And the green eyed monster rears it's ugly head!

Well, as I've said before and I'll say again: "twos company threes a crowd".

Why do you think that "Mary" is doing this? You say that Mary says that you could be "the one"; by saying this, does she mean in a romantic way or as a best friend?

Have you hurt her in some way? For example, if she has a strong tendency towards you and you turned her down recently?

Have you been spending a lot of time with someone else?, and have you recently buddied up with another friend (or friends)- and she felt left out, even one time? Maybe "Mary" is trying to find a way to get you back? And obviously attempting to make you jealous!

Then again, maybe Mary is trying to make you jealous because she was feeling like you were ignoring her for a while.

OR maybe "Julie" is really trying to move in on your friend, she may even be trying to "get back at you" for something herself. Have you done something to 'Julie' that would make her want to take revenge on you??

Then again, there are just some people that are jealous of the closeness that two people have together, and so they will, just to have what you two had! These sort of people will go to your friend and speak ill about you behind your back!! Fortunately, 'friendships' like this rarely last.

If Mary really cares, then she is truly playing "head games"; in the hope that you will come "running back with your 'hat' in your hand"...and that is completely the wrong way to handle this.

Maybe it's time for YOU to find a new friend and "do unto her as she's done unto you". If she cares a fig, she will approach you and reconcile what you had!

At the very least, she would invite you to the sleepover too!!

Keep in touch and let me know how things are going.
Blessings!
Jasmine

Hmmm...you may have already tried this, but have you bought the "ribbed for her pleasure" ones? The thinner the better..just be careful to take it slowly so not to break it.

And of course, there are tons of different "toys" you could try. My personal favorite was one that had a sort of 'ring' that my man actually wore down at the base of his penis..(if I'm right, it can be put over the condom). The ring was attached to a control that made him into a 'human vibrator' *giggle*; and much more comfortable than those "fake" toys! It even had different speed levels..not to mention, he enjoyed it quite a lot too!

If you want to drive her crazy...lots of romance, lots of foreplay, (the slower the better..ya know: kissing, stroking, caressing, etc etc etc) lots of teasing..lots and lots and lots until she just cannot stand it any longer...until she is practically tearing your clothes off. Sometimes the 'wait' can make the pleasure SO SO MUCH more intense and passionate! *ah memories-I do love passion*

Have fun and stay safe!
Jasmine

Why haven't you been talking much lately? Are you making an effort to talk to him?! Are you avoiding him? Is he avoiding you?

This is one of those questions that you won't know the answer to until you spend some time with him. Does he enjoy being around you? Does he accept invitations from you? (Ex. Wanna go to ______?)

Whether he thinks about you or not, I really cannot say..that is something you need to find out from him.

I'm sorry I could not be more helpful in your situation- but this is one where you will need to take an initiative to find out on your own. Some matters of the heart are only revealed through your own initiative.

Blessings!
Jasmine

It's hard to say. She could be talking about you two, and this "story" is really a way to send you signals- but I find that unusual because she has turned you down already.
It could be that she is interested in someone else and is trying to see how you are going to react to it...but you won't know unless you really open that door and speak to her frankly but kindly and with care.

It's really hard to say, and it's sad that she cannot be open and honest with you (and vica versa) and really let you know how she feels -instead of just shaking her head! If she is considering dating you and is scared, she should be able to tell you as much- even good friends should have that openness and intimacy if the friendship is meant to last.

Maybe you should concentrate on opening the "lines of communication" with her..let her know how you feel (pick a time that is a comfortable situation), and I mean REALLY how you feel, not just that you "like her more than a friend" but how deep your feelings run, how often you think about her, etc: at the same time, be sure to let her know that because you care about her, and the friendship that you share- and regardless of how she feels or what she may say, that you will continue to support her feelings; and that no matter what happens, you will not get upset or turn your back on her- that you will always be her friend. The best relationships begin as friendships first!

Fact is, until you two really open up to each other, you will continue to wonder and won't be able to move on.

If you take the first step and be COMPLETELY open and candid, and she still refuses to open up to you, then you MUST resolve yourself to move on.

If you don't, then you will only continue to torture yourself with what will lead to an unhealthy obsession! (and a waste of your time)

In fact, if you open up completely, and she doesn't do the same, I would take that as a sign that she is just stringing you along until she finds someone else that is as infatuated with her as you are. Unfortunately, there are some people just want to be loved without returning the same, and that makes for a very one-sided relationship. Continuing in this manner will only make YOU unhappy in the end...and you deserve happiness!

