Wife, mother, loyal friend to the end, model, classic car collector. almost 30 years old, and seen alot in my few years here on earth. People usually come to me for advice, and i give in return grounded, realistic answers.
Gender: Female
Location: San diego
Member Since: January 18, 2005
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Last Update: June 30, 2016
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Dragonflymagic
adviceman49
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So Me and my now ex boyfriend haven't talked for 3 days straight. I tried texting and calling and he wasn't answering so I finally went to his house tonight and confronted him. Surprisingly he answered the door and I asked if we could talk and he said he was busy and didn't wanna talk about it and slammed the door in my face. All I wanted was closure and for him to say he didn't wanna be with me. I then came home and looked at my snapchat stories and a girl I'm friends with had a snapchat story with him in it. I'm really frustrated with everything.
I'm the kind of person who likes things to end on a good note. I don't understand what I did or what's even happening. It's killing me. All I wanted was at least 5 mins of mature talking and idk what to do. Plz give advice. Thanks (link)
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Ive been through this before as a teen. Only when it happened to me it was because i wouldnt willingly have sex with the guy so he just started ignoring me and i didnt find out until years later through a friend that this was the case. I hope it wasnt the case for you.
It sounds like he might have had a list of reasons for doing what he did to you. One of them might have included what i mentioned but maybe not.
If you want any real answers talk to some of his friends after a while that are still willing to speak with you and see if hes told THEM anything about his reasons.
In the long run, its better that you discovered that he was this kind of a person sooner rather then later after youve invested a very long period of time with him. It would have made this hurt even more then it already does now.
I TOO am the kind of person that always wants things to end on an AT LEAST decent note with people, but unfortunately life isnt like that. Sometimes no matter how mice you are, no matter how much rope you give someone, they will act like this because it is in their nature and they dont know how to be any other way unless they get a slap in the reality face. You may not be able to be the person thats able to give it to them, but i can almost guarantee you that if you were nothing but nice and they decided to diss you like this then you WILL be missed later down the road when life takes a turn for the worst and they think back on you and how nice you were and how they wish they could have someone like you to turn to now.
they will regret what they did weather they want to admit it or not. In the mean time dont give him the control over your heart like this, if you are like i was, i know your probably absolutely sick about this and just hurt. Just try to remember that HE is the one that did wrong here NOT YOU. Keep telling yourself that and try to move on a little at a time. this will pass.
good luck hunny
; )
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22/f
My boy friend and I have been dating for around 4 months now.. And we are in a long distance relationship. Things have been good between us since then.
I had some important exams last week, and my schedule was pretty crazy and I couldn't talk to him much... The communication was minimal.
After my exams ended,I feel things are not the same with us.
He has an exam on the 5th so I decided to give him some space like how he did when I had my exams.
Then we had this conversation :
Him : why do we hardly text these days?
Me : you have your exams coming up and I wanted to make sure that I give you space like how you did when I had my exams.
Him : I find it extremely odd that you are giving me space when I haven't even asked for it.
Me : I will not unless you ask for it.
After this conversation, things were okay with us and we spoke like how we used to previously..
But today, he didn't text me unless I did it first and asked him how his preparations were.. He said they were okay and I asked him if he had a busy day.. He said no... I was wondering why would wouldn't he text me if he wanted more communication?
Im confused .. Am I over reacting here??
(link)
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Well it sounds like he misunderstood your meaning when you talked about giving each other space here.
you sound relatively young here so what im guessing is that he just misunderstood and thought there was "more to it" when you talked about "space" even though it was just for prepping for a test. lol. You should probably correct this before things get too awkward. ; )
youll be ok and he will probably feel a ton better if you just explain that it wasnt meant in a negitive or relationship "adjustment" kind of way and that you wanted to give him enough space to study for his test so that he would pass with flying colors! ((theres nothing wrong with you wanting whats best for him!)) and if hes a good guy he will appreciate that.
good luck.
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I lov my partner but we generally do nt understand each other.. due which we hav continues fights but we lov each other alot so what should I do (link)
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I agree, if you cant even talk to each other then there isnt much hope because if he wont listen then how is he to ever know what is going on to be able to work on it.
If you both dont CARE enough to try to meet each other half way on this or TRY to understand each other then theres just no point in being together anymore. Your not "meant for each other" and for you own sanity you need to let him go. Things like this can cause years of heartache and frustration when you stay with someone long term that your not really happy with.
