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Q: okay this is a big problem. My cousin Kim who is really important to me got married for the second time to this guy john. Well, before this my cousin and I were really close even though I live in Ny and she lives in Pa. we always wrote to each other and called each other and all that. I guess I should tell you that she has four kids, her two oldest are from her fist marriage and then the third child christopher is from this guy that she was dating before she married john and then she just had nicholas with john not too long ago. Anyway, I just found out that he has been beating on christopher and he has bruises all over him and he tells him to go to bed cause the boogey man is going to come get him and he is only 3. well my cousin's mom noticed the bruises and her husband went and talked to john about it and after that the kids stopped going over there to be babysat. Then I found out that john kicked my cousin down the stairs when she was pregnant with nicholas and he has hit her and thrown stuff at her. also they got in a car accident, my cousin, john, christopher and nicholas. and for some reason I think it was planned, cause john was driving. I don't know what to do. I am so worried about her and I have tried emailing her and writing her a letter and I haven't heard anything back yet. I can't call her cause I don't have her phone number and pretty much noone in my family does. I can't get a hold of her sister. I am so worried about her and all I think about is the next phone call I get will be saying she's dead or seriously injured because of him. HELP please.

What a horrible situation. I'd just have the urge to call the police and tell them myself if my family wasn't willing to. There are children being beat, and scared to go to sleep. What evil people, and if your cousin keeps letting this happen, shes being evil to her children. She needs to get out, and if she won't or can't get out, its time for you or someone in your family to step up and make her get out. Ask an adult family member to help her, your parent, your guardian, tell them how bad and worried you are about where your cousin's life is going. This is torture, espcially to those kids. Keep asking and telling them until they promise to do something. This is a big concern for lives in serious danger, and you're right, with all of those guys shes married, or just dated, could kill her. I really want you to send me an inbox and tell me what you did, I really need to hear from you about this and want you to help your cousin's family.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: the problem is she does no tegt along with her dad cause he sexually assaulted her and her dad does not know how to talk ive helped him over and over and he is the only one in the family who doesnt like me he cannot be taked to cause hell just agree or maybe yell and keep thinking what he wants

Errr, hey, I'm pretty sure of what question of mine you're replying to, but its a little late, and I forgot all about the question, if you still want my help, just refresh my memory, I think I can remember that you had a girlfriend, and you and her father weren't getting along, and she broke it off with you, do I have the right person?

Q: Hi im 13/f and i have a BIG problem..... ok my boyfriend wants to have sex with me..... and i kept holding it off .. but now i have my period and i DONT want to do it... he got pissed and made up a rumor about me and him having sex.... well my parents found out and i was is big trouble.... ok now its like 1 yr l8ter and my periods are gettin bad and they are really uncomfortable.. so i found out that if i went on the pill they would be easiaer and i would have less of them.... but now how am i soppused to get them without my mom fnding out because i kno if i aske he she will automatticly assume that i would be having sex..... i live peretty far away from a store and i would need a ride....... ok how would i bring this up and how do i not make my mom freak out???

Hey, I don't know if you'll get this, but I re read your question, and I'm very very sorry for misreading that. My big mistake. You didn't have to rate me a 5 though, but thanks a lot, and I apologize for that!

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I'm not sure how to do a wow'kerpow introduction so I'll get right into this.

I have a friend who I sometimes can't stand. It's not that she's not nice to me or anything. She just has the way of manipulating things to get them her way, and to make everyone side with her, no matter what the situation. She could MURDER someone and somehow get everyone to sympathise with her. Or something.

Before I go into the next thing, here's something you should know: I'm incredibly jealous of her. I'm jealous of the fact that she can manipulate people and they don't see what's going wrong. She's also really pretty and really clever and I could stomach that before because it wasn't my whole life, but here's the next part.

Ever since I met her, she's been taking bits of ME and making them better, but making it herself. For example, I get a haircut, and so she gets one exactly like it, but somehow pulls it off better. I say I like some bands and people say it's wierd or something. She says she likes the same bands and HEY! ISN'T SHE THE COOLEST?

So, my friend, who this girl Im jealous of had an argument with has a new bunch of friends outside of school. I met them and they are really lovely, and I have a crush on one of them.

