ciao77's advice column

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Q: My guy friend who I have a crush on was hit by a car yesterday. I found out about it this morning in band. I slipped and was really glad he wasn't there to see it until I found out why he wasn't there to see it. I couldn't concentrate on anything else all day. I was literally worried sick; by the end of the day I had the mother of all headaches and I wanted to throw up. I'm really loyal to my friends, but is it wierd that I couldn't think of anything but him all day, even if he is my friend and crush?

No, it's not weird. It's actually considerate of you to be concerned..he did get into a major car accident after all. He's a friend of yours, so it's fine for you to be worried about him. If you can, try visiting him at the hospital, or when he feels better, let him know you're glad he's back or something..

Q: my mom and older brother constantly tell me how i was a mistake and how i was the worst one and im only here because the condom broke. my mom even said if there was a chance to save my life, and the 2 dogs life, she'd save the dogs. my brother is constantly calling me names, ugly, etc. and when i was younger he used to hit me when my mom went to work. not like little hits, like punching. now he just verbally abuses me. my real dad isnt in my life, the memory of him is fading in my mind considering i only saw him one time. my stepdad is extremely lazy and is annying. i used to just accept what they said to me, and how my brother hit me but i cant anymore. i fight back-ish. i'd rather have my mom hit me than talk to me like that. i kinda edge her on to. such as her: "dont get that attitude with me, i'll back hand you across the face." so i just say "do it". she has a couple times.

everytime i hear my friends talking about how mean they're parents are by calling her "weird", but she really is weird. so im thinking "shut up." or "ohh. howww horrible" and its annoying.

after my mom usually says mean things to me and same with my brother i got in my room and cry secretly and listen to music. then like i think about everything and my wrists feel extremely weird like they are screaming "CUT ME" but i dont. i usually hurt myself some other way to release everything, but something that doesnt scar, like scratching, hitting myself, i just cant help it.

is it bad/mean how i cant stand my mom, and brother? and is it like bad for me to hurt myself other ways to relieve everything?

i cant talk to my mom about it, i dont talk to her at all about anything. same with the rest of my family. and its not like im a horrible person. my family doesnt really even know me, like at all besides facts like birthday, etc. and i get really good grades and try my hardest, im not doing drugs or anything or even in a bad crowd.

i mean like, do u blame me?

sry it was long, ANYTHING could help.

First off, there's no body to blame but your mother and brother. Their behavior is irrational, insensitive, and just plain WRONG. She has no right to abuse you, verbally or physically. I totally understand why you can't stand them...I don't even know them, and I can't either.

Secondly, you are not alone for wanting to hurt yourself. BUT it isn't normal to do something like that. You need to talk to someone about this. Physically harming yourself to take the pain away is dangerous. Go talk to a school psychologist for starters...trust me, it's worth it. They know a lot more about this and can really help you out.

Q: soo i just got my period. and im kind of confused- about everything. how long can i leave a tampon in? can i wear one to bed? and how long does it last? one week every month?

14/f

It depends on how heavy your flow is, and on the absorbency of the tampon. You shouldn't leave a tampon in for more than a few hours (5-6 MAX.) at a time. Also, dont wear a tampon to bed...there's increased risk of TSS (Toxic Shock Syndrome), and it's not useful at that time anyway. Try using long or over-night pads instead. And when you have a lighter flow (within 2 days or so), you can also alternate by using pads. I generally use tampons for the first 2-3 days, then use pads. Oh, your period should last around 5-7 days or so.

As a reminder, try using all natural, organic tampons (health food stores, or online). They are much safer, and do not use fake, synthetic ingredients. Natracare tampons work well.

Q: Well i need help fitting in at my school. I dont have the kind of popularity like the other kids do. So if you can help me to fit in please help!!!

I agree with the last person. You should try joining a club or doing some other extra-curricular activity..you'll meet people with similar interests as you. Don't ever try to change yourself to fit in. I know how much pressure there is to try being popular. It's difficult..when I was in High School, I would think about all the popular kids...you know what? Half the time (or more) kids act a certain way to be accepted by their peers.. it sounds to me like you are more grounded and decent that many "popular kids." I know it's hard, but try thinking more about meeting decent, like-minded people that trying to
"fit in." Maybe join a club, sports, or something you like..

