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Hi so I dont know if you remember but I'm the girl who liked the bus driver. I appreciate all you said I really do but I tried to take your advice and use it to move on but I can't I don't know what to do. I miss him so much and care about him a lot. I know there's an age difference and a big one but its what I'm attracted too. And I know he has somebody already but I can't get him out of my mind. Months are flying and I cannot tell you how much I need him. I don't expect him tò be here as a lover but atleast a friend. I'd give the world for him.I have never met a man so amazing before. I apologize for bothering you but I need to talk to somebody.. (link)
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I am guessing you didn't mean this to come to me, so that means the person you meant it for doesn't allow people who didn't make an account to contact them.
Why don't you make an account here:
http://www.advicenators.com/register.php
... and then send them another note. If you let me know, I can assign your old questions to your account so that you will be able to leave feedback for the people that were nice enough to answer you before. I am sure they would appreciate that.
Thanks.
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If you don't know, there is a massive power outage that has most of San Diego county in the dark. My parents live there, and I can't reach them.
How do I contact my relatives in San Diego when their phones don't work since they went out with the power?
If anyone has any ideas, I would thank you for your help! (link)
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Hi there,
If it is an emergency, such as medical conditions causing increased worry for you, you can and should call the local police/sheriff department. They can go and verify the well being of your parents.
Also, if you know any of the neighbors, they may have phones that aren't cordless, and still work.
If you don't know the neighbors, you can use this tool:
http://www.whitepages.com/reverse_address
... to find the neighbors who live near your folks. Some listings on that white pages site don't directly reveal phone numbers, so you might consider opening another window, and start looking the phone numbers up one at a time until you have success.... or you could assume that means their numbers are unlisted, and just go through until you find someone who IS listed.
I don't know how their neighbors are, but if someone called me, worried about their mom and dad, I wouldn't mind at all. I would go deliver the message, then invite them over to return your call.
Don't be afraid to ask. People aren't as bad as the news would have you believe. :-)
Good luck, and I hope everyone down there is OK!
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Well I'm 23 yr old guy that finally got his first serious job. My dad's best friend helped me out to get involved with their company. But I was transferred to a different state so I packed up and moved.
Now I won't get into big detail, but my Boss's secretary quit all of a sudden so he asked me if I was interested. I ended up taking it and it was a pretty o.k job. Paper work, answering calls, setting up meetings and such, everything was going so well. Until he asked me to take care of some "personal" business.
He had me pick up his 16 yr old daughter from school and take her home then babysit. Their nanny never called or showed up and he was in an important meeting. So I figured, he's a nice a guy why not. When I picked her up she stared at me funny, than sat in the passenger seat. The whole ride to their home was very awkward and silent.
We finally got to her house and she thanked me, then rushed inside. I followed and sat in their living room, wondering if I should just let her do her own thing or if we should watch a movie or play a video game or something. I grew up in a family of 7 and I played with my little bro' all the time.
After awhile she finally came down stares, dressed in ridiculously short shorts and a tight tank top with no bra. I was shocked and disturbed. She smiled and sat next to me and began asking me a lot of random questions about my job with her dad and about myself. I didn't know quite what to do but answer them as I looked away.
She then asked how many women I'd slept with, I didn't answer of course and scooted further away. She scooted closer and asked if I thought she was hot. I felt very awkward and told her I didn't find minors attractive. She then stated that it was "only" a 7 year difference and her father and new step mom are 9 years apart.
She told me to wait down there and ran up stairs, then came back down with a small baggie full of brownish stuff. I've never done drugs so I didn't think it'd be weed. Until she asked if I would smoke with her. I said absolutely not! And told her I'd tell her father once he called but she just laughed and said she'd tell him it was mine and make him believe I was trying to get into her pants. I was appalled by the extremity of her lie.
She then stated that she was in control now and there was nothing I could do about it, then went on to tell me about all the nanny's, housekeepers, and music teacher's she's had that she'd gotten her dad to fire and some arrested. I'm not sure if it's true but I am a bit frighten none the less.
I mean to be put in jail for something you didn't even do?
So later off she had me take her and her two best friends to the mall, I was so relieved since I'd get some time to myself while they were off. But then she told me her nanny follows them everywhere and holds their bags for them. So I did to. It wasn't that bad until her friends started talking about how cool it would be to date an older guy with a car and such. Then my Boss's daughter grabbed my bum and ran off with her friends.
At this point I was just really pissed off of having to put up with all the b.s. I head back to the car with their bags and waited till they called to go home. I decided to look threw their bags and they bought a lot of racy undergarments and clothes. I'm really disturbed at how these kids act.
They finally came back to the car with even more bags of God only knows what, I drove her two friends home and then went back to her home. I was so thankful that there were only two more hours for her father to get home.
I wondered were her step mom was but didn't bother to ask. I sat in the kitchen petting their cat and she goes on to say, "boy you sure like to pet pus*y." I was annoyed by her presence and just told her; If she were my daughter she wouldn't be in those terrible clothes, speaking the way she was and acting the way she was. She just laughed and asked if I was gay. When I didn't respond, she said she'd be happy to do me in the back with, you can only imagine what.
Her dad finally came home and I was so mentally exhausted I didn't even bother to tell him anything and went home. I guess I'm worried of him not believing me and believing his daughters horrible lies.
It's been a week since then and I kept avoiding those "personal" favors of his, but he wants me to look after her tomorrow since she got suspended from school for getting into a fight.
What do I do? Do I tell my boss? How?
Sorry it's so long but I really want to keep my job but have no interest in putting up with his underage daughter's crap. (link)
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You MUST protect yourself. False accusation ruins many lives, and for women like this it is both a power trip and a sport. They get off on seeing how much damage they can inflict and keep score, as she demonstrated, of how many lives they have harmed.