I told Brainy + Clever about it and she said he sounded cool and asked me how someone awful like my other friend managed to meet someone like that. So anyway, I'm going out with them this Saturday, and told her so because she asked me if I was busy.

Suddenly, today, she's best friends with the girl she had an argument with and I can already feel myself getting pushed out of the picture, because I KNOW she'll manipulate this other girl to get what she wants - the GUYS.

I'm just so frustrated because I thought this could be the one thing that I had that she couldn't have. But she's gone and twisted it again and now it's hers.

How can I stop feeling so JEALOUS of her and stop feeling like she's taken my whole LIFE? How can I not feel so worthless and think that I can't be myself anymore because all she'll do is take that and turn it into something bigger and better and make it a characteristic about herself?

Don't tell me to find new friends, or talk to them, because I tried that and it didnt work. Plus, she'd only befriend my new friends and make them like her better anyway.

Sorry for the long question, answers are much appreciated.

This sounds really hard to deal with, I've never felt like somebody was taking my life, and I don't ever want to feel it. I won't advise you to talk to her, because manipulative people won't listen. I think one half of it, is her, just really liking who you are, and trying to be better, making things better, and just liking your style. But the other half is probably your thoughts on yourself, your self-esteem. When you said the example of your manipulative friend pulling a haircut off better than you, and looking better than you, that is you putting yourself down, and not thinking, "hey, you know, I got a really nice haircut, and I look really good" But instead, you think, "Oh no, I got this really nice haircut, but I know that my friend looks a lot prettier than me because everyone complimented her." Let me tell you, that her manipulation will stop working later on, and you do have that right, she has to manipulate people to get them to like her. Are you seeing where I'm going with this? When she copies your styles, and tries to get more attention, and manipulates, thats her way of getting new friends and she obviously has low self-esteem. She isn't an original person. She is no better than you are. Shes not being her own person, shes way worse than you is the truth. That manipulation will get annouying to people soon enough when her other friends and yours have to deal with her and see how things really are. A way to not feel so jealous is to think, "Hey, this girl has so many friends, and a lot of people like her, but its because shes acting like me and being manipulative" and also, just think about the person she is. Just because she can impress people with her looks and be pretty, it doesn't mean that shes just the hottest thing to walk the streets. When girls like her go out of their way to get friends and get guys by taking styles and just being unthoughtful of other's feelings, they get knocked down eventually.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: So I'm a 17 year old girl and my boyfriend is a wee bit older. He's 25.

We've been going out for about a month and he's a great guy to me - he buys everything (not just dinner, like he asks if there's anything I want in stores etc.), he opens doors, he always says the kindest things to me, and yes he's great in the bedroom.

But I've just been wondering lately if this is the best time for me to date someone his age. He's so perfect but it's kind of difficult when I get the weird looks from friends and classmates about dating an older guy. He hasn't met my friends yet and I don't even know if his friends know about me. The whole age thing is just kind of throwing me for a loop.

So, do you think I should keep pursuing this relationship with the chance of getting hurt or just let it go for now with such big differences?

P.S. Remember that I'm only a senior in high school, still dealing with stuff like homecoming and prom. He's already out in the working world...it's a tough choice...

The last sentence is the reason why you shouldn't be with him. You're a minor in high school, and hes been an adult for over 5 years! I know you feel old enough to date him right now, but its still too far apart for your age. He is in a very different place in his life, and you're a high school student. I know you want me to tell you its alright to be with him and that you should ignore what other people think, but I am telling you, its not going to work when you're only 17. Every couples have their share of differences, but these are way too many in differences.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: i havn't had a boyfriend or even a boy liking me in a long time....each time i try to get a guy to like me more he doesn't ever seem interesed......and then either they end up liking my friends or just thinking i'm really weird.....how can i modivate myself when i feel like i'm not good enough for any guy that i ever liked and why is it that uhhh i don't know just help me plz