So, it's time to be as honest and as candid as you possibly can, if that gets you nowhere..then it's time to save your romantic attraction for someone that really wants and deserves it.

Hope I've helped,
Many Blessings!
Jasmine

STOP BLAMING YOURSELF. Another old saying, "it takes two to tango". So, it is as much (if not more) his fault than it is yours.

Again..SEX IS NOT, I REPEAT NOT LOVE. LOVE IS LOVE. AND TWO PEOPLE THAT LOVE EACH OTHER SOMETIMES DECIDE TO HAVE SEX. BUT TRUE LOVE EXISTS- SEX OR NO SEX! Okay, sorry, I'm yelling at you..just want to make sure you get the point.

I want to let you know, that personally, I abhor when a guy just "hangs up" on me. Fact is, if they do something like that, I will NOT call them back- until they call me. And even then, I may not answer the first time they call back. When a guy does this, he is showing a huge disrespect for you, not only as his girlfriend, but as a person to whom he is supposed to care about!

BIG RED FLAG: Why would he share his account with an "invisible" "friend of his", when accounts like (yahoo chat, myspace, facebook, chat proggys) are SO SO EASY to get???!! Makes completely NO sense whatsoever.

I have to tell ya, and I really do hate passing judgment on those that I have never met (I actually try to refrain from it), but it really sounds to me as he is lying about this!!

He obviously thinks that you are obligated to have phone sex with him, and gets angry when you do not. Which tells me that he is more than likely talking about sex to these other girls, without guilt because he justifies it in his head (unfairly I might add) that he should be able to do it, because you aren't bowing to this whim! The fact that more than one girl has told you this, adds to my suspicion even more than I can express! And I sense that what these girls are telling you is completely true.
Think of it this way, What motive do ALL these other girls have??!! Why would they say it, if it weren't so? On the other hand, he has plenty of selfish motives!

It sounds to me as if you "jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire". This guy knows about your past, and is USING YOUR PAIN AND GUILT TO CONTROL YOUR ACTIONS! *tsk*

Another reason I find him guilty is because he is making accusations against you! I discovered long ago, that most guys that are cheaters act in a certain manner. When they think that you may be getting close to the truth, they will quickly 'turn the tables' on you, and begin to accuse YOU of cheating, among other things (ie. you don't love me, you ignore me, yada yada yada..), so that you will stop your suspicions and begin to concentrate on, not only your need to prove your commitment, but also will drown yourself in thoughts that you 'owe' them something! This is very unhealthy, but common with cheaters.

He obviously knows that your past sexual relationship caused emotional scars, so if he REALLY CARED about how you felt- he wouldn't dare ask you to do ANYTHING UNCOMFORTABLE...including phone sex.

If I may ask: What hypocritical things do you think you are doing? Did YOU, on your very own, decide that you were being hypocritical, or did he accuse you of being so- and then you decided he was right?

Regardless, it sounds as though he is already looking for someone else (and it is very likely that he has already cheated). I say this because he is giving you a "time limit" on how long he will wait. Think about it: IF he cared half as much for you as you do for him, time would not be an issue whatsoever (the "maybe less time" part tells me that he is already looking to find a way to break up, because he already has someone else in mind that is nearer to him-maybe they have even dated!). If he were serious about the commitment you two have, he would allow you to take all the time you need.

AGAIN, not your fault! Don't be a victim!!!

Maybe it's for the best? Long distance relationships are hard enough already! Much less when one of the partners is not nearly as committed as they should be! AND he obviously isn't. Relationships take work: and he's not trying!! Why should you?

I would suggest (but you certainly don't have any obligation to take my advice)..but I would suggest that you two DO break up until he comes back. I personally feel that he is already cheating, if not merely physically, he is MOST DEFINITELY cheating by being intimate with other women. That, too, (and IMHO is worse) is cheating.

If he loves you, he needs to love you with his WHOLE HEART, not just what he can spare in his free time. If you do take my advice, go ahead and date, you don't have to jump into any new relationships right away, but at least give yourself some much needed love.

If, when he comes back, you two are able to patch things up: great! If not, then he didn't really care enough in the first place, and you are wasting your heart, soul and time.