Q: Okay I will try to make it short. I have a boyfriend and I like him a lot. We have just started going out(it will be a month in like a week). Well the other day I was at his house, just hanging out and well I wont go into detail but at the end of the night we had reached 2nd base. & for me thats too fast. I mean I know we have both already had long term relationships and done everything like that, but I thought he would take it slower. Well my question is how do I tell him I want to slow it down without pushing him away?

Just be honest with him. Let your words flow naturally and calmly. Let him know how you feel about him and that you do want him to slow down a bit. If he really respects you and the relationship, he will listen.

Q: On the side of me, on the right side, down between my hip and where my belly button it, on the far right i have a extremly sharp pain. What is this? Nothing else hurts, Just this!! Help!

You should go see a doctor immediately. They'll do a number a tests (e.g: blood test, CAT scan, etc.) to figure out what's giving you pain. This could be a number of things, or nothing at all. The only way to know for sure is to go to the emergency room right away. I got sharp pain too, and the doctors found out i had appendicitis (this happened more than a year ago).

Q: hello =D i was just wondering
how i could make my orgasim last
longer? ive never had sex before,
but i masturbate. i usually masturbate
my rubbing my clit, and ill orgasim,
but it'll be so short. like seven seconds?
and ill keep going, but i wont be able
to orgasim again. oh and by the way,
im 15/f. thankss =]]

I think the best way to have your orgasm either last longer or be more intense, is to concentrate on your breathing...breath deeply and naturally (I guess this increases energy and blood flow). Also, try being in the moment and not focusing too much on the " end result." I know it may be difficult, but trying to just enjoy it without putting TOO much thought into just having an orgasm and getting it over with, makes it much more enjoyable.

Q: i found out one of my family members have herpes. idk which one but now im afraid to use any towels or take a shower in the same shower they use thinking i might get it. Could i get it that easily? How contagious is it? Thanks alot.

The likelihood is extremely low...there's really no way you could get it by using the same shower. . But keep in mind that you should avoid sharing drinks, lipstick, or anything else that could lead to contact with the virus. And for reference, avoid kissing someone who has an active lesion.

Q: what guns and roses video involves axl rose driving off a cliff?
and which one has him get married?

I don't know about the one of Axl driving off a cliff, but the video where he gets married is for
" November Rain."

Q: i really want uggs for christmas but they are sold out EVERYWHERE
neimens
nordstrom
saks
lord and taylor
and uggs.com
if any of you know a site that sells them BESIDES ebay please help!!!!!!!
im looking mostly for talls in chestnut size 9 or shorts in brown size 9 THANK YOU

That's funny, my friend was looking for Uggs online the other day.. I think she found them on Nordstrom.com, but maybe you could also try zappos.com
Also try going to some other shops like Nordstrom Rack, which has really good shoes at good prices

Q: when a guy is flirting with you???

Sometimes it's hard to know, but I agree with the last person..a lot of times guys will try going out of their way to say something nice or compliment you. But everyone's different and flirt in different ways. Some people get more shy than usual, while others are more talkative. Generally, guys smile more or might be slightly shy, it all depends. Sometimes you just have a feeling that a guy is flirting..

Q: ok. For Christmas my mom is getting me a digital camera. My price range is $99-$150 What do you think would be the best kind for me to get?

If you go to Google, and click on Froogle (Google Froogle), you can do a search for a digital camera (or just about anything else), and it'll give you a list of sites and prices. Or you can go to Best Buy or something and ask them what they recommend for that price range. i find Canon to be a good company,..the Canon A400 is one of the cheaper ones, but I would shop around

Q: can yu get preg. when yur on yur period?

