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June 15, 2019

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about

I'm an 29 year old guy.
I'll always do my best to give well considered and sincere advice - give me your best shot. P.S. Don't be afraid to ask me private questions, I rarely spend a lot of time answering non-private questions.

o.o There is apparently a FORUM for me if you would like to talk about random non-advice stuff. Take off your shoes!

advice

i was wondering how you can lose weight by having a healthy diet and excersising, but also i don't want to get a lot of muscle, i'm trying to go down a jean size, and i don't want to burn fat and get muscle there instead,

The only way I can think of to lose fat without increasing muscle is to eat less of the same stuff, or to eat things with a lot of fibre and water content, little or no fat content, and avoid carbohydrates including sugars. Look up different countries' dietary guidelines on the internet. I don't remember why I think so, but at some point I looked something up, and found out that Canada and Japan's guidelines are both outstanding for some reason. Maybe it was low levels of cancer associated with people who said they followed the guidelines.

As another aspect of your answer: Muscle weighs more than fat for the same size. If you make even a tiny amount of muscle getting the fat off, you will gain weight. At first, you need to think about it in terms of fat vs. weight. If you have too much fat, no weight is good. If your fat level is good, any weight is fine, because the remaining is muscle.

You sound like you're female by the way you say you don't want to make muscle. Women don't put on muscle ANYWHERE NEAR as easily as men, and so it probably won't matter what kind of exercise you do, you're unlikely to turn into iron-woman.

Although women tend to be stereotyped as devoid of muscles, most men will also find a well toned body quite pleasing. Don't worry about muscles, or weight. Excess fat is the real health worry.

-K

"If you have it [ Love ], you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, It doesn't matter much what else you have...",,,or so the saying goes. You see, I am in this relationship with a different nationality and religion as I am. We are both currently in a country where we are both expatriates. We've been together for more than one (1) year now. We both love each other, we have the normal quarrels that couples have. But deep in our hearts we love each other. We're like bestfriends where we can share each other anything, be there for each other no matter what. We have shared laughter and tears. But the thing is we both know that as soon as our visa expires and we are to go back to our respective countries, that would be the end of it. We both know it, its inevitable. It was hard for me to accept it before, until now actually, but slowly I have come to accept our situation. Thinking about our "doomed fate" made me feel a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Some of you might say, "then why the heck are you still in the relationship?!?". The truth? I don't know. I guess its something you can call L-O-V-E? Pretty stupid and lame huh? Or it could be I'm scared to be alone in a foreign country where you cannot trust everyone that you meet. Or perhaps because of the special bond I share with this wonderful guy. Deep inside I know I should let go before I fall too deep-in-love and later I won't be able to recover from the excruciating ache and grief...

Hi,
Well you didn't exactly ask a question, but I can see your situation.
Your visas expire, and you go home. The end, right? WHAT THE HELL? WHY? GOING HOME ISN'T THE END! Just because you go home it doesn't mean you stop loving someone, so why should it mean you stop fighting to be with them?
Why can't you apply for a visa to go to his country, or him to come to yours? Life doesn't end when you go back home. Why are you both in the foreigner country to begin with? Is there a chance you can both get visas to go back to the country again in half a year, or a year?
If you love someone, and you don't want to be separated from them, you can marry them. Countries usually offer permanent visas to expatriate partners.

-K

Has anyone else noticed that questions are the same? I mean I love this site, but latly i've been getting bored because every question is the same!! It bothers me. Like 13 year olds talking about boyfriends, friends, and sex. It's like how difficult is your life at 13?! Anyone else feel the same? ANd how can i make this site more interesting for me?

Uh well yeah. Actually I've seen the same question you just asked somewhere before. Probably got deleted because people ask it all the time.
The lives of 13 year olds can be quite complicated. Outside of those with real family and situational instability problems, they are figuring out their sexual maturity, identity, dealing with major shifts in schools, and to top all of those things, they're not as mature as older people, and have more trouble dealing with it. I'll admit that there are a lot of idiots who ask questions without thinking about it for themselves. But seriously, do you care?

If your real question is: "How can I make this site more interesting for me?" you're missing the point. Nobody forces you to read all of the garbage questions. I look at the question about the guy who wants to "lengthen his cork", smile, shake my head, and consider telling him "pull it out of the bottle and chew on it", or "Just buy a bigger cork!", but knowing he's probably stupid enough to rate me a 2 just for being sarcastic about it, I don't answer.
Advicenators is about either asking questions about serious things you don't know how to answer yourself or finding, reading, and answering questions written by others. The site is not an entertainment channel about interesting YOU. If you can't find any questions on here that "Interest" you to answer them, I suggest YouTube, or some other entertainment enterprise.

