Brandi_S's advice column

I'm a mother of 2 boys who are 13 months apart. Talk about a handful. I'm a wife to the best husband I could have ever dreamed of.
I'm one of the very blessed.

I have Bipolar 1 Disorder. I hate taking all these medications and always going to doctors appointments, but life is too short to let mental illness get the better of me.

Often times life is a challenge, and nobody knows that better than me. I wake up wondering if this is going to be a day my illness overpowers my meds, and either sends me flying like a bat out of hell, or leaves me laying on the couch like a wet dish rag.

Thank all that is good in the world that I have an excellent support system at home.
I'm one of the lucky ones.

I'm honest, and that can either be a perk or s flaw. Depends on how you choose to look at it.
I like to see it as a perk, because it's better to hear the truth than to be told candy coated bullshit.

advice

I do not know where to start but to make the long story short i hate my self and my life I am 25 years old i am not capable of having any kind of relationship cause I am the person you want call when u r having bad times however I am never there when u r having good time. Moreover,I finished law faculty but hate it so never practiced.I have done my master degree on something else, event management, but hate it as well. Right now I do not know what I want to in my life. So I have start to think best thing to is commit suicide....do you know the easiest and quickest way to do it.

First off, you need to get help. Not next week, not tomorrow, but like yesterday.
Phone. 911. Immediately. Not joking.

So folks call on you when they're having bad times. That means you are a reliable shoulder to lean on, obviously. But why don't these folks call on you for having a good time? Have you asked them? If not, you should.
EVERY relationship, friends, significant others, family, etc., thrives on communication. You need to tell them how you feel about this.

I mean, come on. They come to you when their times are tough, shouldn't you be able to go to them in return? Yes. You should. If they don't like that, then you are rolling with the wrong crowd.

So you hate law, and you hate event management. Well, don't cut yourself down for that. At least you are a person who finishes what they start, even if they don't like it. You have degrees to prove that. But just because you have degrees in such areas of work doesn't mean that's what you have to do in your life.

What do you LIKE to do? Seriously. Sit down and think hard about it. Do you have a dream of what you'd like to be doing for work? No, no. Don't base 'dream career' on salary. Money is nice and all, but it doesn't buy happiness. An enjoyable job will create happiness.

An enjoyable job is basically getting paid for doing something you find fun and/or interesting. I mean, if you think you'd be happiest working at scraping barnacles off of tug boats, then why not try it out?
Perhaps you like crafts, and you'd be happiest working in a crafts store with dreams of owning your own someday. Then why not try it out?

You may not just like the job, but LOVE it.

I'm telling you, my friend, a job you love is a job worth having, no matter what the pay. Shoot, if I got paid $5.00/hour to pet and care for fluffy bunny rabbits all day, it wouldn't be a job, really. It would be enjoyable to do, and I'd get paid for it.
I love roller coasters. I think it would be fun to design one mean, nasty thrill ride of a coaster. And I'd get paid for having such a good time.
Can't beat that with a whole heap of sticks.

Catch my drift?

Now. Suicide is NOT the answer to your problems. Sometimes it may look that way, but looks are QUITE deceiving. It's honestly a very selfish act.
(Yah, those one folks who are only looking you up when things aren't going good, being a part of the reason you feel the way you do.... Take them out of this equation.)

Think of your family and TRUE friends. By killing you, you're killing them inside, too. You're killing a part of them. You are an important part of their lives. Nobody deserves having a loved one do that to them because life is hard.

It will cause them a lifetime of pain and self-blame: "I should have... If only... Because I didn't only, I'm to blame..."
And it goes on and on for a lifetime. It will always be there in the back of their minds, haunting them like an evil ghost.

Ever stop to think about them? Ever stop to think of how you taking your life would effect them?
That's why suicide is a selfish act.

I'm not coming down hard on you to make you feel worse. I'm just being honest. I'm trying to make sure your eyes are open, and that you are seeing the world outside of your box.

Make sense?
I certainly hope so.

What IS the answer, is making the effort to figure out what needs to be changed in order to make your life happy. Then do whatever possible to CHANGE it. If it can't be changed, you need to learn to accept it, adapt to it, overcome it.

Yah, often times it isn't an easy task, but you are worth doing that for yourself, you know.

So. Start by dialing 911. I'm serious as a heart attack. You need to seek immediate medical help for your suicidal urge. Some good ol' head therapy would be awesome for you right now. The hospital WILL see that you get the attention you need.

After that first, crucial step, you need to reevaluate everything in your life that is filling you with all this negativity, and make the effort to replace it with positives.

Again, because I can't stress it enough, it's because you are worth the effort to do these things for yourself.

I certainly hope you realize that and heed the advice everyone has given.

ygs-29/f