You will not be reasoning with her, so my suggestion is not to try. Spend a little time reading about sociopathic behaviours, and you will quickly find you are in WAY over your head.
I suggest you purchase a voice recorder, and carry it with you everywhere.
Sony makes a very fine entry-level recorder which is for sale just about anywhere, including walmart.
It is under $50 the last time I looked, and it is a very good quality unit. Here is a link:
http://www.walmart.com/ip/Sony-ICD-PX720-Digital-Voice-Recorder/11089376
... Four rules:
1) NOBODY knows you have this. Nobody.
2) Do NOT use it unless you are going to be around the daughter. If your boss finds out you have been recording things at work, you will be out in a hot minute.
3) You may be in legal jeopardy (I am NOT a lawyer, check with one to be sure of where you stand) recording her without her knowledge...
... but, for the purposes of your life, it doesn't matter. Would you rather do some time for recording the person who makes a false accusation, or would you rather be labeled a rapist and a child predator for life?
Easy choice.
Finally rule number 4:
NOBODY KNOWS YOU HAVE THIS DEVICE. Let me put it another way: DO NOT TELL ANYONE.
If you break rules 1 or 4, you are making a very big error.
Ok, having said all that, I would do whatever you can to avoid being around her, but if you are forced into the situation, don't spend one second with her that isn't on tape, so to speak.
Oh, rule 5:
Please see rules 1 and 4.
When she tells you that she is going to have you arrested if you don't do what she wants... and you have it recorded, do NOT, as tempting as it will be, rip the recorder out, show it to her and skip around the room singing about how you finally have your life back!
It will be tempting, but don't do it.
Lastly, I would advise that you reveal this to her dad O-N-L-Y when push comes to shove, or when she accuses yet another innocent victim you hear about.
Hold this evidence like your life depended on it, because it does.
Oh, and the included software for that device is very handy.
When you extract each batch of recordings, put them on your HD, a flash drive you keep for just such a purpose, and a cd/dvd. Put 2 of these three is a safe deposit box.
Good luck, and remember: You are FAR from the first person this has happened to.
Here are some links I hope you never need to rely on:
Truth in Justice:
http://truthinjustice.org/
The "A" Team:
http://www.a-team.org/
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I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and I saw a question on your page related to it.
When I was 16, I was dating a guy. We never had sex, but we liked to make out and he fingered me a lot. One night, he broke my hymen by doing this. It was a shock of pain straight up through my vagina, and he said he saw blood.
Does that mean I lost my virginity to him? We broke up later on, and the next guy I dated when I was 17 is the guy that I first had sex with, and I've always considered him to be the one I lost my virginity to. I told him the whole story about having my hymen broken, but that I had never had sex.
Did I lose my virginity by having my hymen breaking through fingering, or did I lose it the first time I had a penis inside me?
Side note: Many months after the break up with the boyfriend I lost my virginity to, I started talking again to the guy who broke my hymen. We had a deep conversation one night about how we considered breaking my hymen as "half my virginity" (I know it sounds stupid). But I'm still very confused about who I really lost my virginity to. Does this make me a whore because I'm not sure? I've only slept with one guy and done anything physically with guys I am seeing at the time. (link)
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If you read my previous answer, then you already know the answer, but since you asked twice in 10 hours, then sent a followup to find out why I hadn't answered fast enough for you, I am going to re-state:
The purpose of virginity, male and female, is freedom.
Freedom from disease, and freedom from emotional baggage.
Since you can get a range of STDs from being fingered, that is when you no longer were 100% free from disease possibilities, and that is when it would be wise to stop calling yourself a virgin.
Your hymen has nothing to do with virginity, really... otherwise, boys couldn't be virgins at all. See where I am going with this?
The whole half your virginity thing... well, it is one of those things people create so they can feel better about their past. You know it, he knew it and I know it.
Best to just be honest from here on out. You had your first sexual contact with the first guy. Even if you still had your hymen, you could have both emotional baggage and diseases from this, so with that in mind, do you still think it would be ok to call yourself a virgin, half a virgin maybe?
Nope. You are now sexually active, as in you have actively done sexual things.
Virgin = NOT sexually active.
Good luck.
P.S. Please ask questions that you would like my input on, both to me and the rest of the site. My schedule is insane, as I had already mentioned, and while I wish I could answer everyone's questions right away, I can't.
I only answer those things that have immediate pressing need, such as suicide help questions and relationships where people are about to do something stupid, or have done it and need help to recover before it is too late. Everything else, I get to when I have time. Sometimes a week, other times a month.
Thank you for understanding.
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Well, I'm back again. But this time not with a relationship/sex question. I started college on Sunday, woo! So far, it's all going fairly smoothly. Except this one girl is REALLY annoying me. At first I thought she was cool, she hung out with me and some of my friends so now she's part of the group, I guess. But over the week, I've realized how truly freaking annoying of a human being she is. I'm sorry, I'm trying not to be mean but it's awful. She constantly knocks on my door when it's closed and asks to come in. Then she continues to just sit on my floor and Skype her friends with me in the background of the screen. It's awkward to listen to be "part" of their conversation. Then she asks to watch movies all night because my roommate and I watched one the night before, so suddenly she needs to be included. Even explaining that I have an 8 AM class does not shut her up. And she's asking in front of her friend on Skype so it's even more awkward. Then if my door is open, she'll just come barging in and make herself at home.
And I understand people have issues sometimes. I don't know if she has OCD or a twitch, but every ten seconds this girl is scrunching her face up and closing her eyes. It's a horrible, annoying habit.
