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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

First off, I (16M) randomly ejaculated earlier. No masturbation, no erections, nothing. I went to go and wipe my penis, and get the semen out of my pants with a tissue. However, I guess some bits of tissue, just stayed there, and they were too small to get out. Also, (you’ll see how this ties in in a minute), when I was pulling up my pants ready to wash my hands, a bit of semen dropped on the floor. I was going to wipe it up however, just as I was about to, I couldn’t hear where it landed even though I definitely felt it. So now I’m worried that I stood on it, and there’s semen in my feet

Anyway, I went to change my pants, but when I was naked, about to change them, I noticed some round white circles. Now, this definitely isn’t sperm, as it had a completely different thickness to normal sperm, and a completely different texture to dry sperm.

I realised it was tissue quite quickly, but didn’t want to wipe it out, for fear that more would get stuck.

I’d considered running a bath, but didn’t want any semen to get on the cloth, as I was still randomly ejaculating by this point. Even though the semen was just sort of ‘sticking out’ my penis stuck, I got some tissue to wipe it, but didn’t want to chance getting any on the cloth. Because other people in the house use it as well, to wash their faces, armpits etc.

The tissue is still stuck in my balls now. And I don’t want to get in the bath to try and scrub it out, as other people use the same cloth.

How do I explain the situation to my parents? Neither of them were home when this happened.

Also, why did the semen disappear that landed on the floor?

And why did I ejaculate randomly without thinking of anything even remotely sexual?

Easy question first. As to ejaculation while flaccid is not commom but also not unheard of. Males in teens all the way through senior men have experienced it so its not age related. Its not anything to worry about. As for the tissue like wads you keep finding, tissue paper doesn't repeatedly appear on the genitals over and over. I am female and it is only very seldom I wipe myself to find a tiny wad of toilet paper on the tissue I just used, or when using my hand to swish water down there and find a wad, or lastly my partner finds it. But as I said, its seldom, only one wad and maybe once every 3 months.

I did check on line if people have issues with an inferior brand of toilet paper doing this and found that yes, some TP is more prone to disintegrating and ending up stuck in bits on the skin. Quite a few said Charmin TP was bad and the problem disappearing once a different TP was used.

It is just as likely that you have an infection that simply appears to look like tp.

You make this sound as if there is only one washcloth in the home with one more to use while the other is in the wash. I would stop using the 'communal' washcloth and get your own for a buck at the dollar store. Wet it and use it in on your penis and surrounding areas. If you use nothing but this washcloth of your own, or get a container of wet wipes and use this to wipe yourself after, then doing this for 2 or three days will prove if it is not toilet paper because you havent used any in that area, only for a poop. If you still see some residue, whitish clumps or white patches on the skin anywhere, penis or scrotum, then you will need to go see a doctor to confirm if it is yeast infection or more serious, an STD if you have bben sexually active. While a yeast infection can be caught from sex with a girl who has it, it can also happen if the male does not clean himself well. I suspect this would be due more to ideas of it being improper to touch oneself down there for any reason.
If it comes to seeing the family Dr. you can either tell the parents, or call the Dr. yourself and make an appointment. When it comes to our reproductive organs, teens can bypass the parents and be seen by a doctor and due to the HIPPA rules, they can't share with your own parents why you were seen, what for unless you say you want them to know. Semen is pretty clear and not going to show on a floor any better than a small drop of water. Its not anything to worry about but if the discharge of Tissue like substance continues when no longer using it, GO SEE A DOCTOR! I capatolized on purpose because it is that urgent. Left untreated, it can get worse and the infection spread to the bloodstream in sever cases, so don't wait on something that is easily treated and gone in days or a week.

Females get infections like this throughout their life, no matter how cleanly they are. Vaginitis and yeast infections. It just isn't as common in males but still theres no reason to be embarrassed about it.

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Job interview is coming up and i did some research and found out the following?

the place is facing alleged verbal and emotional abuse charges ...should I cancel this interview due to the info I found out?

Whoa, if there is a lawsuit coming up, then this is pretty serious. Most employees put up with a certain amount of crap because they need the paycheck so it has to be serious to get this bad.

In case you think that verbal abuse is harmless and having a tough skin is enough, I can tell you from my own experience that verbal abuse is slowly but accumulatively bad for you. My first marriage was a man who was verbally abusive and I stayed 30 years before leaving him. The only time I heard kind words was at work but not at home. 24/7 of complaints and yelling and so on. I got every stressed related thing that could show up, headaches, migraines, ulcers, all over body rashes and my blood pressure was affected as well. Stress has to go somewhere once its directed at you, and it goes either into physical ailments or into your mental and emotional areas. Either way, daily stress is going to slowly eat up your health one way or the other.
Unless the guy or gal who has the lawsuit against them, willingly goes for therapy and is changed, likely all they will do is have to pay fines. Since we don't know if at some ppoint they will be back to their 'boss' position, I would say it isn't a good choice to interview now, not until after the outcome where you know if you would still be working under this person/persons or a new person. If it were me, I would cancel and keep tabs on the company and the lawsuit case. Keep in mind, even those seeing a therapist do not change over night so for the person to change enough to be a good boss, is very unlikely for a few years but then again, my husbands therapist told me some people are so resistant to change that they change right at the very end of their life or never. Those are pretty bad odds and my ex wea resistant so that was the end of that marriage for me.

I would think you could find something else out there that would be better. Maybe take any old job at a fast food place until you find the job you want. Fast food jobs are very permanent to many people who work there out of school, or between jobs, or while looking for something a step up. Anyone being at such a place still after a year is almost unheard of

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I am 30 years old and I still live at home with my mom because of some mental health issues I have . I share a room with my 18 year old niece. My problem is my niece keeps putting her stuff on my bed . I had to start sleeping on the couch because of this . It really made me mad when I found a plate of pizza on my bed. How do I handle this like an adult without going to my mom ? Help!

Since I don't know the room layout, I have no idea if other than food, there is a great lack of space to put things in the bedroom. If that is the case, some creative storage ideas might be needed. Then again, she may just be messy and not thinking ahead. All of us before age 25 had frontal lobes of the brain not fully developed yet and one thing this lack affects, is the ability to look forward to consequences or how ones actions might affect another.Obviously she is not capable of doing this. All you can do is ask her if she feels there is not enough space for her things, even if it looks like more of a bad habit. The habit may have come about due to lack of space which is likely the case when two beds are in one room. Most bedrooms lack room otherwise unless using bunk beds. You can try to talk to her about coming up with a plan for more storage. I wouldn't come at it as a fact that she is a messy person, because leaving a plate of pizza on your bed is one thing already that shows she probably is. But calling her messy will only get her defences up and make her resist working together.

I also don't see how something can be done alone with out involving Mom. It is her house and lack of storage space would fall to her to make ultimate decisions on as it may involve purchases of certain things. Some things can be found in Hardware stores, such as closet organizers. There is also flat large plastic bins with lids and on wheels, made to roll under the bed for extra storage. Shoe organizers with pockets to hang on door and it doesn't have to be shoes that go in it. Hanging mini hammocks for storage or in the same idea, hanging sectioned mesh tower with shelves to store items. I have seen lots of cool idea but they all cost money.

I suspect that your Mom is the one who is looking after your niece so if organizing for more room doesn't work, You and Mom may have to speak in private of doing something drastic to get her to be clean and respectful of the shared space.

The one suggestion I have, and you can show this to Mom if it comes to this point, is putting a locking door knob on the bedroom door and you and Mom each have a key. The room remains unlocked if the niece is keeping things clean and not using your bed. However, anytime she does not keep things up and gets messy and breaks these rules, she loses privilege of the room for a certain amount of time. At this point, it is locked and she must sleep on couch and have either you or Mom unlock and supervise while she picks out clothes or what she needs from there. After the period of days is over, she gets use of the room again until she messes up again. I figure it may take a couple times for her to see that Mom and you are serious about this.

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I can't believe this is happening, but it's definitely for real. After taking two different home pregnancy tests and getting the same result, I decided to skip school last Friday to go to the doctor to find out for sure. And I am most definitely pregnant.

I told my boyfriend over the weekend. He says he'll support whatever decision I make regarding the baby. I've thought about it and decided I don't want to get an abortion. I want to have this baby and find a family to adopt him or her.

I told my parents everything over the weekend as well, including my plans to carry the child to term and to find a family willing to adopt. They were upset, as you can imagine, but support my decision.

I've told a couple of other friends and they think I'm crazy to not have an abortion. I've been trying not to let them fill me with doubt, but I can't help but wonder. Am I making the right decision here? I want to believe I'm doing the right thing. All I know is that I hate the idea of killing this life inside me. After all, he/she didn't ask me to get pregnant.

