So, like, I'm this guy. And like, I do stuff...
Chemist, musician, artist, programmer, coach, husband, dad, uncle, etc.
So yeah.
Advice-wise? There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
Website: Not My Site!
E-mail: sporkopolis2001@yahoo.com
Gender: Male
Occupation: Chemist
Age: 32
Member Since: October 16, 2003
Answers: 1249
Last Update: June 1, 2006
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Alright, so a friend of mine's dad died on tuesday after a long battle with a brain tumor. i've known the guy for since like thrid grade (we're freshemen now) and his mom was my teacher. when i heard about this i was very upset. I couldn't bring myself to go to the funeral today, but i'm worried my friend's going to think i don't care about him, and that i'm not worried about him. I'm sending him a card and donating for the charity they wanted us to donate to instead of flowers, but is there anything else i could do for them? i feel horrible about not going to the funeral, but what else should i do? (link)
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While I can understand you being uncomfortable at the funeral, you should make it a point to visit your friend. Talk to him, let him know verbally that you're thinking of him. Do the same thing for his mom, especially since she was a teacher of yours. By expressing your sympathies for both him and his mom, you'll show a great deal of respect for the family in their time of loss. By making a point of talking to your friend, you'll show you care. Don't make a big deal about the funeral. Should he ask, I think there's no harm in admitting that you were uncomfortable attending - don't be afraid to say you were even "scared" to go - but make it a point to let him know that you do care and that you do think about him and the sense of loss he must have.
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OK...telling this story is getting really annoying, and I'd appreciate it if I didn't get snide comments about it, I already feel like a whore.
Well, to start it out, I had just gotten this new account on vampirefreaks. My friend had some crazy-cool people posting on hers so I went to check it out. One of the guys was so awesome. His profile was freakin' long and crazy, and he seemed really sweet. I left a message on his site and toddled off. Then he left a message on mine and so on. Well, anyways, we started talking on IM. The first time, I thought I had thoroughly annoyed him, so when we spoke next I apologized. Well, during our second conversation, we started making out. We pretty far, but not quite THAT far. Before I'd really talked to him, I thought he was really great, and when I did talk to him, I began to develop a crush on him.
A few days passed, othing happened. But then, his birthday came around. We had talked a little bit...and then we started doing a few things. It was mostly me doing, well, everything, so it was sort of weird. but that time, we did everything... In the end, I thought it had meant othing to him, but it didn't really bother me. but then after we did all of that, I felt sort of guilty, dirty...
Later that same night, after talking to 2 of my very close friends (one online, one not), i still felt bad. Then I was IMed by another guy from vampirefreaks, that I had become friends with a few days earlier. (NOTE: i had been at school, trying to sign in to vampirefreaks, and I wandered aimlessly onto this one page and it said the name Eryk. I looked at the pics and thought he was pretty, decided to look later. I looked him up later, and it wasn't him, but this other guy. There weren't any pictures of him so I read his profile. I left a comment, then he looked at my profile and IMed me. Thats how I met him.)
I Started talking with him, and he seemed sweet and he was always really nice and funny. I did like him, yeah, but I didn't really know how much. So, on the same day as the incident with Dion, I also did stuff with the other guy (his name is Dan). After all of that Dani and I talked... and he said that he'd liked me. I did like him to, so we just talked. Then after a few days we're like in love... My mum finds out about the cyber because I had printed it *dolt* 'cause I needed to talk to my friends about it. Mum banned me from IM. I snuck on to talk to them both, last night. Turns out it did mean something to Dion, and now he won't tell me how he feels about me. Dan and I are currently split up because he needs to think about some things, but he says that once he's done, we can go back to that. So, everything with Dan is ok, I think. But what do I do about Dion? And what about mum? (link)
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Umm... pretty much anything like that on-line, well... IT ISN'T REAL! Who the hell cares about people "making out" online? It didn't really happen - you didn't make out. You typed stupid crap to each other - it DOES mean NOTHING. IT WASN'T REAL!
