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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
14/f. This I guess could either go under families or friends. Sorry this is sort of long. This whole thing started in like, second grade when my friends would snatch my snack and food and stuff right out of my hands. I was too nice and it really made me sad, but I just didn't say anything. I was always being joked around with. My friends would call me fat just as a joke(even though I wasn't, I was JUST as 'fat' as they were). All of this bothered me and I didn't really show it until last school year. To prevent anyone from taking my stuff, I would scratch them or slap them when they perpously try to steel my food. I didn't TRY to scratch them and stuff, it was sort of just an automatic reaction. For example, the other day at the movie theatre my friend dumped the remainder of the popcorn in my hair so I slapped her. I still feel that most of the time they deserve it, but I have heard people think I am a bitch lately. I don't let people walk all over me like they used to. If they tell me to do something, I say no, just because I feel like I am being walked over. If they would have asked I would have said yes though. I think this is me unvolentarily preventing being walked over like in second grade. I really want to change because one of my drama-starting friends (same one in the popcorn incident) says that a lot of people think I am being a bitch lately. Please help me change... I don't want to be fake because I usually agree with the actions I take when a friend does something rude and uncalled for. Please help me change!! I don't care about that one friend liking me or not because I REALLY dont like her, but I don't want other friends to dislike me. I RATE!!!
The Answer
I think the first thing you need to realize is that your reactions are NOT justified.
You said you normally agree with the actions you take, but that doesn't mean they are actually the right action.
You're friends may very well be rude sometimes, they might be drama-starters, they might be damn awful people, but that doesn't ever give you the right to be awful too (and it certainly never gives you the right to hit someone.)
If you are serious about changing and being a better person, you need to realize that being a better person is entirely about YOU. Forget them, it doesn't matter in the least what they do or what they say. If you are going to be a better person you need to master your reactions to other people's actions, no matter what those actions may be.
First off, if you really don't like someone, don't hang out with them. That is just asking for trouble. Why would you want to be with someone whose behavior drives you to violence?
Secondly, if you don't like what someone is doing this is the foolproof way to fix it: Tell them you are unhappy and don't want them doing that. Ask them to correct it and if they don't, walk away. Don't attack them, don't argue with them, if they don't get that what they did made you unhappy the best way to communicate that is to leave and avoid their company in the future unless they are willing to talk about the issue and you can come to some agreement. Always be open to people if they come back trying to make things right, even if they don't agree with you that what they did was wrong.
So, when someone steals your popcorn or food, don't hit them, try instead. "That's mine and I didn't say you could have it. Give it back to me and please don't take what's mine again. I don't want to be around people who take things from me without asking."
Or when someone tells you to do something "I'd like to help you, could you just ask me nicely instead?"
There is a huge difference between not letting people walk all over you and being a bitch who bullies other people. If you are yelling, stretching or hitting, you have crossed that line.
So next time someone does something that upsets you, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you are trying to be a better person no matter what people do to you. Count to five or to ten if it helps and then tell the person who has annoyed you what they did that bothered you and politely as possible tell them how you wish they would fix it.
It really doesn't matter what people do to us in life, who we are is defined by our reactions, not our circumstances.
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The Question
there is like a piece of skin that hangs down like an inch and a half when pulled down inbetween the lips of my vaginal area what is it? should i see a doctor?
The Answer
It's the labia minor, the stretchy inner lips of the vagina, perfectly normal.
Know your own body kiddo: http://www.coolnurse.com/vagina.htm
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The Question
Does anyone know what designers use to make their clothes is called? and please don't say models. But it's like a torso on a stand. Is it a mannequin?
The Answer
Mannequin's are just used to display clothing. What is used while they are being made is called a dress form (sometimes one word: dressform), so that is what you should look for it you are googling it. However, a lot of people just use the slang and call it a Judy.
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The Question
I've been hanging out with this boy for about a year and a half now. We onyl recently started hanging out alot. He comes to my window late at night & it seems like he tries to spend as much time with me as he can - even if it means him getting in trouble for being out of his house at like 3:00 in the morning. But when I'm with him, he says really hurtful things sometimes. Like, he'll tell me he loves me, but then a little while later he'll say something horrible about me or the way I do things or look. & he's completely obsessed with sex .. I don't know what to think.
The Answer
Although you might not be sure what to think, it sound like your gut is giving you some pretty good clues:
You aren't comfortable.
His behavior is kinda creeping you out.
You don't find his company completely pleasant.
