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depresed single and pregnant at 23
In short, I am unsure how to get over myself and put my son first.
In order to get over an ex of one year i started smoking MJ and sleeping with a former high school mate. The condom broke after the second or third time and i ended up pregnant. The major problem is I still love my ex and i am having difficulty with the question, "why God? why not my ex whom i loved and wanted to have a child with some day? why this person whom i dont deeply care for, who should have just been a blip in my life but now is much more?" i've been diagnosed with quite a bit but major depression is the main thing (to keep it short). i cry almost every day. i dont want to be a mom...im too crazy and impatient and angry. i hate myself for doing this to an innocent person.it makes me almost suicidal...but my beliefs wont allow me to hurt myself anymore or my child.
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You simpy need to calm down. You need to let go of your ex because if he left you then he obviously is over you, and your wasting your time. If you keep smoking MJ, then having a child isn't going to be your problem; having a retarted child will. Your only complicating your problems. If you settle down and handle things maturly, that means without drugs, then yowill eventually find someone out there for you. Someone better than some former high school classmate. Honestly now. You deserve a whole lot of credit, though, for not having an abortion.
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You sound like a sensible person, so I would assume that you stopped smoking MJ since you discovered you were pregnant. Things usually don't happen in life as we want them to and sometimes as we plan for them to. What's important is that your basic needs get met, you stay in good health and maintain a constant love for self. It's always important to look for the silver lining in every dark cloud, they are always there. If you feel you are not ready to be a mum, that's okay. Just keep in mind that there are good people who can't have children of their own and are always looking to adopt. You have healthy options available to you; you can continue to work on your issues and parent your child, or you could look for a good person or family looking for a child to raise. Either way before you make a decision, I strongly encourage you to explore your options with the help of a therapist.
Good luck
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I have SO been in your situation (minus the anger/crazy although I felt crazy at the time). Don't think for a minute that the Creator doesn't have a sense of humor (or a tricky side, I tell ya). I wanted a baby SO bad! When I was with my now ex-bf we tried and tried actively for over 5 years to get pregnant and stay that way - couldn't get pregnant and the times I did I always miscarried in the first trimester!...and then when we broke up, I turned to a guy that I dated before for comfort, he was much like my "rock" when I fell: and a true best friend.
Guess what? I got pregnant THAT month and carried to full term! Strangely enough, I have always stayed with one guy and one guy only. ONLY that one particular month in my ENTIRE life, I had slept with both guys within a week of each other- I hadn't even been with more than one guy within months of each other! (something I would have NEVER done before! The guilt ran deep I tell ya..) I actually fell into the category of not knowing exactly whose baby it was..I was completely devastated and felt really trashy because I wasn't raised that way! Even though I'm not religious, I still felt guilt and shame.
You know: Life does throw ya some curve balls!..and the creator "works in mysterious ways".
Anyway, my ex and I naturally ended up back together, and according to the OB my pregnancy date was the day that belonged to my ex...I found out later (as she grew to look so much like my best friend), that he was mistaken. But my ex was there for her birth and I gave her his last name honestly thinking she belonged to him!
What a conundrum!! "Careful what you ask for because you just might get it!": one of my other favorite mottos. I wanted and asked for a baby fervently.. and this is how the Creator gave it to me!
I believe that you will love this baby no matter what! AND maybe if your ex loves you enough he will come help you raise this child!
Oddly enough, in my situation, we three sat down and decided that my ex would be the father and my best friend would take the role of "uncle" that way he could actively be in her life..
As I always say- communication and truth go a long way. If your ex isn't willing to come back and be with you during this difficult time, then he probably wasn't worth your love anyway! And think about what kind of father that would make him?!
I'm sorry that this happened to you, much like it happened to me- but your old enough now that you really can "reach down into that well of strength" and draw on it when you need it most.
Have you always had depression? Or are you mainly depressed because of the way things are going in your life right now? If it's number two, I want you to know that whether your baby has a father right now, won't make a difference at all about how very much you love him/her!
