There are many types of love, and many other cultures and languages have numerous words to describe each of these. The English language is serious lacking! You can love someone platonically, that is non-romantically or non-sexually. You can love without necessarily liking someone completely. You can love, but not be "in love" with someone after the passion has faded in a romantic shallow love affair. Love is an enduring ideal of unselfish giving and a desire to want positive things for another being. Giving and receiving love feels differently and unless a relationship consists of a consistent amount of both from each person, the life of such a relationship is frail. Feelings come and go and are subject to our moods and circumstances. Sometimes the end of one kind of feeling gives way to no feeling or a deeper one. You may have decided you no longer benefit from being with someone, and have lost interest. That was only romantic love, which is good for the beginning, but not much else.

I am glad to hear that you admit to this as being obsessed. Love and obsession are very different, almost opposites. Love is about giving and feeling good about giving even if you never get back, it is unselfish. Obsession comes from fear of losing and fear of being incomplete without that something or someone you think you must have and own. It is completely irrational to think you can have so much control and power over his past, present or future. Somewhere deep down, you already know this. Living in a fantasy world can be comforting in the short-term, but devastating in the long-term. You already think you have nothing without him, and basically that will translate as neediness to this and every other person as a sign they should run for their lives before being latched onto and sucked dry. What do you have to offer to the world or to another person? If you want your time with him to be special, then you need to stop making it a test of your worth. He needs to see that you are a person who can stand on her own, and not a needy weak person who will try to control his life. Chances are that if you suddenly got to spend a year with this guy and were not separated by distance, the fantasy would end sooner, because you would be faced with the daily reality of him which can never live up to your fantasy. I know what it is to be on both sides of an obsession, and it is not a good or healthy thing for either person. You need to go back into your own reality and discover that you are worthwhile and loveable with or without any other person to validate you. This is difficult if you come from a family background of criticism or neglect, but all of us must learn to love ourselves no matter who did or did not love us first.

Tell him that you don't know why you chickened out, but that you really would like to go with him (if you do) if he is still wanting to take you. If you like him, then go and have fun. This is hard, but it will be more difficult if you don't at least talk to him.

There are psychological factors at work in any eating disorder. Anorexia is sometimes related with control issues and lack of self-esteem. The more you push, the more he may resist. Encourage him by telling him that you care. I don't know if there is anything else you can do, but there are many sites that can educate you both and offer suggestions. Here is an example of one. http://www.helpguide.org/mental/anorexia_signs_symptoms_causes_treatment.htm

Only a doctor will be able to give you an exam and treatment if necessary. If you notice anything abnormal besides the pain, it definately needs to be checked out. Doctors will be confidential, and you can even see one anonymously at a free clinic. If you are sexually active, then you can get free protection there, too. Don't ever let a potential health concern go due to embarrassment. Your body and health are very important. No one should be scratching you, so take measures to prevent that from happening again. Two weeks is a long time to suffer for "a guy" who obviously was not careful. You don't have to tell your parents about the specifics, but you need to tell them that you are having a pain and need to see a doctor. The doctor can then talk to you privately.

Love is not always fair and equal. Usually even in a very good and successfully long term love relationship, each partner will at times feel that they alone are giving and that the other person is taking. Love is not about getting, but giving. You really know you love someone when you give with no intent of getting back. Love is not selfish. There is usually one person in a relationship who is the more selfish or immature person. Sometimes both people are selfish, but one appears more selfish in one area and the other in a different area. Life and experience gives lovers many opportunities to grow in their love or to become concerned only for self. We cannot know another person's heart or actual perception, so we do our best and sometimes our worst.

Sometimes you have to be obvious, but don't stalk him! Smile at him and say hello, then walk the other way. Get his interest, but take it slow and don't give him the idea you are too available!

Retarded parents are the worst! They are so irrational! You can still have hope, however. It may not be the people you are going with, but the mood they are in when you ask them. Pay attention to their moods and anything else that might help you pick the right time to ask. Make sure you are keeping up your chores and homework, because if you give them a reason to think you are irresponsible around home, they will think you are irresponsible in general. Hope it helps!

