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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
One day my cousin came to visit us and was telling us about how much her dad hates her because he never stops yelling at her for anything she does and she doesn't do anything worng.
Then my dad interjected "You idiot! He yells at you a lot because he loves you the most!"
And then she looked at my little brother because evryone knows that he yells at him the most.
Is it true? I thought I was his favourite, I'm the only one out of the three siblings who even like him at all.
And if it is true, how? I don't get it, it doesn't make sense
The Answer
None of that makes any sense.
Problem number one: The idea that someone is loved 'best'. Love isn't like pie. You don't get a smaller peice because your brother gets a bigger peice. Love is just LOVE. Parents SHOULD have a boundless ammount of it for all thier children, even if they don't have boundless patience.
Problem number two: That your father would even jokingly say something like this gives me a pretty damn good idea why you are the only one who 'likes him'. I wouldn't like my father much if he played favorites.
Problem number three: While his comment was sort of 'nice' it doesn't actually support your cousin or help her in anyway at all.
Ignore this comment and don't worry about it. Your Dad said something that was pretty dumb and actually doesn't make any sense. I hope he only meant it as a joke. Don't worry about which kid he loves 'the most'. Just love him and you'll be fine, even when you yell at eachother or when you don't.
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The Question
girls only please. so im 16/f, and though im of a somewhat light complexion, i think my private area is too dark. is there anything, if possible, like a cream or something, to make it lighter?? thanXx in advance.
The Answer
Too dark? I'm afriad to ask where you got that idea from.
No, there is no cream or medication that I know of to lighten your skin. Even if there was, I would strongly advise agianst using anything to alter the pigmentation in your skin, espcailly on a part of your body where the skin is very, very sensitive.
We come in all shapes and sizes and colours. It's not abnormal or unusual for your vagina to be a different colour then the rest of you.
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The Question
On my 3rd day of the week at Hawaii for a vacation, I went to a Japanese toy shop. I love anime and I collect action figures and display them in a glass case. I bought a 12'' Inuyasha toy that was 20% off of $36. I was so happy to get it because in CA you don’t get those kind of stuff in a store you buy them on eBay. Well tonight I just got back home I live in CA. and I took it out of the box to display it and before I knew it Inuyahsa doll has TWO LEFT ARMS!!!!!! What should I do? The shop has no website but a phone number I put the doll back in the box but I like to display them I am very pissed off and I have no I idea what to do. What should you do??? If you were me???
The Answer
It's called buyer beware. There is nothing you can do. You could call them if you like, but you'll probably only get the satasfaction of yelling at them.
If I were you I would display it. It's pretty cool really and a funny conversation peice. No reason not to embrace it as a funny memory.
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The Question
I have sex quite often with the same person,we've done it mannnnny times.
Tonight i was on my period and he knew that but still wanted to do it.
So i didnt mind,so we started to do it and he pulled out with blood all over his dick
He ofcourse got extremly grossed out and ran in the shower and obviously wanted me to leave.
I'm scared that ,just that will change things forever.
Do you think that things will go back to normal? or Do you think he's that grossed out that he'll never wanna do it again?
The Answer
Relax a bit and reminder yourself that you did nothing, not a single thing, to be worried about.
Laugh it off gently and take it as a learning experience. HIS learning experience. He learned that having sex with a woman on her period is not his cup of tea. A lot of guys are cool with it, he isn't.
The part that worries me is "obviously wanted me to leave". What the hell? So you, like nearly every woman on the planet does at some time, are menstruating and it's obvious that he wants to be as far away from you as possible? No darling, that part of this is not okay part.
Look, you don't mention the big 'boyfriend' word so I imagine this is just casual, which is fine, but even in casual relationships there MUST be respect and compassion for another person. Having sex with someone, even casually, makes us emotionally (and physically) vulnerable to them. So you need to know that your partner has a head on his shoulder and a basic level of respect for people. His treatment of you was pretty shabby and disrespectful.
As WittyUserNameHere brilliantly said: He is gonna get horny again. However, if for his own immature and moronic reason, he chooses to no longer have sex with you PLEASE don’t mourn the loss. Go find yourself a casual partner with an actual brain in his head.