Don't worry, you aren't alone in feeling this way. There are all of these other girls that you might even know that feels the exact same way about guys and boyfriends. When you find out that a guy doesn't like you back, I know its hard to stay strong and take it, but you just have to think og it as, "Hey, so he doesn't like me back, it doesn't change the way I look and how pretty I am though, I am still a really nice girl, and my friends think so too, so I guess thats his loss" When someone turns you down, it doesn't make you not good enough suddenly. It depends on the person whose turning you down. Is he a jerk? Does he only dive into girls for her appearance? Does he have a big reputation with girls? Even if you answered no to these questions, I think that you'd be good enough for anyone. Sometimes you just have to wait for them, they'll come to you sometime. I know its really great to hear, but its actually true because usually when you go chasing something, it will just keep running away. But if you stand there, doing your own thing, living your own life, is will chase after you sooner later.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: What do you guys think of the idea of having sex with your ex boyfriend that you are thinking about getting back together with?

I just want to know if y'all think its a good idea or not and why.

Background info:
It was a nutural break up
We broke up becasue we kind of just got sick of each other
It was getting too serious for me (not him)
He was my first
I wasn't his first
We've been broken up for almost 2 months.
And we do entend on getting back together...eventually

i'm 17/f and he's 19/m

Definetly not a good idea, and heres my main reason why, hes your ex boyfriend. And, I'm not sure what your definition of "mature" is, but it sounded like it would be an answer that said, "yes, of course its alright! Go have sex with him! You are made for each other!" Thats far from right if thats even close to your definition. But, back on the topic here, I say its not a good idea, unless you have a friends with benefits thing going on with him. Why have sex with someone you aren't hooked up with? Why would you have sex with someone you aren't serious with? From what you've said up there, you just want sex out of your ex. It sounds to me like you are the one who doesn't know enough yet either. I doubt that you'll get back together, or it will be a long long time.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: You all probably deal with the same thing I am about to say. But here is the thing my mom and I get along but most of the time we are arguing about stupid things like chores I do around the house and stuff like that she doesn't like how I do so she complains constatly no matte what I do it's never enough for her. My dad and I sometimes get into arguements to because whenever I am arguing with my mom he always plans it on me even if I didn't start it. Most of the time we don't get along either. They also get into arguements too and try to get us involve if we don't they get mad but if you do they always want us to pick sides and that's why we don't want to get involved. Do you have any advice.

You should start saying to your parents when an arguement is about to start, "Look mom/dad, I don't really want to fight about it, its silly anyway, and it bugs me when we do fight." And they might stop and agree, and if not, just keep saying, "Ok mom/dad, I understand where you are coming from, but lets not yell and scream about it anymore, please, I really try respecting your wishes the best I can and will continue to do so." I'm not sure what you mean by "us" but I think it sounds like your siblings and you, are being forced to choose a side between your parents? If thats the case, or its only you being forced to choose a side, the next time one of your parents talk bad on the other, just say, "mom, I really don't want you talking about dad like that, and I don't want to be forced on a side, I love you and dad both." But, mainly, it sounds like you need to have a talk with your parents about the fighting lately, and let them know how much its bugging you, because thats the only way you could try to get it to stop.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: i need some good advice to give to my little brother, he is madly in love with a girl alot younger than him. she is 16 and he will be 22 in dec. they dont have a physical relationship, that i know of, god i hope they dont, but anyway he has asked me if i think it is wrong to be in love with her. i am trying to not be to sisterly and bossy about my answer to him i just need some advice on how to tell him how i feel about it. i think it is wrong, but at the same time i want him to be happy. please help

Yes, it is definetly wrong. Thank God you know that. I think that you should tell him that he needs to find an adult his age, not a girl under 18. Tell him that he can do way better than than 16, because if he can't find a woman his age, then he needs to grow up. I'm very sorry if this hurts you, but its true. A man needs to find a woman, not a girl.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: she broke up with me

Really? I read that wrong? I'm so sorry, so she broke up with you because she thinks that it won't work out because of her dad?

