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me+being fingered=NOTHING?
ive only been fingered by 3 guys, and each time that they fingered me i didnt feel any pleasure whatsoever.
i only feel something good when i masturbate, but i dont even orgasm or moan or anything.
why cant i feel good when a guy does it to me? i just kind of sit there and think ..."this is akward, bc im just laying here feeling nothing."
i dont know how to react to that.
help!
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Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Trouble Reaching Orgasm?
There are many women out there that do not achieve orgasm, especially what they first begin to explore their sexuality. I will admit that I lost my virginity when I was sixteen- but, although I enjoyed sex, I didn't achieve orgasm until at least a year later, maybe a bit more. Sounds like you are still discovering your sensuality. No matter your age: exploration and communication is a must when it comes to the best sexual pleasure.
Moaning is not required, in fact many females find that moaning does not 'feel natural', or that moaning is 'embarrassing' or 'distracting'.
There isn't anything wrong with you! There are women that go their ENTIRE lives without having one SINGLE orgasm! *sad, I know-sigh* But these women will tell you that they enjoy sex in any case! I would say, though, that you should strive for it- personally, I find it extremely pleasurable and (this may only apply to me, but)- I feel incomplete if I don't reach one (or more, or multiples).
It's great that you, at the very least, feel good when you pleasure yourself. That is sometimes the first step to enjoying sexual pleasure and eventually achieving orgasm.
Have you considered that when the guys do it that they aren't taking the time to make you feel good? Many males believe that just because they can pleasure themselves easily, that it should be automatically pleasurable to you when they go straight for your vaginal opening..
...When in fact, the fault usually lies because they don't take the time to arouse you sufficiently, taking their time, and making their way to the vaginal opening slowly via light touching/stroking around it (around the outside, your thighs etc, clitoris), and rubbing your body and kissing you, to help you 'get ready'..they need to tease you- bring you to a point of passion and ecstasy before going straight to your vaginal opening.
If the males in your life are not doing it the way that you like it then now is the time to 'guide' them in a way that you know works for you! There is no shame in telling them what feels good to you! Just be 'seductive' about, rather than sounding like your 'teaching a class'...whisper to them and guide them by hand if necessary, saying, "this feels good to me"; "yes, just like that"; or "no, that isn't what I like, or that is uncomfortable".
Also, you mentioned that, 'you just sit there'-
It could be that you are uncomfortable or tense...try some relaxation techniques, this may help!
OR, maybe you could 'join in'? Move your hips if you are comfortable with that, use your hands to guide his to the right spots..you may even try showing him which way you like it best by example..if your not too embarrassed- (for many males this is actually a HUGE turn on) - and it ensures that it feels better for you.
Every female has different likes and dislikes and a patient, passionate man will take the time to find out what those are.
Also see my advice on my column, about working your kegel muscles this will increase your pleasure and help you to eventually achieve an orgasm- and believe me your first will be extraordinary..after that many more will follow, and it only gets better.
Blessings, enjoy and be sure to practice safe sex!
Jasmine
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more than likely, the boys don't know what they are doing.
your clitoris needs to be stimulated.
when a guy is fingering you, try to get them to rest their thumb on the outside (top) of your vagina, & tell them to rub their thumb around.
& even if you do that to yourself, you are more than likely going to be able to give yourself an orgasm.
a lot of guys are clueless as to what to do when they finger a girl, so they just like wiggle their finger around, because they don't know what feels good to you or what hurts.
so when a guy isn't doing something right, don't make him think he is. but whenever he hits a pleasure spot, let him know how good that feels & he's going to keep doing that instead.
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There's a good chance those guys just didn't know what the hell they were doing. Most unexperienced guys just shove their finger in and swirl it around, having no idea where the clit is, if they even realise it exists. Regardless of how "experienced" they may tell you they are, you can't trust that until you can judge them yourself. Your best bet is to SHOW them where you like to be touched. If you sit there and wait they will never find it. I know I sure as hell didn't know what to look for the first time I did it, but my girlfriend put my hand exactly where she wanted and told me "don't you dare move from that spot."
The fact that you don't moan doesn't mean anything. A lot of girls don't. My girlfriend is damn near mute unless she's really into it. As for orgasm, it might be too hard to achieve just by clitoral stimulation. Vaginal penetration may be your only option in that department. Invest in a good vibrator, or a boyfriend who didn't learn female anatomy from a naked Barbie doll.
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I can relate. I'm a silent girl and I only get off by clit stimulation. Perhaps you are like that too? Ask them to rub your clitoris while fingering you or do it yourself while they finger you. ^-^
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