fighting you on it because hes aware you that you do everything else. Thats a sign to some people that their partner loves them and is being attentive.
OTHER people need to hear constantly that they are loved but dont care about house keeping, and just want to be constantly romanced and nothing else matters.
If two people speak the same love language then on a basic level, things should fine. If they are NOT, then one or both partners will not be happy. see?
so theres different ideas about what love means. Lvoe comes in many forms and colors. ; )
usually "love you loads" is someone saying "i love you ALOT".
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So i broke up with my boyfriend because we're both 14 and he was kinda sex crazy, we never had sex but he talked about it a lot. He told me he would never force me into anything and he never did but there came a time where we fought a lot and i felt pressured into that kind of stuff. So i broke up with him and it felt good to do but he stills texts me apologizing and it's been about a month. All his friends tell me he's always sad and he tells me that he wants me now and he's changed and the truth is i kind of miss him and i think maybe it could work but then again he hurt me. so idk what to do?? (link)
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Well this is all a learning experience for you, your both young and still learning how to date. Your learning what you want and dont want in a partner but right now alot of high school relationships dont last long and thats ok.
If you really miss him and he misses you then i dont see a reason why you cant talk to him, tell him that he really hurt you, and if he wants the chance to prove himself then let him try. Make sure to set boundaries, be clear, and let him know that you will brake up as soon as those are crossed and there WONT be a second chance the next time.
Thats what i would do if we really both cared for each other and hes still hitting me up.
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Hello. I am a female in high school (16)
There is a guy named Maxx that has been a good friend of mine for 2 years to this day, and I've caught major feels for him! And Friday I found out he likes me back too... my best friend Jamie says on Monday I should ask him out or go out with him, and he is the nicest guy ever he is so sweet and funny.. I know he would never hurt me. We started out friends! I would LOVE to date him and knowing that he likes me back (link)
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ok well the only thing you can do here really is if you feel your a good judge of people and you feel that youll "see the red flags" if things start to go down hill, then date him! just dont tell your mom.
See him only at school or when you can spend the night at friends houses and convince your friends that he should come over and hang out with you all.
Have him meet you at the mall, and just tell your mom your gonna go with friends. idk this doesnt seem that hard to do. lol.
Im sure that in time she will realize that your getting older and she needs to loosen up a little and that you even HAVE guy FRIENDS, but that doesnt mean your dating them.
Tell her that you only hang with guys when you have other female friends there with you, like in groups. (even if thats not always true) see?
i normally do not advise deceiving parents but you are old enough and if you know you can control yourself, that hes a nice guy, and that he wont try to force you to do anything you dont want to do ANDDDD you think you could survive a break up then i dont see why your mom wont let you other then her maybe having a fear of you getting hurt by a guy which i get.
saying you cant date until college is completely ridiculous and unrealistic I THINK, but thats just me.
maybe you could slowly have small chats with her off and on about how your "old enough" for certain things now" and not specifically SAY dating, and leave her to pick up the hints.
Let me add to this post that im not trying to encourage lying to your mom, what im doing is im assuming that you dont have that much of an open dialog with her beings as shes as strict as you say. I actually have had friends who were not allowed to date while they were living under their parents roof PERIOD, and BOTH ended up with three different bad guys, three kids each, and are now single because they were never allowed to LEARN what to look for on their own when it came to men, because their mothers never had that conversation or series of conversations with them. It just was NOT happening period. I was (maybe mistakenly) assuming this was how it is in your home.
I agree with the other posters that you should OBVIOUSLY try to have conversations with your mother about dating (i just hope that she doesnt shoot you down WAY before you even get the chance to actually try it) Cause thats what happen to both my friends because ones mom was religious as hell, and the other was just strict as hell and wanted everything to go the way SHe wanted and didnt care about he daughters.
Both of these friends ended up being put on lock down if their mother even THOUGHT for a MOMENT that they might be seeing a boy, and thats the angle i was coming from. But yes i fully think that you should try to earn her trust about this.