So glad to hear your parents are supportive. I understand your not wanting to kill a life inside you and your attitude that innocent child inside did not ask for you to get into this predicament. You are the one who will have to live with any decision you make. So lets go over the options. You have friends suggesting an abortion. Of course, they are imagining their selves in the same situation and what they would do. What is right for one person is not going to be right for another. I support mothers choice but also realize there are sometimes situations where it is understandable to have an abortion. If there are no health concerns for you, then there is no reason to abort. I think the biggest issue will be your peers and how they treat you. If you've graduated, then you don't have to worry about going to school and all the stares, alienation, or whatever. If still finishing school, you can do a search for 'schools for pregnant teens' as a search phrase. You are likely on parents insurance until you turn 18. However adult college age people can remain on parents insurance if going to college. So there may be a clause for teen pregnancy if you turn 18 before birth of the child. Look into that with the insurance company now. Then if they say no, It would be worth checking with a lawyer because the cost of pregnancy care is high and so is the birth. Now if adopting it out, you and parents may want to check with several adoption agencies as they may help with or cover costs of the birth. You may also want to think about closed adoption vs open adoption. This would mean you don't want the child ever knowing who you are once they get old enough to wonder. Then there are agencies where you chose the people you like to have them adopt and they will let the child know when they are older and want to meet their birth mother. Or it can be one where you get to be involved in the childs life as much or as little as you want to from its birth on. This would mean the adoptive parents are very happy to include you in special milestones, getting school pictures, birthdays, etc. From a few women I know of who had closed adoptions, giving up the child is hard at the last minute and some change their minds to want to keep the child because never seeing it again feels so final and hard to deal with emotionally. I know those who had closed adoptions who suffered emotionally, and most of all were plagued life long with the what ifs, wondering how the child was but it was too late to change as the adoptive parents may be the kind of people who want no contact and don't want the child knowing it was adopted. I have s sister who had an abortion as a teen and I don't know if it happens to others, but I have heard it can have traumatic affects on the female body to be pregnant one moment and not the next. All I can say is she began to develop medical problems right after, gaining lots of extra weight, her emotions going haywire and becoming bi polar. She will tell you she didn't use to feel that way before becoming pregnant. I can't say anything else was caused by the abortion. However later in life she got diabetes and fibromyalgia a decade later. It seems like her body went haywire after an abortion and slowly got worse. I know plenty females who have no side effects after an abortion other than emotional ones and hormonal ones for a while until hormones return to normal. Tho some feel guilt and that can last a lifetime.

I have always thought that the open adoption where either you or the child can find each other once they become an adult, or you are involved in their life, like a relative would be to be the best options. This way you don't worry about never seeing the child. A teen pregnancy is not something to worry about hiding from a child. Better for your child to know that it is too hard as a teen to begin raising a child so you made the loving choice that he/she was adopted by a couple who could care for the child and also supported that child knowing they are the adoptive Mom and Dad and you the birth mother. It seems any child not kept out of the loop but knowing the circumstances, is less likely to repeat history and get pregnant or make a girl pregnant. So don't worry about it. Only if its kept secret as if it was a really bad thing, will the child wonder and perhaps even resent both you and adoptive parents for keeping it secret. I don't know if a person could handle knowing their father was the man who raped their Mom. That is not the case here so give it a thought. But remember whatever you decide, it will not be able to be reversed later and your mind is stilling developing, the frontal cortex and won't be done until your mid tweenties. So about then, you may think differently about what you chose to do. SO I guess you have to decide best how you might feel in the future and make your best choices regarding the adoption procedure. Blessing to you dear. It isn't easy but can be very fulfilling depending how you go on adoption process

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Hi,
Yesterday at church my boyfriend of 6 months introduced me to another member of the congregation by the wrong name.

The name he used is that of another woman in the church who calls him every day to check on him
His wife passed away 2 years ago and he has some medical issues.

I am upset that he used the wrong name
and equally upset that the woman calls him every day . He apologized but i wonder if im wasting my time Thank you

I have the most wonderful 2nd husband I could ever have wished for. It is our 2nd marriage for both of us so we have a past. Everyone has a past, including your boyfriend. So occasional slips of the mind and using the wrong name is no indicator of devotion to you. In my case, we are getting older and our minds forgetful and the tendency to use to wrong words also increases. I have no doubt because of his consistent actions that he actually cherishes me as vows talk about and is still in love with me after ten years however in the last year, he has increasingly not had his brain in gear when telling someone a story in which he uses his wifes name. I'll make up the names for an example, "I understand what you're saying Paul, Beth used to do the same thing when we were first married." I am right there listening and I know its not me he's talking about so for the other persons sake I bring it to his attention. "You mean Lori, not me." "Yeah, right, thanks" and he goes on with his story. He doesn't feel bad and I am not jealous.

In your case, you are just starting out a relationship, 6 mos in. I don't know is his behavior, and the things he does for you that you could do for yourself, are often enough to see a pattern and have it confirmed by his actions that he's crazy about you or already in love with you. If his wife passed away, that is not like a divorce if it was a good marriage. He will likely miss her and continue to think of her and maybe even wish to tell stories about her. My husband has told me stories of his ex. When it comes to cooking, her skills outpass mine but in all other things, I wonder how he managed since she is a needy person(my words not his) from the stories I've heard. A man is not going to love a new woman because she is exactly the same as the last. If the relationship was great, there will be s few things the same possibly, but in general, he will have learned to admire traits that are yours alone, stuff he didn't have in the last wife. Or if it was a bad relationship, a man would be settling for less to find a gal the same as the last. Hopefully he learned something during the last relationship and not only improved as a human himself but realized there must be something better. Many do not start dating again once a mate dies or they divorced a bad person. If a person is willing to date again after such circumstances, they are most likely social people and have a lot of love left to give. A slip of the mind and using another persons name is no proof that you are not important . Heck when I was a young Mom I wanted to call my youngest daughter and ended up using all her sisters names before I got to hers. Of course, back then my mind was sharper and I caught my error, only to use another wrong name before getting it right. Sometimes when people get older and forgetfulness can start earlier than what we think of old age, this kind is issue means we won't catch our own errors of using the wrong name. So it is far more important to watch him for his behavior towards you, 24/7. Is he one person at church and totally different away from church, a gentlemen in public, but when at home, he acts more like a controller or dictator with you. Does he treat you as if you are precious to him, treat you like a princess, and I don't mean by buying expensive gifts.
Now as for this woman calling him every day, That is a bit excessive, although I do understand how a past female can want to call an ex, or a close male friend. In my case, the ex lives in the boonies, no neighbors around close and she works long hours and only has herself for company, So like when her dog died, she was so upset she had to talk to someone about it and he was the one she called. He cares about her as a person, like you would care about your neighbor but he for sure doesn't like when she calls because she is basicaly very needy, a bit of a mental case and also drinks heavily. She has called to talk to me if she couldn't reach him and if drunk has called him all kinds of names, how terrible a person he is and yet not a word she speaks of him is true for our relationship. If it truly is every day, I would ask him to let her know that he doesn't mind a call once a week but every day is too much as he is a busy person. And the only other thing he can do is just not answer most those calls. Thats what my husband does. Aren't you going to answer it I ask. Nope, its Lori, and I don't want to spend the next hour listening to her complaints. Your guy may be willing to help her out in such a way. Don't be jealous and assume its bad. Just ask him what she called about. If he can share some of the stuff she says, only then will you be able to see a pattern. In my case, she is so needy that the their one daughter didn't invite her to the wedding, but I was invited and she's moved far away and doesn't call Mom or answer her calls. I hope that paints the picture that there can be a needy, unwanted person pestering him but it should not affect how he feels about you. If you have other concerns that come up, I'd be glad to share my perspective with me.

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I’m gay and my grandma is very homophobic. I’ve been with my wife for five years so she’s had plenty of time to adjust. She’s always said random homophobic things but yesterday she took it too far. My wife was doing her makeup at my moms house and my grandma said “boys don’t wear makeup” I said “she’s not a boy she’s my wife” to which my grandma replied “women don’t have short hair” I so badly want to cut her out of my life and my mom is making excuses for her. I just will feel bad when she dies knowing I stopped talking to her. She sees nothing she did wrong and NEVER apologizes. Help!

The decision as to what you do will always be up to you but I have a few things to share that might help you decide. I won't be making excuses for grandma, just sharing some facts that might shed light on why she is this way.