-K

I'm 15 (a sophomore in HS), and I have never really dated anyone. It's not that i don't like guys (i'm a girl if you couldn't tell), because i have in the past, but they just never seem into me. I mean i don't think I'm ugly or anything of that sort, and i have guy friends, so i'm not socially awkward. Am i being very paranoid, or is this common (or both?)?

People start dating when they feel comfortable to, and someone they want to date turns up. You can't date if you ain't GOT a date! ;)

I'm 21 and I've dated one person, when I was about 18. It varies by person, and don't let any idiots stereotype you into feeling bad about yourself because it hasn't happened for you yet.

-K

I have this big problem, that whenever I really need to have a very strong orgasm, I need to wear lipstick, my lady partner does not like this though. Which is very difficult for me because I want to have an orgasm, I dont know how I can convince her, to let it go, and let me enjoy myself. Could someone please help?

I'm presuming from your lady partner's adverse reaction to you wearing lipstick, that you are indeed not a lady yourself. Please mention things like this, rather than just implying.

Three parts I see to this problem:

Your inability to have strong orgasm without lipstick. Is there no way to train yourself out of this? What about her wearing the lipstick, and kissing her on the lips while you orgasm? Try to see if there are any workarounds you can find to this one.

Your lady friend's rigidity in not allowing you to do something harmless in order to intensify your experience. Have a serious talk to her about why she dislikes it, and see if there are things she can do to help you orgasm strongly without needing it, OR if she is willing to get used to it.

Previous two things failing... Get a shade of lipstick which is the same as your lips, apply it really carefully, and let it dry before you see her. You will be wearing lipstick, but if she can't tell, there should be no reason for her to object.

-K

I've been extremely interested (like, "Guy of my dreams" interested) in this guy in my theater department for several months now, (He actually used to be my neighbor from across the street, but I was too shy to go and talk to him) and we chat here and there, and we DO have a lot in common, and I truly see potential in us being together. However, I have absolutely no idea how he feels about me...one minute, he doesn't seem to know I exist, and the next, we're having a deep conversation...there HAVE been times where I THINK he's dropped hints, but my anxiety has prevented me from responding...I'm afraid to tell him how I feel because,
A: Being rejected sucks, but I think being the one who has to reject is even worse, and I care about him too much to put that on him. I realize that's not going to get me anywhere, but it's just the way I am.
B: I'm too darn shy, and
C: I've had experiences where guys have completely ignored me after I told them how I felt...I don't think he'd be that way, but that experience has taken a huge chunk out of my confidence level.

Anyways, I suppose what I'm trying to ask is,
1: What would be the most obvious hints a guy would typically give? (so I can avoid confusion in the future)

And 2: What can I do to prepare myself to approach the situation should I ever decide to confront him about my feelings?

Thanks everyone, I realize that was a really long post...

Hi ^_^

A: I'll re-itterate what you mentioned, and add two things:
Being rejected sucks for a while.
Rejecting someone is even worse for a while.
1: Being in Limbo sucks only a little less, for the whole time.
BUT
2: Not knowing what the answer was for the rest of your life, because you were afraid of being Rejected, or making someone Reject you sucks THE MOST, every time you think about it, FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. You should let this scare you more than the others.

B: Shyness is common. I'm incredibly shy, and to compound it, quite weird too. However there are various ways to work around being shy. ("Weird" is unfortunately difficult and incurable.)
The first is to think so long and hard about what I just said about "not knowing for the rest of your life", that you become absolutely determined not to end up like that. But like I've said to many people, knowing it isn't enough if you don't do it NOW. If you leave it for tomorrow, he could be gone. If you -always- leave it for tomorrow, one day he -will- be gone.
The second is an ongoing campaign to approach as many strangers as possible, to get rid of approach anxiety. There are whole books about approach techniques, but I will give you a tiny summary: Pick any person, at any time, and say anything to them, but this anything has to be justifiable. Whether it's a direct comment on the surrounding environment, a non-personal question which you need independent advice on ("Hi, my handbag strap just broke, but would you happen to know any good leather repair shops around here?"). Once you get decent at handling 2-3 line approaches, then you can attempt to start out with simple things such as that, and then use anything that comes out of the response as a hook to change the flow of conversation to something else. No need to go too far with this stuff, but shyness is something separate that needs to be slowly conquered.