Yes, of course. You have a chance of getting pregnant any time of the month. Condoms are the key

Q: which do you prefer on guys?

tattoos or piercings?

and if either or both...which part of the body?

thanks for reading

Um...I guess it depends on the guy, but I honestly don't mind guys with a tatoo or two. I don't like if it's overdone though.
To be honest, depending, I like either/or. Some guys look great with an eyebrow or tongue ring. Actually, one guy i once knew had a piercing below his lip (above his chin), which looked really good on him.
Oh, as for tattoos, I guess I like something simple on their arm or chest. But nothing too drastic..
Everyone has different tastes, so I hope you hear more from what others have to say.

Are you considering getting a piercing or tattoo?

Q: My friend Used to like my boyfriend before we were going out. She even asked him out once. But he said he liked her only as a friend. I really liked him too when I first met him and I think he liked me too. Then a couple days later he asked me out. I asked my friend over and over and she acted natural and said shes fine with it whatever. So I did and At first things were going great. and me and my friend Talked as usal and also talked to my new boyfriend. But then I we think she kept trying to brake us up. Like she was telling lies to us about eachother then we found out it wasent true so we thought..ok whatever. and now theres a dance comming up at both our schools. (Oh, and we go to diffrent schools) My Ex wanted to go with me but i kept saying no. Then my B/f asked if he could go with his Only friend Holly. and that she was only a friend. And I thought ok I guess thats fine. But then Holly got a b/f and shes going with him. So then MY BFF ASKED MY BF TO THE DANCE!!!! He said only as friends but I dont feel right about it. I mean I bet she still likes him. After the things shes did. and I feel really werid about him dancing with her! I know I sound selfish or somthing right now but..it just doesnt feel right. I dont want him going with her but I dont want to be in complete controll of him. and also selfish. I dont know...PLEASE GIVE ME ADIVCE!! WHAT SHOULD I DO!!!???

I agree with the previous advice, you'd be the bigger person by letting it be. And no, you're not being selfish. It's completely understandable that you feel this way, given she may have tried getting you two to break up or at least distance yourselves from each other. I agree, you should casually remind him it's just a dance and wish him well. Anyway, if he's really into you, he'll see it as nothing more than a dance. And plus, it's not kind to tell him not to dance with her, even if deep down you don't want him to. He could think of you as selfish and posessive, and you don't want that. By the way, if it bothers you so much, you should talk to your boyfriend about the situation (that your friend is into him and has told lies about both of you). And on the other hand, it's natural for her to feel a bit jealous, but it isn't right for her to display her feelings in such a way, as to try getting in between you two. But then again, I don't know her, so who am I to say? But really, just try playing it cool

Q: Why is that whenever I meet someone on the first date seeing them for the first time everything changes for the worse? For instance, I met this guy and we chatted for a long time and he was always responsive and even more he was more talkative than I was, we also texted back and forth like crazy and then when we went on our first date everything changed... some for the better and some for the worse... now he isn't as responsive as he was before and he never texts me. I don't know what to do.

When I read this, I thought " join the club." I tend to get this feeling too. I don't know...everything depends on the situation. Sometimes I feel like things can be a bit awkward on the first date. So how often has this guy kept in touch with you afterwards? It could be that he's losing interest or I don't know...there's no one answer as to why things like this happen. It sucks.. mainly all I wanted to say is I know exactly how you feel. You know, maybe one day if you want you could casually send him a message asking him what he's up to and maybe if he wants to hang out sometime. See how he responds..

Q: 15 f

ok so i have this boyfriend (duh by the title). we're only been going out 6 days and he has already said he loves me, he's rude when hes in front of his friends, he ditches me sometimes, never calls, we havent held hands, he tells his friends he likes me (they told me) but he totally doesnt act like it. today he tried to kiss me and i didnt want to and that just doesnt sound like feeling i should have for the guy im going out with. should i wait for him to get his head out of his bottom or just get rid of him?

and also this sounds extremely superficial but hes one of the most popular guys in school but not very cute and you can tell me that shouldnt matter but it does to me so please dont lecture me about not caring about what people think.

pretty much i think i should stick it out and get used to him. i havent had a relationship in a while and i usually chicken out (longest relationship is 3 weeks)so could it be "cold feet"?

please help me, im very confused.

