"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone." - Audrey Hepburn
I came to this site for advice about a man and love. That very question turned my entire world around and I have had my eyes opened to things I never noticed before.
I've stayed here so that I can share the knowledge I do have. I know I'm not changing the world but I do hope that I spark others to open their eyes.
"The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself." - Oscar Wilde
So, if you learn something from what I say then repeat it to someone else who can use it.
I hope that if you see an answer of mine that you enjoy it will inspire you to go out of your way to give good, solid information. Provide links for further information, detail your responses, encourage people to seek out professionals when it's needed, and stop sugar-coating responses and just say the truth.
I hope that even if you absolutely hate my answer that it'll kick start your brain. Hopefully you'll begin taking your time to respond instead of hurried answers that are useless to an already confused person.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost
Gender: Female
Location: WV / KY / ND
Occupation: Technical Account Management
Age: 24
Member Since: October 12, 2007
Answers: 1511
Last Update: August 15, 2011
Visitors: 144146
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I've been with this guy for three years. If his heart stopped beating right now I would give him mine. When he asked me to marry him all I could think of was yes. We're both young, but I love him so much and I just couldn't picture myself with anyone else. I started college a couple months ago and I met this other guy. I've noticed signs that he likes me. He's said that he wishes I was single. He helps me with my homework. He walks me to my car when it's dark. I appreciate this especially because my fiance isn't there to do these things. He goes to a different college. There are so many days that I wonder what it would be like to be with this other guy. I know that I can't because (1) I'm engaged! (2)This other guy is a temporary research student and next week he will go back to his college... which is across the country! Still so many nights I have bad dreams and fantasies. I can't get good sleep. My fiance used to be the first man I thought of when I woke up and I feel horrible because he isn't now. I've talked with him about this and he is trying to do everything he can to make me happy and it does help. But, these wandering thoughts are still inside my head. And, I don't wanna marry someone if I'm not 100 percent sure anymore. What should I do??? (link)
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Finding another person attractive is normal.
(It's human nature to find features of others attractive, pleasant, or admirable. Having a desire for someone else is completely different though.)
Wanting to actually be with another person is not normal or healthy though.
Having fantasies of another person is not normal or healthy. It wrong on so many levels and will lead to the absolute destruction of your relationship and your partner's self-esteem.
Having the question of, "I wonder what it would be like to be with this person...he seems really great..." or secretly wishing you were single so that you could go out with the other man...NOT NORMAL at all.
If you're not 100% sure you can be devoted to this particular man for the rest of your life then it's really time to move on and give the guy a break while there's still time. Marriage means devotion forever. You know that deep down inside this is not right or you wouldn't be questioning it like you are. You know it isn't normal to wake up with another man in your mind. You know that this is not the way a healthy relationship works out.
Your fiance is doing everything he can to fix this situation but it isn't going to be fixed. It's just time to move on. He isn't "the one" after all. Having him do things to make you happy--to create happiness that should already be there--is unhealthy, wrong, and almost like taking advantage of someone in many ways. If you're not happy just being with him then the love is really not there. I know, it can be pretty heartbreaking or devastating to realize that but it's the truth.
Sit down with your fiance and let him know that the sparks are gone. He doesn't light up your life any more. Your heart does not beat solely for him. You've realized that the relationship you two are in is incredibly unhealthy for both of you. Let him know that you've realized that you cannot be devoted to loving him until death.
Reassure him that it isn't anything he did. You two are just not long-term compatible. You long for someone else and something else. You think he's a great, wonderful human being but it just isn't meant to be.
Then step away.
He will not and can not change this no matter how hard he tries. Your subconscious is screaming at you that this is not right. Step away now to avoid crushing the guy completely. Every moment you waste making him regret being who he is will taking precious time away from you both finding your true loves.
You are young. It's time to listen to your heart and do what you know is right. You can move on, date around for awhile, and you will run into the man of your dreams. Your fiance will likely be very hurt by the situation but sometimes the truth just hurts. I assume he's fairly young too--and that's great because he can stop wasting time trying to please you and find a woman who is already happy with him just being him.
Your not a bad person for not realizing what you should have done sooner but it's time to make your next move. Break it off with the guy now and move forward with your lives as separate people.
You want everlasting love.
Love that doesn't fade.
Someone you can just LOVE being with, being near, and being close to on all levels (emotionally, mentally, physically).
Love that doesn't cause you to seek others for comfort.
Love that is real, strong, and honest.
It exists.
This just isn't that sort of thing. It's wrong to continue from here.
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my vulva area is quite dark than parts of my body.. how can i get rid of this darkness (link)
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While there may be some bleaching kits for the anal area, your vaginal area is simply what color it will naturally be. There is not a safe way to change this or even bleach it to a different color (especially since it's your natural skin-tone and not a "stain" from improper hygiene throughout the years).
