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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
I'm getting married next month. (I'm the groom.) I'm extremely excited, but I'm hoping for some outside opinions on a few things.
I love my fiancee very, very much. And I know that the feeling is mutual. Like any normal couple, we have our differences. Some of them irk us slightly, but not enough for it to effect the relationship. However, on rare occasions, we differ enough to cause debate. This is where I need advice.
I'm used to a level playing field where debates are concerned, so I try and only reply with things that are logical. Things that make sense to me. I then usually expect something similar in return. Like an acknowledgment or rejection of my reasoning, followed by the reasoning behind that acknowledgment or rejection, and something to counter it. My wife-to-be doesn't argue this way. Her replies usually consist of "No." or "Absolutely not." or "I don't care." or "If you love me you'll do this."
Occasionally, she'll use her mother to settle it. She'll say "We'll see what my Mom has to say about it.", then she'll call her Mom. If her Mom agrees with her, she takes it as the final end-all word. If her Mom agrees with me, she gets frustrated, and she doesn't ask her Mom to settle things for a while.
Sometimes, I just take the fall. I figure that she is unshakable on the topic, and I choose her over what it is I'm fighting for. For example, I'm no longer a casual beer drinker. In fact, I will not bring alcoholic beverages within 3 feet of my mouth, at all. And I used to really enjoy the occasional Guinness. This is a sacrifice I was willing to take for her.
Another one was with the movie 300. She said that she didn't want that movie in the house, at all. I argued it, and used my pc games as an example, and she said that she didn't want some of those in the house either. In the end, I got rid of some of my games. Oddly, afterward we were watching a movie she owned, and she commented that it was bloodier than 300. Because of this, she has decided that I can have 300 after all.
This was an interesting development. What I observed, was that she realized that her movie was bloody too, so I could have a movie she banned after all. I tried to bring this into later arguments, pointing out things she had or did that were similar. Her reply is usually "Don't bring ME into this."
She tends to be passive aggressive when I'm playing or watching something she doesn't like. I was playing the Bioshock demo on my computer. Previously, she had been in a rather good mood, but afterward, I got looks and the silent treatment. When I asked what was wrong, she denied that anything was wrong, and went back to her bad mood. Clueless, I went back to the game, and this REALLY upset her. I haven't loaded the demo since.
So the latest one confuses me. I would like an Xbox 360. She has refused to allow me to purchase one. We can't afford one right now, but I asked her that in the future, when we have a surplus of cash and I suggest we get one if she will allow it. She declined. Her argument is that we don't need one, and that there aren't any good games for it. I countered with role reversal (Well you don't need a PSP, but you want one anyway. I'm not denying you that.), and a list of games that are actually very good, including some she would probably like. (She's something of a gamer too. Casual. Lot's of Mario.) Still, she refuses to agree to purchasing one later, when the means are there to do so.
That argument isn't what I'm seeking advice on per say (Though it might help.) I'm marrying this woman, and I know that her argument methods won't change. How can I argue with her? Or, better yet, how can I not argue with her and still manage to keep my dignity. (IE: not taking a dive every time we disagree.)
Thanks.
The Answer
Ouch. You NEED pre-martial counseling. Desperately.
You are right to think that her argument style will not change, unless she is confronted with the necessity of changing it and in five years, the survival of your marriage could absolutely depend on the two of you being able to fight respectfully and fairly.
Right now you aren't fighting fair. As far as I can guess she is merely fighting for to be 'right' without any eye to actual resolution, and your tactics are dissolving to character assassination and hypothetical situations. (Perfect reason, or rational does not a fair fight make hun, it's very unlikely that you are totally innocent in this communication breakdown) Neither of your styles are effective, or respectful.
Please get counseling, together. You need a disinterested third party's input, not on the arguments themselves, but on your methods, and her mother clearly doesn't cut it.
In mean time, there is a great book called The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner. It's about women's difficulty expressing anger and fighting, and the destructive tactics they sometimes fall into. It's written for women, but even if you can't get your wife to be to read it, you should. It might help you learn how to express to her that her communication style is unhelpful. You might see yourself in some of the common problems too.