Don't worry about what his problem is, it doesn't matter what's up in his mind. If you aren't happy, if this relationship isn't working for you then you can end it, or at least take a big step back. Tell him to stop when he says hurtful things, tell him you aren't interested in talking about sex, tell him you are tired and he needs to go home.
Nobody has to hang out with someone, but if you aren't feeling right about this then you have to stand up for yourself. Nothing will change until you do.
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The Question
hi, i just have a question about bumps on my breasts. well, they're not on my breasts but on my nipplles. they're tiny, prolly about a milimeter big.and theres quite a few of them. idk if this happens because i'm growing or something (14/f)? is it normal?
The Answer
Perfectly normal, so relax.
Tiny, raised bumps on the areola (the pink or browny circle around the nipple) are evidence of the Montgomery glad. Not just normal, but necessary for breastfeeding a baby.
Just more joys brought to you by puberty.
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The Question
I am a stay-at-home mom of a 1 year old. I start school very soon and my husband and I have a tight budget. I've been looking into work at home jobs. Most of them on the internet are scams that I've seen. A couple I know started working from home as independent consultants. They just bought a home and go on vacations and outings daily. They have substantial income from the "projects" that they do, working only 3 to 4 hours a day. How do I get this perfect job?
The Answer
Ask them.
Then tell me!
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The Question
I moved into an apartment with my friend and now I wanna move out. The problem is, we don't know who gets what (lamps, tables, couches, kitchen stuff...). Honestly, everything in MY room is what I paid for, and I bought most of everything else, but I can't remember exactly who bought what. How do we decide fairly who gets what? How do I handle something like this better in the future?
The Answer
In the future you put labels on things and hold on to receipts for large furniture pieces or appliances. (Holding on to those receipts is a good idea anyways, just in case anything ever goes wrong or needs to be replaced.)
Now that you are in the situation however, you just do your very best. Sometimes maintaining a friendship means sucking it up, and letting them have something even though you are *sure* it's yours. I’ve had about thirteen roommates in my life now, and I know some of them have walked away with some of my stuff (I also know I still have some of their things that they just forgot or never came back for, got a nice coat rack actually.)
Just stay open minded and relaxed, after all it’s just stuff, and you'll make it through.
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The Question
Ok, last week I asked what I should do about my "crush" on this girl I work with. I havent told my husband still and I'm just wondering... should I tell my husband that I'm sexually attracted to this woman? Do I tell her? Will that open a can of worms and hurt the good relationship that's going on so far? All I think I'm looking for is maybe some exploring as far as other women go but I dont want to hurt anyone. How can I be true to myself and still come out good in the end (if that's a possibility)?
The Answer
You are really getting ahead of yourself here. Tell your husband first and foremost, before you do anything. Tell him before you approach this woman, before you run a million fantasies through your mind and before you go off and explore!
I can't imagine how a person could be true to themselves, but lie to their partner in life! Your marriage is an integral part of who you are. Maybe even more integral then your sexual attractions. Your responsibility, first and foremost, is to your marriage. If you husband can be gently brought around to the idea of you exploring your attraction to women (And hey! He might be even more excited about it then you!) Well then great! Awesome! Have fun!
After your sexual attraction is out in the open with your husband, then the two you, together, can figure out what you’d like to do about this specific co-worker and how to best approach it (or if to approach it at all.)
The only way that this will be good in the end, is if you are true to yourself (obviously) AND to your obligations in life. You have no obligation to your co-worker, but you do have an obligation and moral responsibility when it comes to your husband. Deal with that, that real thing that is on your plate, first. Then, when you’ve gotten things straightened out there, you and your husband can start to figure out how the two of you, together, will approach this new chapter in your sex life.
Really and seriously, put this woman on the backburner. As much as you might like her, right now she isn’t vitally important. Always deal with the things in reality first, and your fantasies second.