Not to mention her obsession with the upperclassmen soccer players on the floor above us. She practically cried because she thought they were moving out because "their beds were all striped down"....turns out they were doing their laundry. She's crazy.
All in all, she is the "annoying friend" we all have. I've tried to tolerate her, but I feel like my space is always invaded by her. Right now she is at dinner, thank God. I just don't want to be her friend but I don't know what to do?! Technically, she's part of my circle of friends and also the roommate of one of my friends. I'm going to talk to my roommate tonight and see if she feels the same about this girl, but it really seems like nobody else is bothered by her. Maybe we're all in my position and just too cowardly to speak up because we just got here.
Please help! What do I do? I don't want to spend the next four years, or even next year having to pretend I like this girl. (link)
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Hello again,
What an awful situation! Having been there, I can attest to the fact that sometimes people like her have no idea what they are doing is annoying the crap out of people. I would go ahead and talk to the person you were going to check with and see how she feels about it, but be advised, she may run right to the annoying friend and tell her you were talking behind her back. There is always that risk.
Beyond that, if you find out that you aren't the only one who is being annoyed, then I would talk to the girl and tell her exactly what is bothering you. Ask her to respect your space, and your time schedule. When you tell her you have to be ready at 8am, she needs to respect that and get out.
As far as the face scrunching thing, it sounds like you are just being petty. If she has a twitch she can't control, then that is what it is. How would you feel if someone came to you and said: "Your face annoys me."
There is plenty to be addressed here without picking on her physically. Boundary issues: She has them.
Good luck straightening her out, if you choose to.
If you sever ties, you make take some lumps from other people, but leaving her in your life without her developing some respect will drive you to the point where YOU will be scrunching your face every 10 seconds. ;-)
She does sound nuts, and she will drive you the same direction if something isn't done.
Nice to have friends, but better to have your sanity.
Good luck.
P.S. There are over 70,000 users here. Please, if you want to ask me a question, that is great, but you can't come after me to answer them when I am busy. The second one you asked, you asked again not even 10 hours later. Please, in the future, ask questions to me, AND the general pool if you are in a hurry. Thank you.
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I'm female, 16 years old. I'm really worried because I've had symptoms like discharge, odor, and bleeding/brown stuff for like the past 3 months. I haven't ever been tested for anything and I regret it.
I've been in a bad relationship for a while and he's had sex with other girls and I've had sex with 2 other guys.
I'm wondering if I should let my mom know and go get tested (because I fear that I'm putting it off for too long... and I don't want things to get worse). Do you think I should? Or should I just wait for these "symptoms" to go away?
I'm scared and it's kinda embarrassing. Please try to put yourself in my place :/ thanks. (link)
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I know this is embarrassing, but you need to get it taken care of right away. This isn't going to go away on its own.
I know you didn't ask about this, but do you think maybe it is time to get out of this relationship where you are both busy cheating on each other? It is only hurting you.
Even if both you and the other person in this relationship were using condoms, condoms do NOT stop HPV (genital warts/cancer) or herpes from spreading.
What you guys are doing is a recipe for disease and disaster.
If you go in and get treated for whatever you have now, could you do me a favor? Could you stop doing this before you end up dying of AIDS, becoming infertile from various other STDs, or doing something else that is going to forever ruin your life before you are even old enough to vote?
Please, PLEASE think about this. It is obvious from your writing skills that you are smart enough to understand you are headed to a bad place in life.
I hope the testing goes well. Be sure to get your mom on board, and get the testing done as soon as possibly possible.
Good luck!
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I've submitted a couple of new questions to you, but you haven't replied and I just was wondering if something was wrong? Like if you were no longer available to help me through the college stuff (link)
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Your questions require a great deal of thought, and I have a very limited amount of time. I work, on average, 18-20 hour days, as I believe I mentioned when we first made contact.
If any of theme were things that needed an instant answer, like your first one did, I would get to it right away.
In the mean time, it would be great if you would ask the questions to the pool of 70,000 people here as well.
I will answer them when I have a day off, or a couple hours to myself. So far what I have seen is you are tired of pretending to be friend s with a girl, and you are confused about the concept of virginity.
If one of these can't wait, please let me know which one you need answered immediately, and I will make time for it.
If there is another one you are talking about, then I have missed that one, please provide a link and I will see what I can do.
Kind of like the situation you had with your boyfriend... it is important to understand that the world doesn't revolve around you, and that other people have lives they have to tend to occasionally. ;-)
Thank you.
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I'm 16/f, turning 17 in like 16 days.
I live in California and I was told so many different things.
Like if I do all my online stuff with the driving courses then I can take my permit test and then if I pass I'll get my permit.
I was told two different things after that. One was that I'd have to have my permit for 6 months before I get my license.
Then the other was that I would just have to go take the driving test since I'm not 15 1/2 and not wait 6 months for it.
So anybody know what actually happens? (link)
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Hi there,
Please contact your local DMV for the best answers to these questions.
If someone tells you something here that is incorrect, they may not be meaning to mislead you... the rules change frequently, and the best way to get the current answers is to go to the source.
Here is a list of California DMV offices:
http://apps.dmv.ca.gov/fo/offices/toc_fo.htm
... with maps, and phone numbers.
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My new puppy is just being terrible. We've had her for about 6 weeks now. She thinks she is the "alpha", she bites and growls and me and my parents, and my parents want to get rid of her. She's our first dog so we are a little inexperienced. But, today she ran off because she was biting me and I was trying to get her inside. She wouldn't even come in when we called her and brought treats. She made me cry later that day. I always thought my dog would end up being faithful, loyal, and loving. I know she's just a puppy but I don't think she even cares or feels guilty for leaving scars on my skin that will last years. I am just really depressed. (link)
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Not all breeds of dogs are for everyone.