But please, PLEASE, get some counseling. If only to have them establish and teach you to use a few basic ground rules of arguing like: NO calling Mom. No bringing up past mistakes. Never say never or always. Use 'I' statements, not 'you' statements... and so on.
Don't let this continue. In five to ten years not knowing how to resolve conflicts effectively could destroy the marriage. This is a bigger problem then you realize.
Best of luck.
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The Question
So I love getting hickeys, and my boyfriend loves to give them to me on my boobs. However, I've heard that they can cause blood clots which cause cancer?
Is that true? Is there any harm to getting too many hickeys?
The Answer
Hickeys do not cause cancer, period. Some European doctors presented a theory that they could in 2000 or so I think, but it's been thoroughly debunked.
As long as you don't have any problems with thin blood or abnormal clotting or bruising, a hickey can't harm you at all.
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The Question
i don't know if this is in the right category but here it goes. lately i've noticed i have all the symptoms of a urine infection and i'm worried it's because i've been sexually active. normally i'd just tell my mom and go to the doctor but if my mom were to find out i'm having sex i'd probably be disowned. is there any way a doctor can find out that i have been having sex? or is there anything i can do to try to get rid of the infection without getting my mom involved, like any items from CVS or anything? thanks in advance!
The Answer
As you've already been told, go to the doctor immediately. UTIs only get worse and more painful. They can make you dehydrated and spread to your kidneys and cause infections serious enough to warrant hospitalization and surgery. I don't want to freak you out, but if you leave a UTI too long, that is what can happen.
UTI's are bacterial infections, so you must get an antibiotic. It must be the right Anti-biotic and a doctor will need to test your urine to deduce which one is best for you. There is no over the counter cure.
Your mother does not need to know that you are sexually active. It's true, sexually active women are more likely to get UTI's, but they can happen randomly to virgins too. She might suspect something, but you don't need to tell her. Tell your doctor the truth though, ALWAYS tell the doctor the truth. Legally, they can't tell your parent unless you tell them you were raped (even then they can't tell you parent, they have to report it to the police.)
It's worth your mom being suspicious. I promise you that. I let the first UTI I had fester for weeks. It was not a pretty thing by the end. I ended up in the emergency room and in a lot of pain.
Once more: There is nothing you can do yourself. Keep drinking lots and urinating often, that will help reduce the pain, but you MUST see a doctor for a cure.
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The Question
if you have sex like a lot in a 3 months.. and then just stop can your period cycle change because im almost 2 weeks late and i havent gotten it yet and i did have unprotected sex but i dont think im pregnant.
The Answer
You had unprotected sex, and you are late. Why don't you think you are pregnant exactly?
Buy a test and be sure.
Stress or diet changes can effect it, but two weeks is quite late, especially if you are normally regular. It's high time you buy a pregnancy test.
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The Question
15/f
so right now. im dating this boy matt, and hes a football player and hes like a quarterback and hes really popular, and hot and what every girl wants.
however. i dont. i mean i like him, but i kinda got a crush on this emoish boy, name max. hes soo cute. and he seems so nice.
i guess im just sick of dating jocks, who just want to show me off in the halls like im some prize or something. like my boyfriend doesnt even like listen to what i say sometimes. its so annoying.
what should i do
The Answer
If you don't want to be with someone, don't be.
But, if you think that someone should always, always listen to you and never, ever tune you out, be distracted or busy, I hate to tell you but that will never happen. Do you really pay attention to every word that comes out of his mouth?
You don't need to wait until you have found someone new to end a relationship that isn't working for you. If it isn't working with Matt, end it.
If you don't want him, fine, let him go.
Deal with Max with you are single and free to deal with Max.
Also, for goodness sake don't referee to people or generalize them by their high school labels, "Emo" "Jock" or "Nerd". I know you've heard it before but it is still true, these words are only memories by the time you turn 20. It's very hard to advise someone on relationships, when the use terms that make me think they are too immature to be in one.
