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I am greedy because of a second grade issue?
14/f. This I guess could either go under families or friends. Sorry this is sort of long. This whole thing started in like, second grade when my friends would snatch my snack and food and stuff right out of my hands. I was too nice and it really made me sad, but I just didn't say anything. I was always being joked around with. My friends would call me fat just as a joke(even though I wasn't, I was JUST as 'fat' as they were). All of this bothered me and I didn't really show it until last school year. To prevent anyone from taking my stuff, I would scratch them or slap them when they perpously try to steel my food. I didn't TRY to scratch them and stuff, it was sort of just an automatic reaction. For example, the other day at the movie theatre my friend dumped the remainder of the popcorn in my hair so I slapped her. I still feel that most of the time they deserve it, but I have heard people think I am a bitch lately. I don't let people walk all over me like they used to. If they tell me to do something, I say no, just because I feel like I am being walked over. If they would have asked I would have said yes though. I think this is me unvolentarily preventing being walked over like in second grade. I really want to change because one of my drama-starting friends (same one in the popcorn incident) says that a lot of people think I am being a bitch lately. Please help me change... I don't want to be fake because I usually agree with the actions I take when a friend does something rude and uncalled for. Please help me change!! I don't care about that one friend liking me or not because I REALLY dont like her, but I don't want other friends to dislike me. I RATE!!!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
i know how you feel. my friends hit me somtimes.
i think what happened in the second grade has made you a little too assertive
i think you should talk with your friends and if that dosn't work then maybe not hang out with them
nobody wants friends like that
i also reccomend to see a consliler
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I think the first thing you need to realize is that your reactions are NOT justified.
You said you normally agree with the actions you take, but that doesn't mean they are actually the right action.
You're friends may very well be rude sometimes, they might be drama-starters, they might be damn awful people, but that doesn't ever give you the right to be awful too (and it certainly never gives you the right to hit someone.)
If you are serious about changing and being a better person, you need to realize that being a better person is entirely about YOU. Forget them, it doesn't matter in the least what they do or what they say. If you are going to be a better person you need to master your reactions to other people's actions, no matter what those actions may be.
First off, if you really don't like someone, don't hang out with them. That is just asking for trouble. Why would you want to be with someone whose behavior drives you to violence?
Secondly, if you don't like what someone is doing this is the foolproof way to fix it: Tell them you are unhappy and don't want them doing that. Ask them to correct it and if they don't, walk away. Don't attack them, don't argue with them, if they don't get that what they did made you unhappy the best way to communicate that is to leave and avoid their company in the future unless they are willing to talk about the issue and you can come to some agreement. Always be open to people if they come back trying to make things right, even if they don't agree with you that what they did was wrong.
So, when someone steals your popcorn or food, don't hit them, try instead. "That's mine and I didn't say you could have it. Give it back to me and please don't take what's mine again. I don't want to be around people who take things from me without asking."
Or when someone tells you to do something "I'd like to help you, could you just ask me nicely instead?"
There is a huge difference between not letting people walk all over you and being a bitch who bullies other people. If you are yelling, stretching or hitting, you have crossed that line.
So next time someone does something that upsets you, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you are trying to be a better person no matter what people do to you. Count to five or to ten if it helps and then tell the person who has annoyed you what they did that bothered you and politely as possible tell them how you wish they would fix it.
It really doesn't matter what people do to us in life, who we are is defined by our reactions, not our circumstances.
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I'm not so sure if you are the one who needs to change. It sounds like you are just fed up with their childish crap! The "dramatic" friends are getting a rise out of you, and that's what they are trying to acheive. They are addicted to drama, and are trying to pull you in!
While this will be the most difficult thing of all, when they do something mean or childish to you, act like you just don't care. If you need something to say.. you could always say "Come on, I thought you were smarter than that" and then walk away. There's no written rule that says we have to be nice to people when they are being mean
to us. Come at them in subtle ways that will have them wondering "what the hell just happened"? They will expect you to act like you always have, and when you don't fall for their antics, they may just stop doing whatever it is that annoys you. Not letting people walk on you is a good thing, but solving problems with a "slap" no matter how much they deserve it, is not a good thing.
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OK from the sounds of it you are not being all that bitchy. Although I would try to work on the type of reactions you give. What works for me since I am naturally a bitch is to count to 5 then react, instead of hitting or scratching say listen I think that what you just did was uncalled for and unless you would like me to do the same thing to you don't do it again. IF they demand that you do something tell them that since you have your own mind you don't need someone telling you what to do, and if they want to get a yes out of you then they should learn the art of asking not telling.
If you say no with a joke it works as well i.e. wow I didn't know my mom made you my boss when she's not here...
As for being called a bitch women are often called that when we are assertive as opposed to men being called strong so it is something that you will hear throughout your life. Sucks I know but there are worse things to be called.
Hope this helps
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