Dont short change yourself, you can do better and you deserve someone who WANTS the same things you do, like understanding.
good luck.
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So I am in my late 20s, i'm a little overweight, partly due to some medication I am on. My doctor says this is normal. I am able to run, walk long distances without puking, passing out etc. Every year when I get my physical and bloodwork done, everything comes back perfect.
My mother treats me like I weigh 600 pounds. She is constantly judging what I eat and making comments about it. I am at the point where I feel extremely uncomfortable eating around her or going out with her. I am comfortable in my own skin but she obviously despises how I look, and has made some pretty nasty comments. I've told her that I'm happy with how I am but she constantly tries to make me see nutritionists or try fad diets.
How can I make her understand that what she is doing is hurtful and depressing? (link)
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Have you tried out right telling her that shes being hurtful?? sometimes people just need what i like to call "a swift kick in the pants" in order to understand that you dont need their help, your NOT totally stupid, and that youll handle your issues with your weight in your own way and in your own time.
Tell her to stop bringing it up over and over, you havent forgotten how she feels but that this is something YOU need to deal with on your own. She is more than welcome to toss in her two cents on this but its not her body or her life.
She may honestly just think shes trying to help you but if you feel this way about her then you need to make it known that you heard what she said and that you'll "take it into consideration".
You can always get together with someone else who will be a neutral part or someone cares about the both of you to help explain to her in a way she might listen to or better understand that the way shes badgering you isnt helping. if anything its hurting and could make your weight worse. Find someone shes listens to and tell them, ask them for advice about this or if they will help you talk to her about it.
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I feel like my life is one for the scales, with one great outcome comes a terrible situation, and vice versa. Lately, things have been pretty low with my boyfriend- I've noticed that every thing I accomplish, he either shrugs it off (like it's a feeble feat.) or pulls out this talk that ultimately reiterates his insecurity that "I'm going to leave him and find something better." I recently landed a great job that I'm extremely proud of, and when I told him, he mocked it and complained about all of the "new guys I'm going to meet." When I made the dean's list this semester, he told me that when I go off to a better college (I'm in community college,now) that I'm "going to meet someone better than him." This has been the biggest problem of ours since our relationship started.
We've been dating for 4 1/2 years and for most of the time, I feel like I've been molded and conditioned to believe in what he's said. He thinks that if I have guy friends, and if he has girl friends, then we are obviously being devious. I keep trying to tell him that I want to move on from this negative and debilitating aspect of what our relationship has come to be , that I want us to have healthy social relationships and meet people together, with no stress put upon me to feel like I can't meet new people, but nothing works.
He tells me that if he doesn't worry about things like that, then that also means he wouldn't care about me.
I don't want to hurt his feelings, but this insecurity he has of me meeting new people is making my outlook on meeting new people - sour. I really don't have much friends, due to burnt bridges (from this exact reason in our relationship) - and now that I'm finally trying to have a productive social life- he steps in once again, hammering these words into me, it makes me feel guilty just talking to my new co-workers at all. Especially the men. I know I'm doing nothing wrong, but this lack of social activity because of my care for my boyfriends feelings is making me feel- alienated.
I have a clean slate in our relationship, I'm very loyal and have never intended to make my boyfriend jealous with the friendships I have had. Actually, he has been the one in the past to cheat (mentally, not physically. )
Even just writing this, I feel like I am writing in defense, because I am just so used to assuring my boyfriend that nothing would ever happen in regards to me and my guy friends, or going out with my friends alone. But he continues to stifle me, to the point where I in turn end up doing exactly what he doesn't want me to do- Which is, hanging out with my friends alone.. The thing is, everything would be fine if he was open minded. But since he doesn't want me to make friends in the first place- when I do make friends, I feel like I can't tell him, or I can't tell him that I made plans to hangout with them. This set's the cycle going, because he is creating a wedge between my social life and him- and I feel terrible, but I also feel like this is all very unfair to me.
On top of this, every time we go somewhere and I do know someone, I will never hear the end of it.
For example, the other night we had gone to his friends house to hangout.When we got there, a guy friend I had known from middle school was there. I had happily reunited with this friend, because we hadn't seen each other in ages. A couple of days later - my boyfriend starts asking me all of these nonsense questions; along the lines of "Did you ever date him?" or accusations like "I bet you had a "thing" with him and just aren't telling me"
Another example is when I want to hang out with my guy friends that are gay. One would think, as narrow-minded as I have to put it for my boyfriend, that at the very least, he wouldn't mind me hanging out with a guy that also happens to be gay. But it's the complete opposite. He hates all of my gay guy friends(the ones I used to have, and the ones I have recently made) , because he thinks that I'm "going to undress in front of them and let them touch me" --
Yes- these conversations are THAT ridiculous.