You have heard the saying, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks". I don't know about dogs but I feel this pertains a lot to people. One fact is that when people grow older, they are less likely to change, make adjustments easily, stay stuck in what they know of the past. Since I am grandma age, I had parents who married in the fifties, and if your grandma was around, at any age, during the 5o's, 60's and early 70's, that is a time when women were told how to look and what to do and what their place was in life.
Take a look at this guideline for housewives from 1955. There may have been some improvements but not enough to make a difference in the time frame I mentioned. Girls still only had shoulder length or page boy length hair cuts, but no shorter. They didn't wear pants in some parts of the country until into the 70's. I remember a petition when I was in grade school saying girls should be able to wear pants especially during winter when it was colder, and that was in the 60's. Once you read the list I provided, you should understand it was a form of social pressure against women and if growing up during a time when women were supposed to reapply makeup all the time, have long hair and wear only dresses, and obey what men said, all that stuff was programmed into her brain at a time the brain was still growning and maturing and so it became part of the programming they lived with. Yes, there were always women who questioned what they were told and bucked the trends such as Katherine, a runner in the Boston marathon when women were not allowed. This was 1967 and heres a link although you may have seen it going around Facebook.
https://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2017/4/17/15325716/kathrine-switzer-first-woman-to-run-boston-marathon-50th-anniversary

By the way, the use of gay in the first article meant 'happy' back then but is not used as an alternative word for happy any longer.

Until you have been around enough older people to see what I am talking about, you may not understand how they tend to live and think in the past. For one thing, as we grow older, our short term memory of what we did yesterday or the name of someone we met last week just won't stick in our minds. I am starting to have those issues myself as well as any friends in my age range so I know its true. I have perfect recall of things I did as a child and the early years of raising my own kids. It started getting foggy a bit at the end of my forties and has increased since then. So new ideas, new situations, such as gays being accepted as well as any of the LGBTQ, is not something they will remember from the past and they still compare anything of today with a measuring tape of the past so of course they will not see it as being something right. I am not only accepting but see same sex couples as being a normal thing. Its been around in the animal world for eons. It just isn't understood that way by most but I came to understand it at a younger age. If I was supposed to accept it today, or years from now, I probably would have trouble being convinced.
So basically, I am saying that you are not going to be able to change your grandma. She is just not going to accept it. She will likely only see her error after she has passed over and is in heaven. Then it will be too late for her to tell you she is sorry. But she can still see you and watch and hear you if you talk to her then and she'll know you still loved her even if she was unbudging or call it a stick in the mud about how some things have changed and improved. If you can't get your head wrapped around it, then let me explain it one more way, using the word handicapped. Lets say you have a family member who is very handicapped mentally and it frustrates you that everyone pitches in to take care of this persons needs including the fact you are expected to but your expectations are that if the person can do certain simple, limited things, they should be able to change and learn often to get through high school or college, only that it might take more time and some tutoring. Your grandma can't help it now, she's set in her ways, and in a way I see it as being handicapped mentally. You just can't expect the kind of changes and acceptence in her as if she were in her 20s or 30s. I see problems like this for many from older eras. They can't adapt to change. They have never used a computer or a cell phone. I am 60 snd there were rotary phones where you spinned the dial, the more modern phones and eventually cell phones. Computers started coming out long after I graduated high school. But I was young enough to still learn to use them and cell phones and adapt.
If grandma lives with your mom, then you can hardly avoid her. If she lives on her own, then limit time of visiting her. I assume your Mom is accepting of your wife. At least you have your own parent supporting you.
I know it may be hard but look at this as a way to grow yourself, and no matter what she spouts, don't let what she says hurt you or get to you. Let her make her comments and do not react to them or respond in some way. It isn't your job to make her see reason and that times have changed.
I have experience with an unreasonable person, my ex. He was verbally abusive and always trying to bait me into an argument, so I learned to stop responding to any comments, not even to defend myself. Anything I said was only putting fuel on a fire. I can't say what grandma will say next time but if she says, 'boys don't wear makeup' and you and your wife say nothing, she cant start arguing or trying to 'correct you' by basing that assumption on what she knows from her past. She is still applying the recipe for what a male or female are gender wise, and sexual preferance wise, to the past. I know its ludicrous, totally crazy, like trying to work on a Ford car from 2015 using a repair manual from 1975 or later, it just won't work. Cars have changed over time, even becoming computerized. It won't be easy and I will admit that just hearing the kinds of things she says is stressful and can affect you if you are living under the same roof with her and hearing that crap day in day out. After 30 years with my ex, the stress had taken its effect on my body with many stress related illnesses, headaches, migraines, stomach ulcers, full body rashes. This happened the last ten years with him although the headaches and migraines were there from the start.
I fully believe if I hadn't left, I would be dead by now. If you can limit how much or often you see grandma and limit the time of visits, then do so for your health sake, not because you are upset at how she can't seem to accept your life choices. I don't know what your Mom is saying but I will guess deep down, she realizes this isn't something to dig in your heels about and try to make a stand. She is a product of outdated, very backward times. So if she's living in the past, she will never apologize because of course she assumes she is right. Its too late to change her mind. So don't let the fact she never apologizes, get to you. I had three family members, Mom Dad and one sister at separate times make a false assumption and get angry with me and quit talking to me, some for 6 months, and one up to nearly a year. I always kept the bridge open, I never burned it, making it impossible for them to ever get back in contact if they wished. My parents are gone but I had many good years after they cut me off for a while and not a one ever apologized. I wisely never brought it up. I did ask my sister a year ago if she remembered ever getting mad at me and stopping communications with me for months on end. She looked confused, "I don't remember that ever happening. Are you really serious and not making this up?" She didn't even remember. What hurt me at the time, is so insignificant to her? Yup, thats the way life goes sometimes. Grandma may actually hurt both your feelings, but she won't see it as big as a deal as you are feeling it.
So it's up to you and your wife to both read what I wrote and decide if you both will cut her off, or when she get's unruly with you two, to either cut the time short and leave her presence, or even try changing the subject. Ask her about her childhood, what did she do to earn money as a kid, does she remember childhood friends, did she have pets, get her talking of herself and hopefully that will help to get her mind off the two of you.

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I was very tired last night, went to bed, but when I first woke up, I literally couldn't see a thing.

I then went back to sleep for a bit longer, and when I woke up, my vision was back to normal.

Why couldn't I see one thing? This has never happened before.

I'm hoping this was just some sort of weird dream, but have my doubts.

Your eyes are not something to hear stories on line and wonder if thats your issue. Your sight is precious. I am near sighted, have slight double vision and the start of cataracts. Despite how bad mine is, I am thankful as it could be worse, like being blind.
So I hope you get yourself a thorough physical with your doctor and eye doctor. I am no expect but since you had sight later, my guess is it isn't a problem related just to the eyes. Something else could be wrong that is just starting and may affect vision periodically. Tell your Dr. and see what else they think should be checked out. Even if they tell you to wait until it happens again, you need to talk to them.

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i recently broke up w a boy i met from my other friends.it was working & all just we haven’t spoken in a few days & he barely knew anything abt me. i broke up & left him blank , didn’t apologize & we’re kinda friends now & im feeling guilty & such a bad person. (i’m 13 & a female)

You are feeling guilty because you know if it happened to you, how you would feel with a break up from a guy and him not explaining.

If by leaving him blank, you mean not explaining why, then it sounds like you may not even know why you did it. You certainly did not have any complaints about him written here. All you said was 'it was working well and all', which to me sounds like a friendship was there but if I am guessing right, the only thing missing for you was feeling the romance, the excitement of your heart and stomach doing somersaults. I understand you are just 13 but your teen years are the time to learn all this stuff so that in ten years or so, you are ready to make the very best decision in choosing a guy whether to live with long term or marry.
So I will share something that I think may be the issue here. The most rewarding, successful relationships have two things as their foundation, one is being each others best friend and the other is having the romance felt on both sides, not just one person only. Many adults are married to a person who is the best sex partner but not their friend and so they fight all the time. The other is being married to a best friend but lacking the romance and so one or both go looking for affairs. The thing is to find both in one person and most of us are not lucky to find such a person early on. If you don't feel that 'spark' with him, but feel like friends, then that is a valid reason to not be dating partners. You just may not have known it. Now that you do know about this, if this is the something you couldn't put a finger on to explain to him, you can explain to him that you did not feel the needed 'chemistry' with him to be a girlfriend, but you are fine being just friends. I can't say young males understand the word but It worked after my divorce til I found my second husband. If I didn't feel that spark with a guy, I told him I didn't feel chemistry and not a single guy protested that answer. Why? Because they feel the same thing and don't want to date a gal they don't feel the same thing for. Some times, only one believes they feel chemistry, but that isn't what it is because for there to be chemistry, no matter how much you admire a guy but he doesn't in return, or he admires you but you don't like him back, Chemistry can only happen when two things cause a reaction together as in real chemistry classes and that is why the word is the best explanation.

If that was not the reason, there may be another valid reason that you are yet unaware of but your young womans intuition bothered you that something is not right. If you are honest with yourself and there was no reason at all then you may not want to agree to a commitment to be a guys girlfriend until ready. In the meanwhile, you could agree to go out with him but you are making no promise to be exclusive, meaning only with him and that way you are free to go out with any guy who seems interesting to you. This isn't actually strange and can work. I did this with men I dated after a divorce and they understood very well. It would seem that more guys than not, actually approach relationships this way, they are not ready to make a commitment to one girl until they have had a chance to check out many different gals and decide for themselves which one is best for them. Girls should be doing the same, especially at this age where you haven't experienced enough personality types, good things and bad character traits to form up an idea of what kind of guy you want to be with someday long term.