Read this to understand exactly how NOT the right dog choice a husky was:
http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/siberianhuskyfaq.htm
If you want a hardcore arctic sled-pulling champion of a dog, then you have the right puppy. If you don't than you have the wrong puppy.
It isn't that you can't train a husky to be easy to get along with, it is just that you would need more experience than you have, in order for there to be a happy outcome here.
I would say that you should take the puppy back. Not because there is no hope for the dog, but rather that it is the wrong dog for you, and if you keep the dog, you will end up ruining its life and it will be a miserable experience for you too.
As for the husky running off... that is what they are famous for. They LOVE to run. If you ever let them off a leash for a moment when they aren't in a contained area, you might never see them again.
Of all the dogs I have ever seen, this breed is the least likely to come when called.
Different breeds have things they are famous for. Talk to someone you know that knows something about dogs, or better yet go to your local shelter, and talk to them about family friendly dogs they might have available.
If you want a NICE dog, it is hard to beat a Labrador, or golden retriever.
Here is a list if the top 10 kid-friendly dog breeds:
http://www.divinecaroline.com/22111/70176-ten-kid-friendly-dog-breeds
... Notice the top two?
Don't lose hope, you just bought the wrong dog for your skill level and needs.
There is a dog out there that is right for you, this just isn't the one.
When you do find another dog, learn about crate training. That is your friend, and your life and the life of your dog will be better if you know how it works.
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So this Saturday is my sister's 26th birthday and I want to make her a hello kitty face shaped cake!
http://rattytime.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/hello-kitty-3.gif
For those of you that might not know what she looks like that's her! ^
Anyways so I went out to buy two one deep 9" round pan and one regular round 9" pan.
And frosting, and strawberry filling and fondant. That molding frosting.
So my initial plan was to bake the cake then freeze then carve into her headshape somehow.
Tips and ideas, I've never tried to do anythis like this I wanted it to be sortah 3d like on the top and ears but flat on bottom.
HELP! (link)
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Hi there,
May I suggest, without any intended offence, that this is something you might have more luck perfecting without a looming deadline?
Were you aware that SanRio has issued a 3d hello kitty cake pan? If yes, is there any reason not to use it? If not, here is a link:
http://www.amazon.com/Wilton-Hello-Kitty-Cake-Pan/dp/B003M8GRAY
... and MANY party stores will carry this, if you are worried about getting it shipped in time.
I would suggest a couple changes, such as an alternate substance for the whiskers, such as sliced licorice, or whatever suits your fancy and that you look at what other people have done with hello kitty cakes:
http://bigfatcook.com/tipsntricks/foodydoo/hello-kitty-cakes/
... for inspiration.
The carving of a shape out of frozen cake isn't something most people will get even remotely close on their first try. I hope you do eventually master this, but I am worried you will be discouraged if you try to do it under pressure. This is why I would suggest getting the pan for this time, and perhaps another time down the road a bit, you could make another kitty cake using your newly honed skills. :-)
If you are still going to try carving this, may I suggest this link to several video tutorials for making your own Hello Kitty cake?
http://www.google.com/search?q=hello+kitty+cake&hl=en&safe=off&rlz=1T4GGLL_enUS378&prmd=ivns&source=lnms&tbm=vid&ei=h2xoTvmGJZCztwfE3eWMDQ&sa=X&oi=mode_link&ct=mode&cd=3&ved=0CC0Q_AUoAg&biw=948&bih=595
Good luck, and, if you don't mind sharing, would you please upload a picture of what you end up with so I can see if I helped? :-) Even if it turns out hilarious, it would still be fun to see.
P.S. I speak from experience when I talk about hilarious cakes. I have stories. ;-)
P.P.S. Even if you use the pre-made San Rio Pan... BAKE MORE THAN ONE CAKE. You have been warned. Again... I really wasn't kidding when I said I had some baking tales.
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if the hymen in the virgina is torn without the woman having sex does it mean that she is no longer a virgin (link)
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Nope, she actually has to touch another human in a sexual way for that to happen.
The only problem is that SO many women lie about this constantly, that a guy would be absolutely stupid to believe her in many cases.
If you doubt that, I can point you to hundreds of questions here from women who have had anal sex, oral sex, and, if you can believe the stupidity involved in all of this... still claim to be a virgin.
Some people would say: "Well, virginity means different things to different people." Sorry folks, the word has a meaning. Look it up in a real dictionary, and by golly there it is.
I usually ask people who say the above: So, how do you think it would go if someone who killed a woman goes before the judge and says: "Well, your honor, this is the thing... murder, well it means different things to different people, so I don't think you should hold it against me that I killed her."
Same difference. Words have actual meanings, and if we make up our own meanings for them, we become liars every time we use a word we just made of a definition for.
Sorry, back to the point: Yes, many ways to tear a hymen by accident. Will anyone ever truly believe you? I wouldn't, as I have been lied to about that before. Guys are catching on to the whole lying about what virgin means situation.
Only the good guys care, though, so if you find a good guy you have a chance he will trust you, or at least try to trust you and stomp down the constant doubt about it. The most important thing is to not let it be a surprise. This way if he is like: "NO hymen, no future." You will know sooner than later, and you can look for someone who doesn't have that same outlook.
Good luck.