It is mostly due to genetics and heritage. It is likely that the females in your family also have the darkening of the vaginal region. It is absolutely, completely normal.
Just like some women have large nipples or darker nipples, some women will have different shaped and colored genitalia.
There is nothing wrong or bad about this. It does not mean you're dirty, unclean, slutty, ugly, or anything you might have thought about. Many men actually prefer it so it isn't even anything to be self-conscious or ashamed about.
Everybody is unique and different. There are women with dark vulvas and women with bright pink vulvas. There are women with red hair and women with black hair. There are women with DD breasts and others with A cups. There are women with large nipples, pointy nipples, and even brown nipples--and some that don't have any of those things.
The color is something you will have to deal with and live with for the rest of your life. It isn't a big deal at all and doesn't have a deeper meaning. It's just what your natural pigmentation is. It may darken more or even lighten a little as you go through the natural aging process but you will always have a darker vulva than some women.
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i am a virgin point blank and i plan to stay that way for a long time. the other day some guy really wanted to have sex with me but i refused. he ended up managing to get all my clothes off but still nothing happened. i guess he was mad abd i was just uncomfortably laying next to him... he statred jerking off and his *** splattered everywhere. i remember it hitting my arm and thy but idk if it splattered on my...or where else. immediatdaly got up wiped it off. got dressed a and nd left... im a very paranoid person and need to know... do u think im pregnant??? (link)
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Sperm, cum, semen, jizz...whatever you want to call it...does NOT die when it hits air. It doesn't die 20 seconds after it hits air. It doesn't die 2 minutes after it hits air. I don't know why people continue to post myths like that so PLEASE do not listen to that nonsense.
I can prove it:
What's inside of your vagina right this very minute? Your natural fluids. Skin cells from your vaginal canal. And air. OMG! How can sperm survive?!
If you're thinking: Well, the inside of the vagina is warm. That must be the difference. Then how can you explain LIVE SPERM being found inside of a DEAD PERSON?
Sperm die when it hits air about the same time it takes for it to DRY UP and EVAPORATE.
It's highly unlikely that you are pregnant because the sperm did not get onto your vagina. If the only way ANY got on you in the first place was because a penis was beside you and a little bit splashed on your arm then it's likely none splashed between your legs.
Do I think you're pregnant? Probably not.
Virgin or not, sperm can travel into your vagina if it is put on the outer bits. NOT A MYTH. It's very true. They swim in fluid. If there is enough fluid on your skin then you can bet your money they're swimming on you. If there is enough fluid on your vagina entrance and it lands right there then you can bet your cash they're going to swim into the nice, warm comfort of your vagina. You don't need to have any sort of "insertion" of the penis into you to be at risk for a pregnancy if you participate in activities like this sort of thing. If it did happen to land just right onto your vaginal opening then you could very well become impregnated. In this case, you're probably fairly safe. Any sexual activity has risks though so I wouldn't go as far as to say you're 100% safe from being pregnant.
If your period misses for more than 1 week then purchase a home pregnancy test from the store and give it a try. A positive will mean you are definitely pregnant. No doubts about it.
If you want to stay a virgin then keep your freaking clothes on. Seriously. It doesn't make any sense whatsoever to take ANY part of your clothing off in front of a boy if you want to stay sexually pure. Keep the clothes on and you won't run into this scare again. Use your brain and you won't get into such sticky situations.
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I just want to know if its worth getting? And how much do they cost, and are they really painful, and is it too much to work with? Thanks for the answers! Much appreciated. (link)
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Very little pain while actually being pierced. For about a full week (some people experience two weeks of this...) afterward it can be swollen, throb, be painful, and you may even have difficulty eating solid foods. Of course, all of that goes away after a short amount of time.
I think I paid $15 for my piercing. It's been about 5 years though, I think.
Is it worth it? Well, if you like your teeth then it's not. There is not a way that you can have your tongue piercing without scraping off some of the enamel on your teeth and without actually breaking or cracking a tooth or two. Wearing a plastic ball instead of the metal ones can help you from cracking a tooth but the tooth enamel will still erode away from the friction of the balls or barbell against them. There is absolutely no way you can prevent this. Trust me on this one.
You may experience more cavities. You may even develop some tooth pain or discomfort after awhile. Your teeth will be more sensitive since the enamel will slowly be scraped away. It makes it more likely that you will not grow to be an elderly person with their real teeth.
In addition to all of the above, expect some spendy dental bills. A dentist can tell if you have had your tongue pierced before because of the damage that is created in such a short time of wearing a tongue ring (or barbell, as it may be).
That being said, it's your personal preference. Is $15, a piece of metal, two pieces of plastic, a swollen tongue for about a week...is that really worth losing your teeth down the road? Breaking some? Chipping the tops of them? Having more cavities?
