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Best Friend and Drinking
I would like to know what you would do in my situation:
My friend M (17) has always been considered straightedge. Well the other day she comes out and says "I WANT TO DRINK. I FEEL THAT I AM MISSING OUT ON MY LIFE." Now she never told me this. I had to find out through the grapevine. Well then monday night she and my boyfriend B (19) and our other friend T (18) decided to get drunk at my boyfriend's house. Now I got really upset about it. I haven't talked to M about it yet, but I know what she will say "Your time will come when you are out of high school with your liscense and you can do this stuff." I really want to know if I am right in feeling mad at her about it all. As I said she always was like "I am never drinking." Then she came out of the blue with all of this.
Thank you.
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I dont know you would be mad at her... I really dont its all her stuff ya know.. Like if she wants to drink, its up to her.
=] gerii
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If you get upset every time someone in your life changes his or her mind be prepared to live an unhappy life.
Are you right to be perplexed, hurt, surprised by her behavior? Sure. But angry? No, I don't think so.
Even if you do have a right to be angry, anger isn't going to help anyone here.
If you blame your friend for her choice and accuse her it will only make it more difficult for her recognize why she decided to behave that way. Get drunk at 17 at the friend's house is not a cardinal sin, it is in fact a pretty normal and relatively harmless act. The real question is why she made this choice and what she is going to about it now.
Express your confusion to your friend, ask her what changed and her mind and ask her how she felt about her experience being drunk. Listening to her in a non-judgmental way is what a good friend would do in this situation and allow her to work out her thoughts on what happened. This might be the way she wants to live now, in which case all you can do is decide if you want to be her friend or not. Or this might simply be an experiment, a mistake she made that she can leave behind her. Or she might begin to drink in moderation like many decent folk out there. If you attack her with accusations of going back on her word, rather then expressing the confusion and hurt you feel out of love for her, your friendship will probably not last long enough for you to find out which.
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I never understood why teenagers would want to go out drinking because they "want" to.
Then again..I never understood while adults did either. It's something beyond me I suppose. Or maybe I don't see the point in it.
I would be mad to find out if one of my friends was drinking because they were "missing out on life". Your friend is 17 and most likely has several decades of "life" left to live. Being 17 means you havn't lived life, you've lived through birth.
There is always a time for everything, and teenagers are not missing out on adult things such as drinking, sex, and drugs by doing them at younger ages. If they seriously want to do them, then they can wait and see where "life" takes them. I'm not supporting any of it, I'm just saying that it is stupid for teenagers to think living life is drinking and the like. It is so much more and to truly expierence it, you have to be older.
Bring this up with your friend and make her seriously think about it. Ask her why she wants to drink, and tell her "missing out on her life" isn't a reason. Because I will bet she can't give a good reason to drink. You need to make your friend (and even your boyfriend and T) realize there really is no point to it. What does it leave them with?
A hangover and some mad friends.
Make them all realize this. Your justified in your anger, now act on it and make your friend realize what happened. Also bring up her saying she never wanted to drink to. Make her think about it all and talk to her.
I hope I helped, and good luck. Hopefully something will change.
-Ryan
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