I think that in hanging out with guys, that for NOW it could just be in a group setting (like at the mall) like i mentioned before. You dont nes. need to lie. its just some of the small fibbing i did when i was your age but i STILL always had a girlfriend with me and we didnt go to anyones house where there was no one home.
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I'm a 12 year old. My mom is super strict on how I dress and she wants me to be all feminine (I'm a girl). When honestly I want to cut my hair in an emo boy fashion dye it black and wear eyeliner and black lipstick and band t shirts with skinny jeans and converse. But she wouldn't let me do that...I'm trying to convince her to let me die my hair black. I've just finished my first period, I can make my own decisions. I want to shop at hot topic but she says forever 21 although now we're having a blizzard (I live in New York) so that's out of the question. I want to cut my hair short to make it easier to manage I'm sick of it being long...how do I convince her? (link)
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well heres the thing ok. to HER your still very young. your not even in your teens yet, so yes for now from the sounds of it, she thinks she needs to do all the major decision making for you so idk if theres much you can do there.
what you CAN do, is start to slowly show more and more interest into the things you WANT to be into so that the changes for HER are gradual and not so sudden.
If you just asked your mom for ALL the things to just mentioned on HERE and you did it ALL at once, of course shes going to say no.
You have to SLOWLY start wearing darker clothes, with the clothes she buys you. Try to understand that you need to be patient with HER too. Shes got a child thats growing up, getting her period for the first time and this all might just feel like its happening way too fast. Now your over here asking her to change your whole style over night practically.
You may find that she can still loosen up a little if you slow down a bit and maybe when you have her take you shopping, you can still stop into the stores and LOOK at the places she likes, then tell her theres nothing in there you want and then take her over to the stores you want to go to and have her buy you something that subtle, not band t shirts, or anything like that yet. Just start with maybe a belt, or some small accessories....see where im going with this??
then when she thinks she can trust you more to be able to choose your own clothing without her there, you can go with some money without her and buy your own stuff. You can still look "dark and emo" if you pick out the right items even from places like papaya or those other stores that arent hot topic.....
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i´m a girl, 3rd year in high school, I really like him but the problem is that he is not nice to me..I mean when i say something he always have something to say to me and he laughs at me, but when some other girl is saying something he is quiet..or we have som really fat girl and he doesnt make any comments in front of her, he laughs behind her back with boys, but when im around he doesnt have problem telling it to my face, something about my weight (im not really that fat), it hurts me because i really like him, last year he was sending me cute snaps of him and his dog and now doesnt send me any snaps :/ i dont know what happened...once i told my twin brother (we go to same class) that he is always sending me pics of his dog.but i didnt mean it as a complain..and my brother told him about it (they are best friends) ans i hate him for it...i dont know why my classmate started to behave different to me..even my friends noticed he´s been acting different to me than last year... and i cant tell him ot text him anything..because like i said he and my brother are best friends...and they say everythig to each other...i just wish my classmate wouldnt be mean to me but my brother says he doesbt think it seriously..what should i do ?? i do really like my classmate.
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well why dont you laugh and have a sense of humor back??
Maybe your brother went behind your back and told him to stop sending you things?? they ARE after all good friends right?? so thats totally possible. And maybe he DOES like you back but sinse he was told NOT to because "thats my sister and thats gross" or something, he doesnt know how to act around you.
Why dont you send HIM stuff?? nothing raunchy, just act like your responding to the things he used to send YOU? like instead this time you send HIM and pic of you and a CAT? lol. that could make him laugh if he used to send YOU pics of him and his dog right? turn it into a game! so he'll talk to you again.
im betting someone told him not to try to get at you because this makes no sense and because him and your bro are friends he wants to honor the friendship.....other then that idk.
you could try things to get him to talk to you again like watch him and then during the day sometime FIND a way to get him alone and then ask him if you can borrow a pen or a pencil?? then keep it for a day or two and then walk up to him when hes with all his friends, act like you guys are totally buddy buddy, and give him the pen back while hes there with them all and see how he acts!