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The Question
Im 14
When i was 11 my boyfriend and i broke up. He wanted to have sex but i said no so he ripped my pannies and shoved his "stuff" in. when he did that he took my virginty. I called it rape.Ever since then i have been having sex. I want to tell my mom but i am scared.everytime I have sex,afterwards I always feel like im going to get caught. The boy I am having sex with right now I like him but he just wants to be "sex buddys".I just found out one of my childhood friends has been liking or loving and talking to him for 2 years. She`s coming to fight me friday or saturday. My sister told me thar should stop talkin to him but I realy like him and I think i might be pregnant by him.
What should I do?
and how can i tell if im pregnant or not without having a pregnacy test or waiting for my period to come
The Answer
You can't tell if you are pregnant or not without waiting for your period to come (or not come) and getting tested at home or by a doctor.
Tell your mother what happened, so that the help and the healing can begin. Put your trust in a adult for a while. You aren't supposed to be able to to take care of yourself all by yourself. That is what adults are there for.
Forget about the guy for a while. It's drama you just don't need. He's told you he just wants sex and that is something you obviously don't need in your life right now.
Tell your mother or another adult you can trust. This incident is screwing you up and you know it. Take a breather, go back, make sense of it. You wont be able to move forward, with any guy, until you do.
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The Question
This is a really long message, My name is Dylan and im 15. Ok about 3 weeks ago, i was on myspace and i had a friends request from someone i didn't know but they were the same age as me and had some of the same friends as me so i accepted and we have no classes with eachother but go to the same school, so we started talking alot a few days after that, i asked if she wanted to go do something at the movies, she said yes and gave me her number and i gave her mine. We each sent about 1,000 texts to eachother and we had planned on going the movies that next Saturday, and early on just incase she didn't know i said i didn't want to be strung along or get the wrong message . So it was Saturday and she had to cancel because of her dad and i believe she really did have to cancel but then later that night she said she really liked me as a friend, and i had a hard time coping with that, but she invited me to go to the mall a couple of times, but every time we go its usually with a few of her friends and its really awkward and she is really shy. But yesterday we went i guess as friends, it was me and 2 of my friends and her and 6 of her friends that went to the mall, i was talking to her friend and she said that Bethany (the girl i like) thought i didn't want to talk to her, and we all had originally had planned on going to the movies that night. So when it was time for the movies i thought i would do something big. We all went to the top but then everyone else decided they wanted to go way down further, so they all went and i stayed up there by myself trying to talk to her 1 on 1. But she didn't stay and i texted her to come up and talk to me, she said for me to come down there but i explained to her i wanted to talk to her and not everyone else but all she said was please come down. And i think i just keep making it more awkward. I feel bad and i honestly feel like i cant find a reason to get out of bed. I don't know where to go from here, please point me in the right direction! -Thanks
The Answer
There are two possibilties I see:
One. She is too shy to make a move or even to allow you to make a move, in which case, you are right you can't help her or appraoch her without making it awkward. That has nothing to with you. That is her baggage and her insecureties robbing her of a chance with you. Don't blame yourself for it.
Two. She just isn't that into you. Also not your fault. Also not worth feeling like crud over.
Take a deep breath. Sleep it off. Give her space.
If she is interested perhaps she will get over her insecurities and give you a way in, but you have done all you can and made your interests very clear. Just be her friend for now. It's her turn to speak up if she wants something more.
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The Question
about two months i ended a 3 year relationship with this guy and about 2 weeks ago my first boyfriend called me out of no where and he wanted to go get a coffee together and that was it . ever since we have been hanging out and. My family loves him and they thing his great but i dont know wut he wants. He says that he wants to take it slow beacuse i just go out of a relationship and when i ask him wut we are he says we are not friends but we are not boyfriend and girlfirned either. i just dont know where i stand. We have great sex but should we stop. He is a great guy for the future i mean i want somebody like him in my life later on but right now i dont know wut to do he says he cares about me alot but i feel like there is still something missing like he is still not sure about me. i mean if he isnt i would like for him to say it beacuse i dont want to get hurt at the end. Please HElp me
The Answer
Some people are okay with wishy-washy bounderies on thier relationships. Some people thrive on that no-expectations arrangment. You are not one of those people and that is A-OK! But you are going to have to speak up a bit louder about it.
It comes down to this:
Are you willing to risk getting hurt?
Opening up to someone ALWAYS carries the risk of pain. Everytime we call someone 'friend' we are giving them the oppertunity to betray us and we are having faith that they wont.
