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Moaning husband & spoilt brat of a stepson driving me mad!
I'm loosing it! 28yrs, recently married 3 months ago. Let's just say it hasn't been a bed of roses.
1st there's my stepson. 8yrs. Has grown up mostly alone with just his Dad. Spoilt brat! So I'm working day by day to be the stepmother, but in his eyes it's just EVIL STEPMOTHER. He is very rude, spiteful, headstrong, and most of the time does what he pleases if I don't put my foot down.
Now ontop of that I'm dealing with my husband (29yrs) who recently discovered he suffers from Panic/stress/anxiety attacks and hypertension. He moans evryday about how ill he feels, and I have to remain quiet & supportive. When I try to speak to him about anything, from his son, to his "condition" he tells me I am making it worse! He uses his stressful job and the stress of life as an excuse. I love him dearly & I am trying very hard to cope with his son, and him. I have suggested we take his son to a Therapist & that he see another Dr, for a 2nd opinion on his health, or even a Therapist to help him cope with every day stresses. He freaked out! Today, I lost it, and told him to get over himself, and that he should realise that he's not the only one dealing with stress. It's not the first time I've lost my cool either. We've been fighting alot recently because of everything going on. I really don't know what else to do. He and my stepson are driving me to the edge. I'm trying so hard to be strong, cause my husband's not well. But having to deal with this moaning evry day and my stepson are now taking it's toll. To top it off, my husband wants us to start trying for a baby, I desperatly want to too, but then I;m thinking "An ill husband, a terror of a stepson and a newborn baby? NO WAY!"
As much as I love him, and I want to be a good stepmother to his son, I feel as if I just want to run away because I can't handle all of this anymore.
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Anxiety disorders are serious buisness. They cannot just be "gotten over." It is not cut and dry like that. You should not be belittling his condition. He already has enough on his plate and he sounds like he is on edge too.
Is it possible that you weren't ready for marriage? Weren't to oready to love someone for their faults? Maybe he is not ready to go to a therapist. He needs to go when he is ready, not when his wife pushes him to. These things can not just become invisible and pressure DOES MAKE IT WORSE.
As for the 8 year old, you are complaining? You should have realized it wouldn't all be some fairy tale. It is hard for children to have to face a new person in their parent's lives. Did you realize that if you have another kid it is not all going to be easy. LIFE ISN'T EASY- WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE.
Honestly, you would think that someone who was in love would be able to support their husband in a dire time of need. That family just might not be the right one to be a part of for you.
I'd look into therapy myself. What you have is what we like to call "a self pitying disorder".
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My dad has that too! so i know what your going through as far as the moaning and complaining alot!. And i have a step brother that age. Well all i know is that the moaning is a phase they go through in the beginning because their scared that something bad is going to happen to them or atleast i think thats how it goes. As for your stepson i think hes worried about his dad and mad that maybe your spending to much time with his dad and he thinks that his dad is going to forget about him so he doesnt like you very much!.Try spending some time with your stepson and maybe even you can spend sometime away from the house maybe go out with some of your friends for awhile or a vaction!.Good Luck~ i know i probably wasnt any help but i tried! [[bLonDii]]
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Your husband clearly needs to not only see a therapist, but probably will be prescribed the following: a regimented exercise program, as physical activity like that is proven to reduce stress and anxiety; and probalby a prescription for a low-level anti-anxiolytic agent. There are several on the market - a good friend of mine takes one of them (or at least did). He noted that exercise was the best thing, and that the pills really did keep him from freaking out over stupid things. The really nice thing is, once the patient realizes how to deal with anxiety, it is VERY easy to treat.<br>
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Your husband using it as a crutch, though, is just kinda sad. He needs to pull his head out of his ass and get on with his life by realizing it is easily treatable, so long as he wants to be treated.<br>
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I don't really know what to tell you about the step-son bit. He's at that stage in life where he's really attempting to assert himself, and unfortunately, you're his victim. You're seen as the outsider to him, you changed his norm, you disrupted his reality. I agree that changing his attitude needs to come form your husband - he needs to make it clear that HE is the one that brought you into the family, that HE is the one who disrupted his son's norm and that his son needs to realize that change is, change happened, change will always be there, and to get over it and start trying to accept that this is the new family.<br>
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As far as a new baby goes, for someone who suffers anxiety, your husband hasn't considered the stress of a newborn? Yikes. I think if your husband is willing to go for therapy / exercise / etc, that trying for a baby is fine. Otherwise, I can only see that as making him worse.<br>
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Above all, keep your own sanity in mind, and don't let your husband use his condition as a cop-out. He does live with you, he IS married to you, and therefore, he NEEDS to be a husband and father and find a way to deal with these things.<br>
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Good luck.
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life has it's ups and downs, right now its at the down side, everythings pouring down at you at once and you just need sympathy and someone who will listen to you and relax you from your pain. i am soon to have a step mother, she's a sweet person. but i got kind of upset because i wasn't spending enough time with my father, and i missed him a lot. i told her that once in awhile if it was okay if he could just take me home, because there was things i needed to talk to MY father about. Anyways, my point is that maybe theres something inside of him that's hurting or he misses his real mother, birth mother. i understand that your having a hard time with family issues at home, and then a kid around the house can be stressful, but maybe sometime when your husband isn't around, talk to him about how he feels about you and cope with him about it, talk to him about somethings that are going on in your life. If i had the chance to get closer with my step mom, i would. i love her, but we both...we can't stand eachother. because of her, i haven't seen my father in months..and he forgot my last birthday- talk to him about it, because if he feels threatened by you, which may be the case- you need to talk to him and be there for him. Maybe he misses that sympathetic one, the person that tucks him into bed or gives him a kiss goodnight, you know? the things mom would do. I konw you will never be his full mom, but i think he needs to know that you're there. start going to a therapist and talking about your issues, or even join a yoga class or something, no wait.. Go to a massage therapist, something relaxing and something for you. If you need me again, ask me. i'm here.
Hope I helped.
Emi*
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