And just because I think you should know, I think this guy might have a sexual addiction problem...are you SURE your his ONLY girlfriend? How well do you REALLY know him? How long did you date before you committed to this long distance relationship?

Hang in there sweetie! and keep in touch,
Blessings!
Jasmine

There are many women out there that do not achieve orgasm, especially what they first begin to explore their sexuality. I will admit that I lost my virginity when I was sixteen- but, although I enjoyed sex, I didn't achieve orgasm until at least a year later, maybe a bit more. Sounds like you are still discovering your sensuality. No matter your age: exploration and communication is a must when it comes to the best sexual pleasure.

Moaning is not required, in fact many females find that moaning does not 'feel natural', or that moaning is 'embarrassing' or 'distracting'.

There isn't anything wrong with you! There are women that go their ENTIRE lives without having one SINGLE orgasm! *sad, I know-sigh* But these women will tell you that they enjoy sex in any case! I would say, though, that you should strive for it- personally, I find it extremely pleasurable and (this may only apply to me, but)- I feel incomplete if I don't reach one (or more, or multiples).

It's great that you, at the very least, feel good when you pleasure yourself. That is sometimes the first step to enjoying sexual pleasure and eventually achieving orgasm.

Have you considered that when the guys do it that they aren't taking the time to make you feel good? Many males believe that just because they can pleasure themselves easily, that it should be automatically pleasurable to you when they go straight for your vaginal opening..

...When in fact, the fault usually lies because they don't take the time to arouse you sufficiently, taking their time, and making their way to the vaginal opening slowly via light touching/stroking around it (around the outside, your thighs etc, clitoris), and rubbing your body and kissing you, to help you 'get ready'..they need to tease you- bring you to a point of passion and ecstasy before going straight to your vaginal opening.

If the males in your life are not doing it the way that you like it then now is the time to 'guide' them in a way that you know works for you! There is no shame in telling them what feels good to you! Just be 'seductive' about, rather than sounding like your 'teaching a class'...whisper to them and guide them by hand if necessary, saying, "this feels good to me"; "yes, just like that"; or "no, that isn't what I like, or that is uncomfortable".

Also, you mentioned that, 'you just sit there'-

It could be that you are uncomfortable or tense...try some relaxation techniques, this may help!

OR, maybe you could 'join in'? Move your hips if you are comfortable with that, use your hands to guide his to the right spots..you may even try showing him which way you like it best by example..if your not too embarrassed- (for many males this is actually a HUGE turn on) - and it ensures that it feels better for you.

Every female has different likes and dislikes and a patient, passionate man will take the time to find out what those are.

Also see my advice on my column, about working your kegel muscles this will increase your pleasure and help you to eventually achieve an orgasm- and believe me your first will be extraordinary..after that many more will follow, and it only gets better.

Blessings, enjoy and be sure to practice safe sex!
Jasmine

If you stick to a healthy diet and exercise daily you will lose 3-5 pounds a month. That's likely not the answer your looking for, but as I said to someone else, there just isn't any miracle weight loss drug out there! It's a big scam *frown*..but I'll send you the tips in my advice column and add one to the top:

I didn't mention this before:
If at all possible, stay AS FAR AWAY from fast food places as you can!!! Those places breed fat!

Anyone see 'Supersize Me'? Well, it's true!

If you find yourself in a situation (say with friends) that you must order something from their menu(s), go for the baked stuff (cept' potatoes), or a salad, but with a salad go as light on the dressing as you can. Oddly enough McDonald's salad is even really high in fat (they stuff their salad dressing with fat, to make up for that burger you didn't order)! *it's a conspiracy I tell ya!*

On a side note, has anyone, besides me, ever noticed that all during the day commercials barrage you with promises of "quick weight loss" and "join this weight loss club" programs..and then after about 5 pm, suddenly it's chocked full of "you should eat greasy pizzas, and go to fast food joints"!! *that's my conspiracy -smile* (the media wants you to gain, so they can sell you useless weight loss products!)

Okay, now back to my eating advice..

It's much better to eat small portions several times a day than it is to eat three big meals.(this naturally "shrinks" your stomach).

Drink lots of water, as much as you can (rather than 'diet drinks' all day). Water cleans your system out naturally, and actually helps you to lose weight!!

Always leave the table while your still hungry.

As women, when we are emotionally upset, we tend to resort to eating: try to find something else to do- like chew sugarless gum! In fact, keep it in your purse for those "cravings" or emotional times.

