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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
i'm very open about sex. i mean i love it. i have had sex with a lot of guys. i'm clean i know i am i randomly get tested. but i'm in high school. senior year. i hang out with older guys that have seen girls do some crazy ass things. and i love doing crazy ass things. sex is like my life. i like trying new things and everything. but my problem is everyone that meets me or hears about me freaks calls me a slut and all that (the high school girls) i just blow it off and say there jealous bC there not brave enough to try all the new shit...but i've been thinking i talked to a close friend of mine last nighta bout this. i don't think i'm lesbian but i wanna try things with a girl just to try it and say i have. i told him that i wanted to eat a girl out just to see how it was. he says he has seen lots of girls do it..PROBLEM i'm in high school. shit like that gets around i'll be called gay. so my question is. what do you think i should do. go for it and try something with a girl or just wait till i graduate and not have to worry about roomers and bull crap??
The Answer
I hate to break it to you darling but if you sleep with a bunch of people and are open and bold about your sex life, you are going to have to deal with rumors and that bull crap all your life. Welcome to humanity.
Meaningless sex is just that, meaningless entertaining sex. No problem there. But meaningless entertaining sex with plenty of people in the definition of a slut, just the way a female dog is a bitch. The word might be an insult, but it’s also an accurate description. You are promiscuous! If that is the way you want to be then OWN IT. If you are truly proud and comfortable with that you are going to have to come to terms with the word slut and all its negative connotations OR you are going to have to learn to keep your sex life private.
If you want to have meaningless entertaining sex with a girl, go for it. Just make sure that your partner understands that is all you are interested in (and don’t expect anyone to call you a prude.)
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The Question
My friends always tell me im pretty and that im the skinniest out of all of us whenever i say im fat or that im ugly or hate my hair and things like that and i dont know if they are doing this to make me feel better or not? what do you think?
The Answer
I’m sorry for being so blunt darling, but I think they are saying that in hopes you will shut up.
There is nothing so annoying as a girl who constantly talks about how ugly/fat/unattractive she is. Self-deprecation is not cute! It’s annoying and boring. So I have a challenge for you, next time you want to say something bad about yourself, don’t. Instead think of one thing you are happy about today, even if it’s just the kind of lunch you had. Cheerfulness is cute! Confidence is attractive! So stop wasting everyone’s energy (including your own) complaining and be confidently and cheerfully attractive instead.
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The Question
I need advice please.I am getting really stressed out at school about exams. i sit in my room each afternoon and all i do is worry about it, then i get so worked up then i can't study.I end up studying at the last minutem and then stay up all night.My stomach is constantly churning,i can't sleep because all i think about is how badly im going to do on the test!To make matters worse, my best mate and i had a fight last week. he started it and now he isn't talking. NOT EVEN AT SOCCER TRAINGING!i didn't go to training yesterday to avoid him, and now all my friends say the don't want me around.What should i do? where can i go for help?
Carl,Age 15
The Answer
As much as I would like to help you, I feel like you are ranting at me and want me to reassure you, not advise you.
In future it is WAY easier for a columnist to give you advice if you stick to one problem per question and include the relevant details about that problem.
But, in the hopes of being some use to you…
If you are stressing out that much, talk to the school counselor. They can give you techniques to stop that pointless obsessive thinking, or send you to someone who can. If you are feeling ill before bed there is nothing wrong with taking a Gravol or Travel Tab to settle your stomach and allow you to sleep, as long as you don’t do it every night.
If you have wronged your friends, behaved badly in anyway, apologize. It doesn’t matter if they are more wrong, or if they started it. If you weren’t perfectly and absolutely right in what you did, apologize. If you don’t think you did anything wrong you can either suck and up and just let them ignore you, or you can ask them what specifically it is they think you did wrong and then discuss it from there. Remember not all friendships are worth saving, not everyone is this world is gonna like you.