C: Two possibilities here. Shy people don't tend to straight out say what they feel to other people. As such, if they do, they occasionally say it too ultra-directly, too fast, or just generally make the situation awkward. Especially if the receiver is unsuspecting, this can be like being hit in the face with a demand to either commit, or retreat. Most people retreat when hit in the face.
The other possibility is that the guys you've approached haven't shared your feelings, and don't want to torment you by trying to remain your friend, while not sharing your feelings.
You can't let this affect your confidence. It is not about you, it is about your relation with them. You remain the same, whether they want your affection or not. Confidence is about knowing who you are, knowing you are great, and being willing to impose your greatness on other people (carefully!).

If you are capable of deep conversation with him, it's very unlikely that he is completely oblivious to you.
1: Hints can be extremely original, so if you're not going to give us specific instances, I'm afraid I'm not very brushed up on generics.
2: Firstly, don't EVER use the word "Confront" to describe encounters with boys! That is what SCARY ladies do... ;)
Secondly, if you're shy, then try making your own sneaky hints. You won't feel like you're hitting on him, or full out telling him your feelings, but if you make good enough hints, he might reciprocate with some more hints of his own. If it becomes obvious there's mutual potential, shyness can melt away like morning frost. You can still "Break ice" given enough luke-warm water. Note, this is not an excuse to pretend to yourself that you are flirting with him, while procrastinating about it, and letting him drift until he disappears off somewhere else one day.

Don't lose your window of opportunity

-K

so theres this guy that i met at my friends house about a month ago, he is friends with my friends brother. hes one year younger than me but whatever. we met about a month ago at her house, it was fun we all just watched movies in the basement and slept over. I found out he liked me a week later, i liked him too. we talked online and then a month later which was last weekend i saw him at her house again, before i went though he told me he wanted to do stuff with me. we didnt end up doing anything because we were never alone. he likes this girl who lives an hour away who is a junior..its kind of weird.. but anyways,
on wednesday i got an IM from him and we were just kidding around about how it was funny that he took my phone and i kept on trying to get it from him. then he told me that i "wanted it" and he was being serious. and then he told me i should of given him a handjob and he was going to feel me up. and i said he could feel me up because i dont know, i still like him. so then he said, okay next time ill feel you up and you give me a handjob k? and okay i know this is really bad but i said okay. only because..i dont know..i want him to still like me..and i feel like if i said no he wouldnt be talking to me anymore..so i just okay. without even thinking about it..:[ and then all he wanted to talk about was getting his handjob and feeling me up and how i was going to do it and all of this stuff. and where we would do it. and then he asked what my bra size was and i dont know. it was getting annoying..he asked me if i would suck it and i told him no im sorry but i dont want to. and he said, okay im fine with a handjob:] ugh..i dont think i want to do that. first of all, we arent even going out. second of all, ive only seen him twice. third of all, he likes someone else. fourth of all, he told me he doesnt know if he likes me and he is split between me and someone else and that if i do these things with him he might be with me. fifth of all, my worst fear, is him telling all of his friends about it. and he used to go to my school, so im afraid word would get out that i did that to him and people would think im a slut...i told him not to tell ANYONE and he said yeah i promise dont worry. but for some reason i just dont believe that..at all..i sort of want to give him one because i like him and i just dont know..im also really afraid that now if i dont, hell be really let down and mad and never talk to me again. im stuck. he thinks im going to give him one..and i dont know if i want to..its a lose lose situation i mean if i dont, ill be let down by him and he wont talk to me..if i do, im afraid hell tell people..but then again maybe he wont? i have no idea. and also, thursday night he was litterally begging me for a half hour for me to send a picture of my upper chest for him. i said no i dont think its a good idea incase people find out and he just kept on saying no please im trustworthy please come on i promise i wont please. and then after i said no in the nicest way possible at least 20 times, he asked me if he could use his mouth feeling me up and i just said yeah i mean i guess and he said he would. then he texted me and told me how big he was and asked if i liked it. ugh i just feel like such a slut if i gave him a handjob. its gonna end badly, i just know it. and also this would be my first time giving one..and he knows that too..ugh i dont know what to do..i like him, a lot, and im afraid...ugh im just so afraid. someone please help me.

Short answer this time:
I only needed to skim read your question to know that this guy is bad news. Don't do anything sexual with him.

Why do you like him? Does he seem "cool"? "Dangerous"? "Fun"?

Make yourself a list of things you like about him.
Once you have a list, look at each thing, and write why you think it, and whether you have any proof, or logical reason for thinking it. It doesn't sound to me like you really know him too well.

I second the other answers. Unless you're looking for a gratuitous "lover" with no strings attached, then stay away.