This will tell you if hes not talking to you anymore because of his friends or because of you. guys act different when females approach them with their friends around. If hes nice to you and your nice to him and you smile and say something like "hey thanks for the other day, i forgot to give this back to you" and just look at his reaction and the faces of all his friends sitting there, just THAT will tel you alot.
Males are very simple creatures, they dont over analyze things like we do. They also arent usually trained very deeply on handling feelings even though they should be.
just try it. ; )
good luck.
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21/f
I was on the phone with my boyfriend last night. I was at my best friend's birthday party before he called. My best friend is gay and my boyfriend knows that. He said how being gay is sick and how those people should be killed. Needless to say I was shocked. I tried reasoning with him but to no avail. He even got mad and wanted to skip meeting me for about a week. I called him out on that and he said he will meet me after all. I just won't ever feel comfortable around him again. I love him very much,but him saying such things about my best friend is disgusting. He would hurt a gay person for no reason. What if he kills me too? I am,quite honestly,terrified. Do you think this is a red flag? Should I run from him while I still can? (link)
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absolutely you should dump him. Tell him WHY and that you will NOT EVER tolerate ANYONE saying such things about gay people. You are not that way and you certainly dont want a partner who is that way either.
Its OK for him to not feel COMFORTABLE with it, its TOTALLY another to gripe, and say disgusting things like that. Get rid of him ASAP.
I hear that you love him alot but if hes this way with this kinda thing then what ELSE is he capable of in the future, say if you were to have kids with him and one of THEM turned out to be gay?? that child would face a life time of being shamed by their own father. Thats awful and if you can prevent bringing a child into a world like that then you should.
you can do it. good luck ; )
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Do guys ever go after the girls even though they know that they have a boyfriend? And flirts brazenly. Oh, we're mates by the way, and known each other for few years.
Thanks
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Yes....yes they do. lol.
usually out of disrespect for the girls boyfriend, and because they also want to see if they can get you to cheat on your man with them.
Dont tolerate it, and ask them nicely to stop or else.
good luck ; )
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I need some gay friends will anyone be my gay friend? (link)
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Not sure why your using the word "need" but ok, go to some gay bars with friends and start talking to people....be friendly, let them know right off the top that your just looking for friends, compliment them and once you get to talking then BOOM! new gay friends. got it?? lol
good luck
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I would like to share a hurtful story of mine to you all, and anyone who takes the time to read this will be greatly appreciated. I started dating this guy, I'm 22 and hes 29. We were good friends before we started dating, but ever since he met me hes tried to get me to be with him and I always used to mess around and was never really interested. To keep it short, we got together and I fell incredibly in-love with him. He is a judge and I am still a student in college. His job means everything to him and its his number 1 priority. That, I can understand, but let me further explain our situation. He has a perfect life, hes gotten everything hes ever wanted since the day he was born. I on the other hand have a very difficult life. Family problems, financial issues. We come from 2 completely different worlds and I always knew this but I figured it was worth a shot. What I didnt really like about him was the fact that he lacked a lot of depth and characteristic traits that I looked for in a person- He was a bit robotic and he lived his life by the book of whats right and whats wrong. I am a very charismatic person, very friendly and I have a lot of personality traits that I am constantly complimented for and he was heads over heels for me because he felt that hes never met a girl like me in his life. (Which is not a lie because where i live, girls here are pretty empty minded and only care about superficial things like money, cars, and practically anything they can get their hands on when it comes to guys) so he used to feel like I was a real person and that I was one of a kind because I looked a lot further than that. (Ps, I dont like in America so social standards are considered extremely important here where I am ) Anyway. My father is a supporter of a specific group (ONLY) a supporter and usually posts his opinions on Facebook and likes to share his thoughts on his profile) However, my ex, assuming he is a judge, is against everything my father is for. We were talking once and supposedly he came across my fathers profile and asked me about the things he posted and I told him that