An apology is in order, whether he accepts it or not is his problem but you want to make sure you are doing the right thing for yourself and even better, learning from your situation.

I suppose I should cover other reason why a guy might not be right for you and will draw off my own experiences.

I am very talkative and social. So if I met a guy who was quiet and a loner, it would not work. I need to have a person who communicates and does it well to be even interested and to remain interested. There is nothing wrong with either way of being, those are just differing personality types. The only problem is trying to match the two together in a relationship, like putting oil and water in the same bottle and shaking it up to get it to mix but it never will. So if there are some glaring differences in a personality trait that you realize you can not live with, that is a good reason to break up and move on. Dating has two purposes dear, the first for everyone is to explore and learn about the person of interest. Young people sometimes aren't ready for this, to ask enough or want to hang out enough to learn what they are like not just at school but on weekends, at home, etc.

Hobbies, interests and moral beliefs need to be close. Lets say I am athletic, watch what I eat and he is not athletic, and eats crap, that worried me about one guy I met since we are talking older adult, he ate greasy food each time we went out and I finally asked him if he was concerned about his health. He said no, If he dies early, thats okay, he just wants to enjoy the little time he had eating anything he wanted. I did not like that attitude and was not ready to commit the rest of my life to a guy who could die of heart attack in the next couple years. Another difference might be you are tender hearted and caring about all kinds of animals, whereas he is mean to them and thinks trophy hunting is a great thing, then there is no compromise that can be made with such a couple, it wont work.

There are many things that there can't be compromises on. If one is so engrained in a religious belief they feel any partner must and will convert, then something is wrong. Either both are okay with their partner having different beliefs ans support them by allowing them to go to whatever religious service as long as you can go to your own or none. When older, a woman should know ahead if a guy likes kids or not and if willing to have any of his own. If she wants kids and he does not, there is no compromise such as half a kid or rent a kid where you have one for small bits of time. There is so much I could share with you but I will trust that if you come up on another problem or something unsure about, that you will ask either myself or an adult you trust. No, you can't trust your peers to know any better as they are in the same boat as you. No matter how much dating they have done, they do not have the perspective that a fully finished growing adult brain of age 25 or older has. ITs a real thing, the frontal lobe which is for making good judgement calls and decisions doesnt finish growing until around age 25. Look it up on line.

So first, decide what differences there are or lack of chemistry and explain it to him and let him know you couldn't explain it earliler to him as you weren't sure yourself until now. That is a perfectly sound reason for the delay and true to life for many people. Good luck hon.

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So I followed your advice and talked to him and told I don't drink because alcohol does not agree with me and I do stupid things when I get drunk and don't want to humiliate myself in front of anyone by drinking if it is served there so now we have a change of plans and going out for coffee instead.

Glad to hear that. Wishing you all the best.

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I steel feel hopless after fining high school
am not sure how to take the next step to the future
I just want to know how I will take the next step

Well, first off, you are entering adulthood and that means you don't have parents who will be around forever to take care of you. All cares are financially based. You need money to rent a place or by a house, to buy a car and take care of maintenance, and buy gas, you need money to have food to eat, for personal care products, for all kinds of insurance and the list goes on. Everything costs money. So you have to think about getting a job that will earn you enough money to keep you comfortable. Most people work only because they have to and hate their jobs. It isn't often a person has a hobby, talent that ends up being their job and that they therefore love. It is even less likely that a person right out of high school knows what job they are best suited for or have something they really like doing for fun that ends up being a paying job. An example might be a person whose favorite pastime was scuba diving, so that person takes some diving classes, learns about hazards, do's and don'ts and then becomes an instructor and later after some experience in field and with a great work history, they may get a job doing a job where exploration diving for a company is a high paid job. This doesn't automatically happen right after high school but evolves over a decade or two into a high paid job where you like what you do. For most, its doing a job just to earn money and still doing the hobby on the side for fun or as a part time business. Lets say you take a job as a person doing taxes for people or as a grocery cashier. On the side you liked walking peoples dogs, volunteering time in pet shelters, you learn all you need about dogs and then you start raising the kind with pedigrees where you can earn money on the side for something you like, but not enough to make it an income source you could live on.

These are all ways people manage work, income and still doing something they like. I know a person right out of high school who went to college and ten year later was still in college because they had changed their degree 5 times. It might have been more but I lost contact with them. It is better to take your general college courses part time while starting a job and waiting until you are a bit older to decide what you want to do. the only thing that has risen 400 hundred fold in cost is college tuition. What cost ten grand for your grandparents would now easily cost 80 grand or more. And yet no one blinks an eye or protests. So think hard before going into such debt. You really have to love the idea of being a lawyer or a brain surgeon to get into that kind of debt. There is a skills gap according to Mike Rowe of Dirty Jobs fame. All the employers he spoke to in all those blue collar jobs said it was hard to find anyone with the skills to hire. the reason is that most kids are pushed toward a college and degree that comes with great debt that they are unable to pay off and worse yet, unable to find a job for the degree they have. Both my oldest and my 2nd husbands oldest child got degrees and neither has been able to get a job in the degree they had. One is medical field, the other CG, computer graphics, and both are fields you are told are booming and expanding and there are plenty of job opportunities, but that is not so.

If you want to think about college, think of going to a trades college, learning a trade. I have a sister who did welding until she finally married. So whether a guy or gal, you can get jobs. Mike Rowe talked to a young man working in cold N Dakota, he worked on machinery, repair I am guessing, but he earned over $100. an hour and worked only when he wanted to, bought his house with cash and has enough to take care of his family. I don't know of any one who hadn't won a big lottery who could outright buy a house fully paid for in total. If you wish, you can hear Mikes perspctive on the job skills gap or look up MikeRoweWorks Foundation where they help those who want to learn about blue collar jobs, or are ready to make a commitment to learning a trade, to sign up for a possible tuition to a trade school. You can do the search yourself on youtube to hear him talk about this subject and high cost of college or check out this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzKzu86Agg0

After that, it is more of deciding what you want as far as remaining single or marrying, and having kids, what small things you can do in your own sphere of influence, even though it may be too small to effect change in a world with many troubles, but looking at it this way, How does the elephant eat a cookie, its' one bite at a time. As big as an elephant is, it does eat an entire object in one gulp. And neither do we, no matter if talking of food or world issues. What ever injustice or thing ignored or lack of available help for a particular issue or type of person, find a way to start there. To get idea's, Mike Rowe also has several years of a short show called Returning the Favor on Facebook. This shows people doing what they can in their communities to make a difference for the better. Any age can help. A teen out of high school came up with and created a better way to offer a food bank, making it look more like a clean neat supermarket rather than half rotten food so people who must use a foodbank don't feel less than human. Many are Moms, veterans or the retired and elderly who start up a service and most are all based on donations, None of these people are independently wealthy. This is what weighs most on peoples minds these day, having a job and being able to pay all their bills and how to make a small change in the world.

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I'm 14. I was released from juvie a few months back. While I was in there, one of the older guys forced me to have sex with him. I don't know if I can tell anyone. It's so fucking embarrassing to admit that someone made me his bitch. I'm also scared that no one will believe me or if they do that they'll say that's what happens when you go to jail. So now I don't know what to fucking do.

You will have to find a way to get over your embarassment because that was a traumatic experience and keeping quiet will not make it go away. Like getting a cut or scrape and not cleaning it out and applying a healing ointment, just slapping on a bandage, in your case, a bandage of silence, such a cut or scrape will only become infected, the poison festering and the whole area spreading poison to surrounding tissue.

People with traumatic experiences of any kind, not just soldiers, can start having PTSD. If not quite that, you are affected in other ways. Just the memories of it, are poison enough to affect your life. I can't say for sure what areas will be affected but one can be having a normal sex life, YOu could develop fears of being intimate with someone in that way, or worse, even though you know its wrong, you start abusing someone else in sex. There are statistics that abused children grow up to abuse their own children someday themselves. It twists and warps your mind in ways you don't even suspect until facing a cerain situation, especially if it happens while you are younger, like say before age 25, before the time your brain is fully done growing.

By the way, the pre frontal lobe is often the reason people make bad decisions and judgement errors and get into trouble when they are young, it is due to this part of the brain not being fully mature yet so that can explain why you were doing something that landed you in juvie. I can see how you wouldnt want to discuss this with a Mom. But you could talk to Dad. Parents are still responsible for you and the best at doing whatever must be done to help correct what has happened. If theres no Dad or you're adopted or your parents are on drugs or in jail themselves, of course you can't rely on help from them. I would suggest talking to a school counselor and letting them know you want to see a psychologist but to have one that really helps you to deal with the experience and learn ways to overcome it, you don't want a Dr. who is not trained in CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy. If I were you, I'd insist on it. There are many of them today but the majority still hand out meds, which is not helaling the person emotionally but slapping on a bandage so it continues to fester.