-K

Where is a good place to get really cute sundresses. I'm looking for unique places. Not places that everyone knows about. For example, Forever 21 and charlote rouse(sp) everyone knows. I jsut want cute dresses that not a lot of people will have. Websites would be great. Also, even boutiques would be awesome. Thanks!!

Hi,
I'm not from America, but I'm presuming you are, because you didn't say what city, state, or even country you're talking about, so that's usually Americans.
I can't answer your question, so please don't rate me, but I think you need to add what town you live in, because otherwise it's useless for people to try to answer, if they tell you about shops that are close to them, they will probably be on the other side of the country.
If you want unique clothing, you should look in your phone directory for small boutiques. Look for small independent clothing shops, because they usually have more unique, cool clothing (unfortunately may be slightly more expensive).
Another thing you can try (takes lots of time) is making your own stuff. This way, not only can you make it fit uber well, but you can make whatever you want, with whatever pattern, fabric, stitching, etc. that you want, and NOBODY ELSE in the whole world will have one. ;)

-K

I do not want this earth anymore, i want to go, i do not belong here, I do not like pain, so i have to do it painless.

First: I am sorry you feel so bad, so hurt, so shit, so crap, like you have nobody left who is worth staying around for. My answer is late, so hopefully you are reading it, and you have already found a little spark of a reason to wait for a few more days to think.

Second: Nobody here is allowed to give you an answer to what you are asking.

Third: If you are going to ask questions on Advicenators then please ask questions about what is wrong. We won't tell you how to kill yourself. We WILL help you to find how to stop feeling so bad you feel like you need to do so. BUT, we are not mind readers.

Please share your problems with us.

We will answer.

-K

I am a total worrier
But the one thing I worry about is sex really.

So here are some questions

1) What position are you usually in if your being fingered - what should you do ? where should your hands go?

2) And if your making out and you want to actually do it and he puts on the condom - doesn't that like kill the mood a little?? Like your all in the mood and then its like wait, let me put one on..how long would it take?

3) Can you tell me of how it feels for the first time? What it's like?

4) Being fingered ; does it hurt?

5)Do guys ever look at your body naked whilst your having sex. I never go into relationships because I hate my body and I wouldnt want someone else looking at it

1) What position are you usually in if your being fingered - what should you do ? where should your hands go?

1) Personal preference. Whatever feels best. Commonly either lying on your back, or on your hands and knees with your rear end facing the person fingering you. Hands are either supporting yourself, if kneeling, or doing whatever they want. They can be by your sides, helping make sure he doesn't miss, or helping him make sure you have a good time.

2) Not if you help. "Mood" is anticipation, passion, kissing him while he opens the foil packet. Condoms don't take very long to put on, but it shouldn't be rushed. Trapped air in the tip of a condom dramatically increases the probability of breakage = b.a.d.

3) I can't answer this one.

4) I don't know with regard to virgins. I've heard that the first few times have the potential to hurt, but it is the same for penile sex. After that, it shouldn't hurt unless s/he is being too rough, or too vigorous. If it hurts, SAY SO.

5) "Do guys ever look at your body naked whilst you're having sex?"
Darling, if they are whistling and staring up at the ceiling, then you shouldn't be having sex with them. Likewise, unless you intend on having sex fully clothed (a little difficult), YES, he will be looking at your body.
"I hate my body" is another problem. You should try looking up advice about body image. There are two things you can do about your body:
Realise it's not so bad, maybe even really great, but you just have a low self-image of it
OR fix it: for example if you thought you were fat, don't shouldn't just say "I hate my body, oh well..." instead say "I hate being fat, I'm going to f#@$# DO something to slim." and then do it.

Lastly: your question indicates you avoid relationships because of your body.
You sound like you don't know heaps about sex, or relationships. From that, and the way you speak, I am guessing maybe 15-ish. Relationships are not only about your body, and letting other people see you naked. That's the kind of thinking that "your grandma would be ashamed of you" for. But it's not because Gran is old, it's because Gran was young AGES ago, and has had A LOT of time to think things over. Good relationships are great friendships, with natural physical attraction added in. If you get into a REAL relationship, by the time he sees your naked body, he should be able to make you feel beautiful by just being near him. If you're worried, you're not comfortable enough with him.

-K

I had to wipe everything from my computer and start from scratch. I didn't have a Windows CD, so used a friends.. and it was pretty crap, cos it seems like I had to download everything myself anyway.
There's one thing I'm stuck on, though.
When I plug my ipod/iphone in, this comes up:

http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b75/lanlanlan/4544.jpg

I tried to see if there were any available ports, but it said there wasn't.