That's up to you to decide though.
It can take weeks for it to heal. It's said that the tongue piercing never 100% fully heals because of it constantly being in motion, pulling and pushing against foods. You cannot, absolutely CANNOT, engage in oral sex during the first month of the healing process. Smoking during the healing process can tack on a few extra weeks of healing the tissue to where you can use your tongue properly again.
No, they won't numb your tongue for you.
No, do NOT use alcohol-based mouthwashes during the healing time. Brush your teeth after every time you eat for the first couple of weeks. Rinse your mouth out with water and saline (salt water) solution, making sure to swish it around the piercing well to release any stuck-in particles.
Yes, it can make your breath smell worse, even if you brush daily. It's just what it is.
If your piercer is not very good then they can hit one of the two main veins in your tongue. This can leave your tongue paralyzed or send you rushing to the ER so that they can clot the bleeding.
Do your research before deciding though. Read everything you can about it.
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In your opinion, is 13 years old too young to be fingered? If you really can't get any STDs then what's the harm? (link)
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Studies are now finding that HPV and both herpes strains can live deep under the fingernails of a person. If you engage in sexual contact with a partner who has not washed their hands thoroughly with warm soap and water and brushed out their nails with such cleansers then you are at a fairly high risk of contracting HPV or herpes onto the genitals (or wherever they touched--but, most vulnerably, the genitals and other mucus membranes such as your eyes, lips, etc.).
At 13, sex shouldn't be something you're worrying about. Being fingered can actually make you more accepting of going all the way or further to where you are risking your own health and possibly being at risk for pregnancy, depending on what exactly happens.
It is harmful. Mentally it can encourage you to go further when you're not prepared for the risks. Physically hands can carry diseases. Emotionally it can be difficult to overcome if the boy gets out of control, begins using you for sexual play an experimentation, or demands you to do something to him for the favor.
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when you get your discharge does it mean you are going to get your period (link)
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There are different discharges a woman experiences when she is of that age.
A "heavy" discharge may occur mid-cycle when an egg has been released. This means you're fertile and are at the peak of being able to get pregnant during your menstrual cycle. This will happen before you even have your first period because the egg will be released before you bleed. After this sort of discharge it should be about 14 days until you see blood.
Some women also have an increase in discharge right before their period comes. We're talking about the day or two before they see blood. This is caused by some various things.
If you're experiencing heavy discharge that smells like a normal, natural vagina and doesn't appear to have any odd colors (like white, yellow, or green) then it's perfectly normal. Approaching puberty you will see this sort of thing. A lot of women wear pantyliners so they don't moisten their panties doing daily things. There isn't any way to stop this, just as a note. It's just how nature wants it to be. The discharge is actual fertile mucus that is created so that your vagina stays naturally cleansed and you don't get infections and so that sperm will travel to your egg quickly if you have sex.
If you're experiencing the discharge then you will probably start your period fairly soon. It may be a few months though in some cases since the body has to prepare for these new changes and your hormones are trying to fluctuate into womanhood. Pick up some pads and pantyliners to keep around just in case. Carry a pad or two in your purse for when you're out and about since periods do seem to come at awkward moments.
Enjoy being young for now. :) After all, once your menstrual cycle begins you will have to deal with bloating and cramping every so many weeks for at least 30 years in most cases.
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I recently had anal sex & he came inside me , am i pregnant ? & Does You butt hole usally hurt after a while ? (link)
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Well, technically, you can get pregnant by engaging in anal sex. It can be a little tricky though.
If the semen (cum) slides down into your vagina opening then you can become impregnated very easily.
If your partner accidentally enters your vagina during the sex then he can push a little pre-ejaculatory (precum) fluid into you. This is also the case if the sexual play began with rubbing his genitals against yours or if it ends in that manner.
Cum is a very luquidy substance. It can slide around easily or drip into places you don't want it to go without you even realizing it at first.
Always
Always
ALWAYS
Use a condom.
Condoms aren't 100% effective on preventing pregnancy or STD/STI transmission but they still help lower the risks.
Be smart, be safe. If you don't want a baby then do everything you can so you don't wind up in a sticky situation. Have your partner wear condoms if you two are going to have some sexual play. Use hormonal birth control pills too. Set some rules on when you two engage in anal sex--like no entering the vagina at all after you've entered the anus or no entering ANYTHING without a condom on first.
It will hurt for awhile if your partner didn't use lubricant or things got a little rough. Pick up some lube from the store for the next time. Take things slower. The rubbing motions can severely irritate the lining of the anal opening and even cause some bleeding. Personally, I don't think it's worth the risk or possibly having to be rushed to the ER because things got a little rough in that extremely sensitive place. That's just me though.
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Does having sex in the anus make you not a virgin (link)
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Anal sex is sex.