In all honesty, I don't blame your mother for banning you from using IM. Live in reality, not the on-line fantasy world. Reality is something you have to deal with on a daily basis. On-line crap is just that, crap. It really does sound like you need a break from it.
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Please help me if you would. I have a big time problem, I have had a headache for a week, It is not like any normal headache. It's like KILLER PAIN. I have been to the doctor, he put me on a few pain medicines. Nothing is helping what so ever. I also have a blisters in my throat, and a red rash is spreading over it. Today I noticed that I am getting black spots in my mouth now. Could it be a brain tumor? What else? Im getting VERY scared. Someone out of the kindness of your heart, please help, thank you very much. God Bless You
RockiinPiink10 (link)
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viral infection, possibly with a bacerial secondary infection... go see another doctor. If you had a brain tumor, they'd have run a CAT-scan on your head to detect a mass. Given the condition of your throat, there is no reason to suspect tumors, but every reason in the world to suspect infections.
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ok, does any oen know any good ways to get rid of hiccups? and fast? and is it bad if i get hiccups on an almost daily basis? please help me out
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Many of the answers given so far are just myth. First off, what is a hiccup? It is a muscle spasm in the diaphragm. How can you stop and/or prevent them? Get better control over your diaphragm.
Great... so how do you do that? Breathing exercises. To get rid of them, inhale deeply, hold your breath a moment, then slowly release the air through pursed lips. Do this several times. This forces you to override the diaphragm's natural impulses, and can usually get rid of hiccups easily. People often think of holding their breath, but never think of exhaling slowly - that is the key part to this.
If you get hiccups very frequently, you might consider performing breathing exercizes like the one I described to you. Do things to control your breath, breathing in a steady, slow manner. You can even practice as you walk around - inhale for 3 steps, exhale 3 steps... then change it to inhale 2 steps, exhale 5 steps... etc... this essentially is providing controlled exercise for your diaphragm - just like any standard conditioning drill done in a gym or running on a track. If you can master breath control, you'll pretty much never have hiccups again.
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Hi okay this might sound dumb but, whats a g*string? please help me! i rate high ~ (link)
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A g-string is the 4th string on a guitar when using standard tuning...
Or, it is yet another term for butt-floss, aka thong.
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OK.. I've asked this before.. but I need more help..
My shoes smell REALLY bad.. i've tried Odor Eaters.. perfume (3 kinds) and even dr. scholls foot powder stuff..
is there ANYTHING besides washing my shoes .. that will take care of the smell.
Im afraid if i put my shoes in the washer and dryer.. they might come apart.. ive had that happen before..
please help me!! Thanks!
p.s. im goin to try bakin soda right now.. but any suggestions are GREATLY appreciated.. and DONT tell me to get new shoes.. mom already so no.. unless I HAVE to
THANKS AGAIN (link)
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Activated charcoal. You should be able to find it pretty much anywhere. I would not recommend just filling your shoes with it, though. Put the charcoal into breathable cloth bags, stuff those into your shoes, then place the stuffed shoes into a plastic bag and tie the bag off tightly. Leave them sit for a few days if possible.
Febreeze might also help.
Other thing to try - put your shoes in a plastic bag, tie it off, and place them in the freezer overnight. This can kill the bacteria that cause the odors.
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ok, yesterday at school my wallet was stolen. then today, some one said they found it in the park and gave it back to me, i looked and all my money is missing, but my photo id is still there. but i am afraid who ever took my money also wrote down my social security number. and now i am afraid of identity theft. what can i do? btw, i'm 17 if that helps any (link)
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You can file a police report, but I'm not sure what good that will do you - no matter what, document that this happened. Though this comment won't make you feel any better, but pretty much anyone can find someone SSN with little effort. Write off your loss of money, and just be aware for a while that info could have been lifted. If your wallet only contained ID and cash, and nothing like credit cards, then you're probalby fine.
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okay, I didn't really think I'd get any more answers to my previous question, so I'm going to put my addition to my additional answer here.