Overall, stop panicking and stop AVOIDING. Avoiding studying and soccer are making you feel worse, not better. If you never face your problems you will never ever learn to deal with them. Take a warm shower, read a good book, whatever it takes to calm you down and then deal with it. If you keep working yourself into a fit, you’ll never be able to think clearly.
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The Question
Can too much attention freak a girl out and make her back off? Even though you're really close? I've heard people say this before, but I'm not too sure, and now I'm affraid that I've been bothering my girlfriend with too much attention.
The Answer
Yes, too much attention is freaky.
No matter how much they might like a guy, very few women want to feel like they are attached to someone at the hip, or that they need to tell someone every single thing they did and every thought they had, or that someone is living only for them or that the someone they like doesn't think about anything at all but them. If your girl could have gotten any of these impressions from you then you have crossed the line into creepy and freak-out worthy.
The best way however, to find out whether you are smothering the flame of love is to ask. It might be a simple compromise or reassurance necessary to put her freak-out at rest. Don’t try to be a mind reader (that is freaky) just ask her what is bothering her and if there is anything you can do, or not do, to make her feel more comfortable with you.
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The Question
ok i was wondering if magic really works and if it does what is a good website to get some good spells?
The Answer
Those for whom spells are an integral part of their faith certainly believe they work, just like people believe prayer works.
There is some scientific evidence that is gaining popularity and some repute, that suggests prayer and other ritualized expressions of human intention can actually affect the physical world. But I'd say the jury is still out on that one.
Most wiccans and pagans whose religion and faith includes 'spells' will describe them as merely another form of praying. In serious circles books like "Love Spells for the Teenage Witch" are openly mocked as moronic and ridiculous. As it was explained to me once by a friend of mine: Spellcasting is not about making things float, getting even with people, making it rain or making people fall in love with you. It isn't to make the impossible happen, it is to make you more aware of what you can do yourself.
So do spells work? In a word, no. In a sense, maybe. But they are fundamentally a matter of faith. Like prayer, if you believe in it, no evidence to the contrary will prove it false to you.
I think, if you are interested in the Wiccan faith and their perceptions of magick this would be a great thing for you to check out: http://www.collegewicca.com/basicfiles/magick.html
Sorries. No spells on that page. Most spells on the Internet are complete nonsense, but if you goggle spells and whatever exactly you wish to achieve, you'll come up with a million pages. Best Wishes.
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The Question
I have some spots and abit of a rash on my shoulders and back... does anyone know maybe why i have them? i was thinking maybe im allergic to my shower gel or something. does anyone know what i can use to get rid of them?
The Answer
Think back on the last week or two and think about anything you have changed. Are you using a new soap or shampoo or laundry detergent? Did you spend a lot of time in the sun? Did you wear a new shirt?
If you changed anything, try not using that thing again and see if they go away on their own. If they don't, or you can't think of anything you've done differently, I'd see a doctor just to make sure everything is ok and maybe set up an allergy test.
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The Question
i'm sort of worried i might have a yeast infection. well, i wouldn't have been worried except for the fact that my dad saw my underwear & i thought i had it. my discharge isn't clear, mor kind of a cream color. is that normal? and what are signs of yeast infections? it doesn't have a certain smell, not a bad one or a good one. i have touched myself down there but it wasn't mastuerbation or anything. help? 13.f
The Answer
Your dad thought you had a yeast infection because of your underwear? How… presumptuous.
Discharge is rarely clear, it is often a white or an off-white colour, it can become thicker depending on your cycle or simply because of the temperature outside.
If you had a yeast infection, you would probably know it, because you would be itching like crazy every moment of the day. There are other symptoms but that is the one you will notice first. Check out: http://www.coolnurse.com/yeast.htm for a bit more info.
Unless you are itching, relax, you don't have a yeast infection, and tell you dad to keep his nose out of your underwear.
IF you are itching a lot, go see a doctor to make sure it is a yeast infection before treating it.