It's just so acidic and hurt my feelings when he talks like this.It also makes me feel very uncomfortable- like he's perverting all of my friendships and interactions. It gets me very angry because I know that it's not like that, but they way he sees it is just so screwed up, that I feel bewildered and like I had done something wrong to make him think that way. If it wasn't so often, I would understand. But it is literally, almost every day. It's like he views the freedom of having friends (mainly of the opposite sex) as basically "seeing other people." --Which in turn, makes me question what values he holds in the relationships he has with women (and if I, in retrospect, should be the worried one because of this)
At the end of it all-
Somehow, his "caring" message doesn't translate to me, he is hurting rather than caring, and I can't fathom his logic in any sense. Should I be the one worried, is he possibly making me feel guilty for something he can't fess up to? I really need help trying to get my point across, trying to figure out what his deal is, and basically just any tips/tactics/ pointers you guys can throw at me for dealing with this.
I want to have my social life and friendship blanket again, and I'm trying to rebuild the confidence that I had lost (I mostly feel really alienated and awkward around new people as a result of this relationship, which I have been working hard at to change. --I'm usually pretty outgoing, but when I'm around him it's like I shy right back up because I feel slightly threatened by his outlook of me ) I feel like I cannot move forward in this aspect of my life, while my relationship is like this.
Thanks for your time, sorry for the length (link)
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WOW, he is OBVIOUSLY a very insecure person if he thinks that you even speaking with others will result in you running off with someone else.
That would be an absolute breaking point for me.
Your partner should encourage you in life and want you to do whatever it is that makes you happy and betters your life with him, but it seems hes doing the complete opposite.
Ive lost friends because of things like this. Ive had good friends who told me they would never put a guy above our childhood 12+ year friendship and the BOOM they meet, start dating, and before i know it, their gone. Not that i am the kind of person that wants to spend every single day with my friends cause i have a young one and a husband myself, but what you have going on is just ridiculous. Your man sounds like he is insanely jealous and insecure of everyone around him because he knows he has big issues and you being around "normal" people or others might give you the comparison to you need to see that and then make up your own mind about him.
He also makes fun of you and ridicules your school stuff because your making something of your life and hes not or feels your really going places and are headed for success. (typical person feeling threatened thing)
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I'm a teenage female...I masterbate but I never actually reach an orgamsim how should I masterbate (link)
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Buy a dildo or have someone buy some for you. also you can have an older friend buy you a vibrator that you can insert and use that.
theres two different ways that females can reach orgasm. ones through the G spot inside your vagina and one is through the clitoris.
some girls need both at the same time and some can reach orgasm with one or the other.
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My cousin and her family have stopped talking to me and my family. We were very close and used to see each other every weekend. We have approached them and asked them whats the matter. And even offered to apologize if we have done anything wrong, but they do not want to discuss nothing and have just scrapped us out of their lives. Not sure on how to handle this situation??? (link)
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Give them some time, they may come back after a while. There could be other reasons that actually have nothing to do with you and your personally that are creating this issue.
I agree with the other poster, create your own family if your blood one isnt working out.
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I need to lose weight as I am overweight, I am 200 pounds. The main problem is I cannot exercise. If I go on a treadmill or other gym equipment I get bored after five minutes and get off. What are some other tips to maybe lose weight (link)
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I agree with the previous poster, watch your calorie intake more, choose foods that are as LOW in calories as possible.
If you cant walk, then try swimming in a pool! its alot easier on your joints, you can go to any YMCA and pay maybe 100 to stay in the pool all day! ; )
cut out white bread, white sugar, eat whole wheat, drink more water to flush the toxic junk out, try to walk your dog more, or sweep your whole front yard, or listen to music while you do anything. That helps people keep going for longer then they planned because their busy enjoying their favorite tunes.
go to the park and get on a swing and use all your muscles for just a few minutes to get high and then relax, and do it over again. see? theres plenty of things you can do that would be fun and get your heart rate up. You should obviously start slow and build up to whatever it is you choose to do everyday.
create a playlist of your favorite songs to work out to, if you havent already.
