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I can't stand her!?
I'm not sure how to do a wow'kerpow introduction so I'll get right into this.
I have a friend who I sometimes can't stand. It's not that she's not nice to me or anything. She just has the way of manipulating things to get them her way, and to make everyone side with her, no matter what the situation. She could MURDER someone and somehow get everyone to sympathise with her. Or something.
Before I go into the next thing, here's something you should know: I'm incredibly jealous of her. I'm jealous of the fact that she can manipulate people and they don't see what's going wrong. She's also really pretty and really clever and I could stomach that before because it wasn't my whole life, but here's the next part.
Ever since I met her, she's been taking bits of ME and making them better, but making it herself. For example, I get a haircut, and so she gets one exactly like it, but somehow pulls it off better. I say I like some bands and people say it's wierd or something. She says she likes the same bands and HEY! ISN'T SHE THE COOLEST?
So, my friend, who this girl Im jealous of had an argument with has a new bunch of friends outside of school. I met them and they are really lovely, and I have a crush on one of them.
I told Brainy + Clever about it and she said he sounded cool and asked me how someone awful like my other friend managed to meet someone like that. So anyway, I'm going out with them this Saturday, and told her so because she asked me if I was busy.
Suddenly, today, she's best friends with the girl she had an argument with and I can already feel myself getting pushed out of the picture, because I KNOW she'll manipulate this other girl to get what she wants - the GUYS.
I'm just so frustrated because I thought this could be the one thing that I had that she couldn't have. But she's gone and twisted it again and now it's hers.
How can I stop feeling so JEALOUS of her and stop feeling like she's taken my whole LIFE? How can I not feel so worthless and think that I can't be myself anymore because all she'll do is take that and turn it into something bigger and better and make it a characteristic about herself?
Don't tell me to find new friends, or talk to them, because I tried that and it didnt work. Plus, she'd only befriend my new friends and make them like her better anyway.
Sorry for the long question, answers are much appreciated.
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This sounds really hard to deal with, I've never felt like somebody was taking my life, and I don't ever want to feel it. I won't advise you to talk to her, because manipulative people won't listen. I think one half of it, is her, just really liking who you are, and trying to be better, making things better, and just liking your style. But the other half is probably your thoughts on yourself, your self-esteem. When you said the example of your manipulative friend pulling a haircut off better than you, and looking better than you, that is you putting yourself down, and not thinking, "hey, you know, I got a really nice haircut, and I look really good" But instead, you think, "Oh no, I got this really nice haircut, but I know that my friend looks a lot prettier than me because everyone complimented her." Let me tell you, that her manipulation will stop working later on, and you do have that right, she has to manipulate people to get them to like her. Are you seeing where I'm going with this? When she copies your styles, and tries to get more attention, and manipulates, thats her way of getting new friends and she obviously has low self-esteem. She isn't an original person. She is no better than you are. Shes not being her own person, shes way worse than you is the truth. That manipulation will get annouying to people soon enough when her other friends and yours have to deal with her and see how things really are. A way to not feel so jealous is to think, "Hey, this girl has so many friends, and a lot of people like her, but its because shes acting like me and being manipulative" and also, just think about the person she is. Just because she can impress people with her looks and be pretty, it doesn't mean that shes just the hottest thing to walk the streets. When girls like her go out of their way to get friends and get guys by taking styles and just being unthoughtful of other's feelings, they get knocked down eventually.
-TheTeenGirl
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You know what I have noticed- in life, whenever someone is succeceeding and is happy, someone whether they are friends or enemies, always tries to take that away. Be happy for her, don't be jealous. Try to take a few pointers off of what she's doing and try to win the guy and all the friends. If you aren't willing to lose that friend, then well, good luck coping with jealousy.
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To end jealousy, you need to start being happy for her. Here's what I mean. You are jealous because of a talent she has. Well, you know that you don't have that talent and you know that what you do will be mimicked by her. So, instead of trying to fight it, join it. Be happy that she has the ability to adapt, and happy that she is getting along really well.
And know that because of her, everything YOU do is immediately considered good. Like the bands. When you liked it, it was considered "Uncool". Now that she like it, it is considered "Cool". So, if you say you like certain bands, they cannot say the it is "Uncool", for that would contradict her. And not only that, but you can say that you like them when they were "Uncool", and show proof from CD's and dates of purchace and junk.
One thing that I want you to remember before I end this. This girl is nothing. Absolutely nothing. She is only what you put into her. She has no personality whatsoever, as her personality comes from what you give her. You do. And who is going to succeed in life? One who leads, or the one who follows and copies?
Think about it.
-Steven
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