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I want to be like this but how?
Please don't tell me just be who I am, but I want to be more of a really, really outgoing, hilarious, carefree girlish tomboy. Like someone who is always there to help. And is always motivated to do things. Any advice?
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Yes.
Be outgoing, hilarious and help people. If you do that long enough you will become that person.
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well that doesnt happen over night. It takes time. I was like that as a teen and was wildly popular according to alot of the people i knew from high school although i didnt think so, they swear it up and down to this day lol.
i was a tomboy too, but i made it a point to not judge others, just except everyone, listen when they needed to vent or talk about something and always try to come up with solutions to their problems but not demand they take the advice but you merely "just shooting the idea out there as a possible route to help solve things"
Talk to boys as if they are human too, do not put them up on a pedestal. They may look good but they have feelings and thought of their own and when they come across a girl that understands them and doesnt let her feelings get involved, they are amazed by it and ESPECIALLY if shes pretty. ; )
for me excepting everyone was what made me the girl your talking about. Even when other people your hanging out with talked about others i hung out with behind their back, its ok to let that person say how they feel but its also important to listen and try to understand why they are talking about them, what their motives are AKA jealousy, etc. and then simply say something like "well i know but they obviously have a reason for acting the way they are and might have something going on in their life right now thats causing it, we just dont know".
give neutral answers that wont get YOU in trouble with them and will get THEM to think about what their spouting about others. If its a mutual friend thats being talked about, offer to "talk to them" for the friend, if the person is upset about something to between them and that youll try to help
take care of this" if that person wants and no one has to know.
this will A:get people to feel they can confide in you because your saying you wont tell anyone, B: get people to trust you with their most private secrets, and C: give you something they know you can use against them should they ever try to do something messed up to you. ((although youll most likely NEVER have to use it against them but just the fact that they know you know will usually be enough)) your friends secrets should never be a card to play during an argument unless its an absolute last resort and no one else should be within ear shot when you say it. ; ) being "that girl" comes with responsibilities.
your job is to keep the peace between friends who may not get along, treat them NO DIFFERENTLY once you know how they feel about each other and not let any of those issues get in the way. Keep secrets until its time to set them free, give advice when people come to you because they feel they can trust you wont tell others, and not judge others.
this takes time but if you start working on it now, you can get there. Dont focus on boys because they are cute, focus on getting the right ONE for you when the time is right. Watch other friends in their failed relationships and LEARN from it so you know what you DONT want in a guy. your friends will envy you down the road and say "what are you talking about! you were the most out going popular person at school!!"
good luck ; )
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When you want something enough, you will do what it takes to slowly make the changes. Don't force yourself to be something you are not but within reason, spread your wings and enjoy life more. I had a shy, reserved mom, and a friendly outgoing Dad. As kids sometimes we tend to model behavior of a parent or friends and that is not truly who we are. I was shy, inhibited to point of being scared, and self conscious instead of carefree. I don't know if you are truly socially challenged, but here is what I did to come out of my shell. Once you gain the self confidence to be more outgoing, all the rest will naturally follow. Here's what helped me:
I used to be so shy I wouldn't get up to use the pencil sharpener in grade school because I didn't want the other kids to stare at me. I refused to do book reports for fear of speaking in front of the class. So my grades would suffer. In contrast, my dad was a very friendly extroverted person and always bringing home new friends he had made. Us kids liked it cus these “uncles” would bring candy for us and many had accents from around the world with lots of interesting stories too.
It took until I was about 16 before I decided I was sick and tired of being so shy. I didn't have the guts to just switch behavior and start talking. Strange how I never thought to talk to my dad about that and get help from him. So I prayed and asked God for help (He knows each of us better than anyone )
and here's the answers I got. It sure helped me and I know it will help you. You can skip any steps you already have mastered.
None of this involves using people you already know because you already have some comfort level there For this exercise, you will have to drop the teaching, “Never talk to strangers”. Just use common sense and talk to people in public places where other people are around and don't go off alone with anyone. So here's your lesson.
1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling awkward or shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pull something off the rack and ask what she thinks of it for me.
Keep trying statements with a question to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly and supportive way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick ripe but not over ripe melon one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for facebook friending. Once you are comfortable with talking to one person, then its a small matter to talk to groups of people.
This should help you.
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