Also, a big meal before bedtime doesn't help at all, because you are not up and around to burn off those carbs! Best to eat your largest meal at breakfast time and stick to a light dinner.
(the worst mistake most of us make is those midnight fridge raids! If you MUST treat yourself to a dessert, try to eat healthy fruits: strawberries with a TSP of sugar is the best...but if you just have to have that bowl of ice cream {sometimes we need a reward}-at least do it early in the day.)

There are so many things that "seem" like they would be healthy food, yet are REALLY full of carbs which turns to sugar..which in turn becomes fat!!

As I mentioned before- The healthiest fruit you can eat is strawberries. Bananas are actually have the most carbs than any fruit! ..Apples are good for you too. Another old saying that has lived through time for a good reason: "An apple a day keeps the doctor away!" (Apples help your digestive system!)

The obvious things: stay away from fried foods as much as possible. Baked foods are SO much better for losing weight. You can always add seasonings to tickle your taste buds, but try to cut down on the salt as much as possible as it causes water weight. Ms. Dash makes a great seasoning line, low in salt, but extremely yummy! Baked fish (or seafood) is the lowest in carbs. *yummy...baked tilapia with garlic (not garlic salt) and low carb/fat butter!*

Soups and yogurt are great too! And you don't have to buy the expensive ones that brag about "weight loss/fat/carbs" either. All soups and yogurts are low in the above! It's just a media twist to add the "low in carbs/fat junk" on the label so that you will pay more for their particular product.

Eat lots of veggies! Not only will they help you to lose weight, but they are healthy and will help keep your digestive system working correctly (ie. dispose of the fattening stuff)! Greens are nature's natural laxatives!

Stay away from potatoes in any form or fashion..they are chock full of carbs whether they are fried and even when baked!!

Turkey contains much less fat than hamburger meat, you can substitute it in almost any meal that calls for hamburger!

Bread (in all forms: rolls etc) is very fattening! Stay away from it as much as possible!

No one really likes to exercise (me included) but if you want to lose a lot of weight in a short amount of time, I'm sorry to say, that is your only real solution.

But, you don't have to exercise all day long..30-45 minutes a day is plenty. And you can split those into morning and night if it is easier. Say...20 minutes in the morning while you watch your favorite TV show, and 25 at night while you jam to your favorite music (or visa versa -smile).

The best exercises don't include running 5 blocks a day in the heat (or cold). Walking fast in place is, in fact, MUCH better for your joints and bones, and, of course, weight loss! If you can get a stationary bike, (or even enjoy bike riding) that would be great...just hop on your stationary, or walk fast in place, in front of your TV (or grab your mp3 and go for a bike ride) and commit to at least 5 mins a day..and slowly increase it to about 40 minutes a day. FYI, most songs are about 4 minutes long..15 minutes would be about three or four songs.

The rest of the exercises you do, should really concentrate on toning. Crunches- (not sit ups as they are bad for your back and actually don't help as much!), knee to elbow (and hold it for as long as possible): switching sides- starting at 5 reps and moving up until you can do more. Also laying on your back with your hands on the floor, lift your legs off the floor about 5 inches and hold them there as long as you can. This helps your lower abdomen shrink: the better you get at this, the closer to the floor your feet should be without touching it.

Squats are great for toning your booty! In fact, how do you think that Jessica Simpson got to her butt to look SO great in her 'Daisy Dukes' in 'Dukes of Hazzard'? YEP, she spent like eight weeks doing workouts, that mostly involved squats!! *kick those daisy dukes! -singin' again *smile*

And as I mentioned before, anytime you begin a diet, you should always add a good daily vitamin supplement to your routine to stay healthy!

I would like to add that I got my best benefit by actually joining Tai Kwon Do for just twelve weeks! Much more fun than boring jazzersize or Aerobics! I had a great time and my stomach actually got so tough, from the pre-exercises, that it was almost rock hard- couldn't even grab any fat!!

==============================

As far as your acne, I've advised on that also from my column, and here, too, you don't have to spend hundreds of dollars to fix it! You just need a routine:

First, don't use any treatments on your face that contain any type of alcohol. (when you dry you face out, it just makes more oil which = more acne (example don't use oxy pads)

Stay away from perfumed soaps to cleanse your face with.

If your a girl, use hyper-allergenic make-up and be sure to wash it off (as below) every night!