Q: Hi i need some help ive been going out with this girl for about 2 years i really do love her and care about her but the problem isnt really me or her her dad hasn never liked me but the rest of the family does ive helped him several times with things hes needed and no thanks have been given not even a show of apreciation. the begining of this week she was talking to me and her dad walks in al pissed of and he starts yelling and half wway threw the conv. i heard him talking about me i was on the phone with her and he knew it. its like he did it to get to me. so i asked her to put me on the phone with him i said if you got something to say to me say it to my face and then he said somethings he shouldnt and i said somethings i shouldnt. the wthings is me and her broke up cause i personalyy dotn thinks its gonna work out if me and her dad dont get along cause i understand that he needs to be a part of her family and im almost 100%percent positive that me and him will not be able to work it out becaus ehe will raise his voice and im not one to baxck down can u please help? anything i could do anyway for us to still be together or her be able to be freinds with me? i really do care about her and she really cares about me

You crossed the line big time with her dad. I know that he was really rude to you, but you just made thing a whole lot worse by acting childish and saying what you said to him. Breaking up with her wasn't a smart move either. Don't break up with your girlfriend because her dad is just flat out rude for no reason. Unless there is a reason for him to resent you. You cannot control her dad, if this were a friend, or a person that wasn't related to you or her, that you could solve and get rid of. But you will never be able to get rid of her dad, if you end up marrying her, you're stuck with her father forever. Thats the first big reason why you shouldn't have said what you said to him. If you still want to be with her, which I wouldn't doubt, then I suggest that you talk to her dad and ask him what was the problem before anything happened on the phone. Don't yell, just ask him calmy what is the problem. And no matter how rude he is, just say you're sorry before you stop talking to him. You also need to get your girlfriend involved in this, have her talk to her dad about it too. Get some information on this. If you really cared about her, you'd try hard to talk with her dad, and do everything possible to find out what is wrong.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Okay, my bf, Kyler and I have been going out for a month...if he doesn't get certain grade on his grades, his mom is gonna make him break up with me....I think that is kinda lame, so that is like a strike against him...I mean..we could be friends with benefits....but I don't know...I think that if we ever did break up, that we would be friends, and I MIGHT go out with my friends cousin Will...I don't know yet...it's just all really hard....I mean to me this is awesome, because Kyler actually likes me back and all...and I feel really good with him....but....I don't know....it's like his parents are too protective and they need to let go of their little boy, because he ain't little no more....They don't really let him do anything with me except talk on the phone....and I really need help on what to do..I mean all my friends want me to dump Kyler, but I don't want to!!!

If you don't want to dump him, then don't. Unfortunatly you can't do anything about his parents, they are concerned for their child's grade, and thats ok. But, you and him will have to keep on with what you're doing right now until his parents are more open to his trust with having good grades and being able to have a girlfriend at the same time. Friends with benefits would solve what? It wouldn't solve anything, and you don't ever want to try having a friend with benefits, there are big mind games that can be played in the friends with benefits thing. But, you don't have any control over your boyfriend's parents.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: ok, my best friend and i have known each other since we were 2. we're actually a lot more like sisters, because we know everything about each other. we're now sophomores in high school, and she has yet to make one friend of her own. every friend she has was because i was friends with them first, which isnt a problem, but she needs to seriously be able to make her own friends. we have EVERY class together, and she just tags along. i never get a break from her. i cant stand her attitude, and if i hadnt have known her my whole life i probably wouldnt choose to be friends with her. she judges everyone and is just plain mean. i honestly need to get away from her but i cant, and i cant talk to her because shell just go crying to MY friends and try to get them to be on her side. what the hecks and i supposed to do!?!?

You need to get her out of your face is what you need to do. You really do need a break from her, whether your other friends are her shoulder to cry on or not, you are suffocated in this friendship. Write her a letter, call her, or anything, and explain nicely that you think that you both need some time away because you need some alone time. And no, you do not have to make up a death, or something you feel sad about, everybody eventually needs time to themselves, and thats whats wrong, you can't miss her when she never goes away. Also explain that you still want to be her friend, but you just need to be alone sometimes. Sure, she may have crying spells and just not take it well, but you have to do it, and its the only way, because soon, if you let it go on, you'll just be so frustrated that you would tell her in an unpleasant way that would keep you both apart forever. Also, think of it this way, if you were bugging the heck out of your friend, would you want your friend to let you know? Or would you rather just have her annouyed with you and you not knowing it? She'll learn to make new friends, but I think you need time to yourself.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: 14/f