While you may be a virgin to the whole penis-in-vagina thing, engaging is anal sex IS engaging in sex. Engaging in sex typically means the loss of virginity and sexual purity.
Otherwise, homosexual males would always be virgins. A homosexual male could have sex with 50 men and still claim virginity then. That doesn't quite make sense, does it?
The hymen is not a real symbol of virginity. The hymen is often broken doing simple tasks such as riding a bicycle. Would you say that a girl is no longer a virgin if she slips and falls on a bicycle incorrectly and finds that her hymen has torn and bled? She wouldn't be any more or less of a virgin because of that.
You can also contract a wide variety of SEXUALLY transmitted diseases by engaging in anal sex. STDs typically occur in non-virgins. How would you explain being a virgin when your doctor found a case of chlamydia in your anus? Your doctor would not consider you to be a virgin, free of STDs, or sexually "pure" if you were to come to him for a check-up and STD screening.
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My mom came to a school dance of mine that happened a few weeks ago. I was having fun on the dance floor and I do admit to grinding with a couple of guys and my best friend (who is a girl). My mom saw this though and was really mad at me when we left. It's like she can't stop talking about it and she keeps going on and on about it not being "acceptable" for school dances. She is considering talking to the principal about it and that is totally going to ruin my reputation and I KNOW I'm going to be made fun of because of my mom. EVERYBODY I know grinds. I am just wondering what other people think about grinding at school dances. (link)
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Personally, I don't think the grind dancing should be allowed at any elementary, middle, or high school. It's absolutely not necessary to have a good time or to dance. It actually isn't even a form of dancing unless you call dancing the art of seduction: then the art is kind of, well, not very artsy when it comes to grinding.
Grinding is, essentially, rubbing genitals onto each other. A lot of people have sex in positions where the man is positioned behind the female. It's a pretty common position.
Allowing the grinding can encourage sexual feelings in young people. They become more aroused and are more sexually open.
Your mother has some valid points. It can be frightening to watch your teen let another teen rub against her with his genitals. I'd even go as far to say you've probably felt an erection or two since you started grinding. Don't you think rubbing an erect penis on your bottom or bent-over private areas is a little too sexual for the average 15 year old?
Relax and talk with your mother about this. She can explain her feelings a lot better and you will have the opportunity to tell her that she is wrong in what she believes. I, personally, don't believe she is wrong but you, obviously, do. Take this as a chance to tell your mother about how things have changed since she went to school and that form of "dancing" is widely acceptable now. She's just not up on the times, probably, and is afraid her little girl will wind up in a scary situation with a strange boy because she let her junk be rubbed on by every tom, dick, and harry.
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Me and my boyfriend has been having sex for a while now, and I've never really thought about this until a friend of mine suggested that deep throat gagging could potentially damage my windpipe. I'm worried that I may develop a respiratory problems. (link)
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Well, the usual damage occurs if you are taking in a guy who is abnormally large. We're talking about a man who has been aesthetically altered for adult films or who is so well-endowed that it seems very unnatural.
The girth of the penis is what would be potentially harmful in stretching your esophagus so much that it would damage by rupturing with the repetitive rubbing motion inside. It's pretty darn rare for the average person so I wouldn't worry about that.
If you're too stressed out and not relaxed enough then you absolutely can bruise the back of your throat. Relaxation is a lot when deepthroating. A bruise will heal up and typically doesn't leave any scar tissue behind that would pose to be problematic.
I suppose getting rid of your gag reflex could cause you to be more prone to choking on large food items since you would not have the reflex to pop the item to the front of your mouth before the choking could occur. It isn't terribly dangerous though to not have a gag reflex as an adult. If you haven't experience it yet, the gag reflex eventually DOES go away with fairly frequent deepthroating. A gag reflex is normal and natural and isn't going to harm you any more than a sneeze or a cough.
If you are deep-throating a guy then I suppose you could inhale some of the ejaculatory fluids if his shaft did not go past that part (the entrance to your lungs) of your body. I think if you can deepthroat then you probably have a good grasp on not inhaling the semen if this is the case with your partner. Inhaling a little fluid is no big deal though. How many times have you gotten a little choked while sipping on a drink, right? In any case, you can wisely ask your partner to let you know when he's about to cum so that you're aware you will need to watch your breathing patterns for it.
Other than that, you would probably need to be a famous deep-throating pornstar to get into problems with swallowing large objects. The human body is meant to swallow food and can stretch quite a bit safely. I'd say deepthroating more frequently than once or twice a day might pose to be a little uncomfortable in the beginning but no serious or long-term damage would come of it.
The chances you're going to hurt your specific "windpipe" by deepthroating is probably pretty low.