Try a facial cleansing routine!:

EVERY MORNING AND EVERY EVENING-

1. Wash/scrub your face with face wash (Dove-and I think Suave- or Oil of Olay makes good facial cleansing products, they come in a bottle). And rinse your face by hand, ie. throw water into your face.

2. Apply a Toner. (also made by those above..DAB -DO NOT RUB- it on and wait for it to dry)

Then..

3. Apply a light face lotion (so your face doesn't dry up and make more oil), I would recommend one that is recommended for oily skin.

Wish you the best of luck and hope I've helped (without discouraging you too much!)

Blessings!,
Jasmine

First, there is NOTHING wrong with you. You are responding in a very normal way!

You say you had some trust issues: Was it because you didn't trust him? Or because he didn't trust you? Both? Who started the "non" trust arguments? What were they about? How did he act? What was said?
Also, were you and he having intercourse or any type of sexual relations before he left?

Answering these questions will help me understand his thinking and personality much better..

But, I do have a little advice about what I think is going on with him.

There are a lot (and I do mean a lot) of guys out there that equate sex with love & intimacy. They REALLY and TRULY believe that if you aren't having sex with them, that you don't love them.

Unfortunately, they are just 'wired' that way and they can't be changed. Even though, to most of us females, this concept is utterly and completely ridiculous-it's an unfortunate fact.

Remember, just because your his girlfriend doesn't mean that you have to be his personal "1-900" number! (I will share a story about a high school boyfriend that relates to this later.)

If HE REALLY LOVES AND CARES ABOUT YOU (to use his OWN words) then he wouldn't want to put you in a situation that makes you SO very uncomfortable. (I will have more information about the 'whys' of his behavior later and better advice on how to handle your situation).

In the meantime, it MIGHT be that he is struggling with himself, trying hard to remain faithful (and hopefully succeeding!), and thinks this is the answer to HIS problem. Note I said: HIS PROBLEM not yours.

If so, when he comes back in three months, it's highly likely that he won't be wasting much time at all with merely 'holding hands' and 'cuddling'.

It's normal for you to react the way you are..he has put you in a position that makes you very uncomfortable, and then expects you to act like everything is "normal" and the same - when it's not!

Your on an emotional roller coaster right now..one ridden with guilt, loyalty, love, fear and a touch of shame!!

Before I have my final say about what I think you should do, I'd really like to hear back from you about the questions I asked above...I think I've got him pegged, but I want to be sure before I go pointing my power finger at him.

Look forward to hearing from you.

Blessings!
Jasmine

Hmm..

Do you think that maybe he is trying to "keep you on the back burner" while he is "grazing in other fields"?

Remember: males think about sex every 20 seconds! (It is a fact, I honestly don't understand how they get anything done! -lol)

And it sounds like he is obsessing that you just won't give into what he wants..and playing "head games" to try to bring you around. If he's a real friend, he'll finally realize that this isn't the way to go! ..and, if he values your friendship at all, he WILL regret it sooner or later!

In more understandable words, (sorry I like to use metaphors, especially the ones my mother used to say a lot -smile)...maybe he doesn't want- or is scared- to be alone, BUT he is hoping that he can find a romantic relationship with some other girl, a relationship that "goes further" than the one that you two have. Maybe he IS attempting to find these relationships? Thinking that if he finds a girl that will "give in" that he won't need you anymore, but, at the same time, is afraid to completely let you go because, 'what if he doesn't find her?' Which, in fact, he doesn't even realize that he WILL need you anyway!! *sigh*

And he may be hoping that if he continues playing these games that you will change YOUR mind and finally give in to the romantic relationship he wants, rather than accepting the wonderful friendship that you have (it's a shame that he can't see what's right in front of him, and that he's missing out on a wonderful relationship-regardless of whether it is romantic!).

If this is the case, then it means that he is the one that is insecure, and IS using you, in a way, as someone that will be there so he won't be alone, yet he's only thinking about himself..and in turn, it is making YOU really insecure!

If he has any sense at all, he'll realize how valuable your friendship is..and will stop acting this way! A true friendship (which by the way is really hard to find!) requires give and take/50-50 just like any other type of relationship, and right now, it sounds like he's too busy thinking about his own WANTS to take the time to understand your NEEDS! *he's being really selfish*

If I've pegged him-and I think I have, he's thinking with the wrong head right now!..hopefully he'll recover soon from this terrible male disease -ugh.