Here is my question. When you cut yourself, which by the way I'm trying to stop, so I don't really need help there, I was wondering, will the scars ever go away? Because I cut first letter of my first name in my arm, and now I regret it, and it's not that deep. None of the cuts I made had actually bled, they jstu got scabs over them. So will the scars be there forever? (link)
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scars are scars... some might heal, or slowly fade with time, but if severe enough, you might have some of them forever... that's why they are called scars.
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18/f here-does anyone know a really good deoderant to use? Not for smell, but to greatly reduce sweating? I have to change my shirts all day because they keep getting wet, it's gross and embarassing. And if no one has found one off the shelf, is a prescription one expensive, do you have to see a doctor (no insurance) or just ask a pharmacist? Deoderants I've tried are secret platinum soft solid, and adidas smart technology. And botox would be too expensive (it's supposed to stop excessive sweating). thanks guys. (link)
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Your body sweats because it is hot. Sweating is a good thing. Not sweating can be very bad. And if you stop your pits from sweating, your body will just start sweating more from someplace else.
For good measure, I'll point out that deodorant is not the same as an antipersperant. Botox reducing sweating seems silly, as it just paralyzes muscles.
You might just have to consider the clothing you wear, and apply anti-persperant more than once a day. Also analyze your diet - your metabolism effects rather directly how you sweat.
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I'm loosing it! 28yrs, recently married 3 months ago. Let's just say it hasn't been a bed of roses.
1st there's my stepson. 8yrs. Has grown up mostly alone with just his Dad. Spoilt brat! So I'm working day by day to be the stepmother, but in his eyes it's just EVIL STEPMOTHER. He is very rude, spiteful, headstrong, and most of the time does what he pleases if I don't put my foot down.
Now ontop of that I'm dealing with my husband (29yrs) who recently discovered he suffers from Panic/stress/anxiety attacks and hypertension. He moans evryday about how ill he feels, and I have to remain quiet & supportive. When I try to speak to him about anything, from his son, to his "condition" he tells me I am making it worse! He uses his stressful job and the stress of life as an excuse. I love him dearly & I am trying very hard to cope with his son, and him. I have suggested we take his son to a Therapist & that he see another Dr, for a 2nd opinion on his health, or even a Therapist to help him cope with every day stresses. He freaked out! Today, I lost it, and told him to get over himself, and that he should realise that he's not the only one dealing with stress. It's not the first time I've lost my cool either. We've been fighting alot recently because of everything going on. I really don't know what else to do. He and my stepson are driving me to the edge. I'm trying so hard to be strong, cause my husband's not well. But having to deal with this moaning evry day and my stepson are now taking it's toll. To top it off, my husband wants us to start trying for a baby, I desperatly want to too, but then I;m thinking "An ill husband, a terror of a stepson and a newborn baby? NO WAY!"
As much as I love him, and I want to be a good stepmother to his son, I feel as if I just want to run away because I can't handle all of this anymore. (link)
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Your husband clearly needs to not only see a therapist, but probably will be prescribed the following: a regimented exercise program, as physical activity like that is proven to reduce stress and anxiety; and probalby a prescription for a low-level anti-anxiolytic agent. There are several on the market - a good friend of mine takes one of them (or at least did). He noted that exercise was the best thing, and that the pills really did keep him from freaking out over stupid things. The really nice thing is, once the patient realizes how to deal with anxiety, it is VERY easy to treat.
Your husband using it as a crutch, though, is just kinda sad. He needs to pull his head out of his ass and get on with his life by realizing it is easily treatable, so long as he wants to be treated.
I don't really know what to tell you about the step-son bit. He's at that stage in life where he's really attempting to assert himself, and unfortunately, you're his victim. You're seen as the outsider to him, you changed his norm, you disrupted his reality. I agree that changing his attitude needs to come form your husband - he needs to make it clear that HE is the one that brought you into the family, that HE is the one who disrupted his son's norm and that his son needs to realize that change is, change happened, change will always be there, and to get over it and start trying to accept that this is the new family.
As far as a new baby goes, for someone who suffers anxiety, your husband hasn't considered the stress of a newborn? Yikes. I think if your husband is willing to go for therapy / exercise / etc, that trying for a baby is fine. Otherwise, I can only see that as making him worse.