I figured this could be the reason why itunes doesn't recognize my device.

So....
how do I rectify this problem?

Thanks guys x

I don't know about needing drivers, but that message is not a reason for iTunes not to be recognizing a device. Is the device an iPod? If it's something else that says it's supposed to work with iTunes, suspect the device, check and see if anyone else has had the same problem.
What the message you got means that the port you connected the device to is acting as a USB standard 1 port, and that the device supports USB standard 2 (which is major league faster). It is still connecting, but it's telling you if you plugged it into a USB 2 port it would be faster.

-K

I got the new Ipod Nano and I plugged it into my computer and opened Itunes, and it says "Save the Software License Agreement" and I saved it so many times, and the page won't change. So I can't get to the part to put stuff on the ipod. How do I fix this?

You can try:

Check for updates to iTunes.
Check inside iTunes for a screen that gives you options for your iPod, and check for firmware updates for the iPod.

Uninstall, and re-install iTunes -WARNING- doing this might remove ratings, or all your songs from iTunes, you might have to re-add/rerate all your songs.

Searching Apple's website for people who had the same problem, or Apple advisories about problems that are in the process of being patched.

Contacting the Apple store.

Because it's a new piece of equipment, there can be bugs that Apple hasn't ironed out yet.

ugh, okay so. im 17/f. lesbian, ha.
ive had sex with one guy, once, like two years ago.

my girlfriend and i have been dating for 10 months and i bleed when we have sex! ugh. its gross and i feel weird. i dont know why i do. this is kinda awkward for me to be saying this, ha.. buuuut she only uses two fingers.. and shes not like a giant with man hands. we dont use strap ons or dildos or anything..
and i dont bleed every single time.
but alot of the time i do..

does anyone know why?!

Hi,
first off, I'm a guy, so I'm not ultra qualified to comment on this (but:)
Maybe your Hymen is intact, and your girlfriend is breaking it. I heard it bleeds, but I also thought it was a once-off thing.

Please consult a gynecologist (Doctor specializing in vaginal health care). Recurrent bleeding is not good, but when relating to sexual, brain, kidney, pancreas, and other various organs can indicate serious medical conditions.

Apart from that, like you said, it's got to be awkward.

-K

k so i have this reaaalllyyy good friend that used to have a gf and i had a bf so we didn't hang out that much then i broke up with my bf and started hanging out with him A LOT like almost 4 5 times per week. oh yea his gf lived in another town so they never see each toher ..anyway we became really close friends adn then she broke up with him so we started going out even more frecuently...one day we finally started kissing...then hooked up and we've been like that since almost 2 months ago and he broke up with her prolly 3 ago ...anyway ..so i once told him i didn't want us to make out anymore or go further because i really really liked him, ( meaning like if he is not looking for a relationship with me dont make out with me anymroe cause i was serious about him) and he was like we've been close friends since almost 3 years and you know i wouldnt do that to you (kiss me and all if he didn't like me ) i wouldnt be doing that to you i like you too. so that was okey..but its been a month and a half of that!!! thats like 2723 hang outs . and 2324 times making out.
and i get confused cause one day we make out and the next day we go to the movies or somethign and just hang out as friends!and kiss goodbye on the cheek..then the next day we hang out and we're making out and kisses me goodbye on the lips ..i mean like wtf is he thinkin??? i¿d prefer getting a guys opinion about this..cause he said he wouldnt hurt me or anything (like using me blabla ) and it just seems to me like he's doing it by treating me like we're dating one day and the next we're just friends then like we're dating blablabla ..like i dont know where we're standing. and i feel like i dont want to ask him cause thats what i mean when i told him i didnt wanted to hook up if this was meaningless to him i dont want to look like im rushing it to be in a relationship with me or somethign ...i was just wondering ...do you guys find this normal if you where dating someone?cause its like we're "dating " in an intermitent way i guess one day we're kissing the next we act like nothings going on like what would i do if he just all of the sudden starts dating someone else blabla or what if i wanna date soemone else? like im no t sure if im dating soemone by the way we act right now ... so what should i do?

thanks in advance

Hi, (21M)
Because your question is long, I'll break it into parts, and answer them in the order I think is most useful.

First, you say that you broke up with your bf and started hanging out with him (while he still had a girlfriend, I think)
Then three months ago his girlfriend broke up with him.
Then two months ago you guys hooked up.

Depending on what you mean by "hooked up", your times don't match.
Possibilities:
1. You were going out with him properly while he still had a girlfriend.
2. You were seeing him, but you're not calling it hooking up, because you weren't making out.
3. You guys separated from your respective girl/boyfriends around the same time, and then you guys got together a little later.