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I've had two abortions previously and they have been very expensive $$$. I just found out that I'm pregnant again and I don't want the baby and so my first thought was to have another abortion right away. I called the clinic and they gave me the same estimate as the previous time and I really don't have that kind of money right now and don't know how I can come up with the money. Is there a way I can get a cheap abortion or something really low-cost? I just turned 18 a couple of weeks back so I don't think my parents insurance would cover it or anything either so that's kind of out of the question I think. I don't think I can ask my parents for money for the abortion this time because they already paid for the first one I had.
I'm up for any ideas you guys might have.
Thanxxx (link)
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I very much think you are serious.
I went to school with a girl who had something like 6 or 8 abortions before she turned 21. True fact.
The problem is that I suspect you think you're being responsible by having the abortions immediately after finding out that you're pregnant. For some reason, a lot of young people think that abortions mean acting responsibly. It is not.
Having an abortion is suppose to be like a last-resort. You used condoms, took birth control pills, chose your sexual partners wisely, and wind up getting pregnant and are in a terrible situation (no job, no home, no anything). I can understand those feelings of being lose, confused, and scared.
A lot of young people convince themselves that they are in bad situations though. They convince themselves that they tried their best to make the right choices regarding sexual activity. This is why we have lots of young people like yourself abusing abortions and morning-after pills (which, did you know you're not suppose to take more than 1 of those each year according to some studies? And some girls take lots and lots. Then again, for all I know, you've taken plenty of morning-after pills as well).
The truth is: Someone wants your baby.
Someone out there is infertile. Infertility is becoming a problem for many adults in the U.S. and worldwide. There is some person out there that would absolutely love to have the chance to adopt a newborn. Newborns have a HUGE chance of getting adopted because they're still very cute, fragile, and who can't say no to a giggling baby anyway, right?
Adoption is your answer.
Real responsibility is your answer.
Your being careless about your body or this wouldn't have happened so many times. I know lots of people have sex at a young age and maybe your other abortions happened when you were 13 or something. I know it can be pretty frightening to feel pressured by the media into having sex and then, later, having abortions. You have to make a change though. You have to have some self-respect. You absolutely must make better life decisions or you're not going to amount to much other than a woman who repeatedly caused the death of innocent beings.
So, I do have some references regarding abortion and how damaging it can be. Just like a user below said: you can DIE from an abortion. It can take the life of the being inside of you AND YOU. It's really as simple as that. Possibly dying is not better than giving a baby up for adoption.
Read through this link, watch the videos, and take the right steps to be a better you:
http://www.advicenators.com/talkaboutmetopic.php?t=1043&userboard_id=48957
There is no sense in taking another life because you've been making some bad choices and mistakes. It's OK to take more responsibility for yourself, give birth to this baby, and let it be with loving adults who will cherish every moment they have with him/her.
There is no cheap abortion. All abortions will rob you of your health, sanity, emotional development, and other very serious things. Give up on the abortions and go for adoption. It's free, safe, and you can make someone extremely happy.
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last year i was fail in my final college exams i didn't told to my parents about it i told them that i got back in some subjects. seriously iam very hard working but iam not getting the result of it. This year i was again fail in the exams and now there is no hope for me i can't tell my parents about this and now there nothing for which i can live so i don't want to live. I WANT TO DIE.... (link)
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College exams are not the end of the world.
Many people go on to become nearly famous and very important without ever stepping foot onto a college campus.
Speak with your guidance counselor at the school and see if you can get some extra tutoring help for little or no charge.
Make more time to study in a relaxed environment. If you drink or do drugs then step away from that right now and focus on growing as a person.
Explain to your parents that you have been struggling in college. Let them know the steps you are going to take to improve:
See the guidance counselor regularly.
Talk with professors about your scores, regularly.
Get a tutor for each subject.
Devote 2 hours each day to studying.
Stay in most weekends.
Set up a daily schedule. Each day, list 2 subjects you're going to study on for an hour each. One weekend each month you should devote to going out and doing something you like (shopping, movies, out to eat, bowling, skating, whatever is relaxing and enjoyable for you). Set things up clearly on a time schedule like:
...
Between 4 - 5 = Dinner
Between 5 - 6 = Study Math.
Between 6 - 7 = Study Psychology.
Between 7 - 8 = Relax, unwind at home
8 - bed.
Your parents will understand. Many young people struggle in college.
I also suggest you express your feelings for death to your parents. Let them know that you've been extremely stressed out but you didn't want to embarrass them so you've been working hard. Let them know you've been covering your feelings for awhile. You're to the point that you feel like you're failing at life.
Get help if you need to. See a therapist to help you relax about these problems.
Failing college is not the end of the world. I promise. It doesn't mean you're not hard-working or that you won't become a good person. It just means that the new learning environment might be too much for you to handle at this time.
Make some different arrangements and remember to not get too stressed out. It's only college. Many people you read about, learn about, or even see on TV never went to college and have become great things. Their families are proud of them anyway. They have/had good lives.