Above all, keep your own sanity in mind, and don't let your husband use his condition as a cop-out. He does live with you, he IS married to you, and therefore, he NEEDS to be a husband and father and find a way to deal with these things.
Good luck.
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Um, I was a moderator a little while back, my sn was CrazySquirrel. and i was a 1st level mod, and then it cleared all my ratings, and it kicked me off, and i wasnt' a mod nemore, now it won't lemme use that sn, I like my new Advice collemn better, but i was wondering if you know why that happened. (link)
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Ratings are only used in overall rating calculations for 30 days or something like that. It is listed in the FAQ/Help section. When you've been inactive for a certain period of time, you lose mod status. If you're still "qualified" to be a L1 mod (again, as listed in the FAQ), you can click the link called "Make me a Mod", which is once again, listed in the FAQ.
Since you have a new screen name, you're starting from scratch. When you meet the requirements under the new name, you can be a L1 mod again.
As far as not being able to log into your old account, either you deleted it, which you can now do, or you totally fubar'ed your password and the email address you listed in it is no longer valid, otherwise you'd be able to have the system email you a new password.
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ok im 18 years old and im a guy. my question is ... when am i gonna start to grow a beard? my beard hasnt come in at all and ive never shaved ever in my life. Its kinda sad really, shouldnt it be in by now? All my friends shave all the time. any ideas? (link)
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As odd as this might sound - start shaving anyway. Sometimes the act of starting to shave your face can stimulate the facial hair to grow a bit more.
Also, some guys just grow facial hair really slowly. I mean, there's no way I could have a full beard, even if I wanted to. It just isn't going to happen, not to mention that like many guys, there are these areas where facial hair just doesn't grow. In fact, for me, those spots prevent me attempting a goatee (tried it once, looked really damned stupid).
I think my wife's youngest brother (who is 9 years older than us) wasn't really able to grow a beard until almost 30.
So yeah, basically, you're really in the same boat as a crapload of other guys. I'd just try to not worry about it, as it really isn't worth worrying about.
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I know I'm only 13 but I am interested in becoming an art teacher when I am older. Out of interest, what courses would I have to take? How long would I take to qualify? etc (link)
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You would need to take classes in art, obviously. You would also have to take education (pedagogy) course work, including some sort of teaching certification. Some schools offer an actual degree in art education, though I'm really not sure if this is quite the same thing as "art instruction" (teaching about art vs. teaching art). If you're really very curious, there's no harm in checking out websites of various colleges, including universities and specific art colleges. Odd are, like most other education degrees, this would require a 4-year degree.
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Hello, I am 14 and my column is: Threedaysgrace_gurl and I have a question which I cannot figure out. Every now and then when I get on Advicenators to answer questions, when I click on a question, it sometimes says "We would love for you to answer this question, but you're not a registered user". Even though I am already logged in! Please help because I don't know why it's doing that! I will rate high for anyone who answers! Thank you so much! (link)
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Try intentionally logging out and back in. Before you do that, check your profile settings to make sure your email address is listed correctly.
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my boyfriend always calls me sayin "oh me and ____ were flirting again today"..and then the whole story like i wanna hear about that b.cz last time he did this we broke up so he could get with some girl (he didnt) then we hooked back up so i think were gunna break up so they can hook up and then when their done its back to me...whats he doin??? and then hes like "she rly rly cute but ur better"..which i dont belive bcz we dont go to the same school so i dont kno her and i wanna talk to him about this but i dont know how i mean if were gunna break up juss so he can get with sum other gurrl then i shouldnt stay with him right?? what should i do? (link)
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You are being used. Why do you keep going back to this guy? Dump him and move on.
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My friend's dad smokes. She is afraid he will die! She says that he has been coughing really bad latly. She says he is trying to stop smoking, but not really suceeding. She says that he is the one who brings all the money to the family, and shes just very afraid. She is afraid he will die from cancer or something. So basically, i need some advice in helping her through these hard times, and maybe if theres a good way to help her dad smoking. Thank you! (link)
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First off, unless he has actually been diagnose with cancer, his coughing could be anything from a general lower-respiratory infection to allergies to asthma to emphysema. She can't read too much into it, that's just being paranoid.