Yes, there are some very twisted bad people in jail so if such a thing were to happen to a person, its more likely to happen there than anywhere else. It doesn't mean you should have to forget about it and just believe that you deserved this because you went to juvie. You did not deserve this. Love and understanding is what will help most people in your shoes to move through it, get healing and end up having a happy productive life, no matter what your past. Don't allow the emotional wounds to fester because you will only display worse problems and its possible to have mental problems not mental illness, crop up because you never dealt with your issue in the proper way. It's more embarrassing to you because of your age. All people in teens or early twenties tend to get easily embarrassed aboout sex or personal issues when there really shouldn't be. I once could not even speak the word 'sex' or write it without stumbling over the word or simply refusing to say it. In time, a healthy person gets over it and is not embarrassed by such things. In your case, I can't say if you will ever come to that spot of not being embarrassed in the future. You may feel like this the rest of your life. People who refuse to get help but still have to live with the trauma 24/7, month after month, year after year, also tend to be candidates for being so miserable they end their life. that is no reason to do so when there is another path.

Frankly, the Juvie Hall that had you, needs to know who did this to you, come up with better monitoring of minors in their care, and the one who did this to you, slapped with another sentence for attacking you.

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Hello there, I'm a female American high school student, and like most Americans, college is financially stressful to even just think about. I have great grades, a great track record, great school participation, and pretty much everything that should set me up to be an attractive applicant for colleges-everything except money, that is. It's pretty annoying to have to think about, but it's the truth. Obviously, scholarships are a thing and I am going to aim for it, it seems like even the cheap schools are an arm and a leg.

But this is all stuff I'll have to deal with. Another thing I'm worried about is being able to fit in, being able to enjoy campus life. To be clear, me going to college would be a first on both sides of my family. I lived in cheap apartment my whole life where we were pretty much staying on the mercy of our landlord letting us pay rent late, grew up around drugs, whenever we had what we needed it was due to questionably legal bullshit artistry on behalf of my parents-that type of stuff.

Ideally, I'd get a full ride scholarship. If that happened, I'm just worried about being socially isolated and stuff, or just not being able to afford hanging out with other students. Currently with high school, because I don't fit the stereotype for poor kids (stoner, trouble maker, not smart, etc) it leaves me in a weird place where I'm bougie to the poor kids and ghetto to the rich ones. I wonder if that would repeat itself, or if it would be worse.

Not gonna lie on here, I've deeply considered sugar dating for my college years in order to have fun. I'm a lesbian, I've only ever heard about it happening to straight ladies and gay guys with old men, though there's enough people in the world. Even if it's a college girl and not an older woman.

Am I worried over nothing? What's it like being the poor kid on campus?

I can't answer all your questions, but I can put a bug in your ear about a possibility you haven't mentioned, a trade college. Those are not as expensive and there is a great shortage of workers in blue collar fields who can earn great money compared to both my daughter and second husbands daughter who both got degrees in fields you're told are booming, one as a doctor assistant and the other as a CG artist, computer graphics which is hireable for the flood of animated films that keep coming up and are popular. Neither one has found a full time job in their field almost a decade later. The one with medical training, never got a job in that field. She's worked Walmart type jobs, cashiering or loading dock. The one worked daycare doing nothing but changing dirty diapers all day long. Finally talked a tattoo artist into letting her create designs for him to tattoo. Its only in the last year she got a job very part time doing something with computer graphics and the rest of the time working as an apprentice in tattoo work, nothing to do with CG.

College is important but not at the cost of running into lifetime debt because of it. Imagine paying off a college debt and never having worked in your degree. I was appalled at reading an article of a woman in her forties who was in health care, high up, but she was still paying off the last of her college tuition, living like a poor person, driving an old junker and living in run down apartments because she could not afford more if she was also paying on her student loan.

The person who can put this best into perspective and is much more eloquent and informative in his speech is Mike Rowe who created Mike Rowe Works, a foundation that gives out scholarships to help people get into blue collar jobs. I have one of his interviews to share with you. Its long but all of it is very important. I was shocked to hear of a guy he met in N. Dakota who with his blue collar job working with machinery, earns over $100. an hour and was able to buy his house with cash and take care of all needs of his family. Not all may end up that much earned or homes paid for cash depending where in the country you are living or choose to move to for a job, but such things are more possible without high debt.

Here is the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzKzu86Agg0
and have a shorter interview by Fox business News with Mike going over the same thing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v14qz8qElWY

The cost of a college degree has risen so much faster and gone so much higher than even health care. Something is out of balance. So research carefully and do the math for yourself. Don't accept what someone is paid to tell you about how many jobs there are out there for fancy white collar jobs. He worked many years doing the show "Dirty Jobs" and all employers told him they can't find enough people to hire who had any training for their jobs. There has been a lack of employable people for so long that if you have a blue collar degree, You won't be hunting to squeese hopefully into one job that is your only chance, but you will instead have the choice out of many employers of whom you decide to work for. And I have a feeling that if one employer was crappy, you won't have to stay like others desperate to be employed, but you can leave and easily have a new job in weeks if not a few days.

It is something to consider. As for how college kids think of others, assumptions they come to, well they will still be as bad as grade school, middle school or high school because the frontal lobe of the brain responsible for being able to make good decisions, make good judgements and see ahead to possible outcomes of any action or words, well, its just not done growing, not mature until around the mid twenties as scientists have proved in teats done. If you don't believe that one, you can look up 'frontal lobe in teens' and read it for yourself.

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I am a 30 year old female and I have a date next Tuesday. We are going to the local pool hall to play pool. I am so nervous because I have never played pool and don't know , but that's what he suggested. I am also nervous because my friends say there might be alcohol there and I quit drinking 5 years ago because I don't handle alcohol well and what if he wants to buy me a drink should I just turn it down. I don't want to be rude. I also don't know what to wear to a pool hall. I don't to go over dressed or to casual either. What should I wear ?

You have many issues here to deal with so I will take them as you mentioned them.You are going to a pool hall and there is nothing wrong with going with someone to play pool, even if you haven't played before. The first issue is that you feel nervous. In this case, because of things you explained, the nervousness is doing it's job, acting like a warning light on the dashboard on your car just before it quits working, gas too low, oil to low, car is overheating, something wrong with an unknown part.
You are not nervous only. You also feel nervous because you don't know if alcohol is served there and you quit drinking 5 years ago. Your nervousness is telling you to not just go along with this plan and not knowing details, and possibly arranging a change of plans. Your friends are right that there might be alcohol served there. I have never been to a place that is a venue of only pool tables and no refreshments. I have seen most pool tables in bars where of course alcohol is served or the pool tables are in an annexed room to a bar or restaurant. You know you don't handle alcohol well and want to know if you should turn down a drink? Does this mean that you are considering accepting it without explanation? If you are a former alcoholic, and you go to AA meetings, then you would know you are already doing two things wrong. You are considering going into an environment that serves alcohol and two, you are considering drinking if offered one. Wrong wrong wrong!

So I am guessing you are very concerned about image and too afraid of what it will do to your image by attending AA meetings? Or how about telling this guy that you are a recovering alcoholic and need to know if alcohol is served there and if it is, letting him know you won't go there. Also let him know if he offers you alcohol in any other place, you don't want it either but you don't want to even be tempted simply because he is drinking in your presence. This is stuff he needs to know. Turning down alcohol is such a situation is not rude. If you do not explain beforehand, he might wonder and maybe, just maybe, eventually after many such No's from you, assume you are being rude when he just didn't have the full story becauseyou omitted the truth.

Before we go on to what to wear, I will go back to something else that stuck out and made me react. I don't know if he asked you if you'd like to go to play pool on a date, or if he told you that he was taking you to a pool hall without leaving a chance for you to choose. No matter which way he did it, you did say 'but that's what he suggested'. Did you have a counter suggestion? I'll bet you were too afraid to jeopardize having him take you out. You are more willing to assume that playing pool is sooo important to him that if you said no to pool, that he'd lose interest in you right away.
I've been there, but that was only in my teens, I've grown in experience and confidence since then. If it truly was just a suggestion, then you may have been overthinking it when you should have spoken up. Something people do is try to be their very best, best foot forward, hide a past you are not proud of, etc all to impress someone. In fact, we unwittingly set up a whole false persona to hide things about ourselves. After a bad first marriage, an abusive one, I knew what the warning signs looked like and met several guys that seemed real nice but no one can keep up a false persona, or hide something forever. Eventually, we get too comfortable and forget, and simply show our real selves before we even know we're doing it. So it is best to be real, from the start rather than him find out later that you have had a drinking problem in the past. Just think of the impression you will make on him or anyone if you say nothing and when they find out later, the impression you give is that you can't be truthful so you can't be trusted, or that you have any extremely low self esteem. This is much worse than being upfront in the beginning. If by chance you tell this guy and he leaves you, then its not a bad thing, its a good thing, because he may be looking for a drinking buddy for one thing, might be an alcoholic himself, or have unreasonable expectations if he can't accept that everyone has a past, past failures, past relationships, etc... and some one that rigid does not make a good bf or husband. So its' best that you find out in the beginning, rather than later when your heart might be invested. After a divorce, I didn't allow my heart to assume one guy was the one for me for rest of life until I had watched him closely and scrutinized his every behavior and taken notes of all good traits and irritating ones. And waited to see if he was consistent. One such nice guy got too comfortable. He was friendly and sweet until the night I was invited to his house where he made dinner. The moment I stepped into his spotless house, he complained about how messy it was and said it was because his hispanic maid was the culprit and he called this person all sorts of terrible names and racial slurs. Frankly, it scared me to see his true self he'd allowed to sneak out. So I ate dinner as if nothing was wrong and on his next phone call told him that although I had given it a long good try, I just wasn't feeling the chemistry with him. Never say the truth, the one time I did, I got hate calls for several days after. I shared that to let you know that I know what I am talking about. You don't want someone who will turn on you later into some character you don't like or who is harmful to you.