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Well, actually I cant trust the friends i have. I have a very close friend that gave my contact details to the person that bullied me about 2 years ago(on purpose, and yes this person knows the history between me and the girl that bullied me) because of something i didnt even do. They recently became friends so now she has my info. And now, im worried that she'll be outside my door or wait for me when i get home after class or bully me until i kill myself. Ever since i entered middle school i have been very vulnerable so i cant really face them on my own and i dont have any friends to back me up in case i encounter a situation with her. She has a lot of people on her side cause she's popular. My mom knows about this but im scared that the bully might not listen to my mom, you know feeling all mature and stuff. But yeah back to the topic, i dont know who to trust anymore. And i dont know what to do. I want to mess with her, but i dont wanna cause any more problems. I really hope you get me haha i lose my train of thought most of the times. (link)
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Well hears the thing, if you dont put your foot down with people then when will you EVER? if this girl is a total bully, then try just telling her off! if shes by herself thats even better, but honestly chances are if you allow yourself to be a target then the person will feel they dont EVER have to stop because they know youll NEVER step up and speak for yourself.
We've all dealt with this at some point in our lives, and eventually everyone builds up the balls to just say "you know what, im tired of you BS get away from me and stop talking to me like that" just you standing up for yourself will scare her.
Try to work on just not caring anymore "what might happen" if you DO stand up to her. We cant all live our lives in "what if" mode. life is too short for that.
good luck sweetie and just remember as an adult life is YOURS for the taking! you dont have to care what some bully thinks or says about you. This too shall pass.
; )
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Please help!!! Worried about my boyfriend.
Well I ve been with this guy for like 8 months. It s a long distance relationship. He lives in a different state. . well he treated me like shxt and he says he does it because he's stressed out. And I was gon leave him a acouple of days ago and he said he was gon kill himself. Well earlier yesterday , he said he was in danger and that he needs me and to stay with him. He said something about people putting him in a gas chamber and that he gets gassed and he's going to die. Idk if that's another excuse of him trying to keep me in the relationship. I tried to call his phone but it went straight to voice mail. I haven't talked to him in a day. hes been stressed out. I can't stop crying im worried (link)
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Honestly, he sounds delusional. Who is going to put anyone in a gas chamber? is he in jail and about to be put to death?? probably not, so if hes saying things like this that would be a big red flag to get out.
secondly no one should be treating you badly and then when you threaten to leave saying stay or ill kill myself.
He needs the sort of help you cant give him sweetie. The best thing you can do is try to talk to his family or someone that you know cares for him and try to get them to get him the help he needs.
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Hey there everyone.
F/17
About two weeks ago I dumped my boyfriend. Truth was, I was paying for everything and never got much in return. When we went out or had lunch, I had to pay for both of us because he would always look the other way. I was too uncomfortable to ask for money from him so I just shut up about it. But it started getting me in trouble with my mom, because I was spending twice what I usually spent a week so she was noticing. I kept giving her lame excuses, but it started to bother me. Every time he gave me some excuse that he hadn't gotten paid. We were together for almost four months, and he never once took me a on a proper date. So I was stupid to let it go on for so long. I decided to finally end it because of all of this, and then two days passed and he suddenly had a girlfriend and he uploaded a picture of them kissing. Firstly, I deleted and blocked him out of every where but my friends still had him and they saw it. They took a screenshot and showed me. I was so angry. I felt used, lied to, cheated on. Because surely someone can't "move on" that quickly right? I started thinking back to all those times he would have to go away and talk to his "guardians" in secrecy. I feel pretty stupid about it. But worse of all, I made a "Kik" account a few days ago and agreed to let the app find friends in my contacts. The girl he's with showed up. So he probably used her phone to call me sometimes saying it was his guardian's phone. I'm so upset about this. I don't like him at all anymore, but this has hurt me more than words can explain. I've never gotten cheated on, and everything seemed to have been right in front of my eyes. Every night I cry before going to sleep, because it just infuriates me so much. A friend suggested I write a letter with my feelings and leave it at his house to get it out but I'm not sure that's a good idea. Any advice on how to let go? My family and friends are starting to tell me I need to get over it already. I just don't know how. (link)
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Well first off im so sorry that happened to you. its awful. secondly your family shouldnt be telling you how to feel at anytime about something. you are your own person and you have your own set of feelings to go by and no one needs to show you how to feel.
