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I need YOUR help..
my boyfriend and i split up after a little more than a year and a half, its a long story and forget who broke up with who but the main reason why we fell apart was because he felt too controlled and he wanted to be free and live his life and said he didnt want a relationship anymore and totally neglected me :( , our past relationship had so many mistakes, and we split up for like 1 month and when he came back to me, i decided to do this right, he apologized and i tried to forgive him for the sake of the relationship, he asked for me back and tried to gain my trust back for a month, during that month ive told him im startin to really trust him and i would like to be together and he said \"ur rushing things, give it some time\"and i gave it time, and during that time we were fixing things how he was supposed to make it up to me, he treated me bad at times, gave me alot of attitude for no reason, for example we were supposed to go to this certain place, and he decided that maybe to keep us some company we should go somewhere else with his 2 friends that are a couple, i couldnt take a cab all the way there because i did not know where it was, so he told me to go over his firends house, which is that girl, and he would come pick me up with his guy friend, i barely even know her that well, so i \"breathed out\" hard cause i was nervous, im the type of person that just gets nervous fast because he kept raising his voice (btw, our relationship was mentally abusive, he wud always call me names and an idiot, but the reason why i held on so long is because when he treated me right i loved it and it was worth it\"anyway, when i breathed out and got mad that i didnt wanna go over her house and do all that(because where i live its not very safe)i told him im just mad cause hes basically making me do this and that and we didnt even agree on it, he was like \"dont come, what do you want me to tell you, dont come then\" im like no no ill come, hes like okay now take down this certain number, so i was in the bathroom and there was no pencil, and my mom doesnt know we talk so i couldnt get out so i grabbed a lipstick and started shaking and then it broke so im like \" i dont have a pen\" hes like Ohmygod.., im like ill jus call you back on this number,hes like its not even my phone, and he kept raising his voice.. so he shuts without sayin bye, so i call him and stood up for myself and said ive had it, ive been trying to be so nice and all you do is treat me bad, (even a couple of days ago,when he was trying to fix things he wud be like your an idiot your stupid, because i cursed by mistake or something (not at him, it was a word that sounded like a curse but wasnt) and hes like your fucking stupid) so i was like even a few days ago you kept yeling and cursing and i wrote you back saying \"lets be cool i dont wanna fight even though i didnt even do anythin wrong \" so i told him you fucked up my day im not gonna come you keep yeling and makin me all nervous so forget it, hes like just take the number im like no, you are so mean :s , so we shut, and i wrote him telling him idont know why you treat me bad, all i do is be nice to you and im trying to forgive you for leaving me for the free life, and you did so many things to me yet im trying to gain your trust, so after that we just talked normally the day after, and he told me he was going on a \"blind date\" funny huh? i told him why wud you do that were fixing things and youhave me hes like \" i dont have youu , and who said were together?\" i was like dont you think its time already i mean i trust you, i told you i do now, and you trust me.. whats missing? hes like i just dont feel it anymore.. we dont click.. i dont have feelings for you.. he hurt me again.. so bad.. im at this phase where i think \" i could have just went out with him when he told me to even tho he was treating me bad\" but idont know.. i didnt do anything wrong :s, i tried doing everything perfectly but he said after that argument he just doesnt see it working, but hes the one who started this argument.. hes the one who did all this.. my minds going round and round i dont know why i try blaming it on myself, what do you guys think about all this :(... im very mature and wise.. my mind just isnt in the right place so please just dont critize me or tell me im dumb.. just cope with me, my hearts broken. thank you so much for taking the time to read this..
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Hi there,
I recall your history, and there are very few things you haven't been told a dozen times before, so let me be very blunt about this:
This guy and you aren't going to work out. It isn't going to happen.
He has told you that he doesn't want it to work out.
Now is the time that you have to believe him.
See the problem is, you always ask questions with a lot of detail about one specific incident, just like you did here, and the answer you need to listen to isn't something that applies only to this incident. All the incidents point to exactly ONE thing:
He is a bad person, who is unkind to you.
Don't tell me about how he is nice sometimes, and that is oh so great. This is the EXACT same thing women say when men BEAT them!
They say things like: "When he is not beating me, he can be so sweet!"
That is the reason so many people think women, as a group, are completely stupid... because you stay with people who try to end your life... until they get around to killing you.
Now, I understand you are hurt. If you don't listen to this, there is nothing I can do, or say that will help you, so please pay attention:
The ONLY reason you are hurting right now, is because you will not allow yourself to believe this relationship is over.
Period.
If you look at your history here, you have been wasting your life on this guy for a long time. Ever since he told you what he wanted to to do with his life, you have known this relationship was doomed, but you haven't let go.
You HAVE to let go. The two of you are NOT compatible. It will not EVER work.
By waiting for this guy, you are missing out on the guy who really loves you.
Lastly, here is the thing that is keeping this problem going:
"... im very mature and wise.."
... No. You. Are. Not. As long as you keep telling yourself how smart you are, you will never let yourself see what a stupid thing you are doing.
I don't mean to say you are stupid, but that you are so busy telling me how smart you are, that you can't even see what a stupid thing is happening in your life.
PLEASE stop with this guy. It is over, and the only person who is continuing to make pain for you in this situation is you.
He is not a nice person. I am having a hard time dealing with the fact that you chatted with me in the tech support chat for several hours, and apparently either didn't understand any of it, or lied to me about what you were going to do next.
You are wasting your life with this guy. Any second you spend thinking about him is a second you never get back.
This is over. When he tells you it is over, you need to believe him and let him throw his life away... NOTHING you do, or say will change what he is out there doing.
PLEASE... stop this.
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