he wasn't LEGIT from the group but that he supports them and that this is his opinion and he cant change that. He told me that he doesn't want to change it, but that it is harmful for his job assuming that he is a judge and that if ever got involved with someone who has a family member of this certain group, he would get fire and he broke up with me through a text message telling me this. That he doesnt want a relationship and that he doesnt want to deal with anything ( he practically ran away ) and made me feel like complete shit about myself even though he has no idea what hes talking about. I know my father and what he does on the daily so I know that it is nothing more than just an opinion and I still believe he has every right to believe what he wants. After he broke up with me, he contacted me 2 days later asking to meet up. So i gave him a chance and went to see him. We talked things out, I told him how hurt I was that he didnt even bother talking to me about this in person and how he had to reach out to me VIA text and how thats not the way to go. Assuming he is almost 30 and I just turned 22, He would be a little more mature than me. But i guess not. He apologized and told me he wouldnt do it again and that hes incredibly sorry and that he loves me. I told him he had nothing to worry about and that when I got back from the states (because I was traveling a few days after) that i would talk to my dad to stop posting these stuff because I know what his intentions are and I know that if i told him not to post them because i have someone in my life that is against , would for me in a heartbeat. Anyways, we were okay after that and fixed things and then When i came home, i called him and he didnt answer- sends me another text message saying that hes sorry but he feels like we should take a pause in our relationship because he doesnt want one right now and feels uncomfortable. I called him crying and told him that we were just together and talked everything out and we were fine. He told me hes sorry and just kept saying Im just not comfortable, please understand. So i was like "If you want to take a pause, then take it for good, its over" and shut the phone. This was 2 days before I left the country. No "I hope you get there safely" or anything. We didnt speak for a week but he was constantly liking my posts and pictures on instagram. He contacted me a week after that trying to see how I was doing and what i was doing on vacation and I would response to every text message because I loved him so much. I started letting him in slowly. He would text me everyday and try to make the effort and I felt like he wanted to fix things, and so, being stupid and inlove, i eventually gave in. We talked about things and he told me he was sorry and that hes an idiot-- and that He was just afraid it would harm his job. I told him that I already told him he had nothing to worry about and that he made a big deal out of things and that EVEN if he wants to leave me, that is not the way-- to just blow me off and act like I never meant anything to him. We said we would talk about things when I got back and we were set on being together again. He asked me to get a few things for him while I was over there and I did. I got him everything he wanted. When i got back from vacation he was always blowing up my phone, asking to see me, and so I went to see him. So i went to surprise him and told his friends that I was coming and it was actually a nice day, he was shocked and we hugged and hung out a lot. There was still chemistry but we couldnt talk about anything because all his friends were there. And I had told him that we needed to talk things out before anything because I dont feel like i can trust him and that he really hurt me so it wasnt going to be that easy for him to get in my life again. I always reminded him of this when I was on vacation so he doesnt think that just because were talking it means were on good terms. So the second and (last ) time I went to see him we started talking about everything. I told him more about my life and how he had to accept me for who i was. I told him that I never had perfect things like him and that I actually struggled in my life and that it wasnt my fault. I told him that Ive learned alot through the years and that Im happy that I faced a few problems because it makes me who I am. I really wanted to open my heart up to him since he was the person that I was going to be engaged and married to. And he kept telling me that I needed to trust him and be honest (although there really isnt anything so terrible about my life at all) its just that Im a very private person so i dont like to talk about even the slightest thing. He told me he doesnt mind anything else but the only thing he was worried about was my dad situation. I told him that even if my dad turned out to be something he didnt accept- that there would be a way to deal with the situation and not run away from it. Seeing how my dad is a very kind and nice man and would do anything to see me happy. He agreed and told me I was right about everything and how wrong and ridiculous he was and how much he loves me. I told him that I still feel worried and that I cant trust him anymore because I feel like he will always leave me if we face any issues at all and he kept