If you, or he, can't or aren't willing to do that, you'd be best to call this whole thing off. That means the sex, the couple-ish behavoir and the too much hanging out. All of it.
Anything else, and one or both of you, will end up feeling betrayed.
Sometimes it's hard to figure out what we do want. A good approach is to take a serious look at what you do NOT want. You don't want this, not right now and not in this way. Be honest and strong about. That is the way to protect and guide your heart.
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The Question
theres this guy, he likes his girlfriend a lot, but she totally doesnt appriciate him. He wants to spend time with her, but she says hes too "clingy." I was talking to the girl the other night, and she was saying that she liked someone else. And, i have a goodddd feeling they're going to break up. i dont know this kid too well. I talk to him everyday, and he'll come up to me and talk to me whenever he sees me, But what can i do to make him like me even more? I dont want to go out with him right after be breaks up with this girl. I have the urge to interfere with their relationship, and make them breakup, but that would be so wrong, and id feel bad. But, what can i do to make me more? and maybe his girlfriend a little less? :]
The Answer
Just don't.
Seriously, don't bother. Be his friend while you can be his friend. Be more when you can be something more (ie Not Yet.)
Fight the urge to interfere. It's okay to have those feelings. It's not okay to act on them.
It doesn't sound like their relationship is going to last, but that is a decision he needs to come to on his own. In the end, he'll only resent your meddling. I guarantee it.
If he is worth this kind of obessing then he is worth respectfully waiting for.
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The Question
17/f
Mid September was my last period.
I am not pregnant, as i took a test.
what do you think may be causing this or wrong with me? I have regular periods so this is starting to worry me a bit.
I take Cymbalta and Trazodone but it hasn't affected it, so i dont think that's it. Is there suggestions you guys have as what to do or what may be wrong?
Thank You in advance!
The Answer
You should probably see a doctor.
Unless skipping periods is normal for you, this could be an indication of a deeper health problem. The female body will stop menstrating if it feels it no longer has the reasources to do so, or if your horomones go out of wack.
It could be just fine, but it wouldn't hurt to get a professional's opinion.
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The Question
15/f
okay so when im listening to someone thats close to me like a friend or teacher or something i get really self conscious to look them in the eye, my eyes kinda mist over and i stop making eye contact (shifty eyes) then i get really uncomfortable and i cant wait for them to stop talking, and i think it reflects in my body language because i can hear the other person getting kind of uncomfortable too.
this is weird cause i never used to experience this problem until this school year.
what things should i do/think to stop this? and what is the usual pattern that the eyes follow when listening to someone?
thanks!
The Answer
I have a similar, yet different, problem. My eyesight is horrible and my depth perception almost non-existant, so eye-contact is tough to maintain.
I learned a long time ago that I could make people think I was looking into thier eyes by looking at thier nose or lips insteed. Or better still, by looking at them, but letting my eyes shift out of focus so I'm sort of gazing at a point beyond thier head. I have to say, this helped my shyness too, and in stressful situations I stil use the trick of staring through people's heads.
Also, remember to breath. It's amazing how much better and calmer you will feel if you just remember to breath deeply and slowly.
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The Question
i'm 16/f. i really like this guy who's a year older than me and i know he likes me too. we hang out at school some and after my soccer games. we've only been on one date - out to dinner after a game. he's not a christian, and i'm a very strong and dedicated christian. he's into partying. i'm not at all. he's already hinted about having sex, i'm for sure saving myself until marriage. i really like him, but is this too much of a risk for myself? i might be able to help him change for the better, but i might end up being brought down. i'm really not sure of what to do right now. any advice would be helpful. please give me some honest answers. thank you so much!
The Answer
You aren't going to change him. Period.
So just throw that idea out of your pretty little head.
If he wants to have sex already, you aren't going to convince him otherwise regardless of your charms or powers of persausions.
This is not about being 'brought down'. His life choices are valid, they are just nothing like yours.
End with him now, or at best, you will end up fighting and hating eachother. There is no room for respect if you are already judging his decisions so harshly, and you've already ruled out compromising with him, which is a just fine choice! You shouldn't compromise your values. With that in mind, just end it.