In case 3, everything is as it should be in terms of "one at a time".
In cases 1 and 2, I have a question:
If you were hanging out with him almost every day for a month, while he had a girlfriend... was it really her who broke up with him? If he is interested in you, and he did not instigate the breakup, why not?
It's possible that she found out about you, and broke up with him for that, but either way, if it was not him doing the breaking up, then I have to be suspicious of him to some extent. Did he want to keep his other girlfriend in the dark, and have you too?

With respect to telling him to be serious about the relationship, or stop making out with you:
It's not clear what you told him exactly, but he obviously responded to it, by behaving the way he is now.

Keep in mind that if you tell an insincere boy that he has two options: Just friends, or Serious relationship; and then attach two conditions:
a) Just friends = no messing around.
b) Serious relationship = Making out + potential.
Which would the insincere boy choose? My bet is on 'b', for B cautious.

"He said he wouldnt hurt me or anything (like using me blabla)" - This is worth 0. There is no way to know if this is the truth or not. Jerks who just want sex will say it to get what they want. Honest good guys will say it because they mean it.

"I dont want to look like I'm rushing him to be in a relationship" - Then don't rush things. The longer you make him chase you, the less likelihood he is insincere. On the other hand, if you make him chase you too far without any hope, even the most sincere relationship will break off in despair. Relationships about way more than making out, and I'm not talking more serious physical contact, I mean psychological support, love, all those soppy words which nobody really likes to hear about, but in the end hope are true. This is what your real question, now, is about.

For the last month and a half you say you two have been make out one day, lip kissing, and then the next day go to the movies as friends, and kiss on cheek. That sort of stuff. Like you don't know where you're standing, 'dating' in an intermittent way, but you're not even sure if you're 'dating' someone.
You don't like not having relationship certainty. Nobody does.

Before going into what you should do about it, I'll explain what's called "push/pull", or "love/hate". This is the principle that when people are secure with another person, they are happy enough. But if the relationship with the other person becomes uncertain, or looks like being lost, then it becomes important.

Imagine:
Someone you like suddenly tells you they HATE you
If a person you don't associate with says they hate you, you could easily ignore it.
But your feelings for a person you like give them much more power to make you feel crap than an normal person.
When the same person who said they HATE you, and made you feel so terrible does a backflip, and suddenly they LIKE you again, it feels wonderful. They not only take away the pain they caused you, but it goes further, it's warming, healing, relaxing, whatever you will.
BUT... then they do it again. Only now they're more important to you, because they just made you feel wonderful, better than anyone has in ages.
They HATE you again, and it makes you feel so bad you almost want to curl up and die this time.
A few days later, they call you, and the whole "push/pull" starts over again.
Repeated cycling of this type of push/pull creates a bond between people way WAY stronger than just liking someone continually for the same amount of time.
I accidentally did this once to a female friend of mine, and she's still the most reactive, closely bound friend I have. I wasn't even intending to at the time, but I realised afterwards that I'd done it, and was shocked at how amazingly effective it was at creating a bond between us.
Now, this is of course an example, but also a process, with different degrees, in different methods. He's not even telling you he hates you, he is just being passionate one day, and cold-fish the next. But it's similar. It might not be intentional. Maybe it is. The sure thing; it's happening.

In countering push/pull, when the person being subjected to it finds out, they should do something decisive to stop themselves from being manipulated. Generally that would mean either removing themselves from the pusher/puller, or affecting the relationship with the pusher/puller in such a way that it stops (without alerting the pusher/puller to the fact that they have noticed the technique.)

In your case, I suggest you deprive him of his PULL: making out. Be uncomfortable about making out, think of a good excuse, and make your lips STRICTLY unavailable to him, repeatedly.
By doing this you are not only breaking his cycle, but you're effectively stealing his PULL, and using it as a PUSH for yourself, against him. You're making him uncomfortable with the stability of his position, and forcing him to react. You can PULL later if you need to, but for a start, let's make him feel like you, let's make him wonder if he's going out with you or not. Maybe then he'll have to make up his mind.

If he's scared being serious will ruin your friendship, because of what you said to him, he could be trying to play it slow, in which case he should withstand the pushing. He will almost certainly notice something strange about the way you are acting if you change the status-quo by becoming "unavailable" to make out.
This is a chance to see how he reacts.
His reaction is the most important indicator about whether he is serious, playing, loves you, Everything.