I would call the other girl and tell her hes been cheating on you with me and on me with you, and tell her you just wanted to let her know because you thought it would be the right thing to do. Stay totally calm while you do it youll come off as more mature that way. Lastly you will get over all this in your own time and in your own manner, they are probably just sad for you and dont want to admit it or or tired of hearing about him if your talking about it alot. This probably means that you should confide in someone else instead of them because it sounds like they just dont understand what your going thru right now or cant relate.
good luck ; )
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I have a friend I was so close to. She fibbed a few times in which I questioned her about, giving her the opportunity to come clean. I feel she blew it off and kept acting like it was no big deal. Eventually it ended in us not speaking. I have made a couple efforts to text and apologize and got no response. She won't talk to MD,I know she can be like this, sometimes for weeks or months. I blocked her on Facebook since we weren't "friends" as far as I knew and knew she would creep on my page. She then tied to search me on Facebook to realize I blocked her. She got mad and started asking about me to others but won't talk to me directly. Should I let her go, even tho I still would like to work things out or wait for her, not knowing if shell ever come around? (link)
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Maybe tell your friends not to tell her anything about you and tell them to tell her to talk to you directly. if SHE lied and did YOU wrong then shes right to not talk to you. shes obviously ashamed of what she did and doesnt want to face it. Let her suffer and think about what a great friend she lost.
No one can compare to you and she probably realizes that but doesnt want to confront or deal with any of it. ive been there and its sad when people cant just get over their pride or hang ups and just admit they did did you wrong and their sorry. *shruggs* just gotta let her live with her own mistakes for right now.
It doesnt mean you have to stop caring for her. feelings for good friends dont just died over night. Eventually she will most likely come back to you, but you have to put yourself at a distance and give her some space and continue to live your own life.
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I'm 19, I work full time during the week. I'm starting to do things I would have never thought of doing a year ago. About two months after my girlfriend and I broke up, I went online to find an escort, I met her and payed $140 for it. It was right after work at her hotel room. I felt so horrible afterwards, what a way to lose my virginity. Then I started going to parties at my friend's house, nothing crazy, a little drinking, making new friends etc. I meet this cute girl, we talk and text a bit for a few days. At the next party she's very seductive, then she tells me that she does services and has clients. It was so tempting so I did it, I snuck her into my house and it was $110. This time felt even worse because I kinda got to know her a little bit before. I don't know what I'm doing. Last week I drank so much I blacked out and threw up everywhere. Is it normal for guys my age to pay for sex? I feel like it's a thing that older married men do. And to know that to society I would be considered a "John" I feel superficial and shallow. There's one side of me that feels so wrong, and another side tries to justify it. I'm starting to question so many things. It's starting to feel like there really is no right and wrong, and that we're too scared to face it. It's like the only reason I think it's wrong is because I know the people around me look down upon it, and we're raised to think that way. If there were nobody around to say it's wrong, would it still be wrong. I just don't feel like the same person anymore. My family and my job would never guess that I'm doing this. What do I do man? I was going to parties to kind of avoid that ironically. I freaking run into a prostitute in person. And she was like my age. I remember like if I were in high school I would like girls and talk to them, now I have no idea if they're a prostitute or doing drugs and stuff. It makes me question what normal is. And it's like you can't win. If you're too sexual, you're a pervert, but if you're not sexual enough, you're a pussy. One person says I'm too emotional and sensitive, another person says I'm cold and have no feelings. It's really confusing and I'm starting to doubt and hate myself. (link)
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I have to agree with the others here. You sound like your having an identity crisis here. It sounds like your brake up really effected you and you feel like your world is totally upside down right now.
You dont sound like a bad person, you sound a bit lost and your not bad for paying for an escort either. I have a friend who was one for along time and shes an amazing person. Shes never had sex with or judged her clients, she actually prefers to NOT talk about them because her regulars were actually very respectable people that she cares for alot. (ive known her for about seven years and shes never mentioned a peep about them) She says its just like a date when they want to show up somewhere with a pretty classy looking lady on their arm to an important event or are lonely, or stuck in marriages they feel they cant get out of.
So escorts arent bad people. their normal, and know they can offer something to a lonely person thats typically too busy to commit to an actual relationship.