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The Question
It hurts to touch my clit, or the area to the right. The swelling just came up today, it's really red. there seems to be a vein or nerve or something that runs from the clit to the end of the lip, and the swelling is right under that. I'm not sure that it's swelling, or if it is a lump, but it is around the size of a marble or smaller, and doesn't not itch. I am sexually active, but I always use a condom and they have never broken. I'm not suer when my last period was, so I don't know if I am late or not, but I am pretty sure I'm not pregnant. What should I do. I am 16 years old by the way, and I am very sensitive down there, even shaving is really hard on my skin, so maybe it's a reaction?
The Answer
See a doctor.
Even if the swelling goes down I would suggest going in and seeing a doctor. What you are explaining doesn't sound like any normal reaction to shaving that I have heard of. The clit is generally the last part to react to shaving or any foreignness as it is more protected then the other areas, so if you aren't having discomfort or swelling anywhere else it's definitely time to see a doctor.
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The Question
I would like to know what you would do in my situation:
My friend M (17) has always been considered straightedge. Well the other day she comes out and says "I WANT TO DRINK. I FEEL THAT I AM MISSING OUT ON MY LIFE." Now she never told me this. I had to find out through the grapevine. Well then monday night she and my boyfriend B (19) and our other friend T (18) decided to get drunk at my boyfriend's house. Now I got really upset about it. I haven't talked to M about it yet, but I know what she will say "Your time will come when you are out of high school with your liscense and you can do this stuff." I really want to know if I am right in feeling mad at her about it all. As I said she always was like "I am never drinking." Then she came out of the blue with all of this.
Thank you.
The Answer
If you get upset every time someone in your life changes his or her mind be prepared to live an unhappy life.
Are you right to be perplexed, hurt, surprised by her behavior? Sure. But angry? No, I don't think so.
Even if you do have a right to be angry, anger isn't going to help anyone here.
If you blame your friend for her choice and accuse her it will only make it more difficult for her recognize why she decided to behave that way. Get drunk at 17 at the friend's house is not a cardinal sin, it is in fact a pretty normal and relatively harmless act. The real question is why she made this choice and what she is going to about it now.
Express your confusion to your friend, ask her what changed and her mind and ask her how she felt about her experience being drunk. Listening to her in a non-judgmental way is what a good friend would do in this situation and allow her to work out her thoughts on what happened. This might be the way she wants to live now, in which case all you can do is decide if you want to be her friend or not. Or this might simply be an experiment, a mistake she made that she can leave behind her. Or she might begin to drink in moderation like many decent folk out there. If you attack her with accusations of going back on her word, rather then expressing the confusion and hurt you feel out of love for her, your friendship will probably not last long enough for you to find out which.
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The Question
I don't think there's enough questions on advicenators that mention abortions. I assume there's more females on this site then males, so why does it seem like there are mainly pro-life supporters? We're women. Women with so many choices and laws that allow us those choices. I agree in having your own opinion, but never force it onto someone else. If someone is considering an abortion, why talk them out of it, bringing it up as a sin and disgusting? I'm proud to be pro-choice & you'd think nowadays more women would be. Why aren't you?
The Answer
I am not religious, I do not hate abortionists or their supporters, I don't believe aborted babies are in limbo and women who have had abortions are going to hell.
Having said that. I am also pro-life.
I have yet to be convinced by the arguments that the fetus is not alive, or at least possessing such an obvious and direct potential of life that is has no rights at all as a living being.
Since the arguments from the standpoints of logic and biology have failed to convince me that the fetus is not alive I have no MORAL choice but to be pro-life. In a morally ambiguous case, that is one were the most right choice cannot yet be found or proven, we as moral creatures are required to choose the LEAST immoral path. Since I have not been convinced that abortion is not murder, I must error on the side of not-murdering.
I believe in a women's choice, you spread your legs you made your choice. Obviously if we lived in a perfect world this would be fine. But we don't live in a perfect world, rape happens and pregnancy endangers lives, so abortion is necessary in some extreme cases and only in these extreme cases (and I would argue if proven somehow, although I can't imagine how, that abortion does take a life, I would not longer find it acceptable even in those cases.)