Ok there is this boy in school and in the begining of the year we talked not alot but enough...so then one day he told me that i was pretty so i figured he liked me..(he didnt really just go over to me and say ur pretty but there is a hole long story but you dont need to kno it to help me)...so then after that happend he kinda just stopped talkin to me and we never really talk much...so does he like me or not??
please help ------->i'll rate 5's

Don't try figuring out whether he likes you or not, nobody knows yet, yes, being called pretty is a big sign. But, don't jump to conclusions just yet. Start talking to him again, you're asking too early whether he likes you or not. It probably seems like you havn't talked to him in forever because you like him, so don't rush, and develop a relationship at least.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but I don't think she feels the same way. See, I'm a 9th grader, and along with school, I also have a part-time job that ends at 6pm. Then when I get home I have to do homework, then my mom makes me take out the garbage, unload the dishwasher, fold laundry, clean my room, and dust. By the time I'm done it time for bed.

My mom doesn't treat me like Cinderella and make me do everything, but its sooo annoying when she's makes me do these things when she's off the whole day and she does NOTHING. How can I let her know I need a lighter load?

Try explaining to your mom that everything you do gets overwhelming, and that you understand that she wants you to do some things around the house, but you need some help with it, because its getting stressful to a point where you have no room in your day to take a breath. You need to relax at times, you work, you go to school, thats a handful already. Now, if I were Dr.Phil, I'd just yell at your mom and straighten her out, but since you're a child still, the only you'll get through is to explain. Your mom is being a little ridiculous about what shes doing to you. Sorry if that offends you at all, but I don't like the thought of a mom making her child do everything and her doing nothing.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Before I start I'm a sixteen year old girl.

Well I have been depressed for a while. Sometimes it is better but sometimes the urge to end my life is overwhelming. I have seen many counselors, pyschologists, and mental health physicians but onthing seems to help. A lot of my friends think I'm bipolar. My counselor says I'm not but when I read about all the symptoms it makes sense. I have 10 of the fourteen symptoms that the website said. I have really good days where you can't put me down but then again I also have the excet opposite kind of days. My counselor said that if I start having more suicidal thoughts or if my appetite keeps dropping then I should get in touch with her. About three months ago my appetite basically disappeared. My friends thought I was trying to lose wieght but I just wasn't hungry. I never eat breakfast and so I constantly feel weak or sick. I'm just so confused about what I should do. Can anyone help me?

The best that you can do for yourself is to not give up hope when it comes to big problems such as depression. I know it is extremely hard to have hope when you're a person with depression, but if you don't give up, then you can stop depression before it literally takes over your life. Start seeing your counselor again, and tell her your concerns with being bipolar, or anything else. You have to talk. Tell her about your eating routines, and your decreased appetite, and if you're having suicidal thoughts, try not to say it like you're really thinking of killing yourself, most likely those feelings are just lonliness, and feeling that the world is unbearable. Sometimes, they aren't actually suicidal, they could just be that sometimes you wish you weren't here on this earth. Be sure to express true feelings and concerns especially to your parents, or guardians.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Ok this might be hard to follow but lets give it a shot. Well right now i am in such a screwed up situation. As far as my friends i dont even know what or who to believe. Ok well me and this girl Kathy have been best of friends for bout 3 years now. And use to me and this boy tj used to be i met him and thats how i met kathy. Well back toward the end of may me and kathy told tj off cause he was lying. Ok so sometime in the begining of july he comes back into the picture wants another chance i was hesistating but kathy wasnt so i gave it a shot. Well turns out my feeling was right i should not have cause i ended up telling him off again for lying and coping off with an attitude. And every since then i haven't seen him or talked to him and dont wont to.And there for a few weeks kathy wasnt either. Well say the 2nd or 3rd week in august TJ and another one of his buddies come back into the picture. Well right off the bat i had a bad feeling bout them both. And turns out kathy goes out with tj's buddy. And every since that week that tj and his buddy came back into the picture Kathy hasnt been acting herself. Not towards me that she has known for 3 years or her real good friend crystal sometimes. And her and crystal are like sisters. I havent been acting myself either but that cause of this plus some is getting me misurably stressed. Anyways my question is do yall know anyway we can get it through Kathy's head that she needs to give Tj the big boot and also some other people and start acting herself again and realize that she is hurting her close ones?