Hang in there and open up to some people. Things can change.
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I want to know if I should say something to a girlfriend that keeps throwing herself at ANY man hoping they will give her attention. Also she begs anyone for "freebie". I am a business woman and she will try to ask business service people and/or businesses to give her a free T shirt and if they say they can't she will start begging them. It's embassasing and plus she is all over them, starved for attention. I'm thinking of dumping her as a friend because she acts so needy and inappropriate that it's embassassing. We're both married in our mid-50's. She is my neighbor & when we leave for a weekend she comes over and feeds our dog which we pay her for. Also she has my 2 30'ish sons as Facebook friends and keeps contact with them alot. She is kind of obssessed with me and wants to be my best friend but I have other friends from my business woman circle and don't know how to distance my relationship with her without hurting her feelings. She calls me on the phone everyday and sometimes just shows up at my house, staying for hours until all my beer is gone and I say I have to leave for errands so she will have to leave.
(link)
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I'm much younger than you but have had these problems myself.
While saying something to her about her behavior might change things for the "now" it isn't going to change who she is. She will, eventually, go back to her normal routine if, indeed, she does actually listen to you. The likelihood that this sort of confrontation will not end up in a "fight" of sorts is not good though.
Personally, I would take steps to start pulling away from her. I wouldn't say, "I don't want to be your friend," but I would express the inability to make time for her in my life.
She comes over to stay for a few hours?
You respond, at the door, "I'm sorry. I'm really busy right now and I don't want to have company."
If she insists, then YOU insist that she cannot come inside. Stay firm and direct.
"I am busy. I do not have time to chat."
"I am doing important things right now and do not want guests."
"I am busy with some important things. Maybe we'll talk later or something when I have the time."
She calls you on the phone and you simply don't want to chat?
You respond, right away, "I'm sorry but I'm really busy right now and don't really want to chat let alone have the time. I'm sure we'll catch up another time."
"I am too busy to chat right now."
"I am in an important situation and don't have time to chit-chat with you. We'll talk again another time."
She will get the hint.
You're a grown woman. She's a grown woman.
Unfortunately, it sounds like she hasn't matured past age 15. If you confront her about this directly then she is probably going to make a scene. She will, most likely, stop being obsessed with you then--but she may begin to do childish things such has spread untrue rumors about you throughout the neighborhood.
Politely excuse her from your own life. Always be kind but direct in saying you do not have time for her in whatever context.
If you still want to remain distant friends with her then take a phone call from her every once in awhile or allow her to visit for a few hours once a week.
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I made the horrible mistake of having sex, the even worse mistake was we didn't use a condom. He told me he'd pull out, but didn't. He said it was just too hard to stop. Asshole, I know.
My last period started July 6th, and ended around the 12th-13th. I think the 12th. I have about a 24-26 day cycle. Would I be ovulating right now? I think I'm supposed to be today or within the next couple of days.
Also, I heard sperm lives inside of you ffor 3-5 days, and I think I'll be ovulating within that time but I'm not sure. Is it true that it lives inside of you for 3-5 days, and even if I wasn't ovulating today when it happened, if I am within those 3-5 days, could I get pregnant?
Basically, I'd really appreciate it if you could answer these questions for me:
1. Am I ovulating today or within the next few days?
2. Is it true it lives inside of me for 3-5 days?
3. If I start ovulating within that time, can I become pregnant?
4. Are the chances that I'm pregnant low or high?
I made such a stupid mistake, but there's nothing I can do now so please no rude comments.
And thank you so much to anyone who answers my question. (link)
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Ok here.
The average healthy woman ovulates on day 14 of her cycle.
The average cycle of a woman is 28 days.
You start counting you cycle from the very first day you begin bleeding. The last day of your period, essentially, means nothing.
Right now you would be on day 11.
I didn't use any website. I counted like normal people do. I counted "1" on July 6, "2" on July 7, and so on.
The typical lifespan of sperm within the female body is 3 to 5 days. Typical doesn't mean always. They have been found alive in women for a week and longer in some cases.
So, if you have sex on day 10, say, and the sperm live in you for 4 days (which would be about average) then you are very much at risk for becoming pregnant if your cycles are on track.
Now, it is very possible that you don't ovulate on day 14 though. We don't really know. You can easily find out by purchasing the ovulation kits from pharmacies for about 6 months to get an accurate date of when you typically ovulate. It is very costly though.
Take me, for example. I have a 26 - 28 day cycle. I ovulate on day 20 though of my cycle instead of the normal day 14. It isn't too common though, of course, but it's possible that you have an odd ovulation, too. Some women even ovulate while they're having a period. Some ovulate RIGHT after they end their period.
Typical and average doesn't mean all, you see.
Since your cycle is slightly shorter than the average woman's then you might ovulate a day or two sooner than the average woman. This is still not very good news for you, obviously.