In all other cases of abortion today the women is choosing the truth she prefers to believe, the truth that comforts her and grants her total control without facing the logical and philosophical consequences of being in control, not the truth that is supported by logic, biology or morality.
I am a feminist, I am sexually active, I respect and honor my body and it's gifts and I am pro-life because that is the logical conclusion I have come too.
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The Question
i recently learned i am pregnant. so far, im thinkin its prolly a month and a half along. im 16, and there is NOOOOOOO way in the world i can have this baby. theres no way in the world i can tell anyone my boyfriend of over a year got me pregnant. my family's real good friends with his, and things just wouldnt be pretty. also, both our families are real religious and would drown us in all the 'sex before marriage is a sin' stuff. well, fact of the matter is, since we havent told anyone about it yet- i havent gone to a doctor. i know youre supposed to get prenatal care the second you find out youre pregnant- but i cant bring myself to tell anyone, and truthfully- i really dont want to have this baby. i will NOT have an abortion, but i think i might be having a miscarriage, or about to be having one. i have all of the symptoms. i guess my questions are;
1. how do i tell people?
2. how do i know for sure if im having a miscarriage?
and 3. am i a horrible person?
The Answer
You just tell people. Calmly. And one at a time if that will make it easier. You could wait forever for the right moment, so don't wait any longer, just get your parents sitting down and tell them.
Oh yes your parents are going to be pissed off like you have never seen them before! You are going to get screamed at and lectured for hours, and most of what they say will be right and you will probably deserve it. But you tell them anyways because you are in trouble, you made a mistake and they are the only people in this world who care enough about you to try and help. Nobody else will support you like they will and without them, you are all alone in this.
You don't know if you've had a miscarriage. You can't be sure until you speak to a doctor. Miscarriages can happen many different ways and have many different symptoms for different women. Vaginal bleeding and constant pain are signs of a miscarriage, but can take place in a normal pregnancy as well. Sorry dear, you'll need to see a doctor to be certain.
You aren't a horrible person for getting pregnant but I think we both know you aren't handling this as well as you could be. You haven't done the responsible thing and told your parents or seen a doctor. You also seem to think that having a miscarriage is okay but abortion isn't, so what you are really wishing is that the baby would just go away without you having to DO anything about it and this whole problem will just disappear.
That is being cowardly hun, and it probably isn't going to happen that way no matter how much you wish it would.
You had sex; you took this risk. Now you are stuck with the hard decisions and consequences of that action. Yeah it's stressful as all hell and it's going to be damn hard on you and the people you love. But you are going to have to face this sometime. Better for everyone, you, your families and even possibly your child, if you suck it up and start doing the right thing sooner rather then later.
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The Question
Does it hurt when you first put in a tampon? My friend said it did! If you put it in right does it still hurt? And what does it feel like?
The Answer
It can be a little uncomfortable at first, but if you've put it in correctly it should become really easy to ignore. If it is painful, you've done something wrong and either need to re-read the instructions and try again, or see a doctor.
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The Question
I am 16 /F. Last week i visited my girl friend, she told me they are naturalists and celebrate all week ends as a naturalists and they wear nothing at home. So I went their to see and I was astonished to see all of them nude (Dad, mom, my friend, her 12 year old sis and 19 year old bro). Is this kind of thing allowed? Isnt it a kind of incest?
The Answer
No, it's not incest. Incest is a sexual act by family members. Nudity doesn't need to be sexual, it can just be innocent nudity.
Naturalists/Naturists/Nudists believe in nudity for the goodness of their mental health and as a life philosophy, it's the way they want to interact with the world. If they had random orgies around the house, well then it would be incest, but if they just enjoy going through their weekend's nude, in the comfort of their own home that is perfectly legal and a-okay.
If you aren't comfortable with this lifestyle I think the best thing to do would be politely decline to visit your friend during the weekend. I'm sure your friend will understand your discomfort and respect your choice.