People are just people. The only labels that makes sense are personality traits, like "nice" or "not so nice".
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The Question
I'm sorry if this is kinda long.
I've been going out with my bf for about 6/7 months now, and he was a virgin before and I wasn't. About two months into it we had sex, mainly initiated by me, and it's like he can't get enough of it! I just basically played up to it at first. About a month ago we had just had sex and I told him I loved him because I did. He went quiet for like a few minutes and then he said that he would wait until he truly meant it to say it to me, blah blah blah. This hurt me but as he was only being mature I just accepted it. Ever since then he never gives me any compliments that isn't to do with me being sexy or being good at something sexual etc, he although he does hang out with me if sex isn't involved I clearly get the vibe that he's not having much fun and if there is ever a possibility for something like that we WILL do it. I'm beginning to feel like I'm being used. The thing is, I do genuinely love him, and I'm wondering if I'm just being oversensitive cos he didn't tell me he loved me - he's got a reputation as being this really nice and decent guy, and it's not like he pressured me into sex to start with! It would really upset me if I had to split up with him! There's this other guy I've been chatting to a lot recently who's really nice to me and I think he likes me for the right reasons as well - I would NEVER cheat on my bf but it's opening up my eyes to what's out there. As you see I need some help :( Thank you! .xoxo
The Answer
Before ya go giving this new guy a halo and a pair of wings remember that you never really know what a person is like in a relationship until you are in one with them, and have been for a while.
Secondly. Talk to your boyfriend already! Seriously.
Talk out your feelings and see if he'll here them out. A lot of relationships, even adult relationships, go through a similar stage right after becoming sexual active. Give him the heads up that you are feeling a bit unappreciated and would like a bit more attention and affection of the non-sexual variety. Because you are so sexual and go to go yourself, he might just need a reminder that not all your needs lie in that department.
Give your boyfriend a fair chance and tell him where you stand and what you would like to see. Don't attack him, just explain yourself calmly. Then listen while he explains himself too. Hear him out. Some guys will surprise you with their depth and understanding.
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The Question
So I'm not sure if this will make sense or whatever but okay.. So I currently have a boyfriend whom I've been with almost 5 months.He's amazing and I'm not planning on breaking up with him anytime soon.I dated a couple guys who I believe I still have feelings for.Is that bad or acceptable if I don't intend on having a (relationship) with.I don't talk to my ex at all anymore.He's in college, doing his thing.I think that's the best because It's been very hard trying to get over him, But anyways.. my ex ex , he's a senior I believe or junior.. I don't know anymore.. I dated him end of freshmen year.Which I'm currently a junior.So that was quite a bit of time ago.I just realized I have "lil" feelings for him basically because everytime I bump into him in the hallways.. i get this weird feelings,But he's a friend.He gives me a hug and messes with me and what not. I don't have any intentions of flirting with him or go any further.I just don't know what to do with those feelings.Just let it go.Even if it's been forever.I just hope if he goes to Homecoming and I go as well, with my boyfriend.. that it isn't awkward and boyfriend be concerned.Anyone have any suggestions?
The Answer
First off, in most states and countries, you are in the clear at 16. You should check the laws of your state, but at 16 you can likely have sexual contact with anyone you choose.
Alright, back to the actual question...
It is my opinion that we carry some sort of feelings for every person who touches are lives in significant ways. It can't really be helped. I still have feelings from my very first relationship (which happened about 8 years ago) and were she to met someone I'm currently dating, it would still be a bit awkward, although warm and friendly too.
That is just life. You can't close the heart completely to one who touched it once. You shouldn't try.
The only real questions you need to ask yourself are: "Are these feelings interfering with my current relationship?" and "Are these feelings harming me somehow?"
If your baggage isn't damaging or limiting your current relationship, and your feelings are not causing your extreme pain or making you depressed or obsessive, I would say they are completely normal and fine.