Once your free of high school and teen life, you will soon discover that not everyone fits into a cookie cutter version of what this world thinks they should be. Life can get messy and sloppy at times and theres nothing you can do but learn from it and try not to make the same mistake again. We are ALL sort of a work in progress at all times, so why dont YOU try just doing what you think is right, and not necessarily what others think. Its your job to live your life the best way that you know how, not everyone is destined to be whatever label their peers expect them to be and you dont have to broadcast these mistakes either because their really no one else's business but yours.
good luck ; )
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At Walmart, it's pretty much impossible to get foundation in a shade darker than a "medium tan", aka somewhere between Mariah Carey and Rihanna's natural skin tone. Mind you, both women are mixed-race. Where does that leave the vast majority of black people, who aren't as fair skinned? I have to break the bank to afford upscale, specialist beauty brands, like IMAN, because my skin tone is deemed "too uncommon", despite there being more dark skinned people in the world than fair skinned? What else is there even, other than IMAN Cosmetics? IMAN is difficult to find as it is. Most Walmarts don't even carry the brand, even though when you walk through most Walmarts, you always see a diverse array of people. It's sad and ridiculous to me. I need foundation to even my skin tone, but I've literally never bought it before, or BB creams, and/or etc., because I haven't been able to find affordable ones in my complexion. The average black person's skin tone is closer to Lupita Nyongo'o's than Halle Berry's. If we can have makeup for the fairest of fair skin, why not a proper range from light to dark, and not just light to "medium tan"? I can't. Even the phrasing, "medium tan" is Euro-centric. According to these racist makeup companies, are celebrities like Mindy Kaling and Kelly Rowland just "super tanned"? (link)
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I DO know what you mean here because im actually "olive" skin toned and its difficult for even the mac people to create a foundation shade for me that looks right. So in THAT aspect i get the frustration here totally.
I think when it comes to walmart, that it may be that they just want to sell what there is the highest demand for. For me personally i have to use a BB cream, a base cream, and then a lighter foundation then is what my real skin tone is just to cover my face and even then i have to do a "conture" styled look (which thankfully is popular) and i used to be a MODEL here. you would think i would have gotten it right by now but apparently my skin tone is rare too.
Your skin tone can also change throughout the year or just when its more sunny then other times and you have to find make up to match that.
Alot of make up companies will sometimes only start out with what is most popular or what is in high demand so they can rake in the cash and then will SOMETIMES offer other tones later down the line when their more established as a company. So alot of it is just about raking in the cash, i dont think its out and out racism.
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Me-23/F
Boyfriend-25/M
I took an at home pregnancy test which I purchased from a local drug store, which tested negative.
Around that time out of fear and wondering what was going on with my body, I decided to speak to my boyfriend's mother who I THOUGHT would be accepting and understanding. My sister was telling me one thing and my brother's boyfriend's girlfriend was telling me something else, they are both in their twenties so I thought that I would speak to someone older to see if they could shed light.
I chose this woman because the two of us have had such a great relationship in the past and she has been there for me many times. She texted me back, telling me that I was probably pregnant or there was something off with my cycle.
From that point on, she suggested that I get an abortion because my boyfriend and I are not financially ready and are both still in school, but told me that it was up to me.
After taking the test I went to an urgent care clinic, where a doctor saw me who gave me yet another urine test which tested negative. She suggested that I take a blood test to find out whether or not I am pregnant because she said that it is much more accurate.
I texted my boyfriend's mother with what the doctor had said, and she wanted to know the results of the blood test right away. I explained to her that it would take a while for me to find out, that it was lab work and that I would not know right away.
So the chances are very low that I am actually pregnant but it does not stop my boyfriend's mother from basically forcing an abortion on me. In her words, we cannot raise the child because none of us are financially ready and giving the child up for adoption (even though she gave a son or adoption 35 years ago, who she regrets giving birth to). Not only did she try to make up our minds for us, but she said that she hopes that I am not pregnant so that "WE" (my boyfriend, his mother, and I) do not have a decision to make.
Her perspective is that we can make any decision that we want but that she doesn't want her son to screw up his life. I am leaning towards accepting the pregnancy and raising the child, which I think is the best decision for me and my boyfriend. Every option seems to have a double-edged sword, but even though my family will probably kill me when they find out I know that by the time the baby's born that my boyfriend and I will have a place to go, as long as we get married (which we have talked about doing anyway).
I have no idea what my boyfriend thinks about this. But am I being unreasonable by strongly disagreeing with her, how do I get her to accept my decision and to realize that her son is a grown adult and she cannot make such a decision for him?