If he doesn't, maybe you should find yourself another really good friend, and leave HIM on the "back burner" for awhile, just like he is doing to you!

If telling him how this is making you feel doesn't work (or isn't working), then that is just what your going to have to do for your own sake (and especially for your own happiness!)...

He is obviously using 'control' (ex. he says he'll talk to you but not as much, etc) to attempt to make you do only what he wants, to get HIS way. That isn't a good, or healthy friendship for either of you.

Hugs,
Jasmine

Holly took the words right outta my mouth! *gives Holly high fives*!

Kegel exercises are the best way. (I think we've cleared up the misunderstanding already that you meant orgasm not orgy..)

I highly recommend it if you want to improve your orgasm, achieve orgasm if you never have, and/or if you aspire to have multiple orgasms! *I will attest that this absolutely works!*

The great part about this exercise is that, once you know how, you can do it at anytime and no one is the wiser..you can do this exercise while watching tv..talking on the phone, whatever!

Just in case you can't get your hands on the magazine article Holly mentioned, below is a quick link that not only tells you how to perform this exercise, but also addresses most everything you may ever want to know about kegel exercises:

http://sexuality.about.com/od/anatomyresponse/ht/kegelswomen.htm

AND, to make sex even better, your male partner can do them too- kegel for men can increase their orgasmic pleasure, and prevents pre-mature ejaculation!

Below is the link on how men can perform kegel:

http://sexuality.about.com/od/anatomyresponse/ht/kegelsmen.htm

Enjoy! and remember to practice safe (and more enjoyable) sex!
Jasmine

Chances are that if they didn't catch you at the door, then your off the hook.

BUT, keep in mind, now that they have your faces on the cameras doing this, they WILL be watching you next time, so DO NOT let your sister do anything like that again! At least, if she does, just tell her your leaving her inside and walk directly out to the car.

Legally, you didn't do anything wrong. YOU didn't walk out of the store with stolen property, your sister did. But I wouldn't want to be associated with her if she gets caught doing something like that again.

I am actually more concerned about you girls mental/dietary health. Don't let your mother control your self esteem, and don't let her convince you that you're fat. The same goes with your sister! I have a feeling the whole "stealing of the diet pills" has something to do with her anger at your mother! Tell your sister NOT to let your mother bait her that way!

And the mother of the year award goes to..not even! But that doesn't mean you can't love her. Sounds like your mom has her own distorted self-image issues and she's projecting them onto you two..don't fall into the trap!

Hugs and no worries,
Jasmine

OOHHH! One of the questions of all questions..how do you know if he or she is your soulmate.

Fact is, you won't until you spend many years together and have been through the good the bad and the ugly and everything in-between...and still survived.

Then you'll know, in the meantime, enjoy the love that you have!
Jasmine

I'm a woman..and I must admit..there are times that I have had some really loud sex. Fact is, the couple having sex, isn't really thinking about whether the noises they are making "sound embarrassing" or not *laugh*. They are too caught up in the fervor of passion to even give that a passing thought.

I know that you think it sounds bad now (especially because it's your mom and, well.. no one likes to imagine what their parents are doing..no matter how old you get -shudder-), but you may very well change your mind about it sounding 'gross' as you get older..."never say never"

Jasmine

Actually,

I just got treated for walking pneumonia about 3 weeks ago..didn't even know I had it..until:

I noticed that when I breathed in, I had a sharp pain on the lower left hand side of my back. (ie. I had pneumonia in my left lung)..when you have it in both it's called "double pneumonia. Iwasn't even running ANY fever (well, at least not until they pumped me full of anti-biotics- that evening after I ended up in ER, I got a raging fever while the anti-biotics fought off the pneumonia.)

So, if you have sharp pains when you breathe, you should see your physician (or go to ER) ASAP!

The fact that you have a very bad cough tells me you should make an appointment with your doctor in any case.

Get well soon.
Blessings!,
Jasmine

I need more info:

When your hair is wet, is is wavy or curly?

Sweetheart, I'm so sorry...cancer can be so devastating!

Your mom is in a lot of pain right now. You say she just had cancer surgery?

Is she receiving any type of other treatments? Radiation? Chemotherapy? Maybe she just isn't telling you because she is afraid you'll worry more?

It's not unusual to follow up cancer surgery with radiation and/or chemotherapy treatments (btw, chemotherapy can come in the form of a pill). Both of those treatments cause the symptoms your describing above.