This is why I stress it is best to have the balls to be outspoken, taking more control of the situation especially in dating. Women don't need for a guy to chose to ask them out first, women can make the first move. It is not the 50s anymore. You don't have to go along with everything a guy says or suggests. Your opinion matters and if he doesn't like you to have an opinion and thinks the world revolves around him only, then he is a control freak and the type of man who can easily become very abusive. No little girl when asked what she wants to be when she grows up, says she wants to be controlled by a man, treated worse than garbage or abused verbally or physically and yet most will allow that to happen. Most girls say they want to grow up to be a princess. Well, we can't all be of royal blood, but we can date and marry a man who will treat us like a princess and i don't mean by a showering of expensive gifts. I mean by how a guy treats you. All this and way way more is what you need to learn before you will be ready to date successfully and actually be happy. The least of your concerns is over what to wear.

I am not even certain that question applies if you are going to be honest and tell him now, long before Tuesday, that you are a recovering alcoholic and if the place serves alcohol, you need to switch the date to somewhere else because otherwise you'd be placing yourself in a tempting situation. While at it, you might ask his drinking habits. Does he drink often socially or rarely. If he sticks with you, is he willing to not drink in your presence? Or better yet, not at all? Not everyone is perfectly right for each other based on many things, some of them from our past. When I went online dating, in my profile I put criteria a guy had to be able to meet to be able to date me, and one was that he be a non smoker. this is the same as saying you wont date a person who drinks alcohol. I did not want some guy to want to have to try to quit smoking just to be with me, that's not what I was asking. If I was to give in on my criteria and believe me, many guys tried to get me to lower my standards, then I would be the one having to live with and settle for less in a man and I know I would not have been happy. I didn't budge on what I wanted. End result, I met and married a wonderful man who is everything I wanted. Sounds like a fairy tale but I had period of time where i got frustrated waiting as it took a year before he finally wrote me on line and another week to meet in person.

I can honestly tell you I never worried about what to wear when I met my second husband. If didn't go in stained shirt and torn up jeans, but jeans and a top. If he wasn't impressed with me and who I was inside, I wasn't interested. Why dress up and doing hair and makeup not your every day look, and take the chance a guy expects you'll look like that 24/7 when you really don't. You don't want to attract a guy who is into looks only. I understand dressing correctly for where you are going but I expect there is more than that on your mind so I figured I'd share this too.

For pool, it's casual wear although if its a pool table room annexed to a restaurant as it was once for me, after dinner, some people who were dressed up a bit, but not formal, did drift over to the pool tables. Keep in mind you are bent over the edge of the pool table so anything too short may hike up and show too much. Any loose tops with a plunging neckline could gape open too much and show more than you want to not just him but any other guy in the vicinity. I'd say those would be your only concerns. So jeans and a clingy form fitting top, no loose hanging sleeves to drag a ball from its spot, is a good idea. If you have hair that falls in your face when you have your head bent down, would mean using something to keep it back or bring it along in purse in case you wind up needing it. The man sounds reasonable if he is taking you somewhere public but not considered romantic for a first date. It would imply he is thinking of your feelings, not wanting to make you feel awkward wondering if he's going to pounce on you. He may not be one to move fast, and likes rather to have plenty of time to get to know the female first. I am just guessing and this may not be true. But I can tell you one thing very important to the success of any relationship, and that is talking, communicating both ways, not one doing all the talk and planning and arranging and the one simply following and never giving input.

So first off, Call the guy and tell him what you haven't done yet, talk about your problems with alcohol and how it changes you and you must avoid it. Second, tell him that you do not know how to play pool and you never have tried, not even once so it depends on whether he is willing to teach you. You play for fun. I miss as many shots as I get ones right. I rarely win, but I find it fun to play, no matter what. You don't know if he plays all the time and wins and plays in tournaments or if he simply plays for fun sometimes and it was only a suggestion but not important that you go there. So ask and find out. While at it, you can ask him what most people wear to that place if you wish. If you can't be forward enough to talk to him and discuss this, you are not ready for a relationship. YOu need to be able to communicate in many areas of life, not just for a date, so if you don't learn how to offer up your opinion or other important info one needs to hear, that can also affect your entire adult life. I have seen a person wait ten minutes after getting her coffee but without a lid while I was waiting outside to give her a ride. When I went inside after ten munutes, it was busy but she had received a coffee to go, only they assumed she was drinking it there, no problem. I asked if she had asked anyone yet. No, she was waiting for someone to turn around and look her way. She made us late because she simply couldn't say, 'excuse me but I didn't recieve a lid. When I told her to say that, she couldn't and this was no young person, she was in her fifties. She had gone her entire adult life fearful of speaking up. You don't want that to happen to you, so start now, with this guy. If he dumps you over it, have the right mindset over that as I have explained, which is that he was nothing but a douche bag anyway and not worth dating. I met my share of them but it only took one bad impression early on and I dumped them. In most cases, if you are honest and willing to share your shortcomings, and issues with a person, it is not awkward as you might think. Everyone has their own shortcomings as well. And the impression you make when willing to share your own is that you seem like a more real person and one they feel they can be comfortable around. It is a good thing.

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I am 29 years old. I have been in a relationship for over 10 years. Every time he leaves the house without me or even if he is at work I get anxiety. He has lied to me multiple times in the past and he has a code on his phone. If i go near it he freaks out. Clearly I know something is wrong but the reason I stay is because of loneliness and fear. We have a child together and I dont have close family or friends. I dont know what to do. I have communicated with him but nothing has changed. I know I should leave but I battle between being alone and feeling alone.

Until your fears of being alone are dealt with, you will be with this samw guy in an unsatisfactory relationship. When a person is 'consistent' in living out positive traits, there is no reason to doubt or mistrust. When a person however in inconsistent, nice sometimes but mixing that up with lies and worse, then they can not be trusted to always be living out positive traits and that is why you do not trust him and you have valid reasons. In this case, you are not the problem because you mistrust him, he is the problem for not being consistent in a good way. Consistent means always the same, with out any changes. Usually if a person suffers anxiety, it is not selective, only pertaining to one thing. I used to have social anxiety and it covered everything, not just one situation. Comparing with how I live life now, free of fears and stress and lots of confidence instead, I can only say that your circumstances, are something you won't be able to change until you work on yourself first. It isn't something you can figure out on your own. I would recommend seeing a psychologist as they deal with not only mental disease but things like phobias, anxieties. And I also recommend seeing a Dr. who uses meds as a last resort and tries first to see if you can be healed by using CBT, Cognitive Behavioral therapy.

If you have no insurance, I suggest going through a web site by a psychologist who used to only give meds until he learned of CBT from his colleagues and has gone on to train new Drs in this type of treatment and created more helpful ways to deal with the mind and became an author and written books for people like you and I. The same way he writes to deal with my past anxiety, I got that info elsewhere and followed it and it healed me so I know what he does, really works. You can find that website at: https://feelinggood.com/

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So this is my first relationship and I really like this guy but, ive never been in a relationship and I feel really bad because he’s had a bunch of relationships and this is my first. so, I’m really bad at everything like kissing and being romantic and I’m super excited to be going out with him, but I’m super new to all this how do I get better and stop being so awkward about this stuff?