You have chosen the person you want to be with. You are devoted to him right? Everyone has feelings or crushes on people outside their relationship from time to time. That doesn't make the relationship weaker, in fact it makes it strong. You are a stronger mate when you look at others and go "Yeah, there was/is something there, but my boyfriend is one I really want to be with."
Don't worry so much.
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The Question
Hey, Razhie, you answered one of my questions and I had a question about your answer:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=512705&sid=3adf4557da297043b15bcc2dc01d2d0b
What do you mean, "offer him a way to gracefully bow out if he wants to"? How does one do that? How would YOU phrase it?
The Answer
I mean offering him a way to not go to the play if he rather not, and know that he wouldn't be letting you all down.
I hope you have double-checked that the other adult is acceptable to your mom ;)
But this is what I would say:
"Hey Mr _____. I actually ended up finding another adult who could go with us to supervise. Of course I'd still love it if you want to come, I just thought I would tell you because I thought you might be a bit uncomfortable about it, that you wouldn't be letting us down if you didn't want to hang out with a bunch of kids."
I want to add, that I wouldn't even have suggested this if you hadn't mentioned in his question that he might be feeling a bit insecure about it. If you don't think he has any reservations or doubts about comming to the play, then I think you are stuck with him. You can't really 'univite', you can only give him a way out of event, if he didn't really want to do it in the first place.
If you think, or he tells you, that he is really excited, then all you can be is really excited to have him join!
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The Question
My boyfriend was hanging out with this girl named Natalie. Natalie told me that he got a boner while they were together. Does that mean he is turned on by her and not by me. I don't know what to think.
help.
The Answer
He's a teenage male hun, he probably gets turned on by warm bread and the idea of a fast car, maybe even while watching the Discovery channel. He probably even gets turned on a bit by women he hates.
It has nothing to do with you. Spontaneous (that means, happened for no reason) errections are a part of life for all male mamamals. You can ask him about it if you'd like (it is a little wierd that she noticed eh? He should try to be discret about such things), but you have real reason to be worried or offended. He can't control it.
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The Question
i know i should have a condom whenever i have sex to prevent STD's and other things, but is it okay to have sex in the shower?
The Answer
Having sex is the shower isn't a problem per-say, but as you've already heard, it does make it easier for the condom to slip off or break, it's also, in my opinion, not too comfy for the girl (water does not make good lube, and can wash away the good lube too) and a little bit unsafe (what with the falling over).
So go ahead, at your own risk.
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The Question
we're not sexual active together..we're just hanging out getting to know each other. and we're 3 years apart...someone said 4 year is an acception idk?
The Answer
If you are above twelve years old but under sixteen, you may have sexual activity (that includes any sort of sexual touching, fingering, whatever) with someone NO MORE THEN FOUR YEARS OLDER then you and it won't be considered statutory rape.
If they are more then four years older then you, and you are below sixteen, it is rape.
You are allowed, by law, to date whomever you like. You're parents might have something else to say about it, but the law doesn't care that you are 'getting to know' an eighteen year old.
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The Question
14/f I just got done doing a musical at a local teens summer theatre program and I got pretty close with my fellow cast members. I recently organized a group of kids from the show to take a subway out to the big city to go see a play together. Three people replied and said they wanted to go. Those three people are freshman, like me. However, my mom said needed an adult to supervise us once we get to the big city...meaning, to go see the play with us and walk us back and forth to the subway station. My director lives in the big city and he's the one who suggested the idea in the first place, so naturally I invited him to come along instead of a parent.
I was still a bit iffy about inviting the director, it might seem kind of awkward to have him in with a group of friends and people might think it spoils the fun. However, we still need an adult to come with us anyways, so it might as well be someone that everyone knows, right.......?
Anyhow, after I made my arrangements with the director, another girl in the cast emailed me and said she could come. I just discovered that she just became legally an adult, and we don't need the director to come because she's already technically an adult. However, I'm not really sure what I should do about the director. I'm sure the other kids would rather not have a much-older person around, yet I'm worried it would be rude to un-invite my director, especially because I know he had big insecurities about whether the cast liked him or not. What would you guys do?