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The Question
i became being belimic a little bit ago because im starting to dislike my eating habits. dont worry im probably going to eat reguarly soon. i havent researched it that much but i was wondering how throwing up is bad for you? i mean, the food goes down in your stomach and takes nutrients out of the food but all it does is make the rest come up again. whats wrong with that? the excess food exit the body later anyway. just in a different way.
The Answer
Food doesn't simply exit the body when you vomit, you also spit up a lot of stomach acid which is very harmful to your throat and mouth. Over the short term this will cause irritation and inflammation, after a few months of this behavoir you could be looking at roting your teeth and developing gum disease. You might also develop swelling in your cheeks from this acid. Vomiting too often and voilently can rupture the esophagus.
Just so you understand, your stomach doesn't absorb nutrients from your food; it only breaks those nutrients down so that the intestines can absorb them. If you are vomiting up your food before it reaches your intestines and follows the rest of your digestive track your body is NOT getting the nutrients it needs. It is only the stuff that the intestines don't absorb that gets expelled as waste. All that happens when you vomit is that you trick your body in to not feeling so hungry, because you filled your stomach, but you aren't giving it ANY nutrients or vitamins. In reality your body is starving, you just don't feel it as quickly.
As for the long term effects of bulimia, I'll just list a few of 'em to keep it short: Malnutrition (obviously), dehydration, dry skin, weak nails, hair loss, high blood pressure, iron deficiency and cancer of the throat or voice box. There are also numerous deseasies you can develop in your intestines and kindeys and bulemia makes pregnancy more risky for women.
All and all, it's a lot more serious then I think you understand. I'd suggest you go back to eating properly, if you felt you were eating too much, see a nutritionist or doctor to get some guidance on how to eat well. Bulimia is not a good option.
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The Question
Ok.I know that you have to be certain ages to get jobs.But what is the YOUNGEST age that you can get a job and what is the job?? Please help!Thank you!
The Answer
In most states the minimum age you can be legally employed in anything other then a family business is 14. However, most laws say you can't handle other people's money until you are 16, so that cuts out quite a few jobs in stores or such.
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The Question
Today I was shopping with my mom, and i was picking out some clothes, i went over to show her what I found. & the first thing she says is "no black" and she walks away. So I like black clothes, so what?
And maybe I'm not the preppiest girl ever, and maybe I don't have the style that she wants me to have. But I should be allowed to wear what I want. I don't know what her problem is, at least I'm not walking around with bondage pants with 65486465 chains; (if thats what she is worried about)
So the thing is, I want to be able to wear the style of clothes I want. And how am I supposed to express myself if she won't let me buy the things I want? How do I explain to her?
The Answer
If your mother is buying your clothing, then you are stuck. Her money, her rules. By all means try and discuss this with her. Stay calm, but don't go the "self-expression" or accuse her of trying to make you into a clone. That is childish logic. Aim for something a bit higher and more practical. If black is what you are comfortable in and what you would like to wear and she buys clothes you don't like, you wont wear them, which will just be a waste of her money.
Ask her what he actual problem with your clothing is. 'Too much black' is a little silly, you might want to remind her that black can be very stylish and sophisticated and that cutting out a whole colour, simply because she doesn't like it, isn't very fair or reasonable. Keep your voice down and keep questioning her. Maybe what she really means is that she doesn't like how tight the clothes are, or maybe she just wants you to have one sweater that isn't black. Whatever it is try and find out exactly what the problem is before you try and argue. Once you understand what the actual issue is you can negotiate it much better.
If you are buying your own clothing, then don't go shopping for it with your mother.
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The Question
i know this is stupid but is there other ways to masterbate without sex toys?
thanks i rate high
The Answer
It's not stupid and yes there is.
I am assuming you are a female (guys do seem to understand masturbation a little more instinctively) so check out this site for a good guide: http://www.coolnurse.com/masturbation_howto.htm
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The Question
Is it safe to ride roller coasters when you are pregnant? I know it's probably not towards to end of pregnancy, but what about the first few months?