Theres a learning curve when ever we try something new. If he found something in you that he likes, then it won't matter to him that you haven't had psat boyfriends and therefore . . .experience. The best thing you could make to be your goal, is to learn how males think, reason and act which is totally different from how females do. You've probably seen funny posts about how men see things vs how women see things and they obvious are so totally different that they're not even in the same ball park. Let him know you want to learn how to understand males better and when ever he has questions about something you ssid or did, to ask you why and learn if its a female trait or something that is simply part of your unique personality,, just as some things will be part of his personality instead. Instead of always being afraid of him seeing your weaknesses or shortcomings, don't keep quiet and wonder what he is thinking about it. Say something that admits how you feel. I did that with my second husband when I first met him. He sounded like a college professor in his speech and that had me thinking (I was 49 at the time) that maybe I wasn't intellectual enough for him as I only graduated HS. Instead of worrying about every thing I said, wondering how he thought about it, or trying to pretend I was more knowledgeable, I told him how I felt about myself compared to him. And that was the best thing I could have done because . . . his answer was that I was perfect for him, not because I hadn't gone to college, but because he saw in me something that all the school learning in the world can't give a person, and that is Wisdom. You either have it or you don't and He said from our talks, he knew I had incredible wisdom and admired me for that. So I relaxed after that and was able to enjoy the relationship.
Also, some basics are the same in relationships but each person has their own likes so I have found that with each new boyfriend I had, I had to learn what things were specifically more important to him and could not assume or compare to the last boyfriend. If you have another boyfriend after this one, you will have to learn again what he likes in particular. Lets use kissing for an example. Lets say the current guy likes using his tongue while kissing and you assume that all guys like that. So when the next boyfriend kisses you and you use your tongue, that guy might pull away because he doesn't like it, assumes you do, and decides right there that instead of talking about it, finding out why, he just doesn't want to date you anymore because he doesn't like using tongues. It might seem a weird example but hon,j this is oh so true whether in your teens or at any age as an adult. Talking and asking questions is one of the best things you can ever do in a relationship.

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Hey guys. So I'm a 14 girl and basically there is this guy (let's call him Noah) that I've liked for a year now. In 6 grade we used to always hang out together with our other best friends(we were like a group, always together). Everything was fine. Then this year we weren't in the same class. I started noticing that I was often thinking about him and about all the good times we had spent together. It didn't take me much time to realise that I liked him and by that time he was pretty affectionate towards me. But then me and on of my bestest friends (let's call her Jane) decided to stop being friends with one of the girl in the group (let's call her Amy)because she was trying to ruin our friendship by getting in between us. So the day we told Amy about that, she was furious and she stormed off. During lunchtime I saw her hanging out was Noah and after that day he started to seem pretty distant. For a while he wouldn't even acknowledge my presence even if I said hi to him he would just pass by and totally ignore me. By that time he only had said hi to me only twice and that was only when we were alone. Some time passed and I tried talking things out but he would answer me with short answers and it was pretty obvious that he didn't want to talk to me. A few weeks later Noah started to say hi to me but now it was me who didn't want to talk to him I was pretty hurt. So every time he tried to say hi to me I'd try to do as if I didn't see him or didn't hear him but then he would say " oh wow (my name) doesn't even say hi anymore" while laughing. I just started to feel so uncomfortable when he was around. Then my birthday came around so i decided to celebrate it. I wanted to book some places for my birthday there wasn't any place so I had to book the place one day earlier ( no big deal right?) So I gave one of our mutual friend the invitation and asked him to give it to Noah as well a few days later he comes and tells me that he'll come to my birthday I was about burst out of happiness but he later made even happier. He asked me when was my actual birthday what meant that he knew that was not my actual birthday date. So it was finally my birthday I was waiting for him but he didn't come. I wanted to be sure that he wasn't late or something so I called him but he didn't answer instead he texted me saying "what is it?" so I asked him if he was coming or not and his answer obviously was no. He didn't even wish me a happy birthday or anything all I got was a "nope". After my birthday I of course had to go to school. And i met him and he said hi and didn't even apologise. I was hoping that he would apologise or at least wish me a happy birthday even if it was late. But deep down I knew that the only word that would have came out of his mouth was gonna be just a hi. Now he started following me on Instagram. I thought that I would follow him back it's been days since I a sent the request but he still hasn't approved the request. I'm starting to think that he was playing with me sometime he would interact with me but then he wouldn't even acknowledge me. I'm really lost sometimes he's so friendly and nice but sometimes he's cold as a stone. Should I just try and move on? What do you guys think. I would really appreciate your thoughts and advice.

Sounds like the guy is fairly dense in the head, and just doesnt get that what he does will effect you in positive or negative ways. And axctually, for pre teens, HS aged and early college aged, that is pretty much what you can expect and I will explain why. It really isn't the fault of the person of any of that age range up to mid twenties because of a scientific reason. The reason is that although our bodies mature at this time, a part of our brain doesn't, it is the frontal lobe of the brain which is responsible for good decision making, good reasoning and being able to see the possible effects or outcomes down the road of anything we say or do. So until he reaches his mid twenties, he may continue to be like this, not just with you but with all people and in all circumstances. Though there are some who are more mature at this age, and I was, I can remember still making some really bad decisions simply because I couldn't see anything else to do or another way to act. I wsa unfortunately handicapped as far as thinking things out is concerned.

So what you can do is not come at him and blame him and make him feel bad, and definitely do the same thing back to him, thinking it wlll teach him a lesson because, he simply will be incapable of finding the lesson. He doesn't have a clue.

What you need to do is some plain talk, very plain, to the point and heres a warning: Do not tell him that HE made you feel a certain way, that sounds like blame and will shut his mind down to being opsn to anything else you say. Instead, you can say that when he did such and such, the way you interpreted it made you feel bad, ignored, or whatever your words are. This trains him to know that his actions effected you, something he currently doesn't know. YOu can always ask questions. But stay calm and don't sound mad or like you're interrogating him, make it sound just curious. And you might apologize for ignoring him when you were upset. He needs to learn now so that once he is older, does something a female doesn't like and she unfortunately only ignores him in return, at least he will have a clue that he did something she didn't like. Yes, males need this kind of training and what they learn from watching parents or get from girls they date while young, will determine in part how great a boyfriend or husband they will make some day in the future. My 2nd husband is a good man but I have once had to tell him of something he did that I didn't like and he has never even once, ever done it again because he really cares about how anything he does affects me.

Since you noticed things changed after Amy talked to him, I would say something like, "I am thinking back to when I felt something changed. Mayve its my imagination but something felt different. It happened right after you talked to Amy one day at lunch about (mention the time frame--like 3 weeks ago) I don't know if she said something to you about me in particular that bothered you or made you feel different towards me for a while but I felt something different. I want you to know you can tell me if there really was something. I won't throw a fit or get mad. See, I really care about our friendship and I don't want any misunderstandings to come between us. So if you heard something bad, I would like to be able to tell you my story. Then you can decide for yourself who is making trouble and who is telling the truth. I would hope you know me well enough to know what to believe about me.

If he says there was nothing, then you'll have to accept that. Just make a list and stick to it when going on to tell him how you perceived some of his actions. He seemed distant (you are not saying He was distant because in truth you dont know what made him feel that way to you. Maybe a grandma died and his thoughts were all on her)

You can give other examples of things, like him not seeking you out or talking to you as often as before or only talking to you when no one else was around. And whether something felt pretty obvious to you or not, its best not to say that obviously his being short with you meant he didn't want to talk to you. That's a quick way to get him to shut down and never talk to you again.
Instead you can say, "You are normally pretty talkative and have much to say so it bothered me when suddenly you had short answers and seems distracted and didn't talk much at all. You need to know that not knowing why, made my mind race and all sorts of terrible possibilities filled my mind. (This tells him it is better to explain if he is going through a rough time personally and if you sense something, it hsa nothing to do with you, even if he can't or won't spell it out for you, not having that deep a trust or males tend to not want to bother or make a female worry and so they intentionally don't share certain things. All my boyfriends have done that, my sweet wonderful husband does that. It's a male trait that comes naturally to all males I've ever known. So part of what you will need to be doing now, is discovering what is actually a male trait and what is deliberate bad behavior. I am guessing he really has no idea that certain actions of his bothered you so much. I had a boyfriend who changed like this, very quiet, distant, even if he was with me.
He was so different, I knew I wasn't imagining it. So I asked him what was going on, that I had felt like he was being distant and all. He finally broke down and told me, with tears in his eyes, that he had thought it was better to slowly become distant than just break it off. And he quickly explained that since he was separated from his wife, she finally decide she did want to work on their marriage and now was agreeing to go to couple counseling, that he would go back to her as they had kids together. He also said that it was a painful decision as he had fallen in love with me but if things could be worked out with the wife, he knew that was his first priority. So this story is to show you that often there is a good reason why a male may become distant. In a males mind it makes sense but what they don't get is that while they think they are protecting us from the truth or bad news, they are causing another problem by not being level with us females.