He might ask you to talk. Be prepared for questions about why you haven't been making out. Don't take this the wrong way, but if he isn't serious, then be prepared not to be manipulated by any emotional shit that players have up their sleeves to try to salvage precarious relationships. Don't let him flick any switches in your head. Up 'till now you haven't known 100% what is going on. From now on YOU are driving, because you DESERVE to know how you stand. When either of you doesn't, it's not a fair relationship.

Final note after reading the other response: True, lots of guys won't want to approach you to talk. If you go cold, and he looks like running, maybe it's best you initiate a talk.

Hope things go well for you ^.-
-K

and I have no idea what to get my boyfriend.we've been going out since xmas eve 08. he's 17 nd im 16. please help me think of something I can do for him or give him that he would like if you need any more information just ask ill let you know. thankyou for your time! thanks in advance!

View this question: http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=555914
The question has some good ideas, and I answered it with some ideas of my own.
You could also search Advicenators for other people who've asked the same question.

Okay so I realize it's a little early to be worrying about Valentine's Day gifts but I really want to do something big this year and I need to start thinking of ideas now. My boyfriend is nineteen years old and I am making him a Valentine's Day gift basket. I'm also cooking him dinner. The basket can be as small or as large as it needs to be, depending on how many things I can think to put in it. Basically I'm looking for additional ideas on what to put in it besides what I already have and any other not too expensive gifts. For the basket I'm already making him heart shaped chocolates, a card, a poem, a framed picture of me and a photo snapbook of about twenty of our pictures. I would like to do a little coupon book for him as well with coupons for cooking his favorite dinner, my treat to the movies, etc. and any ideas on that would be helpful as well. Thank you so much =)

Well seeing as you're thinking about it this early, you have a chance to innocently suss out what he would like, but isn't conscious enough of to go out and buy himself. A bunch of small, insignificant seeming cheap stuff can often mean a lot if it is the right stuff.

One thing about getting presents from girls:
As long as they are not unusual and repulsive, in relationship terms, the monetary value of the contents hardly matters. What matters is how the present relates your feelings towards the boy, and is relevant to your interpersonal connection. If he ever said that he likes a ribbon you tie your hair with, or the perfume you wear, then make sure you tie a bow for the basket with a perfumed ribbon.

Another thing that melts me is knowing something took time. I recently received a novel in a different language, which a female friend of mine had annotated for me, to enable my reading of it. I had jokingly asked her months beforehand to do so, but was never seriously expecting anything of her. Just the fact that it must have taken her AGES makes me feel valuable.
In that respect, how are you at craft? Is there any chance of writing/painting the poem onto the picture frame, and spending time decorating it intricately?

The coupon book is a good idea. I would suggest you make a few special coupons which go at the back. One for a kiss. One for a hug. One with a question mark. You decide what the question mark ends up as. It doesn't have to be "the obvious", maybe you could write him a love letter and give it to him if he ever plays the question coupon, or figure out something ridiculous to do which is sure to make him smile. Make sure he knows that these last coupons are special. He can use them at any time he wants, whether or not you are pissed off with him, but only ever use them once. If you want to go for symbolistic flair, you could glue match sticks to these three, and the igniter side of a match box to the back of the book of coupons. If he wants to use any of the last three coupons, it must be struck.

Depending on what kind of guy he is, there are some things that guys aren't allowed to have unless given to them by a girl. For instance, bath products, or a teddy named after yourself. It can be nice to be "feminised" by a girl once in a while.

Lastly, you should try to think of a romantic way to deliver the basket. If you have access to his bed, and a florist/garden full of roses, you could put the basket in the middle of his bed surrounded by rose-petals. Be creative about it.

Valentines is hardly about the gift. It is about the person giving the gift, and the effort they go to, to give part of themselves.

Have fun
-K

is there any good way to tell someone you like them without straight up saying i like you? i think it would just be random, and i'm 18 and have never told ANYONE ive liked them before but i've decided i need to tell this boy. i've liked him for three years now !! its a confusing situation but i just dont want to be random about it so id like to know how people have told others they've liked them, and how it worked out :) thanks!

Hey,
first off, I would like to thank you so much for even considering being the first to make a move towards a guy. Girls just don't do it, and it's unfair.

But to answer your question:
Don't try! There is no safe way to 'tell' a guy you like him.

How well do you know him? You say you've been onto him for 3 years... what kind of relation do you have with him? Please tell me you're not his "friend".
I agree that he needs to find out that you like him, because if he doesn't find out soon, he will be gone while you are sleeping, dreaming about telling him.
What I disagree with is the word "tell". It is blunt, and really should only ever be used when the other person already knows, or suspects what they are being told. The exception to this is when people have been deceived, and are being "informed" of how they really stand.
So if we rule out telling, we have every English teacher's favourite word: "showing".