Do NOT send him flowers. He already knows you like him and he is totally taking you for granted. Ignore him and if he is the kind of guy that needs a challenge, he may pursue you. Some guys are really threatened by assertive girls, and the guy usually once to at least THINK that he is in control. Give him space, but go to the party. If he is going to go out with this girl let him and you will be there having fun and mildly flirting with other guys. He will definately notice and miss your attention. Let him miss you for a while!

He liked you all summer, but now that there are a hundred other girls around, he does not want to be tied down to just you. Be friends, but give him space and don't count on him as a boyfriend right now. He is wanting to explore different people right now, and you should be, too. Maybe in the future you will hook up again, but not if you keep bugging him. If he acts like a jerk ignore him, you don't need that crap from anyone. You are too young to settle for just one guy! Don't waste another day pining over him, and get out there and enjoy getting to know some other guys!

Yes, but his friends are immature. He just is not able to stand up for himself yet, but he will be. Just ignore the act he puts on around his friends and try to get more alone time with him.

There is no chance of betraying your friend if you are honest with her that you really like him, too. Big deal, probably lots of girls do. Tell her that she can ask him out if she wants, but if they don't work out, that you will be going for it. By letting her have the first chance, she can't blame you unless she is irrational. There is no such thing as liking too many guys at your age...it is normal! Get to know and talk to all of them more, before deciding between them. Also, it is a myth that some guys are unreachable because they are too cool or popular. Be confident and treat yourself like you are the hottest chick there and worthy of any guy...don't be a brat, just love yourself and others will notice your self-esteem, which will only make you more desireable to be around. From day to day anyone could shift in popularity, and you will see it in the next year or two believe me, so don't write yourself off!

I don't know if you should call him right away. Other girls might be throwing themselves at him, and he may like a little mystery. I always believed that a guy that was interested enough would call me, and it definately worked to filter out the really interested from the really lame. I would exchange numbers with him, but not call him, unless he calls first. Just don't sit around waiting all day!

Contiue to let her be the one to make a fool of herself. If you think your friendship can handle it, tell her it makes her look easy and cheap. Don't try to compete with her, because she will always try to outdo you and sink even lower. Guys are only going to fall for her if they think she is as easy and cheap as she is displaying herself to be. You will stand out as the one worth more if you keep your dignity. The right guy will see that you are the one to pick, and anyone else dumb enough not to is not worth a second glance.

Good for you for standing up and thinking about yourself!!! Too many girls are just putting themselves out there to be used over and over, again and have very low self-esteem. You are worth having a boyfriend who is commited to you in a way you are comfortable with and shows respect. Why is the timeing wrong? What is it about the Fall that keeps him from being faithful? I would demand to know or forget him. He could definately be using you, so don't let him. You need real answers before you decide whether or not he is worth waiting for. If you stand up for yourself, he will either make it clear he was only using you, or he will step up to your standards. Sometimes if people are used to getting away with something, they think they can continue it forever. Set him straight.

It could be uncomfortable if whatever the two of you do, get back to your brother. Your boyfriend had better not even think of forcing you to do anything, whether or not you are shy, so you know. Take it slow and make sure that you are the one in control of the pace of things. Guys are most often the sexual aggresors and it is left up to the girls to speak up and tell them to stop, unfortunately. Even if you are enjoying it, take it slow, because guys can get carried away and you could become uncomfortable very fast. I would talk to him specifically and directly about what you want and do not want to try, that it is important that he not think once you get started it is a free for all, and that you will be the one to set the pace or no go. There is nothing wrong that you will do, and there are no formulas. The unknown is part of the excitement, and rushing things will only make it less enjoyable. Every part of the body can be enjoyed, not just the obvious sexual parts. So, arms, and the neck and back are all places you can explore together, without fear of getting into things too quickly. Sex is usually the LEAST enjoyable thing for the girl, at least until your twenties, so why even go there and put yourself at risk for pregancy and all the rampant sexually transmitted diseases? You can even enjoy orgasms being fully clothed. If you do start thinking about becoming more sexually active, talk about protectiong yourself with your parents if you can, a school counselor, your doctor (it is confidential always!) or a local clinic that is also confidential and will supply you with free condoms. I know this is a lot, but I want you to be prepared mentally and emotionally before you start becoming more physical.