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The Question
ok well im normally the one that trys to answer questions but now its me doin the asking im in need of great help.
im so scared.
basicly im on the pop..mini pill i can only take it 2 hours late..an if i take it late im not protected for 2 to 3 days i think.
i basicly went out an i didnt take my pill untill like 2 hours late an that night i had sex with my boyfriend. this was wednesday its now sunday and i have been gettin rele bad cramps for the last 2 days an been feeelin rele sick in the mornings
i jus started loosin blood. but its not my period im not due...i dunno cud i have Implanation bleeding or like cud i be pregnant im worried please any help wud be much appriciated.
x
The Answer
You are probably not pregnant. You could be, but it's unlikely.
You are probably 'spotting'. It happens to a lot of women, espcaily ones who are on low-progesterone pills like you are. It's uncomfortable yes, because your pills have tricked your body into thinking it's time to shed the blood, even tho it isn't. Keep taking your pills as directed and unless the pain and blood don't pass in a normal time frame (ie, about as long as your period normally lasts) don't stress about it.
If the pain or sickness continues, then see a doctor. For now, just a take a deep breath. You are probably fine.
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The Question
15/f
ive been goig out with this guy for almost 4 months (this is the 2nd time we went out) and hes great, hes alwasy there for me when i need him which i do alot. we've always been great friends before and after we went out and hes great. its just, i dont love him and he doesnt love me.. we just like each other. and i dont find him very sexual.. like i am not wanting to jump ontop of him all the time and stuff. i feel bad becasue i mean, if we keep going out and it gets to a certian point then we'll stil only be making out because i just don't feel that way for him. and i can't say that im not ready because ive already had sex/done alot before and he knows that. i really don't know what to do, i like him and his family, friends, everything that comes with him is amazing too, but i just worry. any help is appericated
The Answer
It's rough when you realize you are just not that into someone.
Better to be honest, sooner rather then later. You are only wasting your time, and his. Drawing it out will only make it hurt more.
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The Question
I love a man (never married, not long realtionship) and he is the father of my child he pays child support but has seen the child only ten times in two years, what should I do? i want to let it go(child support)and move on. give me some advice.
The Answer
Let it go and move on. Keep the money.
The child is his responsibilty as much as it is yours and although there is no way to force him to meet his emotional obligations, there is no reason to let him off the hook on his finicail obligations.
Understandably you want him out of your life, but that is never going to happen. You have a child togeather. You are stuck with him. Even if he dose pay child support he would still have rights he could exercise.
Besides that, it is really the child you are cheating if you don't accept child support. If you don't want to take the money, have it deposited into a trust fund for your child. In effect it is THIER money, not yours.
Absolutely move on, but let him see the child if he wants too and take the money the child is owed.
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The Question
Just recently I told my boyfriend how I truly
felt, that I wasn't as happy with our relationship like before and he said he felt the same way. Then he went on about how it feels like I don't care about him at school. Also he told me how it seems when I show up to his group in the morning he feels he can't act himself or I'll think he's "fudging weird" and just leave. Which is true because his
group of friends do embarrass me. They are loud, obnoxious, and weird. He can be sometimes too and I get really annoyed. We can't find a solution to our problem and I need help fast! Any ideas to what we should do? We've been dating for 2 months.
we're both juniors in high school.
The Answer
Hun, it's been two months and it's not working. That is okay.
What is there to talk about? You don't like a facet of his personality. He doens't like that you don't let it. He has told you doesn't want to change and resents feeling that he must change. You are feeling embaressed and ashamed.
You are either going to need to accept this part of him and his personality, or both agree to just move on.
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The Question
my boyfriend is kind of picky, and im worried about giving head for the first time to him. HELPPPP!!!!
The Answer
Then don't.
You could tell him that you are nervous and ask him to be kind and supportive with his instructions and input.
But if you think he is going to be an unappreciative and demanding don't go down on him.