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okay so my boyfriend is great his an amazing boyfriend his sweet kind and respectful the only thing is that his clingy today was our first day of school and he was always next to me every chance he got and even sat with me a my lunch table that is full of girls and was always holding my hand and touching me. and im one of those people that doesnt like when people are on me all the time. but besides that his great the problem is me i find myself not missing him when he was on vacation and i find my self trying to avoid him in the halls and i get really shaky when im around him like i litterly shake. and i think the problem is that im not physicly attracted not him. and i know that looks aren't every thing and thats why i went out with him cuz i liked his personality and i thought looks wouldnt matter but thats what breaking up our relationship. im just not feeling it and i dont want to keep pertending that i do so my question is how can i break up with him not to harshly because i really dont want to hurt his feelings to much since his liked me for a whole year before we started dating.
if it helps im 15 f and his 15m. plz answer soon i'm planning on doing it tommorow. (link)
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(Note: This ended up longer than I meant it to be, but I promise if you read it all the way through, it will help you a great deal.)
I suppose the first thing to do would be to be honest with yourself.
I know you feel bad about it, which is why you used the first part as an excuse of why you want to break up, but at least you were honest enough to come out later and say that you want to break up with him because of his looks.
That said, I wouldn't tell him that. The goal here is to do as little harm as possible.
It really is ok, to sit down with him, in person, in private, and tell him that it isn't something he has done, or anything (true, since you indicated the real reason you are breaking up was he doesn't make you horny) but you just don't feel anything growing between you as far as chemistry goes.
Perhaps tell him that you are two different people, and just not compatible.
He will ask what you mean, and you will tell him that his wanting to spend time with you is making you unhappy. Weird when you hear it said like that, isn't it?
He will then tell you that he can change and be less clingy, so you have to be prepared to answer that one.
You should be firm, but not cruel with this. Tell him that you have thought about it a lot, and you know that he is "the boyfriend who wants to spend time with the girl he loves" and if he were to pretend to be less interested in you or whatever it is that would make your ideal boyfriend, then he wouldn't be being himself anymore... and that isn't fair to him.
If this really is just a straight, shallow case of you dumping him because you don't care for his looks, then you have to remember one thing:
Don't put this off because... You are doing him a favor!
I know this is odd to hear, but the fact of the matter is that he can do better than you for himself.
I don't mean that in a bad way towards you, I just mean that we both know there is no future with you, and he deserves someone who actually loves HIM, not just his looks or lack thereof.
If you are thinking of putting this off for the sake of pity, then don't. Every day you string him along like he had a chance with you, is going to make it harder for him in the long run.
I would like to thank you for trying to do your best to help him take this as gently as possible.
One last thing: Please... no e-mails, no IMs and no text messages. You have to do this in person.
One last thing part two: Everyone knows that when you say: "It isn't you, it is me..." you are lying, so please don't go there. It is kind of like every time a girl on this site says: "My friend has a problem... she might be pregnant."
... We all know she is lying, so there is no real point.
Good luck, and if he needs help to cope with you dumping him, please put him in touch with me.
Thanks,
DN.
P.S. He must NEVER know that you dumped him because you don't like the way he looks. That is a problem with YOU, not a problem with him, so there is no reason to dump your problems on him any more than you have to, if you see what I mean.
There is someone out there that really digs his look, but he might never get the chance to meet them if you damage his self esteem to greatly now. If you are about to say: "You don't know what he looks like!" in an effort to make it sound like he is a troll and nobody would be able to get around his looks... Remember, ALWAYS, that this man:
http://st-listas.20minutos.es/images/2009-01/71784/859637_640px.jpg?1230840447
... was married to Julia Roberts. ;-) Trivia: Lyle Lovett traded Julia Roberts in on another pretty woman (pun intended) but I will leave you to look up the pictures of Lyle and his new mate, April Kimble.
So why did I tell you all of that? Simple: You don't need to feel sorry for him forever. Just make the breakup as kind as possible.
Know in your heart that you are doing a good thing, because what ALWAYS happens when a girl dumps a guy because he isn't hot enough?
... he ends up marrying someone far hotter than the girl who dumped him. Never fails. :-)
So, just know that someday you are going to be insanely jealous of his "pretty woman" and let that be the motivation you need to let him be free to find the woman that will actually love him for who he is.
Good luck.
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Seems like everyone is talking about the Golden eye Diamond auction, but none of the news stories, and I looked at SEVERAL, have links to the actual online diamond auction itself.
Does anyone know what site is being used to auction it off? I checked eBay, but nothing there.
Thank you! (link)
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I noticed the same thing when I went looking for that link. There were dozens, if not hundreds of similar news stories on various websites, but I only found one with a link to the actual auction site that is responsible for the sale of the "Golden Eye" diamond.
http://www.bid4assets.com/auction/index.cfm?auctionid=504373&partnerid=211
... and there you go.
Should be fun to see where the final bid ends up.
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Kylie0528 i'm to scared to tell on my cousins fianse and friend.I could really get hurt.His friend is in some gang in Quebec.I really scared I don't want to get killed what do I do?I really scared I crying my eyes out right now.I had a gun to my head the whole time they raped me.I didn't want to mention it before.
(link)
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I see you are back again... Please stop lying about being raped in order to fulfill your fantasies.
If what you were saying was true, then according to your other questions, you have been raped dozens of times by dozens of men in the last 30 days.
You would have to make a schedule so you could arrange multiple rapes a day without your "rapists" running into each other.
Now listen... I get that you have a sexual fetish for rape fantasy. According to surveys, it is not at all uncommon... BUT, you are making it harder for a REAL rape VICTIM to be taken seriously.
Anyone who had already had you in here wasting their time for a month with all these different stories, would automatically be less likely to believe someone who has actually been raped.
I hope your fantasy never comes true. The reality is a lot different than what you are thinking it is.
No matter how much you hate yourself, and want other people to abuse you, you are worth more than that.
Please talk to a counselor that has some experience with this before it consumes your life.