I can't cure your depression, but you said you wanted a baby. Now: concentrate on that beautiful being growing inside you- it's really a feeling like NO other in this universe. And yes, you should seek out some counseling if you find yourself crying everyday. It's not healthy for you or the wonderful being growing inside you!
If your ex won't come back, and you really, really feel that you cannot do this alone (although I truly think that you can). Now is the time to weigh your options: keep the baby, adopt the baby out or..abort it. Please before you do anything drastic, talk to your ex, he may be very willing to take the responsibility of being a father, whether it is his or not!
As hard as it may be, you should turn to your family for help- they will likely be upset at first- but once they see that beautiful being- they will love it ALMOST as much as you will- and believe me THIS is a love that you just cannot "find"..a love like no other.
I know from experience that the wonders of motherhood (whether it is biological or "step") never ever cease!
AND now I know why things turned out the way they did for me...my daughter's biological father passed on before she even got a chance to know what a wonderful person he was...and my ex..well he didn't make such a good husband and father anyway- not much at all! But, now I have this wonderful little curly headed, beautiful, smart piece of ME that I can shower ALL my love on and that loves me unconditionally and with no strings attached!
So, now I'm a "single" mom, with a daughter that IS MY HEART. I don't have any regrets, although I was confused as heck back then. And, I've been dating a great guy for over a year, that my seven year old daughter adores more than her supposed "dad on the birth certificate"..
Just remember, "what doesn't break you makes you stronger"; and "for everything there is a reason"..you just don't know what that reason is quite yet and that is the most difficult hurdle to overcome.
You'll be in my thoughts and I'm sending many Blessings!
Jasmine Moon
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Well, since you've been diagnosed with depression, and also you know you're expecting a son, I'm going to say it's a safe guess that you are seeing a doctor for your pregnancy.
Ask your doctor if there are any support groups in your area for women in similar situations. That could be a big help to you knowing for fact that you aren't alone, and having access to lean on someone who knows what you are going through.
If you haven't already, seek counseling for your anger and depression, as well. Doing these things can help you get a clear outlook on your situation. When your outlook is clear, you can be better able to decide what is the best thing to do for your son and yourself.
The way you are feeling isn't helped in the least by pregnancy hormones, which can really mess up your mind-set. Those lovely hormones only seem to amplify craziness, sadness, and anger.
I know. Been there. I had times where I felt I was actually going crazy.
I have two baby boys as of a week and a half ago, and they are only 13 months apart. I spent most of 2 years being pregnant, and I know how it feels to have depression come on during pregnancy.
Sometimes it feels like the end of the world, even when your logic says it's nowhere near that bad.
But our situations are different. You are single, and your son is not by the man you love. I'm married, and my sons are with the man I love. I wish I were able to give you the support through this that you need, but I really can't, because I've never walked in your shoes.
I can tell you from my own personal experience, that though I fought depression during my second pregnancy (and my body was also sore and tired from the first), when I heard my son cry for the first time, and then saw him for the first time, I was overcome by love for him. I realized that the fight was well worth it.
Maybe you'll feel that love, too? Maybe you won't. We are all different. But if you do feel that love, there is no other love like it.
If it helps, try not to think of your son as being part of a man you don't love, but as part of YOU. Right now, you are as physically close to him as you will ever get, because he's a part of YOU- a part of your physical being. It's your egg, your womb, your nurturing that is making this young lad's existence possible.
Make sense?
Try to think of how you are creating a special little boy, whether he lights up your life, or you opt to allow him to light up the life of another family.
In other words, try to focus on the good stuff as much as you can. Seek out counseling and support groups for help with overcoming the bad stuff.
Hang in there. You're stronger than you realize.
ygs-29/f
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This is a truly tough situation and you will have to make some tough decisions...you either have to learn to adapt to the incoming environment or accept that you cannot care for the child. If you are fully unable to care for a child at the time then you should give him or her up for adoption. You can choose the parents...you can even do an open adoption or hold interviews. By giving your child to another family he or she will have the loving care and environment they need to do well. I know it's a tough decision to make...but if you are unable to care for this child then it is the best option. You wont be hurting your child...you'll be helping him or her. The child will have a better life in the long run and you will have time to focus on caring for yourself and your personal problems.
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