You guys are still pretty young, we all are..and I know you've heard it a thousand times, but at that age, guys tend to care too much what their friends think. You've just gotten into the relationship, so at this point everything's up in the air. If you're having these feelings this early on, you guys just may not be too into each other. I don't think either one of you should expect TOO much out of the relationship, but there are certain things that should be covered. Honestly, you probably know best what you feel about this. You two are still quite young and maybe he doesn't know how to act with a girlfriend. You should definately talk to him about how you feel..it's the only way you'll figure out what he's thinking. Be yourself

Q: I am always sad, it's been a recurring problem for months. I have no idea why, I'm not really stressed or anything. I am just depressed/sad. I cry at least once a day, sometimes very hard. What is wrong with me? Should I be seeing a doctor? I've told my parents, and they actually don't believe me, they tell me I'm fine, and are sarcastic.

This all depends on your situation. I know that parents aren't always the best judges, and it seems to me that your parents aren't being very sensitive. You should talk to someone else about this as well.
How long have you felt this way? Is there anything that happened to you that could have triggered such a response?
It seems that this is really bothering you. Try bringing this up to your parents again, and be serious. You should speak to a phychologist about this..sometimes school psychologists are a good first step. If they see this as something more serious, they may prescribe medication. But again, it all depends on your situation. No one on this website can diagnose anything...it's all advice. So take my advice and please talk to someone abou this.

Q: I have major cramps during my period and sometimes i even cry cuz they hurt so much. What can i do to stop or make the cramps better? I cant take advil or tylenol or anything at school so i need something that will last all day and/or night. And i live with my dad so i need some advice on talking to him about stuff like this.
Thanks.
*Christie*

I feel your pain, literally and figuratively! I'm on my period now...the first couple of days are the worst.
It's totally normal to have really bad cramps, even to the point that you want to cry. Since you can't take medications at school, I'd take some Mydol or something before heading out to school. It'll last temporarily.. if the cramps come back and they're really bad, have a rest. Go to the nurse, and explain your situation. They're really nice...several years ago I had terrible cramps and went to the nurse, so she filled a rubber glove with hot water (like a water balloon, which I put on my stomach, and she let me lie down in a room for a while.
Here are some things you could do to relieve cramps:
-drink herb tea
-use a thermal, hot pad (drugstore), or use mini heat pads
-some excersizes can also help.

Oh, about talking to your dad about this stuff...it's personal info., so you don't have to delve into a lot. You can simply say you've got women's problems, and he'll understand right away. Or, if he ever asks why you're in pain or whatever, even saying you're on your period is ok.. Men understand more than we give them credit for.

Q: how do i make my face clear besides washing it? and is it wrong to use different brands at a time? like if i go from maybelline to cover girl.. then after a month i switch to revlon? same with skin products like neutrogena and then clean and clear then after 2 weeks i go to avon? is it wrong? is it gonna kill and ruin my skin? please help and please tell me a good eyeliner that cost about 5 dollars that wont smudge the whole day.. =] thanks!

As far as makeup goes, it doesn't really matter if you experiment with different brands. I use L'Oreal mascara, revlon eyeliner, and MAC eyeshadow, for example.. OH...Revlon Wet/Dry eyeliner is the best! And it's pretty cheap...with makeup, it's all about finding out what you like best and sticking with it.
Skincare is a different story. It is better to stick to a routine. Keep it simple.. and try sticking to your favorite product.
I usually wash my face (morning/night), tone and moisturize. I always use the same products that work best for my skin. I would recommend (depending on your skin type) avoiding products with harsh ingredients. And also, try not to overcleanse, or exfoliate too much.. as it can irritate or dry out your skin, which can actually lead to more frequent breakouts.
keeping it simple is the key with face care.
for budget brand, I love Cetaphil cleanser. lately I've been using my mom's neostrata cleanser, though it's pretty expensive and has to be ordered.

bio

I am here to give honest advice, when I feel I have something to contribute. I try to be as empathetic and understanding as I can, as I know that the way something is said is as important as the message itself.

I usually advise on love/relationships, friendship and family issues, nutrition, and health (mental and physical). If I feel I can help out, there's not a whole lot I am unwilling to answer. Ask away!