It sounds like your mom is being strong for your sake.
Just be as supportive as you can, because I'm sure she is doing the best she can to struggle through this!

In fact, the best things you can do:

When she is feeling unwell and tired, offer to help her out around the house doing whatever you can!

Be sure to let her know how very much you love her, EVERY DAY, because right now EVERY DAY is a battle for her.. and

Tell her how proud you are of her for fighting so hard against this terrible disease!

Love and Blessings,
Jasmine

==========================
I should have shared this with you earlier..but I want to let you know that I nursed my mother when she had cancer..so I REALLY know the feelings you must be going through, and how scary it can be.

I had to come back to tell you that I'm here if you need me. Just message me anytime. Okay?

Hang in there sweetie...I truly know how hard it is: you and your mother are in my thoughts and I am sending many blessings to you both.

It sounds like you need to find a new boyfriend. A temper is when you get impatient and maybe cuss and yell..

...hitting people and throwing things is completely different. If he doesn't respect his parents enough not to hit them, how do you think he will treat you after the shine wears off?

He obviously has a serious anger problem and possibly some serious mental disorders. Trust me from experience, you can't fix him no matter how hard you try or how reasonable you try to be, and eventually he will just pull you down with him. "Get out while the gettins' good!"

Hugs,
Jasmine

You won't know for sure unless you catch him or find some definite proof, so yeah, don't point fingers unless you know for sure, otherwise, like most men, he will get angry and begin to act more immature.

Instead of accusing him (which always works out badly); ask him upfront in a very neutral tone, (psst..if this applies to you..men are the most honest right after sex).

Right after you mention it by saying something like, "I love you so much!, you wouldn't ever cheat on me would you?" *eyelash flutter*; RIGHT THEN is the time be eagle keen, watch his reactions closely. If you have said it in a very non-accusing way, but he gets really offended and starts getting upset/mad..then he chances are REALLY high that he is.

"Thou dost protest too much.."

Like someone else said, if you think they are, they probably are. Fact is, a woman's instinct isn't given as much credit as it should be given!!

Hope everything works out for the best,
Jasmine

Now, I have a question..I'm assuming, but will ask anyway. Does he invite his "poker buddies" over to the house?

It's a shame. Most men after they have been in a relationship for awhile, think that they don't have to show affection or treat you as nice anymore.

TO ALL THE MEN READING THIS:
Just because you've been together a long time doesn't mean that you automatically get the "get out of courting free card". Women still need to be shown appreciation, they still want to be "flirted with/courted/taken out/treated like a lady"!!

I'm a bit mischievous..IF his poker buddies come to your house to play. The next time they do this: spend the day pampering yourself, get REALLY decked out, wear something..well.. sexy (but not trashy). A short skirt, with a NON-revealing blouse-something maybe of silk, and some heels usually does the trick...

then while he is playing poker..waltz into the room (feigning to bring snacks or something). Strut it honey! I bet his poker buddies will take a second look..and then the inevitable. He will become jealous and be reminded of what he has!!

That's the evening, to let him know that if he wants passionate, giving sex from you, that he needs to give you what you need!! ROMANCE!

Just a thought *sly smile*
Jasmine

Eek! Sour grapes!

It sounds like he is hurt and is lashing out in anger because he wants more from you than you should give.

I do hate head games..because, it seems that he does miss you and probably cares much more about you than you know, but is trying to pressure you into a more romantic relationship by being mean, and then cutting you off at times.

I would just continue to be friends with him, but at the same time, DO NOT let him say cruel things to you without addressing it. When he says something mean, be sure to let him know that, while you value your friendship with him, you will not continue to be his friend if he continues to be cruel! And follow through with what you say, if he continues to be cruel, shut him out of your life for a little bit..let him know that you "mean what you say, and that you say what you mean."

Hope this helps!
Jasmine

I'm a 36 year old mom who has too much life experience. I realize that, no matter your age, life throws some crazy curve balls at you when you least expect it. I know in my heart that absolutely no one is perfect..and we all make wrong decisions at one time or another; and sometimes we just need someone to help us out without being judgmental! Furthermore, I think that the only stupid question is the one that you don't ask...knowledge is power.

One of my favorite sayings:
"If you live in a glass house, don't throw stones."

Well folks, we ALL live in glass houses at one time or another!

Never say never,
Jasmine

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