This all started because I asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to tell his mom the test results, or if he wanted to. He just said "don't tell her anything," as if this something that is just going to go away.
(BTW, if I am pregnant I think that my boyfriend would have conceived the child sometime in November. He only has one more semester of college left, and has experience as an accounting intern and I do not doubt that he is going to find a job in his chosen field.) (link)
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Well first off, you cant MAKE someone accept the choices you make in life. Its your life and no one else's, so weather you allow her to voice her option or not its still up to you and your boyfriend to make this important life decision.
Others arent always going to be happy with your choices but they arent theirs to make. Stay true to yourself and while i think its great to hear people out and allow their voices to be heard and then taken into consideration, at the end of the day you still have to choose whatever your going to do. ; )
Please let me say im sorry sweetie. I saw your feedback and i want to help as much as i can here. Im sure that you know and i cant exactly tell you how to deal with someone ive never even met before. I dont think anyone here really can, but i think listening to your boyfriend when he knows her better then you do is a huge part to consider here.
I have to agree with the other poster here about how to deal with her though. I think quiet and yet still respectful is the solution here. Silence cant really get you in trouble either, so i read that you said that you talk with her alot and all which im sure makes you feel closer to her on some level.
At the end of the day though shes still just your boyfriends mom and doesnt need to be totally filled in on everything yet until you know for sure anyway. You dont want to falsely alarm anyone with a pregnancy scare.
good luck.
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I am 17 and I have a huge crush on this cute guy who I work with which is 19. I want to ask him out to the cinemas but how do I ask him? And if he says yes, what would you do after the movie has finished?
How d i ask for his number? (link)
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if theres a candy shop near by, then walk over and pick out a bag of candy to share! ; ) its innocent but gets you both involved as you both have to pick your favorite candys to put in one bag. ; )
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Please don't tell me just be who I am, but I want to be more of a really, really outgoing, hilarious, carefree girlish tomboy. Like someone who is always there to help. And is always motivated to do things. Any advice? (link)
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well that doesnt happen over night. It takes time. I was like that as a teen and was wildly popular according to alot of the people i knew from high school although i didnt think so, they swear it up and down to this day lol.
i was a tomboy too, but i made it a point to not judge others, just except everyone, listen when they needed to vent or talk about something and always try to come up with solutions to their problems but not demand they take the advice but you merely "just shooting the idea out there as a possible route to help solve things"
Talk to boys as if they are human too, do not put them up on a pedestal. They may look good but they have feelings and thought of their own and when they come across a girl that understands them and doesnt let her feelings get involved, they are amazed by it and ESPECIALLY if shes pretty. ; )
for me excepting everyone was what made me the girl your talking about. Even when other people your hanging out with talked about others i hung out with behind their back, its ok to let that person say how they feel but its also important to listen and try to understand why they are talking about them, what their motives are AKA jealousy, etc. and then simply say something like "well i know but they obviously have a reason for acting the way they are and might have something going on in their life right now thats causing it, we just dont know".
give neutral answers that wont get YOU in trouble with them and will get THEM to think about what their spouting about others. If its a mutual friend thats being talked about, offer to "talk to them" for the friend, if the person is upset about something to between them and that youll try to help
take care of this" if that person wants and no one has to know.
this will A:get people to feel they can confide in you because your saying you wont tell anyone, B: get people to trust you with their most private secrets, and C: give you something they know you can use against them should they ever try to do something messed up to you. ((although youll most likely NEVER have to use it against them but just the fact that they know you know will usually be enough)) your friends secrets should never be a card to play during an argument unless its an absolute last resort and no one else should be within ear shot when you say it. ; ) being "that girl" comes with responsibilities.
your job is to keep the peace between friends who may not get along, treat them NO DIFFERENTLY once you know how they feel about each other and not let any of those issues get in the way. Keep secrets until its time to set them free, give advice when people come to you because they feel they can trust you wont tell others, and not judge others.
this takes time but if you start working on it now, you can get there. Dont focus on boys because they are cute, focus on getting the right ONE for you when the time is right. Watch other friends in their failed relationships and LEARN from it so you know what you DONT want in a guy. your friends will envy you down the road and say "what are you talking about! you were the most out going popular person at school!!"