I am pretty sure that most of what I am saying is behind your problems with Noah. So find a chance to talk to him. If you are still upset and angry, don't do so until you can do it with a heart that is peaceful. People may not know the details, but if you playact and fake it that you are okay, people will pick up instead on the i vibes coming from you and your heart.
)

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Ever since grade 10 math has been killing me. Even the most simple things I just don't get in the exam, even if I practiced I still fail with flying colors, and I don't mean I just get low marks Im talking about 12 out of 100 or a 5 out of 50. I don't understand why, because I understand while practicing but when I am met with the test everything just seems more complicated and harder. I am doing just fine and get A's in all the other subjects but this one. Please help me,give me advise or what not. I also tried practicing math everyday because I heard it HELPS but at the end I got a 12 out of 100. Its gotten to a point where I dont even bother practicing(even before a test) anymore because what's the point?
I'm in grade 11 now and the only reason Im passing my grades is because in my school we are only allowed to fail one subject. Only one, if it were more than 1 I would still be in grade 10.
Please help me out here , I have tried everything.

you have tried everything you say but I dont have that list so I don't know what your 'everything' entails. There may be something you didn't think of that I do. I also had trouble with math and finally became stuck when I had to take algebra. My HS at the time noticed there was at least a classroom worth of students who were failing miserably and created an algebra class for slow learners. Since that is not possible at your school, I would suggest asking the school if there are people available to do tutoring. If you have tried that, then I am sorry but I don't know what else to do. If you can do good at basics like knowing how to take a recipe and not double it but add one half to it, or when you see an item advertised as 30% off in price with only the original price posted, and you are able to figure out that amount before you get to the cash register, then you will be able to do okay in adult life but wont be good for a job that involves lots of math.

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I really don’t know what to do. My family is forcing me to play the piano and I don’t want to anymore. I’ve been playing it for 10 years now, and I’m getting fed up with it. If I ever talk to them about it, they yell at me and guilt trip me and I feel like I don’t know what to do! Please help.

If its been ten years, then my guess is that you are no longer taking lessons? Just practicing to keep up skills? I could be wrong so its hard to advise you. I dont know your age but must assume that you are a minor. Parents will sometimes want a child to learn and practice something other than basic studies, playing an instrument, singing, acting, art, a sport. What should be happening is that parents do this while keeping in mind that what they choose, a child may have no interest in, so they keep going through things. In an ideal world, your parents would know you hate piano and see if they can interest you in drumming instead or a wood wind instrument. If no instrument works out, then they move on to exposing you to other things, unless you have an interest already and share it with them. So, until you become an adult at 18 and can make choices for yourself, try to think hard of what you might have a passing interest in beyond the general studies at school. LEts aay you know you love to cook and watch cooking shows, so you would say to them, that the time you put into piano right now, you would rather put into something that interests you like cooking. You would love to take some cooking classes. I know a neighbor whose daughter took cooking classes already in HS and after that went to a culinary school when she graduated. Then when they try to make you feel guilty, remind them they are paying money to have you do something you don't even like or have any interest in and would likely drop totally once you're an adult. If they want you to get exposure to other things, then they might want to think about their hard earned money going somewhere where it will make a difference in your life. Stay calm and when they argue, tell them you are not going to debate about this, your mind is made up and stand your ground. You must have only a few years until you turn 18. Your parents do the guilt trip thing because they know it is effective with you. So in a way, you trained them without knowing it, to push harder and get you to do what they want.

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Hello, I've never really done anything like this but myself sister has used this website before and I thought I would use it for this inquiry I have. Basically I learned about the pain and suffering of animal at a young age 12 to be exact. I learned about it from the internet and became a vegetarian and soon as my mom let me which was when I was 13 or 14. Now that I'm older and have been making my own food and dont have to eat what my mom makes anymore. I realized that I was still watching videos on Veganism but still remained a vegetarian. One night I it came to me and I decided to become Vegan. It has been difficult especially when I go out with my family. I will not lie I have messed up a lot some on accident some on purpose. I can handle that. The real problem is that I'm in a school called EVIT it's a vocational school where you get to be hands on experience in the career you want to pursue. I was in culinary at my school for two years but then I saw that EVIT had a lot more to offer then my school. So I'm now currently in EVIT it is my second week and I started to cook foods. A lot of them have dairy or meat in them. Taste is one of the most important components of culinary so the fact that I cant taste things is terrible for me. No one really even knows I'm Vegan except one girl who I told when she told me to taste something. While no one might challenge me on the hypocrisy of making food with meat products in it but not eating it I do and dont know how to feel. I dont feel like I can call myself Vegan but I dont want to ruin my career because of this. I know this was a lot to read but it's what I've been thinking. Am I being selfish? I think so. Do you?

I am mostly vegetarian but when it matters, I have learned to eat some meats. I was strictly vegetarian as a child by choice from age 5 or so as I simply didn't like meat. I am now a grandmother and along the way, I have learned to like certain things like fish, chicken in very small quantities. While I don't feel it is bad to eat meats which means killing animals, I am more disturbed by the extremes they go to in raising and keeping animals cages or cramped with no freedom. Just that to let you know where I stand but I do support people wanting to be vegan. In your cased, I would have to agree with the other advice giver. I don't believe there are vegetarian or vegan schools where one can learn culinary skills so the only way to learn would be a school that cooks everything even meats. You must have seen something good about the school when you said they have a lot more to offer.

I would suggest to remember you are there for those reasons. Once you graduate, you could try to find work with a vegan or vegetarian restaurant although they are still few and far between so you may have to move to work at one. I think it would be a good thing to do because once you have some experience in working in a vegan restaurant, perhaps you might go into business with someone and open a small vegan place of your own where there isn't one currently and that would give an option to vegans to eat out and there'd be steady, dependable returning customers. You will need to be able taste foods now to know what they should taste like. My husband worked in restaurant industry when younger. He says that coming up with combinations in food that taste so good that people just don't want to stop eating, even if they are full, well, thats the kind of taste you are looking to create. I have had things like that where I am swiping the last bit of sauce off a plate or cup with my finger because it was sooo good.

To deal with the guiltiness of eating something that was once alive, you might look into what Native Americans do when they need to kill for sustenance. Before they kill, they say a prayer asking for the animal or fish of choice to come their way. They ask for the right one to come, one that isn't a mother with babies, etc. and they also thank the creature for giving up its life, even though technically it had no choice, but they did pray for the one who was willing to come and give up its life. In history, before farming, people were hunters and gatherers, eating mostly meat and berries, roots, nuts, and fish, what ever they could eat that grew naturally and didn't have to be farmed or grown on purpose. There are more humans on the planet so that doesnt work anymore. I remember going fishing and having the fish in my net and I said a prayer over it before I took it out of the water to cook later. The only moment of feeling strange was that moment. I had no trouble eating it later. You really don't have much choice as far as your training. But if there is a restaurant in your area that is even just vegetarian, it would be a terrific idea to work there part time as your school schedule allows so you are in a way learning as an apprentice the specifics of what substitutes work in recipes compared to what you have learned. Basically, you would still have to learn veggie or vegan recipes even after schooling. So another suggestion is watching you tube videos where you are told how to prepare a vegan dish, what ingrediants, and then if you make it to your taste and fiddle with amounts of ingrediants or substitute for other vegan ingrediants, you will already feel more confident and have more of the knowledge that would work at such a place. Best wishes.

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During the previous school year[8th grade] I’ve hung around a group of 5 girls+1 whose in the same boat as me but doesn’t seem to care,since last August or September 2018. Sometimes I would witness them talk about their plans with each other for the weekend or whatever. But they never even consider me, all of their parents have cars but mines doesn’t, I don’t know if that’s their excuse or they just don’t feel like we’re that close, we aren’t but we’re still friendly and talkative .But theres also another girl in the group whose mom doesn’t have a car, and they don’t invite her places either although they’ve been friends with her longer. This summer 2019 I’ve saw them hanging out with each other on instagram and can’t help but feel excluded and left out, they have a way to contact me but they don’t even try, they also make me feel as if I’m putting in more effort than them to getting to know each other.This school year should I keep a safe distance and only talk to them sometimes and hang around with other people I know more or try to still build trust and friendship with them. Another reason I ask is because it can be frustrating hanging out with them because they talk to people I don’t like or associate with.

So you have two choices: Continue to hang around them and be miserable or learn how to make and find new friends and ditch them to hang out with the people who really care about you.

Since you mentioned another girl whose family doesn't have a car being left out, I'd have to guess it's all about having parents who can take turns chauffering a car load of girls to the mall, drop off at a movie, or drop off at the beach, etc.... They don't sound as interested in a friendship as they are in what some one can do for them or provide them with. Once they are old enough to drive, it will become more obvious, even though they can now drive themselves places, the teens who own their own car, will be popular while those who don't won't be. It's Kids buying in to all the materialistic stuff they are bombarded with daily from TV, ads, friends, etc... You can't change them, all you can do is change who you choose to hang out with. I remember that age and I know it was hard for me to make friends too. I also had social anxiety back then which made it much harder but the few people I attracted were true friends who cared about me and treated me well all the time and we had fun hanging out and not getting driven places. If I as a socially anxious pre teen and teen could have a handful of friends, 4 or 5 only, but they were true friends, then I know you can do it too. Good luck

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