The Answer
Just because your friend is *legally* an adult, doesn't mean your mom will be satasfied with that qualification. Before you even consider speaking to the director, you should ask your mom if your 'adult' friend is an acceptable adult to her.
Being eighteen, or twenty-one for that matter, only makes you an adult in the eyes of the law, take it from a twenty-something, you are still a kid in a lot of ways at twenty-one.
If she is acceptable to your mother, then you could at least tell the director that another adult as appeared on the scene, so if he was insecure or uncomfortable about comming, he could back out if he wanted too. Don't uninvite him, just offer him a way to gracefully bow out IF HE WANTS TOO. If he is excited and wants to go, then just be happy to have one more excited play-goer in your group!
You could also suggest to your director he could bring a geust or another adult with him, so he has someone adult to speak too.
Just becareful and make it clear you happy to have him and only want him to have a happy and comfortable evening too.
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The Question
of one of my best friends is thinking about commiting suicide i love her so much as a sister and i never want her to do anything like that can you please give me advice on how to stop her i dont want to put her therough counseling it will only make it worse
The Answer
If counseling only makes things worse, I would be dead. I would have died at 16, after my third attempt on my life, and the first time I ever saw a thereapist.
Counseling is really rough at first. It's true, you often do feel worse before you feel better, but counseling saves lives. Therapy saved mine.
You need to tell her parents, or if they are useless, another trusted adult. You can't save her. Oh yes, you can help! You can be supportive and loving and wonderful, but you can't cure her and she can't cure herself. She needs help that is beyond you.
You've been given good hotlines too call and you can call them yourself as well and ask for thier opinions too! They can probably give you some really solid advice.
They will also probably tell you to tell an adult, because that is the first step for a teen to get help. That is the first step for anyone really.
Better you get her help, and she resents you for it then she dies, and you resent yourself.
Nothing you can do will make her all better. You can be there for her, you can listen and love her, but if only took love and listening, very few people would commit sucide. It takes more. It takes an expert. The best thing you can do for her is support her in finding expert help.
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The Question
i live in north carolina. and im kind of confused about age difference laws in relationships.
im just going to give a little background on what I think
my friend is 15 and dates an 18 year old guy...ever since they started dating her parents have not liked him. they told her not to see him, and secretly she still has. and they've caught them together atleast 3 times. and once they were even in the middle of having sex. the cops were called and everything. they couldn't arrest him because he wasn't four years older then her, and it wasn't rape because the age difference was only three years.
well i like a guy who is 18 and i'm just confused about age difference laws and stuff, doesn't it have to be 4 years to be like..against the law?
THNX!
The Answer
Sixteen is the age of consent in N Carolina. Having sex with someone below that age if you are over 18 is illegal.
HOWEVER, like in most states, there is a four year exception, and they will not charge someone unless they are more then four years older then the partner who is underage (as long as the partner is over the age of 12, younger then 12 and you only have a two year exception). So, if your friend's boyfriend had been 19 or older, he would have been charged, but because he was only three years older then her, he was in the clear.
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The Question
I was wondering what you could do or use to hide your tampons in school, like how to discreetly take them from class to class just in case. Because I live in fear of what will happen if I don't... :S
Any ideas?
The Answer
The problem really here is that you are living in fear! Remember, most of the girls in the room have the same problem.
It's normal. The people who tease someone for carrying a tampon are dumb as posts and should be given about the same amount of respect.
Carry an extra pencil case, or a really small fabric pencil case you can put in the bottom of your normal case or bag. Always worked well for me.
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The Question
I am an attractive guy (35) and she's an attractive lady (28) but I'm forced to initiate sex 9 of 10 encounters and when she attempts to initiate lately I don't take her seriously to the point where I'll brush her off saying, "you're joking, right", then go about my business. She likes sex early in the evening whereas I like late nite romps, I enjoy sex to music, she likes to play the television while I try to sleep, she insists that I go places with her when I'm tired from working 2 jobs about 4 days per week while she works one job maybe one time per week, etc. We're polar opposites in many ways but my main question has to do with how I can explain to her that even as a guy I would like to be treated as an attractive man and have her initiate on an equitable basis.