Whether or not you like someone, you need to stand up for yourself. Sometimes the kindness thing works, but you should be cautious if it is just making him angrier. No one will respect you if you act like a doormat, so make sure the kindness has boundaries where it does not cross that line. Because I don't know what "very mean" translates to specifically, I can't comment more. Let me know how it goes!

Keep talking with him, but keep your options open. If he thinks you are just focused on him and too easy to get, he make take that for granted. Sometimes a guy needs to see that you can get other guys' attention, too! You don't need to play games beyond that, but having your options open will always be good. Don't worry about him getting "hurt," because if he goes for her, he will know the risks and decide if it is worth it. Think about your own feelings and consider how much you want to risk being vested in just this guy. Don't give up on him, but don't get freaked out when he is enjoying being flirted with. Any guy would dig that, because it is a ego thing, not an emotional connection.

I don't know what "picks on me" actually translates to in your mind, but it could be a way of showing interest...maybe a bit immature, but still effective. You need to do more then wait to be stared at. Strike up some real conversation with him and ask him questions to start getting to know what he is about. If you want it to go beyond the teasing and staring, you have to give him a sign that you are responding to his little hints.

You are right to be mad, because she asked you to not hang out with your close girl friend, but did not return the favor by staying away from the guy friend. I think the two of you need to decide that either both of you can hang out with whomever you wish or no one can. It has to be equal. There is either trust or there is not, and I so would not want to be tied down with someone I could not trust to be faithful.

"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. To say something you value deeply to another and to have him or her value it equally by listening to it carefully and apppreciatively is the most universal way of exchanging social interest or demonstrating affection." David Augsburger, CARING ENOUGH TO HEAR AND BE HEARD.


All sincere persons will be given thoughtful examination and reply. Please be specific about your situation as it applies to your question, the applicable information and facts necessary for me to properly assess your situation and give you the benefit of my knowledge and experience, which includes: experience/education with mentoring, relationship study, self help, spirituality, poetry, literature, philosophy, psychology, color theory, teaching, parenting, and debate that will be used to your advantage. I am concerned with offering an objective and realistic perspective more than ratings, because this will help YOU. Artificial sweetness is found in diet soda, not in my advice. If you feel that I did not understand your question or need more specifics to help, please let me know, but while all truth is subjective, questioners should be mature enough to hear answers not necessarily agreed with. If you are only looking for someone to tell you just what you want to hear, then you may not be ready for my advice. I believe in personal responsibility, self and other awareness and your power and ability to recreate and redirect your own life. All our misery and joy begins and ends within ourselves, but our willingness to be open can bring the positive or negative energy we seek. If you or someone you know is open to positive help, the resources and caring individuals needed are available now.

http://www.coolnurse.com/

http://www.4woman.gov/violence/

http://www.childhelpusa.org/about/programs-and-services/childhelp-national-child-abuse-hotline-1-800-4-a-child

drug/alcohol abuse help go here: http://www.4drugabuse.com/addiction-treatment.html

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/1800-273-TALK(8255)
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, our mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential. -----------------------------------

http://www.kidscrisis.com/

http://www.teenadviceonline.org/gethelp/numbers.html

You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day, free & confidential. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

For info. on birth control etc.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is the only hotline that children and parents can call with any problem at any time:
Open 24-hours a day, every day at 1-800-448-3000

Spanish-speaking counselors available; translation services for 100+ languages

TTY line available for the hearing-impaired at 1-800-448-1833

Counselors can help find services and agencies in the callers' local community

Help at the End of the Line
Callers talk to highly-trained, professional counselors who listen and give "right now" answers. They're sympathetic people who have expertise dealing with these and other problems:

depression

suicide

running away

parenting problems

relationship concerns

physical, sexual, and emotional abuse

chemical dependency

mental health

anger

aggressive behavior

Toll Free
Operated by Father Flanagan's Boys' Home, hotline services are free of charge to every parent and child in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, U.S. territories, and Canada.

Toll-Free: 1-800-448-3000

http://www.sex-ed101.org/links.html

http://www.anorexicweb.com/anorexicweb.html

Report Child Abuse
Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD TDD: 1-800-2-A-CHILD



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All our motivations stem from two: Love or Fear. When in turmoil or indecision, ask yourself from which of these you are acting. If you want an honest response outside of yourself, you need to first be honest within yourself. Bless you on your journey!

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