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The Question
i have had feelings for this guy and my bestfriend has known this for years
i've heard he likes me too but sometimes he's so sweet and sometimes he's an ass to my face and teases me........the only reason i keep having feelings for him is bc deep down i can tell he likes me.
my bestfriend just had her heart broken from another guy and i helped her through everything........i was always with her encouraging her and bringing her flowers and crying with her.
a week later we were at a part.....i walk into a room and she is hooking up with the guy i like!!!
i can't begin to explain how bad that felt. i mean he's the reason i come to that party. he's the person i dress up to impress. i've liked him foreverrrrr! and my bestfriend???
so the next day i talk to her and tell her that she really hurt me. and she says she was drunk and she didn't know what she was doing. i tell her whatever and just move on.
but then the next week. i was at a party and i can't find her again! so i go upstairs and she's hooking up with him again!!!!!
by now i am sooooooooooooooooooooooo mad and sad and frustrated i just leave. i figure she's doing this bc she had her heart broken and she's trying to do it to me so i can feel it too.
the next day i talk to her and tell her she's being so low and i don't know what's going through her mind!!! she says she has feelings for him too. she's never told me that. and there's no reason i should be mad bc he's not my "property" and that when he starts making out with her......should she stop and tell him i can't bc my best friend like you too!
and then she also says the reason he's an ass to you sometimes is bc he just doesn't like you! you need to come to realize he does not like you!
and now i think she's going to start dating him.
she's been my bestfriend for 9 years. and i do everything with her.i don't want this to ruin our friendship. but i think it is already.
i feel like i've lost the guy i've always wanted and my bestfriend at the same time and i have no one to talk about it with.
The Answer
What your best friend did might not have been the most sensitive thing in the world dear, but she is right: It takes two to tango, and two to make-out and you don’t own a guy you have a crush on.
If you've liked a guy forever, but nothing has ever happened between you two, chances are your feelings weren't returned, or else, you missed your chance.
The guy you want, hasn't been interested enough in you to make a move, but seems to be very interested in her.
That’s the reality of it! Yeah, I know it sucks. But there it is. Whether or not you are still her friend, the two of them are still going to have made out, and their relationship, whatever it turns out to be, will run its course, independently of you.
So yeah, your friend behaved insensitively. It certainly would have seemed nicer if she had turned this guy down for your sake, but there was no law that said she had to.
Now you know what the facts are between the two of them, and you are just going to have to decide if you can live with them or not. Either you can forgive her and accept her decision (even if it wasn't the nicest one) and be her friend anyways, or you can't.
It's your choice now dear. Either your friendship is damaged, but still on, or it's broken beyond repair, and it's off.
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The Question
ok-
I'm f/13 and almost everyone aroungd where I live isn't virgin from age 11/up My friends and I are witch includes 2 boys- I was wondering, since alot of people(except parents) think we are wierd, Do you think it's wrong to be virgin?
The Answer
If you were 30 I'd be giving you the same advice dear: There is nothing wrong or right about being a virgin at any age, it's just a state of being, like being a brunette or a Jets fan.
Don't gauge your sexual experience by the people around you. When it comes to sex, we are all on our own path, and we are all always learning. You are not missing anything that you won’t enjoy just as much, and likely even more, for waiting.
So no, it’s not weird. What is weird is all your friends happily opening themselves up to the stress, heartache and tears that comes from a sexual relationship when they could just eat Oreos until they are sick.
Take it from a girl with enough sexual experience to make her momma cry: If anyone ever offers you Oreos or sex, take the oreos.
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The Question
my friend is alwayyss flirting with my boyfriends or ex-boyfriends. she even sleeps with them and it makes me soo mad. how can i overcome this feeling or deal with this problem?
The Answer
I'm sorry dear, but this is a no-brainer:
Stop being her friend.
A little bit of harmless flirting is fine, but if this girl has made a habit of flirting with your boyfriends or seems to feel an actual need to seduce your exes, then she is the one with the problem, not you.
If it was just a once or twice thing that seemed to be a coincidence, or if she stops flirting when asked nicely, then that's fine. But if this really is a pattern, I can't imagine why you would want to keep her friendship. Women who have a compulsive need to seduce men or be attractive to guys who are already in relationships are, by and large, vindictive and competitive with other women. That doesnâ??t make a good friend.
If you don't think she is one of those women, then just straight up ask her to stop flirting with your boy. (Sorry hun, you have no say in what she does to your exes.) But if you think she is the kind of girl who just *needs* to behave this way, I'd stop hanging out with her so much.
EDIT: Your welcome, but if your situation is more complicated then that, you might want to add some of the details about the complications to your question. We can only answer as well as we can with the information we have. Good Luck.
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The Question
When giving advice to someone on this website, i usually tell my point of view about the situation, and i also tell them the truth and what is right to do.But when i do that, i usually get rated a 1 or 3 because the people simply didn't hear what they wanted to hear. So my question is , how can we make people listen to what they are saying, and not just cover their ears and close their infront of the truth, and let go to hear what they want to hear. i have tried to help people alot, but they just don't seem to listen. i really want to help them, and i care so much about helping people and making them happy much more than i care about my ratings.So what do i do to make them listen to the truth?