convincing me that he never would and that it was just a mistake and he wont do it again. And i remember he put his arm around me and went "Your scared youll wake up to another text message, right" and i was like yeah, I hate that. Like if your going to break up with me atleast call me or ask to see me. He was like I promise it wont happen again and you can trust me. We were in the car that day when he was taking me home and we started cuddling and kissing on the cheek. I didnt wanna kiss his lips because I still felt like i didnt trust him enough. (Hes never been a pervert, and Ive met a lot of guys so I know what kind of person he is ) he was like I havent seen you in a month, I miss you and i miss your kisses and I refused because I felt like it was too early to give him my all. It felt as if it was enough that I was already so close to him but I couldnt help it. But i didnt wanna push it. I felt like it was a bad idea. He took me home that day and it was lovely. He kept telling me to text him in the morning because he missed my morning texts, started calling me baby again and it was as if nothing changed and I thought to myself. Wow, this man finally wants to prove his love to me. The next day everything was okay and we were fine, I called him to say goodnight because I had work in the morning and he was like Goodnight and we were sweet and fine. Then I wake up randomly at 4 in the morning, there was something in my heart that told me to look at my phone. And when I did what do i see? Another text message saying "I really dont want to bother you again, but i really dont want to be in a relationship right now, Im sorry but I dont want to be in any kind of relationship at this time, please lets stay friends and dont block me out of your life. " I wrote him a paragraph saying that i expected him to do this again-- and that I realized that he wasnt the person for me anyways and that I was eventually going to tell him that sooner or later, and that I dont want to be his friend but for him to have a good life and take care of himself, goodbye" He saw the text and never replied. Its been 3 days and Im not waiting for him to talk to me either. I am in horrendous pain. I literally am suffering so much and it pains me to even write about this. I feel insulted, rejected, back stabbed and most of all pathetic because I gave him another chance. I have no intentions of letting him back into my life and that is why I blocked him off of social media. I cant believe that someone could sit down with you and convince you that they would never do all the things that hurt you again-- and do it 2 days after. It drives me insane that there are people in this world that dont have the heart. I was so good to this man and I never upset him, never made him feel bad, never hurt him and this is how I got treated at the end. He did break my heart but more than that he broke my ego and it is so hard to let go of him because I am so attached but I know that Ill never trust him again. I know that at this point, i shouldn't even care about whether or not he will ever talk to me again, but seeing how it is still fresh, that question is constantly going through my mind. Wondering if hell ever contact me again or care. We were in each others lives for a long time. A year in total and I truly gave him my all. I feel that he might contact me again because He did the same thing twice and managed to come around again. So i feel like this is a circle and that you can tell a lot about what a person will do next based on their past actions. ALL my friends keep telling me that he will come back and talk to me but that I should never take him back and I KNOW i never will. But i feel like if i was the one to reject him and make him feel like he lost something, this would be a little easier on me. My self esteem is 0 and I feel like complete shit about myself. And im not looking for any kind of answer, Im just looking for some advice on what you all think will happen or how you view this and what your thoughts are. Anything is appreciated and sorry is this is long. Thank you. (link)
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Well first off let me say that im very sorry for your situation and that no one should have to go through that.
Let me give you some advice that i hope will stick with you as you get older and helps you to view the people and people around you in a different and better way. You need to learn to detach from certain situations that (at the end of the day) arent your problem.
But anyway, here it is....we are ALL traveling on our own paths in life, and sometimes youll cross paths with someone GOOD and sometimes it'll be someone BAD, and theres going to be people who come and go from your life and some will stay longer then others. Your (now ex) sounds like he doesnt know what he wants in life and is moving at a different pace and direction in life then you and thats OK, but if he really wanted to he could change for someone if he wanted to be them badly enough, and apparently he doesnt have the motivation to be able to change and adapt right now. We ALL move at our own pace, and some move faster then others. Here you are looking towards the future, (because thats your pace) and here HE is not even able to look beyond a day or two) because thats HIS pace. see?