The Answer
It's not recommended for a woman to ride on a roller coaster at any time during her pregnancy. Violent stops and starts and jerking movements can lead to the placenta separating from the wall of the uterus wall way too early, which can effectively terminate the pregnancy during any term (this happens frighteningly often with women who are in car accidents.)
Honestly, with some of the physical symptoms experienced in the first trimester, I don't think riding a roller coaster would even be that pleasant. Although I've certainly heard of women who have been on roller coasters without a problem, it's probably better to play it safe. Most parks will label the rides that pose risks to pregnant women pretty clearly, so just stay clear of those until after you deliver.
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The Question
whats the best way to put on a condom so you can be POSITIVE the girl wont get pregnant?
and how do you know wether to buy a small, medium or large etc...?
15/m
The Answer
Check it out: http://www.feelconfident.co.uk/condoms/how_to_put_on_a_condom.htm
Learn it. Practice it. Know it by heart.
The vast majority of condom failures (i.e., slipping off, breaking and such) happen because the condom wasn't used properly. If you always apply the condom in the proper way your safety is vastly increased.
There is no POSITIVE. Condoms are only 98% effecective even when used correctly.
SEX IS RISKY! It just is, if you can't deal with that, don't have sex.
As for size, honestly it does not matter too vitally (although the site I linked you too does have a graph on sizes and how to measure.) Condoms are extremely stretchy, and the vast majority of men will be able to wear a medium comfortably and safely. A condom fits properly when it is snug, but not painfully tight, and rolls all the way down to cover the penis. If yours feels like it might slip off, buy smaller ones. If it doesn't roll all the way down to the base of the penis, buy larger ones.
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The Question
Hey I am getting so annoyed over this...!!! Right, I am totally skint and I have no money whatsoever. I feel like a scruff because I have no decent clothes and I have no self confidence because of the way I look etc.
I am so jealous (to the point of crying) of my friends as they get given pocketmoney every week and they are given at least £5 If they go out. My parents think they are treating me if they give me £1 without working for it. I have asked for pocketmoney and we have yet to come to a compromise as they reckon £2 is a generous amount for washing the car.
I have no self confidence so i am too shy to go out and ask for a job in a shop...uurrgh i am just so stressed out because the Summer is my favourite time of the year and I want to enjoy myself but if i cant even buy a bikini then whats the point.? They say money doesnt =happinesss but if i have money I could go out and buy clothes etc to make me look better which will raise my self confidence which will get me a boyfriend or a job etc which will make me HAPPY. I want to be treated once in a while....
my parents just dont understand and they dont see me stressin out in a room bashing my head against walls and crying they just think Im gonna get over it but when all my friends are pressuring me and wearing new outfits every month and going on flash holidays every year.....
luv rach n plz dont tell me bout ppl lower than me...
The Answer
Your parents may not be being as generous as they could be, but nowhere is it written that they must give you pocket money and relieve your stress for you. You are growing up and it's time to stop looking to them to solve your problems.
I doubt your parents expect you to get over it, I bet they recognize the pain it is causing you but they do expect you to grow through this pain and do something about it yourself. If you are too shy to try and look for work, that is a self-confidence problem that wont go away if they give you money, and that is something you need to work on.
If you are uncomfortable approaching strangers for work, start with your neighbors or family. Do you have an aunt who needs help with her gardening? A neighbor who needs their dog watched while they are away?
Although I agree that £2 isn't much for washing a car, that is something you need to discuss with your parents calmly. A job is only worth as much as someone wants to pay you for it, if they refuse to pay you what you think you deserve then the best thing you can do is not do the work.
Money doesn't equal happiness OR self-confidence. Feeling helpless and insecure is something only you can fix. A bit of money might make life easier, but it will not make you any better of a person, that is something you have to achieve on your own. You are the only one who can solve this problem for you, so stop banging your head against the wall and start using it to brainstorm solutions.
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