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guiltiness
i recently broke up w a boy i met from my other friends.it was working & all just we haven’t spoken in a few days & he barely knew anything abt me. i broke up & left him blank , didn’t apologize & we’re kinda friends now & im feeling guilty & such a bad person. (i’m 13 & a female)
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You are feeling guilty because you know if it happened to you, how you would feel with a break up from a guy and him not explaining.
If by leaving him blank, you mean not explaining why, then it sounds like you may not even know why you did it. You certainly did not have any complaints about him written here. All you said was 'it was working well and all', which to me sounds like a friendship was there but if I am guessing right, the only thing missing for you was feeling the romance, the excitement of your heart and stomach doing somersaults. I understand you are just 13 but your teen years are the time to learn all this stuff so that in ten years or so, you are ready to make the very best decision in choosing a guy whether to live with long term or marry.
So I will share something that I think may be the issue here. The most rewarding, successful relationships have two things as their foundation, one is being each others best friend and the other is having the romance felt on both sides, not just one person only. Many adults are married to a person who is the best sex partner but not their friend and so they fight all the time. The other is being married to a best friend but lacking the romance and so one or both go looking for affairs. The thing is to find both in one person and most of us are not lucky to find such a person early on. If you don't feel that 'spark' with him, but feel like friends, then that is a valid reason to not be dating partners. You just may not have known it. Now that you do know about this, if this is the something you couldn't put a finger on to explain to him, you can explain to him that you did not feel the needed 'chemistry' with him to be a girlfriend, but you are fine being just friends. I can't say young males understand the word but It worked after my divorce til I found my second husband. If I didn't feel that spark with a guy, I told him I didn't feel chemistry and not a single guy protested that answer. Why? Because they feel the same thing and don't want to date a gal they don't feel the same thing for. Some times, only one believes they feel chemistry, but that isn't what it is because for there to be chemistry, no matter how much you admire a guy but he doesn't in return, or he admires you but you don't like him back, Chemistry can only happen when two things cause a reaction together as in real chemistry classes and that is why the word is the best explanation.
If that was not the reason, there may be another valid reason that you are yet unaware of but your young womans intuition bothered you that something is not right. If you are honest with yourself and there was no reason at all then you may not want to agree to a commitment to be a guys girlfriend until ready. In the meanwhile, you could agree to go out with him but you are making no promise to be exclusive, meaning only with him and that way you are free to go out with any guy who seems interesting to you. This isn't actually strange and can work. I did this with men I dated after a divorce and they understood very well. It would seem that more guys than not, actually approach relationships this way, they are not ready to make a commitment to one girl until they have had a chance to check out many different gals and decide for themselves which one is best for them. Girls should be doing the same, especially at this age where you haven't experienced enough personality types, good things and bad character traits to form up an idea of what kind of guy you want to be with someday long term.
An apology is in order, whether he accepts it or not is his problem but you want to make sure you are doing the right thing for yourself and even better, learning from your situation.
I suppose I should cover other reason why a guy might not be right for you and will draw off my own experiences.
I am very talkative and social. So if I met a guy who was quiet and a loner, it would not work. I need to have a person who communicates and does it well to be even interested and to remain interested. There is nothing wrong with either way of being, those are just differing personality types. The only problem is trying to match the two together in a relationship, like putting oil and water in the same bottle and shaking it up to get it to mix but it never will. So if there are some glaring differences in a personality trait that you realize you can not live with, that is a good reason to break up and move on. Dating has two purposes dear, the first for everyone is to explore and learn about the person of interest. Young people sometimes aren't ready for this, to ask enough or want to hang out enough to learn what they are like not just at school but on weekends, at home, etc.
Hobbies, interests and moral beliefs need to be close. Lets say I am athletic, watch what I eat and he is not athletic, and eats crap, that worried me about one guy I met since we are talking older adult, he ate greasy food each time we went out and I finally asked him if he was concerned about his health. He said no, If he dies early, thats okay, he just wants to enjoy the little time he had eating anything he wanted. I did not like that attitude and was not ready to commit the rest of my life to a guy who could die of heart attack in the next couple years. Another difference might be you are tender hearted and caring about all kinds of animals, whereas he is mean to them and thinks trophy hunting is a great thing, then there is no compromise that can be made with such a couple, it wont work.
There are many things that there can't be compromises on. If one is so engrained in a religious belief they feel any partner must and will convert, then something is wrong. Either both are okay with their partner having different beliefs ans support them by allowing them to go to whatever religious service as long as you can go to your own or none. When older, a woman should know ahead if a guy likes kids or not and if willing to have any of his own. If she wants kids and he does not, there is no compromise such as half a kid or rent a kid where you have one for small bits of time. There is so much I could share with you but I will trust that if you come up on another problem or something unsure about, that you will ask either myself or an adult you trust. No, you can't trust your peers to know any better as they are in the same boat as you. No matter how much dating they have done, they do not have the perspective that a fully finished growing adult brain of age 25 or older has. ITs a real thing, the frontal lobe which is for making good judgement calls and decisions doesnt finish growing until around age 25. Look it up on line.
So first, decide what differences there are or lack of chemistry and explain it to him and let him know you couldn't explain it earliler to him as you weren't sure yourself until now. That is a perfectly sound reason for the delay and true to life for many people. Good luck hon.
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