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how can i fix the long distance relationship with my boyfrie
Well my boyfriend and I started doing long distance since january 7 this year but we've been having a lot of problems. main one was trust, but we've gotten through that..but now, the problem is doing sexual things over the phone. If i dont do it he thinks i dont care about him or love him enough to open up like that to him. He said i should be comfortable with him because he's my boyfriend. Thing is, I do it a lot of times but whenever i dont do it he gets angry. He said if we were together in person he would understand if i didn't do any sexual things with him because we could just hug or hold hands instead but since its long distance we cant do that(hold hands, cuddle, etc) if we dont do sexual things...And after we argue i become awkward with him and i cant talk. I want to talk but no words of what i should say come into my head and he gets angry because im not talking..Im so tired from all the arguing, i cant do it anymore but I dont want to lose him, I have to hold on until he comes here which he said could be in like 3 months or so but our relationship is in serious danger. i've been a lot quiet with him for 3 days day now.. I dont know whats wrong with me!! What should i do??
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First, there is NOTHING wrong with you. You are responding in a very normal way!
You say you had some trust issues: Was it because you didn't trust him? Or because he didn't trust you? Both? Who started the "non" trust arguments? What were they about? How did he act? What was said?
Also, were you and he having intercourse or any type of sexual relations before he left?
Answering these questions will help me understand his thinking and personality much better..
But, I do have a little advice about what I think is going on with him.
There are a lot (and I do mean a lot) of guys out there that equate sex with love & intimacy. They REALLY and TRULY believe that if you aren't having sex with them, that you don't love them.
Unfortunately, they are just 'wired' that way and they can't be changed. Even though, to most of us females, this concept is utterly and completely ridiculous-it's an unfortunate fact.
Remember, just because your his girlfriend doesn't mean that you have to be his personal "1-900" number! (I will share a story about a high school boyfriend that relates to this later.)
If HE REALLY LOVES AND CARES ABOUT YOU (to use his OWN words) then he wouldn't want to put you in a situation that makes you SO very uncomfortable. (I will have more information about the 'whys' of his behavior later and better advice on how to handle your situation).
In the meantime, it MIGHT be that he is struggling with himself, trying hard to remain faithful (and hopefully succeeding!), and thinks this is the answer to HIS problem. Note I said: HIS PROBLEM not yours.
If so, when he comes back in three months, it's highly likely that he won't be wasting much time at all with merely 'holding hands' and 'cuddling'.
It's normal for you to react the way you are..he has put you in a position that makes you very uncomfortable, and then expects you to act like everything is "normal" and the same - when it's not!
Your on an emotional roller coaster right now..one ridden with guilt, loyalty, love, fear and a touch of shame!!
Before I have my final say about what I think you should do, I'd really like to hear back from you about the questions I asked above...I think I've got him pegged, but I want to be sure before I go pointing my power finger at him.
Look forward to hearing from you.
Blessings!
Jasmine
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