Flirt with him.

(being careful not to overdo it and become stalkerlike) I'm not exactly the king of flirt myself, so I will leave it up to the thousands of questions on flirting that have already been answered to give you advice on that one.

In this case flirting is like a game of scrabble. As you lay out your innocent words, like "nice" "haircut" "would" "you" "care" "to" "dance", and add to your score, he will hopefully start to notice your presence, just how interesting you are, and if he's clever, he'll know you want him to dance.

Just once more I'll say: If you are too direct about things, there is an immediacy and requirement to respond, sometimes in unpredictable and unfavourable ways (and also plenty of players willing to "reciprocate and manipulate"), yet if you tangibly hint at things, and wait until he is used to the idea, perhaps even wishing something would happen between you, and then play the card of directness, then you are much more likely to achieve a positive response. At the same time, you'll elude a lot of players, who are just in for the quick-card.

If you've already been flirting, and it just doesn't seem to be going anywhere, try a review of your flirting techniques, take it further, or if you think it's time, play you card simple. Get him alone, say "(name), I want you to know. I like you." best not to expect an instant answer.

Good luck,
Hope he reciprocates

ok sometimes when my boyfriend and i are making out and stuff, he kinda almost gets some kind of rash around his upper chest/neck area. is this normal? someone told me that happens when the guy is turned on?

(To get a little too personal;) That happens to me too. It seems similar to a hot flush, but perhaps also a dehydration thing. See what happens after he drinks a couple of large glasses of water.

i have a panasonic hd camera. the kind where it only has a memory chip, no cds or anything.
i jut got a new macbook for christmas. and i'm trying to upload some videos. but i don't know how haha.
it says that it's plugged in (by the light on the usb cord) but not on the computer. and i'm trying to upload it to youtube, but it doesn't show up anywhere on my computer.
if anyone knows how, could you just give me an easy step by step procedure to follow? thank you(:

Hey,
You need to open iMovie, or if that doesn't work, maybe iDVD. They're the Mac programs which interface with cameras. I haven't used either for years, so I can't give you concise steps, but once you're in the program, there will be editing, and import modes. You want to find the option to import footage from your camera. Once you've imported it, you'll have to figure the program out yourself to edit it (there are probably plenty of mac-made tutorials), and when it's edited, you'll have to save it, and pick a format to save it as. In terms of formats, check with youtube to see what formats, and bitrates are acceptable for uploads, and follow their guidelines.

Good luck

A few years ago I had a dream that I was in a car accident with my oldest child, and about a year later in 2006 I was. Several months ago I had three dreams in a row that I got hit by a train, instead a lady ran a stoplight flying down the road like an idiot and totalled my car. Well a few days ago I started having this really bad feeling that I was going to be in a car accident. I can feel the pain. I am scared to drive. This time I didn't have a dream but I can feel something bad is going to happen. I was telling a close friend the other day and the scary thing is she had a dream about it.

Hi,
I know what it's like to have dreams, and then see something from them come real. I hardly ever dream, so when I do have dreams, and then I see people I haven't seen in three years a few days after they turn up in my dreams, it is unusual to say the least. For that reason, it could be pretty scary to have a nightmare.
Dreams tell us things about what we are thinking, but we don't even know we're thinking about, and perhaps (and I don't have to slightest clue how) sometimes what will happen around us in the future.
That being said, "about a year later" is quite a long time to wait for the event foretold in a dream. Being hit by a train is quite different from having your car totaled, and from the tone of your question, it doesn't sound like you personally came to harm, just the car, is that right?
The point is that bad things happen in everyone's life. Some people seem to attract them like magnets, while others walk off scot free. Being cautious in your every day life will stop you from being run over at pedestrian crossings by maniacs running red-lights. Double checking before you make a turn will stop you being side-swiped. I know that I could have been dead a few months ago if I hadn't noticed someone overtaking me on my bike while I was signaling to turn. But worrying about bad things that might happen is what stops people from living.
If you worry about a car accident, and take the bus or a train, you don't know that it won't change like your totalled car.

I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm trying to make you more worried about everything. It's not my intention. I'd just like you to realise that even if you are worried, things aren't certain, and worrying will simply make you less attentive, more accident prone, and less happy.

Accidents happen to the best of people, what matters is how we live between them. If it makes you feel safe, don't drive. Our ancestors didn't. But please be happy.

A note for next time: after stating your situation, please ask a direct question or two. It would give answerers a handle on what you want guidance on!

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