If you don't think you have an issue... attend a rape survivors support group and tell them what you have been doing on this site. See how that goes over.
No more of this.
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my boyfriend and i split up after a little more than a year and a half, its a long story and forget who broke up with who but the main reason why we fell apart was because he felt too controlled and he wanted to be free and live his life and said he didnt want a relationship anymore and totally neglected me :( , our past relationship had so many mistakes, and we split up for like 1 month and when he came back to me, i decided to do this right, he apologized and i tried to forgive him for the sake of the relationship, he asked for me back and tried to gain my trust back for a month, during that month ive told him im startin to really trust him and i would like to be together and he said \"ur rushing things, give it some time\"and i gave it time, and during that time we were fixing things how he was supposed to make it up to me, he treated me bad at times, gave me alot of attitude for no reason, for example we were supposed to go to this certain place, and he decided that maybe to keep us some company we should go somewhere else with his 2 friends that are a couple, i couldnt take a cab all the way there because i did not know where it was, so he told me to go over his firends house, which is that girl, and he would come pick me up with his guy friend, i barely even know her that well, so i \"breathed out\" hard cause i was nervous, im the type of person that just gets nervous fast because he kept raising his voice (btw, our relationship was mentally abusive, he wud always call me names and an idiot, but the reason why i held on so long is because when he treated me right i loved it and it was worth it\"anyway, when i breathed out and got mad that i didnt wanna go over her house and do all that(because where i live its not very safe)i told him im just mad cause hes basically making me do this and that and we didnt even agree on it, he was like \"dont come, what do you want me to tell you, dont come then\" im like no no ill come, hes like okay now take down this certain number, so i was in the bathroom and there was no pencil, and my mom doesnt know we talk so i couldnt get out so i grabbed a lipstick and started shaking and then it broke so im like \" i dont have a pen\" hes like Ohmygod.., im like ill jus call you back on this number,hes like its not even my phone, and he kept raising his voice.. so he shuts without sayin bye, so i call him and stood up for myself and said ive had it, ive been trying to be so nice and all you do is treat me bad, (even a couple of days ago,when he was trying to fix things he wud be like your an idiot your stupid, because i cursed by mistake or something (not at him, it was a word that sounded like a curse but wasnt) and hes like your fucking stupid) so i was like even a few days ago you kept yeling and cursing and i wrote you back saying \"lets be cool i dont wanna fight even though i didnt even do anythin wrong \" so i told him you fucked up my day im not gonna come you keep yeling and makin me all nervous so forget it, hes like just take the number im like no, you are so mean :s , so we shut, and i wrote him telling him idont know why you treat me bad, all i do is be nice to you and im trying to forgive you for leaving me for the free life, and you did so many things to me yet im trying to gain your trust, so after that we just talked normally the day after, and he told me he was going on a \"blind date\" funny huh? i told him why wud you do that were fixing things and youhave me hes like \" i dont have youu , and who said were together?\" i was like dont you think its time already i mean i trust you, i told you i do now, and you trust me.. whats missing? hes like i just dont feel it anymore.. we dont click.. i dont have feelings for you.. he hurt me again.. so bad.. im at this phase where i think \" i could have just went out with him when he told me to even tho he was treating me bad\" but idont know.. i didnt do anything wrong :s, i tried doing everything perfectly but he said after that argument he just doesnt see it working, but hes the one who started this argument.. hes the one who did all this.. my minds going round and round i dont know why i try blaming it on myself, what do you guys think about all this :(... im very mature and wise.. my mind just isnt in the right place so please just dont critize me or tell me im dumb.. just cope with me, my hearts broken. thank you so much for taking the time to read this.. (link)
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Hi there,
I recall your history, and there are very few things you haven't been told a dozen times before, so let me be very blunt about this:
This guy and you aren't going to work out. It isn't going to happen.
He has told you that he doesn't want it to work out.
Now is the time that you have to believe him.
See the problem is, you always ask questions with a lot of detail about one specific incident, just like you did here, and the answer you need to listen to isn't something that applies only to this incident. All the incidents point to exactly ONE thing:
He is a bad person, who is unkind to you.
Don't tell me about how he is nice sometimes, and that is oh so great. This is the EXACT same thing women say when men BEAT them!
They say things like: "When he is not beating me, he can be so sweet!"
That is the reason so many people think women, as a group, are completely stupid... because you stay with people who try to end your life... until they get around to killing you.
Now, I understand you are hurt. If you don't listen to this, there is nothing I can do, or say that will help you, so please pay attention:
The ONLY reason you are hurting right now, is because you will not allow yourself to believe this relationship is over.
Period.
If you look at your history here, you have been wasting your life on this guy for a long time. Ever since he told you what he wanted to to do with his life, you have known this relationship was doomed, but you haven't let go.
You HAVE to let go. The two of you are NOT compatible. It will not EVER work.
By waiting for this guy, you are missing out on the guy who really loves you.
Lastly, here is the thing that is keeping this problem going:
"... im very mature and wise.."
... No. You. Are. Not. As long as you keep telling yourself how smart you are, you will never let yourself see what a stupid thing you are doing.
I don't mean to say you are stupid, but that you are so busy telling me how smart you are, that you can't even see what a stupid thing is happening in your life.
PLEASE stop with this guy. It is over, and the only person who is continuing to make pain for you in this situation is you.
He is not a nice person. I am having a hard time dealing with the fact that you chatted with me in the tech support chat for several hours, and apparently either didn't understand any of it, or lied to me about what you were going to do next.
You are wasting your life with this guy. Any second you spend thinking about him is a second you never get back.
This is over. When he tells you it is over, you need to believe him and let him throw his life away... NOTHING you do, or say will change what he is out there doing.