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The Question
my girlfriend and i were having unprotected sex, but i pulled out before i came. i washed my penis and peed after, and then we did it again, but i was wondering if there could be any left on my penis from the first time that i came, which would make her pregnant
PLEASE dont give me crap about "you can get pregnant from precum" because it's completely untrue, anybody with google could tell:
http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/0922.html
http://www.corporatemofo.com/stories/021201inandout.htm
http://www.idsnews.com/news/story.aspx?id=33698&comview=1
condoms = 3%
pulling out = 4%
if that's not enough evidence maybe a government website can convince you:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=pubmed&dopt=Abstract&list_uids=12762415&query_hl=9&itool=pubmed_docsum
im not an idiot i did research before we did it
please just answer my question and none of the crap about precum because that's what i got on the other advice websites
The Answer
It's possible. Which if you had read all those lovely links thoroughly, I have to think you would have noticed. Ludicrously, amazingly unlikely that there was any sperm remaining after you urinated, but technically possible. The same way being hit by lightning on a sunny day is technically possible.
May I suggest you reexamine your statistics though? Your 3% is extremely optimistic. The FDA has the typical failure rate for the pull-out method around 20 percent. When practiced perfectly (that means you pull out in time and clean up EVERY time) some researchers estimate the failure rate to be at the very lowest about 5 percent, compared to condoms at 2% - 3% and oral contraceptives at 0.5% to 5%. This means 5 to 20 women out of every 100 who use withdrawal as their contraceptive method, get pregnant.
Not to mention STDs...
Even though the likelihood of pregnancy is extremely low you and your girlfriend should probably consider your choice more seriously. There are far better options out there. Maybe you should research some of them.
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The Question
my bf wants to try anal. i thought he was kidding because he always said no, it's gross. i guess not this time. i really don't want to. for so many years of being anemic and constipated from my diet, the idea of a penis being shoved up there.. is not appealing. i've had friends say it's not pleasurable and everything. that it's only good for the guy because it's tight. he 'missed' once and that was a bitch.
so what's your anal experiences? horrible, good? :/
The Answer
No one else's experiences matter hun if you 'really don't want to'.
Tell him it's just not gonna happen. There is nothing wrong with that.
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The Question
***i am the same person that wrote the one below, sorry i can't figure out how to delete that one but i meant that he WOULD be wearing a condom, not wouldn't. sorry!****
me and my boyfriend have been going out for about 6 months now. we have a VERY strong relationship emotionally and physically. even though it's only been 6 months we both feel that we want to spend the rest of our lives together and we are the only ones for each other. he just turned 19 and i'm 17. we have done everything except for sex. he has told me many times that we will wait as long as i want to have sex. it could be a year it could be longer, when ever i am ready. when ever we do "stuff" i feel like i want to have sex with him. i dont know if its just because of the mind set or because i really want to. ive been thinking about it a lot lately but im not sure if i am ready. its not because i don't want to, i'm just scared of something happening. he would deffinitley wear a condom, but i am not on birth control and i don't plan on going on it. i'm scared of the risk of being pregnant. that is my biggest fear in having sex with him. it probably always will be until i'm 18 and i can go on birth control with out my parents knowing. i don't know what should i do, please give me advice
The Answer
Wanting to have sex while you two are going at it and are all hot and bothered is normal, and it doesn't mean you are actually ready to have sex.
You aren't ready. You know you aren't.
People are ready for sex when they can responsibly take all the nessicary percausions and live with the risk that sex comes with.
The risk of preganncy scares you too much for sex to be enjoyable(and it should, you are only 17, it's too big of a risk for you to take) and you aren't willing/able to speak to get birth control.
So you aren't just aren't there yet. That's okay. Just be honest about it, with him and with yourself.
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The Question
my boyfriend used to scratch my back and bite me a LOT during sex, i loved it!...but now, he barely does it. though when he does, it's extra hott, but i've tried telling him he should do it more, but i think in-the-moment, he forgets. plus i'm always on top so it makes it a bit hard to bite my neck. i'm VERY into vampiric sex, and he's into whatever i'm into basically. i just need to know a way to get him to do it more often. we are also out of ideas on new things to try. new positions, new ANYTHING. what all is there to do that makes for hott sex?
The Answer
I humbly suggest that your problem might be something else...
"He's into whatever I'm into" is a great line. A lot of guys and girls say it, and to an extent, they probably even mean it. They want to please thier partner.
BUT if a someone stops doing something they know you really like, maybe you should re-examine thier level of interest in your kinks.
The best advice I can give you is to ASK him what he is into and encourage him to speak to about sex openly, without worrying about what you might like for a moment, so that you will get a real idea what he would like to be doing in bed.
He might be a as bored as you. He might also have some great ideas of what would get you both going agian. The best 'new' ideas could come from him.
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