I have read that to find your usual ovulation date it is usually half of your normal cycle--and since the average cycle length of a woman is 28 days and her predicted ovulation date is day 14--this makes very much sense.
Now, if that is true then you usually ovulate about day 12 or 13. You had sex on day 10. Sperm can live in you, on average, for up to 5 days.
With that being said, the logic of how the female body works is probably making you now say, "Holy crap..."
Your chances? High. Extremely high, in my personal opinion.
To say your odds are "good" that you're not pregnant is pretty silly now that you understand ovulation, cycle differences, and sperm lifespan.
You won't know if you're pregnant until your period misses probably. If it does, give it a week and then purchase a home pregnancy test from a store and take it. It should give an accurate read by that time.
A full ejaculation can contain as many as 100 million sperm at one time. It only takes one sperm to fertilize your one egg and make you pregnant.
By the way, he isn't an asshole if YOU didn't take precautions to protect YOUR own body ;)
Many times men will cum suddenly, without much warning. It's possible he didn't realize he was "there" until it was nearly too late. Men are extremely embarrassed over situations like this so it would be highly likely he wouldn't even admit that something like that occurred.
Next time, be more responsible for YOUR own body. Don't go around believing guys just because you want to do it ;)
Use your common sense next time. I'm not trying to make you feel bad at all but I want you to start using your head. Finding out if you were at high risk of pregnancy is was fairly simple since we have just gone over it. Nobody likes to have an unwanted pregnancy. Please, be more careful and respect your own body.
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you said it isn't as painful as the stuff women have to go through... I think that is a very ignorant statement as you do not know how painful it really is... It is impossible to compare that pain to a women's pain because I can't experience your pain and you can't experience mine.. Don't act like it doesn't hurt that much because it hurts like hell... (link)
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I'm sorry that you felt the need to send me an aggressive inbox. You must have misread my answer.
I said that getting hit in the balls is not the same as, say, having your period.
That doesn't mean it hurts any less.
Don't assume that because I said it isn't the "same" means that it is less of a problem or less painful. What is that old saying? Assuming makes an ass out of "u" and me.
If you take the time to read through my response to the original question you will see that I was very much defending the boy who was getting hurt in his testicles. I even said that I was ashamed at the women who were answering saying it was less painful than what they typically experience and that men deserve it. To top it off, I suggested he seek guidance from an adult since being hit many times in this region can cause severe long-term damage.
Please, reread my answer thoroughly next time before becoming defensive.
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washington state good place to raise a family?
im from nj but i live in florida now.
i love the rain & hate the heat.
Looking for a place to live for the rest of my life. (link)
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Hi there!
For many states, it really depends on the area. You're always going to find really, really good areas and really, really bad areas of the area. Some schools will have higher standards and smarter students than others. Some neighborhoods will have high crime rates while others haven't had a crime occur in years.
It's great that you are taking into consideration many of these components to living a good, healthy, and safe life. Unfortunately, there may not be many Advicenator users that currently live in Washington.
Personally, I cannot offer you many answers to your question. I do know a place you can ask these questions and get answers, especially if you have a specific area in mind:
http://www.city-data.com/forum/washington/
You can also Google search phrases like "washington state forum" and get quite a few decent results. I cannot say any of those community forums would be more or less reliable than city-data though.
As for weather, find out a few zip codes of places you are interested in living in Washington. Track them through a few weather sites like:
http://www.weather.com/
and
http://www.wunderground.com/
That way you can see how high the humidity is, how the heat/cold is during all seasons, and what the overall typical weather is in those areas year-round.
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theres a commercial that shows smoking is bad for your eyesight, if anyone can find it on a web page or on youtube could you give me the address? i want to show my mom because she doesnt believe me and shes a daily smoker whose going blinder everyday =/ (link)
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Hi!
This is wonderful that you want to help your mother to understand the effects cigarette smoking has on the entire body.
I found this anti-smoking commercial on YouTube that relates to eyesight and eye health being affected negatively by tobacco usage:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqWBWhH7er8
You can Google things like "eyesight smoking" and see a load of helpful reports by medical doctors on how smoking can cause blindness and damage the sensitive eye tissues. Remember that helping to properly inform your mother could end up saving her life, but, in the end, it's her final decision to make. You can only so much and must absolutely understand that this is an addiction that she will have to break over a course of time.
Here are some great videos and resources that can help her to understand how cigarettes may affect her:
http://www.videojug.com/expertanswer/keeping-eyes-healthy/will-smoking-affect-my-vision
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YjrkBYDDQM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yIURbmJZxIg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36WAlW4EQic
http://topnews.us/content/29489-quit-smoking-save-your-eyesight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6_gGKdkQiE
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/94368.php
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3533463.stm
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/3893812/smoking_effects/
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I am making my partner push things right through my navel,as it really turns me on,now i find myself turned on by the site of other womens navels,and want to push into theirs.Iam not gay though. (link)
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This is considered "belly button torture" by fetishists.