The Answer
The first way you could encourage her to initiate would be to not blow her off. DUH!
I've been in her position, with a guy who normally initiated, complained that I didn't, and then every time I did informed me that he didn't believe me, wasn't interested, or I was doing it wrong.
Do you have ANY idea how much that kind of rejection hurts? How bitter and resentful a person becomes when the feel they are receiving mixed messages?
Each time you blow her off as joking you are making it even less likely she will every initiate again. Oh, and if she is only allowed to initiate late at night, with some music on, you better tell her that she might just keep on (*gasp*) initiating sex when she is interested in it.
And for goodness sake get over yourself. Seriously.
Of this 154 word question, you devoted only 36 words to your actual problem. The rest of it was simply a meaningless laundry list of her faults!
Frankly, after reading this question I wouldn’t want to fuck you. I’d be afraid to approach you! This question does not paint a picture of a genuine nice guy who is frustrated (which I hope you are) but sounds more like a hyper-critical and uncompromising jerk (which I hope you aren’t.)
You have fallen into a sexual funk. Sometimes when something gets comfortable and safe, it’s hard to break the routine. It’s scary to do something out of the normal, especially if you are telling her she has to do this un-normal thing all by herself AND she has to be willing to do it over and over again even in the face of your rejection.
Talk to her about her desires, and about yours. Talk about different ways sex could be initiated. Watch porn, read stories, share experiences. Hold her damn hand through it if that is what it takes. Write down a step by step plan to get her started.
Your request that she initiate sex, and your desire to feel attractive and wanted it entirely fair and justified! You should be able to feel that way in your relationship! But the way you are going about it is ALL wrong. You can’t just say “Initiate sex!” to a girl and expect her too anymore then you can throw an infant into a pool and say “Swim!” Changing sexual patterns and her comfort zone will take work and support from you as well.
Oh, and buy her a pair of headphones she can wear as she watches TV. And have a coffee once or twice a month so you can hang out with her.
Relationships take work, from both parties. Do your fair share. If you don’t want to do the work, or feel you’ve done all you can, end the relationship.
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The Question
My boyfriend for 5 months broke up with me because of another girl. It hurts me a lot.. I really love him and i gave him everything. It's only 2 weeks since we broke up and he is now with that girl. He told me that he loves her already and that there's no chance that we'll get back together.. What is he talking about? Is it that easy to forget the memories we had? Is it that easy to forget someone you loved? Two weeks ago he just told me that he loves me a lot and that i'm the only one for him.. And now, he's inlove with another girl.. He just met that girl in disco and they've already slept together.. His family is doing everything for us to get back together. They told me that they don't like his gf and that i'm the one they want for their son. His brothers are telling me that he still loves me, they said that he's just confused. But i don't feel his love anymore. He doesn't call me anymore. He said that he's not calling because his gf is jealous. He's so mean. His family told me to never give up because they are sure that we'll still get back together. I still love him and i'm still hoping that he'll go back to me.. What should i do now???
The Answer
Respectfully ignore his family's good intentioned meddling and stop listening to their opinions.
He wasn't 'confused'. He was cruel, simple minded, foolish and stupid. Cry it out and try to move on with your life, just like any other dumped girl would.
Don't let his family insist that you keep holding on for their no-good son. Of course they want you to be with him! He is their family and they want what is best for him, not necessarily what is best for you! A relationship takes way more then just supportive family though, it takes a commitment and sense of self this guy is clearly lacking.
His family might be good enough for you, but he isn't. Seriously, dumping you and falling 'in love' with someone else with in a week is not a forgivable offense or a bump in the road that you two can just work pass. It’s not like he slipped up and made a mistake. What he did is a deal breaker. There is no going back to happiness with this guy. He showed a lack of emotional maturity that makes any mature relationship with that boy impossible.