The Answer
If they read what you wrote and rated you down for it then they are listening, they simply aren't believing yet.
Sometimes the best thing you can do for a person is be one more voice in the forest screaming "Stop it you damn fool!" It might take dozens of these voices before they listen to reason, but there is nothing wrong with being one of those voices.
Very rarely will one person change another’s mind if they don't want it changed, the best you can hope to be in those cases is one more nudge towards to the truth.
So can you make people believe your advice? No of course you can’t. The best you can do is tell the truth as you see it, be convincing and reasonable, be as kind as possible and be precise with your language. The rest is up to them.
So don't worry so much, rating aren't vitally important. Quality and honest advice is a much better aim anyways.
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The Question
I just got my period today. It sucks because these cramps are killing me and I feel like I want to die. What can I do so the cramps don't hurt as much? I know they sell pills or medicines or something but I don't know where they sell them or what they are called. Any excersizes or something I can eat? The only thing I know about is a heating pad, which I'm already using and it's helping a little bit, but not much. Any help would be appreciated.
The Answer
It's true there are a lot of pills especially for cramps, Midol is probably one the most popular one and they are sold over the counter at any drug store. If you went in and asked them, any employee could point them out to you very easily. But if you have Advil or ibuprofen in the house, take that, it isn't as great, but any anti-inflammatory will help a bit.
A lot of women find eating during the worst of the cramps actually makes them worse, just drink a lots for now, only eat when you are hungry. You can try taking a hot shower or bath; some people prefer that to the heating pad. I find my cramps aren't so bad if I am moving, so you might try taking a short brisk walk and see if that makes you feel any better. Your cramps might be so bad that they really incapacitate you, but being active is really way better for you then just lying around if you can manage it. Other then that, just try to keep your mind off of it, watch your favorite movie, read a book, call a friend. Normally the first day of your period is the worst cramps wise.
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The Question
My nephew KC is marrying Kendra and they have 1 child together who is 2 years old. This will be the 3rd date set for marriage. KC is not himself when she is around. He is extremely quiet and uninvolved with the family when she is around. But, when she leaves he smiles and laughs and has alot of fun. Kendra uses their daughter to get what she wants. She has told KC that he will not get to see their daughter when things are not going well between them. She has threatened to leave and he will never see her again. She has said the same thing to KC's mother and even went to their house and took all of their granddaughters photos from their home. She has called his cousins and told them that she hates our entire family. Their wedding is in a few weeks and we are not sure if it will happen but now she has contacted the flower girl's mother and told her that she is not needed in the wedding because of budget issues. She also sent an email to the best man's (KC's only brother) girlfriend and told her she is not invited to the wedding and that if anyone does not support their marriage then they should not be there. Please help with any advice.
The Answer
As long as your nephew crumbles to Kendra's controlling behavior, this situation isn't going to change. By sitting by and accepting her behavior he is enabling her. Why should she stop? She's not suffering at all; she's getting exactly what she wants.
Educate your nephew. Legally she can neither deny him OR the grandparents visitation. It sounds to me like taking her to court might actually be less painful then marrying her.
For everyone who doesn't support this marriage, now is the time to speak up, to hell with her feelings or her threats and everyone should double-check with your nephew before they consider themselves 'uninvited' to the wedding. If what you are saying is true, she is emotionally abusing your nephew, and someone needs to point that out to him very directly, even if he can't accept it yet. If he insists on marrying her, go to the wedding unless he asks you not to, encourage everyone to hold thier tongues, smile with happiness and give him all the love and support you can.
Good luck.
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The Question
my mom is sooo annoing with puberty and stuff. she acts all embarresed when i talk about it (which i hardly ever do cause since her behavior it makes me humiliated) and she reminds me of a 3 year old. I told her i had my period and she's like ok put a pad on and then for the last 2 days she has been acting all weird to me. We had like 3 pads left when i first got my first period and that was 2 days ago and i still have my period. So right now i'm on my last pad and i've been wearing it all day cause i'm way to embarresed to ask my mom if she can buy more cause then it will be awkward and the awkwardness is just beginning to wear off from when i told her i got my period. and also i'm extremely embarresed to go to the store and buy pads myself. I have no older siblings and I don't want to ask my dad to do it. Gosh PLEASE HELP HOW CAN I GET PADS??? Please I know this annoys you but: please dont tell me to ask my parents to buy some. Also please dont ask me to buy some cause when i went to cvs and bought acne wash for the first time the employee was trying to hide a smile.