Looking at the same gender and finding something about them attractive does not make you homosexual. There is nothing wrong with that. Don't even worry about it or give it a second thought. You're fine.
The belly button fetish is apparently more common than I thought. There is nothing wrong with having a fetish as long as it is legal and moral. The belly button fetish doesn't sound like it would be hurtful so relax and enjoy being a little different from time to time. Try not to obsess over the fetish though. Make sure to always use clean, clean, clean instruments if you decide to engage in these activities.
A lot of people refer to this as a BB fetish. It's very common to want to stick things into the bellybutton then or even to suck it outward from the body. Some people even pull their outties out more for pleasure.
It is a very sensitive area with lots of nerve-endings. This video sort-of helps to explain:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMDaG54TqZs
Remember, everyone is different and that isn't necessarily a bad thing.
For more people like you, you may want to Google phrases like "Navel fetishism" or "umbiliphilia" along with the belly button fetish. YouTube has a LOAD of bellybutton fetish videos you can check out for free, too.
I am sure you could watch other women pushing objects into their belly buttons very easily with a few Google searches. You may also be able to find a friend nearby that would be willing to participate in such activities (though I do not recommend this for various reasons). Sometimes it's better to look but not touch anyway though, right? :)
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My mom is a single parent and I'm an only child. She broke her wrist and she's been on disability since January. I just found out that we have to go on welfare and that we might lose our apartment.
I really need to find a job to help support me and my mom.
Please suggest anything for me to do. I'm desperate at this point... (link)
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For legal reasons, many places will not even consider hiring you. Most laws have been put into place to help prevent illegal child labor. It is extremely hard to find a "real" job at your age.
That being said, you might have to consider some other options in the meantime. Just because a company won't hire you doesn't mean your community doesn't need some of your assistance that you can offer.
I highly suggest creating some flyers and posting them around your neighborhood. You can leave your phone number on the fliers so that prospective customers can call and inquire further about whatever service(s) you choose to offer. Many people might even consider hiring you for odd jobs around the house when you explain that your mother has been out of work recently due to an injury and you're just trying to help out.
Try:
Mowing grass / gardening assistance / various yard work
Babysitting
Cleaning homes or apartments
Sitting with the elderly
Selling homemade goodies (candies, brownies, cakes, pies, etc.)
Washing / waxing cars and other automobiles
Helping with painting projects
Delivery boy/girl (offer to deliver fliers, papers, documents, notes, etc.) quickly
Pet sitting / dog walking
Tutoring (ONLY if you're really good in a particular school subject)
Grocery shopping (if you have frequent access to a supermarket/grocery store many, many elderly folks will take you up on this if you have a reasonable fee)
Having a yard sale
Make sure to talk to your mom about these sorts of jobs before even placing ads around the neighborhood. She needs to know what ideas you have. She may even be able to offer more suggestions to talk to her friends about getting you some beginners work. Most folks will also, of course, want you to have your mother's permission before doing any work for them.
As a note, these are WONDERFUL ways to build up some references for when you're old enough to be hired by an actual company.
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what are the pros and cons of birth control? (link)
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There are many types of birth control. Condoms can actually be referred to as a form of birth control, too. I will assume that you are talking about hormonal birth control like the pill, shot, or patch.
Pros:
= About 92% effective on preventing pregnancy with typical usage (99% in laboratory settings)
= Only 1 pill to take a day
= Regulates the menstrual cycle (easier to keep track of your period)
= Can possibly reduce cramps
= Can reduce the size of ovarian cysts
= Can help reduce PMS symptoms in some women
= Can help clear up acne
= Possible increase in breast size
Cons:
= Non-serious side-effects possibility (breast tenderness, nausea, vomiting, headaches, bloating, mood swings, spotting or break-through bleeding mid-cycle)
= Serious side-effects possibility (increased risk of stroke, blood clots and heart attacks)
= Increased risk of breast cancer (and a few other forms of cancer)
= Raises cholesterol and, in some cases, blood pressure
= No protection against STDs
= Must take it every single day, preferably at the same time
= Could possibly cause liver, kidney or adrenal dysfunction over time.
= Essential vitamins B6, B12, C and Folic Acid not easily absorbed by the body while taking the pill
= Possible weight-gain
= Encourages sexual activity
= Prescription required; expensive to obtain for many young women
= Not instantly effective as a form of birth control
= Possible increase in breast size
There may also be a problem with taking these artificial hormones early in life and altering one's natural hormonal production and function. I used birth control pills since I was about 13 up until I was about 22. I now experience some not-so-great problems that may be associated with taking birth control pills early in life and for an extended period of time.
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