Don't torture yourself, don't let him torture you, and don't let his family prolong you pain. Stop speaking to them all for a while. Take the time alone that you need to get him out of your mind and heart.
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The Question
13/f
I was 11 when I dated my first guy. Well, he kinda left a bruise on my arm. The second guy, ugh, he hated my friends. Third guy, broke up with me after three days. I still don't understand why, either! Well, now I think guys have no feelings because they act like total assholes whenever I meet one. Well, my friend told me to be nice to a friend of hers, who is obviously a guy. Well... It turned out that he started acting rude. I kinda... Kicked him... Well... You get it! Look, could somebody just explain to me why guys are assholes and if they really have feelings? And, if any guys are reading this... Sorry, if this insulted you in anyway. X/_\X
THANK YOU!
The Answer
Not all guys are assholes, but then if you are half-way intelligent you already knew that.
All guys have feelings. Period.
Mind you, most 13 year old guys I've met are not in touch enough with those feelings to manage anything like a healthy romantic relationship, so I'm not surprised you've end up hurt. They haven't learned better yet.
Frankly, neither have you. You kicked a guy for being rude? Do you realize how immature and self-absorbed this question sounds to other people? And you started dating at 11… I'll never get what is attractive about 11 year olds! Even to each other. 11 year olds are immature and self obsessed! They are supposed to be! It’s part of brain development.
My point is this: You were no more ready to be dating then those boys were, so of course it went down in flames! It would be like asking a five year old to drive a car; you know nothing good is gonna come of it!
Let yourself grow up a bit and for goodness sake let the guys around do the same. Give other people permission to make mistakes and learn. You are a teen! I promise you that you need the forgiveness and understanding of your peers just as badly as they need yours.
Until you genuinely, in your heart, believe that guys have feelings too, don’t date. You aren’t ready to be with another person until you can recognize them as a person. People have feelings.
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The Question
14/m my girlfriend and i talk about sex and stuff all the time about what we would do to eachother etc. and it kinda seems like she is so open with me and i have only known her for about a week or two and am having thoughts that she will tell this stuff to anyone and that she is some sort of a whore or something. What is your opinion?
The Answer
My opinion would be that it would be far nicer, more gentlemanly, and plain decent of you to express your feelings of her moving to fast to her, and not to jump the conclusion she's 'some sort of whore'.
If you don't feel she's moving to fast, and you enjoy the attentions... then you are either a guy with a confident and sexual girl on your hands, or a guy who is attracted to 'some sort of whore'. Which kind of guy would you rather be?
How about being a little less 'open' with her and a bit more honest? Oh, and not jumping to the conclusion that any girl with a sex drive is a 'whore'. That is so last decade.
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The Question
Okay so you know the white parts of your eyes? Well, mine are grey. They have always been super white until this past year, so I' pretty sure it wasn't smog in the city or something (because there isn't any either)
The only things I can think of is maybe because of my contacts (I stopped wearing them in october because they made my eyes dry and irritated & the eye doctor told me to stop because of an ulcer) or my eyeliner. I asked my eye doctor about this but he said that it just happens. Things don't 'just happen'...
So, what do you think it is? & what can I take or do to make them white again?
The Answer
Babe, things do 'just happen' sometimes. If your eye doctor is unconcerned, there is no reason for you to fret.
If you have glasses you must know that your eyes are changing constantly, for no real reason. Your prescription changes, your iris colour changes, the iris shape changes... That is just the way eyes go.
Grey colouring to the whites of your eyes isn’t, as far as I know, any medical concern. The white part of your eyes is called the sclera. If it turns yellow, well that means you probably have a kidney problem. If it turns blue, that can mean you have low bone density. But grey, is just grey. That just means the sclera is thin. It's like having thin hair, no big deal.
Talk to your family doctor if you want. A clean bill of health from them might put your mind at ease. Or you could seek the opinion of another eye doctor. I'm pretty confident they will tell you just what I did.
If your vision is the same as always and you aren't in any pain, then there is really nothing to worry about.
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