PLEASE... stop this.
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14/f
My boyfriend gave me a necklace for my birthday a few weeks ago. I wore it to school, then took it off at the end of the day in the locker room so I could change for tennis. I thought I put it in my backpack but I looked and I can't find it anywhere. I checked all around my house too. So tomorrow we have a date and he asked me to wear the necklace. I really don't want to tell him I lost it! I don't know what to do! I feel horrible! (link)
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I would like to second that opinion. As a guy, I will tell you that I would much rather have you tell me that you lost the necklace, than lie to me and prove I can't trust you.
Think about it: Today you lie about a necklace, and in the future he will never know if you are lying about being faithful to him.
He will understand. Especially since, from your description, it sounds like someone stole it.
I had someone walk off with a watch that I left behind for just a few minutes. It stinks, but it happens, and he knows that too. If he doesn't, then he has some growing up to do.
Good luck, and don't worry... he is with YOU, not the necklace. :-)
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Oh my god! Is the condom thing true? I didn't know that, seriously. I'm on birth control, but my mother always said to use condoms anyways to prevent that kind of stuff. But I was unaware that condoms don't even fully protect against STDs. Luckily for me, I plan to only ever sleep with someone I love and trust. I don't understand the mentality of hook ups. This guy is the only one I've ever slept with.
Sadly, it is a bit too late to have this talk with him. We saw each other for the last time two nights ago, but I will be back for winter break. I did ask him if there was something I was doing wrong to prevent him from being pleasured, and he assured me that was untrue. I wish he could get a day or two off here and there, but not necessarily for my own purposes. I agree with you entirely that he's working himself crazy. Unfortunately it's not really an option with his job to reschedule his week.
You're also right that I should be telling him all this. And I did, I told him that I was worried that I was the problem, but he gave me the answer I was looking for and I feel better. I want to make his life happier and better by being a part of it, not more demanding than it already is. But I also enjoy talking to you just because you have a very good perspective on the situation and helped me a lot! I think I'll go make an account to keep in touch because I'm sure college will bring many challenges. Thank you. (link)
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Hi there,
Yes, the condom thing is true. This has a lot to do with why herpes and HPV are a literal plague. :-(
For YEARS people have been telling kids that as long as they wear a condom they are golden. Not even close.
Even if you discount the condom failure rate, which as the owner of this website, I can tell you I have seen legions of people pass through with failure stories, you still have the most important part: Condoms do NOT cover your entire body!
Ready to look stupidity right in the face? Here we go:
Someone has herpes. Their outbreaks, in this case, let us say it happens on their inner thigh... there are people STILL telling kids they can't catch herpes from this person... because they are using a condom!
Hello! The condom isn't covering the herpes! Reality check calling, answer the phone please?
If you can't tell, this makes me furious.
Glad to hear you aren't going to be the new campus hook-up girl, by the way. One suggestion in that regard: Don't drink.
You will run into people that will do their best to get you plastered so they can have their way with you. Your best bet is to avoid that crowd.
IF you go to a party, I would like to give you the same advice I would give a daughter I was sending off to college:
Drink only from sealed containers. Do not drink from bottles. Cans only.
Do not let anyone else open the can for you.
Keep the drink in your sight at all times until you are done with it.
If you set a drink down, forget about it and come back... throw it away and go get a new, sealed, can.
Why? Safety seals on bottles are easy to open in a way that will make it look like it has never been opened. There are even websites out there that tell people how to do this to drug other people at parties.
An aluminum can makes it just this side of impossible for anyone to tamper with your drink. If you take the further step of cleaning the top of the can before you open it, there is very little anyone can sneak by you.
If you think I am making too big a deal about that... I am not. The stories of drug induced rape are so common now that people don't even react to it with horror anymore.
If you go to a party, and you don't follow through on what I wrote up there, you will eventually regret it, I am sorry to say.
I don't know how many questions I have seen on here from women who woke up in a strange place, with, or without any clothing, and had been raped to the point they could hardly stand.
And what can they tell the police? "I went to a party. I had a cup of orange juice, cause I don't drink... and I woke up behind a dumpster 30 miles away 10 hours later."
Having said all that, if you actually use college as a learning device, it can be a great experience with few regrets, other than student loans.
The loans themselves aren't anything to regret, unless you are going to college without a firm decision on what you want to study... then you are asking for trouble.
I hope things calm down for your boyfriend. From what little you have expressed her, he sounds like a pretty good guy.
Wish you guys had had a chance to work this out and maybe get him a day off before you left, but as you mentioned, you will be back for break... and you can make it up to him then.
I am glad for whatever help I have been, and I hope you have a good time at school.
DN.
P.S. I went ahead and assigned your questions to your account, so that you will be more easily able to locate them in the future.
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Hi I, am 32 years old and had Anal sex for the first time. I am very concerned about geting an STD. I have been with the same man for the past 7 years; what should I do? (link)
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Hi there,
You may be able to find a planned parenthood clinic near you, which would allow you to get an STD test right away:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-center/index.htm
The CDC also maintains a big list of testing places:
http://www.hivtest.org/Default.aspx
My big question at this point is this: If you have been with this guy for 7 years, what makes you think that you suddenly have an STD, when you have been having sex with him all this time already? Did he cheat on you, or are you under the impression that you can only get certain STDs through anal sex? If so, that isn't true. Anything he has, you have had for years.
Should you get tested? Sure, why not? But whatever you may have picked up, if he has anything, you probably got from him a long time ago.
STD testing is always a good idea anyway. Make sure to get your PAP done on schedule as well, since HPV isn't most likely to manifest itself in ways only your gynecologist will be likely to spot.
Good luck!
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Again, thank you for responding. I must sound very annoying by now.