What she can do is this: offer lots of emotional support to her dad, harass him when she catches him smoking, and make a big deal about him stepping up his efforts to quit. Her father must be committed to quitting, not just making a half-assed effort into it. And she does have the ability to apply pressure. She needs to voice her concerns to her father - if she doesn't, how will he ever know how she feels about the situation? She needs to be vocal and active. She needs to keep her dad motivated and committed to quitting, too. Many people really cannot quit smoking by themselves - it really is hard to do.
As an aside, he might look into taking niacin vitamin supplements (niacin and nicotine bascically become the same chemical in the body after metabolism... interesting stuff, there...). He might also consider walking about with a pen in his mouth as a way to get over the physical habit of have the oral fixation of the cigarette in his lips (yes, this is a real thing). I know a few ex-smokers who say very good things about the patch methods for quitting. I've not heard much good about the nicotine-containing gum, though.
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Ok well to start off the question...I have a boyfriend named..lets call him bob....well we broke-up over a really dumb reason, but we got back together yesterday....I like him a lot but He is always rude to me and He told me [when we broke up] that he was thinkin about it a week be4? and I think now that were goin out again hes just screwing me over I dont kno!..well plz help me
Also I have feelings like I just want to break up with him because I love bein single and I have a crush on sum1 else!
(link)
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So why exactly are you back with "bob"? Your logic, well... there just isn't any. Time to move on. Let him go - in all honesty, he sounds a bit like an asshole, and is making you look gullible. Drop him like a rock and move on.
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Okay so i always like to look good. When i walk out the door i have to make sure that i'm dressed nice, my hair looks good, my make-up's alright...i want people to think i'm hot. So i always make sure i do and when i walk out of the house i feel confident. But then if i meet up w/ some girlfriends i'm constantly comparing myself to them. At the end of the day i'm convinced that i look horrible next to them and that makes me feel insecure. Does this happen to anyone else and how can i fix it? (link)
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Stop worrying about superficial nonsense and worry more about how people act and what they do. Appearance is NOT everything. By comparing yourself, you're making it into some sort of competition. What does that accomplish for you? If all this is doing is creating negative feelings inside you, then it needs to stop. Worry less about appearance and more about attitudes and actions.
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I have bitten my nails for as long as I can remember and now they are very short and small. I have tried absolutely every trick in the book to give up but I always give up and start biting again. I can't help it, I always set out with the willpower to give up but I'll get bored in a lesson and start to chew. My boyfriend and all my friends and family think it's disgusting and are always trying to get me to stop but I can't, what should I do? (link)
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You're lucky you haven't lost any nails to infection yet.
Have you tried putting really nasty tasting medicines on your nails? They make stuff that tastes horrible but is safe for this purpose. Usually it is used to get little kids to stop sucking their fingers, but it can work here as well. Might be worth looking into.
My other thought would be to chew more gum. Seriously.
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This year i took honors science. It's hard as hell, i dont understand anything and i have to do a stupid science fair project! Last year i got all "A's" now Im getting a "C" in science. I've tried to get out of it but it wont work! Any suggestions for science fair, grade pull ups, or even to get out of it??? PLZ I'LL rate a 5 if u try- Except spike cause he dont help at all. (link)
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Find someone to tutor you on the material. I still tutor people to this day, mostly on chemistry, but science in general, too. If you go this route, make sure you let your your teacher know you've gotten a tutor - this typically makes an excellent impression with the teacher and they become a little more aware that you really are working hard at doing better.
Tutors basically will just try to work with you to give you one-on-one explanations of the class material. A good tutor will try different means to help you to understand the lessons, because not all people learn the same way. I have gotten to the point in tutoring people that we ended up covering more material than the actual class, and even moving ahead in the book. It is possible to take a student from the edge of failing, and have them end up with a B in the class. It isn't easy, but if you're willing to give it a shot, and you can find a tutor that you not only like, but also knows their stuff, there's no reason why you can't start doing better, too.
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