The point is, to find people who move, at the SAME pace as you so that your always on the same path, running along side each other towards a better life and wanting more for yourself. Not someone whos casually walking behind you progress wise, because well....they just dont wanna try that hard or arent ready to move that fast.
In this aspect of life, theres nothing you can do for someone like that ok. HE has to realize what hes doing wrong and it may be a very long time before he does or is willing to admit it, SAY hes going to change and then put those words or thoughts into action. You can try to talk things out with him as much as you want (like you mentioned you did) but really after the moment has passed, theres only a few things that are going to stick with him later.
We are ALL a constant work in progress, you HAVE to continue to live your life, work on yourself, be with your best friends, and look toward the future. HE will come to realize what he has done in his own time, and its not your job to teach him those things, if he has half a brain in his head then he will figure it out on his own when he never finds a girl as good as you again. He may even find another girlfriend in the future but she WONT be YOU and it wont be the same kind of love because love is different from person to person, its never the exact same depth or deepness. So dont ever think that your replaceable because your ex HAPPEN to find someone new...(even if they DO happen to be good looking) cause looks are only skin deep.
I can understand you feeling like its a loss to you, but hes also losing something too by continuing to sabotage things with you.
My theory in life is that you can either stand still while the world continues to turn around you and the clock continues to tick by and moment by moment slowly losing your time here on earth, or you can push on, adapt, change, grow with the others who arent standing still, and have a good life.
Your ex is at a point where even though he has a great job, he is standing still relationship wise....and hes losing precious time on earth to find that someone special.
Your still young too so dont think for a moment that you cant or wont ever find someone else because thats complete B.S, my grampa is in his 80's and still has girlfriends ok. lol. Its NEVER ever, too late to at the very least just have a companion because all you really want at the end of the day is someone that makes you laugh. ; )
youll live sweeite. good luck.
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so i have sensory processing disorder (age 15, trans male) and my relationship with my mother is HORRIBLE. for the sake of the length of this question i won't go into detail, but basically it kills me to be around her or in the same building as her at all. when i was younger (like, up until maybe 10 at the very oldest) i used to love hugging her and all that, but now it makes me want to (and sometimes really do) literally scream and can even cause a sensory meltdown if/when she tries to force me to hug her. (i'm getting immensely uncomfortable just thinking about it) but the thing she always brings up is that i hug my friends with no problem, and it's true. i love to hug my friends and be physically affectionate with them, most of the time (sometime i do have a bad day and don't allow anybody to touch me) but i can't stand the thought of my mom laying a hand on my shoulder even. i'm not really sure what my specific question is, just....why? does anybody have anything to say about this, at all? i don't know this is something that's been this way for maybe 4 years and lately it's just been bothering me a lot, not that i dont want to hug my mom but just....i don't know. i also have adhd if that helps/affects any answers
thank you to anybody who says anything! i appreciate your time and help. (link)
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I dont know a WHOLE lot about being transgender but i DO have a friend who has a son that has sensory processing disorder and adhd as well.
Her son has been though alot as well with his mother and she still tries to love him through it, but realizes that he just needs his alone time sometimes.
Have you ever been to the therapy they offer for this? or done the treatment? My friends son had been doing a number of things to act out because of how deeply he was affected by it and the things he'd had been through over the years. (hes now 12) her life is stable, and shes trying to make the best of things by giving him and her two other kids the most stable life she can.
She takes him to his therapy once a week, and she was told to give him a form of treatment here she takes a soft brush and brushes his bare arms and legs for a few minutes each day, then slowly increases the time she does it until he is totally ok with it. its really helped, idk if you know about that at all but its something to consider.
He also used to spit all over the place all the time because he claimed that he didnt like the feeling of his spit going down his throat, so she had to give him a cup all the time or a rag to spit into.
Since she broke up with the abusive father of her two youngest kids, he has almost completely stopped spitting and his sensory issues are slowly getting better.
Do you have issues with certain fabrics too? or how tight clothes are on your body??