P.S. me and kathy have been so close, We used to talk to each other everyday, I used to go and spend the night at her house every weekend help her and her family out til bout a month and a half ago when she wasnt acting right.

I don't know if you'll ever be able to convince her that shes changed because shes happy where she is. I'm not saying just let her do what she wants, I think your best bet would be to tell her what you feel on the topic, but I'm not sure if she'll understand, or even take that in. The best of words you could say is, "Kathy, we have had a really great friendship, and I've always liked having that strong bond with you in my life. But, ever since TJ, and his friend have come back in our lives, I feel that its coming in between our relationship. I know you are happy with TJ's friend, but I just want you to know that I fear the way you act right now ever since." Also, assure her that you'd never try to break her up with someone on purpose, you just want the old Kathy back. The one you knew.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: So I'll be dating my current boyfriend for three months a week from today. He's the first boyfriend I've had that I can honestly say I really loved. The problem? Things are just getting annoying and boring. When we first started dating, he would do all these cute things with me, like whenever I joke around and try to fall he'll run and catch me... just little things like that. But I'm starting to wonder if he takes everything too seriously. If we're arguing about something little, I'll joke around and say "Take it back or I'll fall over!" And he'll get this seriously sad look on his face and whimper "No..." He can never take a joke it seems and I'm starting to get annoyed with it. I guess I just want him to act more mature. After all he is 19 and he could be acting more mature than he has been lately. I don't really want to consider breaking up with him right now, so is there any other suggestions you have on fixing this first?

Signed, Annoyed But In Love

Its very common to get tiredsome of a strong relationship. It actually happens to every couple. They think that when you're with this person every second, minute, and hour, they'll be happy forever, but thats far from the truth. The best thing you can do is ask him if something has had him upset lately, or if hes feeling different about your status, (in your relationship.) If he can't think of anything, or has no idea whats going on, I think that will imply that maybe you should take some time away from each other. Not really break up, but a small break to catch up on other things in your life. When you're away from each other, and come back later, he'll really miss you enough to not argue with you, and he'll miss "catching" you. I don't think at all there should be a break up. You both are still in a healthy relationship, this is not something you should give up on. You're going to feel annouyed a lot of other times with him, so let this be a practice to you.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: awhile ago me and one of my friends got arrested for vandilism. we spray painted some cars and broke some windows. when will my parents begin to trust me again? me and my friend have talked and we wont get in anymore trouble. we want to hang out. i want trust and think i deserve it.

Thanks a lot
Timothy

You'll just have to wait for your parents to come back around again to trust you. If you continue to just be a good person and not get into any trouble, soon they'll let it go, dwelling on when they'll trust you again will just make you even more upset. You were arrested, your parents deserve to be upset, too. So, just give them time to regain your trust, and you have to show them that your trust can be regained.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Hey everyone!!
Well I met this guy through one of my friends and we went on our first date together. I thought everything worked out well so on the next day we went on another date. This next date all the guy wanted to do was have sex with me and he was all over me too. I'm really not sure if I should see him again or not because I know that he really wants to be with me but I'm not sure that I feel the same. (He's really sex- oriented). After our date he called me to rell me he wanted to hang out again. Should I give him an extra shot or just give up on him and move on, because all he wants is my a**.lol. Please help. Xo> I'll Rate!!

Definetly give him up. Hes already trying to get in your pants on the second date? Nope, thats not right. I think you know its best to give him up. I know that guys are pretty into sex, but this is different. Don't consider seeing this guy again, he can go down some other girls pants.

-TheTeenGirl

bio

My name is Erin and I am now 18 years old. You may realize through out looking at my column, some of you love me and some of you flat out hate me. There's really no gray area with me I guess you can say.

I haven't given advice here in so long and it's only because I got caught up in life. But I'm more mature than I ever thought I could be.
So anyway I'm here again. It's been a long time, but I still love giving advice and still plan on it in the future.

Everyone should feel free to Private Message me for advice, I can be harsh, but I'm always trying to help someone by giving them the truth they need.

About My Ratings:
I enjoy ratings. And if I ask a question on here, I always rate the person. If you work hard to give advice, you deserve to be rated.