Now that you lay the cards out for me that way, I can see how little time he really has and I can see how I made myself come across as some selfish bitch. It's not so much that I am trying to be selfish, it's more that I was just trying to get a second opinion on if being tired is really a reason to not be able to have good sex. I wanted to reassure myself that the problem wasn't me. Admittedly I know that makes me look rather insecure, but I guess any girl would have a small amount of self doubt in this situation.
Also the fact that we only see each other once every other week or so, I used to figure he'd enjoy the chance to have sex after so much work. And I'm leaving for college in two days and won't be able to see him again for Christmas, so I was kind of hoping that our last time together until then would be a successful session of love making. One can only hope his work schedule will improve by December, because he is a landscaper and the work will not be in as high of a demand as it is during the summer.
And yes, his dad is a total ass. He was a physically abusive father and husband when my boyfriend was a little kid, but now he is bigger than his father so the asshole has resorted to mental and verbal abuse. Unfortunately, my boyfriend has never really had a loving family environment.
Thank you for your help and listening. (link)
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You are welcome for the help and the listening. :-)
I understand the twinge of insecurity, and the desire to have a good sendoff.
I mean this is the best possible way:
Telling me about it isn't going to help HIM understand this any better.
May I suggest that you explain your feeling to him, and also explain your new understanding of the situation?
Perhaps it would also be a good idea to apologize four your insensitivity to his situation?
See, telling me any of this, isn't going to help you have a good sendoff. Technically, you may have already waited too long to do any good, but I would talk with him today and ask him if he can re-schedule a day of work or two so he can sleep for 24 hours, then spend the day with you.
I don't know if you are seeing it, but it sounds like you are already resenting the likely outcome of your sendoff... which means if you don't do something about it, you will end up resenting him, and taking your insecurity on the road with you as you head out to college.
While we are on that topic, here is something that if you will only listen to, can save your life:
Nothing, and I mean NOTHING destroys more women's lives completely than the need to sexually satisfy someone else so that they have a sense of self worth.
Please don't go to college and try to make up for the insecurity at home by have sex with other people, secretly just to prove that there isn't anything for you to be insecure about. Please?
Something else that should be part of sex-ed, but isn't: Condoms... the do NOT stop herpes (either type) or HPV (which cause genital warts and cancer) from being spread to you. Not at all. There is also NO test for HPV in men.
Just throwing that out there, in case you weren't aware.
Perhaps you should start an account here, and give back in the subjects you feel ready to help others with. I have a feeling that I will be hearing from you again as you go through college. :-)
Good luck.
P.S. What you said about thinking he would be happy to have sex after so much work? He is, trust me, but you have to be awake to enjoy such things, and he has been turned into a zombie by his schedule. I tell you this so you know that there is nothing wrong with him... ANYONE in his situation would end up in the same boat after working that schedule for only a week. When you approach him about this, please come from a perspective of care, rather than insecurity. It will make a world of difference.
Right now, he feels like he is letting YOU down, when we both know that isn't the reality of the situation here. Odds are he feels like jumping off a bridge when you aren't satisfied, so remember that when you bring this up, or you will make things much worse.
P.P.S. Man that was some post script, wasn't it? :-)
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Thank you for answering my question about my boyfriend's problem. I feel better knowing that being tired can actually the reason why. But I just felt the need to clear something up...
I'm not some money-hungry girlfriend that he needs to please. In fact, we're more like friends with benefits but I didn't feel like explaining the whole story when all I wanted to know was why he couldn't cum, so I just called him my boyfriend in the post. You see, we dated last year and broke up but now we are back together unofficially. We only see each other once every other week or so. Our relationship definitely isn't about the money, because I have a full time job myself working 40 hours a week. The reason he works so much is because his dad is a crazy abusive man that charges his 18 year old son $750 in rent a month and also makes him pay for all his own clothes and food, plus he just bought his own car finally and has been fixing it up. Sorry if I came across as rude, but I just wanted you to know that by far I am not a money-hungry bitch.
Again, thank you for the advice. I did feel hurt that he couldn't cum, because I felt like it was something about me or something I was doing wrong because being tired didn't seem like a legitimate reason. But you cleared that up for me, so thank you. (link)
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Hi there,
No problem at all. We only get to go on the info that is included, and because you didn't seem to understand that working the equivalent of 2 full time jobs plus an extra 15 hours every week would be hard... I thought you had never worked a day in your life. Hope you understand where a person might think that.
If, at any time, you think this is an excuse... ask yourself how you would do, if you worked 16 hours a day, 6 days a week. That is 96 hours.
Plus you have time to get ready, travel time... so basically 18 hours a day. All of the rest of life needs to happen in 6 hours... including sleep.
I am glad you aren't what your first question made you look like, but it still appears you are extremely insensitive to his well being, as you didn't think 18 hours total per day might be enough to make him too tired for sex.
Insisting on sex when he really needs to sleep is going to make him resent the hell out of you.
If you made a fuss about this, you should apologize, or this could be the end of the relationship. Nobody wants to be with someone who comes across as insensitive, needy and self absorbed.
That may not be who you are, but it is the impression you give by doing this.
Some day you will understand this. Maybe you will take a salaried position (don't EVER do this!) or have a couple kids... then you will understand what it is like to get by on a very small amount of sleep while putting in 16 hour days.
When you get there, I hope you can think back on this time and say something like: "OMG I can't believe I was pushing him for sex!"
In truth, it is a miracle he can get an erection at all.
By the way, it sounds like his dad is an ass.
I appreciate you taking the time to read that answer and respond.
And, now it is my turn, as I have been up 20 hours, to go get some rest. :-)
Good luck to both of you.
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