Ive become quite familiar through the years with her sons disorder but i know its effects all people slightly differently. Maybe you can ask your mom to get you into therapy and then tell them about you and your moms issues and they will try to tackle that too because sometimes this condition can be really effected by close relationships like this.
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Hello, I'm a fifteen year old girl who lives with my father. My brothers live with my mother and the one in question is not the brightest bulb on the tree.
He abandoned my dad 8 months ago because his slutty girlfriend didn't like his rules and ever since then, he's become cruel. He never parts with his girlfriend and is willing to put his life and relationships at stake for the sake of his girlfriend.
My dad's girlfriend has a theory about her(she's a nurse); she thinks that my brother's girlfriend may be pregnant.
I am starting to agree with this, both of them are eating like pigs and getting fatter by the month, she walks so weird, has a pear shaped body, and is an emotional wreck.
My brother and his girlfriend are almost 18, but still too young to consider a child. I don't know what to do. I don't like children, but I can't let something so fragile and influential go in him and that...thing's care.
I need real, adult advice, anything helps. (link)
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ok....first im gonna give you some insight on other peoples lives here.
You are young but feel the sooner you know all this the better and it will help you as you go through life if you keep this info in mind.
I too have a brother (older) who has chosen his fat disgusting girlfriend over his family responsibilities and shes not pregnant.....shes just manipulative as hell, and she does something for him (and we may never know WHAT exactly) that keeps him tied to her. we THINK its because he mentioned in passing before that he "didnt wanna be alone" and he meant "in life" like NOT having someone. He thinks that he'll never find someone else and that its too late to start over with someone new and that could NEVER ever, be further from the truth.
I have an 80 something year old grampa, and he STILL has girlfriends ok....AND their just as old as him (or maybe just slightly younger) but not that much. Whatever your age its ALWAYS ok to have at the very least just a companion.
anyway, back to your brother. I understand not liking the way his life is going, i understand wanting to save him, or find SOME kind of way to get him back on track so to speak.
The truth is (and heres the clincher so pay close attention) We are ALL on our own life paths, your on yours, leading your own life, your dad and everyone around you are all making choices on a daily basis that defines and results in the choices they each make for themselves.
Sometimes your going to cross paths with good people and some with bad. The good people will stay for longer, the bad (hopefully will not) but its up to everyone weather they want their path run along side someone who is toxic, unhealthy mentally, or manipulative like she is.
The thing is, people who CHOOSE to stick along side people who are like that are basically "standing still" in life for someone else. Everyone moves at the pace they are READY to move at, and forcing them the try to move at the pace YOU move at is only going to cause friction and them lashing back at you in a negative way. You can air your concerns with that person, tell them youve noticed some changes in them that worry you and the family, and TRY to get them to talk to you but if they arent ready then theres nothing you can do. He has to make the choice to move on when HES ready.
heres my personal theory ok: if you want to stand still in life and never improve, better yourself as a person, or grow and adapt, then thats ok. But also be aware that the clock is ticking and the world is going to continue to spin and grow and change all around you WHILE your standing still...get me?? so you can either worry about yourself and all the things you have to deal with in life already and make health choices for YOU, or you can stand still for someone else, and never move forward because your waiting for your partner because they arent capable or dont want to move WITH YOU or you can move on and find a partner who wants to move with you, grow with you, and change together.
Until your brother decides to do that then for right now he is standing still, hes idle, and hes meerly just keeping himself busy and focusing on her instead of himself. I know that It seems unfair and it is. Its unfair that he would put himself through that, and its unfair that she would have such a grip on him that shes basically just holding him back in life.
HE has to recognize that though and then decide to put his choices into action. This take a while to him to do and you cant wait around for that to happen, you have to all continue to live your lives....
I realize that you dont like children but really its not up to you, its his life and if hes going to make bad choices then thats on him, and at the end of the day, you get to go home and you dont have to deal with all that, he does. If things are dysfunctional, they will eventually break up.
good luck sweetie ; )
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