good luck ; )
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Okay... I'm a fourteen year old girl and I like a boy that's four years older than I am. We go to the same school, and share the same interests and friends. We all play Magic: The Gathering at lunch and are on academic team and nerd stuff. The guy, Daniel, and I text often. Like, every night. Usually while simultaneously playing Nethack. He makes me laugh and is really funny and smart and nice. Whenever I think of him, I always think of him smiling and joking. He's ridiculously polite and occasionally speaks in a manner that makes me wonder whether he's from the eighteenth century, and there's always depth to his comments. I see him sometimes looking at me when I'm talking to someone else, and he always invites me to sit with him whenever he's going to do something with someone else, and he and I walk to the library together often, and text together until midnight at the least because neither of us ever sleep at a reasonable time. Um... he lets me lean against him whenever I'm watching him play a game, but he seems to make a slightly bigger deal out of touching me than of touching anyone else. Do you think he likes me? What things would I look for to know if he does? (link)
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Like the other poster said, find out if its illegal for you to be together or not before you do anything with this guy!
if you care about each other you wont want him to get in trouble but that doesnt mean you cant still tell him that you care about him alot, and that its BECAUSE of the legalities of your age difference that make you want to not do anything with him, date, etc. This will show him that you care enough to see thru what you both want or need and that you have the ability to choose whats best for the both of you (him mainly though cause he could go to jail) he will think your really mature for doing that, and will probably keep a vested LONG TERM interest in you for being so kind and caring about his well being, allowing you guys to possible date when your old enough but remain friends and earn respect from him because of it. ; )
If he goes and gets a couple of girlfriends between that time before your 18 then dont lose heart. if hes over 18 then he will have certain "needs" if you know what i mean and might fall for other girls but if your always the apple of his eye then he will never forget you and when your old enough he will be RIGHT there by your side ready for a relationship. He'll have also learned more about how to treat women and will appreciate you even more when the time comes, see? so your really not losing anything here, your looking out for his best interests, he'll KNOW THAT, it will make a big impact on him and youll always be in his heart if he DOES really care about you.
It sounds like he DOES really like you but for some reason he doesnt want to move to the next level (maybe because its illegal) and is scared.
for now just try to stay friends (even though im sure thats hard. trust me i know my husband was seven years older then me and we met when i was 14 and he just turned 21) so i GET IT. lol.
good luck ; )
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I don't understand my sister at all. I try my best to be polite to her and she snaps at me. It's become a habit of my mom to ask her if it's that time of the month for her and it isn't. My sister had told me numerous times that I have no friends and nobody likes me and that I should kill myself. She has a sense of humor that I don't appreciate and have had to ask her multiple times to stop, but she just tells me to quit being a stupid bitch and suck it up. I recall one event similar to this where she said something that offended me and I asked her not to say that to me again. She yelled at me saying "freedom of speech, you stupid fuck!" She also encourages her friends to talk shit about me. I don't understand why she behaves this way towards me. Why does she hate me so much? (link)
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Im going to try to answer this because i went through something similar although it was with a brother not a sister. what happened with me was quite different and i ended up having out and out psychical fights with him in order to get his respect. It worked and its been years but now we are adults and talk to each other as such and get along.
Although i dont encourage that here AT ALL, i DO think you should stand up for yourself when the opportunity presents itself. If she is younger than you then you are higher ranking in the sibling range and therefore have been on this earth longer and are allowed to demand some level of respect from her weather it is small or large.
Ive also had friends who had younger sisters who tried the same B.S. on them that it sounds like your sister is doing and they took the passive aggressive approach making that younger siblings life a living hell at every chance until they relented. Or at least waved the white flag.
To constantly tell your mother will give your younger sister the idea that your weak and/or a tattle tale and like you cannot stand on your own. Your older and need to remind her of the sibling order here. Im not saying resort to any kind of violence or psychical contact, not making a stand in a way SHE would understand might work. ((in whatever way you think she will understand))
YES, she might need a doctor, but just passively saying "i deserve your respect" isnt going to work with a rebellious teenage girl and i think we all know that. lol. just calling it like i see it.
good luck though and i hope you can figure out a way to get through to her.
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I do not know What to say (link)
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ok well if he asked you out then obviously he likes you, he might be shy because he ALSO doesnt know what to say.
Try just breaking the ice every time your with him or trying to talk to him, make jokes about things you both heard about, ask him what he thinks about things and try to invite him to do things with you if thats allowed. like to poster before me said, you didnt give us your age so im not sure how to help guide you here.
try complimenting him, and asking him how school was today and things like that! thats just the basis for making conversation AKA the tip of the iceberg. good luck ; )
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