The Answer
You could try and borrow some off a friend, but sooner or later you are going to have to get over this embarrassment. The clerks in the store DO NOT CARE! I promise you, they really don't. I was one. That clerk you thought was trying to hide a smile, was far more likely trying to stifle a yawn (or maybe daydreaming about Brad Pitt). We see everything from condoms and chocolate sauce, to medication for diarrhea. Unless you do something really crazy like talk about wearing them on your head, no cashier is going to take any notice.
Your mother's silly embarrassment is as pointless and groundless as your own. Her embarrassment isn't, and shouldn't be, your problem. Stop letting it stress you out. You need pads; she ought to make sure there are some in the house for you.
Sooner or later you are going to have to tell her to pick some up for you. Why go through all this needless stress now? Just get it over with, tell her, or at very least leave her a note saying that the house is all out of pads and they need to be replaced.
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The Question
Is the hole the tampon goes in the same one the penis goes in during sex?
The Answer
Yes. Thats the vaginal opening, thats where penis goes and where the baby comes out of.
http://www.coolnurse.com/vagina.htm
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The Question
40s - f - uk.
I've recently been diagnosed with COPD which is Chronic Obstructive Lung Disease. I also have unstable asthma. Due to this I have to take steroids quite often which makes me put on weight. The extra weight is not good as it puts more strain on my lungs. I am trying to be careful with what I eat. I'm not fat as such, but definitely under height for my weight!
I find it very difficult to exercise, walk far etc, due to the lung disease, but I need some form of exercise to try to keep the COPD at bay as long as possible.
Also, due in part to the steroids I have early onset osteoporosis, so exercise would be good for that as well. Doctors have not really been much help. Any suggestions please?
The Answer
Talk to different doctors, and maybe a nutritionist.
Your situation is much more complicated then most and a great deal higher risk. No one here is a doctor, I don't think there is even a person here who has any qualifications to advise you.
Don't take a laypersons advice. Seek second and third opinions, and try everything the doctor's suggest wholeheartedly. There are no quick fixes on things so complex as your health and weight; there are life changes that will help. You might also be able to find a support group or online community for COPD where there will be other people educated on the issues and having the same struggles.
I am sorry this isn't really the advice you are looking for, but I don't think you should be taking any ignorant advice of people on this site; your situation is too serious to be messing around.
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The Question
I was watching a movie today and it was kind of like the movie Thirteen, it's pretty much the same story just the movie I watched was based a true person - it was one of those lifetime original movies, Augusta Gone or something like that. Well I would never smoke because personally, I think it's a disgusting habit. But one of the girls on the show said that smoking (ciggarettes) helps quicken your metabolism. I was just curious as to whether or not that was true. And if you say that it is true, what's your proof? If it isn't true, how do you know for sure?
I promise this will in no way impact whether or not I smoke, I think smoking is gross, but I was just kind of curious when I heard that. I guess I could probably look it up myself, but my internet connection hasn't been very good and I've been getting really frustrated waiting for pages to load so I just assume this would be quicker on my part.
Thanks in advance for the answers.
The Answer
Scientific evidence suggests that while smoking might increase your metabolism, it only does so to a very very minimal amount. The weight loss and gain smokers experience has more to do with using smoking as an appetite suppressant: They light up to relieve any physical and mental discomfort (like hunger) rather then doing anything else (like eating). That is the reason smoking is related to your weight, not for it's very small effects on your metabolism.
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The Question
first of all its not an STD b/c my b/fs never been with sum1 n neither have i.....but it sumtimes burns when i pee and i have a little tiny sliver like thing...and ive been getting them since i was little....and i do wear thongs n tight fitting cloths....what could it be a yeast infection?
The Answer
Sounds more like a urinary tract infection.
See a doctor.
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The Question
I'm 15 and in need of a job. The store I want to work at only hires people 16 and older. Should I add a year to my age? what's the worst thing that can happen & could they easily find out? I'm just wondering... thanks!
The Answer
They will probably find out the first time they pull up your social security number, which they will need to do to hire you or to pay you.
If they find out you lied on your application they will immediately fire you with prejudice (which basically means you can't use them as a reference) and they could pursue criminal charges, although they probably wouldn't bother too. But if you put lie on official documentation about your age, like an employment form or application it could be a felony.
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